The Reinvention Era

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Have you ever found yourself grappling with terms like "gaslighting," "ghosting," or "trauma bonds," unsure of their meanings or implications? 

If so, you're not alone.

In this episode, we delve into the complex world of divorce and relationship terminology and lingo…. A bit like an alternative dictionary.

There is so much of this language that has seeped into everyday conversations but often it leaves us feeling confused as to what the hell it all means. From "breadcrumbing" to "gaslighting," this episode is a bit like having your own translator. 

TW: Some of the words and terms are complex and can be re-traumatising. If you are experiencing any of the abuse we talked about in today’s episode, please please please seek support.

These are some UK services for supporting domestic abuse:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/

https://refuge.org.uk/

Remember, you deserve to live a fulfilling and healthy life, free from toxic relationships and abuse.

Sending you SO much love

Sarah 🌸

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Are you ready for a deep dive into the bewildering world of runaway husbands? In this episode of The Divorce Chapter podcast, I explore the unexpected plot twist of husbands who just up and leave with zero warning. 

Drawing inspiration from the book "Runaway Husbands" by Vikki Stark, I share my own insights and experiences, emphasizing the parallels many of us going through divorce may find in this deep dive.

I go through the emotional rollercoaster of wife abandonment syndrome, discussing the chaos of the initial shock, the obsessive thoughts, revenge fantasies, and the transformative journey towards rebuilding a new life. The episode delves into the seven steps for moving forward detailed in the book, offering a roadmap for those navigating the challenging terrain of unexpected divorces.

Join me on this journey as I share stories, experiences, and highlight the significance of the upcoming Divorce Book Club. Discover the healing power of learning and growing together as you too turn the unexpected divorce plot twist into a new and improved happily ever after.

Remember, you're not alone in this.  

Sending you SO much love 

Sarah  🌸

The BOOK: Runaway Husbands by Vikki Stark: 

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1988498015/ref=nosim?tag=thedivorceboo-21

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Hello, and welcome back to another episode of the Divorce Chapter podcast, turning the unexpected divorce plot twist into a new and improved happily ever after. 


Can we talk about Valentine's Day for a moment? After a divorce, it feels like hearts and flowers just rub salt in the wound, right?

But let's turn the tables on this whole Valentine's drama. Join me on the podcast as I spill the beans about my cliché engagement story that happened on Valentine's Day (yes, seriously!). We'll chat through the expectations and disappointments tied to this lovey-dovey day and maybe find some humour in the process.

Expect a dash of Anti-Valentine's, because, why not? Did you know there's an entire week dedicated to it? From SLAP day to BREAK-UP day, it's a rollercoaster of emotions, and I'm here for it. Let's explore reframing Valentine's Day, injecting some laughs, and creating our own traditions.

And if the whole romantic vibe is getting you down, fear not! We'll go into the art of self-love. Imagine buying yourself the most beautiful flowers, creating a self-care package, or treating yourself to a luxurious shopping spree. It's all about embracing the leading-lady energy in your life.

And that's not without romanticising your own life? I'm talking about adding a sprinkle of magic to the mundane, treating yourself like the star you are, and taking yourself on a date. Get ready to laugh, love, and embrace the fabulousness that is you!

So, whether you're diving into Galentine's Day, awaiting Black Day in April, or just celebrating your solo status, remember – you have the power to choose how you approach these days. Let's reframe expectations, find the joy in our own company, and laugh in the face of societal pressures.

As always, sending you all my love, and I can't wait to be back in your beautiful earbuds next week 

🌸

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In this episode of the Divorce Chapter podcast, I am exploring the challenging process of letting go of anger, hurt, and resentment after a divorce. I go deep into the complexity of emotions post-divorce, and the importance of moving past the destructive emotions associated with betrayal and actively choosing a path of healing and growth.

The lasting impact of being lied to, cheated on, and manipulated by someone supposed to love us is fucking HARD, but in the episode we talk about the damage that holding onto anger can cause…. and so it’s about ‘choosing the hard’. I’d love for us to shift the focus from seeking revenge to reclaiming power over our lives.

Throughout the episode, I share practical tips and ideas for managing anger and challenging negative thoughts and feelings. The ultimate goal is to reach a state of neutrality, not fuelled by hatred or love but ‘just’ indifference. The aim is always taking small steps towards creating a new, positive chapter in our life after divorce.


I hope you enjoy the episode

Sarah 🌸

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Welcome back to another episode of the Divorce Chapter podcast! I hope you're hanging in there as we approach the end of January – almost made it!

Not much to report my end, except my ongoing battle with technology. Getting the Divorce Book Club off the ground is proving to be a tech-induced headache. Website, links, and all the digital intricacies – it's exhausting, to say the least.

But hey, more about the exciting stuff. Drumroll, please – introducing the upcoming Divorce Book Club! Get ready for a literary journey through books on divorce, relationships, personal development – all the good stuff. We'll explore a book each month, accompanied by exclusive Patreon podcast episodes filled with stories and anecdotes. Together, we'll conquer divorce. Who's with me on winning this battle?

Stay tuned for updates as I navigate through the tech chaos!

Now, back to today's episode topic – sleep. While there’s so much out there about sleep science, let's keep it real with some quick tips and hacks to help you catch those much-needed Zs.

I talk through my experiences of those brutal early days and my lowest times, and the added layer of anxiety around the sleeping tablets that the GP prescribed. Adapting to sleeping alone added a new layer of struggle. The empty bed echoed the cold, empty feeling of life after divorce.

Attempting to sleep, your brain betrays you, replaying every memory, accompanied by divorce demons and anxiety. Social media rabbit holes, weird dreams, and waking up to the painful reality – the sleep saga post-divorce is anything but ordinary.

No surprise, right? Divorce ranks among life's most stressful events, and stress and sleep aren't exactly buddies – more like divorced acquaintances.

So, what can we do? Forget the sleep cycles; getting proper sleep is the challenge. In the absence of an expert on the pod, I talk through 20 hacks I've tried myself over the years.

Remember, take what works for you, and feel free to create your own dreamy sleep routine. 

If any of these hacks do resonate with you, please do share them on social media, tag me @thedivorcechapter, and leave a kind review. Your feedback means the world.

As always, this podcast is for you, so let me know if there are experts you'd like to hear from or topics you’d love me to cover. We've got this! Until next week, sending loads of love. Sleep well and live your best life after divorce! 🌸

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Welcome back to another episode of The Divorce Chapter Podcast and it’s a bit of a heavyweight topic – getting over lies, manipulation, and deception. 

Lies can be a real killer, and my ex-husband was a champion at it. The lies unraveled gradually, a trickle truth that only surfaced when he was caught. It's a tale of lunches turning into kisses, and kisses turning into affairs – all revealed one painful layer at a time.

Gaslighting, a tactic to make us doubt our sanity, was another layer of torment. They twist reality, making us question our own perceptions. It's a mind game we never signed up for, leaving us with profound trust issues.

But here's the thing, it's not our fault. Our responsibility now is to take care of ourselves and heal. How do we rebuild trust, especially in ourselves? 

And that’s what I hope to help you with in this episode. Because rebuilding trust is like repairing a leaky roof – one tile at a time. 

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First up, I wanted to share two practices that I forgot to mention last week… but that I think may be helpful if you are at the surviving rather than thriving phrase:

• Word for the year
• Win/Happy/Gratitude Jar

Then I delve into a topic I've debated discussing—alcohol and its role in post-divorce life. While not divorce-specific, it was a significant theme for me and perhaps for you too.

I talk about how much it became an escape when I just wanted to block out ALL the crap. I just wanted to numb myself. 

And it seems I wasn’t the only one judging by some of the studies I found. Many of us turn to various habits, consciously or subconsciously, seeking a way to navigate the aftermath of divorce.

But this episode isn't just about highlighting the struggles; it's about sharing a personal journey of transformation as I have just done a year with no alcohol (completely unintentionally I might add!!) and through the journey in this episode, I share insights, tips, and personal anecdotes to hopefully maybe inspire some healthier healing habits as coping mechanisms.

Please do let me know if you enjoy it.

Thank you as always for listening. 

P.S. if it may be helpful if anything in this episode triggers something for you.... x
https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/

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Welcome back to The Divorce Chapter podcast and let's dive into the New Year, a time often associated with resolutions. Not the "New Year, New You" BS… because there's absolutely nothing wrong with us as we are. 

However, because this year started on a Monday, it kinda offered the perfect alignment of a new year, month, week, and day. 

The "Fresh Start Effect" is a psychological phenomenon suggesting we're more motivated to pursue goals at the beginning of a new time period. 

But after a divorce, it can feel like our whole world has crumbled. So, where do we even start in rebuilding it practically? 

In this week's podcast episode, we delve into the "Wheel of Life" framework, breaking down our lives into different areas. By doing so, we can identify the steps needed to reach our desired destinations (or icing a great big chocolate cake!)

This isn't about fleeting resolutions forgotten by mid-January; it's about setting intentions to make this year a remarkable chapter…It's about writing the first sentence for the first page.

Hopefully (if the tech worked!!) here is a wheel of life template you can use with the episode;  https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_LRdL8AZmkGF0hQ98NoCkR68hT8Ee1-t/view?usp=drive_link

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Hey there, over here diving into Twixtmas and hoping you had a peaceful Christmas. 

This time between the holidays is magical for reflection, and I've always loved it. Back when I was married, those days when the kids and the ex were away, and I had the house to myself – it was almost better than Christmas! But then 2012 hit, and after a horrendous Christmas, I walked out on 28 of December. 

Unexpectedly, that became a blessing in disguise, and now, 11 years later, I want to share 11 key lessons I've learned.

Lessons Learned:

1. Being Rejected is Not the End

   - I spent years fearing rejection, tying it to my worth. Turns out, rejection is redirection. It led me out of a toxic marriage into a happier life.

2. You Can't Change Other People:

   - No matter how much I searched for reasons behind the divorce, I couldn't change him. People show who they are; my ex-husband was always going to be who he was.

3. Own Your Shit:

   - The hardest lesson was owning my part, shifting from victim to taking responsibility. It's the third step in my Blossom Method.

4. Heal Before Dating:

   - Jumping into the dating pool too soon led to ‘encounters’ with all sorts. It’s not a clear water dating pool….

5. No Need for External Validation:

   - External validation used to be everything. Now, I've learned to find validation within, realizing I'm complete on my own.

6. Solo Holidays are Cool:

   - Discovering the joy of holidaying alone was unexpected. Embracing independence and enjoying my own company turned out to be pretty amazing.

7. Knowing When to Throw Down the Anchor:

   - Picture sailing through life, hit by a storm. Learning to throw down the anchor, finding stability amidst chaos, was a game-changer.

8. Trust Your Gut:

   - Trusting my gut was a tough lesson. I knew something was off in my marriage, but I doubted myself (as did everyone else). Always trust your gut; it's been my compass ever since.

9. I love Sleeping Alone:

   - Surprisingly, sleeping alone became a love affair. No snoring, no farting – just me and my abundant AF bed.

10. Divorce is Not Shameful:

    - Overcoming the stigma attached to divorce was liberating. It's not shameful, and I won't let societal judgments define my journey.

11. Breath by Breath, Step by Step:

    - Taking life one breath, one step at a time is how I moved forward after divorce. It's about showing up for yourself every day, gradually blossoming into the next chapter.

So, there you have it – 11 lessons from 11 years post-divorce. I'm grateful for the empowerment and contentment I've found. If you've got your own lessons or thoughts, shoot me a message. Let's keep this conversation going.

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Last week, I went through the logistics of holiday planning post-divorce. However, dealing with a tricky ex and managing the emotional rollercoaster during the festive season is far from a dreamy cocktail.... definitely no Cosmo (or even a Snowball - who remembers them?!)

So this week, I'm exploring a bit about the mechanics of our nervous system and going through some practical techniques to stay calm, collected, and at peace when we might be triggered by our ex over Christmas. 

I go through the basics of the sympathetic nervous system (and fight, flight, freeze) and then the parasympathetic nervous system, introducing the ventral vagal nerve.

Then I talk through some ways to get ourselves back to a safe place in our bodies when we are faced with a trigger and a trauma response, particularly from a challenging ex-partner.

So, techniques such as mindful breathing, humming, and VOO breathing.... as well as grounding techniques, and creating an anchor point. 

The goal is to practice these strategies, preparing the body to respond to triggers in a way that promotes calmness and safety.

My aim is for you to have a peaceful, calm and even enjoyable Christmas after divorce. 

Wishing you so much love for the festive season, wherever you are at, and thank you so very much, as always, for listening into the Divorce Chapter podcast 

🌸