The Divorced Woman's Guide Podcast

Having good communication starts with the ability to listen.

When it comes to speaking with our exes, it’s easy to slip into fear-based thinking that leaves all parties feeling frustrated and unheard.

In this episode, I’m breaking down the top five ways conscious listening can help you build stronger communication with your ex and improve your confidence and mindset when it comes to making your own needs known. We’ll explore how fear impacts our ability to listen, how to identify when you’ve stopped listening, and when nonverbal communication skills are critical to understanding

• Identify when you’re ready to start listening to your ex
  • Many factors contribute to poor communication during the divorce. Learn how past events leave us feeling hurt, angry, or resentful, and how those feelings impact our ability to communicate today.
• Understand how listening can improve your relationship
  • Learn how I saw my relationship with my ex reached new growth levels after slowly building trust over time.
• Clarify the difference between the stories we tell ourselves and the conversations with others
  • Understand how fear can create new stories in our minds that have less to do with the people in our lives and more about the fear and resentment we’re holding onto.

Does processing your divorce feel like you’re constantly navigating life in the dark?

Often after a divorce when we seek out ways to start the healing process, it can feel like no one understands. That feeling leaves people thinking that if there are no options out there to heal from the experience we weren’t meant to heal at all, and Elizabeth Cohen is here to help.

In this episode, author, psychologist, and community creator Dr. Elizabeth Cohen shares the lessons she learned after dealing with her own divorce from her ex-husband due to substance abuse. We discuss everything from the fear and judgment that comes with telling your story to others to flipping the script and shining the spotlight back on yourself. If you’re feeling lost and unfocused while on the road to healing from divorce, you should listen to this episode.

Learn how to recognize and correct your inner dialogue

The stories of our past derail our progress forward. Listen to the stories you’re telling yourself and empower yourself to create your next best life.

Understand the difference between feelings and facts

Being able to separate reality from how we feel can help to ease the pain, shifting things into a new perspective.

Get reacquainted with yourself

When relationships end we realize that somewhere along the way we may have lost what makes us, “us.” Learn how to explore what it means to be you and how that feeling fits into your new normal.

Guest Bio:

Dr. Cohen is a clinical psychologist. She is the CEO and founder of the online divorce course and membership Afterglow: The Light at the Other Side of Divorce and the CEO of the Center for CBT in NYC. Dr. Cohen’s online course teaches women how to heal, grow and thrive after divorce no matter how difficult the process has been. She has been featured on the Tamron Hall Show, the Wall Street Journal, NBC News, Women’s Health, Huff Post, Thrive Global, Daily Beast, and Good Housekeeping.

Dr. Cohen is a weekly contributor to Psychology Today with her “Divorce Course” column.

Dr. Cohen hosts the Divorce Doctor podcast where she interviews people about their divorce experiences.

Website: https://drelizabethcohen.com/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ElizabethCohenPhD 

REGISTER FOR WENDY'S CO-PARENTING WORKSHOP! BEGINNING MAY 5TH.

Does the idea of working with your ex to establish a co-parenting schedule fill you with dread?

Dealing with divorce while nurturing and raising children can be complicated. It requires patience, compassion, and open communication in order to create the stability children need.

Understanding how to communicate with your ex about issues regarding your children includes establishing boundaries and taking responsibility for your part in the divorce as well as your contribution to the co-parenting partnership.

In this episode, I’m sharing the most important things you should consider when entering into a co-parenting relationship and the key things you need to know in order to manage your expectations of your co-parenting team.

Learn how to avoid bringing pain into your co-parenting relationship

• Understand how you can avoid bringing past experiences with your ex into your current co-parenting situation and keep the children the focus of your communication.

Understand the value of your family as a support system

• Recognize the people you need in your life to work through the pain and frustration of divorce without complicating your co-parenting situation

Reinforce boundaries in the way you raise your children

• Adjusting to a new co-parenting schedule can be complicated, but establishing and enforcing boundaries allow you to catch yourself before heading into an argument and keep communication open.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BECOME A BETTER CO-PARENT? REGISTER FOR MY CO-PARENTING WORKSHOP BEGINNING MAY 5TH. LEARN MORE!

Do you feel isolated and in need of connection after divorce? You’re definitely not alone.

Choosing who we spend time with after divorce is an intentional choice that requires us to first look at what we truly want and how we want to spend our time.

In this episode, Divorced Over 40 creator Daniel Herrold shares his journey to creating a community for divorced individuals. During this conversation, we dive into the importance of connection and why so many people start dating too soon after divorce when what they’re truly looking for is a tribe.

Learn the impact of community on your emotional recovery

During this interview Daniel shares the moment he realized the importance of community and how those connections helped him do the emotional work of divorce.

Understand how the divorce process differs between women and men

Daniel discusses how men process emotional needs post-divorce and we explore how processing may look different but come to the same positive result.

Challenge yourself to have tough conversations

Think about the questions you should be asking yourself when dating potential partners in order to avoid difficult situations later.

Guest Bio:

Daniel is the Co-Creator of DivorcedOver40, an online community of divorcees in their 40's & 50's, as well as a dad to 3.  Daniel enjoys helping others find joy in their independence and self-discovery over 40 by providing content & creating a community for this age group.

Website:

www.divorcedover40.com

Have you ever watched a movie montage with a recently divorced woman and wondered why you couldn’t be more like the leading lady and just buy a new outfit and get over it?

Hollywood, the media, and American culture make it seem like divorce is a linear process, but if you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while now, you know things aren’t that simple.

There are several uncomfortable truths that we as a society need to face about the process of divorce, including the fact that it is a process and there is no “right” amount of time to go through each stage.

In this episode, I’m revealing 10 ways that divorce can impact your life, relationships, and mindset. I’m diving into everything from finding the right support system to letting go of friendships that no longer serve you. If you’ve asked yourself more than once “is this normal?” this podcast episode is for you.

Learn the emotional process of divorce

Identify the emotional process of grief involved with divorce and the importance of allowing yourself to experience all of the emotions created by the loss of your relationship.

Embrace changes in your relationships

Adjusting to life post-divorce involves changing your relationship with friends and your kids. Address the fact that divorce is a disruptor and identify ways to rise to the occasion and strengthen the relationships most important to you.

Create and enforce boundaries

Establishing new and healthy boundaries is essential for processing emotions and trauma associated with divorce. Learn how to initiate those boundaries and how they serve you.

How do you know when you’re truly ready to start dating again?

According to dating and relationship expert Bella Gandhi's research, 48% of Americans are single and ready to mingle. That means there’s ample opportunity for finding love after divorce, but before we start swiping right there are a few things to consider.

Working through the internal issues associated with self-worth and divorce are critical for success in your next relationship. There can be a lot of fear with joining the dating world, not only with the possibilities that a new relationship can bring, but managing the responsibilities of technology and safety as well.

In this episode Bella and I discuss the important questions you should ask yourself before downloading that dating app, and how to avoid some of the common mistakes that people make when making their return to the dating scene.

• Figure out how to stop falling into old patterns
  • Bella has some great advice for identifying and stopping the pattern of returning to relationship patterns that no longer serve us, as well as how to embrace the uncomfortability of positive change.
• Overcome the fears of technology and dating
  • Learn how to share information and market yourself in a way that feels honest, safe, and positive.
• Identify what to look for in a new love interest
  • Understanding what you want from a relationship is critical for your overall happiness. Listen to the key questions you should ask yourself when looking for a new potential partner.

FREE Divorce & CoParenting Summit Starts April 13th, 2021

Visit CoParentingSummit.com for details!

GUEST BIO:

Bela Gandhi is a dating/relationship expert, founder of Smart Dating Academy, and a weekly media correspondent.

She is a relationship expert and has been featured on most national/local media outlets.  She launched her Smart Dating Academy in 2009.

Smart Dating Academy has quickly become one of the nation's top date coaching firms - and teaches busy, successful professionals to jump-start& their dating lives successfully. 

Smart Dating Academy is described by its clients “like going to Harvard Business School, but for dating and relationships”. 

https://www.smartdatingacademy.com/

Instagram: @smartdatingacademy

Twitter: @BelaGandhiLove

One of the hardest things I had to do in the divorce process was to look at myself in the mirror and take responsibility for how I spoke to my now ex-husband.

There are profound lessons to be learned when we face the past and begin the journey of forgiveness, starting with ourselves. The weight of our past pushes against what’s possible for the future, making it nearly impossible to embrace new opportunities.

Have you considered what the cost will be if you don’t forgive yourself? Once we pause and understand the true value of self-compassion, we’re better able to understand the urgency in facing our mistakes and moving forward.

In this episode, I’m sharing the power of self-forgiveness and the simple questions you can ask yourself to remove the weight of the responsibilities you’re carrying, making room for love and compassion in your life.

• Understand how to deal with anger from past choices
  • It’s a natural instinct to turn away from feelings of anger and resentment that surface from the memories of past mistakes. When we embrace that pain and work through it, we’re learning the process of letting go, making room for better things.
• Learn the difference between condoning behavior and accepting what happened
  • Part of our resistance to forgiving others is getting wrapped up in the idea that by letting it go we’re condoning what they did. Learn the process of working through past events and maintaining clear boundaries of behavior you will condone in the future.
• Find out how self-compassion can make you kinder to others
  • True happiness begins with ourselves. Learn the questions I asked myself to get to the bottom of the pain I was holding onto and how focusing on treating myself with kindness created a more authentic version of myself.

DIVORCE & CO-PARENTING SUMMIT, STARTING APRIL 13TH, 2021. LEARN MORE.

Do you feel like you and your ex treat parenting as a competitive sport?

Nurturing and supporting children while going through a divorce can be difficult, but creating mutual understanding and respect between us and the other parent is critical for a peaceful transition from one household to two.

What does the ideal co-parenting situation look like? Who should have the final say in where and how our children live?

Before we’re able to create a plan that works for all members of the family, it’s important to agree upon and define what co-parenting looks like to everyone involved.

In this episode, Karen Bonnell discusses her nearly 30 years of experience helping families transition into co-parenting plans that cultivate child-centered parenting.

• Understand the true definition of co-parenting
  • While getting along is always ideal, co-parenting focuses on respect, clarity, and mutual understanding.
• Parenting doesn’t have to feel like a competition
  • It’s important to teach our children to communicate their needs to both parents and to avoid leaning into behaviors that establish an “alliance” attitude.
• Taking time to learn how to solo parent is normal - and encouraged
  • It’s okay to give ourselves a little room to learn how to navigate parenting on our own terms. Part of co-parenting is having confidence in our own decisions and empowering our children to make their needs known. Those skills don’t evolve overnight and might take a little practice - time is essential to mastery.

A graduate of the University of Michigan, Karen has been board-certified and licensed as an Advanced Registered Nurse Practitioner since 1982 and served on the faculty of University of Michigan, Eastern Michigan University & Seattle Pacific University before beginning full-time private practice in 1984.
 
Karen’s work as a Collaborative Divorce Coach spurred her determination to write “The Co-Parenting Handbook” “ with Kristin Little, Child Specialist.
 
Parents learn the best ways to support their children, strengthen their co-parenting, and discover the necessary tools to skillfully create a two-home family.
 
Karen also created “The Parenting Plan Workbook” with contributor Felicia Malsby Soleil, JD to provide valuable access to the mechanics behind writing a strong, child-centered parenting plan.
 
And most recently, Karen and Patricia Papernow (PAP-ER-NOW), PhD released the newest handbook for parents ready to date and hoping to one day successfully create a stepfamily, “The Stepfamily Handbook: From Dating, to Getting Serious, to Forming a ‘Blended Family’”.
 
Her deep listening skills make all the difference working with co-parent pairs in conflict as they find their way through the pain of divorce into a future with optimism.

Karen's website:  CoachMediateConsult.com (she has two free downloads there)

Twitter.com/Karenbonnellcmc
linkedin.com/in/karenbonnell/
facebook.com/karenbonnellcmc

When it comes to divorce, emotions are at an all-time high. Living in that emotional survival mode makes every conversation carry the potential of sparking a negative reaction from one party or the other.

When is the last time you had an immediate reaction to something your ex said and you regretted it later? Often those instant reactions to sensitive topics can be spoken without thought to the long-term effects of our words.

Learning the difference between a response and a reaction allows us to practice a habit of taking back our power when it comes to our emotional well-being and our decision-making.

In this episode, I’m revealing the strategies you need to know to make a habit of responding vs. reacting to negative conversations.

Co-parenting comes with its challenges, and it can be especially tricky when we’re not always in agreement with our ex’s parenting style. However, by creating a sense of detachment between our approach and theirs, we can make the process a lot easier on everyone involved. 

However, staying neutral can be easier said than done. Is there a quick-fix for staying objective, even when we would love to say something? 

How do we give up trying to control the situation in a totally different household, and where should we be sending our energies instead?

In this episode, parent coach and founder of Mom-Me, Ann Kaplan shares why detachment is the key to successful co-parenting. 

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

• How to stay level-headed when a co-parent does things differently:
  
  Parents often feel attacked when they see their exes doing things differently than they would, but there’s no need to read too deep into it. Just because they do things one way, doesn’t mean they’re suggesting our way is wrong, so create some detachment and avoid overanalyzing.
  
  
• How to stop our kids from baiting us into conflict with their other parent:
  
  The reason our kids try to bait us into getting involved in our co-parents’ rules is because we’re showing them we’re open to it. We have to do the work to feel genuinely detached from the second household, so when the situation arises we’re already neutral.
  
  
• Why we need to stop trying to do it alone:
  
  Human beings are tribal creatures, so trying to go through difficult experiences like divorce or co-parenting on our own is counterintuitive. We have to give ourselves permission to ask for help, whether from coaches, therapists, or even friends.

Guest Bio -

Ann Kaplan is a parent coach and mother to 4 children, ages 6-16. Her holistic approach includes emotional support and home management skills as well as teaching parents effective discipline that empowers children while improving behavior. She brings her experience as a Love and Logic independent facilitator and as a life coach together to create unique support for parents on multiple fronts. 

Find out more at:

https://ann-kaplan-coaching.mykajabi.com/ 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1312805702136863/

https://www.mommeexperience.com/ 

https://ann-kaplan-coaching.mykajabi.com/public-appearances 

And for Ann’s FREE Guide to Getting Kids To Listen The First Time, go to: bit.ly/kidswholisten