Intentional Living with Tanya Hale

This week we are continuing with our discussions about sense of self, and focusing on how it impacts our marriages.  It is really difficult, if not impossible, to have a strong, healthy, intimately connected marriage relationship if we don't have a strong sense of self.  When we have an underdeveloped sense of self, we lessen our capacity to really love and accept the other person and we severly limit our ability to do the repair work that is inevitable and so important to our marriage, two things that are vital for deep, intimate connection.  Let's dig a little deeper so we can clean some things up, shall we?

Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts:

29 Validation

34 Self-Compassion

46 Choosing to Love Yourself

78 Playing Small

104 Cultivating Self-Love

105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present, and Future

106 Fierce Self-Love

113 Self-Acceptance

114 Confidence

137 Not Enough? Not True

162 My 90-day Relationship

198 My Last 90 Day Relationship

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

247 The Value in Knowing Our Value

260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability

293 Dating in Mid-life

294 The 90-day Relationship How To

304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives

327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

331 Sense of Self

332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head

333 Sense of Self and Dating

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Continuing on with our sense of self series, today we are applying it to dating. When we have a strong sense of self, we approach dating with courage, confidence, and conviction. We aren't afraid of saying 'no' or being rejected. That's not to say we love it when it happens, but it doesn't rock our world because we understand that people's preferences don't mean anything about us. A strong sense of self approaches dating from an abundance mindset, while a reflective sense of self approaches it from a scarcity mindset.  And a scarcity mindset will set us up for a struggling relationship, while an abundance mindset will more naturally steer clear of people who won't be a good fit, and we won't be willing to 'settle'.  A strong sense of self is the key to having a fun and successful dating in mid-life experience.

Thanks for listening!

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts:

29 Validation

34 Self-Compassion

46 Choosing to Love Yourself

78 Playing Small

104 Cultivating Self-Love

105 Self-Love In Our Past, Present, and Future

106 Fierce Self-Love

113 Self-Acceptance

114 Confidence

137 Not Enough? Not True

162 My 90-day Relationship

198 My Last 90 Day Relationship

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

247 The Value in Knowing Our Value

260 Your Lovability and Your Love Ability

293 Dating in Mid-life

294 The 90-day Relationship How To

304 Personalities, Preferences, and Perspectives

327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

331 Sense of Self

332 Sense of Self - It's All In Your Head

This week we arae digging deeper into what our sense of self is and seeing how either a reflective sense of self or a solid sense of self show up in our lives.  All of the work we do here on the podcast stems from a solid sense of self, so as we clean up our thoughts and get more clear on who we are, how we are, and why we are, we can be more empowered to create the life and the relationships we truly desire.  Want to know how to strengthen your sense of self?  We also talk here today about six things you can do to begin to move toward a more solid sense of self.

Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts:

11 I Am Enough

29 Validation

36 Belonging and Fitting In

46 Choosing to Love Yourself

86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish?

118 100% Responsibility

130 Exploring Our Darkness

179 Being Kind to Yourself

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

232 Feeling Empowered

247 The Value in Knowing Our Value

287 Equality in Your Relationships and Your Self-Worth

305 When We Don't Feel Good Enough

310 Understanding Our Adaptive Child - 'US' - by Terrence Real

327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

331 Sense of Self

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Our sense of self, how we see ourselves, how we understand ourselves, and how we accept ourselves is core to our capacity to show up in healthy ways in our lives.  When we have a strong sense of self, all aspects of our lives run more smoothly, from our personal growth and happiness to our ability to have happier and more successful relationships.  When we have an under-developed sense of self, all aspects of our lives will struggle.  We will constantly be floundering in our personal lives, in our relationships, and in all of the other things we engage in.  We will not have that underlying sense of calm and peace, the fulfillment and satisfaction with the paths we are on.  In this episode, we are laying the foundation for understanding what our sense of self is and where it comes from, and in the next few episodes, we will explore more in-depth how to strengthen our sense of self.

Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts:

11 I Am Enough

29 Validation

36 Belonging and Fitting In

46 Choosing to Love Yourself

86 Is Self-Care Being Selfish?

118 100% Responsibility

130 Exploring Our Darkness

179 Being Kind to Yourself

215 Being Seen and Being Heard

232 Feeling Empowered

247 The Value in Knowing Our Value

287 Equality in Your Relationships and Your Self-Worth

305 When We Don't Feel Good Enough

310 Understanding Our Adaptive Child - 'US' - by Terrence Real

327 Learning to Love Your Human Self

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

Many of us, when we get divorced, create a story about our ex that keeps us stuck.  And even if you're not divorced, you may have a story about your current marriage or family that keeps you stuck.  Stuck in victim mentality, where you feel disempowered and at the mercy of someone else to change before you can feel better.  Very often, we can't change the circumstances of our lives, but we can change the perspective, the story we tell ourselves, about the circumstance, and that has the power to move us forward and get us unstuck.  It's a concept that is powerful in any strained relationship in your life.

Thanks for listening!  Want to learn more about this concept?  Check out these podcasts:

Interesting in a free 90-minute coaching/consult with me?  Access my calendar at: https://tanyahalecalendar.as.me/

In his book, The New Rules of Marriage, Terrence Real talks about five losing strategies that we often use in our marriages.  I think all of us are guilty of using these, but when we are aware of what they are, and are willing to see how we have and do use them in our relationships, we can start to clean up our thinking and our behaviors and really start to create relationships that are intimate and strong, and partnerships that are equal and engaging.

Some decisions are harder than others.  Everyone I have worked with or talked to who has gotten divorced says that their decision to do it was the hardest one of their life.  Whether it's divorce, or another decision that is super difficult for you to make, understanding why it's difficult and how you can process all the pieces is a valuable part for helping you to make that final decision, whether it's to stay or to go.

Why is it that we can be so hard on ourselves for being human?  We were created, by God, to be a human, and yet we can have such a difficult time embracing our imperfect humanity.  When we can instead embrace our humanity, love the learning journey, and praise the imperfect path, we will not only grow faster and with more comfort, but we will enjoy the life journey we are on.  

We all seem to have this innate drive and desire to be right.  And yet, there's a pattern I often see that the more we are right in a relationship, the weaker the relationship is.  This is because we often push our being right on others at the expense of them feeling safe.  They feel judged, criticized, and maybe angry, but not safe.  And creating safety in our relationships is a vital part of creating a healthy relationship.  

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Remember the analogy about filling our buckets?  I don't love that one.  And the reason I don't is because I feel it leaves us always in a scramble for keeping out buckets full since we're always emptying them out with acts of service.  So, here's an idea for you.  How about if we move into a space of overflow, where our service for others comes from our overflow rather than from our bucket?  How do we get to this space of overflow?  That's what we're going to talk about in today's podcast.