The Divorced Woman's Guide Podcast

I did another reach-out to my community to hear about some of the things they’re struggling with as they continue to heal from divorce.

You are not the person you were in your marriage, and part of the recovery process is figuring out who you are today. 

Having self-confidence in who we are and showing up authentically is how we get to build the life that we want going forward. 

How do we deal with our relationships with in-laws? Why do we have to put kids in the center of everything? How can we create affirmations that resonate?

In this episode, I continue with the What Would Wendy Do series and answer more of your questions!

**DON'T MISS MY FREE MASTERCLASS TUESDAY, MARCH 2ND AT 6PM PT! LEARN MORE HERE:

How Your Guilt & Fear Limit Your Ability to Set Boundaries

Three Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

• How to put the children at the center of our relationships with ex-in-laws:
  
  One of the challenging things about divorce is the change in relationships with our in-laws. When children are involved, we have to be able to put hard feelings aside. It’s not about getting even, it’s about putting the kids in the center so they don’t suffer.
  
  
• Why we don’t have to feel alone:
  
  Feeling alone is a choice. There are so many ways we get to create companionship when your kids are at their other parent’s home. We create the life we live and the experience we have based on what we tell ourselves, and we can tell a different story and create a space we love to spend time in.
  
  
• How to build our own self-confidence:
  
  The person you are today is not the person you were in your marriage. You get to re-establish your relationship with your ex based on your own boundaries and values.

Most of the time, when divorces go horribly wrong it’s because we’re afraid of the unknown and what’s on the other side. As a result, we lawyer up to protect ourselves, but by doing that we’re only fueling the fire.

The truth is, far too many divorces end up messy because we put lawyers at the center of the process, instead of seeing them as just one piece in a complicated puzzle.

How can we stop our divorces from becoming more acrimonious than they need to be? If lawyers are only one piece of the puzzle, who else should we be looking to for support?

In this episode, Founder and CEO of Hello Divorce, Erin Levine shares how to make divorce an empowering experience. 

And to sign up for my FREE Summit, Beyond Divorce: Learn the Secrets to Move Forward Joyfully, Find Forgiveness and Experience Peace airing LIVE February 23rd @ 8:30am PT / 11:30am ET click here: https://www.wendysterling.net/beyonddivorce

Three Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

• How irrationality leads to messy divorces:
  
  When our actions come from a place of fear, it's easy to slip into irrationality. Take a breath and focus on responding, rather than reacting when difficult issues arise.
  
  
• How to get divorced without hiring a lawyer:
  
  We tend to think of lawyers as synonymous with divorce, but they don't need to be. If we can mediate through legal assistants or even a social worker, we can start the process from a more amicable, less aggressive foundation.
  
  
• The key thing to remember when going through a difficult divorce:
  
  Many times, we’re so anxious to be done with the divorce process that we’re willing to do anything to speed it up. However, we have to resist that urge. Don’t risk losing something important for the sake of short-term relief. 

Guest Bio:

Erin Levine is a legal innovator, entrepreneur, speaker, and Certified Family Law Specialist. In addition to owning Levine Family Law Group, she is the Founder and CEO of Hello Divorce, an award-winning online platform that makes divorce easier, cheaper, and less stressful. Her mission is to change the conversation around divorce -- making the legal process transparent and the experience empowering, so you are set up for a positive co-parenting relationship and a happier, healthier next chapter. Erin’s legal technology and access to justice work has been recognized by the legal industry and beyond - with recent press features in Above the Law, Brit+Co, Forbes, Mind Body Green, LawSites, and Entrepreneur. Recent accomplishments include the American Bar Association‘s James I Keane Memorial Award for Excellence in E-lawyering and Duke University School of Law’s Legal Tech Accelerator - Grand Prize.

To find out more, go to:
www.hellodivorce.com 

Social Handles:

https://twitter.com/hellodivorce?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

https://www.instagram.com/hellodivorce/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/pg/hellodivorce/posts/ 

And for the $50 off Coupon mentioned in this episode, use the code: WENDY

Every one of us has a story about money - a set of deep-rooted beliefs and thoughts about wealth that color and shape our lives and our experiences. 

When you form a mindset around money, it starts shaping every decision we make. If you don’t confront the stories and biases about yourself, you’ll end up limiting yourself.

Money isn’t just physical currency or the money in our bank accounts, it is a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. We often think that wealth is something we have no control over, that our money reality is determined by our external circumstances, but creating wealth is actually an inside-out process. 

Your world and your wealth are 100% created by you, and if you set the right intentions and believe without contradictions, you can write a money story of abundance. 

How do we examine our money story and remove the limitations we have around wealth? 

In this episode, I share why wealth is a state of being, and how to create it. 

And to sign up for my FREE Summit, Beyond Divorce: Learn the Secrets to Move Forward Joyfully, Find Forgiveness and Experience Peace airing LIVE February 23rd @ 8:30am PT / 11:30am ET click here: https://www.wendysterling.net/beyonddivorce

Three Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

• The root of your money story:
  
  Your story about and relationship with money was formed in your childhood, by the adults around you. Consciously and unconsciously, we absorbed the money beliefs those people had. As we get older it’s important to identify these stories so we can rewrite our own money story.
  
  
• How to change your view on money:
  
  Money is something we use to exchange value, and in order to create wealth and attract money, we have to see value in ourselves first. Instead of letting your external circumstances define your value, look inward and see that you are powerful, capable, and valuable.
  
  
• Why we control the creation of our wealth:
  
  Wealth is a state of being, and it’s something we can create with our own intentions. Our minds are so powerful, and if we think, imagine, and live as though we’re wealthy, we can create wealth for ourselves. Focus on nurturing consistent crystal clear thoughts around our own wealth. When you are able to think without doubt, the Universe will respond. 

We often hear about the toll divorce takes on our emotions, but it’s also a financially costly exercise, and one we need to be prepared for ahead of time. 

Thinking about life after divorce is tough while we’re in the thick of it, but we have to remember that this is the start of a new chapter. We have to start making financial decisions our future selves will benefit from. 

What do those decisions look like, and how can we get better at making them? Where does the new divorcee with no experience looking through finances even begin?

In this episode, Founder of Lifecycle Financial, Hirsch Serman shares how to keep finances stable during and after divorce. 

And to sign up for my FREE Summit, Beyond Divorce: Learn the Secrets to Move Forward Joyfully, Find Forgiveness and Experience Peace airing LIVE February 23rd @ 8:30am PT / 11:30am ET click here: https://www.wendysterling.net/beyonddivorce

Three Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

• How to set ourselves up for a more advantageous place, post-divorce:
  
  The best time to start thinking about our finances is before the divorce is finalized. Start looking at which spending could be reduced to fit the future financial situation prior to signing any papers.
  
  
• The questions we should ask ourselves before making financial decisions:
  
  It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of buying something new, but sometimes splurging isn’t the best choice. Before committing to a big purchase, think about whether our future selves would be impressed or frustrated with our decision. 
  
  
• How to look at the marital home from a more financially savvy perspective:
  
  It’s tough walking away from a marital home because we associate so many memories with them. However, sometimes it’s helpful to remember that not all the memories are happy ones, and finding a new home could be a fresh start we can afford.

Guest Bio - 

Hirsch Serman is a financial coach and CPA. He founded Lifecycle Financial, LLC through his personal experiences related to divorce and having an aging parent. Through his divorce, Hirsch saw many people struggling through the financial aspect of their lives. Since then, he has devoted his career to helping those struggling through divorce and other life cycles to achieve financial wellness and empowerment. Hirsch has been featured on a number of media outlets, including Divorcedmoms.com, SplitReady.com, The Divorce Coaching Hour, Going Solo Network and Memphis Business Journal, and is the host of the Financial Wellness Radio Show. 

To find out more, go to:

https://lifecycle.financial/

linkedin.com/in/hirschserman 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/430131954438755  

https://lifecycle.financial/financial-wellness-radio-show/  

 Or email him at:
[email protected] 

And to take advantage of Hirsch’s gift of a FREE consultation to understand your situation and help you identify crucial your next steps to creating financial wellness and empowerment, go to: 

https://lifecycle.financial/wendy-sterling-listener-promo/ 

Parenting comes with its fair share of difficulties at the best of times, and when we add divorce to the mix, we’re faced with an extra layer of frustration and stress. 

However, successful co-parenting is vital for our kids' best interests, so we have to learn how to put our own issues aside.

Staying cordial with our exes is easier said than done when we’re struggling with feelings of resentment, anger, and hurt towards them. Top that off with being skeptical of their parenting style, co-parenting is full of landmines. That being said, staying mature in our dealings with them is doable if we’re willing to put in the work. 

So, where do we start? How do we stay focused on the goal of raising our kids and putting their needs first, in spite of the challenges? What can we do to keep our co-parenting relationship as drama-free as possible?

In this episode, I'm sharing my top tips for effective co-parenting. 

Three Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

• How to set aside the anger we have towards our exes:
  
  Successful co-parenting demands that we put our own emotions aside. That may not always be easy, but we have to remember that co-parenting isn't about our feelings, it's about our kids’ best interests. 
  
  
  
• How to communicate more effectively with an ex:
  
  Whenever engaging with an ex, it's a good idea to behave as though our children are in the room with us. Stay neutral and respectful, and approach communication in the same way we would when addressing a colleague. 
  
  
  
• How to listen more effectively, even if we aren't thrilled with what we're hearing:
  
  Listening is a vital part of effective communication. We have to make sure our co-parents feel heard, even if we don't necessarily agree with their points. 

So often, when thinking of divorce, we think of it in the same way we would a death. However, there is no comparison between the two, and thinking this way will only make the process harder on us than it needs to be.

While it’s normal to grieve the end of a marriage, we have to remind ourselves that post-divorce, we’re still alive, and that means we have a ton of opportunities to create beautiful lives for ourselves.

However, that can be easier said than done. In a world so determined to equate death with divorce, how can we see the silver linings of the situation? How can we shift the way we’ve been taught to think of divorce entirely?

In this episode, Founder of Moms Moving On and Coach & Certified Divorce Specialist (CDS®), Michelle Dempsey shares how to stop viewing divorce as a death.

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

• How to view divorce as a learning opportunity:

When we lose a friendship, we don’t write off ever having another friend, and it should be the same with divorce. Take whatever contributed to the breakdown of the relationship as a lesson and use it to move on to something even better.

• Why we need to reframe divorce:

Divorce signals the end of a chapter, but it also comes with massive opportunities. Post-split, we have the chance to create a life we love, with the right person by our side. 

• How to get closure after a divorce:

When experiencing a death, we have a ceremony, and that helps to give us closure. While death and divorce are not the same, having some kind of a celebration can give us a much-needed sense of finality. 

Guest Bio:

Michelle Dempsey is a writer, mom, coach, Certified Divorce Specialist, speaker, and genuine girl power enthusiast. Michelle fully believes in the power of having someone by your side to help you through the uncomfortable process of divorce as a way to empower and educate, making clients stronger. Her work has been featured in publications including Forbes, Scary Mommy, Parents, Daily Business Review, HuffPost, Elite Daily, and more. She is also the host of the Moms Moving On podcast. Michelle works with women at all stages of divorce; from just deciding to end their marriage to looking for their stride in co-parenting and everything in between. 

To take advantage of Michelle’s free gift, a 15-minute consult, go to: 

https://momsmovingon.com/schedule-a-call/ 

And to find out more, go to:

https://momsmovingon.com/ 

https://momsmovingon.com/podcasts/

https://www.instagram.com/themichelledempsey/?hl=en

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrRLbdPiRn6-UGGONrxFGSw 

https://linktr.ee/Themichelledempsey

When we step into a new year, we all have a renewed focus on our goals and the things we want to accomplish. The challenge is, when we think about our goals, we miss out on the part that allows us to show up as our most empowered and confident selves, intention. 

If we want our goals to have a purpose, they have to be backed up by intention, by something other than an outcome or accomplishment. We need both goals and intentions so we can focus on what we want, but also so that we can enjoy the journey to that goal. 

What is the objective of an intention? How do we combine a goal and an intention so that we’re living in both our masculine and feminine energy? In this episode, I talk about the magical combination of goals and intentions.

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

• Masculine vs. feminine energy when it comes to our goals:
  
  A goal is about what we want to achieve and accomplish, it’s grounded in masculine energy. An intention is about how you want to feel, and what you want to experience. We shouldn’t just focus on what we want to achieve, we also have to think about the feeling we want to have whether or not we reach that goal. It’s about being present in our feminine energy. 
  
  

• Why intentions are an important aspect of goal setting:
  
  If we set a goal without an intention, we create a situation where we won’t feel happy or empowered until we achieve that goal. Sometimes goals get in the way of the journey, of the joy, and the path of discovery. Setting intentions allows us to have the gift of mindfulness, which is important. 
  
  

• Why focusing on intentions isn’t settling:
  
  Focusing on your intentions doesn’t mean you’re giving up on your goals, lessening your desire, or that you’re less than because you didn’t achieve. It just means you’re choosing to care about the process as much as the outcome.

Getting back into the dating scene after divorce can feel really scary, especially when it comes to online dating. We want to create a better relationship dynamic and find a happy, healthy love connection, but we often find ourselves stuck on the first milestone, creating a dating profile. 

How do we even know if we’re ready to dip our toes back in the dating pool? If we feel like we’ve done our inner work to deal with our divorce and feel excited about meeting new people, that’s a sign that we’re ready. 

Did you know that right now is the perfect time to get back into the dating scene because it is peak dating season? There are thousands of people putting themselves out there right now and YOU GET TO TOO!

How do we overcome the fear of online dating apps? How can we create healthier dating patterns? In today’s episode, I’m joined by dating/relationship expert, and founder of Smart Dating Academy, Bela Gandhi. We talk about how to prepare ourselves to get back into the dating game. 

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

• Common mistakes people make as they dip back into the dating world:

People tend to end up dating people who are exactly like their exes. That’s because we tend to do what feels comfortable, not necessarily what’s right. Unless we work on ourselves and deal with our own internal dating patterns, we’ll continue to be a magnet for familiarity and not a magnet for who will make us happy. 

• Why we shouldn’t give up too much of our stories early on:

Be honest about where you live and how you look. You need to look the way you look right now. You want someone to say you look like just your photo or better. With other information, there’s no need to lay all your cards on the table on your dating profile. People need to earn your story and earn your time, so we can go into deeper detail about our life story as we get to know someone. 

• The mindset we need to have about the dating pool:

Having a funnel is an important part of dipping your toes back into dating. Instead of dating just one person, date more than one so you can get a better idea of what you really want. Don’t focus on being with someone who looks good on paper, finding the right person is more qualitative than quantitative.

Guest Bio:

Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy, and a weekly media correspondent. She is a relationship expert and has been featured on most national/local media outlets. She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009. Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump start their dating lives successfully. Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients “like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships”. SDA’s coaches become personal trainers for their clients’ love lives. 

The SDA coaching program is results-oriented and fun - which helps you to clarify who is right for you, stop old dating patterns, and use technology the RIGHT way. You become positive and enthusiastic about dating / relationships again! Its clients receive personalized dating plans, and essential training in how to meet high caliber singles, personal style, conversation, and online success. For more information, to sign up for the newsletter and to learn about The Online Dating Love Lab, visit https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/. Follow @smartdatingacademy on Instagram.

Feminine energy is one of the most misunderstood concepts in our society, but it’s also one of the most powerful things we all possess. We interpret femininity as something weak, and we miss out on all the good that comes with it. 

Very often, we lean more into our masculine energy, focusing more on doing than on being, which leads to us feeling depleted and disconnected from ourselves. 

It’s time for us to start recognizing the power, beauty, and strength that comes with our feminine energy, and use it to enrich every part of our lives. 

How do we surrender to the flow of the feminine? Why is self-care such an important aspect of femininity, and what are the ways we can take care of ourselves across mind, body, spirit? 

In this episode, I talk about leaning into the feminine, and why it’s so critical right now. 

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

• The difference between masculine and feminine energy and why we need both:

Men and women possess both masculine and feminine energy. In today’s society, we’ve become accustomed to leaning into, owning, and projecting masculine energy. It’s the side of us that’s very linear, goal-oriented, and results-driven. Our feminine energy is the side of us that’s nurturing, feeling, creative, and in tune with our hearts and our souls.  

• Why basing self-worth on external achievements is dangerous:

As women, we often equate our worth with what we do, and we value ourselves on our achievements and ability to cross things off a list. When our self-worth is so closely tied to things outside of us, we lose control of it. We also risk losing ourselves if and when the external things we identify with change or are removed.  

• How self-care helps us tap into our feminine energy:

Self-care is a process of reconnecting with who you truly are and what is important, it’s so much deeper than just taking care of yourself. The best thing you can do to improve your self-worth is to step up your self-care game. When we take care of ourselves, we’re actually showing ourselves that we’re worthy.

Healing from a high-conflict divorce is one of the biggest challenges we can ever face. When our former partner has narcissistic capabilities, it feels like the wounds of that relationship are too deep and impossible to work through, but you can heal. You can come out of it with the tools that will attract the life you want. 

Being in a high-conflict marriage reveals deep truths about ourselves. How we were treated and how we showed up is a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves. 

Often in the desire to be loved, we abandon ourselves by giving so much to an unworthy partner. The journey to self-healing requires us to dig into the root of those wounds to truly heal them. It’s a painful journey, but a very necessary one. 

What are some of the challenges we experience in high conflict divorces? Why is a high-conflict divorce a powerful opportunity for us to heal our emotional wounds? What do these relationships teach us? 

In this episode, Journey Beyond Divorce founder Karen McMahon shares the emotional and mental tools we can use to come out of our divorce with self-love and self-forgiveness. 

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

What our marriages teach us about our inner state:

A difficult, high conflict marriage is a reflection of how we feel about ourselves. When we’re wounded and yearn so much to be loved in place of our own self-love, we end up with a partner who pours more into that wound. Once we accept that love is an inside job, we’ll end the pattern of seeking love externally. 

The danger of trying to fast-forward through the pain of divorce:

It’s natural to want to skip over the emotional discomfort of divorce, but there are powerful and pivotal lessons we can learn from pain. If we were to fast-forward, we would be the same person we were in that relationship and attract the same type of relationship again. If we go through the pain and grow from it, we get to change emotionally and energetically, and we’ll never attract the same type of high-conflict relationship again. 

How to turn emotional triggers into lessons:

We’ve been taught to blame our pain and dysfunction on an external circumstance or person, but the answers and the healing are within us. An emotional trigger shows us we have something that needs to be healed or refined about us. Emotional triggers can help us look inward and get clear on the root of the pain. If we’re willing to look inward, we’ll be able to find solutions instead of remaining stuck on the problems.

Guest Bio 

Karen’s passion is to help men and women navigate the emotional difficulties of relationships, breakups, and divorce. Her work helps to open up the possibility that your current relationship challenges can lead to a rewarding voyage of self-discovery and an immensely more pleasing life experience. Karen founded Journey Beyond Divorce in 2010 after discovering that the pain of dissolving her marriage had been the very stimulus for her personal transformation. For more information, visit https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/. 

To get Karen’s Divorce Survival Kit visit https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/divorce-recovery-plan.