A lot of territory covered on today's program, including a discussion on the following question:  If you're always collaborating with a kid and working toward mutually satisfactory solutions, won't the kid come to believe that he needs to meet expectations only when he feels like it?

If you're only paying attention to a child's challenging behavior, then modifying or medicating the behavior will make the most sense.  But behavior is what's happening downstream.  If you paddle upstream -- toward the problems that are causing the behavior -- other intervention strategies start to make a lot more sense.

As usual, lots of questions answered and topics covered from the mailbag during today's program, including the one in the title.

When you're in the Empathy step, are you seeking information about a child's concerns or unmet needs?  It's the former...when you're focused on the latter, you're more likely to hear about the child's solutions (rather than his or her concerns), and brainstorming solutions shouldn't occur until the Invitation.

We turned to the mailbag on today's program, and responded to inquiries from five parents.  But there was a fairly consistent theme:  it all begins with the Assessment of Lagging Skills and Unsolved Problems.

One of the questions parents frequently have relates to how much to tell kids about Plan B. That question -- and a whole bunch of others -- were discussed on today's program.

Maybe the title of today's program tells you all you need to know...but maybe not! While it's tempting to use Plan A to keep things organized and keep life moving when there's three boys under the age of eight in one household, Plan B can probably help more than you might think.

A variety of topics were covered on the last program of 2014, including a rather in-depth discussion of the "embarrassment factor" (kids who can hold it together outside of the home but are very challenging inside the home).  Just because a kid is holding it together outside of the home doesn't mean there aren't problems to be solved.

Lots of ground covered on today's program -- a mom whose son becomes upset when he gets hurt phsyically, an emailer who noticed that the CPS model has moved from "baskets" to "Plans," from emergent to proactive, and from "compromising" to problem-solving -- but the most moving email came from a mom whose son is still being placed in restraint and seclusion at school.

It's not uncommon to start Plan B with one unsolved problem and then learn about other unsolved problems that will require separate solutions.  Thanks to a caller, that's one of the things we talked about on today's program.