Thrive Singles Podcast

Yes

Let me answer the question up front and succinctly – YES. Marriage is still relevant, desirable, and a necessary pillar of civilization. If it crumbles, so does our society.

Preface

Since I am writing about marriage this week, I feel I need to preface this week’s post with these thoughts.

In Praise of Singleness

Those of you who have read this blog or listened to the podcast for any length of time know that they are created by me, a long-term single, for the edification and encouragement of people who are single. I believe that singleness is not a punishment or a burden to bear but is a valuable thing. Between being late to marry in the first place and being divorced later, I have lived over half my life as a single person. So, even though I am now remarried, I am in no way anti-singleness.

In fact, after my divorce, once I got the hang of it, my single again years became an important period of my life – a time of tremendous growth and creativity. Those years formed the foundation for this season of my life. That is why I emphasize the opportunity and the importance of being truly single while you are single. Those years can be a catalyst for turning you into the person you want to be.

As I have said before in previous posts, becoming happily single is its own reward – plus it gives you the best chance at being happily married later.

In Praise of Marriage

All that being said, this post is a post in defense of and praise of marriage.

The Decline of Marriage

Marriage is among several traditional foundations of society that have been neglected and even outright denigrated for several decades now. It first started to break down a few decades ago as our collective national morals began to decay. Now, it has fallen out of fashion with “Millennials”

and it looks as though it will fare even worse among “Centennials”.

It is also on the decline among many in my generation, the younger “Baby Boomers” and older “Xers”, especially those who have suffered the pain of divorce. Many of my peers cannot see themselves every risking that kind of betrayal and heartbreak again.

Among those who do marry, more are doing so later in life. In 2010 the Pew Research Center revealed that only 50% of people over eighteen were married. In 1960 that figure was 72%.

Why Get Married?

Yes, too many marriages end in divorce and too many marriages are unhappy. Yes, the social stigma of sex outside of marriage, living together, and even having children out of wedlock has largely vanished. And yes, marriage is no longer the revered institution it once was. So, why not chuck it altogether and just shack up? Or, why not just hook up when you need a little sexual release? Since so many people are content to just date or be friends with benefits, why get married?

I’m glad you asked.

Good for Society

Let’s look at the big picture first. Stable, monogamous marriages are good for society.  They are the best environment in which to raise children. Married women are at less risk of domestic abuse than those living with a boyfriend. Children are also at a lower risk of abuse in a stable two-parent home. Married women are less likely to be the victim of a violent crime and married men are less likely to commit a violent crime.

Plus, having a healthy, financially stable, sexually satisfied populace raising their children together as husband and wife, is good for society at large. And, studies show that is what marriage leads to.

Good Health

Happily married people live longer, healthier, happier lives than single people. Yes. It’s true. Research it. The studies are numerous, high quality, and conclusive. And, this runs the gamut, from mental and emotional health to physical health, a good marriage is good for you.

In general,

One Year of Thrive Singles Blog!

Today’s post is different from the posts I’ve written so far. This post marks the one year birthday of Thrive Singles Blog! It also makes about six months of the Thrive Singles Podcast, and about three months of episodes on the Thrive Singles Blog YouTube channel. Today I want to share a little more of my story with you, take a look back over the past year, and share my vision for the future.

My Story

Those of you here locally who were a part of Thrive Singles Ministry or my DivorceCare group know that I was married for about sixteen years, got divorced around forty years old, then lived as a midlife single for almost seven years.

What you may not know is that I was the last one in my circle of friends to get married and the only one at that time to get divorced. That being the case, I hated being single. I hated being single longer than my friends in my younger years and especially hated being single again in midlife.

So, when I came up with the tagline “Stop hating being single. Learn to thrive.” I was speaking not only as someone who had seen singles struggle but someone who personally hated being single longer than I had hoped and then being single again.

The things I write about are the things that helped me go from that person who hated being single to someone who learned to thrive as a single. Now, as I write each blog post and record each podcast episode, I sincerely hope that what I write and say is helpful to you. Because if someone like me can go from hating to thriving, so can you.

What I Believe

I believe, based on my own experience, the experiences of others I have observed, and all the books I have read, that how you think about your singleness and what you do while you are single makes a huge difference in your quality of life as a single person. It also has a huge impact on whether you will get married or not and what type of a marriage you will have if you do.

How to Thrive

Let me sum up my thoughts about how to thrive as a single person in a few short paragraphs.

Change your way of thinking about singleness

The first step is to make a conscious decision that you can and will stop hating being single and learn to be happy and content. I know that sounds overly simplistic and cliché, but it is a vital first step – get your mind right. Singleness is not a punishment to be endured. It can be an awesome time of personal growth and unique opportunities.

Change how you think about yourself

One is a whole number. You are a whole person – an individual, whole and complete. You are not half a person in search of your other half. Those of you who are Christians should especially realize that you are complete and whole in Christ. Neediness and desperation do not lead to good relationships. Good relationships form when two whole and complete individuals get together.

Become truly single

One of the biggest mistakes I see singles make is not taking time to just be single. Don’t rush to get paired up. Stop dating for a while and just be single. Become who you are. Become confident in who you are. That takes time. Don’t rush it. Learn to be happy and content without any romantic or sexual entanglement before you attempt another relationship.

Change the way you date

One of the other huge mistakes I see single people make is serial dating. If you want better results, stop doing what you have been doing. Do something different. Date differently. Don’t date – as in forming some sort of ‘marriage lite’. Date – as in spending some quality time with different types of people and having a little nonromantic, platonic fun while getting a feel for if that person might make a good spouse. And, be sure to leave everyone you go out with a little better than they were before they spent time with you.

Do It

Should You Try Online Dating?

The short answer is … it depends. In last week’s post, I gave you some food for thought and some questions to ask yourself about online dating. Here are more things to ponder. If you do decide to give it a try, there are some things you can do to make it a better and safer experience.

Some Things to Consider

Meeting people online is a lot like any other way of meeting people, but everything is exaggerated. The pool of possible matches is bigger, but the risks are also much bigger. If you do decide to give it a try, keep a few things in mind.

Understand the App or Service

Before you try an online dating service or app, get an understanding of what type of people use that app or service. Some cater more to people looking for serious relationships, but others are mostly aimed at facilitating the hookup culture. You will not find the love of your life on an app designed to help people hook up.

Do some research. Most services have a testimonial section, an about page, or some sort of mission statement. Some have a blog. Be sure to poke around their site or app for clues to what they are about. Look at online reviews. Ask your friends about services they have tried. Don’t just pick a service and jump in. Know what you are getting into.

Supplement or Substitute?

I believe dating sites are best used as a supplement to your social life, not as a substitute for having a life. Dating sites should not be your only source for dates and social interaction.

Sometimes, that which we are looking for is right under our nose, we just need to open our eyes and take a good look around. Sometimes a little online dating actually helps us see what is around us more clearly.

A Lot Like Real Life

In some ways, online dating is very similar to dating in real life. All the things that apply to finding a date in real life apply to finding a date online. You need to be honest with yourself and in your profile about who you are and what you want. You need to present yourself well, be well-spoken, and be confident. Don’t be desperate.

Caveat Emptor

Just as in real-life, beware. People are not always what they seem to be. That’s true in real life and true online. As I stated in last week’s post, you will be lied to. People will try to deceive you, probably even more so online than in person, because it is easier to do so online.

Have Realistic Expectations

Make sure your expectations are realistic. Don’t expect online dating to be a panacea. It will not solve all of your dating problems. In fact, because of the exaggerated nature of online dating, it may magnify them. So, get your mind right about dating before you attempt online dating.

Expect to find quite a few flakes, nuts, liars, and otherwise bad matches for every legitimate prospect. But, you can expect to find a few really nice people too – maybe even a few with whom you want to have a real date.

Again, as I wrote last week, don’t expect to throw together a profile, push a button, and have the love of your life appear in front of you. Just like in real life, expect to have to work at finding good matches online.

Have Clear Parameters

Before you attempt dating of any kind,

Should You Try Online Dating?

The short answer is … well … it depends. Here are a few things to consider and a few questions to ask yourself.

Most people have very strong opinions about online dating, They either love it or hate it. People on one side fully embrace it, consider it no big deal, and think of it as just a part of modern life, like email, social media, and online shopping. People on the other side think it’s stupid, it’s just for losers who can’t find a date, or it’s just too dangerous. I don’t think either of those views is absolutely correct. I believe there are times when it is appropriate to try online dating.

My Experience

First, I need to confess that my experience with online dating is limited to eHarmony. Also, I know that the online dating scene has changed a lot in the years since I remarried in 2009. At that point, Tinder didn’t yet exist and OkCupid wasn’t that well-known.

Honestly, I did not find the love of my life online. In fact, even though there was significant back and forth electronic communications and a few nice phone chats, none of that ever led to an actual, real-life, face-to-face date. That’s probably because I had to look farther and farther away from home to find the kind of people who match my weird combination of traits and interests.

But, despite one incident, which I’ll talk about later, my experience with eHarmony was mostly positive. Even though I am fairly tough to match, I did find a lot of good quality people with whom I had a lot in common.

Consider the Good and the Bad

Let me go through a few reasons why online dating can be good and a few reasons it can be bad.

The Good

There are some legitimately good reasons to give it a try.

Hard to Match

One of the big reasons I tried it was because, like I said, I am hard to match. Just the fact that I was looking for a genuine Christian, not a Christian in name only, significantly narrowed the field. If that’s you, it will narrow your options too. That automatically rules out a huge percentage of the population.

Plus, you may have other interests or personality traits that make you a tough match. Sometimes you’re just a “fish out of water” and there are not a lot of people in your immediate vicinity who enjoy a particular thing you enjoy. If that thing is really important to you, it may be a good idea to look online, because that exposes you to more potential matches with people with whom you have that common interest.

Gives You More Options

It could be that you live in an area where there just is not a large pool of dating options. You may live in a small community. As mentioned above, you may have interests that are uncommon in your area. There may not be many single people your age where you live. Using an online site or app can put you in touch with interesting, like-minded people you otherwise would never meet.

Good Practice

The best way to get good at anything is to get out and do it. If you want to learn to be more confident and interact with the opposite sex better, step out of your comfort zone and do it more.

By using an online dating site or app, you have more opportunity to interact with more people at a safer distance and build your confidence and competence. It is also a great way to learn about yourself, what you like and don’t like about different kinds of people. You get to see how you react and how you feel interacting with different personality types.

Plus, meeting online gives you the opportunity for lots of communication before you meet in person. By the time you go on an actual date, you have, hopefully, learned a lot about each other and have grown comfortable interacting with each ot...

Happily Single?

Hate being single? Can’t wait to be happily married? Now is the time to be happily single. Yes, it is possible. Here are some ways to get there.

Live Well

There is something counterintuitive about happiness. If we chase after pleasure and happiness, they usually elude us. And, even when we do find them, after a while they lose their luster and meaning.

On the other hand, if we concentrate on doing the next right thing, seek the good of others, and better ourselves mentally, spiritually, and physically, happiness finds us. And, life becomes happier and more meaningful as time goes on.

I recently ran across an interview of Rabbi Evan Moffic, the author of ‘The Happiness Prayer’. A lot of what he said resonated with me. One statement, in particular, leaped out.

“Happiness is a byproduct of a life well-lived”

-Rabbi Evan Moffic

Don’t seek happiness. Seek to live life well. Happiness Is a byproduct of that. So, to be happily single, live well.

Don’t Take Facebook at Face Value

Want to be happy? Don’t take Facebook at face value. People are not always as successful and happy as they look on Facebook. Facebook is not real life. It’s more of a highlight reel. You see a carefully curated collection of the best moments in people’s lives. It’s sort of like a well-produced trailer for a mediocre movie.

If you look at Facebook and find yourself feeling worthless or depressed, realize that the smiling people in those pictures and videos have issues too. They don’t look like that all the time. Trust me on this. Their lives are no more perfect than yours.

So, to be happily single, turn off social media for a while and go do something that is meaningful to you. Go make some memories of your own.

Develop Quality Friendships

One of the biggest markers of longevity and emotional health is how much time you spend socializing with friends. Recent studies have shown that this improves your health as much as quitting smoking. People who spend time with good friends live longer, healthier, and happier lives.

Remember, you tend to become like the people you hang out with, so pick your friends carefully. If you want to be happily single, develop friendships, real friendships, not just social media friendships, with lots of positive, happy people.

Realize Marriage Won’t Make You Happy

This is perhaps the worst fallacy that single people fall for. Getting married will not make you happy. Living together will not make you happy. No kind of relationship with any kind of significant other will make you happy. In fact, you must become happily single first, then you have a legitimate shot at being happily married.

If you are unhappy while you are single, you will be unhappy in a relationship. The truth is that the only relationship that can make you happy is being in right relationship with your Creator. No human being can make you happy.

Be True to Your Values

Another trap that too many singles fall into is believing that if they change who they are they will find love and happiness. Now, there may be things about you that you need to change to become a more attractive you. But, those changes should stem from the intrinsic motive of wanting to better yourself. They should not be made to please or impress someone else.

Changing to make yourself more acceptable to someone is a fool’s errand. It is a slippery slope with no end. You will end up perpetually changing things about yourself to satisfy the whims of some jerk.

On the other hand, standing up for what you believe and living out your morals and values will be attractive to the right kinds of people. It will make you stronger,

Regret

We all have regrets. A lot of the things we regret stem from relatively minor choices. Things like not double checking our self in the mirror before we go out, not packing extra underwear for a trip, or eating that extra dessert, could lead to regrettable consequences, but they have a low probability of destroying our lives.

Other times, the things we regret can be life-altering, like not flossing, not exercising regularly, smoking, quitting school, getting drunk, using drugs, or marrying that person everybody told us was no good for us.

Having at least a few regrets is unavoidable. Hopefully, your regrets are more like the former and less like the latter. However, that being said, I have found that there are some things in life that you will never regret. Here are a few of them.

Sexual Purity

I have never heard anyone say:

* I’m so glad I started having sex before I got married.

* Pornography has really changed my life for the better.

* Good thing I had that affair.

On the other hand, how many people do you know personally who have regrets about not maintaining their sexual purity? The world is filled with story after story of people who damaged or destroyed their marriages, ruined their reputations, or at a minimum had to make embarrassing confessions to someone in whom they were interested. Don’t let that happen to you.

I have never had anyone tell me that they regret not having sex while they were single. But, I have seen a lot of people regret doing it. Of course, a lot of people do not regret it. But, I’m assuming they have different morals and values than you and I and that you want to do the right thing.

Some people who engage in sex outside of marriage and have no religious or moral reasons to abstain still end up with regrets. Their regrets may be due to undesirable consequences rather than a guilty conscience, but they still have regrets. But, as I said, I have never known of anyone who regretted not having sex outside of marriage. You will never regret staying sexually pure. Never.

Boundaries and Guardrails

Boundaries and guardrails are slightly different, but I am lumping them together for this post. They both help protect you, but in slightly different ways.

Proper boundaries protect you from burnout, bad people who would take advantage of you, and your own weaknesses.

Well-constructed guardrails protect you from danger. They put some margin and safe distance between you and disaster.

To some people, your boundaries may seem selfish and, your guardrails may seem unnecessarily strict. Be careful of people who try to get you to modify them. They may have their own agenda and not have your best interests in mind.

Keep your boundaries and guardrails firmly in place. They will protect you. You will never regret having good boundaries and guardrails in place. Never.

Time Spent Being Single

As odd as this seems at first, as much as I dreaded becoming single again in midlife, I am so glad I spent a long time just being single. I needed it. One huge mistake I see single again and recently broke up people make is hooking up too quickly with someone in either a quick marriage or a marriage-like dating relationship.

As much as I dreaded it, I needed to be single for a while – a long while. It is good and healthy to be truly

The End

Okay. It’s over. You were on the receiving end of the ‘we need to talk/it’s not you/we can still be friends’ speech. This comes as a shock to you. They seem perfectly okay with moving on. Meanwhile, you struggle to eat, work, and even breathe. You may have even been toyed with or cheated on. What you do now, at this point, is critical. How do you move on after an unexpected breakup?

What Next?

Most people either tell themselves ‘it’s no big deal’ and deny the pain – or they wallow in the pain until they can hardly claw their way out. Neither approach is healthy. Neither leads to healing.

But, healing and getting healthy is exactly what needs to happen next. Moving on in a healthy way means facing reality, forgiving your ex, refocusing, and giving yourself some time to heal.

Reality

Now is not the time for magical thinking, denial or exaggeration. Now is the time for facing reality head on and dealing with it. Moving on in a healthy way means working your way through it. Unfortunately, in times like these, we tend to engage in things that are at best useless and at worst harmful.

Magical Thinking

One of the most common reactions to a breakup comes in the form of magical thinking. The things that led to the breakup are probably deep rooted and have been growing unseen for a long time. That is reality, but we still think there is some magical quick fix we can apply that will make everything better. If we just do this certain thing everything will go back to ‘normal’.

Deal with reality. If, and that is a big if, your relationship is salvageable, it will be a long-term project. Everything is different now. There are no quick fixes. There is no going back to the way things were. 

All My Fault

A lot of us tend toward another untruth – it’s all my fault. If only I had (fill in the blank)                       they would still want me. Or, if only I hadn’t (fill in the blank)                       we would still be together. That may or may not be the case. Don’t assume. Look at it more critically. Don’t let your default assumptions shape your thinking. It’s usually more complicated than what your default thinking allows for – especially if you tend to be harsh on yourself.

All Their Fault

On the other extreme, many people make the assumption that it’s all their ex’s fault. Some people live under the delusion that they are always right. If there was a problem, it must have been with their ex.

Because of their inability to see their own shortcomings they never grow and make the changes they need to make to have a better relationship next time around. They are probably headed for another breakup at some point which they will again see as all the other person’s fault.

The Truth

Relationships rarely come down to one specific event or failure. Usually, there is some event that brings everything to a head, but that event is not the cause of the breakup. And, usually, there is at least some shared blame. It is rarely a simple black and white matter where one is all wrong and one is all right.

Don’t spend too much time on the post-mortem. You do need to move on. But, do think it through enough to realize that it’s usually not entirely one person’s fault. So, think it through. What part of it was your fault? What part was their fault? Then, take 100% responsibility for your part. If it is only 10% your fault, own 100% of your 10%.

Forgive!

Whatever percent of the blame you assign to your ex, forgive them. Even in the unlikely event that you are perfect and it is 100% their fault, forgive them. This is essential. You will never heal or grow as a person, you will never move on and thrive until you forgive your ex.

Why are we so hesitant to forgive? There are many reasons.

Helping Ourselves by Helping Others

One of the best ways to overcome depression, be more confident, and learn to thrive is to reach out and help other people. We volunteer to help others, but in the process, we end up helping ourselves.

One of the smartest things I did when I ended up divorced, was continuing to be a part of my church’s music ministry. That gave me a place to belong and something of which I could be a part. A little later I also started helping with the singles ministry and facilitating DivorceCare. In helping others to thrive, I learned to thrive.

Hurricanes!

As I was considering what to write about this week, my first thoughts were to write something about either becoming more attractive or growing as a person. Those are two of my favorite topics and things that are essential to thriving as a single person. But, my thoughts kept getting interrupted by hurricanes. Harvey just hit Texas. Irma is now impacting Puerto Rico, could soon impact Florida, and for a while looked like it might head toward us here in along the gulf coast.

Suddenly it was obvious. This time of multiple crises is not a time to think inward. Now is a time to think outward. It is a time to team up and volunteer and do some good.

To Thrive, Do Good to Others

But, the remarkable thing is, it is a scientifically proven fact that as you do good to others, you benefit yourself as well. So, in a way, I am writing today about personal growth and being attractive. Because, it turns out that, as you help others, you help yourself – in some very tangible ways.

Better Connections

As a single person, loneliness can be one of your biggest issues. Getting involved in a volunteer effort helps you connect with people. The deep fellowship you experience as part of a team focused on a goal increases your sense of belonging and reduces your feelings of isolation.

Instead of sitting home alone, get out and help. You could end up forging deep friendships that last long-term. Getting involved brings a sense of camaraderie, belonging, and purpose that improves emotional, spiritual, and physical health.

Better Physical Health

Feeling stressed out? Depressed? Dealing with chronic pain? Helping others has been shown to reduce levels of pain, reduced stress, and reduce depression. It has also been shown to lower blood pressure. All of these things lead to being and feeling healthier.

Several of these can work together for maximum benefit. Reducing stress lowers blood pressure and reduces depression. Less depression leads to feeling less pain. Which leads to less depression – and it starts to gain momentum and snowball into a positive cycle of better health.

Better Mental Health

Going out and doing good for others also leads to a sense of accomplishment. That leads to a more positive outlook. That brings with it an increased sense of well-being and happiness.

It also makes you aware that you have reasons to be thankful. This time you were not the one needing help, you were the one giving help. You have the power to do some good.

Now, you have the power to do more good for others – and for yourself as well. This feeling of power and being in control spills over into other areas of life. You end up a more confident person than you were before.

Motivation

That’s not to say that you help others for the sole purpose of being a better you. You help others because you can and should. But, by doing so, you do reap some benefits – surprisingly good, scientifically proven benefits.

Personal Growth and Being Attractive

So, in the end, I am writing about personal growth and being attractive. Helping others in their time of need will help you grow into a better person. And, the positive attitude, positive energy,

Relationships

Do you know fellow singles who seem to go through relationships like you go through jeans or shoes? They go through a cycle. First, they get all excited about the new. Then they enjoy the comfort of the familiar. But eventually, they toss out another old worn and tattered relationship and go shopping for a new one.

Maybe you are the one with the history of unsatisfying relationships. Perhaps you have decided that relationships must inevitably wear out, grow old, wither and die. I do not believe that. I believe most people endure bad relationships and give up on finding a great relationship because they go about it in an unwise and unhealthy way.

There is a better way!

Be the Right Person

Most people believe that their relationships end badly because they didn’t find the right person. This is true – sometimes. I’ll cover that a little later. But, if you have had multiple relationships end badly, maybe it is time to look at the common denominator. That would be you.

It is important to find the right person. But, becoming the right person is perhaps even more important. In fact, it should be your first step. Become the kind of person that attracts the kind of person you are looking for.

Be Whole, Healed, and Content

First, and most importantly, be whole, be healed, and be content where you are. If you ever want to be happily married, first be happily single. Begin your next relationship from a position of inner strength and self-confidence. Work on you first.

Being self-confident gives you the freedom to interact with the people who would have intimidated you before. Being content keeps you from making the dumb relational mistakes people make when they get desperate.

Don’t Be Desperate or In a Hurry

It will take time to mold yourself into a content, self-confident person. Take all the time you need to get there. Don’t short-circuit the process by rushing into another relationship. Spend significant time being single first.  You will know you are getting close to being ready for a great relationship when you desire one but don’t feel a desperate need for one.

Be Authentic

A lot of people are so desperate for a love interest that they disguise or even compromise who they are. Part of your journey to becoming the right person is learning who you are at your core and learning to be that person no matter where you are or who you are with.

Never put on a front or compromise who you are for anybody. You cannot sustain that over the long haul. If you want a relationship that lasts, become the person you want to be, be that person for the rest of your life, and find someone attracted to that person.

Focus On Others

Learn to focus on others more than yourself. To find the right person you need to learn about people. You do that by paying attention to them. Listen to what they say and how they say it. Create a safe place for them to share their heart with you.

Learn what makes them tick, what excites them, and what they want their future to look like. All of this focusing on others is, in a way, self-serving. You do not want to get into a relationship with someone you do not know well.

Find the Right Person

Yes, once you become the right person you do need to find the right perso...

Realistic Expectations

Last week in Manage Your Expectations Part 1 I wrote about how we develop our expectations and how to counteract some of the unrealistic expectations we acquire throughout our lives.

This week in Part 2 I want to talk about realistic expectations. Some of these may sound negative, some positive, and some neutral, but such is life. You can expect a mixed bag. Don’t fall into the trap of expecting everything will be wonderful or everything will be awful. In singleness, as in all of life, there will be some of each.

Expect These

So, here are a few things you can expect.

You May Be Single Longer Than You Would Hope

That’s just reality. The truth is that you could end up being single longer than you would hope. It seems easy for some people. It seems like everything just falls into place and they meet someone and get married with minimal effort. That’s not how it worked for me and it may not be how it works for you.

You may see other people, people younger than you or single for less time than you, get married before you. You may see a few cases like that before it’s your turn. Expect it. Be prepared for it. Don’t freak out about it. If you really want to get married and you do singleness well, your turn will more than likely come around.

Guys, You Probably Won’t Marry a Supermodel

Gentlemen, I hate to burst your bubble and ruin your fantasy, but supermodels are in pretty short supply. In fact, demand outpaces supply by such a staggering amount, that you have approximately the same odds of winning the lottery and being struck by lightning as marrying a supermodel.

And besides, they tend to end up with professional athletes, actors, or other such men with chiseled good looks who make more in a week than you make all year.

So, when it comes to physical attractiveness, I’m not saying you should completely abandon your standards, just make sure your expectations are realistic.

Also, if by some miracle it works out that you do marry a supermodel, don’t expect them to perpetually look twenty-three years old. Even supermodels age. You can expect that.

Ladies, You Probably Won’t Marry Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt

Yes, they and other hunky actors do come on the market from time to time, but they tend to marry the supermodels the guys you know were expecting to marry. And, besides that, if their last two marriages ‘didn’t work out’, why should you expect it to work out with you?

Like I told the guys, that doesn’t mean that you abandon your standards completely, just make sure your expectations are realistic.

Loneliness

As a single person, even if you do all the right things, develop friendships, get out and talk to people, and the like, there will still be times when you get lonely. It is easier to deal with if you expect it. You have been warned. Don’t let it catch you by surprise one night. Have measures in place to deal with it.

And, conversely, don’t expect single life to be lonely all the time. To a large extent, it will be what you make of it.

Disappointments/Setbacks/Heartbreaks

No matter how emotionally healthy and spiritually strong you become, you can expect to run into disappointments, setbacks, and heartbreaks. They are a part of life whether you are single are married. So, as I said about loneliness, don’t let them catch you off guard. Expect them to come up from time to time and be ready to deal with them.

Moments of Weakness and Self-Doubt

Moments of weakness and self-doubt are just part of the human condition. You can expect them whether you are single or married. As I said with loneliness, disappointments, setbacks, and heartbreaks,