Benjamin Heldfond grew up in San Francisco where he lived through a high conflict divorce. He internalized the breakup as a signal that he was bad. The experience was like Miracle Grow for his growing drinking and heroin addiction which eventually led to a flatline overdose that saw him clinically dead. But even that didn’t lead to his sobriety.

Ben eventually entered treatment, found help and 6 years into his recovery, moved to Florida with the woman he would eventually marry. The move carried a great deal of resentment towards his wife which manifested in Ben living as a dry drunk without any accountability for his actions. This led to turmoil in the relationship. The two had a son together and divorced bitterly shortly after.

Only after reflection did Ben see that left unchecked he threatened to repeat the same painful pattern he’d lived as a child. The realization moved him to call his therapist and sponsor. 

Ben eventually co-authored the book, “Our Happy Divorce”, with his Ex-Wife Nikki DeBartolo, which told the story of how their journey through divorce eventually brought them closer together.

Episode Resources

• Our Happy Divorce | amazon.com/Our-Happy-Divorce

Connect with Benjamin Heldfond

Connect with The Courage to Change

Lionrock Resources