Tired of getting nowhere by beating yourself up for every little imperfection?

Do you wish you had someone who knew exactly what you needed and when you needed it?

Well, you do. It’s you. You CAN comfort yourself and be stronger because of it.

Marni welcomes Dr. Kristin Neff  to the Den to discuss the beauty of self compassion, what it is and what it isn’t, and how your self esteem can be boosted by it so that you can get off the emotional roller coaster of dating. Dr. Neff is an Associate Professor of Human Development and Culture at the University of Texas at Austin.

 Her findings can help you to be a resilient dater, to achieve all the things you want in life, and to be an awesome partner for your high quality man.

 What is Self Compassion?  [2:08]

Normally, we give compassion to others but not inward towards ourselves.  If someone is suffering we feel the urge to help in some way. You are aware they are suffering, you respond with kindness and you offer support. In the case of self compassion you follow the same strategy but apply it to yourself.

 Self compassion, is not self-pity.

If you have a tendency to be harsh or to unjustly judge yourself you can cause unnecessary anxiety and a fear of failure. When you practice self compassion you are not afraid of failure and when you do fail you are more likely to pick yourself up and try again.

 Self-compassion is not self-care.

 You Have a Built-In Caregiving System [8:07]

Supportive Touch can be putting your hands on your heart, holding your own hand or giving yourself a hug. A gentle touch can make us feel safe and we can do it for ourselves. You can release oxytocin and opiates to help yourself relax.

 When something hurtful happens we can get lost in the story of what's happening. When we practice self compassion techniques we can step outside of ourselves and recognize that we need kindness and support.

 Be a good friend to yourself.

 Accepting Ourselves for Who We Are [17:25]

For most people, their sense of self-worth is based on achieving success. As a result, our sense of self-worth goes up and down because we have “good” and “bad” days. Practicing self compassion can keep us more stable and it steps in when self-esteem  deserts us.

It's not about being good, it's just about being a human being worthy of love and respect. When we realize that everyone struggles we can be a loving, connected presence.

Approach things from a place of fullness instead of a place of lacking.

Resilience [27:20]

Self-compassion is one of the most powerful sources of strength and resilience we have. Rigid things can break, if you are flexible you can bounce back. If you support yourself in difficult times it will be easier for you to get through things.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!

Make a Connection:

Dating with Dignity Website

Relationship Coaching with Marni

How to Find a Quality Guy Without Going on 200 Dates - FREE

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@MarniBattista on Twitter

#DatingDen on Twitter 

Dr. Kristin Neff @ Self Compassion.org

Center For Mindful Compassion