The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

In this episode, we expand on the discussion of interdependence, that we started in episode 2 or Season 4 ”Dependency, Codependency and Interdependence”. We use the lens of ”You, Me, Us” to explore what we owe ourselves in relationships, what we owe the other person and what we owe the relationship itself. In contrast to relationships characterized by enmeshment, those governed by a healthy interdependence or mutual dependence can provide a sense of security, connectedness and care to both parties.

Article mentioned: Understanding cooperation through fitness interdependence. (9.7.2018)- Aktipis et. al.

00:01:24 Interdependence vs enmeshment

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The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

In this episode we discuss the intersection of gender with codependency. We explore how gender roles and expectations can be sources of trauma, leading individuals to internalize shame and feel pressure to conform. Gendered expectations can also reinforce codependent behaviors, as certain traits align with cultural norms associated with femininity, such as kindness and caretaking.

Additionally, we discuss on how gender can mask abusive dynamics, as it did in Brian's relationships, making it difficult for to recognize the abuse. Gender stereotypes can create a facade that conceals unhealthy relationships.

Ultimately, healing from codependency may involve moving beyond societal gender expectations to discover one's true self. 

00:00:41 Definition

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

As a preview of Season 5, when we will be introducing more voices into the conversation, we have a guest on this episode. Jason reflects on his struggles with codependent behaviors and the origins of these behaviors in their family of origin. He discusses experiencing physical and emotional abuse from their father at a young age and feeling needy and demanding as a child. His mother's actions and comments also contributed to his negative self-talk and body image issues.

He goes on to share how he turned to overeating as a form of self-medication and how his mother's reactions to his weight gain exacerbated his feelings of inadequacy. He describes a pattern of settling in romantic relationships and feeling a need to please others.

He also discusses how he is working on setting boundaries and overcoming people-pleasing tendencies. He is working on resolving the shame and fear that has always been present in his romantic relationships and expresses hope for the future. 

00:02:00 Jason's understanding of codependency

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The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

In this episode, the final one in our 'mini-series' about sex and codependency, we discuss Brian's past experiences of sexual trauma and how they had led to codependent behaviors in his relationships.

We highlight three key elements that contributed to his current healing sexual relationship:

Safety: Unlike his previous relationships, he felt safe with Stephanie right from the beginning. This safety allowed him to open up and be vulnerable in the sexual aspect of our relationship.

Desire: In our relationship, he has felt genuinely desired by Stephanie, and also desired her in return. This mutual desire was absent in his past relationships, which were often transactional in nature.

Pleasure: Our sexual relationship has been a source of pleasure for us both physically and emotionally. This contrasts with his past experiences, which were often filled with shame, fear, and performance anxiety.

We also discuss the importance of distinguishing between needs, wants, and desires and how this understanding helped Brian reconnect with his emotions and authentic desires. Additionally, we talk about the significance of being able to discuss these topics openly and how it has contributed to healing from sexual trauma and shame.

00:01:11 When we met

00:04:07 Sex as performance

00:06:45 Our sexual connection

00:07:50 What was necessary for healing the sexual trauma?

00:08:10 Safety

00:12:04 Being desired

00:16:15 Desire

00:23:45 Trauma and desire

00:26:13 Reconnecting with desire

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Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

In this episode, we continue the discussion about the way that trauma Brian experienced and the codependent behaviors that developed in response to it affected his sexual relationships and his relationship to sex. We broke this episode in to two parts (part 2 and part 3). This is part 3 which covers the sexual trauma Brian experienced in his relationship with J and then the end of that relationship.

00:02:01 Lovebombing

Episodes referenced:

S1 - #4 Narcissism

S4 - #2 Dependency, Codependency and Interdependency

In this episode, we continue the discussion about the way that the trauma Brian experienced and the codependent behaviors that developed in response to it affected his sexual relationships and his relationship to sex. We broke this episode in to two parts (part 2 and part 3). This episode covers the sexual trauma Brian experienced in his relationship with R. 

In this episode:

00:00:37 Sexual Trauma

Episodes referenced:

S1 - #2 Codependency and Trauma

S1 - #3 Codependency and Trauma Bonding 

S1 - #4 Narcissism

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

One subject that we have not discussed with much depth is sex, even though it is an important component of human relationships and it played a central role in Brian's struggle with shame and fear of intimacy. In this episode, we put sex front and center, talk through the reasons we haven't done so up until now and start to explore the role sex played in Brian's codependency. 

In this episode:

00:00:52 Why we haven’t discussed sex

00:06:57 Why we are talking about it now

00:10:53 Sexual shame venting

00:16:25 Origins of Brian’s sexual shame

00:24:12 Sex as performance

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

Vulnerability, a key ingredient for emotionally intimate relationships, can be difficult for people struggling with codependency. Brian developed codependent behaviors in order to try to protect himself from emotional harm, so deliberately being vulnerable with another person felt very scary and almost unnatural. In this episode we discuss the role of vulnerability in intimacy and the challenges we have faced in our relationship creating safe spaces for each other.

The Still Face Experiment on YouTube.

00:00:23 Definition

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

This episode we celebrate one year of doing the podcast! It has been a tremendous learning experience for both of us, we have each learned a lot about ourselves and it has strengthened and deepened our connection to each other. We have also learned so much from the listeners who have contacted us with questions and insights. We list our major takeaways from this year which include the role of Brian's family in forming his codependent habits, how powerlessness sits at the root of his trauma, and the terrible legacy of shame. 

00:02:44 The experience of doing the podcast

If you are interested in bonus material for this episode and for other episodes (for instance show notes or more in depth background stories) and would like to be a part of the Codependent Mind Discourse community, become a patron of the podcast. 

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

Instagram: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Trust has been a major issue in our relationship. Brian's codependent habits, which included people pleasing and reflexive lying, made it difficult to for him to trust himself and consequently, difficult for Stephanie to place her trust in him and in the relationship. In this episode we explore the different dimensions of trust and the ways in which it was violated and then repaired in our relationship.

00:02:43 Honesty and trust

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

If you are interested in bonus material for this episode and for other episodes (for instance show notes or more in depth background stories) and would like to be a part of the Codependent Mind Discord community, become a patron of the podcast. 

Instagram: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]