If we think of wisdom and stoicism as embodied in an elder figure, it’s often someone like a grandfather—calm, patient, slow to anger. Grandparents tend to be forgiving, knowing that life is long and that small mistakes aren’t the end of the world. They let things slide. They slip their grandchildren candy when the parents aren’t looking. They offer guidance without the intensity of immediate responsibility.

But before you can become a grandfather, you must first be a father.

Fathers (and parents in general) are different from grandparents because they are deeply involved in the daily development of their children. They discipline. They set rules. They get frustrated because they are directly responsible for molding their children into functioning adults. The stakes feel higher because they are.

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