June 03, 2024

Unlearning Silence; Elaine Lin Hering

54 minutes

Elaine Lin Hering is the author of Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully. A facilitator, author, and speaker, Elaine helps organizations and individuals develop communication, collaboration, and conflict management skills. Her global experience spans six continents, and she has facilitated executive education at prestigious institutions such as Harvard, Dartmouth, Tufts, UC Berkeley, and UCLA. Formerly the Advanced Training Director for the Harvard Mediation Program and a Lecturer on Law at Harvard Law School, Elaine has worked with diverse groups, from BHP Billiton coal miners to senior leaders at the US Department of Commerce. Her clients include American Express, Chevron, Google, Nike, Novartis, PayPal, Pixar, and the Red Cross. Her upcoming book is set for release by Penguin in 2024.[show-notes-bio]

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Contact Info

Website: www.ElaineLinHering.com

[show-notes-contact]

Most Influential Person

Sora Kim (Mindfulness Coach)

[show-notes-influence]

Effect On Emotions

I learned a very expensive lesson at Harvard Law School: Emotions are valid. I did not know this from my family of origin.

Mindfulness is the awareness of how I am feeling. What emotions are coming up? Can I give them names? Can I label them? Can I interact with them?

But any of that action first requires awareness.

[show-notes-emotions]

Thoughts On Breathing

We should breathe regularly. Yeah. And deeply. And intentionally, right, the breathing exercises I've learned from my own therapist have helped me. It's nothing novel; four counts in, four counts out. As a singer, we always talked about breathing from the diaphragm rather than the shallow breath. And that's really similar to mindfulness breathing exercises.

Again, the question to me is, why don't we do this more often, even if we know it is good for us? Even if we have experienced the positive impacts of the habit of breathing right, according to the pace around us.

And that's the opportunity for each of us to choose.

Bullying Story

As a parent, I've had conversations about whether my kindergartener is being bullied or is the bully. Bullying is all about impact, regardless of intention. Take the kid who took a pencil to my son's head; the narrative was he wanted to play but didn't know how to approach safely.

Bullying fascinates me because it's a disconnect between intention and impact. We often focus on our good intentions, saying, "That's not what I meant." But that doesn't absolve the negative impact or damage done to the recipient.

Mindfulness, to me, is aligning good intentions with awareness of their impact on others. Are you receptive to feedback, whether it’s someone saying "I'm hurt" or being silent? How do you reconcile your intentions with the actual impact? This intentionality is deeply interconnected with mindfulness.

[show-notes-breathing]

Suggested Resources

Book: Unlearning Silence: How to Speak Your Mind, Unleash Talent, and Live More Fully

Book: Micro Activism: How You Can Make a Difference in the World without a Bullhorn by Omkari L. Williams and Layla F. Saad

App: The note-taking app on my phone

[show-notes-resources]

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