This week we are talking about depersonalization, derealization, otherwise known as dissociation. We will also discuss DID or dissociative identity disorder, how we can build our sense of self, if we can love therapy too much, and why we can feel awkward after disclosing our self injury. Finally, we will talk about whether or not we can be so damaged that no amount of therapy can help us.

Ask Kati Anything ep.239 | Your mental health podcast, with Kati Morton, LMFT

Audience questions:

1. I struggle with persistent depersonalisation and derealisation. I tried a lot of things over the years (therapy, different mindfulness practices, temperature play, full body shakes, yoga, meditation, being aware of my body etc.) and nothing is working. I know it gets worse when I am overwhelmed or tired or hungry, but it’s nearly happening 24/7 even if I am happy and relaxed and on holidays for example. It doesn’t make sense to me. Sometimes it gets really bad, I think when I also start panicking. Then I feel like I can’t see properly and feel so far gone, that it feels super scary. I know dissociation is not scary and it’s my body’s way to protect me, but when it is so severe, it feels absolutely horrible. Do you have any tips for me? 01:14

2. I am a survivor of CSA and have CPTSD. I don’t think I have DID however, why do I have different “voices” that come out at different times in ways I cannot control? My friends say I have 2 different “voices” one is higher pitched and small, and the other is deeper and more grown-up. Some things can for sure trigger it like feeling afraid or ashamed but it doesn’t always trigger it. Sometimes I am... 17:26

3. How to build a sense of self when no sense (or only a weak sense) of self has ever existed. In this scenario there is no "rebuilding" of the self, because it never existed as a whole in the past. There's nothing to be rebuilt because it hasn't been built yet. Is there any relevant research that looks at outcomes for individuals who developed a sense of self for the very first time in adulthood... 21:57

4. I love therapy. I know it’s supposed to be difficult and a lot of people are “scared” to work on themselves in therapy but I absolutely love it. My therapist told me I am very analytical and symptom focused, I constantly analyze every small behavior about myself and I can’t seem to stop. I constantly need to make sense of everything. I also love the attention that she gives me and I love that she cares about me. I wish I could see her all day every day. Is it normal to love therapy this much? 25:41

5. I just recently told a friend about my self-harming and now I feel really awkward. I wanted to know, why do I feel so embarrassed when near this friend now? 30:59

6. I hope this makes sense to you. It is something I've been wondering about. Is it possible to be so severely damaged by your past that no matter how much therapy you got that you never really heal? Because after all the therapy I got I still have so many trigger points. Is it because I've been traumatized over and over? Is it because of all sorts of abuse over and over? Am I not supposed to get over it by now? 33:30

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