Intentional Living with Tanya Hale

Why is it that we can be so hard on ourselves for being human?  We were created, by God, to be a human, and yet we can have such a difficult time embracing our imperfect humanity.  When we can instead embrace our humanity, love the learning journey, and praise the imperfect path, we will not only grow faster and with more comfort, but we will enjoy the life journey we are on.  

We all seem to have this innate drive and desire to be right.  And yet, there's a pattern I often see that the more we are right in a relationship, the weaker the relationship is.  This is because we often push our being right on others at the expense of them feeling safe.  They feel judged, criticized, and maybe angry, but not safe.  And creating safety in our relationships is a vital part of creating a healthy relationship.  

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Remember the analogy about filling our buckets?  I don't love that one.  And the reason I don't is because I feel it leaves us always in a scramble for keeping out buckets full since we're always emptying them out with acts of service.  So, here's an idea for you.  How about if we move into a space of overflow, where our service for others comes from our overflow rather than from our bucket?  How do we get to this space of overflow?  That's what we're going to talk about in today's podcast.

It can be super easy to slide into a life that we're not passionate about.  I've heard so many people say that their life isn't what they want, but it's okay.  They have leearned to tolerate a life that feels far below what their spirit is aching for.  And that's not okay.  You have great things to do and amazing contributions to make in this world, and it won't happen when you are living a tolerable life.  Moving out of this life requires courage and a boatload of work, but it is so worth it when you feel a deep fulfillment and a 'coming home' to who you are meant to be.  So, how do we stop tolerating a life that we don't love?  We start to recognize when and where we're tolerating and we courage up to creating movement.  Let's do this!

Often in middle age we get really comfortable, and in that comfort, we neglect that inner voice inside of us that says we still have great things to do, that there is still growth and understanding for us to move into.  And yet, it can feel scary to listen to that voice and courage up and do something different.  But until we do, we will never find the deep joy and satisfaction that life has to offer.

One of the most important things we can do when we want to grow personally is to learn to be honest with ourselves.  And when we rely upon the phrase, 'I don't know' when things come up for us, we are being dodgy.  We are not being honest with ourselves because, we really do know.  Sometimes it's just painful and a lot of work to look deep within ourselves to see what we need to see.  And this resistance to self-awareness keeps us stuck.  Let's explore why and how this works and how to move into the deeper work of figuring it out.

Last week we revisited a concept called 'clean love', a space where we learn to love without expectations of others.  A question I frequently get when discussing clean love is, 'But aren't there inherent expectations in relationships, such as a marriage?'  The answer to that is absolutely.  So, in this episode, we are going to be discussing how to have clean love and also have expectations in our relationships for the best possible outcomes.

Today we are revisiting episode #92 Clean Love.  This is one of my favorite concepts that I teach about, and for those of you who haven't gotten that far back in listening, here's your chance to catch up on this concept.  Clean love is a space where we learn to love without expectation, without an agenda, something that many of us don't know how to do, and may not even be aware that we are loving with conditions.  When we can learn to clean up our love, we show up better, and we have more clarity around our relationships and how and when boundaries can be important.

Many of us were raised to believe that not rocking the boat was the best bet for happy relationships, and yet, from my experience, not rocking the boat created an unequal relationship that caused feelings of either resentment or contempt in my relationship, both of which were very destructive.  Rocking the boat is not only necessary, but also an important part in any healthy relationship, and yet we also want to make sure we are sending gentle waves and not a huge tsunami.  So how do we do that?  Listen in and see!

We hear a lot of talk about how hard it is to raise toddlers and teenagers, but not many of us were prepared for the challenges of having adult children.  In this episode we are discussing five reasons it can be so challenging and how to work through them so you can be the kind of person you really want to be with your adult children.

Want to check out some more podcasts about adult children?

#314 When Boundaries Are Hard