The Hoes are serving up some serious culture with the help of Trader Joe’s many (MANY) yogurts. From dairy alternatives to desserts in disguise, it’s a live and active assortment of gut-fortifying breakfast food. Not on the menu: Evie’s coconut trauma, Katie’s hypothetical son, Rice-A-Roni , and some very distorted Mighty Ducks references. 

In the cart:

• Organic Creamy Cashew Cultured Strawberry Yogurt Alternative
• Organic Creamy Cashew Cultured Vanilla Yogurt Alternative
• Greek Nonfat Coconut Cream Yogurt 
• Greek Style Apricot Mango Yogurt
• Greek Whole Milk Guava Passion Fruit Yogurt
• Lowfat Pre-Stirred Lemon Yogurt 

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To celebrate the season of love, we’re falling for a few of Trader Joe’s Valentine’s Day items and ghosting others. We’re also trying to woo you with one of the worst Irish accents you’ve ever heard, Homestar Runner references, and the discovery of Yonic Energy, which will be fueling all of our self-love for the rest of forever.

🛒In The Cart:

• French Macrons
• The Jelly Bean Lover’s Jelly Bean Hearts
• Heart-Shaped Box of Milk, Dark and White Chocolate Assortment
• Raspberry Hearts
• Cocoa Truffles
• Raspberry Rose White Chocolate Bar

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The Hoes are getting healthyish with Trader Joe's dehydrated helping of fruits and veggies. Crank up the sodium and crunch down on Mother Nature's refinedest because this episode is serving up some savory lewks. Also on the menu: The Beets 90s hit "Killer Tofu," Gardetto's seasoning and Evie's short-lived Girl Scout career. 

In the cart:
Trader Joe's Contemplated Peas on Earth
Just Beets
Jerk-Syle Plantain Chips
Savory Banana & Nuts
Organic Dehydrated Carrots of Many Colors
Seasoned Kale Chips

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🎶This is the story of two hoes,
Who missed a few new things at Trader Joe’s.
And while they sound so sad in episodes,
You absolutely love them when they yeet. 🎶 

Um, anyway, besides dissecting the role sad girls had on ‘90s music, we also did a little backtracking and rounded up the newish, buzz-worthy items that we missed over the past few months. Plus, we pondered why OBGYNs don’t give out goodie bags like dentists do, homonyms, and the true meaning of “yeet.” 

🛒In the cart:
-Kale Gnocchi 
-Outside-In Stuffed Gnocchi 
-Chocolate Lava Gnocchi 
-Blue Cheese Mustard 
-Buffalo Style Chicken Dip 
-Black Bean Dip 
-Cinnamon Rugelach 

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The Hoes are doing Dry January - and in typical fashion, Katie is starting it two weeks late.  But they’re not stressing because surely Trader Joe has them covered with his fine selection of nonalcoholic bevies, right? RIGHT? Get ready for juice twists no one asked for, scented marker flashbacks and the old timely tunes of Ashlee Simpson. 

In the cart:

Organic Carrot Turmeric Juice Blend
Lemon Ginger Echinacea
Hibiscus Lemongrass Naturally Flavored Sparkling Beverage 
Seltzers With A Splash: Blood Orange & Orange
Blueberry Lemonade Flavored Sparkling Water
Sparkling Clementine Flavored Juice Beverage  

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This week, we’ve got your resolution solutions. You know, if your 2020 goal is to bring your lunch to work more often. Either way, we’re sampling Trader Joe’s frozen bowls, wishing for an adult version of Gymboree, and getting the theme song of “Gullah Gullah Island” stuck in your head. Plus, Katie tries shrimp for possibly the first time ever, and Evie teaches her how to say “Bibimbap” for definitely the first time ever. 

In the cart: 

• Cuban Style Citrus Garlic Bowl 
• Sriracha Shrimp Bowl
• Bibimbap Bowl 
• Chicken Burrito Bowl 
• Riced Cauliflower Bowl 

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It’s 2020 and the Hoes are seeing double. This week, Evie and Katie invite their significant others to review new finds and favorites from their local TJ’s. Do these Trader Bros have what it takes to bring Joe’s epic product descriptions to life? Will Evie ever settle on her next indie band name? Can Katie fit through a dog door? Find out on this special new year episode! 

In the cart:

Creamy Roasted Cauliflower & Onion Dip
Columbus Italian Dry Salami
Dark Russet Potato Chips
Ghost Pepper Potato Chips
Pub Cheese with Jalapeños
Milk Chocolate S’Mashing S’Mores

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Happy New Year, Hoes! To celebrate having kept this podcast going for a full year, we're looking back at some of our favorite and most traumatic moments of the past year. From new Trader Joe's staples to one item that almost ended the show entirely, we're going over the good, the bad, and the idiotic (mostly us) from the past year of Trader Hoes.

Top 10 Items Kept In The Cart:
-Organic Elote Corn Chip Dippers
-Chili & Lime Rolled Corn Tortilla Chips (Jakis)
-Satis Dei Syrah Garnacha
-Shea Butter And Coconut Oil Hair Mask
-Everything But The Bagel Greek Style Yogurt Dip
-Spicy Avocado Hummus
-Jalapeño Sauce
-Unexpected Cheddar
-Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups 
-Mini Chicken Tikka Samosas

5 Items Destined For The Trash:
-Reposado Tequila 
-Yellow Tadka Dal
-Mini Gummy Bears On A Chocolate Pool Day
-Secco Grapefruit Pompelini 
-Turkey Club Wrap

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The Hoes are closing out their holiday series with a seasonal classic: the tin. From popcorn trios to something that may or may not be a drug on Riverdale, its a sweet-meets-savory showcase of Trader Joes’ one-and-done gifting. And just for good measure, they’re throwing in some phallic New Year’s Eve gummies, a caramel guessing game and some waffle cookies Katie can’t pronounce. 

In the cart:

• Jingle Jangle
• Stroopwafel
• Nutty Praline Trio
• English Toffee with Notes
• Taste Test of Caramels
• Champagne Gummy Candies
• Popcorn Tin

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We’re getting pretty fresh in this episode as we brush up on Trader Joe’s holiday peppermint items and learn which ones are a refreshing surprise and which err on the side of toothpaste. Plus, we’re bringing back “That’s What She Said” jokes, wondering how affairs work and really questioning if maybe Trader Joe’s is the one that needs a Patreon account. 

In the cart: 

• Peppermint Mini Hold the Cones
• Oxte The Silence Red Blend
• Candy Cane Decaffeinated Green Tea 
• Peppermint Bark 
• Mini peppermint meringues
• Candy Cane Joe Joe’s Ice Cream  
• Peppermint pretzel slims 
• Peppermint mini marshmallows 
• Dark chocolate-covered peppermint creams

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