My guest this week is Laura McKowen, author of the memoir, We Are the Luckiest: The Surprising Magic of a Sober Life. This was great discussion not just about the pervasiveness of alcohol in our culture and the challenge of leaving behind alcohol addiction, but about the urge we all have to escape in some way. As someone who gave up alcohol myself about three years ago, I can say from experience that a sober life has many advantages, even if you don't consider yourself a "problem drinker."

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My guest this week is psychiatrist Dr. Stuart Eisendrath, who specializes in mindfulness-based treatment of depression. We discussed his new book, When Antidepressants Aren’t Enough: Harnessing the Power of Mindfulness to Alleviate Depression (affiliate link), in which he describes the need for more effective depression treatments. Unfortunately millions of people find that medication alone fails to provide adequate relief from depression. In this episode you'll hear Dr. Eisendrath describe the power of mindful awareness in the treatment of depression, and what led him and his team to adapt mindfulness-based cognitive therapy for the treatment of active depression.

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My guest this week is Robyn Spizman, author of a recent book called Loving Out Loud: The Power of a Kind Word. We focused on ways to share more love and connection with the people in our lives. For the most it’s just a matter of paying attention for opportunities. I think all of us can benefit from Robyn’s message and her positivity.

As Robyn describes, she had some real challenges going on in her life, but she seems determined to find love and joy right in the middle of these difficulties. I often assume it’s easy for others to be joyful because they don’t have the challenges I have, but that’s probably never true. So I was inspired by Robyn’s example.

Topics we talked about together included:

What inspired Robyn to write this book

What it means to “love out loud”

How to be on the lookout for opportunities to share love with others

The self-serving effects of showing love

The importance of being a gracious receiver of others’ love

Helping others understand how to love us

Making a practice of noticing something positive each day

How to start the day with an open heart and a positive attitude

The problem of making it safe for other not to tell us the truth

Understanding others’ likes and dislikes so we know how best to love them

Thinking about the ways we want to be remembered by others

How I made good friends with my local fishmonger

Recognizing the love that comes through others’ service

A good life as a lot of little loving moments

Ways to deepen our relationships with our romantic partners

How to love our friends out loud

I hope this conversation inspires you to share love in your own life as you find opportunities to give and receive love and appreciation.

Robyn Spizman is an award-winning, New York Times bestselling author and popular keynote speaker.

She has appeared in the media for over three decades, including NBC’s Today show more than thirty times. She lives in Atlanta.

Visit Robyn at her website and on Twitter and Facebook.

My guest this week is Robyn Spizman, author of a recent book called Loving Out Loud: The Power of a Kind Word. We focused on ways to share more love and connection with the people in our lives. For the most it’s just a matter of paying attention for opportunities. As Robyn describes, she had some real challenges going on in her life, but she seems determined to find love and joy right in the middle of these difficulties. I often assume it’s easy for others to be joyful because they don’t have the challenges I have, but that’s probably never true. I think all of us can benefit from Robyn’s message and her positivity.

Get full access to Think Act Be with Seth Gillihan at thinkactbe.substack.com/subscribe

My guest this week is Kristi Hugstad, author of Beneath the Surface: A Teen’s Guide to Reaching Out When You or Your Friend Is in Crisis. Kristi was moved to write this book as part of her efforts to address the stigma of mental illness, especially among young people, after her husband died by suicide. In this episode we talked about the rising rates of depression among teens and some of the possible causes, including the role of technology and social media, and how to recognize the signs of a depression crisis in a loved one. 

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My guest this week is Captain Tom Bunn, a former airline pilot who is now a psychotherapist. Tom specializes in treating panic, which he got into through helping people with a fear of flying. Now he’s written a book, Panic Free: The 10-Day Program to End Panic, Anxiety, and Claustrophobia (affiliate link), which describes a way to use human connection to stop the panic response.

This was a really interesting book and a fascinating conversation. You’ll discover in this episode how oxytocin can stop panic from developing, and how to engage the parasympathetic nervous system to put the brakes on a runaway fear reaction. Other things we talked about included:

Why panic is so distressing

What is missing from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for some individuals with panic

How Tom developed his treatment approach for panic

The types of memories that can trigger oxytocin release

Stephen Porges’s research on the social engagement system and Polyvagal Theory

The important of the quality of another person’s voice in activating the calming response (see this previous episode with YogaVoice creator Mark Moliterno)

How Tom transitioned from being a pilot to being a therapist

Why knowing the safety facts doesn’t eliminate fear of flying

The limitations of relying on what is conscious when treating panic

The importance of quieting the hyperarousal “alarm” in order to deal effectively with panic

Linking panic-related situations to memories of social engagement to activate the calming system

The imperative of practicing the techniques Tom recommends

The function of a “safety person” in panic disorder

The importance of picking the right person to provide the appropriate calming response

The limits of control in panic

The problem with emotional reasoning (that feeling unsafe means you’re in danger)

“Psychic equivalence”: not being able to distinguish between one’s fears and reality

The kind of meditation that can be most useful in managing panic

Training the brain such that fear triggers calming rather than more arousal

Toward the end of the episode I noted the overlap between Tom's approach and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed by Dr. Steven Hayes. Here's more background on what ACT is and how it works.

Here is Tom's first book: SOAR: The Breakthrough Treatment for Fear of Flying (affiliate link)

If you suffer from panic attacks and claustrophobia in tight spaces, there’s a lot to take from this episode. Please share it with someone you care about if they’re dealing with panic and could benefit from the information.

Tom Bunn, LCSW, is the author of SOAR: The Breakthrough Treatment for Fear of Flying, and Panic Free: The 10-Day Program to End Panic, Anxiety, and Claustrophobia. These books are the result of his many years addressing flight panic in his role as an airline pilot.

He is also a licensed therapist, regular contributor to Psychology Today, and a former U.S. Air Force captain who flew the Air Force’s first supersonic jet fighter, the F-100. Visit him online at http://www.panicfree.net.

Find Tom online at his website, and visit his treatment website where you can sign up to participate in a free live chat every Wednesday at 9:00 pm Eastern time.

My guest this week is Captain Tom Bunn, a former airline pilot who is now a psychotherapist. Tom specializes in treating panic, which he got into through helping people with a fear of flying. Now he’s written a book, Panic Free: The 10-Day Program to End Panic, Anxiety, and Claustrophobia (affiliate link), which describes a way to use human connection to stop the panic response. This was a really interesting book and a fascinating conversation. You’ll discover in this episode how oxytocin can stop panic from developing, and how to engage the parasympathetic nervous system to put the brakes on a runaway fear reaction.

Get full access to Think Act Be with Seth Gillihan at thinkactbe.substack.com/subscribe

My guest this week is poet and professor Dr. Ross Gay. I loved Ross’s recent book, The Book of Delights, which we talked a lot about in this episode. I think you’ll be able to hear how much I enjoyed talking with Ross and hearing his insights into joy, sorrow, loss, love—toward the end I was really moved by his description of self-love, and why it’s often so difficult. Hopefully this conversation will inspire you to look for everyday delights in your own life.

Get full access to Think Act Be with Seth Gillihan at thinkactbe.substack.com/subscribe

My guest this week is Aaron Walker, author of View From the Top. Aaron is a lifelong businessman, having started fourteen companies, as well as a life coach. In this episode we talk about what it means to be successful and to live a life of significance, the ultimate emptiness of money without an overarching purpose, how to move through fear, challenges, and setbacks—including some dramatic examples from Aaron’s own life—and the crucial importance of the people we surround ourselves with. 

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My guests (plural!) this week are author Margo Rabb and horticulturist Chris Fehlhaber. It’s the first time I've had two guests on the podcast, and my first face-to-face interview. I learned of Margo’s work through a beautifully moving piece she wrote for the New York Times called “Garden of Solace.” The garden she refers to is Chanticleer, which is about 15 minutes from where I live and one of our favorite destinations. It was great to have Chris join us at Margo's suggestion, as he plays a key role at Chanticleer and has deep insights into the nature of gardens and our relationship with them. The three of us explored topics like the healing power of gardens, sadness and grief as experiences that don’t need to be “fixed," links between my guests' respective passions of writing and gardening, and the love we find in relationships in which we can be ourselves.

So there’s a lot to look forward to in this discussion. Other topics we touched included:

The beauty of Chanticleer Garden, in the suburbs of Philadelphia

The move that unearthed losses in Margo’s life

The love and passion that are felt through the time and toil invested in a garden

Finding magic in a garden

Gardens as a conduit between us and other people

The ubiquity of death in the garden

Finding rebirth in a garden’s death and decay

The complicated mix that is grief

Being cheered by spending time with a garden and simply being present

The sense of physical safety that’s possible in a public garden, perhaps especially for women

The parallels between growth in a garden and the natural human tendency toward growth

Discovering as a writer a story that wants to be told

The uncertainty that both writers and gardeners work with

The difference between a sterile “healing garden” and a great spirit-filled garden

Gardening for yourself first

The honesty we find in plants and gardens

Our instinctual movement toward gardens and nature when we’re in pain or overwhelmed

Margo Rabb at The Ruin at Chanticleer Garden. (Photo by Leo Reid)

Here are links to Margo's two published books (affiliate links):

Cures for Heartbreak

Kissing in America

Chris mentioned a lovely book about Chanticleer called The Art of Gardening (affiliate link), which he was kind enough to gift to me after our interview. It's filled with inspiration for garden design and rich descriptions of the gardening philosophy at Chanticleer.

Here is information about writer and artist Edward Gorey, whom Margo referenced a couple times in our discussion.

Margo Rabb is the author of the novels Kissing in America and Cures for Heartbreak. Kissing in America was named a best book of the year by the New York Public Library, the Chicago Public Library, and the American Library Association.

Look for her forthcoming book, Lucy Clark Will Not Apologize, which will be published in the spring of 2021 by HarperCollins.

Margo's essays, journalism, book reviews, and short stories have been published in outlets like the New York Times, the New York Times Book Review, the Atlantic, Slate, Salon, Marie Claire, Seventeen, and elsewhere, and have been broadcast on NPR.

She received the grand prize in the Zoetrope short story contest, first prize in the Atlantic fiction and American Fiction contests, and a PEN Syndicated Fiction Project Award.

Margo grew up in Queens, NY, and lived in Texas, Arizona, and the Midwest before moving to the Philadelphia area with her husband and children. Find Margo online at her website and on Twitter.

Chris Fehlhaber is assistant horticulturist at Chanticleer Garden. He completed degrees in Landscape Architecture—Natural Resources and Environmental...