“In that moment, I knew that was the last time I would see her. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew I could not go back to her.”

How do you feel when you meet with your provider? Are you excited for your appointments? How does your body react? Are you tense or calm and relaxed? 

Jessica’s first birth began with an induction that she consented to but didn’t really want. Her waters were artificially broken, and her baby just was not in a great position. After over 4 hours of pushing and multiple vacuum attempts, Jessica consented to a Cesarean. 

Listen to Jessica’s VBAC story to find out what she did when she realized at 37 weeks that her provider was NOT actually VBAC-supportive.

Sometimes difficult situations actually work out even better than we hoped!

How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents

Full Transcript under Episode Details 

Meagan: Welcome, Jessica, to the show. I am so excited that you are here and excited to hear your stories and actually talk a little bit more about what you do. Do you do it for a living, or is this just your passion project or whatever they call it? Is it your side job?

Jessica: It’s on the side. It’s volunteer. My main job is a stay-at-home mom right now. 

Meagan: Yes. You’re homeschooling, right? 

Jessica: I am. 

Meagan: Oh my gosh. One of my best friends homeschools. I just praise you guys. Homeschooling is legit. It is very hard. That seems so hard. 

Jessica: It’s definitely a lifestyle. It’s different. It’s not for everybody, but it’s definitely for us. My daughter is only 5 so we are just getting used to it. 

Meagan: So Kindergarten?

Jessica: She just turned 5 a couple of weeks ago, so we are technically doing 4-K right now. We are just getting into it. I’m still wondering every day, “Am I doing everything I should be?” I know as it goes on, I will get more comfortable and confident with it. 

Meagan: Yes, you will. That’s what I’ve seen with my friend. She was like, “This is what feels right. This is what we are going to do.” It took a little bit of a learning curve, then each kid added in, but she kills it. Yes, you are just a stay-at-home mom, but a full-time teacher. Holy cow. That’s amazing. 

Then yeah, you are doing La Leche League. 

Jessica: Yes. I have been a leader now for 2.5 years, just over that. I became certified. I think it was on my due date. I was trying to get everything done before my toddler was born. It’s been going really great. I really like it. 

Meagan: Yes. Tell us more about it because when I was– this was in 2014– pregnant with my second daughter. That’s when I heard about La Leche League. Tell us more about it and why someone would want to find their local leader, and then what all the benefits are and how to find them. 

Jessica: Sure. I first heard about La Leche League when my oldest was maybe about 9 months, so right away in my breastfeeding journey, I had no idea about it. I wish I had because it would have been great to have a community of support. I started feeling really passionate about breastfeeding and knew I wanted to help other moms with it because it can feel really isolating, especially because it was in the middle of the pandemic. 

I started researching ways that moms can help other moms with breastfeeding because I had no other background in it. I’m not a nurse. I didn’t work in the labor world. I just stumbled upon it, and I lived in Madison at the time. I saw that Madison had a chapter. They weren’t doing meetings at the time because everything was virtual. 

But I just reached out, and I said, “I want to be a leader. Tell me what I need to do.” They emailed me back, and I got in touch with another local leader there who had been there for a while. She was surprised. She was like, “You want to be a leader, but you don’t even know what we do. You’ve never been to a meeting.” I just said, “Yes. That is what I want to do.” 

It was kind of a long process to become a leader because everything was virtual. They didn’t know how to go about that. 

Meagan: Yeah. 

Jessica: So it took a little bit of a long time to become accredited as a leader. 

Meagan: Does it now or is it in person? Did it stay virtual? For someone who may want to?

Jessica: I think everything is back to in-person. At least where I live now, Madison I know is back to in-person now too. Everything is probably running a little bit more smoothly now in terms of if you are interested in becoming a leader. 

Basically what leaders do is that we get some training within La Leche League, but we are your cheerleaders. We are here to support you. We are the middle ground between if we need to refer you somewhere for some additional help if it’s beyond our scope of practice of basic breastfeeding positioning, latching, or if you have questions of, “My baby is doing this. Is it normal?” That’s what we do. We have support groups every month for anybody to really join. 

Meagan: Awesome. 

Jessica: It’s fun. 

Meagan: Where can someone find it if they’re wanting to learn more? When it comes to breastfeeding, it sounds weird because you don’t have your baby yet, so why are we talking about breastfeeding? Why are we thinking about it? But I really believe that connecting before we have our babies with an IBCLC or a La Leche group is so important before you have your baby. If someone is looking, where can they find information or try to search for a chapter in their area?

 

Jessica: You can just look up your state La Leche League. There should be a website that has all of the local chapters. They are all over the world, so you should be able to find somebody near you. Even if there’s not one near you, you can contact anybody. Let’s say they are 2 hours away. You can still call or text or email. They’ll usually, if you want to do something more in person, you can do some type of Zoom meeting. You can definitely find anybody to talk to. You’re right. It’s really important to get support before you even start breastfeeding if you know that’s something you want to do. 

I always say that breastfeeding is natural, but it doesn’t always come naturally. You don’t know what to do in the beginning unless you talk to somebody. 

Meagan: Yes. We will make sure to have the website linked in the show notes too, so if anyone is wanting to go search, definitely go check it out. 

Okay, now we are going to give a little teaser of what your episode is going to be about today. So, with your C-section, give us a little teaser of what your C-section was for. 

Jessica: So, my first birth went really smoothly and my pregnancy. I really liked my doctor. I really liked the hospital. It was a group of OBs of all women. I met with each of them. I really liked all of them, to be honest with you. They were all very supportive of whatever you wanted to do.

Meagan: Which is awesome. 

Jessica: Yes, it is. I knew I wanted to have a vaginal birth. That was all I really knew, but I was also really young, I think. I was 23 for most of my pregnancy. I didn’t really educate myself beyond my doctor’s appointments. I trusted them to pretty much tell me what I needed to know, and that was it. That was my bad. 

Meagan: Yeah. Hey, listen. That is something I can relate to so much. I was also in my young 20s and just went in. Whatever they said, or whatever my app said, is what happened. I think that’s a little tip right there that says, “Let’s not do that.” Let’s not do that. 

Then for your VBAC, you had a bait and switch. I’m really excited, when we get to that point, to talk about bait and switch because it is something that happens. It can feel so good and then feel so wrong within minutes. It’s really frustrating, but I want to talk more about that in just a minute. 

We do have a Review of the Week, so I want to hurry and read that, then get into Jessica’s story. This reviewer is by diabeticmamawarrior. It says, “A podcast to educate the mind, heal the heart, and strengthen the soul.” It says, “Hi. I am writing this podcast from Seattle. We are currently pregnant with my second baby due in March of 2022.” This was a little bit ago. It says, “My first son was born at 28 weeks via classical Cesarean due to severe IUGR.” For anyone who doesn’t know IUGR, that is intrauterine growth restriction.

“--and after hearing I would never be able to VBAC, I decided to do as much educated research as I could and to find my options was truly needed. I am also a Type 1 Diabetic and have successfully found an amazing midwife who not only feels comfortable and confident assisting in care through my pregnancy with my diabetes, but also with my special scar, and we are aiming for a successful VBAC. I am also receiving concurrent care with an OB/GYN as well to make sure appropriate monitoring of baby looks good throughout pregnancy. Listening to this podcast was one of the first resources I found, and it was a total GAME CHANGER.” 

It says, “Thank you, beautiful women, who bravely and shamelessly share your stories so that other women can also feel confident in making empowered decisions for their baby and their body. I am soon to join the legacy of women who have fearlessly VBAC’d happy and healthy babies. Much love, Ellen”. 

Meagan: Wow. What a beautiful review. 

Jessica: That was powerful. 

Meagan: Yes. What a beautiful review. That was a couple of years ago, so Ellen, if you are still listening, please reach out to us and let us know how things went. 

Okay, girl. It is your turn. It is your turn to share, just like what Ellen was saying, your beautiful stories, and empower other Women of Strength all over the world. 

Jessica: That review just reminded me that a long time ago, I reviewed the podcast, and you read it on one of the episodes. 

Meagan: Did we?

Jessica: We did. I remember thinking, “This is so cool. I wonder if I could be on someday.” I’m sure you hear this all the time, but it’s very surreal being here knowing I listened to this podcast to help me heal. I’m just super excited to share my story. 

Meagan: I am so glad that you are here, and I’m so glad that we were able to read your review. We love reading reviews. It is so fun when we can hear the review, hear the journey, and then now here it is hearing the stories. 

Jessica: Yes. 

Meagan: Yes. Okay, well I’d love to turn the time over to you. 

Jessica: Like I said, I was introducing my story with my first. I just clicked through a birth course breastfeeding course that the hospital provided for me. I clicked through it to get it done and to check it off my list. 

Meagan: Birth education– yes, I did. 

Jessica: That’s exactly what I did. I’m prepared, whatever. I’m just going to go into this, and everything will happen like it’s supposed to. 

Mentally, everything was going well in my pregnancy. I wasn’t super eager to give birth. I wanted to wait to go into labor on my own. I think what started to bother me or what made me a little bit more antsy was when I was 37 weeks. I agreed to have my cervix checked for dilation, and I was 3 centimeters already. I was so excited, and the doctor said, “I don’t even think you’re going to make it to your due date,” which made me think, “Wow. I’m going to have this baby in the next 2 weeks. I’m not even going to make it to my due date. This is so exciting.” 

If any of your doctors ever tell you that, don’t let it get into your head because that doesn’t mean anything if you are dilated. I was 3 centimeters continuously. 

Meagan: Yeah. You can walk around at 6 centimeters, not even kidding you. My sister-in-law was at 6 centimeters for weeks, and nothing was happening. She was just at 6 centimeters. It can happen when you are just walking around. Try not to let them get into your head, or to get nervous when you’re like, “I could have a baby at any second.” It gets in our heads, and then when we don’t have a baby, it’s infuriating and defeating. 

Jessica: That is pretty much what happened. When I got to my 39-week appointment, I was still 3 centimeters. I just expressed how I was frustrated. I was tired of being pregnant. My doctor said, “Well, let’s set up your induction.” I had never even thought of being induced at that point. It was never mentioned. It never crossed my mind. It sounded so intriguing at that moment to just get this over with. I don’t want to be pregnant anymore. My sisters had been induced, and they had a good experience. It will go the same for me. Everything in my head was telling me, “Don’t do this. You know you don’t want this,” but I did it anyway because I had it in my mind that I should have had my baby already anyway based on what they told me a couple of weeks ago, so it would go so smoothly. 

She said, “You are a great candidate. You are already 3 centimeters.” We scheduled it. I think it was that Friday I went. It was Monday, on Labor Day, that we had my induction scheduled for. I didn’t have a lot of time to even process that. 

Meagan: Yeah. Did they say how they wanted to do it, or did they just say, “Come in. Have a baby”?

Jessica: They briefly told me that they would start with Pitocin and see how my body responded to that. They would probably break my water which is exactly how it happened anyway. 

Meagan: Yeah.

Jessica: Yeah.

They started me with Pitocin at 3:00 PM. They kept increasing it, then by 6:00 PM, my body was just not responding to it. I didn’t feel anything. The doctor who was on call wasn’t my normal doctor, but I saw her a couple of times. I was comfortable with her. She came in and said, “Well, we could break your water. Is that what you want to do?” I said, “Sure. If that’s what you think we need to do, let’s do it.” 

Meagan: Yeah, I’m here to have a baby. What’s going to get me there?

Jessica: Yeah. She was head down, so I thought, “What could go wrong? She’s already head down.” I didn’t know at the time that just because she was head down doesn’t mean she’s in a great position. She wasn’t. She was– what do they call it?

Meagan: Posterior? 

Jessica: ROT. 

Meagan: Right occiput transverse. Okay, so looking to the side. Sometimes, when we say transverse, a lot of people think the body is transverse which is a transverse lie, but ROT, LOT, left or right occiput transverse, means the baby’s head is looking to the side, and sometimes, that can delay labor or cause irregular patterns because our baby is just not quite rotated around or tucked. They are looking to the side. 

Jessica: Right. That was pretty much what the obstacle was because when they broke my water, she engaged that way, so her head never was able to turn properly which we didn’t know yet. I feel like the doctors could have known that because aren’t they supposed to be able to feel and know maybe a little bit of where they are? 

Meagan: Yeah. So providers can. They can internally, and it depends on how far dilated you are. If you were still 3 centimeters, probably not as well, but at 3 centimeters AROM, where we are artificially breaking it, that’s not ideal. Usually, the baby is at a higher station at that point too. I call it opening the floodgates. We get what we get however that baby decides to come down, especially if baby is higher up and not well-applied to the cervix.

If baby is looking transverse and hasn’t been able to rotate right during labor, then they come down like that, and then we have a further obstacle to navigate because we’ve got to move baby’s head. 

I will say that sometimes a baby might be looking transverse and mainly through pushing, a provider can sometimes rotate a baby’s head internally vaginally, but you have to be fully dilated and things like that. Can they feel through the bag of waters? If they can feel a good head, yes. Sometimes they can. Sometimes they can’t, but again, there are all of these things that as a doula anyway, I help my clients run through a checklist if they are going to choose to break their water. Sometimes within your situation, I’d be like, “Maybe let’s wait.” 

But their view was, “Let’s get labor going. We are starting Pitocin. The body’s not responding,” which we know is a number-one sign that the body isn’t ready. Sometimes we still can break water with better head application and with the water gone, it can speed labor up. That’s where their mind was. Their mind probably wasn’t, what position is this baby in? Where is this baby at? What station is this baby at? It’s like, let’s get this baby’s head applied to the cervix. 

Jessica: Yes. I mean, it did work. As soon as my water broke, I immediately when into active labor. The Pitocin contractions were very awful. I felt them immediately because not only did my body start going into labor, but then the Pitocin also was making it worse. 

Meagan: Yes. Yes. 

Jessica: So I begged for an epidural right away even though I knew that’s not what I wanted. I didn’t do a lot of preparing for labor, but I know I didn’t want an epidural right away. I remember the very sweet nurse I had saying, “Do you want me to run the bath for you?” I said, “Are you crazy? That is not what I need right now.” 

Meagan: She’s like, “I’m trying to help you with your birth preferences.” 

J: I know. She was so nice. I apologized to her after later on when I saw her. That was the head space I was in. I just needed that pain to be gone. 

They ended up turning the Pitocin off eventually because my body just did what it needed to do on its own. 

Meagan: Good. 

Jessica: I didn’t get much rest after that. I couldn’t really sleep. I was too excited. But it wasn’t very long until I was ready to push after that. I think at about 7:00 PM, I got the epidural, and at midnight, I was ready to push. I kept trying and trying. 4.5 hours went by until she was just not coming over. I don’t know if it was my pelvic bone or something. That’s when we knew she was not going to turn. 

They suggested that we try the vacuum. I didn’t know what that was. That was very traumatic because the lights were bright. Everyone was in there. I remember my doctor saying, “Okay, we have one more attempt with this vacuum, and that’s our last attempt.” 

Of course, it didn’t work because in my mind, I knew it was my last chance. It was not going to work, and it didn’t. I was really upset after that. I remember crying saying, “I don’t want a C-section.” I was really afraid of it. 

But, that is just what we had to do to get her out at that point after attempting the vacuum. I remember being wheeled down to the OR and just being so tired and not knowing how I was going to take care of a newborn after having surgery and being so tired. I had been up for 24 hours. 

The C-section went fine. I was out of it though. I was passing out here and there just being so tired. They had to tell me to actually look up. “Your baby’s here. Look up.” I remember opening up my eyes going, “What?” I was forgetting what I was doing. 

Meagan: Out of it. 

Jessica: Yeah. I was very much out of it. But after that in the hospital, I wasn’t too upset about having a C-section. I was just so excited about having my baby. It really didn’t hit me until we were on the way home from the hospital. I started crying and was so upset. I felt like my experience was stolen from me because I felt like  I was so mad at my doctor for bringing up an induction at that point knowing if she didn’t, I would have never asked for one anyway. 

I had a lot of regrets about everything. In those couple of weeks after having her, your hormones are very up and down anyway. One moment, I would be fine. One moment, I would be really, really upset crying about it. 

I wanted to redo her birth so badly that it almost made me want another baby. “If we just have another kid, we can try again,” even though I had this 3-week-old next to me. 

Meagan: Yeah. 

Jessica: I was not thinking very clearly. 

Meagan: You were craving a different experience. That’s just part of your processing. 

Jessica: Yes. And looking back, I wonder if I was struggling with some PTSD because I would lie there at night not being able to sleep, and I would suddenly smell when they were cauterizing the wound. I would suddenly smell that again and think I was back in the OR. It wasn’t very fun. 

Meagan: Yeah. It’s weird how sometimes the experience can hit you in all different stages and in different ways, but right after, you’re like, “No. No, no, no. I need something different. Let’s have another baby right now. Let’s do this.” 

So once you did become ready to have another baby, what did that look like? What did that prep look like? Did you switch doctors? You liked your whole practice. How did that look for you?

Jessica: Well, we moved. I knew I had to find another doctor. I would have anyway in Madison. I would have gone with a group of midwives that somebody I knew had a good experience with, and after listening to the podcast, I wanted a midwife. 

But unfortunately, where we moved, we live in Green Bay now. I was so limited on which provider I could go with. In one hospital, one group, that was all I could do locally. I couldn’t go with the hospital that everybody was recommending or the midwives that everybody was recommending for a VBAC. 

Meagan: Why couldn’t you go there?

Jessica: My insurance was very limited. It still is. We can only go to this one hospital and one facility for doctors. 

Meagan: Okay, so it was insurance restrictions. Yeah, not necessarily a lack of support in your area. It just was insurance which is another conversation for a later date. Stop restricting everybody. 

Jessica: I was very surprised because when we were in Madison, I could go wherever I wanted and see whoever I wanted. I ended up just choosing somebody. I liked her. She was initially very supportive of having a VBAC. I had mentioned it in my very first appointment that this was what I want. She said, “Oh, I’m so excited for you. This is going to be great.” 

I even mentioned that I was still breastfeeding my daughter when I was pregnant. They just seemed very supportive of all things natural and all things birth. 

Meagan: Everything. 

Jessica: Yeah. There were no issues whatsoever. I had already hired my doula when I was 6 weeks pregnant. I had already talked to them before I had even saw my doctor. I told them about how I was really limited and this was where I had to go, but I felt very supported knowing I had a doula and knowing I had somebody on my side 

It didn’t really bother me at the time that I just had to pick whatever doctor I could. This was also a practice where the doctor I had wasn’t going to be probably who I would give birth with. That also didn’t bother me because I thought, “I have a doula. I have support. I know after listening to this podcast what I need to do to defend myself if that time were to come.” 

Meagan: Advocate for yourself, yeah. You felt more armed. 

Jessica: I did. I really did. I ended up seeing a chiropractor as well which was very helpful throughout my pregnancy. I loved going to the chiropractor. Not only did it help get her in a good position, but I also just didn’t really feel body aches as much as I did, so there were a couple of benefits to going there. I definitely recommend a chiropractor. 

Meagan: I agree. I didn’t go until my VBAC baby. I started going at 18 weeks, and I’m like, “Why didn’t I do this with the other babies?” It was just amazing. 

Jessica: Yeah. It really is. But my doctor’s appointments this time were very different. They were very rushed. They felt robotic. “How are you feeling? Great. Let’s get the heartbeat. Any questions? No.” I really kept my questions for my doulas anyway because I really trusted them. I don’t know. I didn’t feel like I had many questions anyway because I knew what I wanted. I knew I wanted to show up to the hospital basically ready to push. 

One of the red flags, I will say, that looking back now with this provider that I had initially is that she never asked for any type of birth plan. She knew I wanted a VBAC, and I thought it was a good thing that she wasn’t really asking details. I felt like, “Oh, she’s letting me do my thing.” 

But looking back, I think it was just because she knew that’s not what was going to happen. She knew. 

Meagan: Yeah. You know, it’s interesting. We’ve had providers who have told people here in Utah. The client will say, “Hey, I really want to talk about my birth preferences.” The provider will say, “You’re really early. We don’t need to talk about that right now. We could talk about that later.” 

Or, “Hey, I was thinking I want to talk about this. Can we talk about that?” “No, not today. It’s fine. Whatever you want.” 

Then it comes, and we’ll hear more about your experience. I’m sure it will relate to a lot of people’s bait-and-switch stories. 

Jessica: Yeah. They sound so supportive in the moment, and then it’s not looking back. It continued on through my whole pregnancy. Even when I was 35 weeks, she suggested a cervical dilation check. I denied it at that point. I thought it was too early. 35 weeks is very early. 

Meagan: 35 weeks? Yeah. 

Jessica: I’m really glad that I stood up for myself and said no, because I was having one of those moments of, do I just do it anyway? I said no, and she was very fine with it. She said, “That’s fine. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. We don’t have to.” I also thought that was a good sign. 

Meagan: You’re like, “Yes. If we don’t have to, why are we suggesting it in the first place?” But I can also see where you’re like, “Well, sweet. She’s respecting my wishes. I didn’t want to. She’s saying, ‘Okay’.” 

Jessica: Exactly. But I made the mistake of agreeing to it at my next appointment because my curiosity got the best of me. I knew that it wasn’t important for me to be dilated, but I was trying to compare it to my last pregnancy. At 37 weeks, I was 3 centimeters with my first. I wonder if I’m going to have a different experience this time. Let’s see where we’re at. I was at 0. I just thought, “That’s totally normal. I have a lot of time left.” Her demeanor changed very much. It was like at my appointments before, she was a different person now. 

Meagan: Oh. 

Jessica: She said, “Well, if we’re not showing any signs of labor by 40 weeks, we need to schedule your C-section.” 

Meagan: Oh no. 

Jessica: She must have noticed I was surprised. I said, “But I don’t want a C-section. Did you not remember that I’m going to have a VBAC?” She said, “Well, you don’t want to risk your baby’s life.” 

Meagan: Bleh. Barf. No. 

Jessica: Yes. Yes. I knew that was just a scare tactic. I luckily was not phased by it. I was educated. I mentioned something along the lines of, “Well, wouldn’t we try to induce me before we jump ahead to the C-section? There’s no medical need.” 

My pregnancies were so boring. There was nothing that would indicate anything, not even an induction, but I thought, “Why not even just mention that before a C-section?” She said something like, “There are too many risks involved.” That was the end of the conversation on her end. She pretty much wrapped it up and said, “It’s pretty slippery out there. Be careful,” and walked out. Yeah. The conversation was over. 

In that moment, I knew that was the last time I would see her. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I knew I could not go back to her. 

I went back to the parking lot. I was crying. I texted my doulas right away what happened. I said, “I need to figure something out very quickly. I’m 37 weeks. I know I can’t go back to her. Can you please help me figure something out?” 

They were so, so extremely helpful with helping me figure out my options. I thought that at this point– in the beginning of my pregnancy, I knew, “I’ll just stand up for myself. I know what I want,” but when you are very big and pregnant, and you are very vulnerable, you don’t want to do all of that arguing. You just want somebody who is going to support you. 

I just knew I couldn’t go back to her. I didn’t have the energy to try to defend myself or advocate for myself. I just needed somebody who was already going to support my decisions. 

They encouraged me to look a little bit further out of Green Bay which I didn’t initially want to do. I wanted the hospital to be close. I had a 2-year-old. I didn’t want to be far away from her. But knowing I had limited options, I looked a little bit farther out. I texted them, “Hey, there is this doctor who I can go to in Neenah. It’s pretty far. I said her name. I don’t know if I’m supposed to say doctors’ names. 

Meagan: You can. Yeah. You can. People will actually love it so they can go find support themselves. 

Jessica: Yeah. I said, “There is this doctor, Dr. Swift, who is down in Neenah. That’s the only one who is really popping up on my insurance who I can go to.” They immediately texted back, “You need to go see her. She’s amazing.” My doula had actually had her VBAC with Dr. Swift. They were like, “You need to go see her. This your other option.” 

Meagan: Oh, Sara Swift is on our list of providers. 

Jessica: She is. She’s amazing. 

Meagan: She is. Okay, so you’re like, “I’ve got this doctor’s name.” 

Jessica: I called them to make myself an appointment, and I wasn’t able to get in until the following Friday. It would have been after I was 38 weeks. I told doula– 

Meagan: That’s when you had your last baby, right?

Jessica: No, actually my last baby was at 39 weeks, but I didn’t know what was going to happen. I told them, and my doula was actually personal friends with her. She said, “No, that’s not going to work. I’m going to text her, and I’m going to get you in sooner.” 

I think it was a Wednesday at that time. I was able to go see her Friday. Yeah. 

Meagan: A week earlier than you would have been able to. 

Jessica: Yeah. I helped me to feel more relieved knowing that if I had gone into labor before that next appointment, I would have known where to go. I would have had a doctor established. I was very, very relieved to see her. It was such a different experience than my other doctors. I had to bring my two-year-old with me, and at that point, she was getting antsy, so Dr. Swift actually sat on the ground with my daughter and was coloring with her while we were talking to keep her busy. 

I just remember thinking, “There’s no other doctor out there who would do this for a very pregnant patient.” It felt very much like a conversation between friends. It didn’t feel like a robotic type of conversation I had with my previous doctor. 

She very much upfront said to me, “Our hospital has VBAC policies. Here they are. You can deny anything you want. They’re not going to allow you to eat food, but if you say you want to eat food, you can eat. They’re going to want continuous fetal monitoring, but if that’s not what you want, tell them what you want.” It felt like she just was supportive of what I wanted to do. 

She said something along the lines of, “I’m going to trust you and your body to make the decisions that you need to, but also know that if I need to step in, trust that I’m going to do what I need to.” It felt so mutual there. I was so excited to go back and see her every week. I’m actually kind of mad that I waited that long to see her. 

Meagan: Yeah. Mhmm. I’m sure you felt like you were breathing in a whole different way. 

Jessica: I was. I felt very excited. The drive was longer, but it didn’t even matter at that point. I went from a 15-minute drive to 45 and it didn’t feel like there was any difference. It was all worth it. 

Meagan: I agree. It’s sometimes daunting with that drive or the time, but you guys, it’s so worth it. If you can make it work, make it work. 

I’m so glad. Okay, yeah. So you found this provider. Everything was feeling good. 

Jessica: It was feeling great. I actually ended up going past my due date. 

Meagan: Okay. 

Jessica: I was feeling a little bit– not defeated– I wanted to make it to my due date because I wanted to make it there with my first. I was excited when I got to my due date, and then I thought, “Okay, when is this actually going to happen? I’ve got a two-year-old.” My in-laws were coming up to watch her when we were going to the hospital. They live 2.5 hours away. I was starting to worry about, how is this all going to work out? But it really did. 

I felt my very first contraction two days after my due date. It was a Friday night at 6:30. We were getting my daughter ready for bed, and I felt that first contraction. I knew it was different than Braxton Hicks. I just knew, but I don’t even know to say if that’s when my labor started because that continued all throughout the weekend every 15 minutes. It was not a fun weekend. I kept thinking things were going to pick up, and then they would die down. 

Meagan: Prodromal labor maybe. 

Jessica: Yeah, I think so. At one point, I had my doula come over in the middle of the night. I didn’t know when to go to the hospital. I didn’t know if it was time or whatever. She came to my house in the middle of the night just to help me with the Miles Circuit and just the different position changes I could do. 

I believe that was on that Friday night that I started labor. I was also able to get into the chiropractor that weekend. They were closed, but again, my doula was very close friends with the chiropractor and texted, “Hey, Jessica could really use an adjustment. She’s not in labor, but it’s not progressing. Can you help her?” I went to go see them on Saturday and on Sunday just to get things moving. 

She was in a really great position. Everybody could feel that she was just in the perfect position. It was just that these contractions could not get closer together no matter what I tried. Something told me, “Hey, you need your water broken for this to progress,” because I couldn’t do it anymore mentally or physically. I was exhausted. 

I didn’t want to initially because I knew that’s what prevented me from having the birth that I wanted in the first place with my first experience, but something also told me, “Hey, you need to go do this.” 

My intuition was super strong in those moments where I knew. My intuition was strong enough to switch doctors that late in my pregnancy. There wasn’t another option. This time also, my intuition told me, “You have to go in, and they have to break your water.” I knew Dr. Swift would be supportive of that because she was supporting any type of birth plan I really wanted. She told me at any point, I could be induced, but that she wouldn’t bring it up again. It was my decision. 

On Sunday night after we got my daughter to bed, we drove to the hospital. We let them know we were coming. Our doula met us there, and we just told them our plans. Dr. Swift, I remember, said, “Well, if I break your water now, you’re so exhausted from the whole weekend. Do you want to try sleeping for a little bit and we will do it in the morning?” 

I said, “I can’t sleep. I’m having these contractions every 15 minutes.” It was really funny. She said, “Well if you want to sleep, I’ll give you something to help you sleep.” If anybody has ever met her or knows her, she’s got a great personality. It was just funny in that moment. It’s what I needed in that moment to have a good laugh. I was like, “Yes. Give me anything I need right now to rest just a little bit before the morning.” 

In the morning, she came back in around 8:00 or 8:30. I don’t remember what time it was. She said, “Yep. Let’s do this.” They double-checked me again to make sure she was in a great position. At that point, I was actually 4 centimeters. I forgot to bring that up. 

Meagan: Yay, okay. Great. 

Jessica: Yes, so those contractions I was experiencing over the weekend were productive. I felt better about that. I didn’t want to break my water with being one of two centimeters. I felt good. Again, my intuition was telling me, “You need to do this.” 

Yeah. They did, and once again, it immediately put me into active labor. My doula was helping me with counterpressure, then they ended up running a bath for me which was very helpful. I was skeptical. I did not think that was going to work. When they were filling it, I remember thinking, “This is a waste of my time. This is not going to work,” but it was very helpful. 

At one point in the bath, I just remember feeling, “Okay, now I have to get out and I have to start moving around.” As soon as I got up, I just remember feeling things intensify. I got that feeling in my head like, “I can’t do this anymore.” I knew that at that point, it was getting close because of that feeling of, “I can’t do this anymore.” 

Meagan: Yeah, mhmm. 

Jessica: I had just a moment of weakness and I said, “I want an epidural right now.” Even though I knew in my mind that it was too late, I couldn’t help but ask them for that epidural. Thankfully, my doula knew that’s not what I wanted, so she helped prolong that process. She said, “Well, why don’t we start with a bag of fluids and we’ll see how it goes from there? We can ask them, but they might be busy.” That’s exactly what I needed. I knew that’s not what I wanted. 

Meagan: She knew that, and she knew how to advocate for you, and she knew you well enough what you needed to prolong it. 

Jessica: Yes. I’m very thankful for that because she could have said, “All right, let’s get it right now.” But she knew and I had made it very clear that was not what I wanted to do. 

We started with a bag of fluids, and at that point, I could feel my body start to push itself. This was about 3 hours after my water was broken. It was a very quick process from then until that moment. 

While I was pushing, the anesthesiologist did come in the room. I remember the anesthesiologist did come in the room, and I remember he said something like, “Who’s ready for the epidural?” My doctor said, “No, we’re having a baby. Get out.” He came in in the middle of me pushing, and I feel like I scared every other mom there with how loud I was, but I couldn’t help it. 

Meagan: Sometimes you just have to roar your baby out. Listen, it’s okay.

Jessica: I really did. I really did roar her out in 20 minutes. 

Meagan: Wow. 

Jessica: After that, I don’t remember feeling any other pain. The pressure was gone, and I remember just feeling like, oh my gosh. I did it. She’s here, and I get my skin-to-skin with her which I didn’t get the first time. I get to have this experience. I can’t believe I actually did it. 

Meagan: And you did. 

Jessica: I did. 

Meagan: You did it. 

Jessica: There is so much more than you just having that VBAC. Throughout the journey, you grew. You grew as an individual. You grew as a mom listening to your intuition. You really, really grew, and then to have that baby again placed on your chest, oh, how amazing and how redemptive. 

Meagan: It was so redemptive and healing. In that moment, I didn’t feel any type of way about my C-section anymore. I wasn’t upset about it. I really had a feeling that it happened for a reason because if it didn’t, I don’t think I would have tried to educate myself about birth. I would have probably done it a second time, an induction, if it went well the first time. I also don’t think I would have fought so hard the first time to breastfeed because I felt like I had to make it work. I didn’t get the birth I wanted, so I had to make this work at least. 

I personally think that my C-section happened for a reason the first time. In that moment, I remember feeling a wave of, “I’m not upset anymore. I got this experience.”

Meagan: Yeah. You know, it’s interesting. I kind of had that same view to a point. I do feel a little grumpy with how my births went because knowing what I know now, I am realizing that they didn’t need to happen that way. I likely never needed a Cesarean ever. I just probably didn’t. 

But, it’s the same thing like you. I wouldn’t have focused so hard on this. I wouldn’t have done this. I would not be the person I am today. I would not be the birth doula that I am today. I would not be the podcaster today. I don’t think I would have ever started a podcast on any other topic because I’m so deeply passionate about this topic and birth and helping have better experiences, so I really hold onto those experiences and cherish them. It sounds weird because it wasn’t the birth we wanted, but it’s what brought us here today. 

Jessica: Yeah, exactly. I also wouldn’t be where I am today if I didn’t have my C-section. I don’t think I would have been interested in birth. I love it now. I think in the future, I would love to be a doula. I just recently took an exam to become a certified lactation consultant. I haven’t gotten my results back yet, but I don’t think I would have gone down that path yet either if I wouldn’t have had my C-section and fought so hard for breastfeeding to work. I felt like I found my passion within that circumstance that was very unfortunate, and it shouldn’t have happened, but it did. 

Meagan: But it did, and you’ve grown from it. We want to avoid unnecessary Cesareans. If this podcast is for VBAC moms, it’s just as much for first-time moms in my opinion because we obviously have an issue with the Cesarean rate. We do. It’s a serious issue. 

Jessica: Yeah, it is. 

Meagan: But with that said, I encourage you if you are listening, and maybe you haven’t been able to process your past experience yet, or you are fresh out of it, and it’s very thick, and it’s very heavy and dark because we know that can sometimes be that way, I hope and I encourage you to keep listening, to keep learning, and to keep growing, because that darkness will become light again. Those feelings– I don’t know about go away, but they will lift. I don’t know how to explain it. 

Jessica: You might feel different about it. You might feel different about it than you did originally. 

Meagan: Your perspective will change. It’s going to take time. It’s going to take processing. It’s going to take healing. It’s going to be finding the education, finding the right team, finding the right support system, but it is possible. It is really, really, really possible, and take Jessica and my word right now, because we really have been there. We really understand so many of the feelings. I know that we all process feelings differently, and we’re all in different places, especially depending on the types of births that we had. I know that there are way more traumatic experiences that happen out there, but this community is here for you.

We love you. We are here to support you. Keep listening to the stories. Find the groups. Find the healing, and know that it is possible to step out of this space and to grow. It’s weird to think, but one day, you’re going to look back and say, “I might be grateful. I might be grateful that happened.” 

Yeah. Like I said, I’m not happy. I’m not happy it happened, but I’m going to cherish that. I’m going to try and flip it. I’ve made it a positive experience that it’s brought me to where I am today. It’s brought me to be in a place where I can share my story just like Jessica and all of the other Women of Strength before her to help women feel inspired and to avoid those future devastations and unfortunate situations. 

Jessica: Yeah. Don’t let anybody try to tell you not to feel a certain way about it because I’ve had plenty of people tell me, “But you’re healthy. But you have a healthy baby, you can try again next time.” I just said, “You don’t understand. You’re not in my position. I know there are people who do understand me.” Most of you who are listening will understand that yes, you have a healthy baby and you’re fine, but it was still not what you wanted. That experience is so personal. You want what you want. 

Meagan: You want what you want, and you’re not selfish for wanting it. You’re really not. I think that’s really important because sometimes I think we are made to feel that we are selfish for wanting a different experience especially out there in the world, a lot of people say, “Why would you want that? Why would you risk that? You are selfish. Just be grateful for what you have. Just be grateful that you do have your baby and that you and your baby are okay.” No. No. The answer is no. 

Last but not least, I really wanted to share a little bit more about the bait and switch and how to recognize that because you guys, it can be hard to recognize. I don’t ever believe that these providers are sneakily trying to fool us, but maybe they are. I don’t know. I’ll tell you, they do. They do fool us. I don’t know if that’s because our judgment is clouded or what, but I think it’s important to feel that inside. 

What does your heart do when your provider walks in? What do your hands do? Do they clam up? Do they clench? Do they freeze? What does your body do? Are your shoulders rising up? Are they relaxed? Does your face have a smile on it? Really tune into who your provider is making you be. Are they making you a tense ball, or are they making you relaxed and excited?

I mean, really Jessica, the way you are talking about Dr. Swift, it sounds like she is amazing. She’s like, “Here. Here are the policies. I want you to know these. These are things that you are going to be up against. You might have to fight for intermittent monitoring instead of continuous. You might have to fight for this and this, but hey. I’m here. I’m on your side. We have these policies, but I’m here. Use your voice.” 

That was just so amazing. 

Jessica: It was amazing. I’m sad that I’m not going to have another child because I don’t get to go see her for appointments then. I really wish I would have met her sooner. That’s the type of doctor your need is when you actually want to go see them. That’s a big difference. You’re not thinking ahead of your appointment, “Well, I wonder if there is anybody else.” 

Meagan: Okay, I love that you said that. Check in with yourself and see if you are excited to see your provider. That’s how I was. I would look forward. I would look at the calendar and be like, “Oh my gosh. I get to see my midwife this week. This is so exciting,” because I would remember the way that she made me feel when I would get there. She would embrace me with a hug. “How are you doing, genuinely? How are you doing? How are you feeling?” We would chat, and it was a conversation like you said, like two friends. 

It really should be that connection. I know sometimes, providers don’t have the actual time, but tune into how you are feeling about seeing your provider. Are you dreading it? Are you worried about what you’re going to say? Are you worried that you’re going to have to be educated and come at them and say, “Well, I don’t want this, and I don’t want that”? What are they making you feel? If they are making you feel those genuine warm fuzzies, lean into that. 

Jessica: You have a good doctor then. 

Meagan: If you are feeling tense and anxious, I don’t know. It’s never too late to switch. You were switching later on. You had a further drive. There were obstacles that you had to hurdle through, but it is worth it. It is so worth it. 

We have a provider list, everybody. If you are looking for a provider, go to our Instagram. Look at our bio. Click on it. The very first block is supportive providers. If you have a supportive provider that you want to share, I was literally going to put Dr. Swift on this because of your testimonial of her, but she’s already on it. 

Jessica: She was already on it too when I checked. 

Meagan: Yeah. If you have a supportive provider and you checked this list and they are not on it, guess what? We have made it so you can add it. Definitely add your provider because Women of Strength all over the world, literally all over the world, are looking for this type of support. 

Jessica: Absolutely. In case you’re wondering if my other doctor ever reached out to me, I never heard a single word from her ever again. I canceled all my remaining appointments. Nobody reached out to say, “Hey, we noticed that you’re not coming back. What’s going on?” Anything could have been wrong when you’re that pregnant and you just disappear. It was upsetting that nobody said, “What’s going on, Jessica?” I was ready to let them have it because I was wanting them to reach out to say, “Why are you not coming back?” But they never called ever. 

Meagan: A lot of us stay because we are so worried about how our provider will feel or we have been with our provider this long. They deserve for me to stay. No. Do what’s best for you. I love that you pointed that out so much. I just want to thank you again so much for sharing your journey with us and all of these amazing nuggets. I know that they are going to be loved.

Jessica: Thank you so much for having me. This just feels amazing to be able to share my story when I’ve heard so many on here before that were so helpful.

Meagan: Yeah, and here you are. I love how full circle this always is, so thank you, again. 

Jessica: Yeah. Thank you for having me.

Closing

Would you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan’s bio, head over to thevbaclink.com. Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link.

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-vbac-link/donations

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Alma’s first birth was an emergency Cesarean after an induction at 40 weeks due to gestational diabetes. Due to COVID-19 policies, Alma’s husband was not allowed into the OR. She did not expect the induction process to end the way that it did, and felt robbed of the positive birth experience she hoped to have. 

Alma made sure to educate herself on all of her options for her second birth. She was very proactive about her health and did not have gestational diabetes the second time. She went into labor earlier than she expected at 38 weeks. She woke up in the middle of the night to her water breaking, and intense contractions began. 

Within minutes, Alma knew she had to go to the hospital immediately. Alma felt pushy as they made the 45-minute drive. She was admitted to a room, and her beautiful baby was born just two pushes later!

Evidence Based BirthⓇ: Induction for Gestational Diabetes

The VBAC Link Blog: VBAC with Gestational Diabetes

Birth Ball Amazon Link

Needed Website

How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents

Full Transcript under Episode Details 

Meagan: Hello, hello. It is almost the end of November. It is crazy to think that the year is coming to an end. But guess what, you guys? We still have so many amazing stories coming your way. Today’s story is from our friend, Alma. I’m already messing it up. It looks like Alma, but you say it. Tell me how to say it correctly.

Alma: Alma, but any way you say it is fine. 

Meagan: Perfect. I want to say it correctly though. She is sharing her stories today. Now, you are in New Jersey now, but you weren’t in New Jersey when you had your VBAC. Is that correct? 

Alma: When I had the C-section, I was in New Jersey, so we just zigzagged a little bit. 

Meagan: So she’s in New Jersey, but the VBAC wasn’t in New Jersey. I know a lot of people when they are listening are like, “Where was this VBAC?” We will talk a little bit more about that when we get into the story, but let’s give them a little teaser of what your episode is going to be. 

Your first C-section, I feel like was the steps. It was the steps or the cascade, and then a little bit of what you went through. Tell us a little bit of a teaser before we get into the episode. 

Alma: I had a lot of interventions in my first pregnancy and did end in an emergency C-section, then for my son, my second pregnancy, it was exactly the opposite. There wasn’t time for any intervention. He just flew out. My whole labor was 2 hours from the first contraction to when he was born. I almost delivered in the car. He was too fast, but it was exactly the experience that I wanted to have. 

Meagan: Yes. Oh my gosh, so a precipitous labor after a lot of interventions, an induction, and all of these things. I’m so excited to get to this episode today, but we do have a Review of the Week. As usual, if you haven’t done so yet, please leave us a review. We absolutely love them. 

Okay, this episode reviewer is Desiree Jacobsen. She actually just left this review this year in August of 2024. It says, “Thank you”. It says, “This podcast and parent’s course is amazing. I’m not a VBAC mom, but I have been listening since 2020. I binge-listen toward the end of pregnancy to remember everything I need to remember in the birth process through my previous births. This time around, I felt more prepared than ever before having plans in place just in case. We were able to have a quick birth for my fifth baby. I love the education, passion, love, and support this podcast gives. I recommend it to everyone I know, and I have learned so much from it. I am so grateful for this podcast. Thank you”. 

Oh, I love that. I love that, love that, love that. That was actually sent to us via email. If you didn’t know, you can email your reviews at [email protected]. Your reviews on the podcast and on Google are what truly help other Women of Strength find this platform and find the courage and the information that they need to choose the birth that they desire. 

Okay, girl. Let’s get into this story. So first birth, lots of interventions. Let’s talk about it. One, what types of interventions, and two, why? What led up to needing those interventions or I don’t know if it’s “needing” or really medically needed? Tell us more. 

Alma: Well, my first pregnancy was very normal and healthy up until I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. That’s where things started to change a little bit. I just failed the test by just a point, so my blood sugar was elevated, but it wasn’t as bad as it could be. I wasn’t even on insulin. I was just on diet control. 

Everything was going fine so I thought, but I would say a week before my due date, I was told that I needed to be induced because of the gestational diabetes. That was the first red flag of things going out of my control because I didn’t expect to be induced. Although I had gestational diabetes for a while already, I wasn’t told that this would probably be the case that I would be induced. 

I agreed to the induction of course. I understand why it’s done, so I went along with it. I think my daughter just did not want to be born. On that day at least, we went in on my 40th week, and I was on Pitocin for hours, and it did nothing. 

I tried some exercises. I tried a bunch of things. Nothing worked.

Eventually, the doctor suggested to manually break my water. That’s where I wish I had asked to do other things first. I wish I had rejected that choice, but I went along with it. 

From that point, the labor went from 0 to 1000. I was in so much pain in a matter of minutes. Everything happened so fast, and I wasn’t ready for that. I asked for an epidural really fast. I got the epidural, and that’s also when things got worse because my blood pressure started to decrease. 

I didn’t know that could happen actually. Later on, I scoured through every detail of what happened, and I tried to figure out exactly what went wrong. I realized that could happen with an epidural. When your blood pressure is affected, of course, the baby’s blood pressure is affected so my daughter started to have some fetal decelerations. It was very concerning. 

They put me on my back to deliver to push her out. I wasn’t even 10 centimeters yet. They were going to stretch me, but her blood pressure just declined in a way that was really concerning. I was rushed to the OR and the C-section was done. 

Everything happened so fast. I hesitate in using the word traumatic just because in the end, everybody was fine. I was fine. My daughter was fine. She was healthy, but it was very traumatic because nothing was in my control in that moment. I felt almost robbed of the experience that I expected to have. 

That was my first birth. 

Meagan: Well, and when things are rushed like that and you are left in a sense of– you said panic, but in a sense of urgent need to save something or save someone, it does. It sets all of your alarms off. 

Alma: That’s exactly what happened. 

Meagan: Everyone has trauma differently. They view trauma differently. Someone may see one things as traumatic, and someone would be like, “How is that traumatic?” It’s okay, I think, that you’re using that word because that is how you are perceiving this. Your feelings and your alarms that were going off in your body as everything was being rushed and all of these things left that traumatic feeling. 

Alma: Yeah, definitely. In that moment, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. At this time too, there were a lot of COVID restrictions, so my husband wasn’t let into the OR. It was like, “What happpened to her?” He was more concerned than me probably. He thought both of us were going to die, my daughter and myself. It all just happened so quickly. 

Thankfully, we were okay in the end, but I had no idea I would be coming back with a C-section scar. That requires more recovery. As a new parent, we were already new to everything. It was a lot to deal with, I think. 

Meagan: Yeah, what you were saying, I’m sure your husband had a lot of trauma through that experience too. We know that COVID especially– I mean, birth in general comes with a lot of things especially the unexpected, but when you through COVID in with that, it’s a lot of ick. It’s a lot of icky feelings. It’s a lot of ick. 

Alma: Yes. 

Meagan: So everything was good. Baby was good. You were good. Overall, it was a less-ideal situation, but where did that leave you after you had the baby and you were starting to recover? Where was your mind? 

Alma: I think I had to process a lot of what happened. I think I went into the first pregnancy very naive. It’s important to be educated, and I really appreciate this podcast for that reason to encourage us to be educated. It’s not that we are doctors. At least, many of us are not medical professionals, but we need to be aware of our bodies and just what the process looks like, and even some terminology. I was totally clueless on everything. I think that what I tried to do in between both pregnancies was just learn. What’s going on in my body? What can I say no to in terms of interventions?

You don’t have to agree to everything. I never want to argue with a doctor of course, but if I really feel like that’s not the best choice, I can always ask for another choice. I can consider other options. 

Meagan: Yes. 

Alma: I just didn’t know I could do that the first time. I definitely tried to educate myself as much as possible, and I think that contributed a lot to how the second delivery went. 

Meagan: Yeah. I just wanted to thank you so much for pointing that out and seeing that because if I were to guess, we all didn’t know that. We may have heard that you can always say no, but I don’t if we realized how much we really could say no to or ask for another opinion. Maybe we knew it, but didn’t really feel like we could. 

It can be hard. It can be hard to say no, but I love that you are like, “I want a different option. I’m going to say no to this right now. Give me another option.” It’s always okay. 

Alma: Definitely, definitely. Wanting to wait if the time allows, “Can we try this later?” There’s a conversation that needs to happen. It doesn’t have to be one thing that is suggested. 

Meagan: This way or no. 

Alma: For sure. 

Meagan: Where did your education start stemming from? Where did you start when you were like, “Okay, I want to do something different next time”? 

Alma: The podcast. The VBAC Link. I listened to a bunch of podcasts. There is All Things Pregnancy with Dr. Nicole Renkins, and of course, The VBAC Link Podcast. 

Meagan: We’ve had her. We love her. 

Alma: That’s just what I did all the time before I went to bed. I’d listen to an episode driving. I’d listen to an episode. It was very helpful. I felt like I could digest information better that way as opposed to reading, so that was a very helpful tool. 

I also tried to find professionals around me who could speak to my specific situations. I had a doula, and of course, I had my providers as well. They were all so helpful with helping me navigate some of the things that might have gone wrong the first time, and how I could prevent them going forward. 

Meagan: When they talked about some of the things that maybe went wrong the first time– I don’t want to say wrong. They went south. 

Alma: Yes. 

Meagan: I don’t know why people say that. I love south. I love the south. What were the kinds of things that stood out to them?

Alma: Well, I think the first thing was the induction in the first place. I completely understand the risk with gestational diabetes, but I think there could have been more conversations with that in my specific case. Seeing as I did not have diabetes that was really out of control, it was very well controlled with my diet, and there could have been room to say, “Maybe we can go a couple days past my due date.” I wouldn’t recommend that for everyone. I think it depends on your case, but I could have tried to have that dialogue, and maybe we didn’t need to have an induction. 

I also could have considered different methods of induction, and I think that was the first thing because I felt like that was the first domino piece. If I didn’t have the induction, it might not have led to a C-section in the first place. 

Another point was also the breaking of the water. Those things, I could have just said, “Let’s wait.” I was already there for the induction, so I could have just asked for a little more time. 

But the big point for me too was the epidural. That was, I think, the immediate reason for the fetal distress. 

Meagan: The response. 

Alma: The response, yeah. Understanding how I could avoid that. I was told that now with the second epidural, I may not have the same reactions because I’ve had it before. Also, if you get flushed with some IV fluids– 

Meagan: Yeah, I was going to say if you hydrate and not even just intravenously, but literally drinking water before. If you know that you’re going to want to get an epidural, or it’s heading that direction, start hydrating. The more you can hydrate, the better. 

Alma: So I learned those things, then also, I tried to prepare myself for not even having an epidural, although that wasn’t my goal, because I experienced the pains before. Even though I had the C-section, I went through some labor pains. I was accepting the fact that I might just need the epidural, but I considered that as well. How can I overcome this pain without any kind of medication? 

Those were things I was trying to consider about how we could do it differently so it doesn’t result in the same thing. 

Meagan: Okay, I love those tips. So now, you’re pregnant, and we have baby number two. Tell us this journey. 

Alma: Yes. I guess from the time of conception, it was about 18 months apart from the C-section. My pregnancy went perfectly fine. There were no issues. The difference being I had a toddler, so I was more active, of course. I was on my feet. I took at least 10,000 steps a day. I didn’t sit much just because of my daughter. I think that definitely helped in preparing my body. 

I was really focused on how I can work on my pelvic floor and was just preparing for what it would take to push a baby out. 

I also did a lot of exercises that I found online. I never did a class or anything, but these were just Instagram videos where you could see the top three videos for strengthening your pelvic floor and things like that that were just free and available. I had an exercise ball that was a lifesaver. I highly recommend that exercise ball for anybody who is pregnant, especially in the third trimester. You can sit on it. You can lean on it. You can squeeze it between your knees. All of those things provide relief, but they also strengthen your muscles down there. 

I did the Miles Circuit. All of those things were super helpful, and I did it daily to prepare my body. 

I guess going into the actual labor, I’ll start by saying that first of all, I didn’t have very supportive providers. I learned from this podcast that that’s very important. I do 100% agree that it’s half the battle if you have someone who is on your side and wants to help you make intelligent decisions. I would say my providers were not completely unsupportive, but there were a lot of policies from the hospital side that I think restricted them from encouraging a VBAC. There were a lot of if’s, and’s, and but’s. There were so many stipulations for when or if I could have a VBAC. 

Meagan: Can I ask which ones stood out where you were like, “These for sure are alarms”?

Alma: The biggest one was that I would have to deliver before 40 weeks. I felt statistically that doesn’t happen. People usually birth after their due dates, so I felt like I was already set up for, this is not going to happen probably. I felt really discouraged by that. 

Also, I guess the due date was a big thing, but also if I were to have gestational diabetes again, then the whole conversation on the doctor’s side was just completely mute. I would just need to go for the induction if I had gestational diabetes. Statistically, you do have it with each subsequent pregnancy according to what I have known. 

I was also expecting, okay. I’m most likely going to have gestational diabetes. I’m most likely not going to give birth before 40 weeks. It seemed like I was most likely going to have to agree to a C-section. 

Those things were not encouraging, but I did feel like the doctors were trying to help me find some safe loopholes. One of them being that they had to– I don’t know if this is law, but they had to schedule me for the C-section even though I didn’t want one. But they explained to me that I could go in and say to them that I didn’t want a C-section. I could ask for more time. I could ask to be induced, and hopefully, the induction wouldn’t lead to a C-section although it could. I guess they were trying to explain to me that there are some routes you could take, but given the fact that you had a previous C-section, we do have to just assume that you’re going to have another one. 

I felt really alone on that journey of trying to do something that I felt like I could do, especially given that the reason for the first C-section was an emergency. I was dilated. It wasn’t a failure to progress. I felt like my body was perfectly primed to do it, but because of time, we had to go for the C-section. 

I also had to have some conversations with myself accepting that if I do need to have another C-section, it’s not the end of the world. I guess what frustrated me about the first time was that I felt like I didn’t need to have it. C-sections save lives. They’re great tools when they’re needed, but I felt like I didn’t. Aside from the distress and all of that, I felt like I didn’t need it, so I wanted to really try for this vaginal birth. 

I was just in between trying to accept what might happen, but still trying to hold on to what I believed I could do. 

So, I guess fast forward to my 37th week, I had an appointment and I had to sign off that I would come in for a C-section, but my plan was to go in that day. This was on the 39th week. I would have the C-section. I could go in and say that I didn’t want to have it. 

On the night of my 38th week, my husband just finished putting together the crib, and it was midnight. He put together the crib. We went to sleep, and at around 2:45, I wake up because I thought I peed on myself. Now, I think I realize that it was my water leaking. I got up, and at that point, I had maybe cramping, but it wasn’t really painful. 

To make a long story short, 10 minutes later, I was having full-on contractions. They were super painful. I got out my phone to time it, and within two taps, the app was telling me to go to the hospital now. It was two taps. Everything was happening so fast. 

Meagan: They were coming so close. 

Alma: Yes. They were so close. I don’t remember how to count them. All I did was tap, and it was telling me to go. This was at 38 weeks, so I honestly didn’t have anything ready. I didn’t have my bags ready or nothing. Within a matter of minutes, I was just on the floor trying to remember the HypnoBirthing and everything, but it was all slipping because it happened so fast.

We get in the car, and I’m still in a whole lot of pain. At a certain point though, I got a grip. I was doing this Christian HypnoBirthing which really helped me. I finally grasped myself and was able to calm down, but the pain accelerated very, very fast. 

At a certain point, though, I started to feel a lot of pressure. I was still driving, by the way. We had about a 45-minute journey to the hospital. I started to feel a pressure to push. I just couldn’t resist it, so I pushed. I hammered down really hard. It sounded like a fire hydrant was cracked open. My water busted open in the car. I’m sitting behind the driver’s seat on my knees, and my water just gushed open. 

At that point, I really felt like he was coming out. I couldn’t hold back the desire to push because it also relieved the pain a little bit. It was more like a pressure as opposed to a pain. I just gave into that feeling, but I did feel like he was between my knees and was about to come out. 

My husband made a few wrong turns, but eventually, we got to the hospital. I couldn’t even sit, actually. They put me in a wheelchair to go to the place where you would give birth. I couldn’t sit down. He was just about to come out, and when I got there, I was already beyond 10 centimeters at that point. 

Later, the doctor told me when she came down to see me that she could already see the hair of my son’s head. He was already so close. Remember, the talk about the epidural? I wanted the epidural. I was asking the security guard, the person at the front desk– everybody I saw, I was asking for the epidural. I noticed that they didn’t respond to me on that. I overheard them telling my husband that it was way too late for the epidural. My son was already halfway out, and they couldn’t give me the epidural. 

Once the doctor came, she told me to give a good push. I pushed one time. His head came out. The second time I pushed, he flew out. I had five nurses dive in to grab him. 

Meagan: Oh my gosh. 

Alma: He was born, and that was the whole thing. It was super duper fast, unmedicated, and yeah. The most touching part to me was that he came out, and they put him on my chest. That was all I wanted. When my daughter was born in the C-section, I had to beg them to let me see her. I didn’t see her until minutes later. I didn’t hold her until the next day, but this time, they put her right on my chest, and it was just so redemptive. It was everything that I really wanted to experience. 

Meagan: Absolutely. It was probably a lot all at the same time, very shocking, but then to have that baby be placed on your chest, oh, what an amazing moment for you. 

Alma: Yes, yes. It was. 

Meagan: Oh my goodness. Super fast. 

I was just going to say that was super fast. 

Alma: It was. It was so fast. I think this is a thing with my kids. For my daughter, too, when they broke my water, everything went very fast. I don’t know. They are just really urgent, but my son was definitely in a rush. He came very, very fast. 

Meagan: Did your doula even make it?

Alma: No, she didn’t. She did not. She couldn’t. It just happened too fast. She didn’t make it on time, but she was happy to hear everything went fine. 

Meagan: Yes, of course. Of course. Oh my goodness. So after you had the baby, and you had him on your chest and everything, did all of the rest of everything go okay and smoothly?

Alma: Yeah. I was bleeding a lot, and that was a concern, but I thankfully recovered fine from that. I had a second-degree tear which I hear is not terrible for the first time doing that. So yeah. I recovered pretty quickly afterward. 

In my experience, it really didn’t compare at all to the C-section recovery. I was in a lot of pain after my C-section, but this time, it was just maybe a week or two of taking some pain medication for the stitches and stuff, but overall, I was fine. Yeah. I was able to go home the next day actually, so that was also very good. 

Meagan: The next day? That is awesome. 

Alma: Yeah. 

Meagan: How did your medical team feel about it? Did they say anything? Did they have any worries?

Alma: Everyone was just so shocked at how quickly everything took place. I think that was the main theme was just the speed, and also how determined my son was. With just two pushes, he just came out really fast. The concern of obviously dropping him because they all dove in to get him. I think that was the talk. This happened in the morning, so the whole rest of the day, they were just chatting about how quickly everything happened. 

Meagan: Oh my goodness. I bet. I think sometimes those births are kind of a lot for medical staff where you come in and your baby is crowning, but I feel like those births are the type that they really do talk about for a really long time, and they were like, “Look at this.” 

A lot of the times, here in Utah, anyway, they call them stop and drops where you show up at 10 centimeters. You just stopped in and dropped your baby. I feel like in a lot of ways, it shows people that labor can happen at home, and then you come and it can so beautifully happen without getting an IV, getting a heart trace, setting up fluids, doing this, having a cervical exam. There is just so much that doesn’t need to happen, and I love when medical staff can see that birth can just happen like that. It really, really can if we just leave it be. 

Alma: Yeah. That’s exactly another point of how I felt before because I had gestational diabetes, and because I had a previous C-section, they did make it sound like I needed to be hooked up to every machine, and I could never give birth at home. I just felt almost like a robot connected to everything. That’s how it had to be, but yeah. This time, I wasn’t even in a hospital gown. It was just so organic how it happened. That was exactly what I wanted to experience, but I think it was a good experience for the nurses as well to see that it was okay. I was fine without the IV and the other stuff. 

Meagan: Yeah, I love that. 

You had listed some tips. One of them was doing pelvic floor exercises on the ball which we kind of talked about. I love the ball so much. If you guys are interested in a ball, I’m going to link a ball in the show notes because they are actually really inexpensive and can do a lot of really good things. 

What other tips do you have for someone preparing for a VBAC?

Alma: The number one tip which I’ve heard constantly here is about being educated and understanding what your options are. Unfortunately, I think that most providers are not going to make it easy to have a VBAC just because of the risks that are associated with it. Of course, they may have your well-being in mind, but there are also a lot of hospital policies and protocols that they need to follow. They may not make it easy, but if you understand what your options are and what the research says, it opens the door for dialogue. 

When you open that conversation, I think you will find that doctors will probably give you more options than what they may have initially suggested. I always spent time talking with the doctors about, “So what if this happens? How about this? How about that?” I feel like that did wiggle in some room for me to not do things just following the protocol. 

Meagan: Yeah. 

Alma: That’s really important. 

Meagan: It’s so interesting how if you show up showing that you’re educated, there’s this different sense of– I don’t want to say respect, but I do want to say respect because I feel like these providers are like, “Oh. They get it. They understand. I can’t just say whatever. This needs to be an educated discussion.” It should always be like that, but I also think a lot of the times, providers don’t have time to really sit down and talk about the evidence, or their evidence is flawed because of personal experience. When you come in and you’re like, “Hey, what about this?” and they’re like, “Oh, she knows stuff,” it just really gives you some wiggle room. It gives the providers respect just a little bit more because they realize how important this is that we are educating ourselves. We are learning. We know the options, and we’re not just going to be like, “Okay, cool.” I love that tip. 

That, and finding the supportive provider. In the beginning, you had said that the hospital policies may have trumped these providers’ stance. I think not only just finding your supportive provider, but really understanding the hospital policy. You can call, and you can talk to the head nurse. You can talk to the board and the directors of the hospital. You can say, “Hey, I need to know the hospital policies surrounding VBAC.” 

Alma: Yeah. You know, I believe it was on this podcast where someone mentioned that the best way to know how a provider feels about a VBAC is just to ask them very straight, “What do you think about VBACs?” Their expression will say it all. You don’t have to have a preamble about it. Just ask directly, and I think that helps. I definitely did that. It wasn’t favorable in my case, but I definitely think looking into the hospital C-section rates is really important too. How often do they have C-sections? How often do they have VBACs? If they have that information available, that’s also really helpful. 

In my case, I found out too late that it wasn’t the highest, but it was pretty high. Also, from this podcast, I learned that it’s never too late to switch providers if you want to. I didn’t take that route. I stuck with who I was with, but I guess I was just trying to be adamant with what I wanted to do as much as possible. 

Meagan: Absolutely. Do you have any tips on how to possibly find the hospital’s Cesarean rate? It used to be out there on cesareanrates.org. It used to be out there, and you could look up your hospital. You could look up your state. You could look up your provider, even. That’s gone down a little bit and changed a little bit, but do you have any advice if someone is wanting to know their hospital’s Cesarean rate? 

Alma: In my case, I just searched the hospital name and the Cesarean rate. This was a pretty big hospital. This was in Florida. It was a hospital with a very big network, so that information was readily available on their website. You do need to dig around, but it was on their website. If you are dealing with a big hospital with many departments and so on, they may have that information on their website easily with a Google search. 

You could also talk to people who work at the hospital as well. If it’s not online, I think that information is quantified normally. They might not quantify how many VBACs they have, but definitely the C-section rate is information that they are following and tracking. 

Meagan: Yeah. I feel like it’s always fair to ask your provider, “What’s your Cesarean rate?” A lot of the time, they will say, “I don’t know.” They know. They know. That’s something that they need to be able to give you. It’s okay to ask that. “What percentage of your deliveries end in a Cesarean?” 

Alma: Yeah. Being direct is really the easiest way to know clearly where they stand. 

Meagan: Yeah, absolutely. 

I wanted to really quickly talk just slightly about gestational diabetes. There’s a lot when it comes to gestational diabetes. We know, just like you had experienced, that most providers suggest an induction. They just do. 

According to the American Pregnancy Association, gestational diabetes occurs in 2-5% of pregnancies which is decent. For those who are at a higher risk in their pregnancy, it may be even higher up to 9%, but a lot of them are controlled like yours were through diet or even through insulin and things like exercise. A lot of people are controlling them. 

Evidence Based BirthⓇ, which I want to make sure that this is linked in our show notes and our blog so if you want to go read more about gestational diabetes or you had gestational diabetes with your last pregnancy and you may have it again, definitely go check it out. They talked about how there is actually very little data in how often people are actually induced because of the diagnosis of gestational diabetes. 

But in one of the retrospective studies, they found that out of 330,000 births from 2001-2007, they saw– okay, let’s see. It says, “The people in the study came from six health insurance plans, many different hospitals and regions, and represented a large and diverse population. Health insurance plans datas were linked to birth certificate data in order to improve accuracy compared to using birth certificates alone.” 

Going down a little bit further, they said, “Overall, 30% of labors were induced. When they looked at the reasons for induction, 59% of labors were induced for an accepted medical reason and 41% were considered to be elective.” Those are pretty big numbers to me. 

Alma: Yeah. Yes. Yeah, those are big. 

Meagan: Yeah, those are really big numbers. It goes on. It talks about, does gestational diabetes always mean induction? What’s the evidence for randomized controlled trials? They go way into it because Rebecca Dekker is amazing, and their team is incredible. We will also have our blog linked because I believe this is a really important topic to know more about especially if you’ve had it so you can make the right decision. And how you said, you were like, “I was in a controlled state. Everything was controlled through my diet, and I could have likely gone further,” but you didn’t. You weren’t really encouraged to go further. It was like, “Let’s induce.” 

Alma: Yeah, it literally was just like that. There was no conversation about it. 

Meagan: Yeah. No conversation about it. I think that’s where we’re going wrong a lot in the medical system. A lot of the time, there is no conversation. Even though we have the power to start that conversation, sometimes it’s really difficult when we’re being told, “Your provider thinks this. Your baby is in danger. You’re in danger if you don’t do these things.” It’s like, “Okay. Okay. I’ll do those things,” but we need to have those conversations. I think that again, having the education and knowing the evidence behind it, and the risks and the benefits and all of those things, it will help you have that conversation if and when the time is needed. 

So, thank you so much for chatting with us today and sharing your stories and giving us advice, and leaning into more conversations for gestational diabetes. I think it’s something that is happening. A lot of people are getting it. There are things we can do even before pregnancy like really increasing our protein and things. But sometimes, it just happens. It just happens. 

Alma: I will say just to be clear, the second pregnancy, I did not have gestational diabetes. 

Meagan: Okay. 

Alma: That was also something. That was my biggest concern. The two points I mentioned were that the conditions were that I couldn’t have gestational diabetes, and I needed to deliver before 40 weeks. But this goes along with education. I did my best to improve my diet even pre-pregnancy to avoid that diagnosis. It was actually a miracle that my blood test came back really well. I almost thought this was the wrong test because it wasn’t elevated at all. I was really, really thankful that through some dietary changes and lifestyle changes, I didn’t have gestational diabetes at all. 

Then the second point about giving birth before 40 weeks, it was a spontaneous labor at 38 weeks which also was so supernatural. I really thank God. Everything happened really perfectly. Yeah. That was really a blessing.

Meagan: Yes. Oh, thank you so much for everything. You are amazing.

Alma: Oh, thank you. 

Meagan: We just love you.

Alma: Thank you so much. I had a great time sharing the story, and I hope it encourages other women as well. 

Meagan: It will, for sure. 

Alma: Great. 

Closing

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“Hospital Policy means the principles, rules, and guidelines adopted by the Hospital, which may be amended, changed, or superseded from time to time.”

Julie and Meagan break down hospital policies today, especially common ones you’ll hear when it comes to VBAC. They chat all about VBAC agreement forms and policies surrounding continuous fetal monitoring, induction, and epidurals. 

Women of Strength, hospital policies are not law. They vary drastically from hospital to hospital. Some are evidence-based. Some are convenience-based. Do your research now to make sure you are not surprised by policies you are not comfortable with during labor!

Defining Hospital Policy

Birth Rights Article

Needed Website

How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents

Full Transcript under Episode Details 

Meagan: Welcome, everybody. We are going to be talking about policies today. What do they mean? Why are they created? And when do we have the right to say no or do we have the right to say no?

And I have Julie discussing this with me today. Hey. 

Julie: You know I’m a policy fighter. 

Meagan: Yes, we do. We do. The longer I have gone– in the beginning, I was not a policy fighter. I really wasn’t. I was a go-with-the-flow, sure, okay, let’s do it, you know best. That’s really how I was. 

Julie: A lot of people are. 

Meagan: That’s true. I think a lot of the time, it’s because we don’t know what our options are. We just don’t know, so I’m really excited to get into this with you today. 

I always love it because we kind of get into this spicy mood sometimes when we have topics like this that we are very passionate about. We are going to be talking about policies today. I do have a Review of the Week, and this is actually a very recent review which is so fun. We just posted on our social media for Google reviews. We were specifically looking for Google reviews and podcast reviews. 

These are so, so important for us but also for other people to find this platform. We want people to hear these stories. We want people to feel inspired and get educated and know their rights. Your reviews truly do matter, so if you have not yet, please, please, please do so. You can leave a review on your podcast platform, or you can go over to Google and just type in “The VBAC Link”, and then you can type in a review there. 

This reviewer is by Savannah, and she says, “I started listening to The VBAC Link Podcast around 16 weeks pregnant and continued throughout y pregnancy. It was so good and encouraging for me as a mama who was preparing for my VBAC. It helped me gain confidence, helped me know what to look for, and what to watch out for in my providers. Hearing others’ stories was so encouraging and helped me gain so much knowledge. I had my hospital VBAC unmedicated with my 8-pound, 15-ounce baby.” You guys, 8-pound, 15-ounce baby is a perfect-sized baby let me just say. 

“And I know that the knowledge I gained from this podcast played a huge role in being able to advocate for myself to get my birth outcome.” Huge congrats, Savannah, on your beautiful VBAC for your perfect-sized baby. I say that because you guys, let’s get rid of the “big baby” term. Let’s just title these babies as perfect-sized because an 8-pound, 15-ounce baby for some providers may be categorized as larger or maybe even macrosomic. 

it’s really important to know that your baby is the perfect size and your pelvis is amazing. You can do it just like our reviewer, Savannah. 

Julie: Your pelvis is amazing. 

Meagan: Seriously. All right, you cutie. Look at you. Did you just get a haircut, by the way?

Julie: I did, yesterday. It’s a little short. We did some color. It’s a little smidgey shorter, but then I think I wanted it to still go in a low ponytail for births. That was my goal. 

Meagan: I’m totally digging it. 

Julie: Thank you.

Meagan: I should be having fresh hair, but my cute hair lady bailed on me the morning of my hair appointment. 

Julie: Oh no! 

Meagan: Sometimes we have matching nails, but we would have had matching nails. We don’t have them today. 

You guys, we just miss each other. I miss you. 

Julie: Yeah. We need to go to lunch again. 

Meagan: We do. 

Yes. We love shopping, you guys. Let’s talk about hospital policies. 

Julie: Let’s do it. 

Meagan: We know that so many people go into– not even just birth, but really a lot of things in the medical world. They just go to a doctor’s office visit or go to a small procedure, or whatever it may be, and these places have policies. I want to talk about what it means. What does a hospital policy mean? What is the definition? 

The definition, according to lawinsider.com, says, “Hospital policy means the principals, rules, and guidelines adopted by a hospital which may be amended, changed, or superseded from time to time.” 

Julie: Oh, I love that addition. Amended, changed, or superseded. 

Meagan: Yep. 

Julie: Yeah. 

Meagan: Yeah. It can. 

Julie: And it does. 

Meagan: And it does. It does. 

Julie: It does. 

Meagan: You guys, let’s just start off right now with the fact of a hospital policy– or a policy, okay? A policy in general is not law. It is not law. If you decide to decline a hospital policy– 

Julie: It is well within your rights. 

Meagan: Well within your rights. 

You could get some kickback. You could probably expect it. 

Julie: You probably will. 

Meagan: But, that’s okay. That’s okay. My biggest advice is if you are receiving or being told that this is a hospital policy, and you disagree with the policy, or maybe you agree with the policy for someone else, but for you, it’s not working, and you say no, and they say, “Well, –”

Julie: “It’s hospital policy.” 

Meagan: “This policy is policy, and if you choose to break it, then you can sign an AMA.” 

Julie: You are so funny. “This policy is policy.” It’s like that though. 

Meagan: That’s literally what they say. 

Julie: They say, “It’s hospital policy.” And you say, “Well, I don’t agree with that policy.” “Well, it’s hospital policy.”

Meagan: “Well, it’s policy.” Okay. Well, I’m telling you I don’t like your stupid policy. 

Julie: I don’t like your stupid policy. We are spicy, huh? 

Meagan: I mean it, though. I think I maybe shared this a little bit, but I had a client who had a home birth planned. She decided to go to the hospital because she had preeclampsia, and this nurse was not giving her her baby. She kept saying, “It’s policy. It’s policy. It’s policy.” I was like, “This mom’s word trumps your policy.” As a doula, I was getting into some rocky, choppy waters I was feeling. I could just feel the tension building. It did not feel comfortable at all. 

I looked at my client. 

Julie: You’re just like, “Give her her doggone baby.” 

Meagan: They could kick me out. They could. I need you to know that they really could kick me out. She was like, “That’s okay. I want my baby.” So I pushed. I pushed. I pushed and I pushed. We did get her her baby, but we had to fight. We really, really, really had to fight, and it sucks. It really, really sucks. 

So there is a website called pregnancyjusticeus.org. We’re going to have this. I have not actually gone through all of it. It is– how many pages is this, Julie? It is a lot of pages. It is 65 pages, you guys. It’s 65 pages of birthright information, going through a lot. 

Julie: It will be linked in the show notes. 

Meagan: Yes, it sure will. If you want to go through this, I highly encourage it. It is from Birth Rights and Birth Rights Bar Association, the National Advocates for Pregnant Women. Like I said, it’s 65 pages, but what they said in here I just think is so powerful. 

It says, “There is no point in pregnancy in which people lose their civil and human rights, and yet all over the world, people often experience mistreatment and violations of their rights during pregnancy and birth and postpartum.” We see these things. 

Julie: You need to make that a social media post. People need to know this. 

Meagan: Yes. Down here even further, it says, “We also know that doulas and other people providing support to pregnant and birthing people often bear witness to rights violation of clients of loved ones. In a recent survey, 65% of doulas and nurses indicated that they had witnessed providers occasionally or “often” engage in procedures explicitly against their patients’ wishes.” 

This is a serious issue. 

Julie: It is a serious issue. I feel like it’s really frustrating, especially as a birth photographer where my lines as a doula are very separate, but I always doula a little bit at every birth I go to. It’s not hands-on stuff always, but it’s hard when you see people getting taken advantage of and they don’t know they are being taken advantage of and they don’t know that they have options or choices and they don’t know that they can decline or request changes, and that’s probably the hardest part is that people just don’t know. 

I have a little tangent, but I’m in this Facebook support group for this medication that I’m on. It really amazes me continuously about how little people know about a medication that they are taking, a pretty serious medication that they are taking, and how little their doctors inform them of what the medication is and what some of the side effects and issues are, and what they can reasonably expect from it because some people have completely unreasonable expectations because they haven’t dug into it at all. 

The other day, somebody said something like, “I’ve been really, really tired and fatigued since I started this medication, but I called my doctor and she said that fatigue is not a common side effect with this medication,” and I’m like, “What?” It’s literally listed on the manufacturer’s website that it’s a side effect. It’s listed on the insert for the medication. It’s talked about all the time in this Facebook group, and it can be caused by a number of things that this medication affects. 

The fact that either her doctor didn’t know or just told her– anyway, it leads me. I promise there’s a point to this. It leads me to the fact that your doctor does not know everything about everything, especially a family doctor. This medication is prescribed by family doctors sometimes and endocrinologists. It is impossible for them to know everything about everything. 

Something like obstetrics and gynecology is more specialized so it is more focused. It is a more centralized area of study, but still, your doctor doesn’t know everything about everything. It is not uncommon for them to not keep up in advancements in medications and technology and practices as they evolve. 

It’s very, very common for the medical community to be 10-15 years behind the current research and evidence. It just is. Doctors and nurses and all of these things who have to have to have a certain number of contact numbers per year to keep up with training and education, but it is impossible for them to keep up with everything. It is okay for you to have different opinions than your provider. It’s okay for you to want different things than is hospital policy, and it is perfectly reasonable for you to make those requests and for those requests to be honored. It is also okay for you to know more about a particular thing than your provider might. 

Meagan: Yep. 

Julie: Period, exclamation point, shazam. 

Meagan: Well, we’ve talked about this with other providers. We’ve heard other stories where people come in. They have stats that their providers haven’t even seen. They just get stuck in their own way and their policies, and there are other things going on outside, so they just point-blank say, “No, this is how it is,” and you might have more information. That doesn’t mean you are more educated or qualified or whatever to be a doctor. 

Julie: Yeah, exactly. 

Meagan: It doesn’t mean, “Oh, I might as well be a doctor because I know this information and you don’t,” but it means that you may have found information that your provider is not aware of. It is okay for you to bring that to their attention. In fact, do it. Congratulations for them to find out the information that they might not have known yet, so they can do better for the next patient. 

Julie: I want to say that there is an attitude with some medical care providers of, “Don’t confuse your Google search with my medical degree.” 

Meagan: Yes. 

Julie: Come on. I really have a big problem when people get like that because first of all, and I’ve said this before, and I will continue to say it again, we have at our fingertips access to the largest amount of information ever available in humankind ever at our desktops. We can sit down, and you can go and find information and studies related to anything ever. 

Yes, don’t go looking at Joe Blow down the street’s opinion about childbirth or whatever. Yes, that might be a credible source. It might not be, but you can literally find these same studies, the same research, and the same information that these providers have access to in their path to their medical degree. Is it extensive? No. Are you going to have the hands-on experience that they have doing these procedures and C-sections and things like that? No, you’re not, but you still have access to the same information that they have access to. 

I have a big problem when providers have this arrogant attitude that they know more. Yes, they do know more generally. They might not know more when it comes down to specific things that have been updated since they have gotten out of school. 

Meagan: Yeah. I feel like in a lot of ways, we hear these policies and these things come up, and you’re like, “But where?” Then they can’t show you the policy or stat. 

Julie: Yeah, then they’ll be like, “You’re 20x more likely to rupture.” You’re like, “Can you send me the research?” They’re like, “It’s the way we’ve always done it.”

Meagan: I did a one-on-one consult, and a provider told someone that they had this astronomical amount of percentage of rupturing, and I was like, “Wait, what?” 

Julie: Seriously. 

Meagan: I was like, “Please challenge your provider and ask them for that.” She did, and they were unable to give her that. We can just hear things, and if we just take them, it can be scary, and it can impact decisions when maybe that’s not true. 

I also want to talk about policy for providers. Their policy should be that everyone should have informed consent. They have policies, too, that not only you have to follow or that they have to follow. It’s a whole thing. There are many policies. Your provider really has to explain the risks, benefits, and alternatives for any medical procedure, intervention, or anything coming your way, but we see it not happening most of the time. We just see people doing stuff because it’s within their normal routine but it’s breaking policy which is so frustrating to me. So you can break policy? I want intermittent monitoring. I don’t want consistent monitoring. I’m breaking a policy? 

Julie: So what?

Meagan: So what? 

Julie: So what? Sorry. 

Meagan: Let’s talk a little bit more about VBAC and policies surrounding VBAC. We know that policies are just there. They’ve been created. During COVID, holy Hannah. We saw these policies change weekly, you guys. 

Julie: Daily. 

Meagan: Yeah, seriously. They went in and they were like, “This is our new policy. This is our new policy. This is our new policy,” and I was like, “What?” 

Julie: It was freaking whiplash.

Meagan: Yes, it was horrible. It was horrible. But they can change a policy just like that. You can say no to a policy just like that. 

So, okay. Sorry. I digress. Let’s go back. Let’s talk about what policies often surround VBAC. I know a lot of the time, in hospitals all over, it’s a policy that midwives cannot treat VBAC. Or you can’t be induced because it’s a policy. You can’t induce VBAC. 

We talked about this before we started recording, and I said it just now. It has to be consistent monitoring. 

Julie: Yeah. Well, can I just do a little bit of a timeout and a rewind for half a second? Hospitals are businesses, okay? I just want to explain this to everybody. Hospitals are businesses. I think we know that. You don’t have to have that explained. 

Businesses, in order for them to run efficiently and smoothly, need to have policies, guidelines, best practices, standards of care, procedures, and things like that. It is a business. It is okay for them to set parameters for which they want their providers and nurses and everybody who is at the hospital to operate under, right? It’s okay for them to have those things. It’s okay for them to set those because if you didn’t have those, the business would fall apart. Everybody would be doing whatever the heck they want. 

There would be a lot of disorder, right? 

Meagan: Yes. 

Julie: So policies and procedures and these best practices and things like that are created in order to keep things aligned and have a nice model of care so that they can be more cost-efficient so that the patients know what to expect so that the providers have a routine and things like that. 

Meagan: Yeah. 

Julie: There are reasons for these things. However, when we like to push back, when we are bothered, and the thing that really is frustrating about these policies is when they are put in place so rigidly that there’s no flexibility and that it takes away a patient’s autonomy, and that it removes individualized care from the birth experience. 

So this is why we want to talk about this. This is why we don’t think all policies are dumb. No, we don’t. We see the reason. We understand why they are in place. However, we want you to know that it is well within your rights as a human to decline and request changes for these policies, and to desire something different, and to have that desire respected. 

It’s hard when some providers and nurses get so stuck in the fact that, “This is policy,” that they take away your autonomy and your right to choose. That’s what we’re pushing back against, and that’s what we want you to know. These policies are not law. You have the right to want something different and to request something different, and to have that right respected. Okay.

Meagan: Absolutely. Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more. I do think it can be really hard because they have these things to keep order and to keep things tidy.

Julie: And with the intention to keep you safe. 

Meagan: Yes.

Julie: But sometimes intentions don’t always translate well. But anyway. 

Meagan: Yeah. But really quickly before we get into what policies surrounding VBAC are, when we start questioning policy, there are things that can come into play where there are threats, there is coercion, there is gaslighting that starts happening because they are really panicked that you are questioning their policy. They feel very uncertain that you are questioning that. 

Julie: They may even feel unsafe, or they might never have had the policy challenged before so they don’t know what to do about it. Right?

Meagan: Yeah. Yeah. Just know that if people are coming at you with, “Well, if you don’t do this, then this,” or whatever it may be, then it can get intense, but you can still say no. You can also ask for a copy of that policy. Again, even though that policy isn’t law, you can still ask for it. 

Julie: Ideally, you can do this before labor begins because it’s really hard to fight and bump up against these policies during labor. 

Meagan: Yeah. 

Julie: It’s going to be a lot harder. 

Meagan: Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so let’s go in. 

I talked a little bit about fetal monitoring. 

Julie: Induction. 

Meagan: Not being seen by certain people. No induction. Or the opposite. 

Julie: You have to be induced. 

Meagan: You have to be induced. 

Julie: By such and such a date. 

Meagan: Yes. It’s just so funny because it varies all over. 

Julie: It does vary all over. 

Meagan: Let’s talk about it. Okay, so fetal monitoring. 

Julie: Don’t forget epidural placement too. 

Meagan: Yes. Epidurals. 

Julie: We can talk about that. That’s my favorite one to argue against. Anyways. Okay.

Meagan: There are so many. Okay, let’s talk about fetal monitoring. What is the policy typically behind continuous fetal monitoring?

Julie: Yeah, so most hospitals– in fact, I’ve never met a hospital where this hasn’t been the hospital policy– is that continuous fetal monitoring is required for everybody, but especially for VBAC. They double down for VBAC because one of the first signs of uterine rupture, especially for someone who has an epidural, is irregular fetal heart tones. That can be one of the first signs of uterine rupture. Most hospitals are very, very adamant about having continuous fetal monitoring, especially for people who are undergoing a TOLAC which is a trial of labor after a Cesarean. It’s not a bad word. It’s just how it’s defined in the medical community before you have your VBAC.

The reason they do that, like I just said— but honestly, if you don’t have an epidural and if you aren’t under any type of pain medication, the first sign of uterine rupture for you is going to be really intense pain. That’s going to be your first sign. Especially if you are going unmedicated, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to request intermittent monitoring. 

Do you want me to go into why they introduced fetal monitoring in the first place?

Okay, in the early 1970s, we saw lots of rapid advancements in the medical field and technology related to the medical field. Things like continuous fetal monitoring got introduced. Antibiotics became more readily accessible. The procedures themselves, especially the C-section procedure, became perfected and easier to do with fewer complications and fever rates of infections. All sorts of things started happening at a really rapid pace in the early 1970s. One of the things that got introduced was continuous fetal monitoring. 

The intention behind the continuous fetal monitoring when it got introduced was to decrease the rates of cerebral palsy in infants. Cerebral palsy usually happens when during either pregnancy or labor, oxygen is deprived to the brain of the baby. It can cause a stroke and damage part of the white matter in the brain. 

The idea behind it was if you could catch the reduced flow of oxygen to the baby by monitoring its heart rate, you could intervene and do a C-section in time to get the baby out before cerebral palsy happens, essentially. 

The interesting thing about that is that after continuous fetal monitoring was introduced, there was no change in the rate of cerebral palsy. It stayed the same. It still is very similar. But what it did do is that it was one component that increased the rates of C-sections and other interventions. They are more likely to take a baby out due to nonreassuring fetal heart tones, and we’ve seen no improvement in maternal mortality and morbidity rates and infant mortality rates either with the introduction of all of these interventions. 

Meagan: Yeah. One of the reasons why they say that it’s mandatory for VBACs specifically is because fetal heart tones decelerating is one of the signs, one of many, that a uterine rupture may be taking place. 

Julie: Right, right. I said that. 

Meagan: Oh, you did. 

Julie: Yeah. 

Meagan: I was reading the link. I missed that. 

Julie: No, no. You’re fine. Say it again. It’s okay.

Meagan: No, you’re fine. Okay. So with uterine rupture, fetal heart decels are not always a symptom of uterine rupture. What do you feel like it means? I feel like so many people feel more comfortable having their baby on the monitor so they can hear them. 

Julie: Oh, they do. You know what? The staff is more likely to do that too. This is really sad, but we have a labor and delivery culture that is very, very comfortable sitting at a desk down a hall watching a monitor to see how a patient is doing rather than remaining in the room and watching them. They rely more on what is going on on the contraction monitor and the heart rate monitor than they do the visible signs of the patient. It’s how they’ve been trained. It’s how they monitor dozens of people at once in a labor and delivery unit, and I feel like continuous fetal monitoring and the contraction monitor are other ways that de-individualizes care. 

I don’t know if that’s a word. It takes out the individuality. It takes out the rights to the human and it takes out really watching the person, and relies too much on the data. Data is good. I love data. Don’t get me wrong. I am a data junkie 110%, but data can only take you so far. I feel like that’s why people freak out about the continuous fetal monitor thing. “How are we supposed to know if you’re doing okay at the desk because we can’t see the chart on the screen if we’re not monitoring you continuously?” It puts more work on them, which is okay. 

I can’t imagine being a labor and delivery nurse because sometimes you have more than one patient that you’re monitoring and watching, and you’ve got lots of other things to do including charting and all of this stuff. 

Meagan: Yeah, this is one of those things that was created that even though the evidence didn’t prove that the reason why it was created worked out, it stayed because it brought ease to monitoring labor, and monitoring it not in the same room, and being able to have five other patients while seeing a chart. 

Okay, so fetal monitoring is one. Let’s talk about the induction or the non-induction that we’ve seen policies on both ways which also is so weird to me. I know it’s hospital to hospital, but why aren’t we going off of evidence?

Julie: Dude, dude. Do you know what is so funny to me? I will also cry this out from the rooftops until I die, but if you really want to understand what maternal healthcare is like in the United States, you’ve got to talk to a doula or a birth photographer because we see not only hospital births and home births and birth center births, but we see all of the different hospitals and how they vary in hospital policy. It is so funny to me sometimes the conversations that I hear or have with labor and delivery nurses who insist one thing, then the next labor and delivery nurse in the next hospital insists on something completely different. 

“Oh, it’s not safe to go past 20 for Pitocin on VBAC,” then the next hospital will be like, “Yeah, it’s perfectly safe as long as you are monitored and the OB signs off on it.” It’s so up, down, and sideways based on whatever this specific hospital policy is. It’s not their fault which is why sometimes I like travel nurses in labor and delivery units because they go all around the country and have vastly different experiences with all the different hospitals. It’s fun to see the culture shift that can come in when that happens. 

Meagan: Yeah. Okay, so in some hospitals, it is policy that you have to go into labor spontaneously. 

Julie: Yeah. They will not induce for VBAC. Oh, but if you haven’t had your baby by 40 weeks, it’s hospital policy to do a C-section. 

Meagan: Yeah, they will not induce you, but then if you don’t go into labor by 40 weeks, they have to schedule a C-section. What’s the evidence there, and why is that even being a policy?

A lot of providers after 40 weeks fear or they say that VBAC uterine rupture chances skyrocket after 40 weeks because, “Oh, that baby is getting bigger. They’re stretching that uterus out,” but that’s really not necessarily the case. We’re seeing it happen more and more and more where people are then doubting their body’s ability to give birth or go into labor. They are so scared that their baby’s going to get so big that they’re going to cause uterine rupture if they go past 40 weeks. I mean, really. You guys, the amount of things that we see coming in The VBAC Link’s DM’s– I love that you guys write us. Please keep writing us, but it’s frustrating, not that you’re writing us, but that these providers are telling people these things. 

Then we have the opposite that we have to induce by 40 weeks. 

Julie: Can I read you this thing? There’s a post in The VBAC Link Community today. It was a VBAC agreement form. If you’re birthing at a hospital, you’re more than likely going to have to sign a piece of paper showing all of the risks of VBAC, but they don’t ever make you do that for a C-section. 

This hospital VBAC policy, hold on. I was reading it this morning. Listen to this. This is word for word from this VBAC agreement form from a hospital. “I am aware that the best chance for a successful VBAC is to go into spontaneous labor, and that the risk of Cesarean section is increased past my due date. In an effort to afford me the best chance of achieving VBAC, I agree to be induced the 39th week of pregnancy or sooner if medical issues are present if I am still pregnant.”

In that same paragraph, they say that the best chance of a successful VBAC is going into spontaneous labor, but if you don’t go into labor by 39 weeks, we’re going to induce you. 

Meagan: It also says that after 40 weeks, Cesarean chances increase so we have to induce a whole week before. 

Julie: Yeah. Right? 

Meagan: I’m sorry. 

Julie: This is real life. How is this even a thing? Blah, blah, blah. That’s what I say. Screw your policy. How can you contradict yourself like that? It says, “The risk of a Cesarean section is increased past my due date, but it’s also increased if you induce me, so either way I have increased risk.” This is literally what they are telling you in this form that they make you sign. 

Meagan: You know, those forms are so important to pay attention to, you guys. As you are getting these forms, the VBAC consent forms, or VBAC agreement forms or whatever. They title them all differently. 

Julie: I’m just reading this hospital policy more. Sorry. “I am aware of the hospital policy requiring two IV access sites.” 

Meagan: Okay. Today, which you guys, was last– I’m trying to think. It was a month ago. Okay, a month ago– I recorded the episode today, but a month ago, when this is coming out. Go listen to Paige’s midwifery episode. She just was talking about that. That is a policy within the hospital that she helps people at. They have two hep locks. This was news to me as of today, and now you are seeing this in this policy. Why? Why? What is the evidence behind that? Why?

Julie: This VBAC agreement form is every single thing that we are talking about. “I agree to have continuous fetal monitoring. I am aware of this policy by this obstetric group–.” I won’t say it because maybe we shouldn’t call them out. Maybe we should. “--to require epidural placement by the time of active labor. I am aware of the implication that certain complications of labor can be life-threatening to myself and my baby. These can only be addressed promptly at the hospital. To lessen the risk of delay during a complication, I agree (in bold)--”

Meagan: Yes. All of the agrees are in bold.

Julie: “--to come to the hospital immediately if I am in labor or if my water breaks.”

Meagan: Ugh. 

Julie: “I have been adequately about the risks, benefits, and alternatives of VBAC, and have the opportunity to ask questions. I am aware that no one is able to guarantee a successful VBAC and that repeat C-section may be indicated if my baby is breech, I do not adequately dilate, I am able to push my baby out, my baby does not tolerate labor, there is a concern for uterine rupture, or if any unforeseen medical issue arises during my pregnancy which makes labor unsafe–” according to who?

Anyways, “certain methods of induction of labor are not permitted to be used in patients with prior Cesarean sections. I understand that if I am induced, the only safe options include medical dilation with a balloon, Pitocin, and breaking my water.” That, I feel like, is accurate. 

Meagan: That is valid. That is valid. Okay.

Julie: That’s the only one. Cool. 

Meagan: Cool. Out of ten. 

Julie: Are you reading this right now? Do you have it up?

Meagan: Yes. I pulled it up. 

Let’s talk about epidural. You guys, this has 86 comments already. One of the commenters said, “You absolutely do not need to get an epidural, have continuous monitoring, or go into the hospital when labor begins. These are often things to avoid when trying for a VBAC.” 

Julie: Yes. Yes. 

Meagan: You absolutely can have these things. “You can have these things, but having an epidural before 6 centimeters can put you at a higher risk of Cesarean including continuous monitoring. Your rights override policies.” This is what she said. She said, “Are you in the States? Did you sign this?” 

Julie: But I love what Flor Cruz with Badass Mother Birth said. “This is atrocious. Run. I would rather give birth in the woods by myself than to agree with this monstrosity.” 

Meagan: Really, though. We have so many things coming at us. We’re so vulnerable when we are pregnant, and we want a VBAC so badly. We have forms like this being given, or we have policies being thrown at us, and we say, “Just say no,” but when you’re in that moment, it’s really difficult. 

I think something that I want to say is, as you are learning these policies, as you’re learning more, figure out if you are someone who can stand up to these policies and say no, or figure out if there’s someone on your team who you need to have be there to help you find the strength to say no. Also, make sure that your family knows and your team knows what’s important to you when it comes to these policies. What triggers you? It is very difficult to say no or, “I am not going to do that,” or to not even say a word because they just strap the monitors on you, or call anesthesia because they just did a cervical exam, and the nurse logged that you’re 6 centimeters, so anesthesia is just coming down, but you might be doing really well and not want an epidural. 

Okay, I want to talk about epidurals. 

Julie: Let’s talk about epidurals. Jinx. Let’s do it. 

This is my favorite policy to tear apart and rip apart. Here’s the thing. The reason why they tell you they want an epidural placed, but you don’t have to have it turned on, just to have it placed just in case, is if a uterine rupture happens, you can dose up the epidural and go back to surgery, and they don’t have to put you under anesthesia. It sounds great, right? Cool, yeah. Let’s do that. That sounds great. I don’t want to go under general anesthesia if I have to have a C-section. 

Here’s the problem with that. First of all, going under general anesthesia does carry more risks than having surgery with a spinal or an epidural. It does. That’s just common knowledge. Nobody is going to argue that here. We get that. 

The problem is that in a true emergency, we’re talking about seconds matter. Minutes matter. If you have a catastrophic uterine rupture and baby has to be out now, baby has to be out in minutes or less. They are going to do a splash and dash. They are going to throw the antiseptic, the orange stuff– 

Meagan: Iodine? 

Julie: Iodine. They’re going to throw iodine on your belly, and they’re going to slice you open. Sorry, that was a very not-sensitive way to say that. They’re going to take the baby out as fast as possible once you’re in the OR. They have to knock you out under general anesthesia. There is not enough time to dose an epidural, especially if it’s not ever turned on. But even if it is turned on, it takes 20 minutes or more to get an epidural dose to surgical strength to where you will not feel the incision and the surgery that comes with a C-section. 15-20 minutes at minimum in order to get you dosed to surgical strength. 

If you have an epidural, and it is urgent where minutes matter, you will have to go under general anesthesia no matter what, period. If a C-section is needed, there is time to give you a spinal which takes effect in just a few minutes, 3-4 minutes. It takes some time to get the anesthesiologist in and the OR prepped and things like that, but usually and realistically, if it’s something that’s urgent but not emergent, you can get a baby out in 10-15 minutes without already having an epidural placed. 

Here’s the thing. Placing an epidural is preparing you for surgery, period. If there’s an emergency, you will have to be put under general anesthesia, period. If a C-section is needed, and minutes don’t matter, but we need to get this baby out soon, you can get a spinal, period. So, screw that epidural hospital policy. It’s literally for convenience so you already have an epidural placed so that they can take you back to do a C-section. 

Meagan: Yeah. But again, the epidural just doesn’t get in fast enough even if it’s placed or not. 

Julie: Exactly. 

Meagan: Ugh, I hate it. I hate when it’s like, “I don’t want an epidural, but I’m getting it just in case.” Okay, then going back to this policy that she was just reading, “will not labor at home. If my water breaks, I have to come right in.” 

You guys, if you want to labor at home, do your research. I understand. Always, always– I don’t even care if you are a VBAC or you’re planning an induction or what. Always learn the signs of uterine rupture, always. It’s so important to know. Even though it happens very little, it happens, and we need to know the signs. But, it’s okay to labor at home. Talk to your provider about that. If they are like, “The second you have a contraction, you have to come in,” that is a red flag. 

You guys, they also start monitoring and pushing induction even though your labor has been going. They induce your labor more. They get it going further. What if you’re having prodromal labor, and it’s just going, and then it stops for 5 hours? There are so many things. I’m no provider. I can’t say, “You must labor at home,” or “You should really labor at home,” but really look at these things and understand what could happen if you choose to go in the second your water breaks. 

Let me tell you what happened to me. My water broke. I went straight in. Within an hour, I hadn’t progressed too much, so they started Pitocin. They immediately started Pitocin. They kept cranking it up. My body was struggling. I was struggling. My baby had a couple of decels. They called it. It’s just really, really frustrating. I mean, you guys. 

We have so many comments in this here that I could just read all of them because they say a lot. They say a lot. This is fear-based care. I’m sorry that you’re having to go through this.” “This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” someone said. 

Julie: Seriously. 

Meagan: When it comes to hospital policy, it’s not a law. It’s really not a law. Stand up for yourself. Understand the policies surrounding VBAC. When you are looking for a provider, we cannot stress this enough. Ask them about their policies. If their policy is that you must get that just-in-case epidural, you have to have that baby by 40 weeks or we induce or we schedule a Cesarean, you have to come in the second a contraction starts, if your water breaks, you must come in. You have to come in. They’re making people sign these policies like they are the law. 

Julie: Yeah, like it’s a legal document like you can’t change your mind. That’s what it does. It makes people think they have to agree to things. “I signed the document, so here I go.” 

Meagan: Here I am. I have a written agreement, but they can change. What did it say? What did the very first definition say? It says, “It can be amended, changed, or superseded.” Supersede. 

Julie: Superseded. Yes. But here’s the thing, too. I’m kind of glad when hospitals do this because it shows you all of the red flags. It lines out the red flags, no questions, black and white, red flags laid out for you. Then you know either how to address them before labor, or how to hightail it out of there and find another practice because nothing is worse than getting blindsided during labor by a policy that you don’t agree with and having to advocate to change that during labor.

I would encourage you if your provider doesn’t make you sign a wonky form, then before you even start care with them, find out what their hospital policies are about VBAC. Find out so that you can address them ahead of time. Have your provider sign off on changes to policy that you want, and put it in your medical records so that if you get a different provider on the day that you go into labor, that provider can access your records and see that it has been signed off, or approved, or whatever your changes are that they are going to make to the policy for you and your specific needs. It is okay to ask for that. It is okay to fight for that. It is necessary to fight for that sometimes. 

Obviously, it would be ideal for you to find a birth location whose policies align with the things that you want. Sometimes, somebody might want continuous fetal monitoring. Maybe it makes them feel better mentally. Maybe that’s just their preference, and that’s okay. It’s okay to want that, but it’s not okay to let a system dictate how you want to birth when you want something different. 

Meagan: Yes. Absolutely. It’s also not okay for you to feel cornered or like you’re bad, coerced, or you’re a bad mom because you’re making a decision that goes against a policy. I don’t like that. I do not like that. It’s not okay. I highly suggest going and checking out the show notes and reading more about your birth rights, what they mean, and all of it. 

In part of that little birth rights document pdf, the 65-page document, it talks about down in the first 4 or 5 pages– let’s see. It says, “I have the right to–”, and then it has a whole bunch of things. It says, “To say no and be heard. To have my basic needs be met. To labor in the way that works for me. To birth vaginally. To know all of my options. To change midwives, doctors, and nurses. To not be touched. To ask people to leave. To feed my baby human milk. To leave the hospital or the birth center.” 

You guys, you have rights. You have rights. You are amazing. Use your rights if you are in a corner that feels like they are being taken away or they’re gaslighting you, or coercing you, or whatever it may be. You have rights. Check this document out. I highly suggest it. Talk to your providers. Check out their policies. Dissect the policies. Dissect them. Really break it down. What does that mean? Why is this being put on as a policy?

In one policy that Julie just read, it said that they will not induce, and that VBAC is not applicable to being induced with certain things other than x, y, and z. Okay, if you do the research and you learn about that, that is pretty dang valid. That is understandable. That policy has been put in place for your safety. Okay? 

But there are others that I would say no to. They may be thinking that it’s for your safety, but there is no evidence behind them. Dissect them. Learn them. Learn how to advocate for yourself. Get your team ready. Know it’s not a law, and love yourself because you deserve more. 

Okay. Anything else you’d like to add, Julie?

Julie: No. I love that. Love yourself. Take ownership. Take ownership of your own birth experience. Don’t give it to somebody else. Stand up for yourself. Take ownership. I love what you just said. Love yourself. You deserve to have choices in how you are treated during your birth experience. 

Meagan: Yes, absolutely. Okay, thanks, everybody. 

Closing

Would you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan’s bio, head over to thevbaclink.com. Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link.

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“Getting that VBAC meant everything to me. It helped so much with the trauma of it all.”

At 36 weeks along with her first, Ashley started to have intense carpal tunnel pain. At 38 weeks, it was unbearable. Her provider said that delivery would be the only way to find relief and recommended a 39-week induction. 

Ashley had a difficult labor and pushing experience. Her provider recommended a C-section due to a cervical lip and no progress after just an hour and a half. Ashley consented and felt defeated. She started her VBAC prep the day she got home from the hospital. 

At 29 weeks with her second, Ashley had plans for a beautiful trip to Saint Thomas with her husband and toddler. She began contracting the night before her flight but didn’t think much of it and made it to their gate– while still contracting. As the plane was boarding, she passed a blood clot in the airport. She knew she needed to go to the hospital. 

In spite of many interventions trying to stop labor, Ashley birthed her baby via VBAC just hours later. She later learned that she had a possible placental abruption that wasn’t detected until her doctor examined her placenta after delivery. 

Though Ashley’s postpartum experience was tough balancing life with a newborn in the NICU for 8 weeks while having a toddler at home, the victory of having a VBAC carried her through. 

The power of a positive birth experience is real and worth fighting for!

Pregnancy-Related Carpal Tunnel Article

How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents

Full Transcript under Episode Details 

Meagan: Hello, Women of Strength. It is Meagan with my friend, Ashley. Hello, Ashley. 

Ashley: Hi. 

Meagan: How are you today? 

Ashley: I am good. How are you doing?

Meagan: I am doing great. I’m loving all of the stories we are recording and so excited to hear yours. You have a more unique VBAC in the sense that it was a very premature VBAC. 

Ashley: Mhmm, yep. 

Meagan: Yes. We are going to talk a little bit more about that. You’re going to share information for NICU moms because your baby did go to the NICU. You are a mom of two and a children’s therapist. Can you tell us a little bit more about what you do for work? 

Ashley: Yeah. I work with kids ages 4-18. Right now, I’m Telehealth only. I actually work in Tooele, Utah, but I live in North Carolina. Everything is Telehealth. It happened with COVID. I was out there during COVID. We moved and continued to do Telehealth since I’ve moved. I really only see 10 and up at this point. Yeah. I see a lot of teenagers all through Telehealth and it’s really wonderful that I get to keep that up. 

Meagan: That’s so awesome. That’s awesome that you got to keep doing it, and that you are serving our children. I’m sure that you have lots to say about our children and their mental health that is going on out there, but there is a lot. It is a lot of these kiddos of ours. 

Ashley: Absolutely, yeah. It’s hard and challenging, but it’s also really wonderful and rewarding. I love that I get to do it. 

Meagan: Yeah. Well, thank you so much for all of your hard work out there. 

Ashley: Yeah, absolutely. 

Meagan: We do have a Review of the Week, so I want to get into that, then I really want to turn the time over to share both of these journeys. 

This review is from Sienna. It says, “After having a very hard conversation with my OB where I learned she was in fact not VBAC tolerant or friendly, I texted my best friend through tears pouring down my face and she immediately sent me a text back with The VBAC Link Podcast. Ever since, I have been listening to every episode of the podcast. It is so beyond helpful and inspiring for anyone preparing for a VBAC. I’m due at the September, and have made the goal to listen to every single episode before then. I can’t say enough for what Meagan and Julie are doing for women like me. I can’t wait to rock my VBAC.” 

Oh, I love that review. Thank you so much, Sienna, and I can’t wait for you to have an incredible VBAC. Way to go for realizing that your provider may not be the right provider for you. I think there are so many people who walk through the VBAC journey who think they may have a supportive provider, then at the very last minute, they are having those conversations and realizing, “Oh, shoot. I may not be in the right place.” It is okay to switch and keep interviewing and discussing with your provider. If your provider doesn’t feel like talking to you about your VBAC or says, “You’ve got months to go. We don’t need to talk about that right now,” those might be red flags and things you might want to reconsider. 

Thank you, Sienna, for your review. If you haven’t yet, please leave a review. You can Google us at “The VBAC Link” or you can leave it on the podcast platform that you are listening to us on.  

Okay, Ashley. Thank you again so much for being here with us. 

Ashley: Yeah, absolutely. I’m so happy to be here. I never thought I would be. When I was preparing for my VBAC, I was listening every single day during my walks and I just thought, “Oh, if I get a VBAC, that would be wonderful,” but I never thought I would ever be on the show. It’s crazy and wild to be here. 

Meagan: I love it. The more and more that we record, we learn that it goes full circle. We’re in your ear all pregnancy with all these Women of Strength sharing their stories, inspiring you, building you up, and now, here you are inspiring and building others up as well. 

Ashley: Yeah. Yeah. It’s cool to be here. Do you want me to talk about my first?

Meagan: Yeah. Yeah. Every VBAC starts with a C-section, so let’s start with your C-section story. 

Ashley: Yeah, for sure. For my first birth with my son, it was a pretty easy pregnancy for the most part. There were a couple of hiccups here and there. I had morning sickness in the beginning in the first trimester, but everything else was pretty smooth. 

At 13 weeks, I had a spell where I had a lot of bleeding. That was terrifying. I thought I was miscarrying. I called my provider and panicked. That was just the worst 4 hours of my life because I continuously bleed. They finally got me in for an ultrasound. They checked me and he was just really active and bouncing. They never knew why it happened, but I was fine. 

Meagan: Did they ever say anything about a subchorionic hematoma or anything like that?

Ashley: That kind of sounds familiar, so that could have been it for sure, but I don’t remember. But it stopped. After my ultrasound, the bleeding was done, and everything was fine. It was the weirdest thing, but definitely so scary. Yeah, it was terrifying. 

That was bad, and after that, after the first trimester, my morning sickness went away and everything was good for the most part. 

What happened though, I took birth classes. I took breastfeeding classes. I didn’t do a ton of research. I just took my little birth class, and I thought that was enough. I actually think I skipped the C-section part. I was like, “I’m not going to need that.” I don’t know why I was so weirdly confident that I was going to be able to have a vaginal birth, but it literally was something that I’m like, “I’m good,” and I didn’t put much thought into it. 

I don’t know why I did that. 

Meagan: A lot of people do. It’s not what we want. It’s not what we think is going to happen, so we just push it aside. 

Ashley: Yeah. Yeah. I didn’t do any research at all, so I didn’t need to know about that. I didn’t want it obviously, so yeah. 

Everything was good until about 36 weeks I would say. I started to get carpal tunnel and it just got progressively worse and worse. It was bad. The last month of my pregnancy, it was unbearable. My fingers and wrists were numb 24/7. It was waking me up at night how painful my hands and fingers were. I couldn’t do little things. I couldn’t put a necklace on anymore. I couldn’t put my earrings in because I couldn’t use my fingers. It was so bad, and it was something I didn’t know happened. It was pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel. 

I had so much swelling in my body. That’s what they said it was. My midwife who I had found and really loved, she referred me to PT. I did that. I did wrist braces every night, and nothing helped. I kind of knew that was going to happen just doing some research. They say the only thing that gets rid of it is delivering your baby basically. 

Meagan: Do they know why it really starts? Is it something within the blood flow? Do we know? We don’t know. 

Ashley: I don’t know. My midwife just chalked it up to the swelling. My carpal tunnel was being squeezed by the swelling. I’m pretty petite as is, and then I was carrying so much water and so much weight that I think for me, my body just didn’t respond well. I had the carpal tunnel. 

That was at 36 weeks when it started getting pretty bad. There wasn’t a lot we could do about it. I really didn’t want to have an induction. I didn’t know much about it either. I didn’t do a ton of research, but I knew I didn’t want it. I just knew I wanted it to all go as naturally as possible and for my baby to come on his own timeline. 

By 38 weeks, I was miserable. I was like, “I don’t think I can do this.” I was pretty big and uncomfortable, but that wasn’t the part that was killing me. It was the carpal tunnel. It was bad. 

My provider said that we could do the membrane sweep each week. We did it at 38 weeks. We did it at 39 weeks, and we decided that if nothing happened after my second sweep, we would think about an induction. I was ready. I had to stop working a week before I even wanted to because I couldn’t type anymore. It hurt to type, and I do a lot of assessments with my job where I am typing all of the time, using my mouse and keyboard. It was just awful. 

We did the membrane sweep at 39 weeks and nothing happened. I was curb walking. I was eating the dates. I was doing the things and drinking the tea. Nothing. 

So at 39+5, I got admitted for my induction at 8:00 PM. They did a Foley bulb, then they did the Cervadil I believe. That was all fine. I think they also gave me morphine. I think that’s when they did that to manage pain. I looked at my notes, but it’s kind of hard. Some things aren’t super clear. 

But either way, I got a really bad rash. At the time, they thought it was PUPPS, but looking back, they thought it was a reaction to the morphine. 

Meagan: Oh shoot. 

Ashley: Yeah. I was so horribly itchy. 

Meagan: Yeah, that’s miserable. You’re in pain and itchy. 

Ashley: Yeah, and the carpal tunnel was still active. That was still happening. I don’t remember it being super uncomfortable with the Foley bulb. I was more scared of it. I was more scared than it actually was painful. I was okay. I handled it okay. 

So then my water broke at 2:00 AM I believe. The Foley bulb came out and they started the Pitocin by 8:00 AM I believe because I wasn’t moving enough. I wasn’t dilating enough. My water broke at 2:00 AM. It was in at 8:00 AM. I started an epidural, I think, at 5:00 AM before the Pitocin because I was just in a lot of pain. 

That epidural, though, was done by a resident which I didn’t know at the time. That was one thing I really didn’t want. It wasn’t placed correctly, and I had a ton of breakthrough pain. It was horrible. They actually ended up rethreading that at, I don’t know, 4 hours later. They had to rethread the epidural, remove it, and put it back in by someone else. It was so bad. 

Meagan: You just had all of the things coming at you. 

Ashley: Yeah. I just say everything was botched from the start. It was during COVID. There wasn’t a lot of staff. I felt ignored. There were hours when I didn’t see anybody. The Pitocin wasn’t managed very well either. I feel like they never really increased it. 

Like I said, after they started Pitocin, I didn’t see anybody for 4 hours. It was absolutely horrible. 

Meagan: Wow. So they were just outside watching your strip, and you were doing okay so they were like, “All right, we’ll just leave her.” 

Ashley: I think so. There were no providers. There was barely anybody on staff. I shouldn’t say nobody was on staff. I should say that every single room was booked. They were at capacity, and they were low-staffed. It was just not great. 

I started Pitocin. I finally got to 8 centimeters. I had really, really bad back pain still, and then that was when the epidural was rethreaded or redone. So then it was just waiting for me to progress, but I couldn’t feel anything at that point. I think I was just maxed out on pain stuff on the epidural being rethreaded. I had no control over my body whatsoever. I couldn’t feel my legs. I couldn’t get up and move. It was so awful. I couldn’t feel contractions. I could see it on the monitor, and they would tell me I was having a contraction, but I couldn’t feel anything. 

By 5:00 PM, they told me, “Okay, it’s time to push.” I had no urges to push because I couldn’t feel anything. I started pushing. I remember just being really out of it because of the epidural. That, and I’m sure there was morphine still. I was just out of it. I did not feel good or in control of my body. 

I just remember they told me to push. I was pushing for an hour and a half. Every time, they’d be like, “Okay, it’s time to push.” I would try to push, but I felt like nothing was happening. I couldn’t feel anything. 

Meagan: Yeah.

Ashley: Yeah. I think that was probably the biggest reason why I had a C-section. I blame it on the no feeling and no control of my body. They had me push for an hour and a half, then they said that it wasn’t happening enough. I was at 9.5 centimeters. They could see his head, but they said there was a cervical lip. They told me I wasn’t getting past it is kind of what they said. They said, “You’re not going to be able to get past it.” 

So after an hour and a half, they told me– well, my midwife, and she wasn’t my midwife. She was whoever was on staff. She said, “I think we should talk about different options.” C-section came into it. She didn’t think I was going to get past the cervical lip. I stalled, so they had an OB come in and talk to me. They said, “Let’s bring him in and get his opinion.” 

He said the same thing, “I just don’t think you’re getting past this lip, and I think a C-section is the best course.” Looking back, I’m like, “I pushed for an hour and a half and they never tried to move me.” Given I couldn’t feel my body, they never tried to reposition me. Now, I know that if that had happened, give me some pressure. Help me sit up. Maybe I could put some pressure on it. I know it’s swollen, so putting pressure could have made it worse, but I just think there could have been so much more done that wasn’t done. 

Meagan: Yeah, and sometimes those cervical lips are baby’s head positioning. We’ve been pushing and aggravating the cervix, so rotating and getting the pressure off of the wrong spot and equalizing the pressure, or getting it over can help. Or sometimes that’s what it needs. It’s not the swelling, the cervix is just there, and it hasn’t progressed all the way, so pushing, and pushing, and pushing against that is what causes that swelling. 

Then movement, time, or rest– there are so many things. There are things like Benadryl or things like that and things to help swelling, but that’s unfortunate. They were understaffed, so I bet they were like, “We just have to have this baby.” 

Ashley: I think that’s a lot to do with it. I felt a lot of pressure to just get the C-section. No other interventions were offered. Nobody talked about moving. Nobody talked about letting me rest. Now I know, afterward, when I was prepping with my second birth, I was like, “Yeah, I should rest. Yeah, I should let my body move. Yes, there are things I should do.” I didn’t want an epidural, or I didn’t want one that strong. That was a huge mistake in my eyes. I had an epidural with my second and it was great, but with my first, they just overdosed me. They gave me way too much. 

I went to the OR. I had my baby via C-section. I was so out of it. They gave me more pain meds back there because they were going to cut me open, then I couldn’t feel my arms when I pulled my son out. They kept trying to hand him to me, and I could not move my arms. I was like, “Please stop.” It was so traumatic because I couldn’t hold him, and they kept trying to give him to me. 

Everything was a blur for a while. I woke up in the recovery room. I didn’t get to hold my baby for 2 hours after he was born just because I was so out of it. Then I got to hold him eventually. We were back in my room. I was there for a couple of days. Yeah. Recovering from that emotionally and physically was so hard. I didn’t prep for it. I didn’t expect it, and looking back, I was angry that it went the way it went. I feel like it didn’t have to. 

He ended up being 9lbs, 1oz. His head was in the 97th percentile. He had a massive head, and he was a big baby, but I do think things could have gone a lot differently. 

Meagan: Did he have any swelling on any part of his head that would have indicated things like asyncliticism or a bruise or anything on his head from pushing?

Ashley: No, but he had a cone head. He had a very– 

Meagan: Okay, so he was coning and getting caput. Okay. 

Ashley: That’s it, yeah. 

Meagan: Okay. I was just wondering if there was anything specific to a positional thing, but it might have just been that your cervix wasn’t fully progressed before you started pushing. 

Ashley: Yeah, I think that had a lot to do with it. When you think about it, I was admitted at 8:00 PM. He was born at 8:00 PM. It was 24 hours and I was on my back the whole time. I was not being moved. I was not being repositioned. Like I said, there was not a lot of staff around. I was ignored. I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know what I should or should not be doing. I didn’t know that I should be moving. I think that had a lot to do with it, a lack of moving around and I was just on my back. 

Meagan: Yeah. Yeah. 

So had him and did you immediately know you wanted a different experience or were you just such in shock with everything that you couldn’t even process that? 

Ashley: I knew I wanted a different experience. I remember being in my bed the day we brought my day home in the bassinet, and I remember being on Instagram just looking up C-section groups and support. That’s when VBAC came to mind. I was like, okay. I can have a VBAC. I can do it differently next time. 

We only wanted two kids, so I knew that was my chance. For my second pregnancy, I really had to dedicate myself to how my body would allow, but that was so important to me right away, to have a VBAC. 

Meagan: Yeah. Did you immediately find a lot of resources? 

Ashley: I did. I believe that’s when I started following The VBAC Link. I believe that’s when it happened. There were some other C-section mama groups and stuff that I followed. That was really helpful. I would read people’s comments and it brought me so much relief to know other people had experiences like mine and the way I was feeling was normal. That was super helpful. 

Meagan: Yeah. There’s something about having that community behind you, validating you, helping you feel like you’re not alone in this world going through this, you’re not alone in this world wanting something different. A lot of people will say, “Why can’t you just be grateful? Why are you trying to figure out a new pregnancy and birth when you’re not even pregnant? You just got this beautiful newborn.” It’s not that I don’t love my newborn, and I don’t want this time with my newborn, but I’m starting my journey now to have a different experience. It’s okay that I didn’t like my experience. I still love my baby. 

Ashley: Yeah. That was what I heard a lot. I heard, “At least your baby is here and they’re healthy.” I know that was just well-intentioned, but yeah. That was really traumatic. My baby is here. My baby was healthy, and it was wonderful that he was born happy and healthy, but I didn’t feel right about it. I felt like I didn’t have control. I felt like I didn’t have a choice. I felt really pressured, and I didn’t have the birth that I expected to have. That was just really, really difficult. 

Meagan: Yeah. You also went through a lot between the reaction, but then also with carpal tunnel. You were restricted to even move your fingers, then in your birth, you couldn’t even move your arms. It went heavier. My spinal also went higher with my second up into my lungs and into my arms. I remember feeling that panicked feeling just laying there. Everyone was doing their thing and I was like, “Oh, is this going to stop? How am I going to hold my baby?” and all of those feelings. 

Ashley: Yeah. 

Meagan: Well, okay. So you had this precious baby. You decided you wanted a different experience and how did that experience start? 

Ashley: Yeah. The second time around, I should say with my first that it took us a while to get pregnant. It took us 13 months. I was thinking– I don’t know why it took so long. We were really trying. I was thinking that maybe that would happen again. I was mentally preparing for that. We had been trying for a couple of months. 

We moved. Right when we started trying was when we moved another state to North Carolina. I needed to find a provider. After getting settled for a couple months and had been trying for a couple of months, I found a provider who had really great reviews. I thought, this is great. I got in with her. That was really just to first get checked up, and then second, to have a plan for if we can’t get pregnant in the next couple of months, what should we do? 

I was thinking about that one medication you can take that releases more eggs. I wanted to ask about that because almost 35 and I wanted to be on top of it. I met with her. She was really nice, but immediately, she didn’t read my chart. She didn’t know about my first birth. I had to tell her about it and give her that information. 

After I explained what happened, she basically said that it sounded like it was an anatomy thing for me. One, it was anatomy. I said right away, “I want a VBAC. This is my goal, absolutely.” After I told her my story, she said, “Well, that sounds like anatomy. When it’s that, you’re more likely to have a repeat C-section.” She was like, “I’ll let you try, but the odds are that you’re probably going to have a C-section.” 

I felt so defeated when I left that appointment. I kind of just accepted it and thought, okay. That’s probably what’s going to happen. She’s the expert. She’s got great reviews. She must know. 

I left that appointment and again, did some research, and I started seeing that it was not really true. You still can have a VBAC. What she was telling me was not true. I needed to find a different provider. That’s what that meant.

I just left it at that and waited. The next month, we got pregnant which was amazing. It only took us 5 months that time which I wasn’t expecting. It was super exciting. I did research for VBAC-friendly providers. I found the most wonderful doctor. Her practice is pretty much all women doctors and midwives. They’re all VBAC-supportive. 

When I met with my doctor, she said, “That’s what I prefer. 100%, I prefer to do a VBAC. I think it’s safer. I would much rather do that than a repeat C-section.” She was very gung-ho and it was great. As soon as we met, she already knew my chart. She read my previous birth. That was super refreshing. I didn’t have to tell her anything and she had a plan for me. She said, “If you want a VBAC, this is going to be the plan. We’re going to do everything we can to avoid any type of induction and intervention. That’s what we want to do.” 

About the carpal tunnel, it was likely to come back because it was about my body, and it was more my body and my anatomy, and how I handle swelling. The carpal tunnel was likely to happen again, but the problem was the first time around, I got induced because of carpal tunnel. If this comes back, what are we going to do? 

She started me on a baby aspirin right away. That was more because I ended up having preeclampsia after I gave birth. 

Meagan: Postpartum-eclampsia. 

Ashley: Yes, yep. That didn’t didn’t affect me that much, but yeah. She said, “We want to prevent that, so at 10 weeks, I want you taking baby aspirin.” She said, “If carpal tunnel comes back, I think we should do steroid shots and that should be able to help with the pain. It will help you manage the pain, so we can get to birth without induction or interventions.” Right there, I felt so much relief because that was the reason induction happened the first time around, but I also was a little angry because I was like, why didn’t my first midwife ever talk about that? It was never brought up. It was only PT. I don’t know why that way, but again if I would have had that, I think I could have had a much better pregnancy the first time around. 

Meagan: Yeah, and gone through a lot less pain. 

Ashley: More manageable. 

Yeah, so I left that appointment feeling really good. I found this wonderful provider, and things were going to go differently this time around. I asked about this time if my baby was bigger, and she said, “No, it’s not about weight. It’s not about how big your baby is. It’s about the way the head is positioned and the way the head is coming out. Big babies can be delivered vaginally.” She just said all of the right things. 

Meagan: Yes. Yes. When you were first telling me the story from the other provider who you met, I was shaking my head. With this one, I’m throwing my hands up like yes, yes, yes. 

Ashley: Yeah, that’s how I felt. She was wonderful. That was such a relief. It was everything for me. 

I left that and right away started prep for a VBAC. I already exercised lightly every day, but I started exercising. I made that a priority. I did my 2-mile walk every day. I was drinking the red raspberry leaf tea. I was meeting with the chiropractor. I met with a doula and interviewed a doula. I got that set up. 

Yeah, everything was pretty smooth. I had horrible morning sickness. This was worse this time around with my second pregnancy. I got horrible pregnancy acne. I had never had acne in my life, and then during my pregnancy, it was just horrible. 

That’s the worst. Everything else was smooth sailing. 

Meagan: Interesting. I wonder why. 

Ashley: I don’t know. I thought for sure I was having a girl because I never had it with my first pregnancy, so I was like, maybe I’m having a girl this time around. And my morning sickness was worse, so with my pregnancy being so different this time around, I thought it must be a girl, but it wasn’t. It was another boy. 

Meagan: It was?

Ashley: Yeah, yeah. 

Meagan: Maybe the testosterone. I sometimes get testosterone acne. Maybe it was the testosterone. Maybe this baby had extra testosterone creating acne or something. 

Ashley: Yep, perhaps. I was just so convinced that I did everything. I bought baby girl clothes and all of that.

Meagan: You were convinced. 

Ashley: Yeah, when I found out it was a boy, I was shocked. 

Everything was good though for the most part. There were no big issues once we got through the first trimester. 

What kind of happened was, I had never truly felt contractions before because with my first, I already had an epidural when I started to have contractions. I didn’t know what they would feel like. I was exactly 28 weeks. I went to the bathroom and there was mucus. 

I didn’t know. It was a lot. I ended up looking it up a lot and it looked like my mucus plug from what I saw. I had a doctor appointment the next day and after reading a bunch of things online, people didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. They grow back and sometimes that happens, so I wasn’t freaking out at all about that. 

I saw my doctor the next day, and she said that it was okay. It probably was just part of my mucus plug. She didn’t seem very concerned. 

The next week, I was leaving for St. Thomas on our last vacation as a family of three. It was very important to me. I wanted to go to the beach with my toddler and have uninterrupted time with him before my baby came. This was in March. My baby was coming at the end of May, so I was going to be 29 weeks. It’s a good time to travel I thought. We would get this great beach vacation with my toddler. 

I was cleared to travel. Everything was fine, and then the Monday when I was 28 weeks and 6 days, that night was horrible. I had so much pressure and I was tossing and turning all night. I just kept thinking I had to pee. I kept getting up, trying to go to the bathroom, and coming back to bed, but there was a lot of pressure. 

I didn’t think much of it, and I just knew I didn’t get good sleep. The next day was a Tuesday. All day long, I was having tightening on my stomach and pressure, but it wasn’t consistent. I feel like it was every 20 minutes to every 40 minutes. I would feel a little bit of pain. It wasn’t really bad though. I wouldn’t even call it pain. I would call it discomfort. 

I looked it up online. I was exactly 29 weeks at that point. I saw Braxton Hicks, and I was like, “That’s it. I’m just having Braxton Hicks.” It didn’t happen with my first, so I didn’t even know the difference. I was fine. I just went about my day. We were packing for vacation. We were leaving the next day. That night, that Tuesday night, we went to bed by 11:00 PM. We had to wake up at 5:00 AM for the airport. 

That night was excruciating. I could not sleep. I was in pain. I was having contractions every 10 or so minutes and tossing and turning. There was lots of pressure. I woke my husband up at 2:00 AM and we started talking about, “Should I go to the hospital?” I was like, “No, I think it’s Braxton Hicks. I think it will go away,” which is crazy now that I look back. It was really painful, and I was really trying to–

Meagan: Talk it down to Braxton Hicks, and you’re early. You don’t want to think about it. 

Ashley: Yeah, I was 29 weeks. There was no way. Again, it did not cross my mind that it was actually real contractions because I was so early. 

Yeah, then there was a huge degree of denial going on. There was gigantic denial because I just wanted that vacation so badly. Not that I wanted a vacation, but I wanted that time with my son on the beach. We had been talking about it, so I just wanted to make it happen. 

At 2:00 AM, I woke him up. We talked about it. I was just like, “Okay. I’m going to get a heating pad and put it on my belly. I’ll just lay here and hopefully that will kill the pain.” I took some Tylenol as well, and it didn’t do anything. 

By 4:00 AM, I was like, “I’m getting in that hot bathtub, and I’m just hoping that stops this.” I was in the bathtub, which again, should have been my sign that you should leave for the hospital if you have to get into the bathtub and use the heating pad. If all of this stuff was happening, I should have gone in. 

By 5:00 AM, I was up. We were loading the car, and we were off to the airport. The whole time I was walking into the airport, I was stopping myself in my tracks to have a contraction. 

Meagan: Oh my goodness. 

Ashley: I was walking through the airport stopping, catching my breath, then I’d keep walking. It is absolutely wild that I got that far. It was a far walk to our gate. I was doing that a lot, and finally, we got to the gate. We were waiting to board. We were 5 minutes from boarding. People are actively boarding the plane. We are waiting to board last. I was like, “I’m just waiting to go to bathroom.” I go to the bathroom, and that’s when I passed a quarter-sized blood clot. I had light bleeding on top of that. 

I came back, and I looked at my husband and said, “I can’t get on that plane. I have to go to the hospital,” but I said, “You guys get on the plane, you and our son. Get on the airplane, and I will drive myself.” We had our car there. I was like, “I’m going to go to the hospital, and I’ll just rebook my flight for tomorrow. I’ll come out and meet you guys in St. Thomas.” 

Meagan: Oh my gosh. 

Ashley: We debated that. My husband went back and forth for a couple of minutes. He was like, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I was like, “No, it’s fine. They’re going to check me out and release me. I’ll meet you guys tomorrow.” 

Thank God he was like, “No. Let’s not do that.” 

Meagan: Yeah, seriously. 

Ashley: I still just thought everything was fine. I really thought that. I wanted to go so badly. We ended up that they had to get all of our baggage off of the plane. The crew was really annoyed with us, but so be it. 

Meagan: Whatever. 

Ashley: Yeah. We held up the flight a little bit for sure, and then I couldn’t even at that point walk back to the car. We called a wheelchair. Someone came and wheeled me out to our car. 

The hospital was only 20 minutes from the airport which was great. We got to the valet and we couldn’t bring my son in, so while my husband talked to the front desk, I waited in the car with my son. They said that my son couldn’t come into triage, so me and my husband obviously couldn’t leave him in the car. I just walked myself into the hospital. I got seen by triage, and right away, they took me back to the room. 

I said I was having contractions. They were monitoring me, and they were like, “It doesn’t really look like contractions.” I was like, “Okay, well something is happening. I’m in a lot of pain.” They put the monitor on me and didn’t see anything. 

Then they admitted me to one of the rooms in triage. They really wanted to check me, but I was not having that. I did not want to be checked. They really wanted me to go home. They ended up giving me an ultrasound, and everything came back normal with baby which was great, but they were like, “We don’t understand why you’re in so much pain,” because they still weren’t seeing contractions. 

They ended up seeing them on the monitor, and the doctor said, “I have to check you.” At this point, it was 11:00 AM. 

Meagan: I have to check you. 

Ashley: Yeah. She said, “We have to. We don’t know what’s going on with your body. You’re in a lot of pain, so we won’t know unless we check you.” She was really kind about it. I didn’t feel pressured because I had already turned it down. They had asked me and asked me, but they were like, “We don’t know what’s happening. We have to know where you’re at.” 

She checked me and when she was done, she looked at me and said, “You’re at 3.5 centimeters.” I just burst into tears because at that point, I knew that it was not good. I was too far dilated for 29 weeks.

She said, “You’re not going to leave tonight. You’re not leaving until you deliver basically because you’re dilated. We have to keep you until your due date.” My due date was 11 weeks away.

That was the hardest part because I knew I wouldn’t see my toddler until I gave birth. That was horrible. That’s what I cared about at that point. Obviously, I cared that my baby was healthy, but it was excruciating to think about that. 

Meagan: Mhmm. 

Ashley: They admitted me right away. They took me to Labor and Delivery. I told my husband because he took my toddler home. I told him, “They’re keeping me.” He came back to the hospital. At that point, the plan was just to stall labor as much as possible. Let’s get as far to your due date as possible. 

They did the magnesium drip immediately. They gave me steroid shots to help strengthen my baby’s lungs. They gave me one oral medication. I can’t remember what it was called, but it was supposed to help stall labor. 

That was all started and up and running by 1:00 PM. By 4:00, my water broke. With all of the interventions, my water still broke at 4:00 PM, and baby was coming. 

My water broke by 4:30, and then I was pretty much having contractions from that point on. They were pretty consistent and pretty painful. 

At 3:00 AM, they really started to ramp up. They were 3-5 minutes apart. They were really painful. At that point, I asked for an epidural. I was really clear that I needed it to be the lightest possible epidural. I talked about my past experience and how awful it was. I was going to try to not do an epidural, but the contractions were so intense that I was like, “I don’t think I’m going to be able to push because I’m in so much pain. I can’t imagine pushing through these contractions.” 

I had a great anesthesiologist who came in. He listened to me. He was absolutely wonderful, and he knew his stuff. He gave me the lowest possible dose just so I would be able to take the edge off of pushing. I could feel everything. 

That was in place by 4:20. I was complete before they did the epidural. I said that I would sit really still but to please give me the epidural. They did. I pushed for a couple of times, and he was born at 5:00 AM. I got to hold him. 

My husband got to cut his umbilical cord, and then I got to hold him for 30 seconds, then they had to take him up to the NICU. 

Meagan: Wow. Wow, wow, wow. What a change of plans dramatically, so dramatically. So once baby came out and went to the NICU, what were the next steps for you and baby? You got your amazing VBAC, but also, if I could ask, did VBAC matter at that point? Were you happy that you got a VBAC but your gears changed again to my baby is in the NICU? Tell us about that quick shift of events and what it entailed mentally. 

Ashley: Yeah. That relief of getting my VBAC was still so important to me. I did not want to have a C-section. I still didn’t. That was still top on my mind. I was really scared when I started pushing. I kept having that fear that he was not coming out and they were going to make me have a C-section. 

The fact that he came out when he did, I felt relieved. That feeling of being able to actually give birth vaginally was such a great relief. It was amazing. 

Meagan: Yes. 

Ashley: But yes. I was very, very happy about that. The recovery was so much easier. He was born at 5:00 AM. By 8:00 AM, I was standing and using the bathroom. I was fine. I felt wonderful. Even with him going to the NICU, he was healthy. I knew that right away. 

That helped a ton, but I feel like the trauma was lessened because I got my VBAC. I can’t even imagine what hell it would have been for me if I had a C-section. 

Meagan: Good. 

Ashley: He was perfectly healthy, other than being a premature baby. They didn’t have any concerns at all at the beginning. He just needed oxygen basically, and he needed to be in the NICU under supervision and watched. He was 3,3 when he was born, so he was pretty tiny. 

Meagan: Teeny tiny. 

Ashley: Yeah. Even with that, it’s surprising how painful that was. I thought because he was a smaller baby, it would not be as painful, but it was very painful. It was still worth it and amazing. The pain was all worth it. 

Yeah. Getting that VBAC meant everything to me. It helped so much with the trauma of it all. It was one thing I got to control in a situation where I couldn’t. There was so much out of my control. 

Meagan: Yeah. It was the one thing that you had planned, prepped for, and saw happening when everything else– you should have been on the beach hanging out with your family. All of those things that you saw happening didn’t happen, so to have that one thing happen, I’m sure felt amazing. 

Ashley: Mhmm, yeah. For sure. On that note, every single doctor we saw and nurse who came into our room was like, “Thank God you didn’t get on that plane.” Everybody knew that story knew that we were supposed to literally be boarding a plane when I was actually at the hospital. I almost did. I almost did. It’s wild. Yeah. 

Meagan: It is wild. Was there any indicator why you were having the blood clot in the airport and why you were having the bleeding? 

Ashley: So not until I delivered my baby and then I delivered the placenta, and the neonatal surgeon took my placenta and looked at it, and at that point, he said it looked like placental abruption. He found a 2.5-inch blood clot in my placenta, so he thinks that’s why I went into preterm labor. 

After I learned that, I looked it up and realized that it can be deadly to my baby. It can be deadly to the mother as well. That helped with the trauma of it all to wrap my head around it and to think that if I had gone longer, something so drastic like that could have happened to myself or my baby. At that point, I was definitely thankful that I had a preterm labor because that’s what brought me a healthy baby.

Meagan: Yeah, wow. They didn’t even discover it until after. 

Ashley: Yeah. They had no idea. I don’t know if you typically see it in an ultrasound. I had a normal ultrasound at 20 weeks, and then they had one when I got triaged. They didn’t see anything, but the surgeon who looked at my placenta said that’s what it was. 

Meagan: Wow. 

Ashley: I’m so thankful. I really am. Being able to have that information helped me process it all and feel better about what happened. 

Meagan: I’m sure it offered some validation and took out a little bit of the why. Why did this happen? Why am I 11 weeks early? 

Ashley: Yeah. They sent the placenta off for, what’s the word? 

Meagan: Testing? 

Ashley: Yeah, they sent it off for an autopsy. It came back inconclusive and the doctor said that can happen with placenta abruption too so that was inconclusive, but again, the surgeon said that’s what he thought it was, so I’m going to accept that and be so thankful that my baby is here. When I think about what could have happened if I would have waited or if my pregnancy would have continued to progress, I really feel so lucky that it actually happened. That helped. 

Meagan: You know what? It just confirms to me how amazing our bodies are. When something happens outside of the norm, it responds. It’s like, “Okay. This is happening. Now my job is to get this baby out.” How incredible is that? It’s just crazy. 

Ashley: Yeah. With all of the interventions, he was coming. I just say that he’s a smart guy. He knew he needed to get out. He knew he needed to vacate, and he did. I’m just so happy for that. 

Meagan: Good. I’m so glad too. 

So then, having a NICU baby, how long did he stay in the NICU?

Ashley: They anticipated 11 weeks which would have been his due date. He ended up getting out at 8. He was there for 8 weeks. He was 37 weeks when he was released which was surprising. He did wonderfully, so that was just so great that he got out when he did a couple of weeks early. 

But yeah, 8 weeks in the NICU. It was a long time. 

Meagan: That’s a very, very long time. Do you have any tips for parents who may have a NICU baby in the future or anything like that? 

Ashley: Yeah. I think the biggest thing for me, the first couple of weeks, we went every single day, but we didn’t put a ton of pressure on ourselves to stay for too long. At that point, he really just needed his rest, and he didn’t need to be stimulated by us at all. They didn’t want him to be stimulated. They gave us a couple of hours which was great, but I really let go of the guilt of being there 24/7. There were parents I saw who were there 24/7, and I would compare myself and feel guilty that I wasn’t doing the same. I also had a toddler at home. 

That was a big thing. In the beginning, he didn’t really need me to be there. He needed his rest. That’s one thing. Give yourself a lot of grace, and do what you need to do. Your baby is getting taken care of under the best supervision. We had the best doctors and nurses. We didn’t need to feel guilty about that. 

The other thing I didn’t know until a couple of weeks before I was discharged is that we could request a lead nurse. That made a huge difference too because every day, we had a different nurse, a night nurse, a different daytime nurse, and different weekend nurses. We found out from another parent that if we liked a nurse, we could request a nurse to be with our baby every single shift they had. 

Meagan: That’s awesome. 

Ashley: Yeah. When we learned that, we got to request nurses that we loved, and it was night and day. They obviously only worked three shifts a week, both of the nurses we requested, but I knew the days that they worked, and I felt so much relief because I knew that they knew my baby, and I knew how they took care of my baby. 

Meagan: Yeah. That actually sounds like it would be so amazing because you do. You can be cycling through quite a few people in those 8 weeks, so to have that familiar face and that relationship that you can get established, I’m sure meant amazing things for you guys. 

Ashley: Mhmm, yeah. Absolutely. That’s a tip I wish I would have known sooner. I really think it helped him progress too. I think people had said that having that consistent provider would be really helpful for the baby, and I really think it was. 

So there’s that, but I think I read a lot of support groups. Again, I was in them and reading different comments. Again, I think just relying on other people. We had a friend whose baby was in the NICU, and she was wonderful. They were wonderful. Again, I think it’s just finding support, and everybody said it feels horrible in the moment, but it’s going to be a blip in this story. It’s just going to be a blip. It was so hard to actually believe that, but now, it’s like, yeah. It went by so quickly. Now he’s here. He’s perfect. Yeah. 

Meagan: It was all worth it. 

Ashley: It was all worth it, and I got my VBAC. It was not exactly how I wanted it, but I got it. 

Meagan: Yeah. You know, we’ve talked about it on this show where even when we get a VBAC, sometimes it’s not the ideal birth or the ideal scenario or situation or even experience that we wanted. In the end, sometimes people are like, “I actually don’t know if I would have chosen the VBAC,” but most of the time people are like, “It was definitely not what I expected, but I’m still happy with the outcome.” 

Ashley: Mhmm, absolutely. It made me want to have another baby. I’ve heard that on this podcast. In order to have another VBAC or to have that vaginal delivery, it was just wonderful. 

Meagan: Yeah, it’s funny because I had my VBAC, and it was a really long labor. I’m like, “Okay. I want to do that again, but faster.” 

Ashley: Yeah. 

Meagan: Yeah. Maybe someday I’ll have another one. I think we’re done, but yes. Such great info that you’ve shared and such a beautiful story. I’m so glad that he is okay, and that you did not get on that plane and all is well. 

I was thinking about inflammation during pregnancy and how sometimes people can react differently. I wanted to learn more. I just looked it up really quickly about carpal tunnel affecting during pregnancy. I was shocked. This is quick research, so I don’t know the deep, deep depths of studies around this, but it says that it occurs when the median nerve in the wrist is compressed causing pain, numbness, and tingling in the hand, and it’s actually common during pregnancy. I didn’t think it was as common, but it says it affect about 60% of women during pregnancy. 

Ashley: That’s wild because I’ve only met a handful, not even a handful– I know other people. I was pregnant at the same time as a long of friends, and only two people that I know who I had talked to had experienced that. I had never met anybody else who said they had carpal tunnel. I’m sure to degrees, sure. Probably maybe mild carpal tunnel is 60% and maybe that severe is not as common. 

Meagan: Yeah. I’m not digging deep in because I wanted to see what it is affecting. It does say that the hormones can cause you to retain fluid, which can soften the ligaments and forms the roof of the tunnel and inflammation which also brought me down to Omega-3s. I don’t know if anyone ever talked to you about Omega-3s, but Omega-3s can help because fatty acids can reduce inflammation. I struggle with inflammation just from daily activities in my joints with working out and lifting and these things. I take Needed’s Omega-3’s. I thought that was interesting, too. I wonder if you’ve struggled with some form or severity of carpal tunnel and inflammation and things like that or things swelling around the joints causing pressure and pain if Omega-3’s can help. 

It’s worth asking your provider, right? 

Ashley: Yeah, for sure. 

Meagan: I know. It just seems so crazy and like such a high number. 

But obviously, it happens. There are things that you can do. Sometimes it just gets so severe like in your case that you just needed to have a baby to be done with that. 

Well, thank you so much again for sharing your stories with us today, and congrats on your VBAC. 

Ashley: Thank you so much. I am so appreciative of this podcast. Literally, everything I learned about what to avoid and what to do, I got it all from The VBAC Link, so I appreciate it so much. I really think it’s the driving force in me getting to have a VBAC. 

Meagan: Oh, that makes me so happy. Listen, Women of Strength, if you are still listening and you have recorded your story, listen to just how impactful your stories have been and the things that we share because each of these stories has nuggets of information and education along the way in addition to what we share within the podcast and the blog and on our social media. 

And here you are. You are just going to help someone else out there get the information and the motivation to go out and do it. Also, a reminder to not get on the plane if we are having symptoms like that. 

Ashley: Yeah. 

Meagan: Don’t even consider it, and don’t send your husband and your son. 

Ashley: Yes, thank God. 

Meagan: Okay, thank you so much. 

Ashley: Thank you. 

Closing

Would you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan’s bio, head over to thevbaclink.com. Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link.

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Anni is a mom of two young girls living in Okinawa, Japan where her husband is stationed with the Marine Corps. In addition to her work as a non-profit grant writer, she volunteers with the Military Birth Resource Network and Postpartum Coalition and hosts their podcast, Military Birth Talk. 

A big challenge for military parents is creating care plans for older children during birth. They often live far away from family or have recently moved and don’t have a village yet. Anni’s care plan was shaken up as her induction kept getting pushed back and conflicted with her family’s travels.

Though her plans changed, Anni was able to go into spontaneous labor and avoid the induction she didn’t really want! Her VBAC was powerful and all went smoothly. She was amazed at the difference in her recovery. 

Another fun part of Anni’s episode– she connected and met up with two other VBAC mamas living in Okinawa through our VBAC Link Facebook Community! We love hearing how TVL has helped you build virtual and in-person villages. 

Military Birth Resource Network and Postpartum Coalition

How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents

Full Transcript under Episode Details 

Meagan: Hello, everybody. You are listening to The VBAC Link, and I am with my friend, Anni, today sharing her stories. Anni is one of our military mamas. This is the final episode of the week of military episodes. So even though it is a little bit after Veteran’s Day, that’s okay. We are celebrating our military mamas today. 

Welcome to the show, Anni. 

Anni: Thank you so much. I’m so excited to be here this week. 

Meagan: Me too. I also can’t believe that you are here right now. We were just chatting before the podcast about time. You guys, it is 4:50 AM where she is at. I just can’t even believe it. You’re in Japan. 

Anni: Yeah. We live in Okinawa, so I’ve got to do stuff at weird times if I want to stay in touch with anybody in the States. It’s the military thing. 

Meagan: Oh my goodness. Yes. She is in Japan. She is a mom of two young girls and like she said, she is living in Okinawa, Japan where her husband is stationed with the Marine Corps. Her personal values are community, joy, purpose, and creativity which all drive how she spends her time. In addition to her work as a non-profit grant writer, she also volunteers with the Military Birth Resource Network and hosts their podcast, Military Birth Talk. 

So mamas, if you are a military mom, and I’m sure a lot of people are flocking to these episodes this week, go listen to Military Birth Talk. Can you tell us a little bit more about Military Birth Talk? 

Anni: Yeah. So as you said, it’s a part of the non-profit Military Birth Resource Network and Postpartum Coalition, so MBRNPC for short. That’s an organization that provides resources for military families who are in the perinatal stage of life, so if you’ve just moved to a new duty station and you’re like, “Oh, I need a doula who’s covered by Tricare,” you can go to their website and reach out to one of their chapter leaders. They provide that kind of resource. Also, there is sort of an advocacy wing of the organization that works on policy changes impacting military families. 

This is our podcast, Military Birth Talk. Right now, we’re featuring mostly just military birth stories, but we’re in our third season and this season, we’re going to be adding some additional episodes like policy conversations, interviews with experts, and that kind of thing. 

So, as you said, if you’re a military-affiliated person listening and you want to hear some firsthand accounts of what it’s like to give birth within the military healthcare system, we’d love for you to tune in. 

Meagan: I love it. Thank you so much for doing that and explaining more. 

Anni: Yeah. 

Meagan: I just can’t wait for you to share your stories. I do have a Review of the Week, and then we’ll jump right in. 

Today’s review is by RiverW88. It says, “Gives me hope.” It says, “As a mama who had an unnecessary Cesarean and a poorly planned VBAC attempt that failed and resulted in a Cesarean, listening to these stories and information gives me hope for the future. Not only do I hope to have a third baby and a successful VBAC, but as a doula and an experienced birth photographer, I cannot wait to support other women through their VBAC journeys. I look forward to sending my clients to your website and podcast, and not too far in the future, take your VBAC doula course for myself. I love the way you present facts and inform while giving mamas a platform to share positive stories about a topic that is so scary for so many people thanks to the lack of education out there.” 

Oh my goodness, that is so true. There is such a lack of education out there and that is why we created the VBAC course that we did and the VBAC doula certification course. So, if you are a parent looking to up your game for VBAC, or if you are looking as a doula to learn more about supporting clients who are wanting a VBAC, definitely check us out at thevbaclink.com.

Okay, Anni. Let’s jump in. 

Anni: All right. So I am excited to share two birth stories. I’ll focus mostly on my VBAC since that’s why we are all here, but I’ll give a little bit of context about my first birth. It was pretty routine honestly. I had a breech baby, and there were no breech vaginal birth providers in my area at the time, so that’s the spark notes version. 

But to give a little bit more context, at the time, we were stationed in North Carolina in Newburn, North Carolina. There are a few providers out there, but not a ton. It’s sort of remote-ish, but because my husband is in the Marine Corps, we were a little bit limited. I actually was on Tricare Select at the time, so for those of you listening out there who aren’t familiar with military healthcare, as a spouse, you can be on Tricare Select which is where you get to choose your own provider. You don’t have to be seen by the military healthcare system. You pay a little bit extra. Or, you can be on Tricare Prime which is completely free, but you have to be seen within the military network. 

I was on Select at the time, so I was paying a little bit extra to choose my own provider which is kind of funny because there was really only one provider in that town anyway. This is one of the reasons why flash forward to a few years later, I wanted to be a part of the Military Birth Talk podcast because we often as military families get a lot of advice that doesn’t really fit our life. One of those pieces of advice is to pick your own provider. Do whatever you can to pick your own provider. Sometimes, that’s just not possible. That’s just not true for military families, right? It can be true for a number of reasons, but it’s very true for military families, so choosing my own provider was not really that possible given where we were located. 

That didn’t really come into play until the end when I found out that our baby was breech. Generally, the pregnancy was great. It was a really empowering, positive experience for me. I loved learning about birth. I really hadn’t been involved at all in the “birth world” until I became pregnant, then I totally immersed myself. 

I was super excited to give birth. I was super excited for all of the little quirky things like going into labor and my water breaking, seeing my mucus plug come out, and all of the birth nerd things that I had heard people talk about on all of the podcasts like this one that I had been listening to throughout my pregnancy. 

It was a pretty routine, positive pregnancy. About halfway through, we found out that we would be moving to Kansas at about 6 weeks postpartum. This is another one of those military things that people would say, “Oh, enjoy nesting and have a really quiet, peaceful postpartum.” I was like, “Okay, that goes out the window. Our house will be packed up by the time the baby is born,” because with the military, you have to send stuff super early. There was no nesting, no quiet postpartum period. There was a cross-country drive at 6 weeks postpartum. 

That was my first wake-up call around how birthing within the military community can be unique. Up until then, because I was on Tricare Select, I was like, “Oh, I’m not really a part of this military thing when it comes to my healthcare.” That started to shift around then. 

Then around 36 weeks, we got a scan and found out that the baby was breech. I was so upset. I had just spent the whole pregnancy looking forward to this experience that I now wasn’t going to have. It felt like I had been studying for a test or preparing for a final exam that now I wasn’t going to get to take. That’s obviously not true at all, but emotionally, that’s how it had felt. I had gotten so excited about the possibility of seeing what my body could do. 

It almost felt like I had a sports car and now I was going to be forced to drive it in automatic or something. It just felt like I wasn’t getting a chance to experience this thing that I had gotten so excited about. We were really upset, and my husband was too because he had gotten really excited about being able to support me in labor and all of those things. 

We decided not to do an ECV. I’m sure your listeners all know what that is. Partially, it was because I wasn’t a great candidate for it. My placenta was anterior, so that increased the possibility of an emergency outcome. I had a high volume of amniotic fluid, so that also decreases the chances of success, and the position that the baby was in, she was completely breech. She wasn’t transverse. She was totally in the wrong position. 

We were like, “I think we’re not great candidates. Let’s not do it.” We just booked the C-section. 

The C-section was fine. It wasn’t traumatic, but especially now having had my VBAC and being able to compare the two, it wasn’t a great day. I had surgery, anesthesia, and felt nauseous all day, I couldn’t really hold the baby until 9:00 that night. The silver lining of that, I would say, is that my husband got to spend the whole day holding the baby because I didn’t really feel well. I think that was really special for him after having 9 months of this abstract idea of a baby, and now he got to spend that day with her. I look back fondly on that aspect of it, but otherwise, it was surgery. 

The recovery was fine. I thought it was, at that point, again, now having had the VBAC and knowing the difference, not really that bad. It was a week and a few days of significant pain, and then after that, it was not too terrible. But again, just not the birth experience that I had hoped for. 

Then after that, I was not one of those people who was immediately gung-ho about having a VBAC. I think I was a little– I felt so disappointed that I didn’t really want to go there in my mind. I was like, “You know, it might just be easier to schedule another Cesarean and not worry about the emotional disappointment.” 

I didn’t want to do that either, so I just didn’t really want to think about birth at all for a while. 

Meagan: That’s a valid feeling and very normal. 

Anni: Yeah, so I took a big break mentally from birthy stuff. We did have a pregnancy in between our two daughters’ births that actually ended at around 19 weeks due to Trisomy 18 which is a genetic chromosomal abnormality that is incompatible with life, so that is its own whole story. I don’t like skipping over it because we appreciate his life, and it’s a part of our story. We love our baby boy that we didn’t get to spend enough time with. 

After that, I got pregnant again when we moved to Okinawa. When my first daughter was about a year old or a little bit less, we found out that we would be moving overseas to Okinawa, Japan. We arrived. We had the 19-week loss, and then a few months later, I got pregnant again with our second daughter who is now almost 9 months old. 

The pregnancy was so awesome for the most part. I had a little bit of anxiety around having just had the loss and feeling a little bit guarded. I would say it took a little bit of time to actually really be able to believe that she would be born. I think for a long time, I just didn’t expect it to work. 

I think that was compounded by my Cesarean experience. I had this feeling of, maybe my body just doesn’t work or something. That took a little while to get over, but for the most part, the pregnancy was great. Because we live overseas, we are not required to be seen on base, but the off-base options are very limited here, especially in Okinawa. 

The specific, weird thing about the community here is that because Okinawa is such a small island which many people don’t know that it is a small island. It’s not even off the coast of Japan. It’s floating in the middle of the ocean. 

Meagan: Really? I did not know that. 

Anni: Yes. If you look it up on the map, you’d see that it’s just a dot on the ocean. Because it’s so remote, the local vibe here is basically that if the American military is going to have so much presence on this tiny island, they should be caring for their own people which is reasonable. 

So getting seen out in town is not as easy as it is back in the States because the options are just very limited. The other thing is that really, the only other option that Americans have out here as far as being seen “out in town” which just means off base, is a birth clinic and they don’t accept VBAC patients there. 

Really, my only option, if I wanted to do the VBAC, was to be seen at the military hospital. 

So, my care there, I was being seen through Family Medicine. You can either be seen by OB or Family Med. I chose Family Med because I wanted to just continue to be seen by my regular PCM. I thought that that continuity of care was nice. 

Everything went really smoothly. I was sort of on the fence about the VBAC. I knew I wanted it, but again, I was emotionally guarded. Once we got into the second trimester and I started thinking more about birth, I started doing a little bit more digging thing, reading The VBAC Link Community posts a little bit more carefully. 

Actually, funny story, I posted something in that group. I can’t even remember what the question was. Oh, it was about induction actually because it looked likely that we would want to schedule an induction so that we could plan to have family fly out to be with us. They had to buy plane tickets and stuff. Even though that was not at all what I wanted to do from a VBAC perspective, it felt like what we would need to do as far as getting care for our toddler. 

I posted in that group to try to see if people wouldn’t mind sharing their positive VBAC induction stories. Two of the people who responded saw my picture and they were like, “That’s in Okinawa. We’re here too,” so we met up for coffee and I’m good friends with them now. 

Meagan: Oh my goodness. 

Anni: Yeah, so shoutout to Sarah and Tatiana if you’re listening. That was really nice to feel like I had a little bit of community here in that way around this very specific topic. I started really committing to the idea of a VBAC. I also, when I say committing, my goal was that I really wanted to have a joyful birth, I didn’t want to suffer. I wanted it to be joyful. I wanted to feel present like I didn’t have the last time. 

My thinking about it was basically that those were my priorities. If it ends up being that having another Cesarean is what would get me those things, I would rather have that than lose the joy and the feeling of being present. I’m not willing to suffer just to get this outcome. 

That was my list in my head. I got a wonderful doula named Bridget who was totally on board with my priorities. She and I really aligned around our level of risk tolerance around VBAC because the hospital here on Okinawa, the Naval hospital, had a couple of specific things that they wanted for VBAC. They wanted me to come in right away as soon as I felt any contractions or if my water broke. They wanted me to come in right away, whereas my preference initially was to have labored at home. 

So that was one example of one of the things Bridget and I talked about around, okay. What’s our preference around how we handle this? Do we want to say, “No thanks. We’re going to labor at home for as long as we can”, or do we both feel more comfortable just getting to the space where you’re going to deliver and knowing that you’ll be there and they’ll be watching to make sure that everything’s fine? 

Where I shook out on that was that I’d actually rather just go to the hospital sooner. That was actually fine with me. It was really nice to have somebody to talk through that with. It was nice that we felt aligned in that way. She is really used to working with military families. She is a military spouse herself with two young boys, so that was really a really supportive relationship. 

My husband felt that way with her as well, and she is still a good friend. That was a really important part, I think, of my preparing for the VBAC. 

The hospital providers were super supportive which I was very surprised about. I didn’t receive any pushback. Anybody who I saw during the course of my pregnancy was totally in support. In fact, I had a TOLAC counseling which they require so they can tell you all of the risks and benefits and whatever. The provider who gave me the TOLAC counseling, I think assumed that I would be coming in blind, so she did her whole spiel. At the end, she was like, “What do you think? What do you think you might decide?” I was like, “Yeah, no. I’m definitely going for the VBAC.” She was like, “Okay, great. I think that’s a good choice.” 

I was surprised by that. I think people, myself included, expected military hospitals to be very antiquated or by the book or very risk averse, which they are, but in this case, it was really nice to see that they had caught on to the fact that in many cases, a VBAC is not actually more risky. 

Meagan: Risky. 

Anni: Yeah, exactly. That was really nice to feel like I wasn’t going to need to be going in with any kind of armor on. So fast forward to the birth, as I had mentioned, I had “wanted” to schedule an induction for logistical reasons. The way that the hospital here works because they are chronically understaffed as many military hospitals are, if you’re having an elective induction, so if it’s not medically necessary, they give you a date, then you call the morning of that date and they tell you what time to come in based on the staffing ratios. 

Our family who we had called to come for the birth that we had scheduled this whole thing around, arrived, and the next morning, we called as it was our scheduled induction day. I will say that the only family who could come was my sister-in-law and brother-in-law, so my husband’s sister and her husband. 

She’s a surgeon back in New York, so she only had a 6-day period that they could come. That was part of the reason why we wanted to schedule an induction. They got here. The next morning, we called the hospital, and they said, “Oh, we’re too busy right now. We can’t safely bring you in, so call back at 4:00.” 

We called back at 4:00, and they were like, “We’re still too busy. We’re sorry, but you have to call back tomorrow morning.” My doula had warned me that this was very common. She was like, “Expect maybe 12-24 hours,” but I was just in this manifesting headspace that everything was going to go great, so I was super disappointed. We went to sleep. We were like, “Oh, we were supposed to be at the hospital tonight.” 

We woke up in the morning, called the hospital, and again, they said, “We are still too busy. For the third time, we can’t safely bring you in, so you have to call back at 4:00.” I took a long walk by the ocean. We got lunch. We just killed time. I took my toddler to the playground. I’m like, “Okay, this is it.” 

We called back at 4:00 PM that day and they were like, “I’m so sorry. We’re still too busy.” This was the fourth time. By this time, there was actually a day between when our family arrived and when we started calling. By this time, there was no way they were still going to be here if we had to go for the induction, have what was inevitably going to be a long induction because I never labored with my first, spend the 24-48 hours at the hospital, and then come back, there was no way our family was still going to be here.

I was so stressed. They were like, “We know we’ve pushed you now four times. Why don’t you call back tonight at 8:00 or something? We think we’re going to get a discharge between now and then. We’ll see if you can come in at 10:00, and we’ll see if we can start the induction.” 

I was like, “You know what? Our schedule is already messed up at this point. It sounds like it’s already a crazy situation over there at the hospital. I don’t really want to go into that mess, and I don’t really want to start an induction at 10:00 at night.” 

I was like, “Can we just come in tomorrow first thing, at 5:00 in the morning?” By this point, it was going to be a Saturday. We were supposed to go in on a Thursday. It got pushed all day Thursday and all day Friday. I said, “Can we push it to the first thing on Saturday morning?” The charge nurse who I talked to said, “Yes, that’s fine.” 

We go to bed. We wake up in the morning, so happy that finally, today was the day. We say goodbye to our toddler. We get to the hospital at 5:30. It’s super quiet. Nobody was there. We bring the bags up. We unpack. I had affirmations that I had printed out, Christmas lights, music, essential oils, and all of those things. We start unloading the bag. 

The nurse comes in and gets me hooked up to monitors to do a non-stress test. We do that. I’m sitting there on the monitors for a half hour. Then she comes in and she says, “The NST looks good.” She starts getting an IV ready because one of their protocols is that they want VBAC patients to have two IVs actually. 

Meagan: Okay, what is the deal with the two IV thing? I’ve been hearing this. I apparently need to dig really far into it. Why two IVs? 

Anni: They said that one was for hydration. 

Meagan: Okay. Hydration, like for ORs?

Anni: Yeah, and the other is for medication, so if they need to hang a quick bag of something like Pitocin– I don’t even know. It’s so silly because I didn’t have anything. When I eventually did get the IVs, I didn’t have anything in either one. The second one was really hard to get in. They spent an hour and a half trying to get it in. I didn’t even have anything in the first one. I was like, “Nothing is in the first one. If you need to give me meds–” Whatever. 

Meagan: Stop the hydration and put the meds in, or maybe they need that extra port that they can put in. That’s interesting. 

Anni: Yeah, so she goes to put the IV in. A nurse comes in and goes, “Wait, don’t put that IV in.” I’m like, “Why?” They were like, “We don’t know. The provider wants to talk to you.” The provider comes back in and she was like, “I’m so sorry, but we didn’t realize that you were a VBAC. We weren’t tracking that. You got pushed, and we won’t induce you on a weekend because we only have one OB and we want to have two,” so we had to go home. They were like, “You have to go home, and you can’t come back until Monday.” 

I burst into tears. This poor OB was like, “You can totally yell at me.” I’m like, whatever. 

It was so ridiculous. We go home. We were like, “All right. Now, we don’t know what we will do for childcare.” Thank goodness, my sister lives in San Francisco. Her husband had a work trip that week that got canceled, so she was like, “I can actually just fly out and be there for you.” She has two kids, so that’s why she wasn’t going to come before, but now her husband was going to be home. She hopped on a plane right when that happened. 

We go home, and we were like, “Okay. We will be coming in on Monday.” We go to bed that night on Saturday, and I woke up at 2:00 AM with contractions in labor. 

Meagan: Oh yay! 

Anni: I could cry now thinking about it. It was the beginning of a day that was the culmination of everything I had wanted from a birth experience for the last 3.5 years. 

I had been having a little bit of prodromal labor that week, but it would be one contraction at 2:00 AM and then nothing else. 

I woke up at 2:00 AM. My husband was sleeping on the couch by this point in pregnancy because I had one of those massive pillows, and he was like, “I can’t. I don’t fit.” 

Meagan: I can’t compete with the pillow. 

Anni: Exactly. I was like, “I’m sorry, but I choose the pillow.” He was on the couch. I woke up at 2:00, and I was like, okay. I’m having a contraction. 15 minutes later, I had another one. I was like, “Okay, I had two, but 15 minutes apart is a long time.” But then, 15 minutes later on the dot, I had another one. Then it was every 15 minutes for the next 2 hours from 2:00-4:00 AM. My dogs were there. I was just really enjoying it, honestly. I was feeling emotional. Nothing was super uncomfortable yet, so it was just period cramps and that kind of a feeling. 

But I was like, “Okay.” We were supposed to take our in-laws to the airport that day because that was the day that they were leaving. I’m like, “Okay. I know how this works. I’ve heard a bajillion birth stories. I’ll wake up at 6:00. The house will get busy. The contractions will peter out. I’ll have the whole day to do whatever, then they’ll probably pick up tomorrow night after I put my toddler to bed.” 

So in my head, I’m like, that’s the day. That’s what’s going to happen. The plan was that I was going to drive my in-laws to the airport that morning because my husband was going to pick my sister up late Sunday night. That way, we could split the trips. I didn’t want to do the late-night run. 

6:00 in the morning rolls around. I wake up my husband and I’m like, “Hey, I’ve been having contractions for 2 hours, but no big deal. I’ll take Megan and Paul to the airport,” which is an hour away. “I’ll be back later.” He was like, “What are you talking about? You’re not going to take them. Nobody’s going to the airport an hour away if you’re having contractions. They can take a taxi. They’ll be fine.” I’m like, “No. They’re definitely going to stop when everybody gets up. That’s always what happens. 

He’s like, “No. I don’t care if nothing happens today. You’re not driving to the airport if you’re having contractions.” I was like, “Fine. That’s silly, but whatever.” 

Everyone wakes up. I’m still having contractions, but they were very short. They were 30 seconds long and very tolerable. There were a couple that I was like, “Okay, I want to get on hands and knees and hang out on my yoga ball.” But for the most part, they were super easy. 

8:00 rolls around. We called a taxi for my in-laws and we actually had a babysitter lined up for that day anyway. I can’t remember why, but we decided just to keep her basically and have an easier day. 

The babysitter arrived at 8:30 and my husband went out. Right as she arrived, my husband went with my toddler to go do something quickly, so I was alone with Brittany, our nanny. I had this one contraction and I was like, “I don’t want to talk to her.” We had just met her at that point. She was new to us, so I was like, “Small talk feels really hard right now. I can’t make small talk.” I was like, “Hmm. That’s kind of interesting.”

Meagan: That’s a sign. 

Anni: But in my head, it wasn’t. It was going to be a 48-hour experience. That was just in my head. Again, I didn’t labor at all with my first, so in my head, this was a first time birth. My body has not done this before. 

Once our toddler was with the babysitter, I went upstairs and I got back in bed with my dogs. I was just having contractions. I was snuggling with my dogs just trying to stay present. My husband came in and hung out with me for a little while. He said, “You know, if you’re still feeling good, I’m just going to run over to the commissary (the grocery store on base) and grab some essentials because we didn’t think we’d be here this weekend, and now we’re out of milk and eggs and whatever, so I’ll go grab some things, and I’ll be back in an hour.” 

I was like, “Great, no problem.” He left around 9:00. At 9:45, I was like, “I can’t do this alone anymore.” I feel crazy saying that because it was way too fast to be saying that, but I texted him saying, “I think I need you to come back.” 

He came back. He brought me some fruit salad because I hadn’t eaten anything yet that morning which I could barely get down. I was in labor for sure, but in my head, I still was like, “This is going to be such a long experience. Nothing is progressing yet.”

I got in the shower. That spaced things out for maybe one long gap between contractions, and then right after that, they started increasing. They were getting closer together, and they were more like 7 minutes apart, then 6 minutes apart. 

I was having to moan through them a little bit. We called Bridget, our doula, to be like, “Hey, what should we do?” I was able to talk to her with no problem in between contractions. I was fully present and lucid, so I was like, “Okay, this means I’m not in active labor because I’m totally present. I can have a conversation,” but then during the contractions, I would really need to put the phone down and moan. 

Meagan: Okay, I was going to say, but that was in between contractions. 

Anni: But in my head, again, I was so emotionally guarded around, “I don’t want to expect that this is going to happen. I want to expect the worst.” She was like, “Okay, yeah. They are 6 minutes apart. I would really recommend that you wait until it’s been at least 1 or 2 hours when the contractions have been that close together before you consider going in, but if you want to call the hospital and ask them what their preference is, you can do that.” 

I was just starting to feel really anxious about laboring in the car. I also just had this feeling that I just wanted to be there. I just wanted to be where we were going to be and feel settled, which surprised me. I thought I would want to stay at home for a long time, but it was the feeling when you have an afternoon flight. You don’t want to hang out at home before your flight. You just want to get to the airport. That was how I felt. I was surprised by that feeling. 

We called the hospital. We told them what was happenind, and they actually did say, “Yeah, why don’t you just come on in?” We told Bridget. I was a little nervous. I was like, “Ooh, I bet she’s going to think that this is a misstep. We are going in so early.” But I just was like, “That’s what I want to do.” 

We got in the car. We went over to the hospital and got checked in triage. I was a 1. I had never had a cervical check before ever because my last baby was breech and in this pregnancy, I hadn’t been checked yet. I was super, super tense, and the provider, the nurse, was like, “I can’t really get up there. Your cervix is really high and hard. I can’t really get a good feel, but you’re definitely a 1 or a 2.” 

So I was like, “Okay, not great.” She left and was gone for a while, I guess, to talk to the provider, and then when she came back in, my water broke, and there was meconium in the water. So I was like, “Okay. All of these things are not great. I’m at a 1. I’m a VBAC. My water is broken, and there is meconium. All of these things are going to make the providers feel urgency around getting this thing going.”

But I was like, “Ugh. I definitely don’t want to get an epidural if I’m only at a 1 because that’s a terrible idea, but I also really don’t want to get Pitocin if I don’t have an epidural.” I was really hoping that I could have a natural birth without any medication, but I also again, going back to my list of priorities, I was like, “I want the joy. I want to be present. I don’t want to suffer. If I can check all of those boxes and also experience an unmedicated birth, then that would be amazing, but I’m not willing to sacrifice any of those things.” 

So after my water broke, they brought me into the delivery room. I just started laboring. They came in maybe a half hour later and said, “We probably want to start some Pitocin.” I was like, “Let me wait on that. Just give me a minute to think about things,” which we can always do. Ask for more time if nothing is an emergency. 

Thank goodness I did that because in the half hour, I was thinking about it– not thank goodness that there was an emergency, but there was an emergency, and the only OB who was there that day got called away to do emergency surgery, so he became unavailable for the next several. The Pitocin was off the table for the time being, and so I just got to labor on my own. 

Bridget arrived, and she had me get into a whole bunch of funky positions. The baby was posterior which I knew because I was feeling this all in my back, and so she was having me get into all of these really uncomfortable, asynchronous positions with my legs in all kinds of weird places. It was super uncomfortable, but I knew that it was effective. 

I kept laboring. As I said, they had trouble getting the second IV in. That took a really long time even though there was nothing in the first one they had put in. I guess I also had two monitors on me. They were Bluetooth monitors, so one for me and one for the baby. I don’t remember that at all, but my doula said that they were messing with them the whole time because they kept moving. I don’t remember that. I think I was just more in labor land than I realized. 

But I had the two monitors. They finally got that second IV in. The anesthesiologist came to do it, and after he did the IV, he gave me the whole epidural spiel which they have to do for legal reasons which I wasn’t paying any attention to because I was just moaning and groaning and ignoring him. 

So he left. I kept laboring, and then around– we got to triage at noon and we got checked into our room around 1:00. Around 3:30, they came back in and asked about the Pitocin. I was like, “I need to get more information about this because I need to figure out what I’m going to do for pain management if we’re doing Pitocin.” 

Bridget was like, “Why don’t you just get checked again and see where you are?” I was a 7. So either I made a ton of progress in that 2 hours, or I wasn’t really a 1 when I got there, and my body was stressed and it clamped up, or the provider couldn’t get a good read. Whatever it was, in my head, I went from a 1 to a 7. 

Meagan: Massive change. 

Anni: Yes. I think I giggled. I was just so happy. So they were like, “Okay, well we don’t need to do any augmentation. You’re progressing just fine.” I was like, “Okay. We’re doing this. We’re just going to keep going.” Bridget recommended that I go to the bathroom because I hadn’t peed in a while. 

I went over to the toilet, emptied my bladder, then had a huge contraction and felt super like I needed to get off the toilet immediately. I hopped off and went back to the bed. A little bit of time passed, and then I started feeling like I had to throw up, but it wasn’t a nausea throw-up. It was like my abdomen was heaving kind of thing. 

I was like, “Am I pushing right now?” It was this involuntary feeling. I knew about the fetal ejection reflex, but in my head, I thought that was more of a sustained bearing down feeling and this was a more grunty thing. Everybody heard what I was doing, and the nurse who was phenomenal, her name is Cassie. She was such a godsend. She checked and she was like, “Yep, you have no cervix left. You’re good to go.” This was at 5:00. 

Meagan: 2 hours later. 

Anni: Yeah. I just couldn’t believe it. I still thought it was going to be hours and hours and hours because I was so guarded, but it wasn’t. There were about 15 minutes between when she checked me and when I really started pushing. I labored down a little bit. The providers lost the baby’s heartbeat at one point which is super common when they’re in the birth canal, but because this provider knew I was a VBAC, and he had experienced some things before and was very risk-averse, he wanted to do an internal fetal monitor. I was like, “You know what? Not ideal. I don’t love it, but that’s fine.” 

I wanted to maintain that calm environment in the room. I didn’t want people to start freaking out. I was like, “That’s fine. Do what you need to do.” They did the internal fetal monitor. I rolled over to my hip. I wasn’t having those grunting urges anymore, but I could feel the baby moving down on her own. I felt her head start to stretch me, then she sucked back in. It started to feel scary like, okay. There’s no way out at this point. I’m the only one who can do this. I’m going to feel all of this.

I gave a couple of really strong pushes. Up until then, I had been breathing and pushing because that’s what my pelvic floor therapist and I had talked about, and I had really practiced that. But the provider again, had nervousness about the heartbeat. The internal monitor wasn’t picking up what they wanted it to, so the nurse was like, “Okay. Let’s give this one really good push.” 

I gave one really good push. I felt her head come out, then shortly thereafter, her body. My husband said, “Oh my gosh, she’s here. You did it!” They put her right up on my chest, and it was just incredible. Looking back, now I say it was incredible. In the moment, I think I was completely shocked because it was so fast. I had a ton of adrenaline. I had the labor shakes, so my chin was chattering. My husband moved the baby down a little bit because he was like, “You’re going to knock her in the head.” 

It was just amazing. I felt so empowered. It took me a few hours to come down from feeling shocked, but 3 hours later, we were in our room with the baby, and I had showered already at that point, walked myself to the maternity room where we would spend the next day, and it was just so beautiful. I look back on that day all the time in my head. I relive that day all the time in my head. I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was so incredible, and it was an experience that I will draw strength from for the rest of my life. It was just amazing, yeah. 

Meagan: Oh my goodness. And being pushed, and pushed, and pushed, and having a plan, and then it changing, and having a plan, and it changing, I mean, it was meant to work out this way. 

Anni: Yeah, yeah. 

Meagan: I’m sure you can feel that now. Oh, it is just amazing. It just goes to show that sometimes first-time vaginal births don’t take 40 hours. They can go quickly if your cervix is ready and your body is ready and your baby is ready. I love that your doula was like, “All right, let’s get in these positions.” You talked about going from a 1 to a 7. You may very well could have been a 1, but positional changes and getting better application with the baby’s head to the cervix can make a big difference. 

Anni: Yeah. I will say I think one of the things that also made a huge difference was that I mentioned I had seen a pelvic floor physical therapist. I had started seeing her around 20 weeks because I thought I had appeased knees at one point. I was like, “I want to nip that in the bud right away.” I went to go see her, and we really worked a lot on relaxing my pelvic floor and how I would need to do that during labor.

I thought I was one of those people who was like, “I’m relaxed. I can relax my pelvic floor. That just means not clenching,” but it’s so much more intentional than that. 

Meagan: It is. 

Anni: Practicing actually really relaxing my pelvic floor through pregnancy was so helpful because I knew what I needed to do during a contraction to not tense up at all. I think that really helped things progress. Even with a posterior baby, usually that can take a really long time, but it was a really fast labor. I give my pelvic floor therapist at Sprout Physical Therapy if anybody is looking, she was wonderful. 

Meagan: I love that so much. I love that you pointed out that you did it before pregnancy. A lot of people, me included– I didn’t think of pelvic floor therapy before I had my baby. Why would I have pelvic floor therapy before I even had a vaginal birth? That’s just where my mind was, but it’s just so, so good. 

Now, I personally have seen a pelvic floor therapist, and I understand the value and the impact that they can make so much more. Like you said, they teach you how to connect and truly release and relax because we might think we are, but we are not. 

They can help avoid things like really severe tearing and that as well. 

Anni: I had no tearing. I had a first-degree tear. It was easy peasy. Yeah. 

Meagan: Yes, yes. I have heard that a lot of people who do pelvic floor therapy can reduce their chances of tearing based on what they know and how they connect to the pelvic floor. 

Anni: Yeah. Yeah. I’m just super grateful and so grateful for resources like this. I think storytelling is such a powerful tool and listening to all kinds of VBAC stories was really helpful, even the ones that didn’t go as planned because that’s always a possibility. I really wanted to be mentally strong against that. I didn’t want to be crushed and feel like I lost my hopes and dreams. I wanted to come out on the other side of what happened with some sense of acceptance, so hearing all of the stories was so helpful, and having the community here and having my VBAC friends here in Oki was amazing. 

Meagan: I absolutely adore The VBAC Link Community, and I love hearing that, not only did I meet people who were my friends online, but we connected in our own community because there are Women of Strength all over. You never know, if you reach out there, you will probably have someone down the street. There are thousands and thousands of people in there, so I highly suggest to go to The VBAC Link Community on Facebook. Answer the questions and dive in because there are also stories being shared there daily. 

Anni: Yeah. I felt so reassured. I think I got 40 responses when I asked for positive VBAC induction stories. There were so many responses, so I was like, “Okay. I can totally do this.” It made the pregnancy easier. Regardless of what the outcome was going to be, it alleviated the anxiety that I had about the induction. 

So even though it didn’t end up going that way, it definitely made a positive impact on my pregnancy. 

Meagan: Absolutely, and I know that VBAC groups can make a negative impact as well like it did for me. I was in the wrong VBAC supportive group that I thought was supportive and it just wasn’t. That is why we created this one. There are other amazing ones as well, but that’s why we created this one because we do not handle the B. S. We just do not tolerate it. It is a loving community and only a loving community. That is what it’s for. 

Anni: Yeah. I was also in the chat feature. There was a chat group for people who were giving birth in the same month. I was in the January group. That was an amazing group of people too. I got so familiar with those names and those stories. People were so supportive of every outcome. There were people there who got their VBACs. There were people who ended in unplanned Cesareans. There were people who at the last minute, decided that they wanted a Cesarean, and everybody was loving and supportive. It was just an awesome vibe. 

Meagan: It really is. Oh, that makes me so happy because these are exactly the goals that we had when we created these groups. Oh my goodness. Anni, thank you so much for taking the time to be with us today. Congratulations on your VBAC, and I am so, so happy for you. 

Anni: Thank you so much, Meagan. It was so awesome to be here. I love this podcast. Thank you for everything that you do, and thank you so much for having me on here today. 

Oh, do you know what? I had one more thing I wanted to share with Tricare, everybody. I’m a Tricare doula. I work with Tricare here in doula. Definitely talk to your Tricare rep if you’re out there listening to see because some of them do offer coverage for doulas. 

Anni: Yes. 

Meagan: I just wanted to let you know. 

Anni: Yes. They just announced a new set of regulations around that. Literally, new laws just came out around that so there are new details around that, but if you are on Tricare Select, you have the option to have your doula be covered by Tricare. Just a quick advocacy plug here, if you’re being seen at a military hospital, you cannot access that benefit which is a huge problem because Servicemembers have to give birth at military hospitals, so Servicemembers themselves cannot access this benefit which is a huge problem. 

That’s one of the things MBRNPC is trying to advocate to change coming up. So if you are listening out there and you have any access to any kind of advocacy channels, please get the word out that we need to fix that. 

Meagan: Yes. It does need to be fixed. Talking about hiring the doulas because it’s Select and you go outside, we do have to have referrals from that provider. We have to actually have a referral from that provider for the doula before we can start, and we cannot start before 20 weeks so just to let you know. 

Even though a lot of people hire doulas early on, Tricare does not allow us to be seen until that 20-week mark. So gear up, plan, know that at 20 weeks, you can start seeing a doula and learn more about it. Oh my gosh. Thank you again so dang much. 

Anni: Thanks, Meagan. 

Closing

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Nicole is a military spouse who had her VBAC in England. She shares what it was like to unexpectedly move overseas during pregnancy, how she navigated not receiving her household goods in time, and how she made the choice to deliver on base versus off. 

Nicole’s first birth was a Cesarean during the height of COVID. During pushing, she was required to pause, take a COVID test, and wait an hour for the results or risk being separated from her baby after birth. Labor had gone smoothly up until that point, and Nicole knew something had changed after the pause. Things felt different, progress stalled, and ultimately Nicole consented to the Cesarean. 

Her VBAC was a surprisingly wild precipitous birth with only 2 hours between her first contraction and pushing the baby out! Meagan and Nicole discuss the unique challenges of precipitous births and how important it is to hold space for every birth experience. 

Needed Website

How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents

Full Transcript under Episode Details 

Meagan: Hello. Welcome to The VBAC Link. Today is Veteran’s Day. If you are just joining us this month for the very first time, then welcome to your first specialized episode week. I don’t even know what to call it. What would you call this, Nicole? I don’t even know. 

Nicole: A one-of-a-kind situation. 

Meagan: Last month in October, we had Midwifery Week and now we have Veterans. Nicole is the wife of a Servicemember and she definitely and experience that I think a lot of military members and moms experience and people don’t think about it. I don’t think about that. When I was having my baby, it was like, Which hospital should I go to? There are 10-15 right around me. 

Then you’re like, “Oh, hey. I’m pregnant and now I’m moving overseas.” You know? I think it’s something that we just don’t think about. It’s fun to have it be Veteran’s Day and to have a Servicemember’s wife sharing your story today. We might even talk a little bit about navigating the military healthcare system and what choices you made. We learned a little bit about that before we started recording. 

We’ve got her amazing story today. Where are you right now?

Nicole: I’m in England right now. 

Meagan: You are in England, okay. And that’s where you had your baby. 

Nicole: Yes. 

Meagan: Awesome. So England mamas, definitely listen up for sure. All mamas, really. We do have a Review of the Week so I’m going to get into that then we’ll start with your first story. This is from Roxyrutt and it says, “Inspiring”. It says, “Listening to these podcasts has been truly inspiring and I have been on my own hopeful VBAC journey. Listening to other stories has been incredibly helpful in my mental preparation.” 

We were just talking about that before we started recording as well just how impactful these stories can be for anyone but especially during your VBAC journey. 

It says, “My due date is April 17th this month–” so this is obviously a little while ago. It says, “I’m hoping to have my own VBAC story to share. Thank you all for what you do.” Thank you so much, Roxyrutt, for sharing your review. 

As always, we love your reviews. You can email them to us at [email protected] or you can comment “Review” on your podcast. I think it’s on Apple Podcasts, Spotify– I don’t know if Google allows reviews. You might just have to do a rating. But wherever you listen to your podcasts, if you can leave a review, please do so. 

Okay, Nicole. Let’s get going on your stories. I seriously thank you so much for joining me today. 

Nicole: Oh, thank you so much for having me. Like we mentioned before we started recording, this podcast has been extremely inspirational to me and it really led me to having the VBAC of my dreams. 

Meagan: And you had a precipitous VBAC, right? Did you have a pretty precipitous VBAC if I’m remembering right? It was 2 hours or something?

Nicole: Yeah. It was so quick. 

Meagan: Okay. We are going to talk about that. Don’t let me forget about that in the end. It is something that we don’t talk about a lot. Most people think about birth being a long time. 

Nicole: Yeah. 

Meagan: Yeah. Precipitous birth can come out of left field and I want to talk about that. But first of course, every VBAC starts with a C-section so let’s hear about your first.

Nicole: Okay, yeah. So I had my first in June 2020 so literally right as the world was shutting down. Everybody was terrified with reason, right? I go in. I remember I had my baby shower planned and everything was planning and everything was canceled. I just felt depleted and I was scared. 

I remember watching videos on how to have a birth and what to do and all of the birthing videos and there was like, “Here’s a segment on if you have a C-section.” I was like, That will never be me. I don’t have to watch this because that will never happen. That is not in my cards. That is not in my birthing plan I typed up and had signed. That is not in my cards. 

So I decided with my doctor that I wanted to be induced and I said at 40 weeks I had done my time. Get this baby out of me. I had committed to 40 weeks because she kept saying, “Well, we can do it at 38 weeks if you’re comfortable or 39 weeks.” I was like, “Nope. I will do it until 40 weeks. I’ve done my time. At this point, this baby is evicted.” 

On June 20th, I went in for my induction. Everything went smoothly. I was progressing but not as fast as they would like so we started Pitocin. That went well. I was doing really well and all of a sudden they were like, “I think we need to break your water.” I had heard horror stories about your water breaking and it’s super painful and you’re miserable after it. So I was like, “Well, let’s get the epidural because why would I put myself through that if they have the option to make this smooth and comfortable? Why would I sit there and not be comfortable during this?” 

So I got the epidural and I just laid there. I laid in bed for a really long time then at about 3:00 in the morning, I got the urge to push. I let the nurses know. They checked. They said I was at 10 centimeters. Everything was good to go. They came in at about 3:10 and I started pushing. I pushed until about 6:00 AM. At that point, at about 5:00 AM, I started getting really hot. 

I noticed that they had turned the temperature in the room up obviously for baby. I started getting really overwhelmed and really hot. I started to throw up. My doctor turned down the temperature. She was like, “Let’s turn down the temperature. I feel like you’re just getting hot.” I was like, “I’m just hot. I just don’t feel so good. I’m just hot.” 

They turned the temperature down then a new NICU nurse came in and she turned it up. I was watching her turn it up and I was just so uncomfortable. I started throwing up again and they were like, “Well, we need to pause because everything you’re doing is an epidural symptom but it’s also a symptom of COVID so we’re going to stop you because we have to test you. You can either continue to push–”

Meagan: We have to test you.

Nicole: Yeah. I had gotten tested before I went in and then during my labor 3 hours in of pushing, they literally stopped me and said, “We need to do a COVID test.” I did a COVID test and it was crazy. You see all of these doctors in scrubs and masks and then all of a sudden they come in in these inflatable suits and everybody has these– which is more terrifying. I’m already scared. 

Meagan: Yeah, talk about invading your space. 

Nicole: Yeah, then you’re telling me that I have an hour until this test comes back. I can either continue to push but if I push and have my baby, you’re immediately going to take her away until my results come back or I can pause, not push for the hour and just let my body do it naturally and then resume pushing if my test comes back negative and I can continue to have skin on skin and the one-on-one time with my baby. 

Meagan: Hashtag, eye roll. 

Nicole: Yeah. So during that time, I was pushing well up until the COVID test. My baby was descending correctly. I stopped. I waited an hour and something shifted to where she then twisted a little bit and she– once my test came back negative and I was able to push again– was getting stuck on my pelvic bone and I could not get her out. They were tying blankets together and my husband would hold one end of the blanket and I would push and pull the end of the blanket as hard as I could to try and get her down. 

I was doing everything to push this baby out. Nothing was working. I started to develop preeclampsia so that was red flag number one. Then my baby’s heart rate started to drop in between each contraction which I guess means that it could be around the neck and it’s more concerning if it’s between contractions versus during the contraction. 

So after her heart rate started dropping and continuously dropped, they decided to call it an emergency C-section. 

I just remember feeling devastated. I remember shouting– not shouting, but crying to my husband, “I don’t want this. I don’t want a C-section.” My doctor was like, “I have to hear it from you that you are okay to have the C-section.” I was like, “I mean, I guess if that’s the only way to get this baby out but I don’t want it.” 

I remember feeling the pain from my C-section and feeling so depleted. I pushed from 3:00 to 6:00 then I stopped for an hour. We resumed at 7:00. We pushed from 7:00 to 9:00 and then they called the emergency C-section and I had her at 9:36. It was a lot and I was pushing hard. 

I just remember getting back to the room, because my mother-in-law was there, and saying, “I haven’t held her yet.” I didn’t want anybody to hold the baby without me holding her first. I had heard stories of people who were like, “Everybody in my family got to hold the baby before I held my baby.” I just remember crying and I cried for weeks. I just felt like my body gave up on me. 

My recovery was terrible and that’s what my doctor kept saying. She was like, “You have both recoveries. You pushed for so long that you’re recovering from pushing and then you’re also recovering from your C-section.” Then because I pushed so hard and I was trying so hard, I had tore all of the right side abs so I couldn’t even move my legs to get in and out of bed for 4 weeks because my whole ab muscles were just torn. 

I had to go see therapy for that and I remember trying to drive me and this infant to therapy sessions and I was just in pain and then the drive home– it was so hard. I just felt like I was really bonding with my baby, but I felt like I was so disconnected with myself. I just couldn’t do it. I had to have therapy because I went into postpartum depression. It was the hardest moment of my life because I really just felt like everybody was like, “Oh, it’s so beautiful though. Your body did its job and it birthed this healthy baby.” I just wanted to scream every time somebody said that because I was like, “But it didn’t. I pushed for hours, literally hours, and it didn’t do its job. I had to have my baby taken out of me.” 

Meagan: You didn’t feel that way.

Nicole: Uh-huh. Yeah. People would be like, “Well, aren’t you glad that you didn’t have vaginal tearing?” I was like, “No, but I had hip to hip tearing and not just through the skin. It was muscles and layers.” I felt like everybody was trying to comfort me and it just felt like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs because I didn’t feel like anybody was understanding what mentally I was going through. 

Meagan: Yeah. I think that happens so often in the provider world but also just in our family and friends’ world. We get thrown the, “Aren’t you just happy you have a healthy baby?” It’s like, “Yeah, duh.” But then also that thing, “Well, aren’t you glad that didn’t happen to your vagina? Aren’t you glad you don’t have to deal with incontinence?” Or similar things where in people’s minds, I don’t think they realize that it’s causing harm or that there are ill feelings at all. They are just saying these things, but it’s like, “I don’t feel like I birthed my baby and I don’t feel good about it and I’m dealing with a lot of trauma physically to my body, not just even emotionally but physically to my body. No, I’m not feeling great right now and it’s okay that I don’t feel great. I understand that you’re just trying to help and validate me maybe, I don’t know.” Maybe that’s what people are doing but it doesn’t always feel good. 

Nicole: Yeah, people kept telling me to be mad at my provider. I was like, “I hear you. But at the end of the day, she’s new to COVID just like we are. She’s going into this trying to navigate it.” I think she did and I think she made the best calls, but everybody was like, “Why are you mad at yourself? Be mad at this person.” I was like, it wasn’t her fault necessarily. She didn’t know what was happening. COVID was so new and it was just blowing up in Utah. It was just this big thing and it seemed like nobody was listening to the fact that I was upset with my body and how my body handled this. Everybody was just like, “Well, it’s a healthy baby. Blame this person or that person. It’s COVID.” 

I was like, “But what about me? You’re not listening to me.” That was so tough. I felt like I was screaming it and people were trying to silence it without purposely trying to silence it. 

Meagan: Right. Okay, so I have some questions for you. So when they were offering you sheets and it sounds like you were maybe playing some tug-of-war. What I call it in my doula mind is tug-of-war where you are pulling and tugging and all of those things. Obviously, they were really trying to help this baby get out vaginally and things like that. Did they offer you changing of positions even though you had that epidural? Were they like, “Hey, let’s try to get you on your side or get you on your hands and knees?” You said you kind of felt your C-section a little bit, right? Is that what you said? So it maybe wasn’t as deep of an epidural so maybe you could have done hands and knees or something? Did they ever offer anything like that?

Nicole: They didn’t. They did try the vacuum three times but it immediately would just pop right off of her head because she was shifted. 

Meagan: Asynclitic a little bit, maybe?

Nicole: Yeah, so they said that after three times it was unsafe at that point and it was going to have the same results. Nothing was going to happen. 

I didn’t want to do the vacuum, but once we were at that position, I was like, “Let’s just try it.” I agreed to three times and then we were done. Keep it safe. That’s when we started doing the tug-of-war and we did that for a long time. My husband was holding it and he was like, “The first time, you almost knocked me down because I wasn’t expecting you.” I was pulling so hard. I just wanted this baby out. 

Yeah, they didn’t move me in any positions. I was just on my back. Now that I know better, I wish I would have tried. 

Meagan: But again, you didn’t know what you didn’t know. For listeners, if you are in a situation where your baby might be tilted to the side asynclitic or transverse and maybe you have done tug-of-war and things like this, and even then, sometimes it doesn’t work. For some reason, the baby is where they are, but a little bit of a tilt to the side especially if there is one side where they feel the baby’s head or try to get on hands and knees to change that pelvic dynamic can help. But I love that they were like, “Let’s do tug-of-war. Let’s do these things.” 

I love that providers are still encouraging other things in other ways. It sounds like they really did try and avoid a Cesarean by doing a vacuum and doing the tug-of-war. That is super awesome. 

I was also wondering if you have any tips for moms who have maybe pushed for a really long time like you did and had essentially have vaginal pelvic floor trauma and also gone down the Cesarean route. Is there anything you would suggest to moms? Or even for moms who maybe had a C-section and had this possibly happen. Yeah, do you have any tips that you would suggest to help with healing both physically and mentally?

Nicole: Yeah. One of the biggest things that we did which was incredibly helpful– I’ll give you a funny story after– but one of the biggest things that we did was my husband would get out of bed. We breastfed. He would hand me baby. I would breastfeed her and burp her and then he would get out of bed, change her, and put her back down. 

That was incredibly helpful because all I had to do was go from laying to sitting. I couldn’t pick my legs up to move them out of the bed without it being excruciating, so having him just help me sit up and hold baby made a huge difference. 

Having that support person there to help do the heavy lifting technically to get in and out of bed was next-level game changer. It helped me. I got to sleep more because he changed the diaper. We took turns then he would sleep during feedings. We were really changing. 

I do remember going to the pediatrician and my husband talking to the pediatrician and I was like, “Wrong person to ask.” He was like, “She keeps waking in the middle of the night and rocking holding this invisible baby and bouncing it.” It was because I would forget that I gave the baby back to my husband. 

Meagan: Yeah, because you’re so tired. 

Nicole: I’m so tired and he would be like, “It’s freaking me out.” I picked up my little Yorkie and I was rocking her. My husband was like, “That’s the dog.” I thought I had fell asleep and the baby was next to me so I picked up the dog. I remember the husband talking to the pediatrician and I was like, “That is the wrong doctor. He knows nothing about my mental state,” and him being like, “It’s terrifying,” but it really did help me. It might have scared him, but it just was so helpful and I just felt like I didn’t have to worry about dropping the baby walking in and out of bed. It helped speed up my recovery because I wasn’t constantly getting in and out at all hours of the night. 

Meagan: Yeah, that is so impactful. I love that you pointed that out. I know that some postpartum doulas do that too but if your partner is able to help you in that way, I also think it’s really great because that helps them bond with the baby too. I mean, they might not be feeding the baby but they are changing and carrying and soothing the baby back to sleep as well. I love that. I love that you did that. How long did you do that until you were feeling better and getting in and out of bed was feasible?

Nicole: It took me about 3 weeks until I felt comfortable and confident. That was another thing. I could feel comfortable but wasn’t confident to get in and out of bed without worrying about a sharp pain or something glitching or stumbling. 

Meagan: Mhmm. I’m so proud of you guys for being a team and making sure that you took care of that. 

Nicole: We’ll keep him. 

Meagan: You needed to take care of yourself and I love that you were like, “This is what we need. This is what we need to do.”

Awesome. Well, before we get into your next story which is amazing, we’re going to take a quick moment and listen to me, I guess, about our sponsor. 

Okay, and we’re back. Let’s get onto this VBAC story. 

Nicole: So being military, we had decided my daughter was so great and so fun at about 8 months or 9 months and we were like, “Let’s do this again. Let’s have another one. We want them close in age. Let’s try again.” 

So she turned 1 in June. In May, we decided to go on a long weekend because my husband had just graduated college. He’s military and was going to school which is a whole other added pressure. 

Meagan: That’s a lot. 

Nicole: Yeah. We flew our mother-in-law out. She stayed with our baby for Memorial Day Weekend and him and I went to Tahoe for the weekend. 

We decided starting in May that we were going to start trying again. We were like, on May 1st, we’re going to start trying for a baby. 

We get back from Tahoe on June 1st. I think it was June 1st. It was right at the end of May and the beginning of June. His coworkers were like, “Guess what? You have orders to RAF Lakenheath in England.” My husband was like, “No, I don’t. You’re kidding. I don’t. That’s a joke.”

He called me and he was like, “I have bad news.” We had just dropped my car off at the dealership that morning so I was like, “Oh no, what we thought was a minor issue was huge.” He was like, “We have orders to England.” 

I was like, “That’s not terrible news. That’s the best news I’ve heard all month.” He was like, “No, that’s terrible,” because he was planning on getting out of the military. 

Meagan: Oh no. 

Nicole: We had 2 weeks to decide if he was going to stay in and take these orders or if he was going to get out. We spent 2 weeks going back and forth if this was the best option for our family and if this what we wanted. What could we do over there? We decided that we would go overseas if we decided to wait on having a baby. We cut it off. No more babies at the beginning of June. 

We were like, “We’re done. We’re going to have our one. Towards the end of our 4 years is when we are going to start trying for our second. That way, we can get back here and have our baby back in the States.” We were like, “We’ll travel with our one child because it’s easier to travel with one than two. We’ll travel with one kid. We’ll do our 4 years there and when we come back, we’ll have our next baby.” It wasn’t ideal because we wanted them close in age, but at least we were traveling and eventually, we would have our second. 

He took the orders on June 2nd. I was prepping for my daughter’s first birthday. We were having a pool party. I was like, okay. Her birthday’s on June 20th. It is June 16th. I wonder when I’m going to get my period because I don’t want to be on my period and swimming. 

Meagan: During the pool party, yeah. 

Nicole: I looked at my app and I was 7 days late. I was like, What? I don’t think that’s right, but let’s just take a test. I took a test and I was pregnant. 

So, the joke was on us. 

Meagan: Oh my gosh. 

Nicole: Yes. We found out in June that we were having our second and we were due to be in England in November. So at the end of the month in November was our DEROS date or the day that we were supposed to be in England and he was supposed to be signed onto the base. 

We decided that we would just pack up and do this all while I was pregnant. We moved over there on November 15th. Once I got here, I was like, Well, what do I do now? I am halfway through my pregnancy. I have nothing because COVID again, had stopped all of our furniture stuff because the ports were closed and that whole issue of everything being shut down. The world was still closed so we were like, “What do we do?” 

We had sent our stuff at the beginning of October to arrive in England and they were like, “Well, you’re not expecting anything.” We had bought all of our baby stuff before because we were like, “Well, we’ll just buy it here and ship it over there, and then we won’t have to worry about trying to buy it over there.” There are different sizes of cribs there, and the bedding size is different. I don’t want people to buy us sheets then all of a sudden it’s UK sizes and it doesn’t fit and it’s unsafe for baby. 

It was a big thing. We bought all of our stuff. I was ready to have it. Then we got here and they were like, “It looks like you’re not going to get any of your household goods until April.”

Meagan: November to April?

Nicole: October to April because we shipped in October. 

Meagan: Oh my gosh. 

Nicole: Uh-huh. Yeah. We were living in temporary furniture that was terrible. We had to go out and buy blow-up mattresses because those were more comfortable than the beds that they gave us. It was wild. 

Then I’m trying to find a doctor. I’m trying to find a provider. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve called all of the birthing doulas because of the podcast that I had been religiously listening to. I was like, “I know what a doula is. That’s what I need.” They were all booked up because by the time we got here in November and I got the chance to interview them, they were all booked up for the month of February when my baby was due.

So now I’m sitting here, “Well, what do I do? Do I have the baby on base? Do I have the baby off base?” I don’t know. I don’t know anything about where we’re living. I don’t know anything about the hospitals. I don’t know anything. I’m just guessing off of people’s posts on Facebook, but they are so hit-and-miss. Somebody is going to post a really great story, then all of a sudden, somebody makes a post of a traumatizing story which scares you. It’s like, was the good story one in a million, or was the traumatizing story one in a million? I was just navigating this. 

I started going to my doctor’s appointments on base because I knew that Tricare covered the OB/GYN. I was trying to navigate how it would cover overseas. I had to make a lot of phone calls and all of that fun stuff. I was like, “Well, I’ll just start on base and see if I need to transfer off base.” 

On base was okay. It’s way different seeing a military doctor than it is seeing a provider who chooses this field and who wants this field. All of my prenatal care was okay. There were a few things that I wasn’t a fan of and if we weren’t talking about it, I could tell you what is the strep B test, right? 

Meagan: Group B strep?

Nicole: Mhmm. They test you. They swab you to see if you have a skin infection to see if you need to be on antibiotics. In the states, my doctor performed that on me. Here, they gave me a test tube and told me I had 5 minutes to complete it. I was like, “What? I can’t even see down there let alone swab myself.” I just remember crying in the thing and begging people to do it and they were like, “We don’t do it. You have to perform it on yourself.” My husband was home watching our toddler, so I had no support with me. It was definitely different. 

I looked at the hospitals off base and I was really unsure with the way that I had them. You would give birth in a birthing suite with your husband, then they would send him home and move you to this big room with other moms who had their babies. I was really navigating, what is the best fit for me and how am I going to have this baby and my VBAC? I want this VBAC. Who is going to advocate for me? I don’t have a doula. I’m doing this by myself. My husband only knows so much. He doesn’t understand it all, so he is only retaining half of what I’m saying. 

I made it to 40 weeks. I was like, “Get this baby out of here.” My mother-in-law was here to watch my daughter. That’s another thing. You have to find childcare for your toddler because you don’t have family around to watch your baby. We were so new here. We didn’t have friends here to watch our baby. My mother-in-law luckily came out and made it for the birth. She watched my daughter. I decided that since she was here, and I needed to get this baby out before she left so I had childcare, I would do a membrane sweep because I was 40 weeks and I think I was 2 days at that point. 

I did a membrane sweep. That was unsuccessful at 40 weeks and 2 days. I did a second one. That was very successful. We had my membrane sweep in the morning. I remember just doing lunges and squats all day long. We took my daughter to a forest. She just ran, and I did lunges behind her. There are videos of my husband following my daughter around, and I’m in the background just doing lunges and doing anything to keep active, to keep this baby going. 

I went to bed that night on February 23rd. I went to bed at about 9:00 PM. I woke up at 2:00 AM. It was about 2:30 when I woke up. I felt this really sharp pain in my stomach. I thought he had kicked my bladder, so I stood up on the bed. It was like a movie. You heard the gush, and then all of a sudden, water was just trickling down my legs. I was like, “Well, I still feel like I have to pee, so that was definitely my water breaking not me having to go to the bathroom and him kicking my bladder,” which signaled me having to go to the bathroom. 

My husband had just come to bed at about 2:00 AM. He had only been asleep for about 30 minutes. I was like, “Hey, no rush. This is going to take hours.” Again, nobody thinks that labor happens fast. I woke him up. I was like, “No rush. I just need you to go downstairs and get my military ID,” because at this point, I decided to have him on base. I was like, “I just need you to get my military ID because they are going to ask for that information in labor and delivery. Let them know that my water broke and that we would be in in a few hours. No rush. I’m going to take a shower. I’m going to go back to sleep. I’m just going to sleep this off. We will wake up in the morning, say goodbye to Naomi, and then go to the hospital.” 

Again, I had told my daughter that I would see her in the morning, and then I left the room that night saying, “Why did I say that? There’s no guarantee.” I had been saying for weeks, “I hope you sleep good,” and that’s it. Then of course, the one time that I accidentally said, “I’ll see you in the morning,” I wasn’t seeing her in the morning. 

He calls Labor and Delivery and they were like, “Well, because of her past, we want her in now.” I was like, “No. No. I don’t want to labor in a hospital. I want to labor as long as I can at home. I want to do this by myself. I want to be comfortable. I don’t want people to tell me what I should be doing then it going against what I want to do. I really want to do this by myself.” 

He’s arguing with Labor and Delivery. He was like, “Well, let me talk to my wife, and I will call you back.” I was like, “I’m going to get in the shower real quick and wash myself off because my water just broke.” 

Meagan: Had you started contracting at this point or just trickling? 

Nicole: Very minimal. It was every 5 minutes. It was very minimal, nothing crazy. I could totally go clean my car at this point. I was walking on water. My water broke. I’m great. I feel good. I feel nothing. 

I’m in the shower. All I did was put shampoo in my hair. I didn’t even get it rinsed out, and all of a sudden, my contractions went from 0 to 100. I could not breathe. I could not talk through them. I could not even do anything. I felt like my mind was so focused on the pain. My husband was trying to ask me questions, and I couldn’t even register what he was saying through each contraction. 

I told him, “Call them back because we are on our way now. I need to get out of the shower. I need you to throw conditioner in my hair while I have this next contraction. I need to rinse it out, then we need to go.” 

He’s trying to talk to them and put conditioner in my hair. I’m having a contraction. I put my pants on, and as I’m pulling them up, another contraction hit. Then they started going from having a contraction for a minute and a half to a break for 30 seconds, and then immediately back into another contraction for a minute and a half. 

I was like, “What is happening?” I never felt this with my daughter. I had the epidural. Things went so smoothly and so slowly that it was cake. This was the next level. I waddled into the car. I remember sitting in the front seat and saying, “I can’t do this.” I climbed into my toddler’s car seat because I had the infant car seat up, and I couldn’t fit in between the two car seats, so I had to sit with my knees in my toddler’s car seat. I was holding onto the back headrest for support and just standing there. 

I was on my knees, chest against the back of her car seat, and I’m just holding onto this headrest with every contraction. I’d have three in a row. I’d have one for a minute and thirty, a break for 30 seconds, a minute and thirty, a break for 30 seconds, a minute and thirty, then I’d have a two-minute break, and then they would kick back up again. 

My husband was just flying. The roads were closed on our normal fastway to base. We lived 30 minutes away, so it was an extra 15 minutes to get to base. He was flying at 2:50 in the morning at this point. I’m sorry, it was 3:50 in the morning at this point. We get to the hospital at 4:05. I am hugging a tree outside because my husband couldn’t figure out how to open the wheelchair. Poor guy, he was trying so hard to help me. 

Meagan: I’m sure. It was a frantic moment. Yeah. 

Nicole: Yeah. He couldn’t figure out how to open it. He had to go to the ER and get somebody in the ER to help him. They were wheeling me up, and I remember yelling at them because they kept saying, “We’ll have to do triage and see if you’re in active labor before we can bring your husband back.” I remember telling this poor ER nurse, “You’d better not split my husband and I up. I am not doing triage. We are going into a room. We are having this baby.” She was like, “Ma’am, I think we’re just going to put you in a room. I don’t think we are going to need triage.” 

I get into the room. I am continuously having contractions. They tried to stop me to do a COVID test. I death-glared this guy because he wanted to do a COVID test on me. I was like, “Been there, done that. Not doing that again.” 

I remember them trying to put an IV in my hand. I was like, “I don’t need an IV. This kid is coming out of me. I know I tested positive for the strep test, but I don’t need an IV. He’s already out. There’s nothing that this is going to help.”

I get up on the bed. They tried to get me to lay on my back to push and I couldn’t. I remember my husband was like, “No, that’s not how she wanted to push. She wants to push with her knees on the bed and her chest against the back holding on. That’s how she wants to deliver him.”

He was advocating for me which I was so grateful for because I felt the entire time that he didn’t know what I wanted because he didn’t understand my terms, he didn’t understand why, he didn’t understand the VBAC world, so I felt like I was talking to thin air. So for him to sit there and be like, “No, that is not how she is going to deliver this baby. She wants to be on her knees hunkering down.” 

I did. I got up there. I pushed two pushes, and he was out. His hand was stuck to his face. 

Meagan: Nuchal hand, wow. 

Nicole: He was holding onto his face. He got a little stuck because of his elbow, so after I got his head out, they made me flip over and deliver him on my back which I was totally okay with because we had done the hard part. I remember my husband saying that was the weirdest thing watching me turn around with this baby hanging out. 

He was like, “You just flipped around like it was nothing.” I was like, “I knew he was fine.” 

I tore because his hand was up and it was added pressure. But yeah, he came out in two pushes. He was born by 4:36, so 2 hours and I had my baby. It was absolutely wild. 

I just remember that I had him. I was just in the chaos of it, and about two minutes later, my husband was like, “Nicole, you had a VBAC.” I just started shouting it. I was like, “I had a VBAC.” It didn’t even dawn on me in the craziness of it all that I pushed this baby out of me. I was just like, “Is he okay? Is he healthy? Does everything look good? Are you sure he has 10 toes and 10 fingers? Is everything good?” My husband was like, “Nicole, you had a VBAC. You really did it.” 

Yeah. It was crazy. He came so fast which was unexpected and nobody tells you about that. It was just wild, but I had a VBAC. 

Meagan: You had a VBAC with a nuchal hand too. That can be a little tricky sometimes, right? That is amazing, but I love just how intuitively from the very beginning, your body too was like, hands and knees. Forward-leaning position. That’s what your body intuitively was telling you to do to get this baby here. I love that you just went with that. I love that he advocated for you despite not really understanding. I can relate to that. My husband did not understand why I wanted to do what I wanted to do, but it’s so nice to have them be there for you in that ending moment when it really matters so much. 

Nicole: Absolutely, yeah. I was shocked. When he started saying it and he was like, “No. She wants to push like this,” I was like, “What? You listened?” 

Meagan: You listened. I love that. Oh, well thank you so much for sharing that story. Huge congrats and man, precipitous labor like you said, people don’t talk about it. It does happen. It’s funny because I had a long, 42-hour labor. Someone asked me, “Would you rather have a long labor that took forever like that or would you rather have a precipitous labor?” I had said that I really wanted a fourth and I just hoped it went faster. 

I don’t know. I don’t know which one I would prefer because long is exhausting and hard, but man, precipitous– and I have seen them. I have supported them as a doula and seen 2-3 hour-long labors. It’s a lot of change in a body to happen in such a short period of time, and it’s so intense. I mean, it is the next level. So, I don’t know. 

Nicole: It’s crazy. It’s crazy that they are so fast, but your body just knows what it’s doing. That blew my mind. With my daughter, I felt like I was trying. I was listening to everybody, and they were telling me what to do. I was just following suit, but with this one, there were no decisions being made. My body was like, “This is how it’s going to happen and that’s it.” I remember shouting for the epidural when I got in the hospital room. I was like, “I want that epidural. Call the anesthesiologist now.” They were like, “Honey, I think he’s already here. I don’t think we have time for that.” 

My body was like, “No, you’re not sitting down. You’re not going to do this. This is how–” I didn’t even have time to focus on my breathing. My body was just doing it itself which is crazy thinking back on it. My body just knew. I was so down on myself thinking my body had failed me, but then having a super fast labor, my body was just like, “Nope, this is how we’re going to get it done and that’s it.” 

Meagan: Okay, so with precipitous labor too, like you said, it went from 0 to 100 like that. Do you have any tips for moms with that experience of that type of intensity? Obviously, listening to your body and getting to your birthing location on time. I’m assuming that’s continuing. Sometimes, I feel like it can be really intense when it feels like they are ramping up and then they piddle out. But it does, it seems to ramp up, like you said, from 0 to 100 and it hangs on. It holds on tight and it is not stopping.

Nicole: Yeah. Definitely listen to your body. I felt like I spoke up a lot with what was happening at one point. I’ve always been this way where there are certain sounds that make me nauseous if I’m under a lot of stress or if I’m feeling sick, so my husband talking– it’s funny because he was like, “Say your affirmations. You are brave. You can do this.” His talking was making me nauseous. I was like, “Stop. Stop talking. Although it is what I want to hear, it is not helping.” 

Being super open about what was happening like when he went to get the wheelchair, I was like, “I can’t sit in this car. I have to get out.” He was like, “Just sit in the car. Let me help you.” Being super aware and open about what I was feeling and what my body was telling me to do because going up and holding onto this tree, and every time I walk past this tree at medical, I’m like, “I almost gave birth right there had we not gotten that wheelchair open.” Hunkering down on that tree gave so much more relief that it was sitting in the car waiting for him. Although, I know that the car probably would have been the safest option for me rather than the tree with dirt and bushes–

Meagan: Hey, that’s actually pretty cool if that happened. 

Nicole: Right? But knowing what it was and being communicative. Even through all the chaos, every second that I could, I was saying, “This is what I need right now. This is what I’m feeling.” That was helpful not only for myself mentally because I didn’t have the option. Things were just happening, but mentally being aware, and also allowing my husband to help me and support me where I needed was also really helpful. 

Meagan: I love that. Speak up. Follow your body. Have an awesome partner to help guide you through. I think too like what you said earlier, he listened. That goes with speaking up, talking about our feelings, and talking about our desires. Even if you don’t think it’s being understood or really heard, it probably is. 

Nicole: Yeah. It was just so crazy to me with him being like, “I’m so confused why somebody would want to push like that,” then him being like, “No, she’s going to push like that.” I was like, “What? You remembered.” Even in all the craziness, and he thought for sure when I told him to stop when we were driving, he thought I meant to stop the car because he thought I was going to have the baby before I could finish after my contraction, “Stop talking.” 

Yeah, so even through all of the craziness and his mind going rampant, because he’s going through it too thinking, “Am I going to deliver this baby on the side of the road?” Now that we’re in a different country, who do we call? Do we call 9-9-9 or do we call 9-1-1? Do we call base or do we call locals? We’re in the middle of the country. His mindset is going, so having him say that in the craziness was even more powerful. 

Meagan: Mhmm. Oh my gosh. Well, huge congrats again. Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story. I do know that it’s going to impact someone out there, probably hundreds and thousands of people to be honest, so yeah. Thank you so much. Do you have any other tips or any advice that you’d like to give to any moms in regards to VBAC, in regards to birth, in regards to preparation, or in regards to navigating military changes? Delivering on base or off base? Are there any other suggestions that you’d like to give? 

Nicole: I would say to really trust your instinct. I was obsessed with my first doctor with my daughter and she was my second daughter going into this. Obviously, I couldn’t keep her. I tried to get her to come over here, but she wouldn’t. Trust in your instinct in what you think is right for you and your baby. It’s so interesting to where you believe that this is one thing and this is how it should be, but then when your instincts are kicking in and they are telling you, “This is what’s best for you and your baby,” it’s a whole other path. I just recommend to listen. Listen to your body. Listen to what your gut is telling you. It will fall into place. Things are scary and sometimes things are wild, especially with the military and moving in the middle of a pregnancy. It is terrifying. I’ve known spouses who stay after and they bring their baby over when their baby is 8 weeks old and can finally get a passport. But knowing that you can do it overseas, I definitely think it’s special because your partner is there. It’s just a crazy ride, but if you trust yourself, your self will always guide you in the right way. 

Meagan: Yeah. We’ve been saying it since this podcast started in 2018. Your intuition is so impactful. Trust it all the way. Go with it. I love that advice. Thank you. 

Nicole: Thank you. 

Closing

Would you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan’s bio, head over to thevbaclink.com. Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link.

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After having an HSG (hysterosalpingogram) due to infertility, Wyn was diagnosed with having a left-sided unicornuate uterus. A unicornuate uterus is a rare condition in which the uterus is smaller than normal and only has one fallopian tube. Common complications from a unicornuate uterus include infertility, IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction), and preterm labor. 

Wyn had two unsuccessful IVF treatments followed by two miraculous natural pregnancies! Her first pregnancy ended in an unexpected Cesarean due to a fever and tachycardia in her baby. Her placenta was difficult to remove during the surgery and she was told she had placenta accreta. The OB who performed her surgery also said she had “very interesting reproductive anatomy”.

Wyn deeply longed for the opportunity to try for a VBAC and experience physiological birth. Her original midwife supported her decision to VBAC and Wyn made sure to prepare physically and emotionally. At 41 weeks and 1 day, she went into spontaneous labor, declined cervical checks and other interventions she wasn’t comfortable with, consented to the things she felt good about, and pushed her baby out soon after arriving at the hospital. 

Wyn also shares her experience with taking Needed products during her pregnancy and postpartum period this time around. Her strongest advice for other women preparing for VBAC is to find a supportive team and really listen to what your intuition is telling you to do. 

Needed Website

How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents

Full Transcript under Episode Details 

Meagan: Hello, everybody. Welcome to the show. We have our friend, Wyn, from Alaska with us today. She’s going to be sharing her VBAC story and Wyn has a pretty unique– and maybe Wyn, you can tell me more. Maybe it’s not as unique as it feels but a pretty unique situation where you had a diagnosis of a unicornuate uterus. Tell us a little bit more about that. I feel like we hear some uterine abnormalities. I’m quoting it where it’s bicornuate and all of these different things and people say, “Oh, you can’t have a vaginal delivery with this type of uterus or this shape of uterus,” but tell us more about what it means for you and what it meant for you back then. 

Wyn: Yeah, so they found it through an HSG test where they shoot dye up through your uterus and through your fallopian tubes. Basically, just one-half of my uterus formed. I guess when the uterus is forming, it’s two tubes that connect and open up so just the one half formed so I have a left-sided with a left fallopian tube. I have both ovaries so you can still conceive but there are less chances because you have just one side. 

Then once you get pregnant, there are higher chances of miscarriages because the blood flow is less. Intrauterine growth restriction and preterm labor are common and then a lot of time, the breech position is common as well. 

Meagan: With this one, you did experience IVF as well, right? 

Wyn: Yep. 

Meagan: Yeah, we’ll have to hear more about that too because there are a lot of people who are getting pregnant via IVF which is amazing but there are some things that come with IVF as well. So we want to talk a little bit more about that before we get too deep into things. I do want to do a Review of the Week, then we’ll let Wyn start sharing away. 

This review is from I think it’s Amir, I think. It says, “This podcast was my constant source of reassurance and inspiring stories throughout my last two pregnancies. I achieved my VBAC in 2021 and was so empowered with so much knowledge and mental strength going into this birth because of The VBAC Link. I had my second section in 2022 which was not what I wished for but I do plan on having more children and know that VBA2C (vaginal birth after two Cesareans) is a possibility for me because of this podcast. I continue to listen to your inspiring stories each time I hop in the car and I’m so grateful for all that you share. I hope to share my own redeeming story with you in time too.” 

Well, Amir, thank you so much for your review. I also wanted to mention that for Amir, not only does VBAC after two Cesareans apply, but there are even risks that are lower because she has had a vaginal birth. So if you have had a vaginal birth and then you want to go on to VBAC, your chances are even higher for a VBAC and lower for things like uterine rupture. I wanted to throw that tip out there. 

But if you have not left us a review yet, please do so. We love them so much. You can leave it on Google or wherever you listen to your podcasts or you can even email them. 

Okay, Wyn. Let’s get going into this story. 

Wyn: Okay, thank you. Thank you for having me. I feel like it’s come full circle. I listened to The VBAC Link Podcast a lot throughout my pregnancy and even before that and I still do today. So I hope that maybe a little detail from my story resonates with somebody and helps them as well. 

Meagan: 100%. 

Wyn: Yeah. A little back story, before I got pregnant, we did try for a while and my cycles were regular. I was healthy. I didn’t see anything wrong but we went in and got the test done with bloodwork and they suggested the HSG test. I saw my original OB then I had a second opinion with another one. Both said it was still possible but that IVF was probably going to be more likely. 

And of course, this is all happening in February and March of 2020. 

Meagan: Right as the world is in chaos. 

Wyn: Yeah, so I started researching IVF options. We live in Alaska so there isn’t a reproductive endocrinologist here and I found a clinic. Our closest option was Seattle or Portland. I found a clinic in Portland that was willing to work with us. 

In August 2020, I went down for my first transfer or egg retrieval and transfer. That was a chemical pregnancy or early miscarriage. But also, that was the closest I had ever been to being pregnant. It was a little bit hopeful at the same time. 

We regrouped and went down in October and had another transfer that didn’t take at all. We decided to take the rest of the year off and revisit it after the beginning of the year. 

That brings me to my first pregnancy which was a little miracle and I got pregnant the cycle after my failed transfer naturally without IVF. 

Meagan: Yay!

Wyn: That was very exciting. I was a little bit in shock like, How can this happen? Because it had been a couple of years of trying. I went back to the second OB who I had a second opinion from. We didn’t really vibe very well. I went in early at 6 weeks because I was nervous and she was like, “Why are you here so early?” 

So I didn’t end up rebooking with her but I rebooked with a midwife who some of my friends had seen during their pregnancies and explained my situation and she got me in that week. We did an ultrasound and saw a little heartbeat. It was going well. She had me come in the next week too to just make sure things were progressing and everything was good. 

Meagan: Yay. So it was IVF treatment, IVF treatment, and spontaneous?

Wyn: Yep. 

Meagan: Yay, that’s awesome. 

Wyn: It was pretty exciting and just gave me some renewed faith in my body too that maybe it could do it. 

Meagan: Yeah. 

Wyn: So pregnancy went smoothly. I felt great. I loved being pregnant and I was measuring small consistently from about 30 weeks on about 2-4 weeks behind. I wasn’t really worried about it because I figured I had a small uterus but they suggested a growth scan. I went ahead and did that and baby was all fine. She was small and we didn’t know it was a she. We didn’t find out but then my husband and I did some birth prep. 

We watched The Business of Being Born and that solidified my desire for a non-medicated birth. I was okay being in the hospital because there were unknowns with the uterus and I just wanted to experience it all. I wanted to experience everything without medication. I have a low tolerance to medication so I didn’t want anything to derail the birth. 

I made it to 40 weeks. I made it to my due date because it’s common that you go into preterm labor with a unicornuate uterus but I made it to my due date so that was exciting. I was feeling anxious to meet my baby but I was feeling good. 

I was just listening to whatever the midwife told me or suggested because I was a little bit nervous so she offered a membrane sweep and I thought, Okay, I’ll go ahead and do that. It’s not medicated. But still, it was an intervention that I learned later. 

Then we did a non-stress test at 40.5 weeks and she started suggesting induction. I went into my 41-week appointment and I still didn’t want to do any medication but she offered the Foley bulb which he offered to put in there at the office and I would just come back the next day if it didn’t come out or if it started things then it started labor. 

Meagan: Then great, yeah. 

Wyn: Yeah. She went to put it in and my water broke. 

Meagan: Oh, change of plans. 

Wyn: Yep. Yeah. It was just a trickle. It wasn’t huge. She sent us home and told us to rest and to come back in the next morning. Come in if labor progressed or come in the next morning to start more induction since my water was broken. 

I went home and relaxed. I woke up about 2:00 in the morning to my water fully breaking everywhere and contractions started pretty instantly. I had adrenaline and I didn’t ease into it. They were 5-6 minutes apart, full-on contractions. Within a couple of hours, they were closer like 3-4 minutes so we went ahead and went to the hospital. There was a lot of rushing around and a lot of nurses coming in and out. 

I was in my own little world. I was stuck on the bed because they wanted to have the fetal monitor on. I was holding on for the non-medicated. I declined the IV because I thought that would be that much easier. 

Meagan: Easier access, mhmm. 

Wyn: But I had spiked a temperature from my water breaking. I couldn’t keep any Tylenol down so we went ahead and did the IV which took over an hour to get in because I have bad veins and lots of people tried and they eventually got an ultrasound to find a vein. 

Meagan: I was going to say for anyone who may have harder veins or situations like that, you can ask for the head anesthesiologist if there are multiple and for an actual ultrasound and it can really help them and get that in a lot faster. 

Wyn: I wish they had started that sooner. I was just being poked. 

Meagan: Lots of pokes, mhmm. 

Wyn: Yeah, and trying to labor through at the same time. 

They got that in. It didn’t really calm down. The baby’s heart rate was elevated to 170-180. It wasn’t really slowing down at all. Our midwife seemed a bit concerned and started suggesting a C-section. Yeah, just laying there, I was ready to give up. I didn’t want to, but she checked me and I was only 5 centimeters so I wasn’t even close to getting there.

They prepped me for surgery. I went in and baby girl was born in the morning at 8:50. Of course, they took her straight away to the warmer then I didn’t get to hold her until the recovery room. I was still shaking from medication. 

Basically, the birth was completely the opposite of what we had hoped for. 

Meagan: What you had planned, yeah. 

Wyn: Then later, the OB who did the surgery came in and told me that I have very interesting reproductive anatomy. He confirmed it was a left-sided unicornuate uterus. There was a small horn on the right side and my uterus, I guess, was really stretched out and almost see-through. 

Meagan: A uterine window. 

Wyn: Then the placenta was really attached and they had to work to get that out. They labeled that as placenta accreta. I was advised not to labor again if we ever had another baby and just to plan a C-section. 

I felt like I went through all of the stages of grief after and in postpartum for my birth. First, I was in denial because I just blocked it out. I was happy to have my baby. Then you add the sleep deprivation and postpartum hormones and I was a bit angry at myself for not advocating but also just all of the suggestions. Baby wouldn’t have changed anything. It was just a lot of what if’s. 

Meagan: Which is hard. It’s hard to what if this and what if that. Sometimes those what-ifs come up and we don’t get answers. 

Wyn: Yeah, but it just fueled my fire to try for a VBAC. 

Meagan: Mhmm. 

Wyn: So that was my first birth and C-section then our second pregnancy which again, we felt like our little girl was a miracle so we just didn’t know if we would be able to conceive again naturally or if we would have to go through IVF. We waited a little bit and another little miracle came in September 2023.

Meagan: Yay. 

Wyn: Yeah, that was pretty exciting. Of course, I had been researching VBAC from 6 months postpartum with my daughter. I felt like my best option for a physiological birth or as close to it would be at home. I didn’t want to fight the whole time in the hospital so I contacted two home birth midwives and they were both very nice and informative. They felt like I could VBAC but neither were comfortable supporting me at home with my previous birth– 

Meagan: And your uterus, yeah. 

Wyn: They both suggested I go back to my original midwife. I was a little upset at first that they wouldn’t support it but I also understood. I made an appointment with my original midwife. I went in with my guard up and ready to fight for the VBAC. She surprised me and was actually supportive of it. She said that we would just watch and see how things would go. She said there wasn’t any reason why we couldn’t try. I was a bit surprised but wondered if she remembered all of the details or had looked at my records. I just went with it at first but eventually, we talked about everything that happened during the birth. She got second opinions from people in her office and it was okay. 

Meagan: Awesome. 

Wyn: Yeah. I also reached out and hired a doula, Dawn, who was a wealth of information and super supportive. We met regularly. She gave me exercise assignments and movements for labor and positioning. She was just there to help me debrief after each appointment with my midwife. If anything was brought up, she gave me information or links so I could feel confident going forward. That was really cool. 

I saw a chiropractor and did massage. I drank Nora tea from about 34 weeks on. I just tried to cover all my bases to get the best outcome. 

This pregnancy, I actually grew quicker and was measuring ahead, not behind. A growth scan was suggested again, but I respectfully declined because I felt like everything was okay. I was just trying to lean into my intuition and I didn’t want to get a big baby diagnosis that could possibly–

Meagan: Big baby, small uterus. Yeah. I don’t blame you. 

Wyn: Yeah. Eventually, I ended up evening out at 37 weeks and was measuring right on. I just was a little bit quicker I guess. 

So I made it to my due date again at 40 weeks and I was offered a membrane sweep. I was offered a cervical check. I declined everything. I was doing good. I knew I went over with my daughter so I was prepared to go over again. 

40.5 weeks, induction was brought up. I said I wouldn’t talk about it until 42 weeks. 

Meagan: Good for you. 

Wyn: We scheduled a non-stress test again at 41 but I didn’t make it to that because I was starting to have cramping in the evenings. I wouldn’t consider them contractions but they were noticeable. Things were happening. I was trying to walk every day and just stay mentally at ease to keep my body feeling safe. 

So at 41 weeks exactly, I was having cramping in the evening. That was a bit stronger. I was putting my daughter down. My husband and I watched a show. I didn’t say anything to him or anything because I didn’t want to jinx it. We went to bed at 11:00. I fell asleep and slept really hard for an hour and a half. I woke up to contractions starting again full-on. I thought my water broke but I don’t think it was. I think it was just bloody show originally. 

Meagan: Yeah.

Wyn: I got up. I sat in the bathroom for a little bit and I was just super excited that it was starting on its own. I held out. 

I tried to time contractions a little bit at first. I knew it was happening so I just moved around the house quietly. I went and laid with my daughter for a half hour while she was sleeping because that was going to be our last time as the three of us. Yeah. I kept moving around for another half hour or so. By then, I needed the extra support. I woke my husband up. We texted our doula, Dawn, and she told me to hop in the shower for a little bit and she would get ready and head over soon.

She made it about 3:30 AM and I think I was in pretty full-blown labor. I was mostly sitting on the toilet laboring in there but I came out to the living room when she came and I was on all fours. I made a music playlist. I had the TENS unit. I had all of these coping skills prepared and I didn’t use anything. 

Meagan: You were in the zone. You were in the zone. Hey, but at least you were prepared with it. 

Wyn: Yeah, so about 4:45-5:00 in the morning, she suggested if we felt ready that maybe we would head into the hospital. My body was kind of bearing down a little bit wanting to push. We called my mom to come over and stay with our daughter. We called our midwife. She actually lives in our neighborhood. We called to give her a heads-up to get ready to meet us at the hospital. We got there at about 5:45. They did intake and called a nurse to bring us up to the room, and that nurse was our only real hurdle in the birth. She was not really supportive of natural birth or physiological birth. She made a couple of comments. She was trying to force me to get checked to admit me. 

I was obviously in labor because I was kind of pushing. I declined all of that. Eventually, she ended up not coming back in. She switched out with another nurse or maybe they told her to switch out, I’m not sure but that was nice that she removed herself from the situation. 

Meagan: I was going to say, good for her for realizing that her views didn’t align with your views and that she probably wasn’t needed at that birth. I don’t love when people are that way with clients of mine or whatever, but for her to step away, that says something so that’s really good. I’m glad she did for both of you.

Wyn: Yeah, before she left, she was trying to get an IV too. She couldn’t get an IV. I don’t know. 

Meagan: She was frustrated and you’re like, “Yeah, you could go.” 

Wyn: So yeah. Again, I was noticing all this going on but I was in my own little world. We got there. Our midwife, Christina, showed up. She asked if she could check me. I didn’t want to have cervical checks but because I was getting pushy, she didn’t want me to not be fully dilated and start pushing. I let her check and she said, “You’re complete and baby is right there. Lean into it. If you want to push, start pushing.” I couldn’t believe it. I prepared for labor. I had a moment that I had to wrap my mind around it because I couldn’t believe we were already there to start pushing.

I had requested my records so I was able to see all my time stamps. At about 6:30 was when she checked me. I pushed for about a half hour and the baby was born at 7:09 in the morning. It was exactly 41 weeks and 1 day, the same as my daughter. 

Meagan: Wow, and a much faster and much better experience. Your body just went into labor and was allowed to go into labor. You helped keep it safe to do what it wanted to do. 

Wyn: Yeah. Yeah. I was really excited to just be able. My body just did it all on its own which was pretty awesome. It was a pretty awesome feeling. 

Meagan: Very, very awesome. Do you have any tips for people who may feel strongly about not getting cervical exams or not getting IVs or doing those things but may have a pressuring nurse or someone who is like, “You have to do this. You have to do this. Our policy is this.” Do you have any advice on standing up for yourself and standing your ground?

Wyn: Yeah, be respectful but also just be really strong. I had my husband and my doula backing me up. We prepared for things like that. I had a birth plan that had my wishes on it so just yeah, standing strong and keep in with what you want. But also be ready to switch gears. Like I said, I didn’t want a cervical check but when my midwife got there and suggested it, I felt like, okay. I can go ahead with that. 

Meagan: You felt like it was okay at that point. That’s such a great thing to bring up. You can have your wishes and desires. You can be standing your ground and then your intuition may switch or your opinion may switch or the situation may switch. You can adapt with how it’s going or change your mind at any point both ways. You can be like, “I do want this and I actually decided I don’t want this anymore. I changed my mind.” 

We ask in our form, “What’s your best tip for someone preparing for a VBAC?” You said, “Find a great support team. Research all of the facts to make informed decisions and really lean into your motherly intuition.” I feel like through your story, that’s what you did. You learned the facts. You said even before you became pregnant, right? Your baby was 6 months old and you were starting to listen to the podcast and learn more about VBAC and what the evidence says and the facts then you got your support team. 

You just built it up. You knew exactly what you needed to do so you felt confident in saying, “No. I don’t want that IV” or “No, I don’t want that cervical exam for you to admit me. I’m going to have this baby with or without that cervical exam.” I think the more you are informed, the more likely you feel confident in standing your ground. 

Wyn: For sure. 

Meagan: Yeah, for sure. Well, oh my goodness. Huge congrats. Let’s just do a little shoutout to your midwife and your doula. Let’s see, it’s Christina? Where is she at again?

Wyn: Interior Women’s Health in Fairbanks, Alaska. 

Meagan: Awesome. So great of her to support you with a more unique situation too. She was like, “Let me do some research. Let me get some opinions. Okay, yes. We’re good.” I’m so glad you felt that support. Then your doula, Dawn, yes. Where is she again? Oh, Unspeakable Joy. 

Wyn: Yes. Yeah. 

Meagan: That is so awesome. I’m so glad that you had them. We love doulas here as I’m sure you have heard along the podcast. We absolutely love our doulas. We have a VBAC directory as well so you can find a doula at thevbaclink.com/findadoula. Then last but not least, in the form, you said that you took Needed. 

Wyn: Yes, I did. 

Meagan: Yes. Can you share your experience with taking Needed through pregnancy? Did you start before pregnancy? 

Wyn: Yeah. Right as I got pregnant with my second one, I took the prenatal. I took the probiotics and I still take them today postpartum. Then also, the electrolytes or the mineral packets and the nighttime powder that my husband and I take. We put it in our tea every night. 

Meagan: It’s amazing. It really is so amazing, huh? It’s kind of weird because I don’t have to finish it. I’m just sitting there sipping on it and I can just feel everything relax. I have a busy brain. I call it busy brain and my busy brain is a lot more calm when I take my sleep aid. 

Wyn: Yeah. I slept amazingly through pregnancy. Normally with my first, I had a lot of insomnia. It was very nice. 

Meagan: Yeah. Then the probiotics, I want to talk about probiotics in general. We never know how birth is going to go. We could have a Cesarean. We may have a fever and have to be given antibiotics or Tylenol or whatever it may be. If we can have a system that is preloaded essentially with probiotics, it really is going to help us and our gut flora in the end so no matter how that birth outcome it, that probiotic is so good for us because we never know what we are going to get or what we are going to receive in that labor. I’m excited. 

Wyn: Yeah, what is that stuff that they test you for? 

Meagan: Group B strep?

Wyn: Yeah, yeah. Sorry. I didn’t want that because I didn’t want to have an IV. 

Meagan: So, so important. I love it. They usually test for that around 36 weeks so really making sure that you are on the pre and probiotic. What I really love is that it is pre and pro so it really is helping to strengthen our gut flora so much. With GBS, with group B strep, they like to give antibiotics in labor. It’s sometimes a lot. They like to give rounds every 4 hours so you really could be impacting your gut flora. I love that you took that. You didn’t even have group B strep. Well, thank you so, so much for sharing your story. Is there any other advice or anything else you would like to share with our listeners today?

Wyn: Yeah, just again, find your support team and lean into your own intuition. You know what is right for your body and your babies. 

Meagan: It’s so true. I mean, from day one of this podcast, we’ve talked about that intuition. It is powerful. It is powerful and it can really lead us in the right path. We just have to sometimes stop and listen. Sometimes that’s removing yourself from a situation. Go into the bathroom and say, “I have to go to the bathroom.” Go to the bathroom, close your eyes, take a breath, and hear what your intuition is saying. It is so powerful. I couldn’t agree more. Thank you so much.

Closing

Would you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan’s bio, head over to thevbaclink.com. Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link.

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-vbac-link/donations

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Meagan records a short and sweet episode for you today talking all about OP reports. What are they and why do you need them for your VBAC prep? How do you request them? 

If you have a hard time interpreting your OP reports, try reaching out to your provider for clarification. You can also send us an email at [email protected] where you can schedule a one-on-one consultation with Meagan for extra help and encouragement!

How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents

Full Transcript under Episode Details 

Meagan: Hello, everyone. It is Meagan today. We are going to be talking about OP reports. What is an OP report? Why do we want to get an OP report? How do we get an OP report and how long are OP reports available before they go away?

We do have a Review of the Week so we are going to get into that and then I’m going to go over OP reports. This review is from Brittanyhenley9478. She says, “Such an amazing resource.” Her review says, “I am pregnant with my second baby and will try for a VBAC in 4 months. Since finding this podcast, I have learned so much and gained a lot of confidence in my decisions. I’m so thankful for the podcast, their Instagram, and the website. I can’t wait to come back and share my successful VBAC story with them later this year.” 

Brittany, if you are still listening to us and you are still with us, let us know how your birth went. I hope that it was amazing and thank you so much for your review. You guys, I say it every single week multiple times a week now, we love your reviews. I seriously love them so much. It makes me smile. It makes my heart so warm so if you have not yet left a review, would you mind doing that for me? I would love it and appreciate it so much. You can go to wherever you listen to your podcasts and leave us either a rating or a review. I know Apple Podcasts and Spotify actually I believe, allows you to do a written review or you can Google “The VBAC Link”. Remember VBAC is V-B-A-C, and then you can leave us a review there. That also helps people find the podcast, find the website, the blog, and even our Instagram account. 

As a reminder you guys, if you are just listening to the podcast, hello. Welcome. I am so glad that you are here but I also don’t want you to miss out on all of the other amazing resources that we have. We have our Instagram account and Facebook account. We have a private Facebook group. You can look that up at The VBAC Link Community on Facebook. You do have to answer some questions so answer those questions and then we can let you in. It is such a beautiful space with people who are really in the same place as you– wanting to know their options, wanting to know the evidence, and wanting to feel that community love during this journey. 

We have a YouTube account and we do have our blog and our website and we also have a course. You can find all of that at thevbaclink.com. You can enter in your email there. We can put you into our subscription where we send weekly emails on updated blogs, updated studies, tips, resources, and all of the amazing things that we feel is really important for you to know during your VBAC journey. Again, you can find that at thevbaclink.com and of course, you can check it all out for free and again, enter your email in and we will make sure to get you those weekly emails. 

Okay, I’m going to go really quickly today but I really feel this is such an important thing to know. It’s not something that I one, knew was even a choice that I could have or two, was something that I should do so I could really learn more and understand more of what my provider was saying about my births and the reasons why the births happened with my body and my post-recovery and all of these things. It’s so good to know what they are saying about your procedure and your Cesarean, your birth. 

So okay. Steps to get OP reports. There are multiple ways and I know since I started requesting my reports back in 2015, it has changed a lot. A lot of people have an online portal with your provider where you can get your labs and a lot of these things. A lot of the times, their OP reports are included in there or there is a little drop-down option where you can request your OP reports. So if you have that, I highly suggest trying that or you can call your provider and ask for your medical records and your OP report. 

Sometimes they don’t really have them and they don’t want to give them to you so they may make you go to the medical records department in the hospital. Now, that is what I had to do. I called my hospital that I gave birth at. It was the same hospital for both of my babies so if you have to go to multiple hospitals, definitely make phonecalls so you’re not running around. 

Give them a call and say, “Hi. I really want to request my OP reports. I’ve had a Cesarean. What do I need to do to get those?” For me, I had to go in and request them with a form. It took about 5 minutes. It was really quite quick and easy and it took about 15 minutes to print them out. They did give me a hard copy which I loved having so I could highlight and write down and everything. 

But these forms are so important for you to have so you can understand and then for me, I did it before I was pregnant and I used it so I could have this form with me as I was going to find my supportive provider so they could have a better, deeper understanding of what was said about me and my body and my reasoning for a Cesarean. 

I want to give you a little bit of a warning. Sometimes you’ll find different reasons from what you were told and that can be very frustrating so just a heads up there. 

Another thing that is important to remember is that every state is different. They don’t just have these medical records saved on file forever. Here in Utah, I was told that it was 7 years. I know that it varies all around. I know Arizona is 6 years. New York, I think, is 6 years. Florida is 8 years. California and Utah, like I said, I think is 7 years. So definitely get your records as soon as you can. Now, I know most people are having babies anywhere from 1-5 years apart but I do think the sooner the better you can get these records is just better. 

So again, check out the portal. Call your provider. Go to medical records. Do whatever you can to obtain these OP reports and if you have a hard time understanding them, they have all of these weird things in there, don’t hesitate to reach out to your provider and say, “What does this mean? What did you mean by this?” I have also done one-on-one consults with many people to go over and process their medical records and help them come up with a path for what their next step could be for their future births and VBAC. I’m no medical professional by any means but I have been doing this for years and love doing it so if you would like to learn more about a one-on-one consult, you can email us at [email protected]. I would absolutely love to chat with you. 

Okay, everybody. Like I said, it was going to be short and sweet, but I really, really think it is important. If you are preparing for your VBAC, put this on the list of things to do. If you have just had a Cesarean, put that on the thing too to request. You don’t even have to look at it right now. It’s something you can have and put away but I do believe so much that it is important to have these and understand what our providers are saying and writing down about us. 

Okay, everybody. We’ll talk to you later. 

Closing

Would you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan’s bio, head over to thevbaclink.com. Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link.

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/the-vbac-link/donations

Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Rebekah’s first Cesarean was a birth center transfer after her baby boy unexpectedly flipped breech during labor. Though she was confident in her decision to consent to a Cesarean, she was devastated and left with a lot to process. 

Right away, Rebekah’s midwives instilled confidence that she was a great VBAC candidate and introduced her to The VBAC Link. Rebekah thoroughly researched and prepped for her VBAC knowing it was the path she wanted to take. She decided to stay with the same birth center as she felt so loved and supported by them. 

Her second pregnancy was filled with physical, mental, and spiritual preparation for her VBAC. Rebekah developed a deep connection with her baby girl and shares precious stories during both her pregnancy and labor when she knew just what her baby was trying to communicate. 

Rebekah’s VBAC was healing in so many ways. It was particularly special to birth in the same suite that she labored in with her first and have such a different outcome. All of Rebekah’s intentional work paid off to help her have a very sacred birth and postpartum experience!

How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents

Full Transcript under Episode Details 

Meagan: Hello, everybody. Welcome to The VBAC Link. We have our friend, Rebekah, here today and she is local to me here in Utah so it’s always so fun to hear a Utah story especially because I usually know the provider and the location and things like that or I’ve served with them so it’s fun to hear the stories that I have served with the people who are serving these amazing VBAC mamas. 

We have our friend, Rebekah, like I said and she is a mama of two. She is a stay-at-home mom and is in Spanish Fork. She is passionate about birth and hopes to one day pursue birth work. She hired one of our VBAC Link certified doulas so just as a reminder, if you guys are looking for a doula, let me just tell you that our doulas are amazing. These doulas truly love birth and love VBAC and are all certified in VBAC so you can check that out at thevbaclink.com/findadoula if you are looking for a doula. 

Rebekah left us a note. It says, “The after-birth high doesn’t always happen. I have heard so many stories of women who experienced it and I was expecting to feel that. I however did not.” She says, “Don’t feel robbed of it.” She was confused why she didn’t feel it but she is going to talk a little bit more in her story. I love that message because I didn’t feel the birth high with some of my kids either and it is weird. I remember sitting there thinking, Wait, aren’t I supposed to be crying right now or aren’t I supposed to be screaming how happy I am right now? It just didn’t come. 

Please know that if you didn’t have that immediate birth high, it’s okay. It’s totally okay. 

We do have a Review of the Week. It is from Yulia and this is actually on our VBAC Course. It says, “This is an amazing VBAC Course that helped me understand how I can educate and support families in the best way.” She is actually one of our VBAC doulas so again, if you guys are looking for more information on VBAC and you really want to learn just all of the history of VBAC and Cesarean and how you can increase your chances of VBAC, check out our course at thevbaclink.com and let us know if you take it. Let us know what you think about it. 

All right, Ms. Rebekah. Your hometown is Utah, same as me. We are here together. You’re in Utah County. You’re probably 45-50 minutes away from me so just shy of an hour. Where did you give birth for your VBAC? 

Rebekah: It was the Utah Birth Suites in Provo. 

Meagan: Okay. Awesome, awesome. Well, I’m so excited to get into your stories today. I know that with your first one, you went through it. It was spontaneous labor turned unplanned Cesarean. Now if you are listening, I’m sure you can raise your hand. How many of us are having the same situations? We are going into labor and we have that unplanned Cesarean. It’s so, so hard. Before we get into your story, are there any suggestions that you would give to the listeners or any tips for moms just like us for moms who went into labor and had an unplanned Cesarean?

Rebekah: The heartbreak and the trauma that comes with that is really hard to navigate so in planning a VBAC, my number one piece of advice is hire a doula. Hire a VBAC-certified doula and do all of the hard work you can to mentally prepare. Try not to blame yourself for the C-section because I know we all do that at some point if it wasn’t planned. 

Meagan: Yeah. I love that you said that. Don’t blame yourself but at the same time, let’s arm ourselves up with information and even first-time moms, there are so many times that we go in and we think we sort of educated ourselves but we didn’t. If we can try and educate ourselves a little bit better, we can hopefully be a little bit more armed for the unexpected and even then when the unexpected happens, it’s not easy to be armed. It’s not easy to be prepared. 

Okay, so let’s talk about that first birth that was an unplanned Cesarean. 

Rebekah: Yeah. I got pregnant in 2020 so COVID insanity and I had known even before I got married that I didn’t want to be in a hospital. I’m number 6 of 7 kids and my mom had all of us unmedicated. I was a home baby. Some of us were born at home. Some were in a hospital. Some were in a birth center. I just really felt that in my bones and in my genes that I can give birth. It’s not scary. My mom did this this many times without medication. My sister did it 5 times so I really felt confident. 

With everything happening in hospitals during COVID, I just was like, I don’t even want to try to mess with that so let’s go the midwife route. I got in contact with a friend of mine who was a doula and she recommended the Utah Birth Suites in Provo. I reached out to them. We toured a couple of different birth centers and that birth center just felt right. We met almost the entire team that first day in the interview. They spent almost an hour just chatting with us. 

I was about maybe 18 weeks, 20ish weeks. I was about halfway through my pregnancy. I had two or three meetings with an OB because I didn’t have a midwife and it just wasn’t my favorite. It was so long between visits and they lasted about 15 minutes. I saw a different person each time. It felt very impersonal and I don’t like repeating myself over and over again to all of these different people. It didn’t feel right. It wasn’t really what I was looking for. 

I found the Birth Suites and they took care of me for the rest of my pregnancy. I had a little bit of hypertension issues toward the end so the last three or four weeks were really juggling this game of, are we looking at induction this weekend? My blood pressure would read really, really high then I would do all of the things to bring it back down. I was watching my nutrition and taking the vitamins and everything to bring it down. It would come down just within a safe enough range to keep giving me care. 

Legally, if it crossed that line into worries of preeclampsia, then legally they had to transfer me into the care of an OB. My midwife was really working hard with me to keep it down. It was doing this up/down thing and by the end of each week, it was like, “Okay, we might have to induce you in a couple of days if you want to stick with us.” I was okay with that. My midwife had talked with me about that so it wasn’t pushed on me. 

I was doing everything to stay within their care. That was my whole goal so if I had to be induced, that’s what I would do. But every weekend came and passed and my blood pressure would come back down. Finally, it was the day before my due date. I went into labor in the middle of the night. It was maybe 2:30 in the morning. I felt my first contraction. I could tell it was labor because it was different than all of my Braxton Hicks. The only sign I had that labor was going to start was that I had cramping the day before. I was like, “Oh, this is kind of uncomfy.” I didn’t think anything of it. 

As a first-time mom, I didn’t know a ton. I did as much research as I possibly could but labor is so random with every mom and baby. There really is no way to tell. I go into labor early in the morning and I woke up my husband. I said, “I think I’m in labor. I think these are contractions. They’re not stopping. They’re getting really intense.” Intense compared to the Braxton Hicks I had been feeling. 

I let him sleep and I went into a different room and classic first-time mom mistake. Instead of resting, I got up and started moving and trying to get things going because I was all excited. I didn’t want things to slow down. I was timing them and texting my midwife. She said, “See if you can lay down. Take a Tylenol if they are super uncomfortable and try to get as much sleep as possible because you’ve got some time.” 

I tried doing that. It wasn’t working for me. I was super uncomfy laying down. I did not like it at all. I felt good when I was up and moving because I think that slowed things down but I didn’t know the difference. I just knew it was less uncomfortable. I was like, “I’m not going to be sleeping. Let’s just go do something.” We went on a drive. We did a little shopping. We walked around. We went back home. We hung out for a little bit. 

Then my husband was like, “Do you think I’m okay to go to work?” I was like, “I think you are. You can go to work. I think we have plenty of time. Things are still pretty spread out right now. We can call our doula and she’ll come hang out with me at home.” So that’s what we did. Our doula came over and my husband went to work and everybody was like, “What are you doing here? Your wife is having a baby. What’s going on?” He was like, “She’s fine. She has our doula.” 

Our doula was with me for a couple of hours and things had picked up enough to where I felt like he needed to be home so we called him back home. Things were moving on not slowly but slower than I wanted. I was just trying to be patient and let things go–

Meagan: Trusting the process. 

Rebekah: Yes, exactly. I’m not a very patient person so this really was a big learning experience for me. 

So my doula is keeping contact with our midwife and eventually, it was like, “Okay, I think you’re good to head to the birth center. It looks like things are pretty steady now.” We got to the birth center. I really wanted a water birth so they drew a tub and I relaxed in the water and tried some different positions. Hands and knees in the water were hard and uncomfortable. They gave me a towel to keep from slipping around but it was really uncomfortable. My knees didn’t like staying in that position and I didn’t want to be laying back. 

So I just wiggled around in the water a little bit. They were like, “Let’s see if we can get you in a different position and try to get things moving a little bit.” So they got me out of the water. We tried the birth stool. I did not like the birth stool but it helped me progress a ton so that was good. I think I lost my mucus plug on the birth stool. I was feeling tons of pain in my lower back, like lots and lots of pain in my lower back. My thighs were shaky and I felt a lot of intense sensations in my thighs whenever I would have a contraction. There was a lot going on with my body that I wasn’t really prepared for or expecting. 

I got back in the water to help relieve my back a little bit and I ended up getting stuck on my back lying back in the tub. It was getting to the point where I was almost passing out between my contractions because I was so, so tired. My body had been working for so long and it just felt like things weren’t quite where they needed to be with how long I had been working. 

Again, my midwife said, “If you pass out, we will have to transfer you.” They gave me the oxygen and some essential oils to smell to keep me awake. They were trying to help me as best as they could. I guess my husband was out in the hall with the midwives and it was student midwives who were taking care of me and there was the head midwife who was overseeing them. They had a little pow-wow about what they thought we should do. The midwife was very big on mother-led labor. She was like, “Well, she’s a first-time mom.” 

I had been in labor for so long that things were concerning at this point so it was just, “Let’s give her a little bit more time and try to keep her awake and see how things are going. She’s doing great. She’s tired and this is normal.” A bit more time passed and one of the student midwives was like, “We need to check her. She should be farther along by now. She says she’s pushing. She feels like she’s pushing but we are not seeing the water separation and as much opening as we would like to see.” 

They got me out of the water and onto the bed and the head midwife performed a cervical check to see what was going on. I had a contraction while she checked me and my water broke. It was just full of meconium. She said, “I can feel his bum. He’s breech.” It was crazy because we thought he had been head down the entire time but when I was in the water, there was a big movement in my belly and I was like, “Oh, that was kind of crazy.” We thought, did he flip? When we realized he was breech, was that movement him flipping while I was in labor?

Then my midwife also made a comment later, “Well, maybe he was bum down longer than we thought he was. Maybe that wasn’t the flip.” It had everybody baffled. My midwife has been practicing for a couple of decades. She’s very experienced and this had everybody stumped. She had never really seen anything like this happen before so at this point, she said, “Well, you have two options. We will send you home and send you a midwife who can deliver breech babies,” because she was licensed and in Utah, licensed midwives aren’t allowed to deliver breech babies which I think is silly. She had the training and experience. She just legally wasn’t allowed to do it. 

She said, “We can send you home and send you a midwife or you can go to the hospital where they will definitely do a C-section.” She gave us a couple of minutes. We weren’t in any emergent situation. The baby wasn’t in distress. His heartbeat had been great the whole time so there was no reason to believe that he was struggling at all. She gave us a couple of minutes to decide. 

Earlier in my pregnancy, I received a blessing from my husband and was told something like, “However our child is supposed to come into this world–”, and I was like, “Well, that’s silly. He’s going to come how we are planning on him to come.” I remembered that in this moment and said, “I think this is what that meant. I think he was always supposed to be a C-section.” It was a very interesting combination of feelings happening at the same time, remembering that and knowing this was how it was supposed to go but also being beyond devastated that this was the path things took. 

So we chose the C-section not because first of all, the thought of having more contractions in the car was like, I’m not going to do that. I just knew it wasn’t safe. I was almost passing out and I knew that a breech baby can sometimes be a bit more work. I was in no position to do that. So my husband drove us to the hospital and I had maybe three contractions in the car. Our midwives called the hospital to tell them what was going on and that we were coming so they were ready for us. It was very quick. 

We got there. They took great care of us and had me in the operating room and the rest was history. We had the C-section. The anesthesiologist was so sweet. He was this old man who spoke really softly and assured me that everything was going great. He stayed with us the whole time through the surgery. I heard him cry and it was great. They wrapped him up. They held his cheek against mine for a minute and then they took him out. My husband followed him and then they stitched me up. 

That was my C-section. We spent 3 days in the hospital. My birthing team came to visit me one by one in the hospital and every single one of them told me that I was a great candidate for a VBAC. They told me about The VBAC Link so that’s when I started on my whole journey listening to you guys and started to really plant those seeds that, “You are capable. You didn’t fail. You are able to do this still.” 

I know that some moms after having a birth experience don’t really want to hear these things and they weren’t in a place to hear those things, but for me, it was really great to immediately have that confidence spoken into me. That was my C-section. 

Meagan: Yes. I love that your team knew you so well to know that that was what you needed to hear in that time. Those were the things that you needed to hear. So knowing right away that you were a good VBAC candidate, was it something that stayed with you and you were like, this is what I want to do?

Rebekah: Yes, absolutely. It wasn’t ever a question if I was going to have a repeat Cesarean. That was never part of my plan. You can’t really plan birth but I had never really had that fear of, Am I going to need another C-section? There’s always a little bit of it there, but it was always, I’m going to have a VBAC. That’s what we’re going to do from that point forward.

Meagan: You knew. You felt that it was right. You found out about us at The VBAC Link. You had your providers already. Did you stay with the same providers or did you switch? 

Rebekah: Yeah. 

Meagan: Okay, stayed. 

Rebekah: Well, technically yes. I stayed with the same Birth Suites and the head midwife who was overseeing the student midwives who cared for me in my first pregnancy was the one who cared for me during my second. I got to know her a little bit better during my second pregnancy and she was ahead of everything at that time. 

Meagan: Okay, awesome. So you are pregnant now for the second time. Tell us about this amazing VBAC journey. 

Rebekah: Yeah. So I got pregnant– when was it? It was probably late summer, early fall when I got pregnant with my second. I immediately reached out to– she’s a licensed midwife now but the student midwife who was in charge of my care the last time. I reached out to her because I loved her so much. I said, “I’m pregnant again and I would really love for you to take care of me.”

She said, “Well, when you are due is right when I go on leave.” I said, “That’s great timing.” I reached out to another girl who was on our team who I loved and the same thing. They were taking their leave at the same time. She was like, “But it’s within a week. You’re due within a week of when I go on leave. If you end up having your baby before I go on leave, are you okay with me being there?” I was like, “Yes. I would love for you to be there if you can to support.” That’s not what ended up happening, but it was fine.

I reached out to Melissa. She’s one of the owners at Utah Birth Suites. She started that whole business. I got to know her with my first so I reached out to her and said, “I’m pregnant again and would love to be in your care.”

It was really great that she already knew my history with my first pregnancy and first birth. I had stayed in contact with them. They do a lot of things in the community and they try to stay in touch with their moms who they take care of. It’s not like it had been 3 years since I had seen her. I had seen them here and there so I felt really comfortable with her. I had a couple concerns with this pregnancy with the hypertension issues and stuff that we had with him being breech. There were just things that I really wanted to stay on top of and keep an eye on. 

My blood pressure was fantastic throughout this entire pregnancy. It was at such a healthy level the entire time. We never had that concern of preeclampsia or hypertension because it just wasn’t a factor. It was really nice. I was doing all of the things this time around with the vitamins and supplements and nutrition and water intake and all of the things that I neglected with my first pregnancy. I was super, super determined to have this VBAC. 

My midwife really pushed protein– lots and lots and lots of protein. We really wanted to strengthen that uterus and try to be as strong as we possibly could so I really took that to heart and tried my best. I got really excited when I came up with a new recipe that had a ton of protein. I would take a picture and send it to her and write up the recipe. I was like, “I’m so excited about this one.” It’s like when a kid draws a picture and is so excited and their parent sticks it on the fridge. That was how I felt. I was like, “Look at me. I’m working so hard this time.” 

I was worried about her flipping breech but that was never an issue either. She stayed head down the whole time. This was a little side note that was interesting. During my anatomy scan to find out the gender, the ultrasound tech was looking over everything and he said, “There’s no way to really tell for sure because your uterus has expanded now,” but he said, “I wonder if you have a bicornuate uterus.” 

He said, “Because your birth was breech, right? He flipped?” We had seen this ultrasound tech for the first so he knew everything that happened there. So I said, “Yeah. He flipped breech.” I had never heard that word before. I didn’t know what that was. He explained it to me and said, “It’s really common for women with a bicornuate uterus to have babies who flip breech.” So I was like, “Okay, that’s interesting.” He said, “After you have this baby and your uterus shrinks back to normal, we should take a look at it.” I have yet to do that but I’m curious too. She never flipped breech so I don’t know. Maybe I just have a goofy-shaped uterus. I don’t know.

Meagan: Maybe or it was just a freak thing. Baby needed to be head up. 

Rebekah: I don’t know. That was interesting and I’m curious to see what the results of that are. But anyway, we got in contact with a doula, a VBAC-certified doula in the area. Her name is Isabelle and she is fantastic. She is absolutely phenomenal. She is also a birth assistant so she is fully immersed in this birth world. She is so knowledgeable and has tons of experience. We clicked really fast and I knew that I wanted her to be our doula. 

She really just was invaluable the whole time. She recommended that I do some fear-release exercises and meditations to work through some of the trauma that I didn’t really realize that I had from my first birth. I thought I had processed and accepted as much as I could but I think healing isn’t a linear process and being pregnant again and having another baby brought up a lot of stuff and a lot of fears. On a personal note that I won’t really get into, I had a different set of fears surrounding this pregnancy for different reasons so there was just a lot to work on emotionally and mentally. I took that very seriously. This was a very sacred and spiritual pregnancy for me. 

Maybe it’s just like that mother-daughter bond. I don’t know. I felt way more connected to my baby this time and I really wanted to do my due diligence in making sure that my mind and my spirit were in a good spot for this pregnancy and this birth. 

One of the fear release exercises she sent me was one provided by The VBAC Link. It was a little worksheet to get your mind going and there are specific questions on there about what are some fears you have and where do you think those fears come from? It was that kind of stuff and toward the bottom, it helps you reframe those a little bit. 

Meagan: Yeah. 

Rebekah: It had me write out what my fears were and then to write an affirmation to counter each fear. I had 20 affirmations all written down just to go along with this list of fears. Then I actually used a couple of those and printed them out as my visual affirmations for when I was in labor. 

So fast forward, we’re about 38 weeks and I was thinking for whatever reason that this baby girl was going to be early. So 38 weeks came around and I was starting to get excited. I’m like, “I think she’s going to be here pretty soon.” I was starting to have some prodromal labor which I didn’t experience with my son so that really reinforced the idea that she would be here soon and that was not the case. 

I had 2.5 weeks, well yeah. I guess it was about 2.5. Normal labor started around 39 weeks. So every night on the clock from 8:00, I would start getting really intense contractions that felt like early labor with my son but I also had much stronger Braxton Hicks this entire pregnancy so I was like, “I can’t really tell the difference.” I told my doula that. I was like, “I’m afraid I’m going to miss you and I’m not going to reach out to you in time or you’re not going to make it to us in time because I won’t know when labor is actually happening.” That was a big worry of mine this time around. It was so different than with my son. 

She said, “It’s okay. You can just text me as much as you need to and as much as you want.” So I did. I texted her a lot the last few weeks and she was like, “Your body is doing great.” She told me that in her experience, she said, “Just from what I’ve seen with my VBAC moms, I actually see prodromal labor happen a lot. I personally think that it’s the body’s way of being more gentle rather than doing all of the labor hard and fast at once. It’s lots of little bits of labor to get your body ready and ease into it so it’s not as intense on your body.” I was like, “You know, that makes sense.” 

I don’t know. I don’t think there are any studies around that that I know of, but that made sense to me. I really tried to just internalize that and not get too discouraged when things would stop as soon as I went to bed which they did every time. At 8:00, they would pick up and be there for a couple hours then it would stop when I fell asleep then I’d be fine until the next night when it would pick up again. 

My husband and I would go on a walk every single night and on these walks, I could have sworn that she was going to fall out. I could feel that she was right there. I could feel that my body was literally opening. I could tell that I was dilated. I never got cervical checks this time around which was oddly empowering. I really trusted my body and knew that things would happen regardless of the number that my body was dilated. 

I had no idea but my midwife was like, “You know, it wouldn’t surprise me if you are sitting at a 4 right now.” So if anyone has experienced prodromal labor, you know how exhausting it is and how discouraging it is mentally, physically, emotionally– all of it. It had been a couple of weeks of this and I had officially gone past 40 weeks. 

I’m officially overdue and my son being born right on time, it was really frustrating that I was going past my date with this one. I didn’t want to be induced. There was really no reason for it other than I was getting tired of being pregnant. 

My midwife was supportive if I wanted an induction. After I hit 40 weeks, I think she would have done it. She said, “Oh, we can do this,” but she also was really encouraging and assured me that my body was doing what it needed to. It was normal to feel discouraged, but let’s just give your body time, especially with a VBAC. Induction can come with its own set of risks. I knew that. It was just such a mental battle trying to remember that. I know the risks sometimes can be small, not that it would worry me personally. For some moms, I know it would but for me, the risks that came with induction weren’t enough for me to say no to it completely. 

But also, you never know so let’s not play that game. Let’s just be as patient as we can. 

A couple of days before I went into labor, I had it. I was over it. I was in the middle of a breakdown in tears just exhausted. I was with my husband and I said, “Why isn’t she here yet? Why doesn’t she want to come?” I was just processing things out loud and I said, “I know my body is ready. I can feel it. My body is open. She is so far down there. I feel like her head is going to pop out any second. What is going on? Why have I not gone into labor?”

Then he just was really comforting to me and letting me process how I needed to and then I said, “I feel like she’s scared.” That was a really interesting feeling. Like I said, I felt more connected to this baby and it was like a lightbulb that was the answer. Your body is ready but your baby is not. We were overdue at this point so I said, “I feel like she’s scared. I’m not quite sure why, but I’m almost positive that’s it.” 

So I took a moment to kind of then go into myself. I went into a different room by myself and again in tears was just sobbing and praying and spent some time talking with the Lord and then I spent some time talking to my baby. I told her, “We’re ready for you. We are so, so ready for you. I know you are scared. I don’t know why but you’re not going to be alone. We’re going to go through this together. You’re going to be safe. Mommy and Daddy are going to take care of you. You’re going to be okay.” It just was a really, really sweet moment. 

Two days later, I went into labor. 

Meagan: Ohh. 

Rebekah: I guess she just needed that reassurance that things were going to be okay. 

Meagan: She needed the okay. Yeah. 

Rebekah: Yeah. I think she felt that something was coming with all of this prodromal labor. She knew that things were picking up and she just needed a little pep talk. 

So this time around, again, around 3:00 AM– I guess that’s when babies like to come. I hear that so, so many times between 2:00 and 3:00 AM is when things start to happen. I don’t know why that is the magical hour, but it is. 

This time, because we know I was afraid I wouldn’t know when labor had started, this time is started with my water breaking. My water didn’t break until after 17 hours of labor with my son. I was asleep and woke up to re-situate myself and I felt this pop inside my body. It kind of hurt a little bit. I was like, what was that? It was a really weird sensation. I thought, Was that my water? I reached down and I feel around. I’m like, Well, I’m not wet. I stood up just to see what was going on and there was this huge, giant gush. I was like, Well, yep. There it is. 

This was probably my favorite part of my entire labor. My husband was asleep and I said, “Honey, honey, my water broke.” He was still half asleep and he said, “Do you want me to fill it up for you?” He thought that I had dropped my water bottle or something. I was like, “No, honey. My water broke.” He jumps up and he’s like, “Oh, oh.” He started freaking out and he was like, “What are you supposed to do?” He was frantically looking around. He was still half asleep. I was like, “Okay, take a breath. Go get me a towel first of all,” because I was gushing all over the floor. “Get me a towel and then text Melissa (my midwife)” or my doula. I didn’t know who it was. I said, “Let them know.” 

He said, “Are you okay? Do we need to go somewhere? What’s going on?” I said, “No, we have time. Water breaking is not a big deal.” I had done lots and lots of research and listened to a million birth stories so at this point, I feel like a pro because I am fully immersed in this birth world. I said, “No, I’m okay. I’m just going to change and lay back down because I’m not having contractions yet. I feel fine, but I do need to rest so I’m going to change myself and lay down.” That’s what I did. I wasn’t going to repeat the mistakes of my first birth of moving too fast. 

Meagan: Getting too excited and yes. 

Rebekah: Yeah, especially with the exhaustion that I was feeling toward the end of my labor with my son, I was like, I don’t want to feel that again. I lay back down. I know myself well enough that I wasn’t going to fall back asleep. There was no way that was going to happen, but I was like, But I need to stay as relaxed as possible. We kept the lights really low. I put my birth playlist on and just really did some breathing to keep myself relaxed and as open as I possibly could. 

That’s how I labored for the next several hours but things got intense really fast. As soon as my water broke, I knew that my contractions were going to be more intense. Even though labor had technically just started, I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to be in labor for very long because it had been 2.5 weeks of prodromal stuff. I was like, I think this is going to be quick. 

I was really unsure of what to do though because I was timing my contractions. I have screenshots and was sending them to my doula. She said, “Oh, those look great but let’s wait an hour and see how that goes.” But I was feeling like things were picking up. I felt like things were getting more intense but people kept telling me to wait. My midwife was like, “Oh, you have time.” My doula was like, “Oh, you have time.” I told my husband, “I don’t know what to do because everyone is telling me that I have time but I don’t think we do.” 

Every time I stood up to go to the bathroom or get in the shower– I tried the water in the shower because my doula said, “Sometimes that can make things a little bit more comfortable. Some women like to labor in the shower for a little bit.” I thought I’d try that. I loved the water but I did not like being upright. I did not like standing because it made contractions so, so intense but they were short. They were half the length than when I was lying down. 

I think they thought I had time because there were still several minutes between contractions and they were still pretty long. They were like, “We want them just a little bit shorter and a little bit closer together,” or longer contractions. I don’t remember. 

I was like, There is something in me that is telling me that this is moving pretty quickly. I don’t like being upright and I feel like I need to rest. It was a lot of weird stuff going on in my head trying to figure out how to handle things. I stayed in bed. It was this instinct in me, “You need to stay lying down.” Any time I stood up, it picked things up and for any birth with other moms, that’s what you want, right? You want things to pick up and you want things to progress and technically standing upright was progressing things, but it didn’t feel right to me for whatever reason. I knew I needed to be resting and lying down. 

I was starting to get tired. I texted my midwife and said, “I’m starting to get worried because I don’t feel like I should be this tired this early, especially with how much I’ve been lying down and resting.” She said, “I think you need a little boost of energy.” She said, “Eat a snack and go outside and take a walk. Get some fresh air. Get some sunlight.” In my head, I was like, I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to be up. Every time I stand up, I can’t explain it. 

Everything in my body and spirit was like, “You need to stay lying down.” I was like, “You know what? She’s been doing this longer than I have. I’m going to trust her. I’m going to do it.” I make my way upstairs and as I’m getting a snack, I have a contraction that just had me seeing stars. I almost passed out. It was so, so intense and I told my husband, “I’m going to throw up. I’m going to pass out.” I leaned against the counter. He rubbed my back and when it was over, I ate my snack really, really quick. It was a sugary snack to give me a blood sugar boost. I ate my snack really fast and then immediately went to the living room and got on my knees and leaned against the couch. Again, I can’t be standing. 

Meagan: Yeah, and gravity is causing it to happen too much. 

Rebekah: Yeah, and I was like, I don’t have the capacity right now to handle these standing. I need to be more grounded. I got on my knees on the couch and my husband was like, “Are you okay?” I was like, “Yes, I just can’t stand up.” I had a few contractions on the couch because everyone was telling us to wait so I was like, “Okay, let’s just do a few more contractions and see how these were going.” 

That’s when I hit transition. It was a little before 9:00 AM or it would be 8:30-8:40. I had a few contractions and they got really, really intense really quickly. It was starting to get a little bit more painful. I was feeling a lot more pressure in my bum and I had to physically relax my pelvic floor and open it because things were starting to feel a little bit pushy. I say that’s when transition was. I actually don’t know. I feel like I breezed through the transition phase because things just happened so fast. I would guess that’s when it was. 

We called our midwife. Our doula hadn’t come to us yet. I called maybe an hour before and said, “Why don’t you make your way to us because things are starting to pick up?” She said, “Okay.” She lives maybe an hour away. So she’s on her way to us and hasn’t made it to us yet. We call our midwife and say, “Things are pretty intense over here.” She listened to a couple of contractions over the phone and she said, “Those sound great. You’re doing awesome.” These contractions, I was getting really, really vocal through them, and having gone through labor unmedicated with my son, I knew that I was pretty close just based on the noises that I was making and the way my body was feeling. I was like, We’re pretty close here. 

She said, “Okay, do you want to meet me? Let’s meet at the birth center at 10:00,” which means we would have had to leave 20 or 30 minutes from that time or from the time we were at. I said, “We can’t do this at home for another 20 minutes.” I had another contraction and my husband and I both go, “No, we’re coming now. We can’t stay here and do this for another 30 minutes. Things are moving too fast.” She said, “Okay, great. I’ll meet you there.” 

We called our doula and we said, “Go straight to the birth center.” The birth center is kind of in the middle of us so she didn’t have to backtrack. We get to the birth center. Our doula met us there. She said, “You had one contraction after you got there and the next one, you were pushing.” My midwife was there maybe less than 10 minutes after we showed up, between 5-10 minutes but I had a couple of pushing contractions with just my husband and my doula at the birth center. 

When I got to the birth center, I assumed the position. I got on my knees and leaned against a chair because that’s how I had been doing it at home. I loved it. Every time I would have a contraction, I would put my hands on the ground so I was on hands and knees and I would lean back a little bit. Everything in my body just told me to get as low to the ground as you possibly can. Any amount of pressure or sensation on my body was amazing. It just kept me feeling grounded because of my son, when I was in the tub leaning back, I kept reaching up like this saying, “Help me. I need help. Help me.” I felt so untethered and nobody knew what to do for me because I was in the tub. They couldn’t do counterpressure on my hips or my back because of the position I was in. 

It was just like, there’s nothing we can do for you. I refused to move so it was like I got stuck in this position where I felt so ungrounded and untethered. But this time around, I was solid. I loved it and I actually had a bruise on my forehead the next day because I was pushing my forehead against the chair every time I had a contraction. But it was awesome. I loved that feeling of feeling so solid and grounded. 

I had pushed for maybe an hour before she was born and I felt that ring of fire. It made me say a bad word. I was like, “Oh my gosh,” because I didn’t feel it with my son. When I leaned back during a contraction, I could see some blood on the chucks pad on the ground that I was moving on and I asked them, “Am I tearing?” There was a pause and my midwife said, “Your body is stretching exactly how it’s supposed to.” So that was tearing. She was not going to tell me, “Yeah, you are.” 

She was really encouraging and she was like, “Your body is stretching the way it is supposed to,” but in my head, I was like, I know I’m tearing. I could feel it. It wasn’t horrible, but I could tell. 

I had this memoir going on in my head the whole time where I literally had to tell myself, You’re not going to break. You’re not going to break, because those sensations on my pelvis while pushing her head out were so intense. 

Meagan: Intense, yeah. 

Rebekah: It just felt like my pelvis was going to crack but I knew that wasn’t the case. My body was made to do this. It was doing what it was supposed to do. It was really a big mental battle. I’ve heard a lot of women talk about how they go into labor land and it was this out-of-body experience, but when I tried to do that and let go I guess is the term, that’s when I started to feel fear set in and I felt really uncomfortable when things got more painful so I really had to keep myself in my body. 

I am not the type that can just close my eyes and say, “Okay, my body is just going to do the work.” I couldn’t do that. I had to really stay fully present. I guess I needed to feel that sense of control so I was talking myself through it the whole time. “You’re doing okay. Keep your voice low.” I was very, very loud. “Keep your screams and your moans in a low tone and keep yourself open. You’re not going to break.” I had to keep telling myself these things. 

My husband was talking to me, “You’re doing so great. You’re amazing. Our daughter’s going to be beautiful. You’re doing such a great job.” My doula was scratching my back and doing counterpressure. Everybody was just amazing. The vibe in the room was just absolutely incredible. 

She started to crown and my midwife said, “Rebekah, why don’t you feel down and you can feel her head? That might be encouraging to you.” I think she could tell I was getting frustrated. Every push I was sure she would come and she didn’t. I would get so mad and I would push harder than I probably should have and maybe that’s why I tore because I was being impatient. 

I feel down. I could feel her head crowning. I started talking to her. I started crying. I’m like, “Sweetie, I’m so excited to meet you. Hi, sweetie. You’re doing great.” A couple of contractions later, her head came out. Then we chilled with her head out. We chilled between contractions. 

One of the girls on our team got an awesome shot just from right behind. She took a picture of her head sticking out so it was just a straight shot of my bum with her head and it was just a beautiful, beautiful picture. 

So I feel down and I feel her head. I’m rubbing her head. I’m talking to her and I’m breathing. I got water between every single contraction. I took a drink of water. I took some electrolytes. Oh, between contractions, I would sit up and lean on my husband. I would lean on his lap and then during a contraction is when I would go down on all fours. It was just this up, down rhythm that I got into. That’s what I did. 

Meagan: That is awesome. 

Rebekah: It was awesome. I really got into a groove. I felt safe and comfortable. After her head came out, the next contraction, her entire body just slipped right out and I got to reach down and grab her and pull her up onto my chest. It was just amazing. 

But I didn’t feel that birth high. I was expecting to feel it. Everyone talks about this incredible rush of endorphins and “I wanted to do it again. I had just done this amazing thing and I got a rush of these feel-good hormones”. I was expecting to feel that and I didn’t. It was a beautiful moment and I was so happy to be there but I kept waiting for that high to hit me and it wasn’t hitting me. I was like, “Oh, that’s weird, but okay.” 

I had hemorrhaged after my placenta came out. It wasn’t enough to really be emergent, but it was kind of concerning. They were doing the fundal massage. They were putting pressure on it. I was holding my baby the whole time leaning on my husband and my husband was like, “Is she okay? What’s going on?” I asked him to say a prayer and to pray for us. 

So the midwives were working on me quietly. My husband says this quick, beautiful prayer just that everything would be okay and that things would go the way they were supposed to. My midwife asked if I would be okay with Pitocin to help stop it and that was fine with me so we did a quick shot of Pitocin and a couple of minutes later, it completely stopped and I was good to go. 

It was just a few minutes of this and even hearing the word “hemorrhage” or “You are losing more blood than we would like,” I still never really panicked or felt afraid because I trusted my team so much and I knew that if things were emergent, things would be going differently. There would be a different energy but no one was concerned. No one was rushing around. No one seemed panicked. It was just like, “You’re losing a little bit of blood, but–”

Meagan: We’re taking care of this. 

Rebekah: “We’re taking care of this.” It was so quick. It was so quick. It was taken care of and I’m so blessed that that was how things go because I know sometimes that’s not the case for other moms, so in my case, it really wasn’t that big of a deal. 

Meagan: Yeah. 

Rebekah: I got to take a postpartum bath. Well, I guess they did the stitches first because I had a second-degree tear that required stitches, and when they were checking my tear and they told me, “You’re going to need some stitches,” I immediately burst into tears because for whatever reason, that sent me back to my C-section because to me, stitches meant, “We’re stitching you up. We’re closing you up.” 

Meagan: Yeah, yeah. 

Rebekah: It was this weird flashback moment that caused me to panic and I started crying. I told them it reminded me of my C-section and I know that sounds silly. It’s just a few stitches from tearing in comparison to stitches from a C-section.

Meagan: It doesn’t sound silly. 

Rebekah: But to me, it wasn’t. Oh, also, I was in the same birth suite that I was laboring in with my son the first time around. I was on that same bed when the midwives told me, “He’s breech. We have to do something else.” So it just was like I was back in that same space where I was being told that I have to do something that I don’t want to do that was scary to me. 

My doula was really sweet and talked me through it. My whole team talked me through it. They were like, “You’re fine. It’s okay. It’s not a big deal.” They were very validating like, “I understand. That’s why you are scared and why this is bringing things up again but you are safe. We’re going to take care of you. You’re not even going to feel it. We’re going to numb you.”

Meagan: Numb it up, yeah. 

Rebekah: Yeah. My doula stayed with me through my stitches and she was like, “Let’s put on some music,” because I was talking about this music that I loved. She was like, “Let’s find this album and let’s listen to it.” So she found this album and she talked with me the whole time through the stitches. Then I got to take my beautiful postpartum bath in the salts and the flowers and stuff. It was just beautiful. My doula got a picture and she was like, “You look so angelic like a mermaid.” I was lying sideways and my hair was all draped. She was like, “There are flowers in the water. It is beautiful.”

Again, it was a healing full-circle moment when they handed me my baby to take this bath together because the tub was another source of stress and anxiety from my first birth. I felt stuck. I felt abandoned. I felt like I didn’t have a ton of help. I had help but it didn’t feel like it. So just a lot of little moments throughout this suite that I was in that helped heal me a lot from my first birth that were all of these trauma points from my labor with him. 

They did the newborn exam. I got to hold her and be in the same room as her the entire time. I held her the whole time they did my stitches. We waited to cut the cord until it was white. My husband got to cut the cord. It all was incredibly, incredibly beautiful and healing. I did have to have two bags of IV fluids because of the blood that I lost which kind of helped rebuild that. My doula fed me soup while I was in the tub snuggling my baby. It just was a night and day difference. 

Meagan: Yeah, such a different experience. 

Rebekah: She’s 7.5 weeks old and we’re doing great. I healed very well, so much faster than with a C-section. Again, night and day. I don’t even feel like I had a baby. Healing this time has been incredible this time especially having a toddler and worrying, Am I going to be able to do these things?

Meagan: Yeah, that was actually one of the reasons among many that I did want a VBAC too. A lot of people were like, “What are your reasons?” One of them was that I want to have a better postpartum experience physically as I’m recovering because I just remember being so– and it can happen with vaginal birth too. Vaginal birth doesn’t just eliminate your chances of not a great experience. You can still have a not-great experience with that with a vaginal birth, but yeah. I was like, “I want to be able to pick up my kids. I want to be able to drive if I needed to. I want to be able to–”. 

Rebekah: Go to the bathroom and shower by yourself. Normal human things. 

Meagan: Right, not have my husband holding me up showering. Yeah. That, for me, was such a big difference too in my recovery. That alone. 

Yeah. I’m so happy for you. I’m so glad that you were able to not only just have a different experience that was healing just in general but then all of these little things that you were able to heal from in addition like you said with the tub and these peaceful experiences and your connection with you and your daughter like, “Hey, I think she’s scared and I need to go talk with her. I need to be with her.” And even during the pushing, you had that connection again. “Hey, honey, we are excited.” 

You were touching her and talking to her. It just goes to show so much how much more connected these babies are than we think they are. They really, really are and your body was ready. Your baby wasn’t ready and sometimes that is the case and we have to understand that usually when spontaneous labor is going on or whatever, it’s a team effort– body and baby together. Sometimes it’s not and we have to help them. 

Rebekah: Yeah, exactly. It was crazy actually pushing a baby out. I don’t want to say that I’m scared of doing it again but I wasn’t expecting it to be as intense as it was. With my son, I was complete. I had dilated to a 10. I was fully effaced. His bum was right there. I think if we hadn’t known sooner that he was breech, I wonder if we would have had an accidental breech delivery at the birth center because I was complete. I was ready to push a baby out. My body was already pushing. 

I had done all of the labor up to the pushing a baby out part. I think I had just built it up in my head, “Oh, you’ve done this before. You’ve done this before. You’ll be okay.” I had done everything but the pushing phase. Feeling her actually coming out of my body was such a bizarre sensation. After her head was out, I actually felt a little wiggle. She wiggled her body in there and I said, “I can feel her moving.” My midwife was like, “Yep. She’s getting ready to come out.” 

It was incredible that I was able to actually feel all of these things even though it was painful and it was hard. That’s the only thing I wanted. I wanted to feel what it was like to actually birth my baby out of my body and do what it was designed to do. It just was incredible and it doesn’t take away from the experience with my son at all. Both labor experiences and both birth experiences taught me so many things in completely different ways. 

When I tell my birth story with my daughter, I really hope that it doesn’t come off that I was trying to rewrite history or trying to erase the way things happened with my son because it’s not the case. The stories don’t exist without the other. It’s just been incredible to see how their personalities are different just based on how labor went with them. I really believe that the way your labor goes and the way your pregnancy is, you can almost tell what your baby’s personality is going to be like based on those things and how they go. 

Definitely with my kids, that has been true. 

Meagan: Yeah. A lot of people especially with breech are like, “Oh, this stubborn baby. This baby wouldn’t flip. This baby threw us a curveball,” then they come out and they’re like, “They’re still throwing curveballs. They’re still stubborn.” I mean, I’ve heard that is definitely something that can happen. The babies set the stage. 

Rebekah: Yeah, absolutely. I kept saying when I was pregnant with her that I felt like she was going to be a feisty baby and be fiery. That is how she is. It was beautiful. 

Meagan: Well, I’m so happy for you. I absolutely love, love, love your birthing team over there. They are just so amazing and I’m so glad that you had a doula and you had the support and that you were able to find healing through this birth experience. 

You know, every single birth is unique. You’re going to heal and grow through every single experience. It’s the most beautiful thing. 

Rebekah: This podcast helped a ton. That was another thing that I did during my prep. I was listening to The VBAC Link Podcast and a couple of other podcasts. I watched lots of birth stories so for VBAC moms, it is another piece of advice I have. Really just soak in all of those VBAC stories and instill that confidence in yourself because I have heard some moms who stay away from podcasts and they like to just have their thoughts and their experiences be their own. That’s great and that’s fine, but for me, I really needed that support and I really needed that constantly spoken into me. 

So hearing birth stories, especially VBAC birth stories for VBAC moms is invaluable. It was incredibly empowering. I’m so thankful for your podcast and the fact that you do this and put this community together for moms who listen to it.

Meagan: Thank you. It’s definitely something that I missed out on in my pregnancies and wanted. I was searching and searching and searching. There would be VBAC stories here and there but I really needed something more. That’s why we started this so we could hopefully help people along the way and have more and have that community and that support and just that drive. I feel like you hear these stories and it really helps you be like, “Oh, okay wait. These hundreds of women before me have done this. These are not even half of the women out there.” The amount of submissions that we get and the amount of stories on social media, there are so many stories out there. 

You are all Women of Strength and you can do this. I think you are right. Listening to these stories, you’re going to find something. You’re going to find connection and nuggets. You might even find healing through other people’s stories. It’s weird to think about that but truly, yeah. 

Rebekah: Even the repeat C-section stories, I loved hearing those and that was what my mental and emotional prep this pregnancy revolved around. I was like, If we’re going to have a VBAC, we’re going to have a VBAC. That’s not what I was worried about. It was that I wanted to make sure that my mind and my spirit and my body were in a place to receive another C-section if it needed that. If I have to have another one, I’m going to make sure that it’s a positive experience this time around. 

So hearing those stories from women who had repeats and even that was healing for them was awesome to hear. 

Meagan: Yeah, and you were talking about that in the beginning with that unexpected. Your unexpected was that you had an unexpected breech, surprise baby and you were exhausted. That was the route that felt right and some people go into spontaneous labor and it turns into a Cesarean for whatever reason or they go into an induction and the body wasn’t responding and baby wasn’t responding. We have these unexpected experiences and it’s hard because when we are preparing for unmedicated vaginal birth or a medicated vaginal birth or vaginal birth in general, we don’t want to think about that Cesarean. We don’t. 

It’s easy to push it aside. That’s one of the reasons why I think sharing CBAC stories and scheduled C-section stories on the podcast is so important because it does happen and it’s important to learn your options there. 

We just share stories here and we want everyone to find what’s best for them and if we limit what we can learn, I think we are doing ourselves a disservice. 

Rebekah: Absolutely, yeah. Yeah. I hope to get into birth work someday. Ever since I got pregnant with my son, I have been completely immersed in all of it. My Instagram feed is 90% birth workers. So I have learned so much and I used to do that. I used to only really pay attention to the holistic, natural, unmedicated side of things but now, I follow several labor and delivery nurses and OBs and take little pieces from here and little pieces from there. As you are preparing for a new baby, you can’t possibly know everything or prepare for everything but knowledge is power and knowledge helps to dissipate fear. As much as you possibly can, learn and arm yourself with it. Like you said, I think that’s why doulas are so important too. They can help you in that process of figuring out what education you can focus on or should be focusing on based on what you want. Yeah, it’s just incredible. Birth is incredible no matter how it happens. It’s hard and it’s gritty and beautiful. 

Meagan: Absolutely. I couldn’t agree more. Well, thank you again so much for being here with us and sharing your stories. 

Rebekah: Thank you so much. 

Closing

Would you like to be a guest on the podcast? Tell us about your experience at thevbaclink.com/share. For more information on all things VBAC including online and in-person VBAC classes, The VBAC Link blog, and Meagan’s bio, head over to thevbaclink.com. Congratulations on starting your journey of learning and discovery with The VBAC Link.

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Colleen’s first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 6 weeks. At 12 weeks along with her second pregnancy, Colleen and her husband found out that their daughter would be born with a genetic condition called Trisomy 18. Colleen shares her experiences with Trisomy 18 and how she found the right support to help her navigate through it all. Due to IUGR and other medical concerns, Colleen had her daughter via Cesarean with an 85-day NICU stay afterward. 

To her surprise, Colleen had a third pregnancy just 6 months after her daughter’s delivery which ended in a heartbreaking second-trimester miscarriage. After discussing her pregnancy and birth histories at an appointment, Colleen’s doctor referred her to be screened for a MTHFR gene mutation for which she came back positive. 

MTHFR (methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase) is a gene that impacts your ability to process and absorb folate. It can be responsible for complications during pregnancy and is detected through a simple blood test. 

Colleen and Meagan talk more about what MTHFR means, and what Colleen was able to do to have a fourth uncomplicated pregnancy and a beautiful, smooth VBAC delivery! 

Needed Website

How to VBAC: The Ultimate Prep Course for Parents

Full Transcript under Episode Details 

Meagan: Welcome to the show, everybody. We have our friend, Colleen, on with us today sharing her stories and navigating through this amazing journey that we call birth. Birth is such a journey, wouldn’t you agree, Colleen?

Colleen: Absolutely. 

Meagan: One of the most unique things about it is obviously through the stories we all hear. They are all unique and individual to us and even one birth that you’ve given doesn’t mean the next birth is the same. So we’re going to be talking today about navigating through birth and we know that a lot of the times through these journeys whether it be because of a Cesarean or because of how we were treated or because of how our body responded or whatever it may be, sometimes and a lot of the times, we experience trauma. Trauma is viewed differently from everybody and processed differently. We are going to be talking about navigating through trauma. 

Then Colleen is actually going to share some of her fertility journey as well. I think that’s also a really important thing because we have so many mamas out there– we know. We know. We see it. They have to navigate through fertility challenges. We’re going to be talking about that along with a VBAC. 

Let’s get into that here in just a minute. We do have a Review of the Week then like I said, I’m going to introduce Colleen and turn the show over to her so she can share her beautiful stories. 

This review is from lexieemmarie. It says, “So thankful. I just wanted to say thank you for creating this podcast. I had my baby girl via emergency Cesarean at 30 weeks due to several medical complications with my baby. We spent 95 days in the NICU and while in there waiting for my sweet girl to grow, I started to research VBACs to see if it was right for me. Once I found this podcast, it sealed the deal. I absolutely can’t wait to VBAC with my next pregnancy. You all are incredible to listen to because you provide the wealth of knowledge and positivity but are also fun and entertaining to listen to. Amazing job, ladies.” 

Aww, that just made my heart so happy. Oh my goodness. Thank you so much, Lexi, for your review. As always, we love these reviews. They make our hearts and our minds so happy. You guys, this is what we want. We want you to have that wealth of knowledge. We want to have you feel inspired and guided and uplifted and educated along the way through all of these stories. 

As usual, leave a review if you haven’t yet. We would be so grateful. 

Meagan: Okay. We have Ms. Colleen. She lived in Michigan. Did you have your VBAC baby in Michigan? 

Colleen: I did, yes. 

Meagan: You did. 

Colleen: My husband and I live in a suburb of Detroit in Gross Point so that’s where I gave birth in August of 2024. 

Meagan: Awesome. Awesome. Okay. Wait, 2024? Just right now?

Colleen: Yeah, I’m 2 weeks postpartum. 

Meagan: Yes, I love it! So really, really fresh. 

Colleen: Fresh. 

Meagan: I love sharing stories that are so fresh like that. It is right there in your brain. 

Colleen: Exactly. 

Meagan: Oh my gosh. Okay. She has two beautiful children now and one two-week-old baby. Your two-year-old daughter is Gianna? 

Colleen: Gianna, yes. 

Meagan: She was born via Cesarean due to chromosomal abnormality. Do you want to share what that means?

Colleen: Yeah, I would love to. Gianna has a chromosomal condition called Trisomy 18 that we did find out about through the genetic screening early on in pregnancy that she was considered high risk for coming down with Trisomy 18. As the pregnancy progressed, it became pretty evident that it would be the reality. 

For those of you who don’t know, Trisomy 18 on its surface means that the baby will have an extra 18th chromosome in some or all of their cells. How that manifests itself is through some pretty serious medical complexities that require quite a bit of care. I will get into that a little bit more with my story but that is the quick version of Trisomy 18. She is also now 2 years old and a bubby, sometimes sassy, little girl. 

Meagan: Is there another name for it with an E?

Colleen: Edwards Syndrome, yes.

Meagan: I have another friend who has that and I seriously adore him. He is thriving and doing amazing in life. 

Colleen: Yes. She is a warrior. She is so strong. She is so beautiful and has brought nothing but love and joy to everyone who knows her or who don’t know her. There are so many people from near and far who love her. It’s great. 

Meagan: Yes. Awesome and then we’ve got Sonny who was born via VBAC just two weeks ago you guys. She says, “As a mama of a medically complex child, she is passionate about awareness and education for those within her daughter’s condition. She also enjoys running, reading, cooking, and volunteering.” 

Colleen: Yes, that’s a little bit about me. 

Meagan: I love it. Welcome to the show and thank you so much for being here with us. I would love to turn the time over to you to start sharing Gianna’s story. 

Colleen: Amazing. Thank you so much for having me on. The VBAC Link was a staple on so many of my walks when I was getting ready to give birth. I just found it to be so uplifting and empowering and I’m so glad that I found you as a resource. 

A little bit of background before getting to my VBAC– it really does begin in about 2022. It starts out with some of those fertility issues that you had mentioned at the start of the podcast. My husband and I decided to start trying after about two years of marriage and we got pregnant pretty quickly. That ended early in a miscarriage at about 6 weeks. 

But we said, “Okay, let’s try again.” We had processed and accepted that miscarriages do happen so we quickly said, “Let’s give it another go.” But we had those reservations and that in the back of our mind of moving forward cautiously. We did get pregnant quickly again. Throughout the first trimester, we just kept it tight-lipped. We just told immediate family and then decided we wanted to do the genetic testing of course to find out the gender. We didn’t really give too much thought to what else you learn from that bloodwork. 

As my pregnancy progressed throughout the first trimester, I was feeling confident then at about 12 weeks, we received a call from my midwife. She told us that it was a girl and that she came back high-risk with Trisomy 18. We weren’t expecting that. It was scary and a shock and the more we learned and the more we read in those early days was devastating to us. We were just coming off the heels of a miscarriage so then to have this thrown at us was just a real curveball. 

In order to move forward and navigate that, my husband and I were always planning on keeping the pregnancy so it just meant, what does that mean going forward? After talking with more specialists and maternal-fetal medicine at the health system that I was at at the time, it became very apparent that they weren’t really willing to help. 

We needed to find another health system. We are so fortunate because we were living out of state for quite some time then moved home before we started to try. We were living in Chicago and then moved back to Michigan. University of Michigan, so CS Mott Children’s Hospital is for sure the best in the state and one of the best in the country for caring for kids with my daughter’s condition. We switched all of my prenatal care there and they provided us with hope and were willing to monitor me and have a very wonderful NICU. They were willing to provide interventions and things after she was born. 

But as it related to my pregnancy, it completely deterred any sort of plans and any sort of “normalcy” that one might have. It was shrouded in sadness and anxiety and fear and unknown. Each ultrasound and each week was closer and closer to meeting her but also closer and closer to what does this mean for her? What does this mean for our family? I completely abandoned any apps or what size fruit she was going to be at a certain week because she had intrauterine growth restriction. That rulebook and those guidelines went out the window. 

I was really afraid to connect with her when I was pregnant. A lot of the time I would say, “Okay, be in tune with her. Read to her and rock her and listen to music with her,” and I would just end up in the nursery that we decorated in tears because I just had so much fear and sadness around what was to come. 

With that being said, because my plans had been derailed, I really threw myself into learning about her condition and learning about what would come afterward. That gave me hope as a very Type A person. I needed to be doing something to prepare and connected with other families from around the country to give me and my husband hope and learn about what life with children with Trisomy 18 looks like and what they are capable of really was our main driver throughout pregnancy. 

With that said, I did not prepare for birth at all. I didn’t learn about how it could possibly go. I really just, like I said, focused on what care for her would look like. Just as a very small example of what that even looked like was when I came to write my birth plan, I probably wrote a couple of things like, “Oh, open to epidural. Do you have a birthing ball?” I honestly had a line in there that said, “If she is born not breathing, resuscitate her.” That is where my head was throughout pregnancy and it just came to however she was going to arrive, that was second to her being here and us starting to care for her. 

Meagan: Yeah. 

Colleen: That said, my care team, obviously I was being seen by the MFM department at CS Mott. They were very supportive. I never felt like they weren’t looking out for both me and her. I think they wanted me to deliver vaginally and with the understanding that if it came to a Cesarean that would be what it was. My husband and I made it very clear that we wanted to be treated however they would handle a typical pregnancy. 

Meagan: Anybody else, yeah. 

Colleen: Yes. Yes. If it meant a C-section, that’s what it was going to be kind of thing. She was showing that she wasn’t tolerating labor. 

We got to the end of pregnancy and we were discussing what birth would look like. We all agreed that an induction at 37 weeks was going to be the plan for a couple of different reasons. From our perspective, we wanted to just start caring for her knowing that she was going to have complexities. We were in the best place possible to start that process. There is some research that would show that the longer that babies with Trisomy 18 are in utero, you could run into a stillbirth situation. Now again, it’s a little bit more on the anecdotal side because many, many kids with Trisomy 18 are born vaginally at 40-41 weeks and it’s how you want to play it. 

Meagan: You have to weigh it out for what’s best for everybody. Was IUGR becoming a problem at all or was she still small but staying within her own growth chart?

Colleen: Toward the end there, we were seeing some stagnated growth so yeah, they were very much of the mindset, “Let’s just get here here,” kind of thing. She was born at 3 pounds, 12 ounces. She was just a peanut. 

Meagan: Little tiny, yeah. 

Colleen: I was induced at 37 weeks without having much knowledge of what the induction process was going to look like for me and I went in at a centimeter. They started with a cervix softener so that they could then insert the Foley balloon. I was in bed a lot. I utilized the tank of nitrous oxide. I labored that way for a while just to mitigate that pain. I was walking around a little bit but honestly, the Foley balloon for me in the whole induction process was probably the worst part. 

I was in quite a bit of pain after that. 

Meagan: Were you dilated at all before when they tried to insert that or was it a closed, posterior cervix? I’m assuming at 37 weeks, it’s not doing much. 

Colleen: I was a centimeter when I came in and I was maybe a 2 when they inserted it I believe. Yeah. It was very apparent that my body was probably not ready for that process. 

Meagan: Yeah. 

Colleen: Yeah. That also became apparent once the Foley balloon came out but then pretty much I got to 5 centimeters and just parked it there for quite a bit. The pain was pretty intense so I received an epidural after laboring I would say probably 14-16 hours or something like that. The attending OB wanted to take additional steps by breaking my water and my husband and I were talking. We said, “If they break my water and then I don’t progress, then what situation are we in?” We also knew beforehand that my daughter did have a confirmed heart defect. We wanted a more gentle approach to induction especially when it came to Pitocin. We really wanted to take it slow and monitor her to make sure she was tolerating it and things like that. 

We opted for Pitocin before breaking my water and took it slow. I would say probably another 6-8 hours went by. We were taking it very slow. I wasn’t progressing and then we started to see some sporadic, not super consistent but enough to keep make us aware of her, decels that she was having. 

Again, the attending OB really wanted to continue on. She wanted to break my water. She wanted to optimize my chances for a vaginal birth, but again, I think my husband and I were so zeroed in on having her here safely that even the attending OB after observing some of the decels into the night was like, “Okay, I think–”

Meagan: That was enough. 

Colleen: Exactly. She arrived via C-section on October 28, 2022 at 3:18 in the morning which we find incredibly special because 318 is a universal number around Trisomy 18. We just feel that she was meant to be here just as she is. That was enough for us to say, “Okay. We did what we think we needed to do to get her here safely.”

Meagan: And happy birthday to her today. She will be 3?

Colleen: She’s actually turning 2. She’s turning 2. Yep, yes. 

So that was my obviously first birth experience and it was– I can’t even say different than what I expected because again, I really went into that not having much of a reference or much preparation at all. 

I say, “Okay. That was my experience. It was a C-section.” We weren’t thinking at the time. We always knew we wanted future children but with the timeline, we had an 85-day NICU stay with her. There were other things that we were focusing on. 

Meagan: You and the reviewer. You NICU mamas are amazing. 

Colleen: Perfect review for today. After 85 days, we came home in January of 2023. We were getting settled into home life and then fast forward to about 6 months postpartum. We had just been home for a couple of months and much to my husband and I’s surprise, we were pregnant again. 

From the first miscarriage to my daughter, we had that hope and that mentality of, “We have no reason to think that anything is going to go wrong so let’s just operate from the stance that everything is going to be okay.” We took a similar approach this time around. We said, “Okay. We’re going to roll with the punches. Gianna’s going to get a sibling a little bit sooner than we initially had thought. Let’s just play it like everything is going to be okay.” 

We had met with a geneticist and knew our risk for having another child with Trisomy 18. We were just slightly above the general population when it comes to the statistics there. We weren’t super concerned. It was a very, very low risk. We decided to do the genetic testing anyway. I didn’t consider myself to be high risk so I moved my care to a little bit closer to home. The University of Michigan is a little over an hour for us. I had a great experience but wanted to move just a little bit closer to home to a practice that is very utilized on this side of town by many women. 

I did the genetic testing and everything was good. We were having a boy and then the very next day, I woke up to a very large gush of blood. I went to the emergency room. This was on a Saturday. They did an ultrasound and said, “Baby is looking good.” I was again, about 12 weeks at this point. They said, “Sometimes just bleeding in the first trimester happens.” I took that at face value. I came home 

Now mind you, with my daughter’s condition, she has a lot of medical equipment and lower muscle tone so it’s a lot of carrying her around and at that point, she was still pretty small but again, I’m pregnant and I’m hauling her medical equipment plus her some days. I’m a stay-at-home mom so I’m trying to navigate all of that. I’m going about my daily life not really thinking much of it just saying, “Okay, that’s what it is. The first trimester bleeding.” I went back to the OB that week and they also confirmed, “Oh yeah, it could just be bleeding.” 

I said, “Okay.” Then about 2 weeks later I’d say, again on a Saturday, it happened again. The bleeding had tapered off then it happened again. I went back to the emergency room to make sure everything was okay and it was a different emergency department. The nurse practitioner came back in after the ultrasound and said, “You have a really large subchorionic hematoma.”

Meagan: I was going to ask if that’s what it was. 

Colleen: Yes. We had done research obviously between the two ultrasounds and people said, “If you do, it likely will heal on its own.” 

Meagan: It takes time, but if you do activity and things like that. 

Colleen: Yes. I would say probably about 2.5-3 weeks went by with me not knowing I had it. I hemorrhaged again. This time, I really tried taking it easy leveraging my husband, my mom, and my mother-in-law to really help care for my daughter so I would be able to rest and recover. 

When I had gone to the OB that Monday just because I had been in the emergency room over the weekend, they painted it like there was not much you can do. If you can take it easy, great. If not, I actually went in that Monday and I had brought up the subchorionic hematoma and the provider that I met with said, “Oh, yeah. You have it but actually, I want to talk to you about something else.” It was a potential marginal cord insertion or a velamentous cord. 

Meagan: Okay. 

Colleen: She said, “I actually want you to be more aware of this than the subchorionic hematoma.” Again, it was pushed to the side. At that point, in partnership with some other pretty inappropriate and I would say frankly bad bedside manner from the practice, I was looking to move again. They were very insensitive around my daughter’s condition. They made me to be othered because of her. I just didn’t appreciate that. I was like, “This is a different birth.” I didn’t appreciate that treatment. They asked very inappropriate questions about her and her life expectancy and things that were very triggering for a) someone who was fresh out of birth and a very traumatic pregnancy. I just felt that was very inappropriate to ask those things especially when we are also not talking about my daughter. We are talking about this pregnancy at hand that was having some issues. 

I was looking to switching providers. I have my best friend in the area. I loved her. She was pregnant at the time as well. She loved her OB so I was looking to switch. I couldn’t get in for a couple of weeks so I just said, “Okay.” At the next month’s appointment, I would switch practices away from where I currently was. 

In the meantime, I would say about a week and a half later, I was bleeding again. It was on a Monday so I got in that day and I personally had a little bit of peace around it because I just said, “Okay, this has happened before. Baby has always been okay, but let’s get in.” 

So I got in that Monday and I was given an ultrasound and the ultrasound tech put the wand over my belly and then very quickly went out of the room. My heart sank. I just knew what that meant. She came back and I asked, “Was there a heartbeat?” She just shook her head no. I was by myself because my husband was home with my daughter and it was just completely unexpected and devastating. It crushed us because we again had just come off of something so difficult and had so much hope and for that to be the result was quite crushing. 

I had reached out to the OB that I had planned to switch to and I just explained the situation. She said, “I’d like to still see you.” I went in about 2 weeks after my miscarriage and just laid everything out for her. She shook her head after me telling her about my first miscarriage and then my daughter and this most recent miscarriage. She took it all in and she goes, “I think there is something going on. I don’t think these are just flukes so I want to run some tests.”

She ordered some pretty extensive bloodwork mostly in the autoimmune space but she also ran for MTHFR. After many vials of blood and a few weeks of waiting, I came back negative for anything autoimmune but I did in fact come back for MTHFR and she is a provider who believes that it does make a difference. She said at the time that she provided us with this glimmer of hope. She said, “If I know that a patient has that, I start them ideally on a pretty ‘easier’ regiment or something to get them started to see if that makes any difference in their pregnancies. If not, we can build with Lovenox injections and things like that.” Basically she said, “I want you on additional folic acid.” I took methylfolate and a baby aspirin. 

But she posed it to my husband and I. “Do you just want to go the Lovenox route? Once you go on Lovenox, I won’t be able to walk you back on additional pregnancies. If you have a successful pregnancy–”. Again, knowing this wasn’t going to be the answer and that we could potentially have another loss or more issues with pregnancies but we wanted to start on that first step before jumping forward.

She said, “Pick up those supplements when you feel like you are ready.” We needed time. We needed months of healing and of focusing on my daughter’s care to just really level-set for our family. But in December of last year, we felt strongly that we wanted Gianna to have a sibling so we decided to try again. I got pregnant and began those supplements. From that perspective, my pregnancy was very difficult. Now, it also gave me that time both prior to getting pregnant and then throughout my pregnancy to really– I really wanted to level-set my approach and my outlook on pregnancy. 

I had felt like I had been always in this cycle of seeking out information or researching based on issues and I think my and as well as my husband, the trauma aspect always played into it of, okay. Here’s a symptom. It could be something very normal or it could be these very unique, rare things that we got used to feeling comfortable in that space. 

Meagan: Yeah. 

Colleen: I sort of recognized that as something that I needed to work through. I needed to work through some things that were either emotions I pushed aside. I pushed aside the thoughts and feelings around especially that second miscarriage because I said, “Okay, I have a daughter with medical complexities.” I needed to jump back in and I think that distraction helped me push those thoughts away but then I will say they came back. They reared their head and I said, “Okay. It’s time for me to deal with them.” 

So going back to talk therapy has been really helpful for me for working through some of those emotions as well as unprocessed things with my daughter’s pregnancy and birth and care and things like that, the realities around her life and how it’s impacted myself, my family, and things like that. 

I went back to talk therapy and then also got pregnant. I thought that was the perfect time to really sort of level-set my outlook on pregnancy. We forewent the genetic testing around. We just said, “What will be will be.” For now, the fourth time, we are choosing to believe that all will be well. We will have these feelings. My first trimester almost felt like the closer I got to the end of my first trimester, the more anxiety I had because I had that second-trimester miscarriage that I just had the opinion that it could happen at any time and why wouldn’t it just happen to me again?

There were some friends who didn’t know that I was pregnant until my anatomy scan just because I felt like I needed to hold it close to my chest. 

Meagan: Just keeping your space safe. 

Colleen: Exactly. Exactly. And protecting my own emotions. So the first trimester for my son did have some of those thoughts and feelings. The OB who I had switched my care to was very accommodating. She had a little portable ultrasound machine in her office if I felt like I needed that reassurance that she would provide the ultrasound for me. She asked me how often I wanted to come see her. She was just very understanding and accommodating based on my previous circumstances. 

It also allowed me the space, especially as I moved through pregnancy, to really think about birth and think about how that process could be healing as well. In my second trimester, I remember going on a walk because I needed to clear my head and just feeling so overwhelmed by not knowing where to start and then I was being hard on myself because I was like, I should have done this with my daughter. I should know these things already. This is my second birth. I was being very self-critical as if I didn’t have other things to focus on with her. 

That’s when I came across The VBAC Link. I actually came across it because my husband and I had taken some on-demand birthing classes through Mommy Labor Nurse and we very much so said that we needed a refresher and probably to take some more diligent notes this time around. 

It was a resource that she has promoted so I checked it out and I just immediately felt like it was going to be so helpful as it was throughout pregnancy just listening to the podcast episodes, referencing the blog, getting your emails, and just really feeling like I had a resource that was going to support me. I can’t express how grateful I am for that because– and I’m about to get emotional– of how along pregnancy and that journey has felt. I’ve constantly felt like I’ve been up against walls that it’s been exhausting to have to overcome and to break down. 

Meagan: Yeah. It’s a terrible feeling to feel so alone in this really big moment in your life and not feel like you know the direction all the time and then also making decisions and then having the world pretty much question why you are making that decision. It’s so heavy and that’s why I love this community so much because they make you feel connected to people that are not even within reach. They are hundreds and thousands of miles away. 

Colleen: Absolutely. Absolutely. Just to have that support because it very quickly became my goal to VBAC because I flipped the script after finding The VBAC Link. I said, “There is nothing pointing to my body not being able to do this. I’m going to go for it.” I’m a competitive person and sometimes I’m competitive with myself and I said, “This is going to be a competition and I’m going to do this.” I will say getting into the true VBAC part of it, my OB was very supportive. 

She said, “I think you are the perfect candidate to VBAC.” She did want to see what my body did closer to which made me a little bit nervous. She was like, “I’m not for induction but I would do augmentation.” I was like, “Okay. Let’s see.” Again, it was a motivator to me to do all of the things that I could do to edge myself along kind of thing. 

The biggest thing I leveraged was walking. I walked a ton and I just found a routine in the business of life that worked for me that I could rely on each and every day and say, “Okay, these are the three things that I’m going to do throughout the rest of pregnancy to a) give myself peace mentally and physically, but also just to say life is busy, but this is what I’m going to do to move myself forward.” It was a lot of walking. It was a prenatal that I just really adored and I just committed to a pretty nutritious diet to make sure that I was nourishing my body in all the ways that I could. 

Around 36 weeks, I received a cervical check and was starting to dilate and efface. I was about 2 centimeters. 

Meagan: Wow. 

Colleen: Yes, with about 70% effacement at that time. My OB said, “Things are looking good. You are on the right track here.” I just kept doing what I was doing. I did opt for a membrane sweep at 38 weeks and I will say having never labored before, between that 36 and 38-week mark, I was having a ton of prodromal labor which was very frustrating because I never knew what was real. We went to labor and delivery once. I got turned away and sent home. I thought it was the real deal. Yes. Prodromal labor is a tease. 

But after the membrane sweep, it became very apparent that I was actually in labor. That afternoon, my husband and I and my daughter lay on the couch. I was having closer and stronger contractions and we joke that it was absolutely the real deal because all the times leading up with prodromal labor, everything was squared away. My meals were prepped. Everything was squared away with my daughter. My in-laws and my parents were ready to go and jump in. 

The day that I started to be in labor, our basement flooded with our sewage backed up. 

Meagan: Oh no. 

Colleen: I’m actively in labor and my husband comes up and says, “This is absolutely the real deal because this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t.” I’m in labor and my father-in-law are bleaching the floor and scrubbing. It was a whole thing and I was like, This isn’t funny right now but it will be funny one day. And it’s funny. 

I was able to labor at home for a few hours. I got to the hospital. I had the membrane sweep at noon that day. I got to the hospital around 9:30 PM and was at a 5. I was feeling pretty good about that. I was feeling those contractions of needing to pause. I wasn’t really able to talk through but still at that point now knowing what later labor felt like that it was just the beginning of things. I had a wonderful labor and delivery nurse who was super supportive. I never felt being there like I had to convince anybody. They knew that my plan was a VBAC. The attending OB was cool with it. 

My OB lived just a few minutes away from the hospital and said that she would be there within a moment’s notice when I did deliver so I would have her for the moment of. I got to a 5. They did put me on the monitors and had me hooked up so my movement was pretty limited which kind of limited what I was able to do. I wanted to walk a little bit more. I was only able to sit on the birthing ball in a certain area of the room. That was a little bit tricky. The shower was really nice and I did appreciate laboring in the shower but it was the attending OB who had checked me when I first got there and determined I was a 5. 

A few hours later, the labor and delivery nurse checked me and said, “Oh, I think you are a 7.” My goal was to get to active labor before I decided if I wanted an epidural but ideally, I wanted to go unmedicated. So when they said I was a 7, I was like, “Oh, okay. All right. That’s the motivation I needed to keep pushing on. I can do this.” My contractions were becoming more frequent but they weren’t getting stronger. It almost felt like at a moment’s notice when they had to put the IV in or if the pain was too intense that I would start to space out again which I found to be interesting. 

But when a few hours went by, the pain was intensifying. They wanted to check me again and it was the OB this time who had checked me earlier and she said, “Oh, you’re a 6.” My husband and I said, “Well, they said I was a 7 when they checked me last time.” She said, “Yeah, but I’ve got the frame of reference and you’re more of a 6.” That messed with my head. 

Meagan: I’m sure. 

Colleen: My breathing was no longer effective. The pain was getting to me. The next step they wanted to take was breaking my water. I just didn’t feel like I was in the headspace to continue on without the epidural. 

Meagan: You were mentally derailed. That can happen. 

Colleen: Yeah. When it came to my birth plan this time around, I was a little bit more descriptive because I had done more research. I wanted to go the unmedicated route if I absolutely could. If not, at least active labor. I really didn’t want any augmentations or interventions when it came to breaking my water or Pitocin. I really wanted to be able to do it on my own but I will say and I think this is one of my bigger takeaways from this birth is that even when things don’t go according to plan, you really have to trust your gut. I will say in those moments, my gut was telling me I think what needed to happen to service the overall goal which was my VBAC. 

I said, “Okay. I think in order for my body to relax, I want the epidural.” I get the epidural. My body did just that. I was able to relax. My contractions were getting closer together again. They did break my water and now we were into the morning hours here. I get a call from my OB and she said, “Hey, I’m aware of your situation. I see that your contractions are getting closer together but they are still not at that strength that we are really wanting to see.” She said that, “If you are okay with it, they want to start me on very low doses of Pitocin.” She said, “I think you will need a whiff of it in order to get to where you need to be.” 

My husband and I looked at each other and I think because of our experience with Pitocin previously and not wanting to stall out or anything go wrong, we really struggled with that piece but I think ultimately, we said, “Okay, we’re already here. If this is what my OB thinks this is what I need–” and again, I personally felt okay with moving forward in those directions, “then, let’s give it a try.” She was absolutely right. They started at a 1 and bumped it up 45 minutes later. 

I was feeling some pressure and I wanted to switch positions. I had the nurse come in to help me. She lifted up the blanket to move me and she said, “Oh, his head is right here.” He had been crowing for we don’t know how long.

Meagan: Oh my gosh. 

Colleen: My husband looks down and he goes, “Yeah, his head is poking up.” My OB gets there. It was super relaxed. She just walked in. She had her sunglasses on. She was just like, “Okay, let’s do this.” She was getting set up. He had a bunch of dark hair and she was giving him a faux-hawk while she waits for things to get set up. For the moments that led up to that with anxiety around the interventions, the moment of his birth was very relaxed, very calm– 

Meagan: Lighthearted. 

Colleen: It had this great energy around it. I pushed for about 15 minutes and he was born. 

Meagan: Oh my gosh. That is amazing. What a way to end such a lead-up to get to this moment in your life. 

Colleen: Yes. His birth, the moment of his birth and the half-hour leading up was so joyous and healing like I had always hoped it would be and exactly what I think my heart needed. Just not necessarily VBAC-related, but I think I also struggled with all of the needs of my daughter and having now split time, I think going from one to two for some mamas can conjure up those feelings and that guilt around what your firstborn is not getting especially with all of her extra needs and things. I was really feeling that guilt. 

Now he’s here and he is exactly what my family needed. He is just this puzzle piece that was missing. We didn’t know it. We didn’t know it until he was here and now we feel that way on so many levels. 

Meagan: Isn’t that crazy sometimes? This is one of the coolest things I think about being a doula is that we see these couples and they think that their life is so amazing and it is. Don’t get me wrong. It is amazing. They think that they love each other more than they ever could love each other. I can see the love in their eyes. I can see the support as the labor goes and then this human being enters their family and like you said, it’s just this puzzle piece that fit that you didn’t know you were missing. 

It’s this extra joy and this deeper love that they didn’t even know existed and it’s one of the coolest things to see families transform. Yeah. It’s absolutely amazing. Even from no kids to one kid and from one kid to four kids, it doesn’t matter. Like you said, it’s the puzzle piece that they didn’t know they were missing. 

Colleen: Absolutely. I just can’t wait to watch my daughter learn from him and him learn from her. That relationship– I even had the thought where I was like, “I’m the most important thing to my daughter,” then I’m like, “Okay, but she’s going to have a sibling and that is such a gift in and of itself that I just am happy to be able to provide that,” but to your point, it is. It’s a love unlike any other love. You will always obviously hold your partnership with your partner. It’s so important and so instrumental to providing that love for your children as well but that love that you get from birthing a child is unparalleled. 

Meagan: Oh my gosh. It’s so amazing. It is so amazing. I feel so grateful as a doula and as someone who is done having kids– my youngest is 8 years old now but I get to keep living through all of these couples. It’s just so amazing. Oh, well congratulations. 

Colleen: Yes. It’s so beautiful. Again, it didn’t go on the micro-level according to plan, but on the macro-level and in my big-picture goal of having a VBAC, it was all I could ask for. Rolling with the punches and I will say again, going back to the beginning of the podcast and sharing that I’m a very Type A person, I think had my past not happened, any of these little interventions that were needed throughout this birth could have also derailed me or discouraged me and I just think all of these experiences I had up until this point taught me that rolling with the punches and just understanding that things might not always go according to plan but healthy me, healthy baby– 

Meagan: And a good experience. 

Colleen: Exactly. 

Meagan: Rolling with the punches while trusting your intuition because some of those punches might look like punches but it’s actually what you need. 

Colleen: 100%. Trusting your gut, advocating for yourself, also important to keep in mind. 

Meagan: Super important. Well, before we go, I wanted to quickly give some more depth into some of the things that you had brought up along the way. We talked about your daughter’s condition and then there was something that you said that is a really big tip that I give to my clients when it comes to breaking the waters versus starting Pitocin. 

It’s okay if you don’t agree with me, everybody out there. A lot of people would rather break water over starting Pitocin because it’s the “more natural way to get things going”. But I’m such a person of, let’s try a whiff of Pitocin that we can turn off, but if we are artificially meaning we are breaking the bag of waters by ourselves against mother nature’s choice, we can’t patch that back up and we don’t know what’s going on so we don’t know if baby’s in a weird position. We don’t know if baby is too high. We don’t know what’s going on so sometimes I think just starting that 1-4 mL drip of Pit and then you can always turn it off and it’s gone. 

I was going to say that’s weirdly one of my suggestions that over all of my years of doing this, I would weirdly suggest that sometimes over breaking your water. That really depends on where we are at too. If we are 9 centimeters and baby is +2 station, we’re really engaged, I dont know. It might change. But if we are at the point where you were at, I actually would suggest that. 

I wanted to really quickly talk about VCI and marginal. So velamentous cord insertion. You mentioned that the OB was like, “Yes, subchorionic and we’re here but then we’ve also got this.” With VCI, that is where the cord is inserted abnormally into the placenta. It can cause things like IUGR which we talked about earlier so intrauterine growth restriction. I don’t know if they gave you any stats on this but it’s a 1% chance of that happening with a singleton baby, a 6% chance with twins and then if they do share the same placenta, it can go up. I want to say it’s upward of 15%, so much higher. 

But a lot of the time, even VCI babies carry to term and everything is okay. I do want to throw it out there that a lot of providers do suggest a Cesarean with VCI. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of that. People can have vaginal births but a lot of providers will suggest Cesareans. If you have VCI or are being told that you have VCI, just know that might be a conversation and you want to discuss that with your provider earlier on. 

She also mentioned a marginal cord insertion which is where that attaches to the side I believe so also an abnormal insertion. I don’t know. Did your provider tell you anything about that? 

Colleen: Not the statistics around it but they also said that I was 6 months postpartum, post-C-section when I did get pregnant again so their recommendation I think regardless was going to be a repeat C-section. 

Meagan: Yeah, so it can happen. Then last but not least, I just want to throw out anything that you have about MTHFR to the listeners who may have gone or are going through experiences like you. MTHFR really depends on a provider. Some people still roll their eyes at it but it’s definitely a thing. Do you have any suggestions toward anybody who may have it or maybe finding out that process?

Colleen: Yeah. 

Meagan: Or going through the process?

Colleen: For sure. Just through my own research, again, my OB was like, “Just additional folic acid.” 

Meagan: I love that you mentioned that by the way. 

Colleen: So I obviously am no expert or dietician or nutritionist but when you do have MTHFR, you can either have homozygous or heterozygous mutations. There are also two different variations. There’s the A variant and the C variant. I think there is research around the severity or the impact of each of the variants on fertility and things like that but sort of the biggest takeaway when it comes to MTHFR is that it can make you more prone to clotting issues as well as malabsorption or the inability to use folic acid effectively. 

That is why a lot of research will indicate that you should be on the purest form of folate which is methylfolate because it’s so easy for your body to absorb when you do have the MTHFR mutation and then when it comes to having additional methylfolate, essentially I found a prenatal that had methylfolate and was just chock-full of a bunch of good stuff. I was also taking additional micrograms of methyl folate on the side just as a pure supplement. 

Personally, I found that to be helpful and again, that is something that I baked into that consistent routine of mine making sure I was on a really optimal prenatal as well as taking the methylfolate every day. In addition to the baby aspirin, that was to mitigate some clotting issues. 

The other thing I will plug is a resource and a follow on Instagram if you don’t already follow is Lily Nichols. 

Meagan: Yes. We love her. She has been on the podcast. We have her books. 

Colleen: Yes, exactly. In addition to when you know you have MTHFR, just really ensuring that you are getting proper nutrition and that is top of the line in pregnancy when you are trying every day of your life basically. 

I definitely broke and cheated with my little guilty pleasures here and there of course. But I really largely throughout pregnancy tried to stick to a really vitamin and nutrient-dense diet. 

Meagan: Yes. I don’t know what prenatal you took and I don’t judge you for any other prenatal of course. We love Needed but you said the optimal amount. That’s what we are finding. So many of these prenatals don’t have the optimal amount and they don’t have the purest forms. We love Needed and truly 100% suggest it. But yeah, exactly what you said. It’s so important. It’s so important.

Colleen: Exactly. That would be my advice to anyone who wonders. I would also advocate and press to be tested if you are having issues. I just think it would be so beneficial just to have that piece of information in your toolbox so that if you do want to ask either on your own or you do want to press your provider to take it seriously, then I would definitely recommend just saying, “Hey, can I get the bloodwork to find out?” Then you can go from there. 

Meagan: Yeah. Yeah. Bloodwork. You can start there and know. 

Colleen: Exactly. 

Meagan: Oh my gosh. Thank you so much for this amazing information along the way, your beautiful stories, and thank you for taking the time to share with us. 

Colleen: Thank you so, so much for having me. It was such a pleasure. 

Meagan: Absolutely. 

Closing

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