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235. The 5 Reasons You Aren’t Having Sex & Why Desire Doesn’t Even Matter
Struggling with mismatched desire or a dry spell that won’t end? You’re not broken, and neither is your relationship. This week, sex therapist Vanessa Marin, who has 20 years of experience in the field, and her husband Xander, a self-proclaimed “regular dude," reveal the five most common reasons couples stop having sex and explain why desire might not be the problem you think it is.
We cover:
Why desire isn’t the foundation of a great sex life. Vanessa explains why waiting to “feel in the mood” can actually block connection and intimacy.
The top five reasons couples stop having sex. From resentment to routine, Vanessa and Xander unpack what really gets in the way and how to fix it.
How to reconnect when sex feels like a chore. Practical tools for rebuilding closeness without pressure or guilt.
The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire. Learn why expecting to just “feel it” can lead to frustration, and how to work with your body instead.
How to talk about sex without it turning into a fight. Simple scripts and strategies for starting honest, non-defensive conversations.
Why long-term desire is a skill, not a spark. Vanessa and Xander share how to cultivate passion and playfulness at every stage of a relationship.
How to create a sex life that feels equal and exciting. Real advice for ditching resentment, sharing initiation, and rediscovering fun in bed.
Connect with Vanessa and Xander:
Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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By Emma Norman & Cass Anderson
4.8
516516 ratings
Struggling with mismatched desire or a dry spell that won’t end? You’re not broken, and neither is your relationship. This week, sex therapist Vanessa Marin, who has 20 years of experience in the field, and her husband Xander, a self-proclaimed “regular dude," reveal the five most common reasons couples stop having sex and explain why desire might not be the problem you think it is.
We cover:
Why desire isn’t the foundation of a great sex life. Vanessa explains why waiting to “feel in the mood” can actually block connection and intimacy.
The top five reasons couples stop having sex. From resentment to routine, Vanessa and Xander unpack what really gets in the way and how to fix it.
How to reconnect when sex feels like a chore. Practical tools for rebuilding closeness without pressure or guilt.
The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire. Learn why expecting to just “feel it” can lead to frustration, and how to work with your body instead.
How to talk about sex without it turning into a fight. Simple scripts and strategies for starting honest, non-defensive conversations.
Why long-term desire is a skill, not a spark. Vanessa and Xander share how to cultivate passion and playfulness at every stage of a relationship.
How to create a sex life that feels equal and exciting. Real advice for ditching resentment, sharing initiation, and rediscovering fun in bed.
Connect with Vanessa and Xander:
Join our Patreon and access exclusive content HERE!
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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