February 08, 2023

When Our Kids Have Different Relationships with Our Parenting Partners

39 minutes

Do you feel like the odd parent out in your house? Or do your kids want only you to do everything with them all the time? A listener in our Facebook group asked:

"Is there an episode about one parent having a very different relationship with a child than the other parent? My 12yo and I seem to have a pretty functional (not perfect) relationship, but he and my hubs seem to end up arguing constantly. Thought at first it was a phase, but if it is, it’s a LOOOOONG one. Would love some perspective on this!"

Margaret and Amy discuss:

How preferential treatment plays out in younger vs. older kids

Why kids save their worst behavior for their primary caregiver

Which one of them is conflict-averse and who's conflict-attracted (one guess which is which)

Preferring one parent over the other can be developmentally appropriate, but there are times when ganging up on one parent can become too much and needs some course correction.

Links!

Our episode "When Kids Prefer the Other Parent Over You (Or You Over Them)"

Ryan C. Martin for McSweeney's: "GOOD PARENTS CAPITALIZE ON THEIR INDIVIDUAL STRENGTHS. MY WIFE’S IS SEEING TO OUR KIDS’ EVERY NEED, AND MINE IS ROUGHHOUSING"

Marni Feuerman for VeryWell Family: "How to Cope With Parenting Differences"

Mariah Maddox for Motherly: "If your kids act differently with you than dad, you’re not imagining it"

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By Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson

4.8

973973 ratings