Thot Topics

PATRONS ONLY! You wouldn't get it.

Subscribe on Patreon for the rest of the episode.

In our iciest and spiciest episode yet, we hold a bookkeeping powwow ahead of tax season: why didn't anyone tell us we were supposed to set aside money from the Patreon to give to the government? It's not like JOE BIDEN stuck out his fucking NECK to tell the truth about Tinashe...

With the chips stacked and the coins counted, we turn to the news in Gay Guy World. First, we review the new Kim Petras single "Brrr," along with the debut EP from Ice Spice. Is the Ice Spice hate train just around the bend, or can we bask in her Bob Ross hair a little longer? Time will tell, but WE will tell first...

Then, we discuss Azealia's catastrophic departure from Parlophone Records after being signed for only a month and releasing zero music. We play a little bit of Gay&R and plot Azealia's ideal career path.

Last but certainly not least, we talk about "mascara," "grape," "unalive," and the other silly goofy words to cover up Serious Traumatic Triggering Topics on TikTok. Divulging personal trauma online! Julia Fox! Seeking attention! Elaborate lies! It's truly salacious.

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the pod meme page on Instagram @th0tcels. Free us from the bonds of the IRS on Patreon. 

We're back-- and this time, it's pussonal...

In this double-wide spectacular, we let out a lot of extremely complicated, unique, and sexy emotions:

RAGE: We talk about the unjust cancellation of Betsey Brown's Actors screening at the Music Box Theatre, and psychoanalyze our haters.

ENNUI: If your parents raised you to love fast food is it ever possible to learn portion control?

REGRESSION: Are children's movies like PUSS IN BOOTS and its "highly realistic cat panic attack" actually designed for children? Or stunted adults?

FEELING MEOW TO THE PUSSYCAT-CUNT: Is Kim Petras making a mockery of SOPHIE's legacy by making music that kind of sounds like her?

All is revealed, and all the certifiably perfect answers are sponsored our friends at MAGIC MIND. Hit magicmind.co/topics and use the promo code TOPICS20 to get 20% off your first purchase of the OFISHAL productivity drink of this episode. 

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the pod meme page @th0tcels. Put our puss in boots on Patreon. 

**PATRONS ONLY. TRAILER FOR THE POOR!**

In our inaugural episode of the Year of the Rabbit, we get little crazy and Asian up in here! It's RICH! 

First, we have a little bit of much-needed girl time: Nick tells the story of his engaygement, and Cris recounts his trip to the Camein Guylands. Plus, we discuss Apple's behavioral issues, and not caring about the environment.

But that's not all: we give our first impressions of the "lovely ladies" of Season 15 of Drag Race (it takes longer than we intend but we really go deep.) Plus, we review the holder of the new diva crown M3GAN (Spoilers beware but it's a dumb movie lol you really should already know how it ends...) 

AND!!! We talk about Gwen Stefani's totally valid Japanese heritage and Lizzo's claim that cancel culture is cultural appropriation. I think this is a really optimistic hour and a half!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the pod meme page @th0tcels on Instagram. Take a chance you stupid ho on Patreon.

Dear Thot Topics, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'! I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone and I'm a bottom!

In our final episode of 2022 we take the crisis calls of our beloved, deeply troubled listeners. Talk about a therapy sesh! Let us in those ears mama!

We talk about getting over your fear of gay men, how to date when it seems like all gay guys are libtards, giving up on monogamy, dropping the R word in the workplace, and SO much more. Cheers to the new yearz baby!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and our perfect meme page @th0tcels. Subscribe on Patreon for even MORE Thotline action tomorrow night!!

Sowwy (〃＞＿＜;〃) We're on a little unexpected turkeylicious holiday hiatus but we'll be back in your little ears ASAP! In the meantime, we're cracking open the vault to tide you over: this is our Patreon-exclusive episode with Zach from I'm So Popular in which we rank Nicki Minaj's discography

{Batting a home run} It's giving... giving... GAAAAVEEEE!

Things get a little spicy this week and the spice in question is Sporty! From deep within the pussy part of the Venn Diagram between straight men and gay men, we talk about what separates us and what unites us. Sports! Sleep patterns! Being goofy and silly! And so much more.

In light of the midterm elections in Illinois, we also talk about which women we would show up to the polls for if they were running for President. What say the girls on Oprah? Gwyneth Paltrow? Lena Dunham? Anchors aweigh, girls.

It was a slow news week so most of the episode is dedicated to a girly little catch-up chitchat. Step into the breast buddy simulator and let's get cookin!

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, plus the official pod Twitter and Instagram. Pass us the ball, we're open on Patreon.

She jack my ant til it off... she jacks on my antonoff til i... uhhh

Alright, it's another patrons-only one this week-- not because we don't value ALL our sisters equally but we get pretty drunk during this one and name drop a lot of people we went to high school with so we've gotta put this one in jail.

We're joined in the stu' by friend of the pod MORGAN for our scathing assessment of Taylor Swift's new steaming slop pile. We reach inside and pull out the TRUTH! But baby you know that's not all-- we also talk about Billie Eilish's boyfriend, get to the bottom of the female (and gay) urge to date older guys, and put the GROOMING allegations to bed once and for all. Plus, we ask Morgan: have we ever said anything about women that would make women think we're retarded?

All this and MORE behind the paywall...

Follow the girls on Twitter @VLRTUALBOY and @YOURE2BASIC, and the official pod Insta @th0tcels. Swiftly give us four dollars on Patreon.