In this powerful episode of The PDA Parenting Podcast, host Amy Kotha is joined by Diane Gould, LCSW - a veteran therapist, late-diagnosed autistic woman, and Director of PDA North America. Diane shares her personal journey to discovering her neurodivergence and how it informs her professional mission to amplify PDA awareness and advocacy across the continent.

Together, Amy and Diane dive into what it truly means for neurodivergent individuals - especially those with a PDA profile - to find their voice in a world that often misunderstands them. From school struggles and masking to identity, self-advocacy, and parenting with presence, this episode is rich with insight, validation, and practical wisdom.

Highlights:

• Diane’s late autism diagnosis and the surprising story behind it
• The founding and mission of PDA North America
• The power of lived experience in supporting PDA families
• Rethinking behavior through the lens of curiosity and nervous system regulation
• What it means to scaffold our kids' voices — not replace them
• A vision for a truly neurodivergent-affirming world

Resources & Contact:

• 📚 Navigating PDA in America by Diane Gould & Ruth Fidler
• 🌐 PDA North America  www.pdanorthamerica.org
• PEERS®-Inspired Friendship & Relationship Program  https://dianegouldtherapy.com/peers/
• 📧 Email: [email protected] or [email protected]

✨ To learn more about Amy’s work or to get coaching support, visit www.amykcoach.com

What is it really like to grow up with a sibling who has PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) autism? In this powerful episode, I sit down with my daughter Devika -an autistic, ADHD teen herself - to talk about her personal experience as the sister of a PDA child. Devi shares openly about the emotional ups and downs, how family dynamics were affected, and what helped her feel seen in a home where one child needed constant support.

This heartfelt conversation touches on the invisible sibling role, neurodivergent family dynamics, and the unique challenges of being both a support system and a child navigating her own needs. If you’re a parent wondering how to support your neurotypical or neurodivergent child alongside a PDA sibling, this episode is a must-listen!

• Growing up with a sister who struggled with leaving the house for school created early confusion and stress
• Feeling the need to stay quiet and not express needs because they "weren't as important" as her sister's
• Taking on the "mascot" role in the family – using humor and distraction to cope with difficult situations
• Finding school to be a crucial escape from home life struggles
• The importance of discovering "safe people" outside the family who see you as an individual
• Learning that PDA outbursts aren't personal: "They take it out on you because they know you're somebody who will never leave them"
• How sibling relationships can evolve positively over time with understanding and communication
• Advice for siblings currently living through difficult family dynamics with PDA

Download the free guide "Invisible Roles in PDA Families" through amykcoach.com to explore the roles your children might be taking on and find ways to better support all family members.

How does growing up with a PDA sibling shape a child’s identity, needs, and voice? In this episode of The PDA Parenting Podcast, Amy Kotha explores the often overlooked experience of siblings in families raising a child with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA autism).

Drawing from her own family’s story and her experience as a parent coach, Amy shares:

• How PDA shapes family dynamics and sibling roles
  
  
  
• Personal reflections on her daughter Devi’s journey as the sister of a PDAer
  
  
  
• A breakdown of common survival roles and how they show up in siblings
  
  
  
• Gentle, actionable ways to name, validate, and repair sibling experiences in high-stress homes
  
  
  

The concept of survival roles—like the Hero, Mascot, Lost Child, and Scapegoat—has its roots in family systems theory. But in the context of parenting neurodivergent or trauma-impacted children, I lean on the work of Robyn Gobbel, especially in Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors. She reframes these roles as nervous system adaptations, not character flaws—helping us see them with more compassion and flexibility.

Whether you're a parent carrying guilt, a sibling seeking understanding, or a professional supporting PDA families, this episode offers compassion, clarity, and hope.

🎧 Tune in to learn how to better support all the children in your home - not just the one in crisis.

🔗 Free printable: “Invisible Roles in PDA Households” available at www.amykcoach.com

🟡 Next episode: A powerful conversation with Amy’s daughter Devi on what it’s really like growing up with a PDA sibling!

Resource/Citation:

Gobbel, Robyn. Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: The Neuroscience of Connection and Communication.

Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2023.

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, Amy is joined by her daughter Maya - who shares her lived experience as a PDA autistic teen. Together, they explore the PDA experience of feeling trapped: at school, in the medical system, and inside her own mind.

From second-grade meltdowns to high school shutdowns to hospital sensory overwhelm, Maya speaks candidly about what “feeling trapped” really means for someone with a PDA profile. Amy and Maya discuss nervous system overwhelm, the importance of autonomy, why being heard matters, and how PDAers often struggle to express what’s happening internally. 

This episode is a must-listen for parents, teachers, and professionals looking to better understand and support PDA kids from the inside out.

If this episode helped you, please subscribe and leave a 5-star review—it helps other PDA parents find this podcast!

In this episode, Amy Kotha explores the powerful theme of feeling trapped - a core experience for many PDA autistic kids and a familiar reality for their parents, too. She breaks down what “trapped” looks like at different ages and shares five ways to help everyone in the family feel more free.

For PDAers, trapped doesn’t just mean physically stuck - it’s about a lack of autonomy, emotional overwhelm, and a nervous system in constant survival mode. Amy walks through how this shows up in kids, teens, and parents alike, and offers strategies to break the cycle: scaffolding with care, shifting expectations, balancing power, and watching for learned helplessness.

If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and leave a 5-star review—it helps other parents find this support!

Resources/Sources Mentioned:

Amanda Diekman, Low Demand Parenting  https://www.amandadiekman.com/

In this reflective solo episode, Amy Kotha shares a deeply personal story about parenting her PDA daughter through a major life transition - and how her daughter’s struggles unexpectedly derailed her own plans.

Amy explores what happens when parenting a child with PDA autism pulls us off our own path and into their emotional storms. From delayed podcast launches to insights about co-regulation, enmeshment, and grace, this episode offers validation and practical wisdom for parents feeling stuck. You’ll learn how to stay grounded, reframe guilt, and remember that your needs matter too.

If this resonated with you, please subscribe and leave a 5-star review—it helps more PDA parents find this podcast!

In Part 2 of our introduction to Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), host Amy Kotha explores the social characteristics that make this autism profile so complex - especially masking, fluctuating social skills, and the surprising ways demand avoidance shows up in relationships.

Amy shares personal stories and expert insights to help parents recognize common PDA traits like masking at school, social burnout, resistance to hierarchy, and people-centered obsessive behaviors. Learn how PDAers can seem socially skilled yet struggle deeply with internal demands and regulation. Understanding these patterns is key to providing brain-based, empathetic support at home.

If this episode helped you, please subscribe and leave a 5-star review—it helps other PDA parents find this podcast!

In this inaugural episode of The PDA Parenting Podcast, host Amy Kotha - parent coach and mom to a teen with PDA autism - introduces the concept of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA). Learn about the key characteristics of PDA, its impact on children's behavior, and why understanding this profile is crucial for effective parenting.

Amy shares her personal journey navigating the complexities of raising a child with PDA, shedding light on the challenges and breakthroughs along the way. This episode covers:

• An overview of PDA and its distinction within the autism spectrum
• The neurological underpinnings of PDA behaviors
• The "can't, not won't" phenomenon and its implications
• Strategies for fostering connection and empathy in parenting
  
  

Whether you're new to PDA or seeking deeper insights, this episode offers valuable perspectives to support your parenting journey.

If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe and leave a 5-star review to help other parents discover this resource!

Resources/Sources mentioned:

PDA North America  https://pdanorthamerica.org/

PDA Society  https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/

"Elizabeth Newsome...""...an obsessional avoidance of the ordinary demands..." https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4820467/