Definition of prayer

a devout petition to God or an object of worship.

a spiritual communion with God or an object of worship, as in supplication, thanksgiving, adoration, or confession.

the act or practice of praying to God or an object of worship.

a formula or sequence of words used in or appointed for praying:the Lord's Prayer.

prayers, a religious observance, either public or private, consisting wholly or mainly of prayer.

that which is prayed for.

[Music]

thank you for tuning in to victoria's in

recovery

these last couple weeks i've been

praying in different ways

than i usually do and

i wanted to do an episode just

i don't know kind of

to talk about prayers a little bit to

talk about which ones have helped me and

how

the thing about prayer is that

we have to go to god in prayer

we have to go to our higher power

and

the thing about that is that

there can be no manipulation

there can be no

pretending

and

i mean

i guess you could try if you wanted to

but

the uh

the whole premise of it is

is vulnerability it's

being wide open to

an entity a creator that is

non-corruptible

you can't pretend when you're in prayer

and so prayers become

very personal they have to be to be

successful they have to be very very

personal

they have to mean something to me

or else i'm just talking you know i have

to find that personal connection

that personal definition maybe

the little change in words

to fit my

situation

take each prayer that i'm trying to do

whether it be

a 12-step prayer or just

a personal prayer

it needs to be

something that means something to me

i wanted to read something that kind of

spurred this

whole thing for me

it's out of a book that i'm reading it

says

the good thing about prayer or the

problem with prayer depending on

perspective

is that we have to go to god to do it

this means we can't get away with

anything

it means

any negative thoughts bad attitudes

hardness of heart

or selfish motives

are going to be revealed by the lord

fervent and honest prayer causes depths

of our hearts to be exposed

that can be uncomfortable

even downright miserable

and that's the simple truth of the

matter

you know i can go

to god in a very shallow way

but it's not really going to take me

anywhere

i wouldn't imagine it would be enjoyable

for god it's definitely not going to be

comfortable for me

and it's going to do me no good not only

is

the prayer basically useless it's not

going to change me

it's not going to put me

in a frame of mind that i need to be in

for changes to be made in my life

and you know prayer is meant to be

us talking to god right or at least

that's what they tell us

but it's not

a regular conversation with a regular

human being

it's not something that i can

edit you know i i can edit this podcast

i can

edit the video you know i can edit what

i say or don't say to other people

i can manipulate a situation i can turn

around a conversation to lead down the

road that i want it to lead down

but i cannot do that in prayer i must

not do that in prayer

so how do i rectify that

personally lately i've been getting on

my knees and

that's not because i think god requires

it it's not because i think

it's necessary for my prayers to be

answered it's not even comfortable for

me to do it

or easy sometimes

but what it what it does is it gets me

down to a level of humility that i need

to be to open up about the things that

matter

it puts me in that frame of mind that

helps alleviate all those problems of me

trying to manipulate me trying to

pretend

all those things just kind of melt away

when i put myself in

a physical

representation of submission

and you know that might not be necessary

for you

it hasn't always been necessary for me

but right now it is

because

the more things that come my way the

more entitled i tend to get

the more i slip into that little bit of

thinking that maybe

maybe i deserve

all the blessings

maybe i deserve

all these good things maybe i should

expect

more good things because of just how

great i've been doi

Believing in yourself is great, but are you ready for the task? 

 

[Music]

thank you for tuning in to victoria's in

recovery

it's been a pretty good week so far

i got a lot of

good response from my last podcast

and i just wanted to say thank you to

everybody that tuned in and listened

i was talking to somebody the other day

and it reminded me of so many

circumstances that i've been in

throughout this recovery of mine

i remember when i was

brand new

and you get out of jail or you get out

of treatment or whatever

and everything's coming at you really

quick and you get those

first couple of encouraging moments

and you're like i can take on the world

everybody's saying you know believe in

yourself you can do this

you got this man

you're doing so good

and it gets your confidence up which is

a good thing don't get me wrong it's a

really good thing

but what i want to talk about

is the other side of that

the part of that where

i know what i'm supposed to be doing

i'm supposed to be recovering i'm

supposed to be working on me

but i look out and i see my goals i want

to be

i want to have my children back with me

i want to

have the job and i want to have the car

and

i

want to have a nice phone and i want to

get all these things lined up

and so as soon as i get a job

i go out and i start buying things

as soon as i can afford an apartment i

get the apartment

and or i move in

wherever and i automatically want to

start thinking about

getting my kids back and getting all

these things back

and all those things are super good

goals to have so it's really hard it's

really hard because

there's that side where everybody's

saying you can do this

believe in yourself you got this

but there's a very real side that is

very much in need of recovery

and to be completely 100 honest i'm

still there

and there are a lot of things that would

be really nice to have and to do

goals to tackle amends to make etc

then i have to tell myself

no you're not ready

no you don't got this

i was told once that the right thing at

the wrong time is still the wrong thing

and that stuck with me

i think at the time i was

telling somebody about some girl i

wanted to be with or something but the

concept applies everywhere

and what made this come into

an idea that i wanted to talk about was

i was reading in matthew 25

and there's something there called the

parable of the talents

and jesus is talking about a landowner a

master

that picked three of his servants and he

gave one of them

five measures of gold and he gave

one of them two measures of gold and he

gave the third one just one measure of

gold to keep for him while he was gone

and so it tells a little bit of a story

the first guy went and invested the

money in one way and doubled the money

the second guy

did the same thing

he went out and invested the money he

doubled his money

and the third guy went out and he dug a

hole and buried the money

so some time goes on

and the master of the house comes back

and calls these three guys up and says

you know where's my money what'd you do

with that

and the first guy's like hey i

invested your money i doubled the money

here you go

and he says

good job good and faithful servant gives

him more

same with the second guy but the third

guy

that just had the one

he said well i know that

how you are with money and everything so

i was scared i just

buried it and here it is

and the guy says why didn't you do

anything with it you could have at least

put it in the bank and let it earn

interest

so he took away the one

and gave it to the guy that had the most

and that was always like a a strange

concept to me

you know i was like why and i never

understood it years and years that i've

read that story and i never really quite

understood it

until i started thinking about it in

recovery terms

in terms of getting my life back

together

and so

when i look at it like that i see a

whole nother picture

because in the story it also talks about

how each one of them was given the

amount according to h

The idea of being perfect is a trap! You'll never meet the people you need to be around by trying to be perfect so just be truly who you are.

Just a little insider look at what is usually going through my head during the making of an episode and a quick Thank You!

[Music]

i just recorded an episode i don't

really even know what i'm gonna call it

yet but it's about

being authentic

and

i just wanted to record something

because

usually i take a bunch of notes and

i'm just sitting here i i had like this

one little fleeting thought on my way to

my mom's for for mother's day and i'm

like

you know i don't have to brag to get

respect

and and the reason why i was thinking

about that is because it's something i

heard at church and

about you know just being who you are uh

broken and all you know

and so i just all this stuff started

flashing up and but i didn't really have

anything concrete to put in my notes and

so i'm like god just please speak

it's like lord just

i don't know what i'm gonna say i don't

know

how it's gonna sound i just i just want

to share it

and and that that was my prayer

i was like just to speak

i just want to share what this concept

this realization that i had or that i've

been having and i hit record you know

and by the end of it

i think i haven't even edited it yet but

i think it was what needed to happen you

know i think it's where it needed to be

and

i got a little excited which you know

excited for me is is kind of low-key i'm

like

you know i'm always really

really even-toned and everything um

so i'm praying i'm like god thank you

because i think that was awesome and

i hope i didn't take it

over the top with my self-will and

i don't know i wanted to record this

little snippet because

there's a lot of doubt that goes into

doing this a lot a lot of doubt and

i don't i don't even

know how to describe it

like i know that i'm doing something

that needs to be done i know that

that people have told me that i have

things to say that are good sometimes

and

but at the end of the day i'm like

gosh is this really does anybody really

even want to hear this

and and i know that's not true you know

the numbers prove me wrong when that but

still

you know talk about

authenticity when i don't even really

know what i'm doing

all i know is that sometimes i hit

record

and i say a few things and people

say that they really enjoyed it

and so

i catch myself praying kind of the same

prayers all the time

god i don't know what i'm going to say

but help me say something

and then at the end i'm like woo that

was good

and then i'm then i have that immediate

moment where i'm like

oh now you're getting conceited you know

you need to just

tone it down

probably gonna have to delete half of

that because you got excited and whatnot

and

there's just there's so much there i

don't even know what i'm trying to say

but

i'm really glad that i have the support

that i have from you guys and and i just

thank you

thank you for

everything for letting me be me and uh

and continuing to come back and to keep

listening

if you haven't already find me on

facebook it's victorious in recovery

or on instagram

on twitter it's victorious ir

reach out you know send me a message

if you have any ideas for an episode let

me know i'll definitely look into it

thank you again

y'all have a good one

[Music]

Feed the right things to your inner voice and your view of the world will begin to look like the promises.

[Music]

thank you guys for tuning in to

victorious in recovery

so far this week it's been

better than i expected to be honest

i had kind of come into the week

expecting

to fail basically

um

you know there's uh some new people

coming in that uh i needed to take care

of some stuff with and

and it's all new to me you know uh all

of it and so

my initial reaction to new things is

usually

what if i fail what if it doesn't work

out

and

thankfully i was able to

kind of catch myself there and not let

myself go too far into that

mindset

because i can really get myself in

trouble when i expect the worst you know

i catch myself just automatically

gearing up to

what if i fail

what if

i'm not capable of doing this what if i

look bad what if blah blah blah

endless amount of what ifs

when really if i make myself stop that

line of thinking

i can come to a place where

it's not what ifs if i can really catch

it early

i can make sure that i'm in that frame

of mind where

okay

i'll probably mess up on a couple of

things

i may not

experience this the way that i think i'm

going to or the way that i think i

should

but at the end of the day

by stepping back from that i can i can

get some peace knowing that worst case

scenario yeah

maybe i fail worst case scenario it

doesn't quite go off the way i thought

and the situation is probably going to

be fixable

there's nothing really that i can do

that's going to be detrimental to

anybody's future

so i can sit back and relax a little bit

and be like you know what it's okay i

don't have to know everything right now

matter of fact the day doesn't even have

to go the way that i think it's gonna go

it can just happen

and i can take what i know and do the

best i can with it

and it's gonna be okay

and that's how it turned out you know i

took the information that i have the

resources that i have and i did my best

with them

and it all worked out so far

but

my

ability to

distort reality with

my perception or my expectations goes

well beyond that

unfortunately and i think that's the

case with all of us really

and so i have to be watchful

and uh this week hasn't been a real bad

week for that i've been able to stay in

the right mindsets and everything

but there's this

this new church that i'm going to

and it has all the right things

it has community it has a group of

people that are just absolutely

dedicated to what they do

and to helping people like us

and so really in the grand scheme of

things there's no reason

why i should dread going there's no

reason why i should

not like it

but i'm so pre-programmed to want to

have that excitement of that that show

that gets put on at church a lot of

times you know with the lights and the

music and

just that that excitement in the air and

that's just not the type of place that

this is

and so going into it the first week i

was like oh okay this is different and

then the second week

i was like huh

okay

we're going again

gotta do this and now we're going on the

fourth time that i've been there

and there was this moment where i caught

myself

and i'm like no let's step back

just a little bit let me try to perceive

this in a healthier way

what's really going on here

and i was able to do that for the first

time and i really enjoyed the service

i really enjoyed the time that i spent

there the people that i interacted with

i enjoyed all of it

but what really changed

the place didn't change the people that

were there didn't change the music

didn't change

nothing the only thing that changed

about that was how i decided to view the

situation how i decided to perceive my

environment and i know that i've talked

about perception and all this stuff

before but this is kind of a an

important subject so important

that

my everyday life 100

depends on

how i decide to perceive it

there are so many things that can happen

on any given day

and the possibilities of me

taking those things

an

It's NOT about abstinence from drugs and alcohol, It's about a NEW LIFE.

[Music]

thank you guys for tuning in to

victorious and recovery

well it's been a

hectic couple of days

here at the new job i'm

filling in for

my counterpart here that's on vacation

and um

it's stressful it's always stressful

taking over something that

you know nothing about

kind of being put in the fire is

i mean it can be exciting it's it's

different that's for sure

some of you might have noticed

that i changed my

graphic for the podcast

and there's some forethought to that

and i wanted to address a little bit of

that today

so far

up until now

the podcast has been

loosely about my beliefs and mostly

about my journey and recovery

but

the longer i go

the more i realize how closely tied they

are

so much so that i can't

separate the two

anymore

because to talk about my success

is to talk about my beliefs to talk

about my

victory in recovery

is to talk about my god

because without that

none of this even matters to me

a recovered life from drugs and alcohol

means

nothing to me without my purpose

in christ

without my

journey towards a life in ministry

i can just no longer separate the two

and continue to move forward

so i'm choosing a more

direct approach

to talking about my life in recovery

i've mentioned it before but

the whole reason why

the name victorious came about was

because some family of mine

was telling me that

in the bible when

somebody's life took a turn and became

something else

usually god would give them a new name

so for me that became victorious

not just symbolically it just became who

i am there was a moment where

i was defeated

and i had the choice to

roll over and just die

to give up

or i could move forward

in victory and in a new life

a new creation

so i'd like to be clear

that i am a new creation in christ

that's the whole

that's the whole point of it

yes there are many pathways to quitting

drugs and alcohol

but my path to this victory is through

christ

because i'm not just recovering from

drugs and alcohol

i'm recovering from the past

i'm recovering from a life that i don't

want to be in anymore

i'm recovering from my experiences with

the law

i'm recovering from great personal loss

i'm recovering from a mindset that

wanted to kill me

today i was watching a show

and it's this australian show

and

there's this plot going on where these

people are coming back to life and

one of these girls that came back alive

was going to confront her

murderer

because they when they came back they

didn't have a memory

all she knew was the evidence she was

given

by some police guy

and it turns out that the guy she goes

and confronts that has already served

this long

like 20-year sentence

didn't actually do the crime

he just gave up

he was accused of it and nobody believed

him and he said you know what fine

i'll serve the sentence and there's this

moment in there where

he said nobody believed me

your parents didn't believe me not even

my parents believed me

and after a few years i started to doubt

myself i started to believe in myself

and i knew exactly what he was talking

about

because there there's been accusations

there's been plenty of accusations

of things that i have done and i've been

convicted of them and i've served my

time

but there has been other accusations of

things that i didn't do

and i know what it feels like

to just say you know what fine

fine it doesn't matter i'll serve the

time

because at some point

you just

just give in

and that's

that's

so much bigger

than what i've had to recover from drugs

and alcohol

i've had to recover from giving up

i'm still recovering from

laying down and not fighting the fight

that's been a much bigger struggle

than anything else

serving a sentence for a crime i didn't

do

and i'm talking about a sentence inside

not talking about the courts

i'm talking about just accepting

what other people wanted to say

and just saying you know what i'm done

with this fight

i can't take it anymore

i'm out

just do what

Transcript

[Music]

thank you for tuning in to victorious

and recovery this week i've had a lot of

experiences

just new ones

in

my new job and

with new people and it's been good

anytime that i find myself having to

adjust to a new

circumstance a new

type of life basically

new rules and

new people

it propels me into

a new stage of learning

it presents new problems it presents new

stresses

and

with those come

new teaching

new learning

one thing that has been great about

living on my own again

is that

there's not that impending feeling that

somebody's gonna walk in

so i found myself

praying and seeking god deeper

than before and i'm not sure why exactly

that makes a difference but i've noticed

that that's the case

there's something

really simple there's something freeing

about knowing that

when i'm talking to god when i'm

studying when i'm praying

when i'm meditating that i don't have to

worry about

oh is somebody trying to talk to me oh

is

this gonna get interrupted somehow

so i've had i've had depth lately that i

haven't had in a while and it's been

nice

in the last couple of episodes i've been

talking about a few books that i'm

reading mostly the drop the rock book

but in reading that

i see a lot of

concepts that i know came from

the bible

so i started

diving in a little bit to

the biblical

terms of that i wanted to share some of

that with you guys

because my my ultimate goal is to

not just recover

from drugs

from alcohol from

all the other addictions

it's to

find a way to live life that is

fulfilling

find a way to live life where i'm

not constantly having to make amends not

constantly

fearing for the worst

trying to put all these words and

knowledge into practice

thankfully i know now that putting these

things into practice it's never going to

get me too perfect

but it just might get me to proficiency

i might just be proficient

maybe even good at doing the things that

i've learned

so it's progress

and diligence rather than

perfection

and

the scripture that describes where i

want to be or

what i'm talking about

the best for me is in matthew 7.

starting in verse 24 it says therefore

everyone who hears these words of mine

and puts them into practice

it's like a wise man who built his house

on the rock

the rain came down the streams rose

the winds blew and beat against the

house

yet it did not fall

because it had its foundation on the

rock

but everyone who hears these words of

mine and does not put them into practice

is like a foolish man

who built his house on the sand

the rain came down the streams rose

and the winds blew and beat against that

house and it fell with a great crash

and i like that it

talks about both sides of the story

there

it talks about

what happens when we gather all this

information

all this

knowledge and and wisdom that we've

learned and we put it into practice as

best as we can

that is the foundation that's that solid

rock foundation

that allows us to withstand the hard

times

but there's that big

cautionary note at the end

what if i hear these words what if i

take in this knowledge

and choose

not to use it

that's a purposeful act of disobedience

and

that's way worse than being ignorant

right you can be ignorant for a while

and

it's gonna be okay god's grace will most

likely cover you because you just simply

don't know any better

and we've all been there too

and in a way it's kind of nice being

ignorant sometimes you're like oh well

you know i just didn't know

but now that we've put all this work

into our step work and we're

hanging out with the right people that

are teaching us the right things and now

we know better

and i strongly believe that when we go

back out

into the world after being in

these programs

and we know better and that's why

it gets

way worse way quicker

because we're no longer in ignorance

now at that point i'm actively

choosing to go against what i know is

right

and if i know

without a doubt what god's will is for a

situation

i must do that i need to do that next

right thing t

Whats the meaning for pause?

 

a temporary stop

 

Definition of pause(Entry 1 of 2) 1 : a temporary stop. 2a : a break in a verse. b : a brief suspension of the voice to indicate the limits and relations of sentences and their parts. 3 : temporary inaction especially as caused by uncertainty : hesitation.

 

[Music]

thank you for tuning in to victorious

and recovery

well the week has been going better

i finally got not just moved in but

settled in emotionally to

the new place and

i think uh

it had a lot to do with that um my last

episode i was

mentioning how hard of a time i was

having

and

you know sometimes i i guess it just

takes a minute

to get used to places new places and new

people

and for me personally getting used to

having to interact with a new set of

people is is an adjustment

so

in preparation this week i've been

reading a book

to help me start working the sixth and

seventh step once i

finish with the fifth step with my

sponsor

and it's an a book called drop the rock

it's got a lot of

good stuff in it so far i think it's a

it's a much needed thing because

in the other books it doesn't

doesn't give a lot of guidance

for

step six and seven

at least not that i found very useful

and

this book breaks a few things down for

me which i really like and

i wanted to read a little bit from that

book and give you my take on it

on the

third page

the first paragraph says regardless of

what little i know about being different

i must first ask am i willing to believe

that i can be made different

it is important to remember

that step 6 doesn't say became entirely

ready to make myself different

it says we're entirely ready to have god

remove all these defects of character

god not me

makes me different by giving me what it

takes

to change

it is my job

to act

and behave like the change has occurred

in doing this the process of change

happens

and it frequently involves emotional

pain

the pain of living the way i have been

becomes greater than the fear of change

and there's there's a lot there

but the part that i really like is where

it says it is my job to act and behave

like the change has occurred

and that to me sounds a lot like the

fake it till you make it slogan

and that one always set

weird with me because you know i don't

want to be fake right

i don't want to feel like an imposter i

don't want to feel like i'm

trying to be something that i'm not

but at the same time

if i'm being really honest i want to be

something that i'm not

and so i've always battled with that you

know at what point

is it

me trying to do better and at what point

is it me trying to appear to be better

than i really am

but there is one or a couple things that

i've noticed

in this battle for trying to get better

is that at some point there was a

realization

i don't know if somebody said something

or if i heard something but

it came about nonetheless that

just because my first thought

isn't always right doesn't mean i have

to act on it

and i think that's what this is talking

about here

you know i might have an initial

reaction to something

to my surroundings or to something

somebody said or

to just an abrasive

type of situation

my reaction might be impatient or it

might be cruel

my reaction might just be you know me

being rude to somebody

whatever the thought or initial feeling

is that happens inside me

doesn't have to come out though

and that's been like a best practice for

me

to take that little sliver of a moment

between thought and action between

feeling and action

and recognize that the opportunity to

pause

and say wait what do i know

i should be doing and

you know because there's a lot of times

where somebody

is asking a lot of questions or somebody

is

approaching me at a moment that's just

not a good time to approach me basically

and at that point i have i have the

options

bunch of different options one of which

is common for me to be impatient and

rude and dismiss the person

but i find that that sometimes i'm able

to take that l

Its ok to talk about not being ok no matter where you are at in life.

[Music]

thank you guys for tuning in to

victorious and recovery

so over the last few days i've

gotten pretty much

all the way moved into my new apartment

and i've had some time to

just kind of get acclimated a little bit

you know and everything

is going good so far

really

but somehow my stress level

has

gotten

a little weird

i'm not sure if it's the move or

the expectation or

just

thinking about the future too much i'm

i'm not sure what to make of

how i've been feeling

to be honest

i feel peace about where i'm at

about

the decision to be here

i love the people

i love having my own space again so

there's there's just been this thing and

some of my friends have been like oh no

that's just what's going on with

everybody but

i can't put a lot of stock into that you

know um

when when i feel something is off i i

have to examine it

internally i have to

at least

feel like i tried to narrow it down to

something you know

that in itself is stressful

so

let me tell you how it's felt

i'm excited to be in a new place

i

have all the things i need

i got to have my son

this weekend and

as far as i can tell he enjoyed his time

here too

i've been a little worried about my

finances i've been a little

distracted with that but other than that

like on the surface

everything is

just looked really good really bright

so

to say that it's

a little surprising a little frustrating

to

feel

not at ease right now is an

understatement

and i i think that may be

a big cause of

of just why i'm frustrated because i

don't get it

and you think by now i would because

this happens to me

often

so

like am i really surprised no

no i'm definitely not surprised

what i am is having a harder time

talking about it than i used to

and and that's kind of

what i wanted to talk about today

because

i know

that days aren't always going to be easy

i know that there's going to be days

that i don't feel good and i'm just not

going to know why

it's just going to kind of come and go

and

things will get better or

they'll just

fade away

whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen

and i'm i'm gonna survive

i'm gonna do just fine

but talking about it while it's

happening which i know helps me

gets harder and harder

and it's not that people discourage it

it's not that i think i'm above it

there's just this

expectation

that nobody else sets on me but me

right

at some point during this process of of

recovery i reach these little milestones

where for some reason my mind wants to

tell me that i need to be better than i

am

at that moment

so that that creates this blockage

because any time that i

set myself apart

from the normal everyday joe i

isolate

any time i feel like i'm

different

special in some way because of

the podcast or because of

a new position at work or

because i

happen to be the guy that has the most

time in a meeting

anytime that thought comes to mind

there's this automatic blockage

that says i have to be better than i am

and and i can

know

that that's not the case all day long

and it it doesn't always help though

i still have to

make myself remember

that there's never gonna be a day where

where i don't

that i don't have the responsibility to

share

there's never gonna be a day that i

don't need to open up

there's just not a time or a place where

i can afford to set myself apart

so much that i stop sharing that i stop

being real

and i i don't think that that's what's

happening right now you know i don't

think that that's what's causing my

frustration right now but it is

it is something i felt

when i started thinking about doing the

podcast i'm like

what am i gonna share

i've been so up in my head that i

haven't

taken any notes for the last few days

i haven't really been able to soak

anything in that i've studied

it took everything i possibly had to

make it through today

without losing my patience without

having some sort of

outburst

and i felt it lingering inside me all

day

there was something that just wan

There a place we often get stuck, its the place between where we were and where we want to be.