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Matthew Fray's new book "This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships" is directed primarily toward a male audience, and asserts most marriages end with a whimper, not a bang. Matthew helps us understand how good people like him "can be terrible husbands" by unknowingly causing harm to their wives. Did you know most divorces are initiated by women? Matthew explains relationships don't tend to end from a single betrayal, but after years of a slow but persistent erosion in trust over seemingly minor marital disputes. Having first-hand experience with a wife who left him when their son was a toddler, Matthew turned to blogging as his outlet for expressing his extreme pain and frustration, initially victimizing himself as a good guy who didn't deserve to lose his family just because he's not perfect. But after hearing from thousands of men and women - particularly after his viral article "She divorced me because I left dishes by the sink" - Matthew experienced a transformation by taking full responsibility for hurting his wife time and time again, having seldom taken seriously her complaints along the way. Matthew says part of the problem is that no one ever taught him how to be a better husband, and he doesn't hold that opinion as an excuse, but as a conviction that men can learn to do better and not end up with wives who'll leave them, as his did. Matthew has been coaching couples for several years before writing his book.

Postpartum is an extremely vulnerable time for mothers and a delicate time for relationships. We hope this episode will shed light on how husbands can best support their wives and avoid the pitfalls of resentment and relationship breakdown over time.  We read Matthew's book and invited him on the show because we believe he understands how to bridge the gap between well-meaning husbands and the wives they unwittingly end up hurting or disappointing.

Matthew - and we - recognize the obvious fact that these conversations don't apply to all men, nor do all relationships follow the heterosexual normative. Nevertheless, we believe this discussion, through all its generalizations, are eye-opening and beneficial for either partner in any relationship.

Send this one to your partner or a friend. We believe they'll thank you for it.

Matthew is the author of

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