The Single Mom Podcast - Single Parent Advice, Support & a Little Bit of Humor

The most recent controversial decision by the Trump administration (because there have been quite a few to choose from) is taking aim as transgender youth in our schools.

In May of 2016 the  Obama administration stated that Title IX protects the right of transgender students to use the restroom and locker rooms that coincide with the gender they identify with. However, recently the current administration has decided that they didn't really like that idea.

Stating that they believe that it should be something each state and local school district should develop policy on. Basically passing the buck to the states, which means that many transgender students in conservative states are screwed.

Now putting aside all of the politics that come along with what should be a basic human right issue it does bring up the topic of how are we addressing this with our children? I mean it does effect them doesn't it?

So I thought I would share how this issue has effected our family because:

we actually know a trans child,she goes to my daughter's school.she rides in our carpooland we simply adore her!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Valentine's Day. A day that, for some, brings more misery than happiness. Those who are single and long to have someone to share their life with may find this day to be horribly depressing. 

I however, am not one of those people. 

Valentine's Day is just another day for me. Nothing special about it. I don't feel better or worse about myself on this day. Nor do I long for something that I am 'missing' in my life. 

I realized that for many this day is not so simple. For many, they feel lonely or like they are missing a piece in the grand puzzle of their life. This led me to think about the difference between being alone and being lonely. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

HAPPY 2017!!!!

I hope that the first few weeks of the new year have been good for you. I know that this has been a scary couple of weeks for me. As many of you listening know I am not a huge Trump fan. To be honest he scares the hell out of me and I find him kind of childish. 

However, like it or not, he is the new President of the United States. That being said I decided that this would make for a good topic for this podcast. Not Trump per say BUT my ability to manage how I feel about Trump.

What does any of this have to do with New Year's Resolutions you may ask? Well, here's how.

I have always had an issue with making New Year's Resolutions mainly because of the mindset around them. The fact that we are supposed to tell ourselves that the very first day of a New Year holds some secret power over us to make us do things that we haven't done ALL YEAR LONG! Like some sort of ass backwards Cinderella - the stroke of midnight is going to somehow make us magically become better at doing shit!? 

Um-no. That isn't how it works. We can tell ourselves that all we want but if we are truly being honest, the second we make that resolution we already have a part of our brain ticking down the time until we break them. The simple idea of a New Year's Resolution brings that idea of when we are going to break it into our minds. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

ARE HATCHIMALS EVEN WORTH IT?!   

It seems like every few years or so there is a toy that comes out around Christmas time that sends parents into a consumer frenzy. A toy that their child simply HAS to have. Like I will totally DIE if you don’t get that for me Mom!

When I was a child it was Cabbage Patch Dolls. Those were the must have toys for that year back in 19- cough cough!

I realize I just totally dated myself because I remember when Cabbage Patch Dolls were new and special. That is the very first toy craze I remember though.   

I was lucky though, because around the time that the Cabbage Patch dolls were in high demand my father worked as the manager of a toy store! So you can guess which little girl got the hook up on Cabbage Patch Dolls.

When people were running around like crazy trying to find a doll, ANY doll my wonderful father had already shipped me THREE! Well, actually it was two dolls and one Koosa. Now if you aren’t familiar with Koosas they were the ‘pets’ of the Cabbage Patch dolls. There was a dog, a cat and a lion – those are the only ones I remember. They were basically Cabbage Patch dolls with animal heads and tails.   

Now let’s forget that the way this product was marketed they were basically trying to tell little children that if they had this Koosa doll they would be lucky. I wanted one just so my other dolls could have a pet. During the Cabbage Patch rush these guys were just as hard to find as the others. So I was REALLY lucky to have gotten one for Christmas that year.Moving forward the next real toy craze I remember was that damn Tickle Me Elmo doll. Remember that one? People were going CRAZY about that toy back in 1996. People were stampeding each other, parents were getting into fights in the stores… it was ridiculous! I remember as a teenager thinking they were all insane!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The fallout from the election last week has been an interesting one to say the least. There have been protests for the last few days by those who are genuinely fearful of a Donald Trump presidency and there are those who say the should just get over it. 

The only thing that can be agreed upon at this point is that we are all just hoping that this won't screw up the country. We hope that after every election though don't we?

The biggest concern though for many is the hate and fear based campaign run by Trump and how that will now translate to his presidency. Will he follow thought with all his promises? Or will we see him walk back many of the things that he said - which we are already witnessing a bit of in the past few days. 

Today's podcast I talk about:

why those protesters have every right to do what they are doingWhy there needs to be just a bit more understanding on both partsHow we are handling the election and resulting fall out in our homeEncouraging my children to be champions to those who feel threatenedWhy it is important to make positive LOUDI also will address the fact that I sometimes swear in my podcast and why that won't be changing any time soon.  

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this podcast I will be discussing my feelings on the 2016 Presidential election and how I am talking about it with my children. 

There is no doubt that this election has been the most divisive and ugly election that I and most every one else have ever experienced. There wasn't just mud slinging and scandal - those happen in every election sadly. No in this election it was much worse. Because in this election we had Donald Trump.

Not only was this man completely unqualified to run for President, he ran the most horrifying campaign that I have ever witnessed. From calling Mexicans rapists, to insulting women and people with disabilities he ran the gambit of offenses. All the way up to having a tape surface of him bragging about assaulting women. 

And somehow, this man won.

I spent the better part of the day after the election in utter disbelief of what had occurred. How? How did hate and divisiveness win the highest office in our country? How did a pompous reality tv star get elected to be our next president?

And how - how am I going to explain this to my children? My babies who I have tried to raise to be good people. I have brought my kids up to know that bullying is wrong, racism is wrong, bigotry in all forms is wrong, touching people without their permission and sexual assault is wrong. Yet here is a man who did all of those things, is a GLARING example of all of those things - and he was just elected president. 

I am horrified that such a vast majority of our country believed that this man, this horrible man, was the answer to our countries problems. 

Now I know that many people simply didn't want Hillary Clinton to be President. I get that. I understand. She has had her fair share of scandal and problems. I don't discount them. However, she was categorically more qualified to lead our country than him. 

I also know that many people voted for him because he wasn't a politician and they felt that the establishment was responsible for all their ills in life. So they decided to burn it to the ground. 

And I also know that many voted for him because they themselves are racists and bigots and horrible individuals and they felt that he was their champion. And that disturbs me on a very deep level. 

But, like it or not, he was in fact elected. So now what? Now what do we do? As a nation we are more divided than ever, a lot of that due frankly to the campaign that Mr. Trump ran. So how do we who did not support him come to terms with this? How do we move on? 

Well I for one told my children that no matter what, the most important thing was for them to still be good people. To love others. To include others. To support understanding and not hate. And to stick up for those who they may see being persecuted. To be the good guys and not the bad. To be positive and hopeful. And to hope as hard as they can that Trump doesn't screw it up.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this podcast I discuss the upcoming election, perspective and how our perspective of things can cause us to be blind to how other people view things. Going through life with blinders on and never trying to see things from another perspective can cause so much dysfunction and so many problems. 

As parents, as people - it is so critical, especially now, to be able to at least TRY to view things from another perspective.

Currently in this election season - having been one of the worst that I personally have ever seen I am faced with new problems and new issues to look at. New things that I unfortunately now have to discuss with my children. 

When they come to me and ask:

"Why are those people yelling mean things about Mexicans?"

"Mommy, my friend at school is crying and scared that if Donald Trump wins the election that she and her family will be sent home because they are Muslim"

"Mommy, why does he hate Muslims?"

"Why are all these people so mean to each other?"

And then, having to explain and discuss the vile things that were spoken on a bus by a grown man who should have known better. Having to have a discussion with my teenage boys about assault and why what he said was so offensive to me as a woman. And to ensure that they knew (which they already did but due to these circumstances I felt I REALLY needed to drive the point home) that is it NEVER ok to touch a woman without her permission. 

Trying to explain why someone running for the highest office in the world is acting less mature than my 9 year old is not an easy thing to do. Much less trying to explain why he is that odd orange color. 

And as much as this election has enraged me at times I do have to take a step back and realize that some people who follow and support Trump maybe just don't get it. Maybe they don't understand why some of the things that he says are so terrible to most of the rest of us in the country. Perspective. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT KAEPERKICK NOT STANDING?   

Unless you have been living under a rock somewhere you know about the recent to-do involving San Francisco 49er’s Quarterback Colin Kaepernick not standing during the National Anthem.

Kaepernick stated in an interview later his reasons for not standing – https://youtu.be/laG1y6FpAhc&vq=1080   

Since his decision to sit during the National Anthem there have been many who have spoken out both for and against his decision. Those who are against his choice have been, let’s just say – colorful in their comments against him. Many who say an athlete who makes millions of dollars shouldn’t or can’t say anything about being oppressed or injustices.   Many who say that because of all of the success he has had and the fact that he was raised by adoptive parents who are white he has no right or reason to say anything. That because he clearly hadn’t suffered any indignities that he has no room to talk. Many who say that because of the opportunities he has had that he shouldn’t be disrespecting the flag and anthem of the country that gave him those opportunities.

However, there are many people who feel that Kaepernick is justified in his protest. Using his platform to bring attention to an ongoing problem in our country. Keeping the discussion and awareness current to try and bring about much needed change.

There are others still who may not agree with him not standing but they agree with his right to do so!Including many veterans who started the #veteransforkaepernick that started trending across the internet. Many of whom have stated that they fully support him in his actions.

 President Obama even stated his support of what the pro-athlete has done, stating that he is exercising his constitutional right. Which of course made many conservatives in this country practically stroke with outrage.

Jim Wright an author and vet who posted an essay on his Facebook page with his response to the issue which has since gone viral also supports Kaepernick.

“IF Kaepernick doesn’t feel his country respects him enough for him to respect it in return, well, then you can’t MAKE him respect it.

You can not make him respect it.

If you try to force a man to respect you, you’ll only make him respect you less.

With threats, by violence, by shame, you can maybe compel Kaepernick to stand up and put his hand over his heart and force him to be quiet. You might.

But that’s not respect.

It’s only the illusion of respect.”   

WHAT DO YOU TELL YOUR KIDS ABOUT KAEPERNICK?

I have had several people ask me how I have approached this topic with my children.

“What do you say to them about his lack of respect?”

“Would you allow your children to sit during the anthem?”

“Are you telling them that what he is doing is wrong and unpatriotic?”

Sigh.

Many of my friends think like me and believe what I believe; however there are many friends and even family who are a little more – a lot more – conservative than me. Knowing that about me I am not sure why they would think I would agree with their line of thinking but…   

My response to those who ask what I tell my children about what Kaepernick has done is this…

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ahhhh, it’s that time of year again. The time that children and teachers alike dread but parents celebrate. Back to school! The time of year when as a stay at home mom I finally take back my house! After spending two and a half months with two teenagers and a 9-year old who THINKS she is a teenager I finally get to have the house all to myself!

And not a moment too soon to be quite honest with you! You see, summer vacation is one of those grand ideas that is fabulous in theory but not always so wonderful in practice. It starts out great, don’t get me wrong – trips to the pool, to the zoo, vacations to destinations that are beautiful and maybe even educational. Getting to sleep in, no more alarm clock blaring in your ear at god awful hours of the morning. No wondering if you remembered to pack their lunches the night before and then throwing them together last minute while half asleep because you hadn’t.   

It definitely has its perks…. For about the first month to month and a half.

Then the chaos starts. All those fun trips to the pool and the zoo they are now booooring because ‘we’ve been there a hundred times Mom!’ Now that the amazing vacation to exotic destinations is over everything else seems to pale in comparison. They’ve read all their books and NO they don’t want to go get more because ‘reading is booooring’. Your teenager is now sitting on the couch for hours on end mercilessly slashing and stabbing through a mob of zombies, or vampires or whatever strange creatures are in his latest video game.

The idea of going outside isn’t interesting because ‘there’s nothing to dooo out there Mom’. And any suggestion you could possibly make is either boring or is greeted with that ‘look’. You know the one that says ‘I can’t believe you even suggested something so childish and stupid’. Yeah, that one. You have either experienced it or given it in your lifetime. (And if you haven’t gotten it yet from your kid, juuuust wait, it’s coming).

Then just when you think it couldn’t get any worse – they turn on each other. Like mad rabid dogs over the last bone. Things that really shouldn’t even BE things all of the sudden are the topic of hour-long arguments and discussion. Things like – sitting too close to each other. Seriously. I am not kidding. An hour long argument because one of them sat too close to the other and then wouldn’t move. Arguments over who has been on the television too long. Arguments about who went into who’s room without permission. Arguments about whether or not the lizard is a girl or a boy – I swear to GOD!   

AT SOME POINT I THINK THEY WERE JUST MAD AT EACH OTHER FOR EXISTING!

The remaining weeks of summer vacation are some of the longest that a parent can face. So when those back to school sections start going up at the local Target and Wal-Mart we all do a back handspring of joy in our minds.

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After taking a month off from The Single Mom Success Podcast I guess I should explain why I went MIA for a bit. There were many things that I was struggling with - lack of motivation, lack of focus, lack of interest and just a general BLAH feeling.

I brushed it off for quite some time thinking that if I just powered through everything would be ok and I would get back to 'normal'. I mean, I'm a single mom and a strong independent woman I can totally make myself better right?

Well that didn't happen. Things just got worse. I was at the point where I didn't care if I showered for the day, or 2 days or 4 days... I was losing clients because I wasn't focusing on my business. I was losing my temper with my children on a regular basis, for little to no reason. 

I was a hot mess.

For the longest time I thought depression was something that other people dealt with. I mean, I'm not depressed. I'm not sad, I'm not lonely, I'm not unhappy - well not REALLY unhappy. I'm not suicidal and I don't cry all the time. That's what it means to be depressed right? 

WRONG!

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices