Have you ever had with the belief that you were only as good as your results at work? Perhaps, if this is the case, you can identify with your work so much that if you aren’t crushing it, you believe you’re nothing.

Of course, thinking about this rationally, we all can eventually come to recognize that we are more than our work. But on an emotional level, we can become so identified with our work that we forget who we are.

So, here comes the big word: enmeshment. Enmeshment is an experience that many of us have interpersonally where we are so identified with a relationship that we can forget who we are. This often happens with parent and child where the parent basically says, “If you are my child and part of this family, you must be this or do that.” 

And this exact dynamic can show up at work.

I am so grateful to my colleague and new friend, Dr. Jana Koretz, a psychologist in Cambridge, MA, who has written extensively about enmeshment as it pertains to work. Janna is licensed psychologist who, like me, serves high-achieving individuals who may come to over identify with their work. Her article in the Harvard Business Review caught my eye, and I knew I had to interview her! When you listen in, you will hear why.

It turns out that over-identifying with our role at work can have very toxic effects. Janna talks about these and ways to navigate our own internal trappings that cause this and how we can continue to excel without suffering the toxic effects of enmeshment.

Janna’s article in Harvard Business Review: https://hbr.org/2019/12/what-happens-when-your-career-becomes-your-whole-identity