The Courageous Life

Alison Wood Brooks is a celebrated Harvard Business School Professor who studies the hidden architecture of conversations. 

Her groundbreaking work shows that while all of us can struggle with difficult conversations, 

We’re often not very good at the easy ones either (even though we have them all the time). 

Alison argues that part of the reason for this is because conversation is one of the 

most complex, 

demanding, 

and delicate of all human tasks. 

Every time we converse with one another, a wide range of possibilities for misinterpretation and misunderstanding arise. 

It’s just part of it. 

And yet, at the same time, conversations can also be a source of great joy. 

Each one offering an opportunity to express who we are,

to learn who others are—

and to feel connected, loved, and alive.

In Alison’s words, there’s a "magic" that happens when we get conversation right.

Today we are going to have a deep and wide ranging conversation about how to have better conversations. 

Alison and I will dive into themes from her wonderful new book:

TALK: The Science of Conversation and the Art of Being Ourselves

Throughout our time together Alison will offer powerful insights, moving stories, and practical tweaks to not only make our everyday conversations better,

but that also might just have a profound positive impact on our relationships at work and in life.

For more on Alison, her book, and the wonderful work she is doing please visit alisonwoodbrooks.com.

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• On Mastering Our Emotional Life | Ethan Kross
• Overcoming Self-doubt and Imposterism | Dr. Jill Stoddard

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Brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor famously once said:

“Most of us think of ourselves as thinking creatures that feel, 

but we are actually feeling creatures that think.”

Whether it’s anxiety about going to the doctor, 

Boiling rage when we’re stuck in traffic, 

Devastation after a painful break-up, 

Joy from the birth of a child, 

Or peace that arises from being in nature

Our emotional landscape is dynamic, complex, and often bittersweet - 

containing both the painful and the pleasant.

And as today’s guest, 

renowned emotion scientist, Dr. Ethan Kross writes:

"As difficult as our emotions can sometimes be, they are also a superpower."

In his new book: Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don’t Manage You, 

Ethan Challenges us to move away from a binary lens that views emotions simply

as being “good” or “bad.”

Reminding us instead that emotions are information. 

And that when activated in the right ways,

and at the right time, 

they function like an immune system, alerting us to our surroundings, 

telling us how to react to a situation, 

and helping us make the right choices. 

The big question then is:

How do we make our emotions work for us rather than against us? 

How do we unlock this superpower?

Ethan has devoted his scientific career to answering this question.

Working closely with his team at the Emotion and Self Control Lab at the Ross School of Business,

He has been leading groundbreaking research on emotion regulation 

and how the conversations people have with themselves impact their health, performance, decisions and relationships

In today's conversation:

We will explore a blend of insights, stories, and practices that will shed light on what Ethan has uncovered through this work

- the possibility of mastering our emotional lives in ways that allow us to live, lead, and love better. 

Interested in more Ethan? To find his books, talks, and other illuminating work, please visit ethankross.com

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• To Feel is To Be Human | Dr. Marc Brackett
• The Missing Ingredient to 'The Good Life' | Lorraine Besser

Enjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts. 

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"It’s not your fault if you are unhappy. 

You have been told three lies: 

1. You’re not good enough; 
2. You need to achieve fame, wealth, and power; 
3. You need to do it all on your own."

These are the words of Stephanie Harrison - author, past Director of Learning at Thrive Global, and expert in the science of happiness.

In her new book: 

New Happy: Getting Happiness Right in a World That’s Got it Wrong 

She calls these three lies that emerged in her research,

The Old Happy. 

Old Happy is a definition of happiness, that our society has bought into.

Yet Stephanie argues it's making so many of us miserable.

Rather than continue to follow this narrative,

Clinging to the hope that it will make us happy someday,

Stephanie invites us to consider an alternative path that she uncovered through her research into what makes us happy.

It’s a path that researchers, theologians, contemplative traditions, and philosophers have all pointed to .

A path leading to a more enduring, sustainable form of happiness. 

The first step on that path is to

Discover who you really are.

The second step?

Use it to help other people.

Today we’ll take a deep dive into these two invitations, what Stephanie calls "The New Happy."

In the first half this conversation Stephanie and I will unpack not only how we might approach answering the question:

Who are we really? 

But we'll also look at how we might embrace the answers - Integrating all aspects of who we are (our whole self) as we cultivate a healthy sense of self worth in the process.

In the second half we’ll look at:

How we can approach our work from a place of greater authenticity and love - 

Including the art of aligning our unique strengths, gifts, and what we care about most, with the ways in which we serve.

Stephanie offers a beautiful reminder 

That when we come home to who we truly are

And then use our unique gifts to serve

An entirely different experience of life opens up. 

And we just might find the happiness we’ve been looking for all along. 

For more on Stephanie, her book, podcast, and other resources please visit thenewhappy.com

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• On Unwinding Toxic Productivity | Israa Nasir
• On Imperfectionism and the Art of Living Well | Oliver Burkeman

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In a time where the threat of authoritarianism is on the rise, 

how might we take the next step toward creating truly equitable and thriving societies?

This question, for many, may feel increasingly out of reach.

And yet for redemptive thinker, and visionary leader john a. powell,

it serves as one of the central lines of inquiry in his work. 

johh a. powell is the Director of the Othering and Belonging Institute at the University of California, Berkeley, 

A civil rights advocate, 

And an author who has written books including: 

Belonging Without Othering: How We Save Ourselves and the World. 

Woven throughout his writings and teachings - he brings our attention again and again to the root of inequality. 

A root born out of the process of 'othering'. 

A process that primes us to see people as a threat,

which leads to fear, disconnection, and the fracturing of our society.

And while John addresses the root cause of so much suffering,

One of the things I greatly appreciate about his work is that he  simultaneously invites us to consider an alternative path.

A way forward that calls upon the better angels of our nature. 

In his words:

“We can overcome the illusion of separateness by honoring our differences, 

transcending the notion that difference divides us, 

and instead co-create a world where everyone belongs.”

Today we will explore some of John’s profound insights, stories, and practices for increasing belonging which include:

• Bridging, a practice which fosters acceptance both of those we might have othered, and aspects of ourselves
• Spirituality and remembering our interconnected nature
• Curiosity
• The power of presence
• And ultimately how we can meet others, including ourselves, from a place of love instead of fear

For more on john, his work, and his new book The Power Bridging, please visit johnapowell.org

And for more on the incredible work coming out of the othering and belonging institute check out belonging.berkeley.edu

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• On Wisdom and Love in Troubling Times | Mark Nepo & Elizabeth Lesser
• On Work, Friendship, and Embracing Impermanence | Parker Palmer & Jerry Colonna

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In times of great division, disruption, and uncertainty, how can we find the ability to stay grounded? 

While each of us may find we have different answers, 

Here are a few that have been emerging for me recently:

The first - remembering, in the words of one of today’s guests: 

you don’t have to do it alone. 

Remembering the power (and necessity) of seeking out supportive community, and friends. 

The second -turning to history. 

Gaining perspective and insight by revisiting times in the past where humans have collectively endured, and persevered in the face of tremendous adversity.

The third - turning to the wisdom of elders.

Seeking out the wise and caring teachers, mentors, and leaders in our communities who are further along the path and can offer guidance from where they stand. 

Two of these modern elders in many ways are Mark Nepo and Elizabeth Lesser.

Chosen as one of OWN's SuperSoul 100, 

a group of inspired leaders using their gifts and voices to elevate humanity, 

Mark Nepo is one of the great poets and spiritual guides of our time. 

And 

bestselling author, and Co-Founder of Omega Institute, one of the world’s leading conference and retreat centers, 

Elizabeth Lesser has had the opportunity to learn from, and collaborate with many of the greatest spiritual teachers and leaders around the world. 

Something she’s done since Omega was first founded in 1977. 

I asked Elizabeth and Mark if they’d be willing to come together to engage in a rich conversation - sharing some of their own insights, practices, and ultimately what they’ve learned from some of their teachers about navigating troubling times. 

In today's conversation we'll explore:

The possibility of meeting whatever is here, 

including the grand challenges we are facing, 

with greater wisdom, balance, and love.

For more on Mark please visit marknepo.com

For more on Elizabeth check out elizabethlesser.org, and for more on Omega Institute please visit: eomega.org

I was reminded in this conversation that perhaps the most potent way we might find our way through these times, 

And back to each other,

Is by remembering that at some level we are all made of the same stuff. 

Each one of us, a human being - part of a larger whole.

A reminder which in Mark’s words took this form:

“When we come back into direct connection with life,

There’s a reverence for life. 

And when we have a reverence for life we can’t do harm.”

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• Strong Back, Soft Front: The Practice of a Lifetime | Elizabeth Lesser
• Finding the Strength to Meet Adversity | Mark Nepo

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What is it that drives our focus on productivity?

That colors our experience of work, life, and relationships?

 Is the motivation to 'do', to achieve, and to push ourselves driven by a subtle undercurrent of fear?

A craving to stay relevant, 

A whisper in the back of our mind that says: 

If we don’t optimize our lives, fill up our calendars, and stay busy, we will be missing out on something. 

Unsure of exactly what, but sensing that that something is important. 

Perhaps that if we don’t keep up we won’t be happy, or even worse, we won’t matter. 

If left unchecked this fear can lead to a mindset 

that today’s guest, talented therapist, founder of digital mental health brand Wellguide, and author, Israa Nasir

Calls 'Toxic Productivity' 

 This mindset that is marked by a number of distinct characteristics:

1.  Being singularly focused on outcomes
2. Feeling good about yourself only if you get those outcomes
3. Deprioritizing other parts of your life in pursuit of an outcome.

Israa shares from her depth of wisdom and expertise that one of the unintended consequences of this mindset is that we can stop thinking about our lives.

That curiosity is replaced by just adopting what other people are doing so that we are on par. 

And so we feel good about ourselves.

In today's conversation we are going to dive into Israa’s work, and the Toxic Productivity Mindset in more depth. 

Together we will explore the possibility of letting go of fear 

and learning to meet life from a place of love. 

 Israa and I will unpack questions such as:

• How we might approach working, living, and loving in ways that bring us fully alive? 
• That actually make us happy?
• And that are not contingent on outcomes, but rather are driven by curiosity, a love of the process, and of knowing and caring about ourselves more deeply?  

For more on Israa’s beautiful book Toxic Productivity, and the incredible work she is doing please visit Israanasir.com

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• On Imperfectionism and the Art of Living Well | Oliver Burkeman
• A Revolutionary Remedy for Uncertainty - In Our 20's and Beyond | Dr. Meg Jay

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This past November I had the privilege of going to a leadership boot camp hosted by Jerry Colonna and the extraordinary team at CEO and Executive Coaching Firm, Reboot.

For 10 years Reboot has been hosting these gatherings. 

Immersive experiences where a small group of leaders comes together without pretense.

Everyone there to explore the possibility of becoming a better human. 

A truer version of oneself. 

All of us there to take a courageous step toward living in greater alignment with what matters.

To rekindle the ability to lead, and relate, from a place of embodied presence in our lives, our work, and our relationships. 

And then to carry that experience forward. 

In today's episode

With Reboot Co-Founder, and Author of The Art of Being Human at Work, Ali Schultz 

And 

Reboot Coaching Supervisor, and renowned Rolfing Educator and Practitioner, Liz Stewart

We'll explore some of the profound insights that came out of bootcamp which center around themes of presence and embodiment. 

Including lessons from what was perhaps the most unforgettable part of the experience - 

An encounter with a herd of horses. 

Ali and Liz will share stories, reflections, and engage with related questions:

• What holds us back from being present?
• What supports greater presence in our lives, our work, and our relationships?
• What can horses teach us about both?
• And, how can strengthening our capacity for presence ultimately help us find our way back home to our true selves?

Finally, because the three of us are coaches and because Ali and Liz have worked to create a beautiful and unique suite of new offerings for coaches through Reboot, which includes coaching supervision, and coach retreats, we are also going to spend some time exploring:

• The evolving landscape of their work.
• And how their way of working with coaches can be supportive in deepening embodied presence  and showing up more powerfully for the clients they serve.

For more on Ali, Liz, and the incredible work they are doing please visit rebootsupervision.io

So many of us are looking to be more present in our lives. 

Today we’ll get a glimpse of how we might live into that possibility.

Did you find today's episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• The Art of Being Human at Work | Ali Schultz
• On Work, Friendship, and Embracing Impermanence | Parker Palmer & Jerry Colonna

Enjoying the show?

Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts!

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It’s here and then it’s gone. 

In so many ways this is the through line of our experience. 

From the sunny day,

To a common cold,

To time spent with loved ones,

Or the experience of our wedding day.

Joy, love, heartbreak, and ultimately 

Life itself - All by nature impermanent. 

To walk through this life

Is to walk hand-in-hand with change. 

It is simply part of what it means to be human -  

Part of what connects us all. 

This season on the podcast we wanted to make these shared experiences a focal point of our larger conversation. 

So for 3 episodes we have brought together some of the great teachers, physicians, writers, and leaders of our time.

To reflect on how we might embrace impermanence,

Relax into uncertainty, 

Loosen our grip of control,

And open up the possibility of appreciating, and taking in, the preciousness and beauty of this one life which we are given. 

Two weeks ago we kicked off this series

With world renowned meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg and palliative care physician and author, Dr. Sunita Puri. 

Last week we continued unpacking these themes with CEO Coach Jerry Colonna and legendary teacher, activist, and author, Parker Palmer.

Today we close this epic 3 part mini series by inviting two pioneers in end-of-life care to engage two of the great mysteries of human life:

Love and Death. 

Legendary Buddhist teacher, activist, author, and founder of Upaya Zen Center, Roshi Joan Halifax

And 

Buddhist teacher, best-selling author, and founder of the Zen Hospice Project, Frank Ostaseski

Will explore themes related to:

How we might embrace the experiences of loving and dying in ways that lead to living as fully as we can.

And the possibility of meeting impermanence with greater wisdom, compassion, and courage. 

During our time together they will offer reflections on: 

• Mindfulness as a practice of intimacy
• Learning to let go
• Surrender
• The joy of discovery
• And how we might meet all that life gives us with loving awareness. 

For more on Roshi please visit: joanhalifax.org or upaya.org

And for more on Frank please visit: frankostaseski.com

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• On Work, Friendship, and Embracing Impermanence | Parker Palmer & Jerry Colonna
• Impermanence, Letting Go, and Finding Freedom | Sharon Salzberg & Sunita Puri

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Things are changing all the time. 

From the seasons,

To the weather, our emotions, and our relationships.

We are born, we grow old, and ultimately we die. 

To walk through life means to walk hand-in-hand with impermanence. 

It is simply part of what it means to be human. 

And this season on the podcast we wanted to make these shared experiences of change and uncertainty a focal point of our larger conversation. 

So for 3 episodes we are bringing together some of the great teachers, physicians, writers, and leaders of our time.

To reflect on how we might embrace impermanence rather than push it away. 

From learning to relax into uncertainty, 

To loosening the grip of control as we aspire toward what matters to us with less attachment to the outcome,

To opening up the possibility of appreciating the preciousness and beauty of being alive. 

Last week we kicked off this series with world renowned meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg and palliative care physician and author, Dr. Sunita Puri. 

Today, we are continuing with a deeply moving conversation between - 

Legendary teacher, activist, and best selling author Parker Palmer

And 

CEO Coach, and co-founder of leading executive coaching firm Reboot, Jerry Colonna. 

Both Parker and Jerry have taught, written, and coached extensively on the topic of work - so today that’s where much of our conversation will go. 

Some of the questions we'll explore include:

• How might we lean into the dynamic ebb and flow of our work experience with greater levity, wisdom, and compassion?
• What are the ways in which we can work in greater alignment with the imperatives of our soul? 
• And for those on the unconventional path how can we find the courage to keep going in the face of doubt and fear?

For more on Jerry please check out reboot.io

And for more on Parker please visit: newcomerpalmer.com

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• Impermanence, Letting Go, and Finding Freedom | Sharon Salzberg & Sunita Puri
• The Courageous Journey Toward Wholeness | Parker Palmer Pt. 1
• Reflections on Living With an Open Heart | Parker Palmer Pt. 2

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There are certain threads inescapably woven into our experience of being alive.

Simple but profound truths which make up the tapestry of what it means to be human. 

One of these is impermanence. 

The fact that everything, by nature, changes. 

From the seasons, to the weather, 

our emotions, and our relationships.

We are born, we grow old, and ultimately we die. 

The flow of life is inherently dynamic as things are coming together, and falling apart. 

All the time. 

And while at times impermanence can be viewed in a grim light (endings, and death),

Change also means new beginnings, rejuvenation, and possibility. 

After Winter ends, the sun comes out, flowers bloom, and the natural landscape comes to life.  

And if change is truly just a part of being alive, 

Then the pragmatic question is:

How can we relate to this shared experience in ways that lead to living well? 

Over the next 3 weeks we are going to explore this question (and versions of it) in depth,

With some of the great teachers, physicians, writers, and leaders of our time. 

Together we'll discuss themes like:

• Learning to relax into uncertainty, 
• Loosening our grip of control as we aspire toward long term goals with less attachment to outcomes,
• The possibility of appreciating the preciousness and taking in the beauty of being alive.

To kick things off today you’ll hear a beautiful and often moving conversation between:

World renowned meditation teacher, co founder of the Insight Meditation Society and NYT Bestselling author Sharon Salzberg, 

And 

Physician, author, and Associate Professor of Medicine at the University of California, Irvine School of Medicine where she is also the Director of Inpatient Palliative Care Services, Dr. Sunita Puri.

Both of whom have been the show before, but never in conversation together in this way - exploring how we might make the most of the short time we are here. 

For more on Sharon check out sharonsalzberg.com

For more on Sunita, including her beautiful memoir: That Good night: Life and Medicine in the Eleventh Hour please visit https://sunitapuri.com/

Did you find this episode inspiring? Here are other conversations we think you'll love:

• Finding the Courage to Live Without Regrets | Dr. Sunita Puri
• The Power of Compassion (pt 1) | Sharon Salzberg & Barbara Fredrickson

Enjoying the show? Please rate it wherever you listen to your podcasts!

Thanks for listening!

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