Victorious In Recovery

Victorious In Recovery

By David ReffnerHealth & FitnessMental HealthReligion & SpiritualityChristianityEducationSelf-Improvement
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Victorious In Recovery episodes

  • Prayers
    Definition of prayer
    a devout petition to God or an object of worship.
    a spiritual communion with God or an object of worship, as in supplication, thanksgiving, adoration, or confession.
    the act or practice of praying to God or an object of worship.
    a formula or sequence of words used in or appointed for praying:the Lord's Prayer.
    prayers, a religious observance, either public or private, consisting wholly or mainly of prayer.
    that which is prayed for.
    [Music]
    thank you for tuning in to victoria's in
    recovery
    these last couple weeks i've been
    praying in different ways
    than i usually do and
    i wanted to do an episode just
    i don't know kind of
    to talk about prayers a little bit to
    talk about which ones have helped me and
    how
    the thing about prayer is that
    we have to go to god in prayer
    we have to go to our higher power
    and
    the thing about that is that
    there can be no manipulation
    there can be no
    pretending
    and
    i mean
    i guess you could try if you wanted to
    but
    the uh
    the whole premise of it is
    is vulnerability it's
    being wide open to
    an entity a creator that is
    non-corruptible
    you can't pretend when you're in prayer
    and so prayers become
    very personal they have to be to be
    successful they have to be very very
    personal
    they have to mean something to me
    or else i'm just talking you know i have
    to find that personal connection
    that personal definition maybe
    the little change in words
    to fit my
    situation
    take each prayer that i'm trying to do
    whether it be
    a 12-step prayer or just
    a personal prayer
    it needs to be
    something that means something to me
    i wanted to read something that kind of
    spurred this
    whole thing for me
    it's out of a book that i'm reading it
    says
    the good thing about prayer or the
    problem with prayer depending on
    perspective
    is that we have to go to god to do it
    this means we can't get away with
    anything
    it means
    any negative thoughts bad attitudes
    hardness of heart
    or selfish motives
    are going to be revealed by the lord
    fervent and honest prayer causes depths
    of our hearts to be exposed
    that can be uncomfortable
    even downright miserable
    and that's the simple truth of the
    matter
    you know i can go
    to god in a very shallow way
    but it's not really going to take me
    anywhere
    i wouldn't imagine it would be enjoyable
    for god it's definitely not going to be
    comfortable for me
    and it's going to do me no good not only
    is
    the prayer basically useless it's not
    going to change me
    it's not going to put me
    in a frame of mind that i need to be in
    for changes to be made in my life
    and you know prayer is meant to be
    us talking to god right or at least
    that's what they tell us
    but it's not
    a regular conversation with a regular
    human being
    it's not something that i can
    edit you know i i can edit this podcast
    i can
    edit the video you know i can edit what
    i say or don't say to other people
    i can manipulate a situation i can turn
    around a conversation to lead down the
    road that i want it to lead down
    but i cannot do that in prayer i must
    not do that in prayer
    so how do i rectify that
    personally lately i've been getting on
    my knees and
    that's not because i think god requires
    it it's not because i think
    it's necessary for my prayers to be
    answered it's not even comfortable for
    me to do it
    or easy sometimes
    but what it what it does is it gets me
    down to a level of humility that i need
    to be to open up about the things that
    matter
    it puts me in that frame of mind that
    helps alleviate all those problems of me
    trying to manipulate me trying to
    pretend
    all those things just kind of melt away
    when i put myself in
    a physical
    representation of submission
    and you know that might not be necessary
    for you
    it hasn't always been necessary for me
    but right now it is
    because
    the more things that come my way the
    more entitled i tend to get
    the more i slip into that little bit of
    thinking that maybe
    maybe i deserve
    all the blessings
    maybe i deserve
    all these good things maybe i should
    expect
    more good things because of just how
    great i've been doi
    24 min
  • Believe in yourself?
    Believing in yourself is great, but are you ready for the task? 
     
    [Music]
    thank you for tuning in to victoria's in
    recovery
    it's been a pretty good week so far
    i got a lot of
    good response from my last podcast
    and i just wanted to say thank you to
    everybody that tuned in and listened
    i was talking to somebody the other day
    and it reminded me of so many
    circumstances that i've been in
    throughout this recovery of mine
    i remember when i was
    brand new
    and you get out of jail or you get out
    of treatment or whatever
    and everything's coming at you really
    quick and you get those
    first couple of encouraging moments
    and you're like i can take on the world
    everybody's saying you know believe in
    yourself you can do this
    you got this man
    you're doing so good
    and it gets your confidence up which is
    a good thing don't get me wrong it's a
    really good thing
    but what i want to talk about
    is the other side of that
    the part of that where
    i know what i'm supposed to be doing
    i'm supposed to be recovering i'm
    supposed to be working on me
    but i look out and i see my goals i want
    to be
    i want to have my children back with me
    i want to
    have the job and i want to have the car
    and
    i
    want to have a nice phone and i want to
    get all these things lined up
    and so as soon as i get a job
    i go out and i start buying things
    as soon as i can afford an apartment i
    get the apartment
    and or i move in
    wherever and i automatically want to
    start thinking about
    getting my kids back and getting all
    these things back
    and all those things are super good
    goals to have so it's really hard it's
    really hard because
    there's that side where everybody's
    saying you can do this
    believe in yourself you got this
    but there's a very real side that is
    very much in need of recovery
    and to be completely 100 honest i'm
    still there
    and there are a lot of things that would
    be really nice to have and to do
    goals to tackle amends to make etc
    then i have to tell myself
    no you're not ready
    no you don't got this
    i was told once that the right thing at
    the wrong time is still the wrong thing
    and that stuck with me
    i think at the time i was
    telling somebody about some girl i
    wanted to be with or something but the
    concept applies everywhere
    and what made this come into
    an idea that i wanted to talk about was
    i was reading in matthew 25
    and there's something there called the
    parable of the talents
    and jesus is talking about a landowner a
    master
    that picked three of his servants and he
    gave one of them
    five measures of gold and he gave
    one of them two measures of gold and he
    gave the third one just one measure of
    gold to keep for him while he was gone
    and so it tells a little bit of a story
    the first guy went and invested the
    money in one way and doubled the money
    the second guy
    did the same thing
    he went out and invested the money he
    doubled his money
    and the third guy went out and he dug a
    hole and buried the money
    so some time goes on
    and the master of the house comes back
    and calls these three guys up and says
    you know where's my money what'd you do
    with that
    and the first guy's like hey i
    invested your money i doubled the money
    here you go
    and he says
    good job good and faithful servant gives
    him more
    same with the second guy but the third
    guy
    that just had the one
    he said well i know that
    how you are with money and everything so
    i was scared i just
    buried it and here it is
    and the guy says why didn't you do
    anything with it you could have at least
    put it in the bank and let it earn
    interest
    so he took away the one
    and gave it to the guy that had the most
    and that was always like a a strange
    concept to me
    you know i was like why and i never
    understood it years and years that i've
    read that story and i never really quite
    understood it
    until i started thinking about it in
    recovery terms
    in terms of getting my life back
    together
    and so
    when i look at it like that i see a
    whole nother picture
    because in the story it also talks about
    how each one of them was given the
    amount according to h
    15 min
  • Be Truly You
    The idea of being perfect is a trap! You'll never meet the people you need to be around by trying to be perfect so just be truly who you are.
    16 min
  • I just wanted to say THANK YOU!
    Just a little insider look at what is usually going through my head during the making of an episode and a quick Thank You!
    [Music]
    i just recorded an episode i don't
    really even know what i'm gonna call it
    yet but it's about
    being authentic
    and
    i just wanted to record something
    because
    usually i take a bunch of notes and
    i'm just sitting here i i had like this
    one little fleeting thought on my way to
    my mom's for for mother's day and i'm
    like
    you know i don't have to brag to get
    respect
    and and the reason why i was thinking
    about that is because it's something i
    heard at church and
    about you know just being who you are uh
    broken and all you know
    and so i just all this stuff started
    flashing up and but i didn't really have
    anything concrete to put in my notes and
    so i'm like god just please speak
    it's like lord just
    i don't know what i'm gonna say i don't
    know
    how it's gonna sound i just i just want
    to share it
    and and that that was my prayer
    i was like just to speak
    i just want to share what this concept
    this realization that i had or that i've
    been having and i hit record you know
    and by the end of it
    i think i haven't even edited it yet but
    i think it was what needed to happen you
    know i think it's where it needed to be
    and
    i got a little excited which you know
    excited for me is is kind of low-key i'm
    like
    you know i'm always really
    really even-toned and everything um
    so i'm praying i'm like god thank you
    because i think that was awesome and
    i hope i didn't take it
    over the top with my self-will and
    i don't know i wanted to record this
    little snippet because
    there's a lot of doubt that goes into
    doing this a lot a lot of doubt and
    i don't i don't even
    know how to describe it
    like i know that i'm doing something
    that needs to be done i know that
    that people have told me that i have
    things to say that are good sometimes
    and
    but at the end of the day i'm like
    gosh is this really does anybody really
    even want to hear this
    and and i know that's not true you know
    the numbers prove me wrong when that but
    still
    you know talk about
    authenticity when i don't even really
    know what i'm doing
    all i know is that sometimes i hit
    record
    and i say a few things and people
    say that they really enjoyed it
    and so
    i catch myself praying kind of the same
    prayers all the time
    god i don't know what i'm going to say
    but help me say something
    and then at the end i'm like woo that
    was good
    and then i'm then i have that immediate
    moment where i'm like
    oh now you're getting conceited you know
    you need to just
    tone it down
    probably gonna have to delete half of
    that because you got excited and whatnot
    and
    there's just there's so much there i
    don't even know what i'm trying to say
    but
    i'm really glad that i have the support
    that i have from you guys and and i just
    thank you
    thank you for
    everything for letting me be me and uh
    and continuing to come back and to keep
    listening
    if you haven't already find me on
    facebook it's victorious in recovery
    or on instagram
    on twitter it's victorious ir
    reach out you know send me a message
    if you have any ideas for an episode let
    me know i'll definitely look into it
    thank you again
    y'all have a good one
    [Music]
    5 min
  • Training My Inner Voice
    Feed the right things to your inner voice and your view of the world will begin to look like the promises.
    [Music]
    thank you guys for tuning in to
    victorious in recovery
    so far this week it's been
    better than i expected to be honest
    i had kind of come into the week
    expecting
    to fail basically
    um
    you know there's uh some new people
    coming in that uh i needed to take care
    of some stuff with and
    and it's all new to me you know uh all
    of it and so
    my initial reaction to new things is
    usually
    what if i fail what if it doesn't work
    out
    and
    thankfully i was able to
    kind of catch myself there and not let
    myself go too far into that
    mindset
    because i can really get myself in
    trouble when i expect the worst you know
    i catch myself just automatically
    gearing up to
    what if i fail
    what if
    i'm not capable of doing this what if i
    look bad what if blah blah blah
    endless amount of what ifs
    when really if i make myself stop that
    line of thinking
    i can come to a place where
    it's not what ifs if i can really catch
    it early
    i can make sure that i'm in that frame
    of mind where
    okay
    i'll probably mess up on a couple of
    things
    i may not
    experience this the way that i think i'm
    going to or the way that i think i
    should
    but at the end of the day
    by stepping back from that i can i can
    get some peace knowing that worst case
    scenario yeah
    maybe i fail worst case scenario it
    doesn't quite go off the way i thought
    and the situation is probably going to
    be fixable
    there's nothing really that i can do
    that's going to be detrimental to
    anybody's future
    so i can sit back and relax a little bit
    and be like you know what it's okay i
    don't have to know everything right now
    matter of fact the day doesn't even have
    to go the way that i think it's gonna go
    it can just happen
    and i can take what i know and do the
    best i can with it
    and it's gonna be okay
    and that's how it turned out you know i
    took the information that i have the
    resources that i have and i did my best
    with them
    and it all worked out so far
    but
    my
    ability to
    distort reality with
    my perception or my expectations goes
    well beyond that
    unfortunately and i think that's the
    case with all of us really
    and so i have to be watchful
    and uh this week hasn't been a real bad
    week for that i've been able to stay in
    the right mindsets and everything
    but there's this
    this new church that i'm going to
    and it has all the right things
    it has community it has a group of
    people that are just absolutely
    dedicated to what they do
    and to helping people like us
    and so really in the grand scheme of
    things there's no reason
    why i should dread going there's no
    reason why i should
    not like it
    but i'm so pre-programmed to want to
    have that excitement of that that show
    that gets put on at church a lot of
    times you know with the lights and the
    music and
    just that that excitement in the air and
    that's just not the type of place that
    this is
    and so going into it the first week i
    was like oh okay this is different and
    then the second week
    i was like huh
    okay
    we're going again
    gotta do this and now we're going on the
    fourth time that i've been there
    and there was this moment where i caught
    myself
    and i'm like no let's step back
    just a little bit let me try to perceive
    this in a healthier way
    what's really going on here
    and i was able to do that for the first
    time and i really enjoyed the service
    i really enjoyed the time that i spent
    there the people that i interacted with
    i enjoyed all of it
    but what really changed
    the place didn't change the people that
    were there didn't change the music
    didn't change
    nothing the only thing that changed
    about that was how i decided to view the
    situation how i decided to perceive my
    environment and i know that i've talked
    about perception and all this stuff
    before but this is kind of a an
    important subject so important
    that
    my everyday life 100
    depends on
    how i decide to perceive it
    there are so many things that can happen
    on any given day
    and the possibilities of me
    taking those things
    an
    18 min
  • *BONUS* It’s NOT about that
    It's NOT about abstinence from drugs and alcohol, It's about a NEW LIFE.
    [Music]
    thank you guys for tuning in to
    victorious and recovery
    well it's been a
    hectic couple of days
    here at the new job i'm
    filling in for
    my counterpart here that's on vacation
    and um
    it's stressful it's always stressful
    taking over something that
    you know nothing about
    kind of being put in the fire is
    i mean it can be exciting it's it's
    different that's for sure
    some of you might have noticed
    that i changed my
    graphic for the podcast
    and there's some forethought to that
    and i wanted to address a little bit of
    that today
    so far
    up until now
    the podcast has been
    loosely about my beliefs and mostly
    about my journey and recovery
    but
    the longer i go
    the more i realize how closely tied they
    are
    so much so that i can't
    separate the two
    anymore
    because to talk about my success
    is to talk about my beliefs to talk
    about my
    victory in recovery
    is to talk about my god
    because without that
    none of this even matters to me
    a recovered life from drugs and alcohol
    means
    nothing to me without my purpose
    in christ
    without my
    journey towards a life in ministry
    i can just no longer separate the two
    and continue to move forward
    so i'm choosing a more
    direct approach
    to talking about my life in recovery
    i've mentioned it before but
    the whole reason why
    the name victorious came about was
    because some family of mine
    was telling me that
    in the bible when
    somebody's life took a turn and became
    something else
    usually god would give them a new name
    so for me that became victorious
    not just symbolically it just became who
    i am there was a moment where
    i was defeated
    and i had the choice to
    roll over and just die
    to give up
    or i could move forward
    in victory and in a new life
    a new creation
    so i'd like to be clear
    that i am a new creation in christ
    that's the whole
    that's the whole point of it
    yes there are many pathways to quitting
    drugs and alcohol
    but my path to this victory is through
    christ
    because i'm not just recovering from
    drugs and alcohol
    i'm recovering from the past
    i'm recovering from a life that i don't
    want to be in anymore
    i'm recovering from my experiences with
    the law
    i'm recovering from great personal loss
    i'm recovering from a mindset that
    wanted to kill me
    today i was watching a show
    and it's this australian show
    and
    there's this plot going on where these
    people are coming back to life and
    one of these girls that came back alive
    was going to confront her
    murderer
    because they when they came back they
    didn't have a memory
    all she knew was the evidence she was
    given
    by some police guy
    and it turns out that the guy she goes
    and confronts that has already served
    this long
    like 20-year sentence
    didn't actually do the crime
    he just gave up
    he was accused of it and nobody believed
    him and he said you know what fine
    i'll serve the sentence and there's this
    moment in there where
    he said nobody believed me
    your parents didn't believe me not even
    my parents believed me
    and after a few years i started to doubt
    myself i started to believe in myself
    and i knew exactly what he was talking
    about
    because there there's been accusations
    there's been plenty of accusations
    of things that i have done and i've been
    convicted of them and i've served my
    time
    but there has been other accusations of
    things that i didn't do
    and i know what it feels like
    to just say you know what fine
    fine it doesn't matter i'll serve the
    time
    because at some point
    you just
    just give in
    and that's
    that's
    so much bigger
    than what i've had to recover from drugs
    and alcohol
    i've had to recover from giving up
    i'm still recovering from
    laying down and not fighting the fight
    that's been a much bigger struggle
    than anything else
    serving a sentence for a crime i didn't
    do
    and i'm talking about a sentence inside
    not talking about the courts
    i'm talking about just accepting
    what other people wanted to say
    and just saying you know what i'm done
    with this fight
    i can't take it anymore
    i'm out
    just do what
    9 min
  • Keep Seeking
    Transcript
    [Music]
    thank you for tuning in to victorious
    and recovery this week i've had a lot of
    experiences
    just new ones
    in
    my new job and
    with new people and it's been good
    anytime that i find myself having to
    adjust to a new
    circumstance a new
    type of life basically
    new rules and
    new people
    it propels me into
    a new stage of learning
    it presents new problems it presents new
    stresses
    and
    with those come
    new teaching
    new learning
    one thing that has been great about
    living on my own again
    is that
    there's not that impending feeling that
    somebody's gonna walk in
    so i found myself
    praying and seeking god deeper
    than before and i'm not sure why exactly
    that makes a difference but i've noticed
    that that's the case
    there's something
    really simple there's something freeing
    about knowing that
    when i'm talking to god when i'm
    studying when i'm praying
    when i'm meditating that i don't have to
    worry about
    oh is somebody trying to talk to me oh
    is
    this gonna get interrupted somehow
    so i've had i've had depth lately that i
    haven't had in a while and it's been
    nice
    in the last couple of episodes i've been
    talking about a few books that i'm
    reading mostly the drop the rock book
    but in reading that
    i see a lot of
    concepts that i know came from
    the bible
    so i started
    diving in a little bit to
    the biblical
    terms of that i wanted to share some of
    that with you guys
    because my my ultimate goal is to
    not just recover
    from drugs
    from alcohol from
    all the other addictions
    it's to
    find a way to live life that is
    fulfilling
    find a way to live life where i'm
    not constantly having to make amends not
    constantly
    fearing for the worst
    trying to put all these words and
    knowledge into practice
    thankfully i know now that putting these
    things into practice it's never going to
    get me too perfect
    but it just might get me to proficiency
    i might just be proficient
    maybe even good at doing the things that
    i've learned
    so it's progress
    and diligence rather than
    perfection
    and
    the scripture that describes where i
    want to be or
    what i'm talking about
    the best for me is in matthew 7.
    starting in verse 24 it says therefore
    everyone who hears these words of mine
    and puts them into practice
    it's like a wise man who built his house
    on the rock
    the rain came down the streams rose
    the winds blew and beat against the
    house
    yet it did not fall
    because it had its foundation on the
    rock
    but everyone who hears these words of
    mine and does not put them into practice
    is like a foolish man
    who built his house on the sand
    the rain came down the streams rose
    and the winds blew and beat against that
    house and it fell with a great crash
    and i like that it
    talks about both sides of the story
    there
    it talks about
    what happens when we gather all this
    information
    all this
    knowledge and and wisdom that we've
    learned and we put it into practice as
    best as we can
    that is the foundation that's that solid
    rock foundation
    that allows us to withstand the hard
    times
    but there's that big
    cautionary note at the end
    what if i hear these words what if i
    take in this knowledge
    and choose
    not to use it
    that's a purposeful act of disobedience
    and
    that's way worse than being ignorant
    right you can be ignorant for a while
    and
    it's gonna be okay god's grace will most
    likely cover you because you just simply
    don't know any better
    and we've all been there too
    and in a way it's kind of nice being
    ignorant sometimes you're like oh well
    you know i just didn't know
    but now that we've put all this work
    into our step work and we're
    hanging out with the right people that
    are teaching us the right things and now
    we know better
    and i strongly believe that when we go
    back out
    into the world after being in
    these programs
    and we know better and that's why
    it gets
    way worse way quicker
    because we're no longer in ignorance
    now at that point i'm actively
    choosing to go against what i know is
    right
    and if i know
    without a doubt what god's will is for a
    situation
    i must do that i need to do that next
    right thing t
    19 min
  • Pause The Show
    Whats the meaning for pause?
     
    a temporary stop
     
    Definition of pause(Entry 1 of 2) 1 : a temporary stop. 2a : a break in a verse. b : a brief suspension of the voice to indicate the limits and relations of sentences and their parts. 3 : temporary inaction especially as caused by uncertainty : hesitation.
     
    [Music]
    thank you for tuning in to victorious
    and recovery
    well the week has been going better
    i finally got not just moved in but
    settled in emotionally to
    the new place and
    i think uh
    it had a lot to do with that um my last
    episode i was
    mentioning how hard of a time i was
    having
    and
    you know sometimes i i guess it just
    takes a minute
    to get used to places new places and new
    people
    and for me personally getting used to
    having to interact with a new set of
    people is is an adjustment
    so
    in preparation this week i've been
    reading a book
    to help me start working the sixth and
    seventh step once i
    finish with the fifth step with my
    sponsor
    and it's an a book called drop the rock
    it's got a lot of
    good stuff in it so far i think it's a
    it's a much needed thing because
    in the other books it doesn't
    doesn't give a lot of guidance
    for
    step six and seven
    at least not that i found very useful
    and
    this book breaks a few things down for
    me which i really like and
    i wanted to read a little bit from that
    book and give you my take on it
    on the
    third page
    the first paragraph says regardless of
    what little i know about being different
    i must first ask am i willing to believe
    that i can be made different
    it is important to remember
    that step 6 doesn't say became entirely
    ready to make myself different
    it says we're entirely ready to have god
    remove all these defects of character
    god not me
    makes me different by giving me what it
    takes
    to change
    it is my job
    to act
    and behave like the change has occurred
    in doing this the process of change
    happens
    and it frequently involves emotional
    pain
    the pain of living the way i have been
    becomes greater than the fear of change
    and there's there's a lot there
    but the part that i really like is where
    it says it is my job to act and behave
    like the change has occurred
    and that to me sounds a lot like the
    fake it till you make it slogan
    and that one always set
    weird with me because you know i don't
    want to be fake right
    i don't want to feel like an imposter i
    don't want to feel like i'm
    trying to be something that i'm not
    but at the same time
    if i'm being really honest i want to be
    something that i'm not
    and so i've always battled with that you
    know at what point
    is it
    me trying to do better and at what point
    is it me trying to appear to be better
    than i really am
    but there is one or a couple things that
    i've noticed
    in this battle for trying to get better
    is that at some point there was a
    realization
    i don't know if somebody said something
    or if i heard something but
    it came about nonetheless that
    just because my first thought
    isn't always right doesn't mean i have
    to act on it
    and i think that's what this is talking
    about here
    you know i might have an initial
    reaction to something
    to my surroundings or to something
    somebody said or
    to just an abrasive
    type of situation
    my reaction might be impatient or it
    might be cruel
    my reaction might just be you know me
    being rude to somebody
    whatever the thought or initial feeling
    is that happens inside me
    doesn't have to come out though
    and that's been like a best practice for
    me
    to take that little sliver of a moment
    between thought and action between
    feeling and action
    and recognize that the opportunity to
    pause
    and say wait what do i know
    i should be doing and
    you know because there's a lot of times
    where somebody
    is asking a lot of questions or somebody
    is
    approaching me at a moment that's just
    not a good time to approach me basically
    and at that point i have i have the
    options
    bunch of different options one of which
    is common for me to be impatient and
    rude and dismiss the person
    but i find that that sometimes i'm able
    to take that l
    15 min
  • Set Apart
    Its ok to talk about not being ok no matter where you are at in life.
    [Music]
    thank you guys for tuning in to
    victorious and recovery
    so over the last few days i've
    gotten pretty much
    all the way moved into my new apartment
    and i've had some time to
    just kind of get acclimated a little bit
    you know and everything
    is going good so far
    really
    but somehow my stress level
    has
    gotten
    a little weird
    i'm not sure if it's the move or
    the expectation or
    just
    thinking about the future too much i'm
    i'm not sure what to make of
    how i've been feeling
    to be honest
    i feel peace about where i'm at
    about
    the decision to be here
    i love the people
    i love having my own space again so
    there's there's just been this thing and
    some of my friends have been like oh no
    that's just what's going on with
    everybody but
    i can't put a lot of stock into that you
    know um
    when when i feel something is off i i
    have to examine it
    internally i have to
    at least
    feel like i tried to narrow it down to
    something you know
    that in itself is stressful
    so
    let me tell you how it's felt
    i'm excited to be in a new place
    i
    have all the things i need
    i got to have my son
    this weekend and
    as far as i can tell he enjoyed his time
    here too
    i've been a little worried about my
    finances i've been a little
    distracted with that but other than that
    like on the surface
    everything is
    just looked really good really bright
    so
    to say that it's
    a little surprising a little frustrating
    to
    feel
    not at ease right now is an
    understatement
    and i i think that may be
    a big cause of
    of just why i'm frustrated because i
    don't get it
    and you think by now i would because
    this happens to me
    often
    so
    like am i really surprised no
    no i'm definitely not surprised
    what i am is having a harder time
    talking about it than i used to
    and and that's kind of
    what i wanted to talk about today
    because
    i know
    that days aren't always going to be easy
    i know that there's going to be days
    that i don't feel good and i'm just not
    going to know why
    it's just going to kind of come and go
    and
    things will get better or
    they'll just
    fade away
    whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen
    and i'm i'm gonna survive
    i'm gonna do just fine
    but talking about it while it's
    happening which i know helps me
    gets harder and harder
    and it's not that people discourage it
    it's not that i think i'm above it
    there's just this
    expectation
    that nobody else sets on me but me
    right
    at some point during this process of of
    recovery i reach these little milestones
    where for some reason my mind wants to
    tell me that i need to be better than i
    am
    at that moment
    so that that creates this blockage
    because any time that i
    set myself apart
    from the normal everyday joe i
    isolate
    any time i feel like i'm
    different
    special in some way because of
    the podcast or because of
    a new position at work or
    because i
    happen to be the guy that has the most
    time in a meeting
    anytime that thought comes to mind
    there's this automatic blockage
    that says i have to be better than i am
    and and i can
    know
    that that's not the case all day long
    and it it doesn't always help though
    i still have to
    make myself remember
    that there's never gonna be a day where
    where i don't
    that i don't have the responsibility to
    share
    there's never gonna be a day that i
    don't need to open up
    there's just not a time or a place where
    i can afford to set myself apart
    so much that i stop sharing that i stop
    being real
    and i i don't think that that's what's
    happening right now you know i don't
    think that that's what's causing my
    frustration right now but it is
    it is something i felt
    when i started thinking about doing the
    podcast i'm like
    what am i gonna share
    i've been so up in my head that i
    haven't
    taken any notes for the last few days
    i haven't really been able to soak
    anything in that i've studied
    it took everything i possibly had to
    make it through today
    without losing my patience without
    having some sort of
    outburst
    and i felt it lingering inside me all
    day
    there was something that just wan
    14 min

About Victorious In Recovery

From the publisher's feed

How does one become Victorious in Recovery? That’s the journey we are on together as I reflect on my personal recovery from the disease of addiction. In each episode I pull together insight on topics…