The Place We Find Ourselves

I am joined by Cathy Loerzel to talk about how to engage another person's story. Effective story engagement is not a magical skill that some people have and some people don't. It can be learned. Today we give a preview of some of the principles and tactics of effective story engagement. If you want to learn more, consider joining us on Saturday, February 19, for a one day zoom conference on How to Engage Another Person's Story. You can sign up here.

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Bethany Robbins returns to identify the key points to cover when you talk to your children about sex, including the subject of pornography and the importance of naming the feeling of sexual arousal and blessing that feeling rather than communicating that sexual arousal is bad or dangerous. We also talk about how you can gauge your own sexual health, how you can know the degree to which you are sexually whole or the degree to which you have unaddressed sexual shame. Last, we share some next steps you can take if you want to address your sexual story and your sexual shame.

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I am joined today by Bethany Robbins to address the subject of talking to your children about sex. Bethany and I each share a story about how our parents talked to us about sex. It's important to understand how your story is playing out in the way you talk to your children about sex… or don't talk to your children about sex. Here's the main point: your story in your family of origin is profoundly influencing how you are presently talking to your children about sex.

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I am joined today by author Kate Bowler to talk about her recently released book No Cure For Being Human. Topics covered: the very human desire to have a blueprint or formula for how to live life (and why this doesn't work), coming undone by tragedy (such as a Stage IV cancer diagnosis at age 35), and the (false) promise of American individualism which says that we can conquer not only the external world, but our own inner world.

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Cathy Loerzel and Dan Allender join me today to talk about their newly published book Redeeming Heartache: How Past Suffering Reveals Our True Calling. Cathy and Dan reflect on what redemption actually means in the context of our stories, why they believe redemption is possible, and how our experiences of being an orphan, a stranger, and a widow can shape our sense of personal calling. If you want to engage your story in more depth, consider signing up for The Story Workshop which will be held virtually from October 14-17. You can sign up by going to theallendercenter.org and if you use promo code HOPE21, the $50 application fee will be waived.

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This is the final episode in the series on interacting with someone who has harmed you. Today we look at what it means to establish clear boundaries and put relational consequences in place when necessary. I also talk about what is involved in forgiveness and reconciliation. Please consider supporting the podcast by clicking here.

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Your body tells a story. The sensations in your body reveal something about what you have experienced, what you hold, and what you carry. Most of us are either unaware of the sensations in our bodies, or we ignore them, or we war against them. An alternative is to pay attention to your body and to become curious about what your body may be telling you. Jenny McGrath joins me today to talk about her Embodied Story digital course. You can sign up here.

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Today's focus is how to engage with, love, and honor a wicked person. Direct confrontation is not going to work. You need to be cunning, shrewd, and strategically disruptive. Think "surprise attacks of disruptive kindness" rather than direct confrontation. Dan Allender and Tremper Longman point out that the key to loving a wicked person is "insightful preparation, clear boundaries, and courageous consequences." Today we focus on insightful preparation.

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What does it mean to honor your father/mother when they have harmed you? What does it mean to love someone who has harmed you? Today's episode looks at these two questions. Love always disrupts the status quo. In other words, when you engage with someone in a loving way, your relationship with them will change. They will either harden or soften toward you—but the current state of the relationship will be no more. This is the beginning of what the Bible calls reconciliation. Loving and honoring a person who has harmed you creates the possibility for reconciliation to occur.

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This is part 2 of a series of episodes focused on how to interact with someone who has harmed you. Today's episode identifies two additional attributes of wicked people—namely scapegoating and intellectual deviousness. If you confront a wicked person about their sin or failure—instead of examining their heart and feeling sorrow and guilt for how they have hurt you—a wicked person will somehow shift the blame onto your failure and your sin. This is scapegoating. Intellectual deviousness refers to the ways wicked people use words to twist truth, avoid guilt, and fill you with self-doubt.

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