The Divorced Woman's Guide Podcast

One thing I’ve discovered is that we are so often very unkind and judgmental of ourselves, in a way we’d never be to anybody else. We also tend to be unkind to ourselves when we need self-love and self-acceptance the most. 

Our lack of self-compassion makes it harder for us to move through hard and challenging times like divorce. 

You see, true self-love and acceptance goes beyond self-esteem and feeling good about ourselves when things are going well. We need to give ourselves kindness when we fail or things don’t go as planned. It comes to caring about ourselves no matter how fragile or imperfect we are. 

What is the difference between self-love and self-compassion? How do we embrace self-compassion and maintain it through the highs and lows of our lives? In this episode, I talk about the power of self-compassion and the steps we can take to achieve it. 

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

Why self-compassion has advantages over self-esteem when things go wrong 

Self-esteem only thrives when we’re getting praise from people, but that can easily run dry when we feel challenged by life or we face failure.  

When we have self-compassion, we’re more resilient to face the challenges of life 

Unlike self-esteem, the good feelings associated with self-compassion don’t depend on us needing to be more special or above anyone else. 

Why self-compassion is a path to healing

By embracing self-compassion, we can come out of our divorce happier and more insightful than we were before. 

Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call (https://calendly.com/wendysterling/15-minute-divorce-recovery-call).

The portrayal of divorce in the media doesn’t put people going through a split on a healthy or healing path. An acrimonious and bitter divorce does not create the inner narratives that bring emotional freedom or the legacy we want to give our children. 

We require a space for patience and positivity, a process that will improve our lives going forward. This is where the Better Apart Method comes in. 

What steps do we need to take to heal and live more wholeheartedly after a divorce? How do mantras envelope our thinking and change our way of being? How do we grieve our marriages in a constructive way? 

In this episode, I’m joined by divorce lawyer mediator, author, speaker and founder of the Better Apart Method, Gabrielle Hartley. She talks about a different approach to divorce, and why it’s changing lives.

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

- How to go from reacting in a heightened state to responding from a thoughtful and neutral place 

- Gabrielle’s process for creating a shift in our narratives to get ourselves on the right track

- An insight into the difference between a broken home and a transformed home

Guest Bio 

Gabrielle Hartley, Esq., is an experienced compassionate and effective divorce lawyer mediator, author and speaker. For the last 25 years, she has served couples in reaching a reasonable resolution. She is well-known for keeping 99% of her cases at the negotiation table and out of the courtroom and for launching The Positive Divorce Movement. Gabrielle founded The Better Apart Method, authored Better Apart; The Radically Positively Way to Separate and is the Founder of The Better Apart Method Online Certification.

For more information and to get Gabrielle’s Survive and Thrive giveaway, and to buy her 6-week online program visit gabriellehartley.com. 

Buy Gabrielle’s book Better Apart: The Radically Positive Way to Separate on Amazon. 

Feeling stuck and unable to move forward? Get 5 proven tips to get unstuck while waiting for your divorce to be done.  Click here to download instantly. (https://www.wendysterling.net/5-Free-Tips-To-Move-Forward)

Divorcing a narcissistic spouse has its own unique set of issues and emotions. If we’re not equipped to deal with them, the breaking up and co-parenting process can be incredibly frustrating, especially when we’ve woken up to who this person truly is. 

When narcissists realize that they are losing their pedestal status, we see another side of them, a side that’s actually triggered by fear. You see, a narcissist is terrified of what their identity means without the way we see them. 

What actually drives a narcissist’s behavior? How do we cope with their manipulation tactics? In this episode, I talk about how to avoid falling into the old patterns with a narcissist, and how to stand in our own power. 

3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode 

- The truth about narcissism and why a narcissist’s ego is their only protection they have from the world. 

- How to overcome the manipulation of narcissists, and how they objectify people.

- How we can claim our space without falling into old dynamics with a narcissist ex. 

Feeling stuck and unable to move forward? Get 5 proven tips to get unstuck while waiting for your divorce to be done.  Click here to download instantly. (https://www.wendysterling.net/5-Free-Tips-To-Move-Forward)

Divorce can truly be the greatest gift that we can give ourselves. Many people going through it are so focused on what they think they’ve lost, that they are completely unaware of what they are gaining. 

This leads to them focusing on the past and seeking some way to punish themselves or their soon-to-be ex, instead of looking forward to their next best chapter. It’s so critical to start to change the focus so that we come out on the other side happier and ready to create the life we want. 

What is the difference between emotional reactions and practical responses? How do we set ourselves up for a less negative divorce process? In this episode, I’m joined by nationally recognized Family Law and Mediation Attorney and podcast host, Susan Guthrie. She draws on 30 years of helping clients and her own divorce experience, and shares the roadmap to getting through divorce. 

3 Things We Learned From This Episode

The difference between being past-focused and future-focused 

Many people going through divorce use the process to seek revenge or retribution, or to hold onto the past, but in order to create the future we want, our approach to divorce needs to be different. Susan shares what a future-focused approach to divorce looks like in this podcast. 

How to Create Your Divorce Roadmap 

The first step is to get an idea of what divorce looks like in your state and what the process will entail. The basics of divorce are how assets will be divided, alimony and custody and co-parenting. 

Why litigation in divorce can make things worse 

Mediation is a different approach to litigating. In litigation, the mindset is focusing on the things that brought about the divorce and the facts of the broken relationship, and using that to bolster the case and throw blame. Meditation focuses on creating a new future for your family that works for everyone.

Susan Guthrie, nationally recognized as one of the Top Family Law and Mediation Attorneys in the country, has been helping individuals and families navigate separation and divorce for 30 years. Susan provides online divorce mediation and legal coaching services to select clients around the world and provides curated resources to those experiencing divorce through her business, Divorce in a Better Way. With a podcast that has been listened to more than 3 million times, Susan recently launched her fresh and inspiring new podcast, The Divorce and Beyond Podcast with Susan Guthrie, Esq. For more information, visit www.divorceinabetterway.com. Listen to the podcast www.divorceandbeyondpod.com. 

Watch Susan’s Top 5 Tips for a Successful Divorce video here https://youtu.be/CO9U61PX6Cg

Feeling stuck and unable to move forward? Get 5 proven tips to get unstuck while waiting for your divorce to be done.  Click here to download instantly. (https://www.wendysterling.net/5-Free-Tips-To-Move-Forward)

There are so many negative emotions that come with divorce, including fear. We fear what the future holds, how different life will be, and all of this changes the way we view ourselves and the world around us. 

When fear creeps in and negativity takes over, the lens we start seeing through is one of lack, doubt and darkness. Our thoughts become our experiences and our realities, making it hard for us to see past what we’re going through. 

These feelings make it hard for us to move forward and we’ll remain stuck and paralyzed. We’ll also miss out on the love that will help us heal and start a new chapter. 

What can letting go of fear and embracing love do for our lives moving forward? How can we let go of fear from the past and return to love? How do we learn to navigate the loss of the end of our marriage? In this episode, I talk about how to shift from fear to love, acceptance and ownership. 

3 Things We Learned From This Episode

Let go of victimhood

When you’re going through a hard time, it’s easy to want to blame someone else. Holding onto blame makes you a victim, and gives that other person control over you and your reality. 

Accept where you are 

By making peace with the darkness and all our insecurities; and accepting and embracing ourselves, we can actually overcome fear because it no longer controls us. 

Put your focus on love 

We tend to focus on controlling outcomes or circumstances, which breeds fear, resentment, frustration and sadness.

Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call.

Sometimes it feels like society tells us that showing our pain is a sign of weakness, and this is especially true for people going through a divorce. 

We put pressure on ourselves to portray an image that we’re doing great even when we’re having a hard time. 

There is no template for how we should look or feel as we struggle through the pain of divorce, but the truth is, we will struggle with sadness, loneliness, doubt and fear. 

Part of my work is to take the shame and embarrassment out of divorce to allow and give permission for women to feel their pain without feeling weak. How do we cope with the hard days of divorce? How can we rediscover ourselves and also stop feeling ashamed of having those bad days? 

In this episode, I share how to navigate the emotions of divorce and reasons to appreciate this new season in your life. 

3 Things We Learned From This Episode

You are allowed to feel crappy as you go through a divorce 

As you go through divorce, you’re going to have different feelings from one day to the next. Sometimes you will feel good, other times you will feel sad, and this is normal. There’s no need to pretend that you are happier than you are. In fact, our healing comes from going through all these emotions. 

Being single can be really good for you

Being single doesn’t have to be a lesser experience than being in a relationship. In an uncoupled state, you can allow for growth, self-improvement, authenticity and joy. 

Get to know yourself on your own terms

Many women lose themselves in their marriages, divorce creates the opportunity to get reacquainted with yourself, and even discover new things about yourself. What you learn will set up a path to a happier and more fulfilled life. 

Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call.

We all have self-criticism and self-sabotaging voices that hold us back, the dreaded inner critic. This voice wants to make us more acceptable to others by criticizing and correcting our behavior, so we don’t get rejected or hurt. 

They are built on expectations placed on us by parents, caregivers, peers and the media; not on what actually fulfills us. It’s an attempt to control you by molding you to the world’s criteria and that you’re broken. You’re not broken, you’ve just been believing your inner critic for far too long. 

If you’re struggling with negative self-talk and wondering how to silence those voices, what are the first steps you need to take? How do we separate ourselves from our inner critics? 

On this episode, I talk about how to stop succumbing to the pressure of the inner critic, how to actually work with your inner critic to get more desirable outcomes and see the voices as a catalyst for growth. 

3 Things We Learned From This Episode

How the inner critic can trigger a disruptive cycle 

Your inner critic collaborates with other not-so-helpful parts of ourselves that when they get out of control create more harm than good. This is the pleaser, the rule maker and the perfectionist.  

Why the inner critic holds us back 

The inner critic wants to protect us and keep us safe, but it tends to go on a power trip when we let it take control. If we listen to it too much, we’ll remain stuck, limited and living in fear of being ourselves. 

How to separate ourselves from our inner critics 

The part of our personalities that we developed to protect ourselves is a small piece of who we are, not all of us. If we make our inner critic ruler of everything we think and do our relationships, work and self-esteem will plummet.

Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call.

Free but scared and empty, that’s how I felt the moment I told my husband I wanted a divorce. I knew that it wasn’t working, and I couldn’t recognize myself when I looked in the mirror, and I didn’t know who I was without him. 

This was the beginning of my journey to becoming a divorced recovery specialist. 

To initiate my true transformation, I had to search for answers, rediscover myself, stand in my power and design a life I love. I know it’s not an easy process because I’ve been on that journey. 

If you’re feeling stuck and don’t know how to get your transformation going, I’m here to tell you that you can do it. Whether you’re still deciding whether to stay or go, about to file, going through the divorce or you’re on the other side of it, this podcast is for you.  

Welcome to The Divorced Woman’s Guide Podcast. I’m so happy you’ve decided to join me on this journey. Together, we are going to rediscover your identity and use your voice to design a life you love!

3 Things We Learned From This Episode

How little changes will add up to big results

Instead of envisioning change as something huge, start seeing the smallest little shifts leading to the largest rewards. As a divorced woman, it doesn’t take great leaps to get better, even though it feels like. It takes a commitment to change. I’m here to help you start making these shifts. 

How to change your mindset to get through divorce 

Your mindset is key to navigating your divorce. It’s important to change how you see and feel about yourself. By becoming more aware of how you speak to yourself, you can start retraining your brain to create the new thought patterns that will take you into your next best life. 

Figuring out who you are again is part of the process

Like many women going through divorce, I found myself in a conflict between who I was in my marriage and who I was at work. At work, they know who I was and how to use my voice. In my marriage, I had lost my voice and my sense of identity. This is common and I did overcome this conflict.

Feeling stuck and unable to move forward? Get 5 proven tips to get unstuck while waiting for your divorce to be done.  Click here to download instantly.