In last week’s episode, I talked about the “kink police” — the people who project their authority onto others and try to dictate how kink “should” be done. This week, I want to explore a different kind of projection: when people put their fears onto your choices.

Agency in kink is usually talked about in terms of safety — boundaries, consent, protecting ourselves. And that’s vital. But agency is more than just the right to say no. It’s also the right to say yes to risks that matter to you.

Here’s what I cover in this episode:

• Why agency isn’t just about safety, but also about the right to risk.
• How society celebrates risk in sports and travel, but shames it in sex.
• My personal story of doing a rope-in-water scene despite warnings.
• What I learned from Cruciator about scenes without safe words.
• Why safe words are tools, not substitutes for attunement and connection.

I’d love for you to reflect: What does agency mean to you? Where’s your line between whats ok and not ok in kink? And do you think we sometimes rely too much on safe words?

🔗 Don’t forget to take part in my listener survey (link in the show notes). Your feedback helps me keep shaping this podcast for your journey.

Further Listening

• #94: Seduced by Fear: Cruciator on the Dark Side of Desire
• #91: The Single Most Important Skill in Kink (episode about attunement)
• #33: Tied up in a Pool - Not What I Expected!
• #32: Extreme Scenes - Understanding Abduction Play with Cruciator

xx Harley 🐰

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