The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

In this episode, the final one in our 'mini-series' about sex and codependency, we discuss Brian's past experiences of sexual trauma and how they had led to codependent behaviors in his relationships.

We highlight three key elements that contributed to his current healing sexual relationship:

Safety: Unlike his previous relationships, he felt safe with Stephanie right from the beginning. This safety allowed him to open up and be vulnerable in the sexual aspect of our relationship.

Desire: In our relationship, he has felt genuinely desired by Stephanie, and also desired her in return. This mutual desire was absent in his past relationships, which were often transactional in nature.

Pleasure: Our sexual relationship has been a source of pleasure for us both physically and emotionally. This contrasts with his past experiences, which were often filled with shame, fear, and performance anxiety.

We also discuss the importance of distinguishing between needs, wants, and desires and how this understanding helped Brian reconnect with his emotions and authentic desires. Additionally, we talk about the significance of being able to discuss these topics openly and how it has contributed to healing from sexual trauma and shame.

00:01:11 When we met

00:04:07 Sex as performance

00:06:45 Our sexual connection

00:07:50 What was necessary for healing the sexual trauma?

00:08:10 Safety

00:12:04 Being desired

00:16:15 Desire

00:23:45 Trauma and desire

00:26:13 Reconnecting with desire

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

In this episode, we continue the discussion about the way that trauma Brian experienced and the codependent behaviors that developed in response to it affected his sexual relationships and his relationship to sex. We broke this episode in to two parts (part 2 and part 3). This is part 3 which covers the sexual trauma Brian experienced in his relationship with J and then the end of that relationship.

00:02:01 Lovebombing

Episodes referenced:

S1 - #4 Narcissism

S4 - #2 Dependency, Codependency and Interdependency

In this episode, we continue the discussion about the way that the trauma Brian experienced and the codependent behaviors that developed in response to it affected his sexual relationships and his relationship to sex. We broke this episode in to two parts (part 2 and part 3). This episode covers the sexual trauma Brian experienced in his relationship with R. 

In this episode:

00:00:37 Sexual Trauma

Episodes referenced:

S1 - #2 Codependency and Trauma

S1 - #3 Codependency and Trauma Bonding 

S1 - #4 Narcissism

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

One subject that we have not discussed with much depth is sex, even though it is an important component of human relationships and it played a central role in Brian's struggle with shame and fear of intimacy. In this episode, we put sex front and center, talk through the reasons we haven't done so up until now and start to explore the role sex played in Brian's codependency. 

In this episode:

00:00:52 Why we haven’t discussed sex

00:06:57 Why we are talking about it now

00:10:53 Sexual shame venting

00:16:25 Origins of Brian’s sexual shame

00:24:12 Sex as performance

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

Vulnerability, a key ingredient for emotionally intimate relationships, can be difficult for people struggling with codependency. Brian developed codependent behaviors in order to try to protect himself from emotional harm, so deliberately being vulnerable with another person felt very scary and almost unnatural. In this episode we discuss the role of vulnerability in intimacy and the challenges we have faced in our relationship creating safe spaces for each other.

The Still Face Experiment on YouTube.

00:00:23 Definition

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

Instagram and Facebook: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

This episode we celebrate one year of doing the podcast! It has been a tremendous learning experience for both of us, we have each learned a lot about ourselves and it has strengthened and deepened our connection to each other. We have also learned so much from the listeners who have contacted us with questions and insights. We list our major takeaways from this year which include the role of Brian's family in forming his codependent habits, how powerlessness sits at the root of his trauma, and the terrible legacy of shame. 

00:02:44 The experience of doing the podcast

If you are interested in bonus material for this episode and for other episodes (for instance show notes or more in depth background stories) and would like to be a part of the Codependent Mind Discourse community, become a patron of the podcast. 

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

Instagram: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

The paperback and eBook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Trust has been a major issue in our relationship. Brian's codependent habits, which included people pleasing and reflexive lying, made it difficult to for him to trust himself and consequently, difficult for Stephanie to place her trust in him and in the relationship. In this episode we explore the different dimensions of trust and the ways in which it was violated and then repaired in our relationship.

00:02:43 Honesty and trust

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

If you are interested in bonus material for this episode and for other episodes (for instance show notes or more in depth background stories) and would like to be a part of the Codependent Mind Discord community, become a patron of the podcast. 

Instagram: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

Learning how to regulate your emotions is a critical to be able to go on to develop healthy, stable relationships. Unfortunately, that learning is interrupted and/or distorted for many people; it was for Brian. We discuss how what emotional regulation (or, more accurately, emotional dysregulation) looked like in Brian's family and how that fed in to the codependent relationships he formed throughout his life. We also discuss what self regulation and co-regulation looks like in our relationship.

00:01:36 Social learning

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

Instagram: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

Unlike Codependency, Dependency Personality Disorder is listed in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual as a recognized personality disorder. Both Dependency and Codependency, however, share many maladaptive behaviors and can be rooted in negative childhood experience. In this episode, we discuss the many negative ways dependency, including narcissistic dependency, can show up in relationships and explore a positive version of dependency - Interdependency.  

00:01:23 Emotional regulation/dysregulation

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

Instagram: @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]

In this season, we investigate core concepts about relationships and the ways in which codependent behaviors can make it difficult to form and sustain loving, intimate relationships. Our newest book, Me, You & Us: Moving Beyond Relational Trauma and Disorder to Build a Stable, Lasting Relationship draws from this Season and from Season 7.  It is available now on Amazon:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FC6KCKNT

In this episode, we start with a discussion of intimacy itself - what are the different forms of intimacy? what are some ways intimacy is challenging, especially with people struggling with codependency? what kinds of intimacy difficulties have we dealt with as a couple and how are we addressing them? 

In this episode:

The paperback, eBook and audiobook version of the first two seasons of this podcast are now available on Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CYB1K31V

Thank you for following or reviewing this podcast. It helps other people find the podcast. 

Find us on Instagram @codependentmind 

Email: [email protected]