Things You Learn in Therapy

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What if your most explosive moments as a mother aren't failures, but crucial messages your mind and body are sending? Licensed Professional Counselor Nicole McNelis returns to unpack the powerful truth behind maternal rage - that overwhelming anger isn't a character flaw but a rational response to impossible expectations and unmet needs.

"Mom rage is not a meltdown, it's a message," McNelis explains, offering a refreshing perspective that removes shame from these difficult experiences. Drawing from her clinical practice and research, she identifies the two primary triggers behind maternal rage: compromised needs and violated expectations. When mothers consistently sacrifice sleep, personal boundaries, and self-care while facing unrealistic standards of maternal perfection, rage becomes an inevitable warning signal that something must change.

The conversation explores how social media complicates motherhood by presenting idealized versions of parenting alongside oversimplified advice. Parenting trends like "gentle parenting" often get misinterpreted as requiring mothers to constantly prioritize children's needs while suppressing their own emotions - creating a perfect storm for resentment and eventual emotional explosion. McNellis advocates approaching these trends with "a lens that is both compassionate and critical," evaluating strategies based on what actually works for your unique family rather than forcing approaches that consistently fail.

Most powerfully, McNelis suggests that maternal rage can become "a catalyst for positive change" when properly understood. By listening to these emotional signals with self-compassion instead of judgment, mothers can identify necessary adjustments in family systems and personal boundaries. Just as McNelis describes embracing the possibility of rejection in her professional growth, mothers can approach parenting with a willingness to experiment, fail, learn, and grow - replacing the pursuit of perfection with the more sustainable practice of authentic presence.

Ready to transform how you understand your most difficult emotional moments? Listen now and discover how your anger might actually be your wisdom speaking.

Here are additional resources from Nicole:

https://postpartum.net/mom-rage-causes-ways-to-cope-and-reasons-for-hope/

https://www.instagram.com/therapist.mom.collective/

Research Study for Maternal Health Professionals on Maternal Rage: We are interested in learning more about attitudes and experiences working with maternal rage as a presenting concern. If you are a maternal health professional, please consider taking our survey to share your experiences so we can develop better training and interventions to address this common issue. Survey link: https://redcap.pcom.edu/surveys/?s=R8KEE48KCXFFLW9R. If you have any questions, please contact Dr. Alexa Bonacquisti at [email protected]. Thank you!

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

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The silence around menopause and sexuality in midlife is finally breaking. Sex therapist Brooke Bralove returns to the podcast for a candid, informative conversation about what women really experience during perimenopause and menopause—and why suffering should never be the default option.

Brooke reveals that even as medical understanding evolves, many healthcare providers remain woefully undereducated about treating menopausal symptoms. Most OBGYNs receive just hours of training on menopause management throughout their entire medical education. This knowledge gap leaves countless women struggling with hot flashes, painful sex, mood swings, joint pain, and fatigue without proper support or treatment.

The conversation dives deep into how hormone replacement therapy (HRT) has been misunderstood and unfairly maligned. Contrary to outdated beliefs, many forms of HRT are safe and effective for managing symptoms that significantly impact quality of life. Brooke encourages listeners to seek out menopause-educated providers who understand current research rather than accepting outdated "it's just part of aging" dismissals.

Beyond the physical aspects, we explore how menopause affects relationships and sexual satisfaction. Many couples who've been together for decades have never had honest conversations about their sexual needs. Brooke offers practical strategies for breaking through shame and initiating these difficult discussions, including "walk and talk" conversations and sexual activity lists that help partners express preferences without direct confrontation.

For women experiencing painful intercourse—a common menopausal symptom—the message is clear: stop. Expanding our definition of sex beyond penetration becomes increasingly important as bodies change. As Brooke puts it, "Women in their 40s and 50s are very empowered and want more pleasure. They know they can have it."

Want to learn more about navigating menopause and enhancing intimacy in midlife? Visit About Brooke Bralove | Bethesda, MD or follow @brookebralove_psychotherapy on social media for resources that can help you reclaim pleasure and well-being during this transformative life stage. 

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at [email protected]

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What if the most powerful therapy happens not in "safe spaces," but in "brave spaces"? This game-changing conversation with Barbara Sheehan-Zeidler, a licensed professional counselor from Colorado, challenges our fundamental understanding of the therapeutic relationship.

Barbara introduces us to the profound concept of brave space through Micky ScottBey Jones's poem, which begins: "Together we will create brave space, because there is no such thing as a safe space." This perspective shift transforms how therapists approach their work—moving from attempting to create perfect safety to fostering courage and resilience alongside their clients.

Using the powerful metaphor of a lighthouse, Barbara explains how therapists can maintain their steady presence while clients navigate the rocky waters of their emotional experiences. Rather than rushing to rescue clients from their struggles, therapists can provide a constant beacon that helps clients find their own way back to regulation. This approach honors clients' innate capacity for healing while preventing therapist burnout.

The distinction between heroism and courage emerges as a central theme. "Heroism is when I go slay your dragon," Barbara explains, "while courage and being brave is watching you slay your own dragon." This perspective empowers clients to develop true self-agency rather than dependency on the therapist. Similarly, the simple addition of the word "enough" when asking "Are you okay enough now?" acknowledges that healing happens incrementally and gives clients permission to be works in progress.

For therapists and anyone in helping roles, this conversation offers a sustainable approach to supporting others without sacrificing your own well-being. Learn why authentic presence matters more than perfect technique, and how creating brave spaces allows both therapists and clients to show up more fully in the healing journey.

For more about Barbara's incredible work, check out her website: Meet Barbara - Creative & Caring Counseling

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at [email protected]

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Have you ever watched a TikTok about ADHD symptoms and thought, "That's totally me!" or found yourself wondering if your social discomfort might actually be diagnosable anxiety? You're not alone.

In this thought-provoking conversation with returning guest Dr. Tim Hess, we dive into the increasingly common phenomenon of mental health self-diagnosis. We explore how our success in destigmatizing mental health conversations has led to an unexpected consequence: the transformation of clinical diagnoses into personal identities and social labels.

The easy access of mental health information through social media has created a world where anyone can share "facts" about psychological conditions, leading many to adopt diagnostic labels without professional assessment. We discuss the powerful appeal of having a name for your experiences—how a diagnosis can bring validation, community, and in some contexts, accommodations or relief from expectations. But we also wrestle with the critical question of "clinically significant impairment" and what happens when normative human experiences become pathologized.

Dr. Hess shares insightful observations from his work in college mental health, where he frequently encounters students who arrive with firmly-held self-diagnoses. We examine the paradoxical position mental health professionals now face: historically emphasizing respect for clients' self-knowledge while also maintaining diagnostic expertise. This tension raises profound questions about gatekeeping, accessibility, and how we respond to human distress in institutional settings.

Whether you've found yourself researching symptoms online or you're a professional navigating these waters with clients, this conversation offers nuanced perspectives on finding balance between validation and accuracy, between personal experience and professional assessment. Listen in as we explore one of the most complex challenges facing mental health work today.

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at [email protected]

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What happens when traditional masculinity meets modern mental health needs? Dr. Tim Hess, licensed psychologist and Associate Director for Clinical Services at Ball State University's Counseling Center, joins Dr. Beth Trammell to unpack the complex world of men's mental health in this thought-provoking conversation.

From the moment Dr. Hess introduces his metaphor of "deciding when to stop yelling at the tsunami and start surfing," listeners are drawn into a nuanced exploration of how masculinity scripts shape men's emotional lives. Drawing from his extensive experience working with college-age men, Tim reveals how traditional Western masculinity ideologies—focused on achievement, emotional control, and independence—continue to influence how men perceive themselves and their emotional needs, even as these scripts evolve across generations.

One of the most powerful insights emerges when discussing romantic relationships: many young men place all their emotional eggs in one relationship basket, leaving them devastated and without support when that relationship ends. This leads to the profound observation that "the moment you need a friend is not the moment to build friendship"—a universal truth that resonates far beyond the realm of men's mental health.

Throughout the episode, Dr. Trammell and Dr. Hess navigate the delicate balance of recognizing patterns in masculine socialization while honoring individual differences. They explore how therapy provides a safe space for vulnerability, the challenges men face in building meaningful friendships, and the often-undiscussed impact of body image and sexual performance concerns on men's self-perception.

Whether you're a mental health professional, someone who identifies as male, or simply interested in understanding how gender expectations shape emotional wellbeing, this conversation offers valuable insights into creating more supportive environments where vulnerability is welcomed rather than stigmatized. Join us for this engaging discussion and tune in next week when Dr. Hess returns to tackle the increasingly relevant topic of self-diagnosis.

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at [email protected]

Support the show

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Send us Fan Mail

The secret to effective child therapy isn't just what happens in the therapist's office – it's who's in the room. Kim Feeney, an Adlerian play therapist, makes a compelling case for why parental involvement isn't optional when healing children's emotional wounds.

"Parents are the experts on their child," Kim emphasizes, explaining how Adlerian therapy recognizes that all behavior serves a purpose within family systems. Without understanding a child's family atmosphere, therapists miss crucial context for meaningful intervention. Think about it this way: parents have 365 days of influence annually, teachers have 180 school days, while therapists might have just 45 sessions – who are the real change-makers in this equation?

The conversation explores common obstacles to family involvement in therapy and practical strategies for overcoming them. From scheduling challenges to parental discomfort with play, Kim offers straightforward approaches that honor both parent and child needs. Parents often arrive feeling defeated and overwhelmed, making the therapist's ability to validate their expertise while guiding new skills particularly crucial.

Beyond family dynamics, we dive into the concerning decline of play skills across childhood. Kim provides age-specific recommendations for meaningful play: non-directive approaches for preschoolers, collaborative projects for elementary children, and – perhaps surprisingly – continued playful connection with teenagers. "Teenagers need play too," Kim insists, suggesting parents allow teens to become the experts who teach them about their interests. Sometimes being "cringe" is exactly what creates breakthrough moments!

For fellow therapists, Kim offers wisdom about the patience required in child therapy. The process often involves several sessions before addressing presenting concerns directly. Through metaphorical play – puppet shows about fighting animals or games of "monkey in the middle" – children communicate their struggles in ways words cannot capture. "We're just planting seeds," she reminds us, with results that might not blossom until years later.

Ready to transform your approach to understanding and connecting with the children in your life? Discover more about Kim's work at butterflybeginningscounseling.com.

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at [email protected]

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THROWBACK episode! As I re-listened to this episode from my other podcast, I knew I needed to share it again here! As we approach the new school year, there are some really great reminders in this episode. Enjoy!

What do teachers and school administrators really want students to know? In this revealing conversation, Dr. Beth Trammell sits down with Katie Preston, a veteran school counselor with more than 14 years of experience and a background in social work. Together, they unpack three critical messages that can transform a student's educational experience.

"Asking for help is a strength, not a weakness" stands as the cornerstone of their discussion. Preston highlights how students often avoid questions fearing they'll appear unintelligent, when in reality, teachers eagerly welcome questions as signs of engagement and intellectual curiosity. This insight proves particularly valuable for parents who might inadvertently discourage question-asking at home while attempting to foster independence in their teens.

The conversation shifts to a profound reminder that "your education is about you, not about your friends." While social connections remain vital to school life, Preston emphasizes how students frequently make educational decisions based primarily on peer influence rather than personal fit. From course selections to extracurricular activities, following your unique path requires courage but ultimately leads to greater fulfillment and success.

Perhaps most powerfully, Preston challenges the notion that college represents the only valid post-secondary path. "College is not for everyone, but being educated is," she explains, validating multiple routes to meaningful careers and fulfilling lives. The essential element isn't a specific degree but rather continued growth, development, and learning appropriate to one's chosen field.

The episode concludes with a preview of a future discussion about parenting multiple children and honoring their different approaches to education and life planning. How can parents shift their expectations and communication styles to support each child's unique journey?

Join this insightful conversation that offers practical wisdom for students, parents, and educators alike. Subscribe to hear more conversations that help make your words matter in supporting young people's growth and development.

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at [email protected]

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Have you been putting off "the talk" with your child or teenager? You're not alone—and the consequences of that avoidance might be more significant than you realize. This eye-opening conversation between Dr. Beth Trammell and therapist Sierra Dator tackles the challenging but crucial topic of discussing sex, intimacy, and consent with teenagers.

The wisdom shared throughout this episode comes from a place of genuine understanding—both of adolescent development and parental hesitation. As Sierra poignantly notes, "If we're not talking to them about it, they're getting information from someone or somewhere, and probably likely on a device." This observation frames the entire conversation: parents must become trusted sources of information or risk having their teens learn from potentially problematic online content.

What makes this episode particularly valuable is its practical approach. Rather than suggesting a single "birds and bees" discussion, the experts advocate for ongoing conversations that evolve as children mature. They offer concrete strategies for initiating these discussions, including "working backward" by determining what values and information you want your teen to possess before leaving home, using media as conversation starters, and normalizing the awkwardness that often accompanies these talks.

The discussion on enthusiastic consent should be required listening for all parents of teenagers. Sierra explains the critical difference between reluctant agreement and genuine enthusiasm, noting that "if you can't talk about sex with your partner, it's probably a red flag that you're not ready." This framework gives parents language to help their teens navigate intimate relationships safely and respectfully.

Whether you're a parent feeling unsure about how to broach these topics or a clinician seeking to better support families, this episode provides the tools you need to have these essential conversations. Take the first step in becoming that askable adult your teenager needs by listening, reflecting, and then starting the conversation—even if it feels awkward at first.

To find more about Sierra and her work: Sierra Dator, MSW, LCSW ⋆ Therapy For Anxiety, Depression, OCD, and Life Challenges

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at [email protected]

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Ever caught yourself saying, "I should start a podcast"? You're not alone. But between technical hurdles and fears of speaking into the void, many never take that first step. That's why we've brought in podcast editor extraordinaire Phil Quinn to demystify the entire process.

Phil peels back the curtain on what truly matters when launching a podcast—and it's not expensive microphones or technical wizardry. "If you've got a laptop with a camera on it and a pair of AirPods, you can podcast," he reveals. The real challenge? Understanding the time commitment and knowing exactly who you want to reach. With over 4 million podcasts competing for attention, having clear direction makes all the difference between creating another forgotten show and building something meaningful.

We dive deep into practical strategies that won't overwhelm beginners, from utilizing "power advocates" to grow your audience organically to leveraging AI tools for content creation. Phil shares his experience working with local businesses for starter sponsorships ($25 per episode) while I offer perspective on how podcasting can indirectly generate income through workshops and consulting opportunities. We also explore the nuts and bolts—recording equipment, hosting platforms like Buzzsprout and SoundCloud, and the importance of owning your content through a dedicated website.

Throughout our conversation, one theme emerges repeatedly: authenticity trumps perfection. The moments that resonate most with listeners are rarely the polished sound bites but rather the genuine, unguarded exchanges that make podcasting such a powerful medium. If you've been sitting on an idea, waiting for the "perfect time" to launch your podcast, this episode might just be the gentle nudge you need. Subscribe, share with that friend who's been talking about starting a podcast for years, and let us know what ideas this conversation sparks for you!

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at [email protected]

Support the show

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What if you could love your children deeply while admitting you don't always love the phase of parenting you're currently experiencing? This refreshingly honest conversation between Dr. Beth Trammell and maternal mental health specialist Megan MacCutcheon dismantles one of the most pervasive myths of motherhood: that we must cherish and enjoy every moment.

The episode begins with Megan sharing a revealing Mother's Day experience where she found herself struggling with her elementary school-aged children's behavior, only to later visit her sister and feel nostalgic for the toddler phase she once navigated. This moment of recognition sparked an important realization—different seasons of motherhood naturally resonate differently with us, and that's perfectly normal.

Throughout their discussion, both experts share personal struggles with specific parenting phases while offering practical strategies for managing the more challenging seasons. From the importance of nervous system regulation through simple breathing exercises to creating intentional transitions between work and home life, they provide accessible tools that don't feel like "one more thing" on an already overwhelming to-do list.

Perhaps most valuable is their exploration of the harmful impact of common phrases like "you're going to miss this" or "enjoy every moment," which, while well-intentioned, often intensify feelings of guilt and inadequacy. Instead, they advocate for a more nuanced perspective that allows for the complexity of parenting emotions—the ability to deeply love your children while simultaneously finding certain phases genuinely difficult.

Whether you're currently in a parenting season that feels overwhelming or simply need permission to acknowledge the full spectrum of your motherhood experience, this episode offers both validation and practical wisdom. Subscribe to hear more conversations that honor the real, unfiltered journey of parenting, and visit https://www.meganmaccutcheon.com/ to access additional resources for navigating motherhood's challenging seasons.

This podcast is meant to be a resource for the general public, as well as fellow therapists/psychologists. It is NOT meant to replace the meaningful work of individual or family therapy. Please seek professional help in your area if you are struggling. #breakthestigma #makewordsmatter #thingsyoulearnintherapy #thingsyoulearnintherapypodcast

If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns, please contact 988 or seek a treatment provider in your area.

If you are a therapist or psychologist and want to be a guest on the show, please complete this form to apply: https://forms.gle/ooy8QirpgL2JSLhP6

Feel free to share your thoughts at www.makewordsmatterforgood.com or email me at [email protected]

Support the show

www.bethtrammell.com