In this episode, we dig into how most men never got a proper "sex talk"— just rules about staying pure and anatomical basics, without any guidance on how to handle feelings, desires, and attraction in a healthy way. Jolman shares how men can learn to appreciate beauty (whether it's a sunset or steak) without spiraling into shame or lust, and explains the important difference between arousal and desire.

Jolman pushes back against the fear-based messages many people got from purity culture. Instead of seeing all sexual feelings as dangerous, he suggests we can be "lovers" in a broader sense—people who know how to enjoy life's pleasures, from good food to meaningful relationships. We talk about what this means for single folks, people healing from sexual trauma, and anyone trying to move past shame toward a healthier view of sexuality. It's a refreshingly honest conversation that acknowledges both the physical side of sex (the "mechanics") and the deeper emotional and spiritual aspects (the "poetics").

Get the full show notes and links here. 📄

Episode Resources and Links

• Episode 18 with Dr. Camden Morgante
• Get a 2025 All Access Pass
• The Sex Talk You Never Got by Sam Jolman   Amazon | Bookshop

Bio

Sam Jolman (MA LPC) is a trauma therapist with over twenty years of experience specializing in men’s issues and sexual trauma recovery. Being a therapist has given him a front row seat to hear hundreds of men and women share their stories. His writing flows out of this unique opportunity to help people know and heal their stories, and find greater sexual wholeness and aliveness. He received his master’s in counseling from Reformed Theological Seminary and was further trained in Narrative Focused Trauma Care through the Allender Center at The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology. Sam lives in Colorado with his wife and three sons. Together, they enjoy exploring the best camping spots in Colorado in a pop-up camper. Sam goes to therapy, loves fly fishing and can often be found trying to catch his breath on the floor of his local CrossFit gym.

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Broken to Beloved is a 501(c)3 nonprofit that works to provide those wounded by spiritual abuse and religious trauma with practical resources moving toward healing and wholeness, and to provide pastors and church leaders with resources to grow in trauma awareness and implement safeguarding practices. Get more information or give a tax-free donation here.
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