The Virtual Midwife

In April of 2011, Jen McLellan launched the Plus Size Mommy Memoirs (now called Plus Mommy) blog, housed within the Plus Size Birthwebsite. This award-winning blog, which has received over 4 million pageviews, focused on topics ranging from plus size pregnancy to birth, body positivity to motherhood. A Facebook page and exploded overnight and brought together thousands of plus size women of all walks of life.

After blogging for seven years Jen felt a desire to try something new and deeper explore topics surrounding motherhood and body image. The Plus Size Birth website is now focused on conception, pregnancy and postpartum for plus size people. Whereas the Plus Mommy website and podcast hones in on motherhood and body love, while still sharing stories and resources around plus size Pregnancy.

Jen McLellan is a published author, founder of [Plus Size Birth](https://plussizebirth.com/) and host of the Plus Mommy Podcast. She helps people navigate the world of plus size pregnancy, shares tips for embracing your body and laughs her way through the adventures of parenthood. Jen has grown a community of over 177,000 via the [Plus Mommy Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/plusmommyblog/)page. Her work has been featured in major publications such as Yahoo Shine, Huffington Post, Everyday Feminism, and International Doula. She authored the [My Plus Size Pregnancy Guide](https://plussizebirth.com/my-plus-size-pregnancy-guide/)and co-wrote the Amazon bestseller, [The Peachie Moms Guide to Body Love for Moms](http://amzn.to/2uIQcBN). She has an essay in Jes Baker’s book [Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls.](https://plusmommy.com/body-positive-book-club/) As a public speaker, Jen has spoken at numerous events including presenting at the National Institutes of Health. Jen is also a certified childbirth educator, wife, and mother to a charismatic eight-year-old.

It was an absolute delight talking to Jen and I am so pleased that she is part of the [Virtual Midwife family](http://hevirtualmidwife.com)  Please join me in my Facebook group [The Virtual Midwife Cafe](https://www.facebook.com/groups/thevirtualmidwifecafe) where I do weekly live mini workshops and share information and resources for pregnancy.

When you are used to being in control of your life and at work it can be difficult to let go and accept that birth is a process that cannot be 'managed' like a work project and a large part of this process involves letting go of negative beliefs, limiting beliefs, cultural conditioning and factors out of your control. 

A positive birth experience is one where you confidently participate in all the choices and decisions during pregnancy and birth. 

You can control your attitude and your ability to be flexible in the face of unexpected circumstances. You can control your mind, your thoughts, your beliefs and your expectations. 

Letting go of factors that are out of your control might be a bit daunting at first, but between every event or circumstance that arises and the final outcome, there is a potential space that contains your freedom to choose how you will respond. How you respond greatly influences the outcome and how you feel about the outcome which is also important (its your everlasting memory). What you want ultimately is a positive birth experience where you confidently participate in all the choices and decisions during pregnancy and birth and emerge transformed by your experience. This episode will highlight the steps to get there. Please join me in the [Virtual Midwife Cafe](https://www.facebook.com/groups/thevirtualmidwifecafe/) where I do weekly live mini workshops and offer you a space to get answers to  your questions about pregnancy and birth. 

**What is an expectation? **

In the case of uncertainty, expectation is what is considered the most likely to happen. An expectation, which is a belief that is centered on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less advantageous result gives rise to the emotion of disappointment. 

Wikipedia

**What is a belief?**

Belief is the state of mind in which a person thinks something to be the case with or without there being empirical evidence to prove that something is the case with factual certainty. 

Wikipedia

Researchers have been able to show direct links between a mother’s expectations around birth and how she experiences labour. One such study concluded that:  “anxiety about the pain of labour was a strong predictor of negative experiences during labour, lack of satisfaction with the birth and poor emotional wellbeing postnatally. Women tended to experience what they expected to, whether that was a lot of pain or a little.”(1)

The reason for this is that humans (like any other mammal), need to feel private and safe during labour for our birthing hormones to work as they were intended. Feelings of anxiety and fear activate the sympathetic nervous system putting us into ‘fight/flight/freeze mode’, which not only slows labour, but also makes it a great deal more painful.

In our society it is a miracle if a woman gets to adulthood without taking on the belief that childbirth is inherently painful. We have been taught this since a young age. It’s the way childbirth is portrayed in the media, and it’s reinforced in all of the horror stories that people love to tell us (particularly when we are pregnant).

Reducing fears about childbirth is a highly effective way to reduce pain and improve birth outcomes. While physical preparation helps immensely with stamina and strength, in my view it is the emotional preparation that has the most impact on how childbirth is experienced by the mother, both physically and psychologically.

One reason our beliefs are so important is because we all suffer from a cognitive bias called the ‘confirmation bias’. This bias causes us to preferentially seek out information that supports our underlying beliefs while also ignoring or misinterpreting information that would disprove those beliefs.

Because of this, two people with differing beliefs can experience the same exact scene in very different ways. Behind the scenes, our brains are subconsciously on the lookout for information that supports our beliefs.

I met the [Surfing Midwife](http://www.thesurfingmidwife.com/) [Margreet Wibbelink](http://www.thesurfingmidwife.com/about/) at the Sensitive Midwifery Conference in 2018 and was immediately blown away by her charisma and her message. She came to South Africa from the Netherlands on a one way ticket and 14 years later she is still here and literally making waves in the birth world here. Besides having surfed on the pro circuit in the [world surf champs](http://www.worldsurfleague.com/athletes/4716/margreet-wibbelink) - she is leading the way in making change in the Eastern Cape, South Africa.

Soon after she arrived from the Netherlands she started the [Healthy Mom and Baby Clinic](http://www.hmbc.co.za/) which began as a small clinic offering antenatal services and has grown into an NPO is now a full on midwife practice, with services ranging from ante natal care, post natal care, breastfeeding, family planning, and ante natal services with a holistic approach, including counselling.

Margreet share with us how shocked she was at the high rate of c/sections and interventions and how this influenced her decision to stay in South Africa. We talk about the difference between the [medical model of care vs. the midwifery model of care](https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/what-is-the-difference-between-the-medical-the-midwife-model-of-care-and-does-it-matter/) and how important it is to raise awareness on the role of the midwife in pregnancy and birth in order to reduce the high intervention rate here.

Despite working as a private midwife offering home and hospital births with back up from a local doctor, she has partnered with [Sensitive Midwifery](https://sensitivemidwifery.co.za/) and together they are working on initiatives to improve midwifery in Southern Africa. And if that isn't enough - she has also just finished her Phd so she is now a Doctor!!

I loved chatting to Magreet and I know you enjoy listening to her story. I couldn't think of a better way to introduce Season 2 of the Virtual Midwife Podcast. Enjoy!

So often, ladies will feedback to me that they “did not know how to push” or that they they were told that they were “doing it wrong.” I am always dismayed when I hear these stories because pushing is instinctive when you work with your body and what you are feeling. You will use the same muscles and techniques as you do when you pass a stool and nobody has ever told you that you are doing it wrong and I am certain that you know exactly what you are doing when you go to the toilet every day. There is never any second guessing yourself of wondering if you are doing it correctly. You just feel an urge to go to the bathroom to have a poo, you sit on the loo and you do it. In saying that, it would not be so easy if you sat on the loo trying to have poo without having any urge to do so. I mean you could sit there for hours, push until you are blue in the face and still nothing would happen. This is what happens when you are instructed to push without the urge to do so and it is called "purple pushing." Being instructed to push against your body’s natural instinct does not improve anything or make things progress any faster and should not be encouraged if your baby is not in distress. The unwanted and unnecessary effects of purple pushing are: 

* Increased risk for tearing 

* Low maternal oxygen levels 

* Low maternal blood pressure 

* Exhaustion 

* Increased likelihood of interventions (episiotomies, assisted delivery, c-section) 

* Fetal distress 

* Potential problems with urinary continence after birth. 

**What if the staff are telling me that I am ready to push? **

In this case you would want to know if they are wanting you to push because there is a problem. Please note that if this situation occured, then it would most likely be after many hours of labor and you and your partner will be tired and ready to go with whatever is being suggested. It is not the ideal time for negotiation and questioning and I recommend that your partner takes the lead here as you will be “in the zone” and you do not want something like this to get you out of the zone. In fact as far as possible, you need to keep focusing on what is happening to you while your partner asks the following questions:

* Are you concerned about the baby? Is there any sign of fetal distress?

* Is there any immediate/urgent reason to encourage pushing now?

* Can we delay pushing until my partner feels the urge to push and if so, will you give us the time and space to allow this to happen without interruption. 

You can add that you have done significant preparation for your birth and that you understand how important it is that your partner is able to work with the natural urge to push. You understand that the baby needs to move into the best position for this to happen. You understand that when your baby’s head presses on receptors in the cervix and later in the vagina, your brain receives the signal to release more oxytocin which triggers strong, expulsive contractions known as the Ferguson’s reflex.  You might use this time to work together with your partner to change positions to encourage your baby to move down. Any position that opens the outlet of the pelvis will be good here so consider:

* forward leaning wide knee [child's pose](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqVMAPM00DM)

* a deep partner supported squat 

* the [side lying release](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_kMy5MWy8Q) done on both sides for 3 contractions on each side. 

**What else can I do to encourage my baby down? **

Your baby is being moved gradually down from the uterus, through the dilated cervix and into your vagina. Your contractions are still strong and regular and with every contraction your baby is being gently nudged down. Sometimes your contractions slow down in order to give you time to rest and gather your strength. Sheila Kitzinger calls this the "rest and be thankful" stage and it is merely a matter of time before your co

Every day I get asked questions about labor so  I thought it would be a good idea to make a podcast of the top 10\. Please join me in the [Virtual Midwife Cafe](https://www.facebook.com/groups/thevirtualmidwifecafe/) where I get to chat about these in more detail and where we have weekly live chats for me to answer your questions or if you have any other burning questions. 

* What to do if you lose your  mucus plug.

* How to know how far dilated you are.

* How to know the difference between Braxton Hicks and contractions

* What will real contractions feel like?

* How long can you stay at home?

* How to time contractions.

* How long is an average labor?

* What causes the water to break on its own?

* What color should it be?

* When should you go to hospital if your water has broken.

Understanding the full picture of what happens to your body in labor is covered in my [Ultimate Course for Giving Birth](https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/online-birth-pregnancy-course/) and includes the reference eBook. If you have not already downloaded my [Birth Breathing App](https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/birth-breathing/id1295854733?mt=8) then head on over to iTunes and do, so that you can get practising and become more breath aware. Looking forward to seeing you in the my Virtual cafe so we can meet and chat. Karen 

[The Virtual Midwife](https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/)

If you are 34+ weeks pregnant and your baby is in breech position, this meditation is for you. While there is still plenty of time for your baby to move, this guided visualisation will help to focus your thoughts. I recommend using it together with exercises from [Spinning Babies](www.spinningbabies.com) to loosen and ease the muscles and ligaments to allow for movement. As always, this does not replace sound medical advice and should be used in conjunction with medical care. 

Here are just some of the ways that I can help you

The 10 day Birth Plan

https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/online-childbirth-course/ 

A 10 day guided online course to create a realistic and powerful birth plan that includes the 10 essential elements of birth preparation. 

Ultimate Online Birth Course

https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/online-birth-pregnancy-course/

A self directed, work at your own pace, holistic course of video, audio and written content to guide you step by step through each stage of pregnancy. 

Personal Pregnancy Coach

https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/pregnancy-coach/

As your personal pregnancy coach I will guide you step by step through all your pregnancy highs and lows and give you all the support and resources to have a safe and gentle birth. I am committed to working together with you and your partner to co-create your best pregnancy, birth and baby experience. I create a safe and supportive environment, allowing you to expand your view of what is possible and promote discovery of new insights and possibilities. I will encourage you to experience your pregnancy from the inside out. This is a highly personalised package that includes access to all my courses and bi-monthly check in calls. I will guide you through doctors visits, discuss your choices, share the latest evidence and direct you to the best care and resources. Together we co-create a beautiful, positive pregnancy and birth experience. 

VIP Experience

https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/vip-experience/

I invite you to journey away from life as you know it and allow yourself a weekend away with me to co-create and prepare for your birth. I work closely with Alila luxury boutique hotel brand to offer these VIP 1 or 2 day retreats. The brand reflects my commitment to luxury and service excellence. Alila means “Surprise” in Sanskrit, which suitably describes the refreshing character of their properties and impressions of the guests.

Listen to my podcast

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-midwife/id1369615456?mt=2

The Virtual Midwife podcast is for the thinking woman, not afraid to question the current policy based maternity system. In this podcast she shares lessons from the labor room, women's wisdom, interviews with thought leaders and discussions with change makers, along with transformational lessons and meditations for pregnancy and birth.

Download my App - Birth Breathing

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/birth-breathing/id1295854733?mt=8

A simple tool to help you incorporate the 5 essential breathing techniques into your daily life during pregnancy so that you are fully prepared for labor and birth. 

Watch my Youtube Channel

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCae38jfCkPZTc3-8SFDuTMA

Video tutorials, prenatal yoga classes, tips and tricks for labor and birth. 

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram

https://business.facebook.com/groups/thevirtualmidwifecafe/

Regardless of whether you are having an elective c/section out of choice or circumstance, it gives you an opportunity to prepare yourself for an exact date. This guided visualisation will fast forward you in time to the day your baby will be born and imagine how you might be feeling, visualise what will happen and mentally prepare yourself so that you are able to go into surgery feeling calm and connected to your baby. Use the time to prepare yourself AND your baby for the journey ahead. I recommend listening to this meditation daily in the week prior to your scheduled date and enjoy. 

These meditations are part of my online program preparing you for a safe and gentle birth. See more on my website [The Virtual Midwife](https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/) or join my group on facebook [The Virtual Midwife Cafe](https://business.facebook.com/groups/thevirtualmidwifecafe/?ref=pages_profile_groups_tab&source_id=928774567172861)

Here are just some of the ways that I can help you

The 10 day Birth Plan

https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/online-childbirth-course/ 

A 10 day guided online course to create a realistic and powerful birth plan that includes the 10 essential elements of birth preparation. 

Ultimate Online Birth Course

https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/online-birth-pregnancy-course/

A self directed, work at your own pace, holistic course of video, audio and written content to guide you step by step through each stage of pregnancy. 

Personal Pregnancy Coach

https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/pregnancy-coach/

As your personal pregnancy coach I will guide you step by step through all your pregnancy highs and lows and give you all the support and resources to have a safe and gentle birth. I am committed to working together with you and your partner to co-create your best pregnancy, birth and baby experience. I create a safe and supportive environment, allowing you to expand your view of what is possible and promote discovery of new insights and possibilities. I will encourage you to experience your pregnancy from the inside out. This is a highly personalised package that includes access to all my courses and bi-monthly check in calls. I will guide you through doctors visits, discuss your choices, share the latest evidence and direct you to the best care and resources. Together we co-create a beautiful, positive pregnancy and birth experience. 

VIP Experience

https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/vip-experience/

I invite you to journey away from life as you know it and allow yourself a weekend away with me to co-create and prepare for your birth. I work closely with Alila luxury boutique hotel brand to offer these VIP 1 or 2 day retreats. The brand reflects my commitment to luxury and service excellence. Alila means “Surprise” in Sanskrit, which suitably describes the refreshing character of their properties and impressions of the guests.

Download my App - Birth Breathing

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/birth-breathing/id1295854733?mt=8

A simple tool to help you incorporate the 5 essential breathing techniques into your daily life during pregnancy so that you are fully prepared for labor and birth.

It is always a concern if you have been diagnosed with placenta preavia, especially if you are hoping to have a natural birth. This guided visualisation will help you to harness the power of your mind to imagine your placenta gradually moving up and thus allowing your baby to move into the perfect position for birth. Your mind does not know the difference between imagination and reality which is the essence of using visualisation for change. I recommend listening to this daily if you are in your second trimester and you have been told that your placenta is partially or totally covering your cervix. 

These meditations are part of my online program preparing you for a safe and gentle birth. See more on my website [The Virtual Midwife](https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/) or join my group on facebook [The Virtual Midwife Cafe](https://www.facebook.com/groups/thevirtualmidwifecafe/)

Midwifery is a sacred art and through it we honour those who came before us. Our generation did not invent the right to give birth where and with whom one chooses, and we revere the instincts that facilitate healthy non-medical births all over the world. [Ancient Art Midwifery Institute](https://www.ancientartmidwifery.com/) is fundamentally dedicated to the promotion of midwifery as more than a contemporary profession.  We want to be known as someone who held space and provided resources for the next generation of smart, caring midwives who practice the ancient art of touching the future. [Lori Barklage](http://www.birthingpeacewithin.com/free-consultation/) is the founder of [Birthing peace within](http://www.birthingpeacewithin.com/) and continues to share the resources and wisdom of this ancient art.

Real Food for Pregnancy

[Lily Nichols](http://pilatesnutritionist.com/), takes prenatal nutrition advice out of the dark ages and provides an easy-to-follow guide for making the best food and lifestyle choices during pregnancy.

Most prenatal nutrition advice is either outdated or not evidenced-based. In [Real Food for Pregnancy](http://realfoodforpregnancy.com/), Lily Nichol’s debunks a LOT of prenatal nutrition myths. Misconceptions of conventional prenatal nutrition: macronutrients, salt, “foods to avoid,” fish, etc.   In this episode we talk about testing for gestational diabetes—pros/cons of all the methods and traditional postpartum care and the impact of nutrients on breast milk quality. If you are pregnant and wondering about which foods you SHOULD eat and how to get the best nutrition then listen to this episode.

Karen [The Virtual Midwife](https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/) is on Youtube Facebook and Instagram[](https://www.thevirtualmidwife.com/)