SuperPsyched with Dr. Adam Dorsay

When I think of my favorite couple therapy experts, Dr. Stan Tatkin (https://www.thepactinstitute.com/therapy-with-stan) is one of the first names that comes to mind. I’ve read several of his books. I’ve attended several of his trainings. And this will be the third time I’m hosting him on SuperPsyched.

Stan’s work has changed my life and has been instrumental to the field of psychotherapy. And his expertise spans various areas of how we love including the neurobiology of love and relationships. As you might imagine, there’s a lot of terrain to cover! So, on this episode, I thought we’d talk about love hacks and a bit about attachment styles. Whether or not you’re not familiar with attachment styles, I’m confident you’ll come to have a better understanding of them and that this episode will delight you and be very useful.So, without further do, a hearty welcome back to one of my all-time faves!

Experiencing panic really sucks. It can occur without warning even when there’s no actual threat in sight. Physical and psychological symptoms run the gamut: racing heart, shortness of breath, sweating, nausea, thoughts of losing control…

… and even fear of dying.I had a panic attack of my own years ago and thought I was having a heart attack. Fortunately, cardiological causes were ruled out. It was panic. And, yeah, while I was relieved, it left me feeling vulnerable to having another. 

Why does panic happen? And what can we do about it?

Fortunately, I know just the guy to give us the info we need. Dr. Charles Schaeffer (https://www.drchuckschaeffr.com/) is a clinical psychologist in private practice in New York, an adjunct professor at NYU, and among his many other accomplishments, he’s the author of a book I loved called When Panic Happens: Short-Circuit Anxiety and Fear in the Moment Using Neuroscience and Polyvagal Theory. I’m not alone in my admiration of Chuck and his book; several thought leaders have shared their praise for this excellent contribution to the field of psychotherapy. If you or anyone you know suffers from this common condition, this episode and Chuck’s book are highly recommended!So, listen in as Chuck unpacks what we need to know about panic.

Have you ever needed to have a conversation but felt terrified to carry it out?

I'm sure that like all of us, you have. The sad thing is that few of us ever learned how to have difficult conversations.

Fear not—help is here! Two people who are experts at dealing with difficult conversations are the guests on this very episode. They are no strangers to this topic, nor are they strangers to SuperPsyched! They are none other than the powerful duo of Drs. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. Many years ago, they wrote the classic book Getting the Love You Want. I give this book out frequently to people at my practice and it yields great results. And Harville has been on the Oprah Winfrey show several times, the first of which became the episode that led Oprah to her first Emmy Award!

You will hear in this interview how these two masters of couple therapy have applied their tool called Safe Conversations to any type of potentially dangerous conversation: at the workplace, at home, or with friends talking about political differences that might get heated! I like thinking of Safe Conversations as being personal protective equipment to handle potentially combustible topics! Their new book is called How to Talk with Anyone about Anything: The Practice of Safe Conversations. I loved the book and was blown away by how applicable their technology for having Safe Conversations can be to any relationship.

So, listen in and learn how Harville and Helen can help you talk to anyone about anything.

There’s an ancient story of multiple blind men touching an elephant on different parts of its body. And each man emphatically states what the elephant is based on the body part. The guy touching the leg says the elephant is a tree trunk. The guy touching the ear says it’s a huge pancake. The guy at the tail says it’s a rope, and so on…

Like the elephant parable demonstrates, finding reliable, truthful information can be—to put it mildly—a huge challenge. Oftentimes, we’ll hear a story from one source and another source will contradict it. It can feel overwhelming to figure out what’s what.

A person who may be able to help us is Dr. Alex Edmans (https://alexedmans.com/), Professor of Finance at London Business School and author of a book I loved called May Contain Lies: How Stories, Statistics, and Studies Exploit Our Biases―And What We Can Do about It. The book received praise from scientific journals, the media, and thought leaders like Dr. Kim Milkman, a well-known professor at Wharton, who said it was “required reading.”Alex shares how we can think like scientists. He has strategies to help us find our way through the mire of contradicting data, find our way out of our own biases and cognitive distortions, and find our way into more accurate information. 

So, listen in as Alex helps us figure out what we can do to see that elephant more accurately. 

These days, we hear on 24-hour news channels that the United States is more fractured than ever. We’ve got red, we’ve got blue, and never shall the two see eye to eye.

Yet, in reality, we are more alike than we are led to believe. Think about it: is there anyone in your life who you love but who has different ideas as they relate to religion, politics, or any other divisive issue? I can think of many people, and I imagine you can too.

Further, Pew Research suggests that our opinions come from our parents as over 80% of us have ideals that are very close to those of our parents. I am confident there are ways we can find common ground as people whose parents think differently!

For this timely episode, I’m welcoming back UC Santa Barbara professor of psychology, Dr. Tania Israel. I first had her on the podcast four years ago when she had written her acclaimed book on speaking to people outside our bubbles and now for her new book, Facing the Fracture: How to Navigate the Challenges of Living in a Divided Nation. Tania shares ways we can connect with people from our shared humanity despite our differences, and she dispels myths that we are so different as we’re being led to believe.

So, listen in as Tania talks with us about facing the fracture and connecting with people who we’ve been led to believe are so different from ourselves.

Source: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/05/10/most-us-parents-pass-along-their-religion-and-politics-to-their-children/

Funny fact: until the 90s, research psychologists did not really study happiness. According to University of Pennsylvania professor, Dr. Martin Seligman, they avoided it because it was so difficult to define or quantify. And, get this, he said that for every 100 studies on depression, there may have been 1 on happiness.

In short, we were good at reducing depression but not so good at finding happiness.

That was until the early 2000s when the rigorous study of what makes us happy called Positive Psychology emerged. I have studied Positive Psychology intensely and you regularly hear me talk about it, because it is endlessly fascinating and helpful.

A few months ago, I attended a training called Happier Hour: Life Hacks for Well-being (https://happierhour.com/ ) given by my guest, Dr. Robin Engelman, where we learned how to engage daily habits to increase our happiness. She is also a psychologist in private practice in the Bay area and a fellow positive psychology practitioner, so I knew we’d have a lively conversation. I loved every second of it, and you will too! Robin has worked in a wide variety of settings, including many years at a maximum-security prison as well as with movie stars on the Oprah Channel. 

So, listen in as Robin and I geek out to the research on happiness and how you can have a happier hour!

Dating is a topic that shows up frequently in my office—and understandably so. The process can feel fraught with awkwardness, vulnerability, joy, disappointment, and so many other traits that, at times, it can seem overwhelming to the dater.

And dating is such an important skill because our love lives tend to be one of the most crucial areas of our entire lives. Yet, despite its importance, there are no classes taught in school on how to do this well. We’re kind of expected to “just know” what to do!Thankfully, there are folks out there like dating expert Sabrina Zohar (https://www.sabrinazohar.com/) to help people through the challenging mazes of dating. Sabrina offers a whole package of help for people in the dating world, whether it’s her podcast, coaching, or other services. Throughout our interview, I found her to be highly intelligent, wise, energetic, and incredibly fun!

So, listen in as Sabrina walks us through dating pitfalls and solutions.

I have some very exciting news: the book I have been working on for the last 20 months is finally available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other outlets!

It took me years to figure out the subject of the book that I had to write. When I did, it took ahold of me and didn’t let go until I was finished. The subject became clear to me after providing approximately 20,000 hours of psychotherapy, 200 podcast interviews, and reading dozens of books. In all these experiences, there was a common theme: they all talked about the importance of connection.

The only problem was, I hadn’t heard connection defined in the four ways we can experience it which, as I see it, includes connection to ourselves, others, the world, and to something greater.

The book is called Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love. I am so grateful that it has received supportive blurbs from scores of my favorite thought leaders like Lori Gottlieb, Daniel Pink, Guy Kawasaki, Mel Robbins, and many others. 

So, I thought I would do something different for this episode. One of the best interviewers I have ever known is Bronwyn Saglimbeni. Bronwyn is renowned for her abilities to help people with communication, serving as the top coach for the TEDx event at Stanford University where she coached people like Dr. Phil Zimbardo and dozens of other successful speakers. Bronwyn hosted me on her podcast called 20 Minutes with Bronwyn several times and got me into the podcast world and she even coached me for both of my TEDx talks. And as you will hear, she has just the right energy to bring out mine! So, a hearty thanks to Bronwyn for joining me as she interviews me and lets me be the guest on my own podcast! 

I’ve heard it said that the quality of our questions determines the quality of our lives. I agree with this idea. I mean, think about it: how many times in your life have you learned something super important just by asking? Children understand this but, sadly, as we age and become more self-conscious of asking questions, we tend to lose this skill.

But with a little effort, we can retrain ourselves to engage in asking questions. Dr. Jeff Wetzler (https://transcendeducation.org/) cares deeply about people leaning into this ability and has written a book I loved called Ask: Tap Into the Hidden Wisdom of People Around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs In Leadership and Life. I am hardly alone in my love for this book. Harvard Business School professor and SuperPsyched guest, Dr. Amy Edmondson said, “…learning how to ask others what they truly think, know, and feel has never been more important.” 

I couldn’t agree more!

So, listen in as Jeff shares how to rebuild our abilities to ask, a crucial life skill we may have lost along the way.

Women contribute enormously to the workplace all over the world. Yet, all too often, their contributions are seen as less important than those of their male colleagues.

And while things may have improved over the years, statistics suggest that women still earn only 84% of what their male counterparts earn.

Clearly, we aren’t where we need to be and this is a topic that needs airtime, awareness, and changes.

I was so happy to speak with Valerie Alexander (www.speakhappiness) about women at work. Valerie has done many things professionally, but I’ll keep it short: she earned a law degree from the UC Berkeley School of Law, she’s written screenplays that have been purchased by large studios, and she’s the author of two books including How Women Can Succeed in the Workplace. I loved the book, and I was so happy to speak with her and share her ideas with you.So, listen in as Valerie and I talk about women at work!