Grab my FREE Guide “Finally at Peace” and start breaking free from survival mode: https://janice-holland.kit.com/finall...

Submit your Question: https://forms.gle/SjS1JcSB6tPFtDFu7

______________________________

Have you tried everything to make your marriage work — communicating better, going to therapy, reading books, softening your approach — and still feel lonely, exhausted, and like you’re failing?

In this episode of Dear Therapist, I respond to a real, anonymous submission from a woman who feels like she’s constantly adjusting herself to keep the peace, yet nothing ever changes. She’s walking on eggshells, overthinking every interaction, and blaming herself for a relationship that still feels disconnected.

In this episode, we talk about:

Why overfunctioning in a marriage keeps you stuck

How survival mode shows up as fixing, pleasing, and overcompensating

Why trying harder actually activates your nervous system and pushes connection further away

The hidden cost of living in constant self-blame and disappointment

Why feeling your disappointment is not weakness — it’s the beginning of regulation

How to stop abandoning yourself without becoming cold, selfish, or giving up

This is not advice, marriage fixing, or cheerleading.

If you’re a high-functioning woman who feels lonely in her marriage, emotionally exhausted, or stuck in survival mode, this episode will help you understand why — and what actually moves the needle.

__________

Ready to go Deeper?

*Join the Courageous Living Digital Studio: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/...

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/... *Apply for The Becoming Intensiive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1E... *Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/...

Not sure which one to pick? Take the quiz: https://form.typeform.com/to/YFxykSjU

Connect with me on Instagram:   / the.trauma.teacher   ___________________________________________________________________Janice Holland, LPC-S, Certified Trauma Model Therapist, and founder of The Courageous Living Framework, teaches women and healers worldwide how to break survival patterns, heal trauma, and rebuild lives rooted in truth, peace, and power. Known online as The Trauma Teacher, Janice helps women stop people-pleasing, heal the patterns that kept them small, and build unshakable confidence after trauma. It’s time to live a life that finally feels like yours.

Grab my FREE Guide “Finally at Peace” and start breaking free from survival mode: https://janice-holland.kit.com/finallyatpeace

Submit your question: https://forms.gle/SjS1JcSB6tPFtDFu7

_______________________________________________________________

Today I'm answering the question: 

Dear therapist,

I am always the one who shows up for everyone, my family, my friends, my coworkers, everyone. I anticipate needs, soothe things over and keep things running. Lately, I feel resentful and drained, but when I try to pull back, I feel guilty and uncomfortable. I don't want to be selfish or shut people out, but I also can't keep living like this. I don't even know what I want anymore. I just know I'm tired of being needed all the time. How do I stop abandoning myself without becoming someone I don't recognize? __________________________________________________________________Ready to go Deeper?

*Join the Courageous Living Digital Studio: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/the-courageous-living-no-bs-membership/

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Apply for The Becoming Intensive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EUa69NL3f4jodIg6J_javkNdW9qEYoRl/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100729952587821838385&rtpof=true&sd=true

*Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/thecourageouslivingjourney/

Not sure which one to pick? Take the quiz: https://form.typeform.com/to/YFxykSjU

Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.trauma.teacher

__________________________________________________________________Janice Holland, LPC-S, Certified Trauma Model Therapist, and founder of The Courageous Living Framework, teaches women and healers worldwide how to break survival patterns, heal trauma, and rebuild lives rooted in truth, peace, and power. Known online as The Trauma Teacher, Janice helps women stop people-pleasing, heal the patterns that kept them small, and build unshakable confidence after trauma. It’s time to live a life that finally feels like yours.

Grab my FREE Guide “Finally at Peace” and start breaking free from survival mode: https://janice-holland.kit.com/finallyatpeace _____________________________________________________________

If your life looks “fine” on the outside — but inside you feel exhausted, numb, disconnected, or quietly stuck — this is for you.

In this episode, I introduce the Courageous Living Framework and explain why so many capable, intelligent women stay trapped in survival mode without realizing it. This isn’t about mindset, motivation, or trying harder. It’s about how your nervous system learned to protect you — and why those same patterns now block ease, joy, intimacy, and forward movement.

You’ll learn:

Why burnout, overthinking, and self-sabotage aren’t personal failures

How survival patterns form in high-functioning women

Why “doing all the right things” still doesn’t bring peace

What courageous living actually means at the nervous system level

This channel is a space for honest conversations about trauma, identity, safety, and rebuilding your life from the inside out — without hustle, self-abandonment, or forcing transformation before your system is ready.

If you’re ready to stop performing your life and start living it — you’re in the right place.

Subscribe for weekly conversations on: Nervous system healing Trauma patterns in relationships Reclaiming identity after survival mode Creating stability, clarity, and self-trust ____________________________________________________________ Ready to go Deeper? *Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Apply for The Becoming Intensive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EUa69NL3f4jodIg6J_javkNdW9qEYoRl/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100729952587821838385&rtpof=true&sd=true

*Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/thecourageouslivingjourney/

Not sure which one to pick?

Take the quiz: https://form.typeform.com/to/YFxykSjU

Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.trauma.teacher __________________________________________________________ Janice Holland, LPC-S, Certified Trauma Model Therapist, and founder of The Courageous Living Framework, teaches women and healers worldwide how to break survival patterns, heal trauma, and rebuild lives rooted in truth, peace, and power. Known online as The Trauma Teacher, Janice helps women stop people-pleasing, heal the patterns that kept them small, and build unshakable confidence after trauma. It’s time to live a life that finally feels like yours.

🚀 Join the 8-Week Nervous System Reset (Starts Jan 7): https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

If you keep breaking promises to yourself about your diet, budget, or boundaries, you aren’t lazy, and you don’t lack willpower. You might be stuck in survival mode.

In this video, I reveal the biological reason behind emotional eating and spending addiction: your body’s desperate need for nervous system regulation

When you feel overwhelmed, your brain shuts down logic and seeks quick dopamine—sugar, shopping, or scrolling—to feel safe. This isn't self-sabotage; it's a trauma response.

Learn why "trying harder" fails and how to actually heal these patterns for 2026. If you're tired of the spirals—the food, the spending, the people-pleasing—join us. We don't focus on discipline; we teach your body how to feel safe so the urges stop at the root.

In this video:

0:00 You are not weak or unmotivated

1:45 Why your nervous system chooses "bad" habits

4:10 The Emotional Eating Spiral: Why sugar = safety

7:30 The Spending Addiction Spiral: Buying relief, not things

10:15 Relationship boundaries & the fawn response

13:50 The solution: Nervous System Reset vs. Discipline

#nervoussystemregulation #emotionaleating #spendingaddiction #traumahealing #nervoussystemreset #mentalhealth #overspending #stressrelief __________________________________________________________________ Ready to go Deeper?

*Join the Courageous Living Digital Studio: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/the-courageous-living-no-bs-membership/

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Apply for The Becoming Intensiive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EUa69NL3f4jodIg6J_javkNdW9qEYoRl/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100729952587821838385&rtpof=true&sd=true

*Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/thecourageouslivingjourney/

Not sure which one to pick?

Take the quiz: https://form.typeform.com/to/YFxykSjU

Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.trauma.teacher

__________________________________________________________________Janice Holland, LPC-S, Certified Trauma Model Therapist, and founder of The Courageous Living Framework, teaches women and healers worldwide how to break survival patterns, heal trauma, and rebuild lives rooted in truth, peace, and power. Known online as The Trauma Teacher, Janice helps women stop people-pleasing, heal the patterns that kept them small, and build unshakable confidence after trauma. It’s time to live a life that finally feels like yours.

*Grab my FREE Guide “Finally at Peace” and start breaking free from survival mode: https://janice-holland.kit.com/finallyatpeace

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/thecourageouslivingjourney

_________________________________________________________________

If you’ve ever wondered “Why me?” Why you — the strong one, the capable one, the high-functioning, emotionally intelligent woman — ended up with a narcissist… This video gives you the brutally honest truth.

Narcissists don’t choose weak women. They hunt women who were conditioned to self-abandon. Women who carry too much, apologize too quickly, hide their pain, and try harder instead of walking away.

In this episode, you’ll learn the 10 reasons narcissists target women like you — and why none of it is your fault. I weave in parts of my own 25-year story so you can finally understand your own nervous system, your patterns, and your survival responses. If this hits you in the gut, good. It means you’re waking up. ______________________________________________________________ Ready to go Deeper?

*Join the Courageous Living Digital Studio: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/the-courageous-living-no-bs-membership/

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Apply for The Becoming Intensive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EUa69NL3f4jodIg6J_javkNdW9qEYoRl/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100729952587821838385&rtpof=true&sd=true

*Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/thecourageouslivingjourney/

Not sure which one to pick?

Take the quiz: https://form.typeform.com/to/YFxykSjU

Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.trauma.teacher

_________________________________________________________________Janice Holland, LPC-S, Certified Trauma Model Therapist, and founder of The Courageous Living Framework, teaches women and healers worldwide how to break survival patterns, heal trauma, and rebuild lives rooted in truth, peace, and power. Known online as The Trauma Teacher, Janice helps women stop people-pleasing, heal the patterns that kept them small, and build unshakable confidence after trauma. It’s time to live a life that finally feels like yours.

*Grab my FREE Guide “Finally at Peace” and start breaking free from survival mode: https://janice-holland.kit.com/finallyatpeace

*Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/thecourageouslivingjourney/

*Apply for The Becoming Intensiive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EUa69NL3f4jodIg6J_javkNdW9qEYoRl/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100729952587821838385&rtpof=true&sd=true

________________________________________________________

If you feel stuck, shut down, foggy, numb, or disconnected after narcissistic abuse… you are not broken. Your body is trying to protect you. In this episode, I’m breaking down how narcissistic abuse rewires your nervous system and giving you five trauma-informed, polyvagal-supported ways to help your body feel safe again. These aren’t mindset hacks — they’re biological reset tools that work with your nervous system, not against it.

You’ll learn:

✨ Why your freeze response is not your fault

✨ How self-abandonment becomes a survival pattern

✨ Why being alone feels so comforting (and how to create real safety with people)

✨ How to complete stress cycles your body never got to finish (Peter Levine’s Somatic Experiencing)

✨ The micro-moments that rebuild self-trust

✨ How to speak to your body in a way that creates immediate safety

✨ What actually becomes possible when your system feels regulated again

This work isn’t about becoming a “better version” of yourself. It’s about finally having the nervous system capacity to experience clarity, energy, desire, creativity, and connection — without bracing for impact. ____________________________________________

Ready to go Deeper?

*Join the Courageous Living Digital Studio: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/the-courageous-living-no-bs-membership/

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Apply for The Becoming Intensiive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EUa69NL3f4jodIg6J_javkNdW9qEYoRl/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100729952587821838385&rtpof=true&sd=true

*Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/thecourageouslivingjourney/

Not sure which one to pick?

Take the quiz: https://form.typeform.com/to/YFxykSjU

Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.trauma.teacher __________________________________________________________

Janice Holland, LPC-S, Certified Trauma Model Therapist, and founder of The Courageous Living Framework, teaches women and healers worldwide how to break survival patterns, heal trauma, and rebuild lives rooted in truth, peace, and power. Known online as The Trauma Teacher, Janice helps women stop people-pleasing, heal the patterns that kept them small, and build unshakable confidence after trauma. It’s time to live a life that finally feels like yours.

*Grab my FREE Guide “Finally at Peace” and start breaking free from survival mode: https://janice-holland.kit.com/finallyatpeace

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/thecourageouslivingjourney/

_________________________________________________________________Janice explains how narcissistic abuse can rewire your nervous system, leading to feelings of anxiety and confusion. It addresses the profound impact of toxic relationships and emotional abuse, reassuring viewers that these responses are not signs of weakness but adaptations to survive.

True healing and abuse recover involves understanding these physiological changes and reclaiming your mental health after such experiences.

Episode Chapters:

1. Introduction to Narcissistic Abuse - Starts at 0:00

2. Rewiring of the Nervous System - Starts at 3:00

3. Understanding Trauma Bonds - Starts at 6:00

4. Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn Responses - Starts at 9:00

5. Healing and Recovery Guidance - Starts at 12:00

Why Can't I Be Happy Episode Referenced: https://youtu.be/GDsfTUFXDo8?si=ezdEfFxlQNtfOLgV (start at Min 2:40) _____________________________________________________________ Ready to go Deeper?

*Join the Courageous Living Digital Studio: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/the-courageous-living-no-bs-membership/

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Apply for The Becoming Intensive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EUa69NL3f4jodIg6J_javkNdW9qEYoRl/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100729952587821838385&rtpof=true&sd=true

*Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/thecourageouslivingjourney/

Not sure which one to pick?

Take the quiz: https://form.typeform.com/to/YFxykSjU

Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.trauma.teacher

__________________________________________________________

Janice Holland, LPC-S, Certified Trauma Model Therapist, and founder of The Courageous Living Framework, teaches women and healers worldwide how to break survival patterns, heal trauma, and rebuild lives rooted in truth, peace, and power. Known online as The Trauma Teacher, Janice helps women stop people-pleasing, heal the patterns that kept them small, and build unshakable confidence after trauma. It’s time to live a life that finally feels like yours.

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Grab my FREE Guide “Finally at Peace” and start breaking free from survival mode: https://janice-holland.kit.com/finallyatpeace

______________________________________________________________Low self worth can stick around even when you intellectually know better. It often stems from trauma and impacts your relationships. Start healing and cultivating self love to break free from being a people pleaser and build solid self esteem. ______________________________________________________________Ready to go Deeper?

*Join the Courageous Living Digital Studio: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/the-courageous-living-no-bs-membership/

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Apply for The Becoming Intensiive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EUa69NL3f4jodIg6J_javkNdW9qEYoRl/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100729952587821838385&rtpof=true&sd=true

*Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/thecourageouslivingjourney/

Not sure which one to pick?

Take the quiz: https://form.typeform.com/to/YFxykSjU Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.trauma.teacher ______________________________________________________________

Janice Holland, LPC-S, Certified Trauma Model Therapist, and founder of The Courageous Living Framework, teaches women and healers worldwide how to break survival patterns, heal trauma, and rebuild lives rooted in truth, peace, and power. Known online as The Trauma Teacher, Janice helps women stop people-pleasing, heal the patterns that kept them small, and build unshakable confidence after trauma. It’s time to live a life that finally feels like yours.

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Grab my FREE Guide “Finally at Peace” and start breaking free from survival mode: https://janice-holland.kit.com/finallyatpeace ______________________________________________________________You’re not broken — you’re burned out from living in survival mode. In this episode of Awake But Not Free, we’re unpacking one of the most misunderstood experiences in healing: high-functioning depression. If you’ve done the work — therapy, podcasts, self-awareness, shadow work — but still feel tired, disconnected, or flat inside… this is for you.

You’ll learn:

1. What high-functioning depression really is (and why it’s not laziness or lack of gratitude)

2. How hypervigilance silently drains your energy

3. Why “doing everything right” can still leave you feeling numb

4. How fear can power your giving, your helping, and your strength — and what happens when you switch that power source to love I’ll also share how I personally rewired my nervous system after total burnout — when my cortisol flatlined and I lost my spark for life — and how I created Courageous Living: The Nervous System Reset to help other women do the same. ______________________________________________________________Ready to go Deeper?

*Join the Courageous Living Digital Studio: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/the-courageous-living-no-bs-membership/

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Apply for The Becoming Intensive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EUa69NL3f4jodIg6J_javkNdW9qEYoRl/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100729952587821838385&rtpof=true&sd=true

*Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/thecourageouslivingjourney/

Not sure which one to pick? Take the quiz: https://form.typeform.com/to/YFxykSjU

Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.trauma.teacher ______________________________________________________________Janice Holland, LPC-S, Certified Trauma Model Therapist, and founder of The Courageous Living Framework, teaches women and healers worldwide how to break survival patterns, heal trauma, and rebuild lives rooted in truth, peace, and power. Known online as The Trauma Teacher, Janice helps women stop people-pleasing, heal the patterns that kept them small, and build unshakable confidence after trauma. It’s time to live a life that finally feels like yours.

* Grab my FREE Guide “Finally at Peace” and start breaking free from survival mode: https://janice-holland.kit.com/finallyatpeace

* Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

* Apply for The Becoming Intensiive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EUa69NL3f4jodIg6J_javkNdW9qEYoRl/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100729952587821838385&rtpof=true&sd=true

watch the playlist on the 5 stages of recovering from Narcissistic Abuse: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLd1I9HPzgE9cNx7qqKXmpZ6kuZBwhK-5T&si=-lVNyHyqUG9Sb0nS _________________________________________________________________Hey and welcome back! 💛

In this episode of Awake But Not Free, we’re diving deep into one of the most frustrating parts of post-trauma recovery — when you’ve done everything right and you still feel anxious, tense, or stuck. You’ve left the chaos of your narcissistic relationship, survived the gaslighting and emotional confusion, and are doing the therapy, reading the books, and learning the tools… yet somehow, you still don’t feel free. I know that feeling — because I’ve lived it. And in this episode, I’m going to help you understand why your nervous system is still on high alert, what Jung and Adler can teach us about this cycle, and how to finally begin to experience peace, not just think about it.

We’ll talk about:

✨ Why your nervous system became addicted to control and prediction

✨ How anxiety is actually your body’s way of trying to keep you safe

✨ What Jung meant by “what we don’t integrate, we live out unconsciously” ✨ How Adler’s idea of significance explains why peace feels uncomfortable ✨ Three practical steps to start retraining your body for calm and safety

✨ Why boredom after chaos isn’t failure — it’s healing

✨ And how to use the courage that helped you survive to finally set yourself free _________________________________________________________________Ready to go Deeper? *Join the Courageous Living Digital Studio: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/the-courageous-living-no-bs-membership/

*Join the 60 Day Reset Experience: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/cl-group-transformation/

*Apply for The Becoming Intensiive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EUa69NL3f4jodIg6J_javkNdW9qEYoRl/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=100729952587821838385&rtpof=true&sd=true

*Work with me 1:1: https://janiceholland.thrivecart.com/thecourageouslivingjourney/ Not sure which one to pick? Take the quiz: https://form.typeform.com/to/YFxykSjU

Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the.trauma.teacher _________________________________________________________________Janice Holland, LPC-S, Certified Trauma Model Therapist, and founder of The Courageous Living Framework, teaches women and healers worldwide how to break survival patterns, heal trauma, and rebuild lives rooted in truth, peace, and power. Known online as The Trauma Teacher, Janice helps women stop people-pleasing, heal the patterns that kept them small, and build unshakable confidence after trauma. It’s time to live a life that finally feels like yours.