Kayla Lords hosts the third episode of Loving BDSM. This week’s topic: what does a good Dominant look like? And no, we’re not talking physical features.
Instead of focusing on the bad Doms, this episode celebrates the good ones out there. They don’t have all the same traits and everyone wants and needs something a little different, but if your Dominant possesses even a few of these traits, you’ve probably got yourself a good one.
From this episode:

* Stalk John Brownstone online at southernsirsplace.com
* The warnings about the bad Dominants are important but we should also celebrate the good Dominants
* Kayla doesn’t like the term “true” Dominant
* “Good” has nothing to do with looks, gender, sexuality, race, or any other physical characteristic.
* Some traits include patience, thoughtfulness, stability, and focus – among others.


As always, if you have a question you want answered on the podcast or a topic suggestion, you can always contact me or John Brownstone. We’ll answer you directly but we’ll also maintain your anonymity when we discuss it on the show.
 
Full Transcript:
You’re listening to the Loving BDSM podcast: episode 3. Today we’re talking about what a good Dominant looks like. Hey, everybody. Kayla Lords here. (John Brownstone has promised to make an appearance soon, and I’m holding him to it! Just not today.) Welcome to the Loving BDSM podcast. If this is your first time listening, then thanks for coming. The Loving BDSM podcast is produced every Friday for your kinky pleasure and education and show notes are found at kaylalords.com. Come back often and feel free to add the podcast to your favorite RSS feed or iTunes (once we’re approved). You can also follow me on Twitter @KaylaLords or stalk John Brownstone at southernsirsplace.com. All links are in the show notes. Now, let’s get into the show.
So today we’re talking about what makes a good Dominant.
Anyone who talks about BDSM and D/s spends a lot of time talking about the posers, wannabes, and fake Dominants. John Brownstone and myself included. Part of it is out of necessity. Every single day I come across someone who dropped every bit of common sense in the name of submission – these people need to hear and read the warnings about shitty wannabes who think that throwing out an order and smacking an ass equal Dominance.
Part of it, though, is because it’s just easier to talk about. The bad ones do very common things – lie, cheat, become violent, ignore consent. You name it. They were assholes before they discovered BDSM. Now they’re just assholes with a title and too many eager and willing victims.
What we don’t talk a lot about is what makes a good Dominant. What does one look like? It’s a harder picture to paint simply because we all want and need something a little different.
But I like a challenge. And sometimes I get tired of scaring people (no matter how needed it may be). Instead, I’d rather celebrate the good Dominants of the world. Everyone is a work in progress and your results might vary, but I believe regardless of gender, sexuality, race, looks, height, weight, whatever a good Dominant will have some if not all of these characteristics.
Oh, and for the record, I don’t like the term “true” Dominant unless I’m comparing the real thing to the abusive asshole who uses Fetlife as a hunting ground. Good Dominants, though, are very real. Bad Dominants either have their own issues to work on or just need more education. The mark of a bad Dominant who can become a good Dominant is their willingness to...