Our brains have a natural tendency to always look for what is fair and what is equal. But when we're working to create a more intimate, close relationship, fair and equal is destructive. When our brain is keeping score of who is doing what to make sure it is fair, we are creating a transactional relationship, and that isn't going to create the deeper intimacy that we are seeking. Learning instead, to look for what is needed in our relationship rather than what is fair will do amazing things to move our relationships forward.