We talk about his new book, Curious Accountability (co written with Casey Moore), as well as the trials of bringing unmedicated kids to Walmart, the importance and challenge of reflection, and what it was like for both of us growing up with ADHD. The conversation was excellent. I learned a great deal from it.  

Cameron’s book is phenomenal. I highly recommend it.  

Without geeking out about the whole thing, I really enjoyed the concept of presence as it relates to Curious Accountability, and the way the three conversations discussed in the book provide an effective communication frame that can be used to talk to our kids about the challenges they face. Done right, it can limit the amount of intense confrontation and emotionality that so often derail those conversations.

Cameron Gott can be found at www.CameronGott.com.

As usual, I can be found at www.ADHDessentials.com.

Please let me know what you thought of today’s episode by emailing me at [email protected].

SHOW NOTES:

3:10     Cameron’s first experience working with kids with ADHD.

4:31     Certain environments invite certain behaviors

5:50     Teaching trip plans

6:14     Mine the learning and apply forward

7:15     Putting accountability in a positive light

8:11     What accountability means to most people… And what gets lost in it

9:08     What Curious Accountability is about.

9:29     Pausing, Pivoting, and ADHD

9:47     Light the Rocket and Go!

11:14   Fitting reflections into the day

11:59   Don't get us started on recess!

13:15   Just enough structure to be successful

14:17   Using structure outside of the plan/schedule

15:43   ¾ of the battle of ADHD

16:06   Presence and Curious Accountability

17:30   Curiosity and assuming good

19:13   How Cameron’s ADHD shows up

19:35   Trading Volume and Speed for Mastery

20:05   The student side of the pressure to get 100% right away

21:28   Bringing accountability out in the open in our relationships

21:57   Keep an eye on the bigger picture

22:19   The 3 Conversations of Curious Accountability

23:56   The Big Carrot in the Sky

24:21   Conversation 1

24:37   Conversation 2           

24:27   Conversation 3

24:57   Where the failure in the system happens

25:14   The ADHD Experience (Not being able to do what’s on the plan)

25:25   Sometimes the plan has to fail so you know what to address

25:45   How curiosity plays in

26:13   Mirror Neurons and Modeling

27:33   The Value of pairing accountability with curiosity

28:29   You need a safe place to share what’s going on…

29:20   …but it has to come from the top down

29:42   Radical transparency: Apply it at home!

30:11   The power of assumption

30:33   Curiosity is a muscle to build

31:11   Tone of voice matters

31:42   What would have helped when Cameron was in high school

32:43   Timing matters when asking questions

33:17   Prefrontal Cortex shutdown (is a good name for a band)

34:29   Ending Essential

34:59   The book is Phenomenal

35:51   Extra Bonus Ending Essential

Sandy and I had a great conversation about her husband, her kids, and the way ADHD affects their family.  One aspect of this episode that I love is the symmetry of it -  the topics we discuss early on in our conversation return again at the end, allowing us to go into more depth in them the second time through.  

I was impressed with Sandy's honesty and willingess to be vulerable, as well as the clear love she has for her husband.  Being married to ADHD can be hard at times, and I appreciated her willingness to go there during her time on the show.  

And she seemed to find some meaning in the thoughts and ideas that I shared.  Which is nice, since helping people is my main goal in doing this.

I hope you find meaning in this episode as well.

As usual, I can be found at ADHDessentials.com.

Or email me at [email protected].

1:46     Always 15 minutes early or 30 minutes late

2:55     Chris’s diagnosis leads to Dad’s tears

4:06     ADHD, litigation, and the need for excitement

5:18     Last minute struggles and working in bursts

7:13     Travelling in the car together

8:32     Struggles with consistency

8:54     Feeling like she has to overcompensate for Chris’s ADHD

11:26   Three kids, and one might have ADHD

13:40   Two years old and counting in three languages

14:12   How Sandy met Chris

15:06   Married to ADHD is a mixed bag

15:47   ADHD and the gap between the twins

17:00   The kid who walks into walls

18:34   Swimming lessons and mercurial moods

20:36   W’s Everywhere

22:44   What ADHD adds

24:24   Self Medicating with Surfing

24:59   Overcompensating after hurting feelings

26:51   Empathy beats fixing

27:06   Prepping the ADHD person in advance

28:44   The biggest challenge is carrying the mental load

31:58   But it depends on the day

34:15   “Is there anything you need me to do?”

35:31   Chris addressing Sandy’s needs makes a world of difference

36:17   A strong base of love and understanding helps a lot

38:35   The 5 Love Languages

40:57   Dopamine and small vs. large efforts

43:09   ADHD is just one aspect of the relationship

44:19   Communication and problem-solving

46:10   The moralization of ADHD

46:40   Sandy reflects again on Chris’s dad’s reaction to Chris’s ADHD diagnosis

Cara Fleming is a school psychologist at the high school level, as well as a transition consultant.

What’s a transition consultant? I’m glad you asked. Transition consultants help kids successfully make the leap from high school to college and/or the workforce.

Cara was great to interview. We laughed a fair amount, looked at things in new ways, and discovered some interesting things along the way. Cara talks transitions, testing, and shares why she isn’t a geneticist. Her knowledge and enthusiasm really shine through. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the show.

Cara can help with questions around transition from high school, and also performs independent testing for families looking into Special Education diagnosis in the New England area. She can be contacted at [email protected].

As usual, I can be found at ADHDessentials.com.

Or email me at [email protected].

SHOW NOTES:

2:27    The child HAS to be involved in the transition process

3:31     Kids need to have something they can succeed at

5:49     Disability Awareness

7:18     Disability documentation and the transition to college

8:08     Some colleges specialize in students with disabilities

10:13   Self-Advocacy and College

11:46   ADHD Supports in College

14:06   504 vs. IEP

16:42   Why Special Ed Teachers want to be useless

18:31   But, what if my kid isn’t going to college!?!

19:01   Licenses and 504s

19:56   How to ask for accommodations in the real world

22:28   Know your disability

23:15   “How can I do a better job for you?”

23:38   Sparkle! Sparkle! Sparkle!… Documentation

25:55   Empathy for testers and school staff

27:47   Credentials to look for in outside evaluators

29:05   The Historical Perspective

30:04   ADHD leaves a footprint in cognitive testing

31:55   Transition Plans for the Post-High School World

32:45   A Three-Legged Stool on a Really Nice Rug

32:59   The Academic Leg (which Cara turns into a prong)

33:12   Performance based tasks of attention

33:35   Cara changes the stool by adding a fourth leg/prong

34:32   Cara recaps the leg/prongs

34:48   The rug is for transition planning

35:35   ONET

38:14   You have to know what’s bad about the job you want

38:55   Cara talks about transitioning from a Geneticist to a poet (to a school psychologist)

40:37   What Cara loves about her job! (Besides the kids)

41:16   Why helping kids understand who they are matters

42:31   Self knowledge shifts the locus of control to the individual

43:43   Cara’s daughter turning 15 gave her a new empathy for parents

45:06   Ending Essentials

 As I spoke with Dan and Stacy, our guests for this episode, I was struck by how clearly their love for each other and their kids came across.  Dan's thoughfulness about how ADHD affects their family of four, and Stacy's understanding and acceptance of the struggles it presents were moving.  As was their clear support for one another, and their children.

As usual, I can be found at ADHDessentials.com.

Or email me at [email protected].

Episode 004: Routines, Giggles, and Belonging with Dan and Stacy

2:44     Child Evaluation leads to Parental Diagnosis

4:42     ADHD has always been there

8:22     Counting Down for Compliance, not Completion

8:51     Routine, Practice and Habit

12:37   Kids as “Little Recorders of Us”       

14:19   Giggles in the Walls

16:25   The Value of Routines

17:07   Disrupted Routines

18:32   Relationships and Belonging

24:44   Overcoming Fear at Disneyland

35:19   Evening Routines

36:06   Love and Humility

38:36   Catching Lessons

39:04   Empathy and Marginalization

41:25   Ending Essentials

Episode 3 finds me talking to Michele Monteiro.  She's a special education teacher at a school for kids with social, emotional, and other disabilities.  Many of her students have ADHD.

We talk aobut how students taking, or not taking, their prescribed medication affects both themselves, and their classmates, the importance of letting kids earn back your opinion of them when they mess up, and the transformative power of chef Boyardee and ramen.

Side Note:

During our conversation, Michele and I express frustration with the the fact thatn not all educators are able to understand/respect the social and emotional challenges of their students. No offense is intended. I’ve worked with a great many teachers and administrators who deeply value social emotional learning. And, given that you’re here, I’m sure you do too.  

Thanks for listening!  I hope you enjoy it.  

As usual, I can be found at ADHDessentials.com.

2:10      Bit by ADHD

3:40      Time Blindness

6:31      How not taking Prescribed Meds affects classroom 

10:16      Shame and ADHD

16:18      Effort Grades

17:26      Separating attitude from performance

18:08      Earning point back by doing well afterward

19:15      Teaching Self-Care

21:06      Why Projects don’t work for Michele’s population

22:08      Emotions Beat Academics

22:31      ADHD & Comorbidities

23:12      Why Michele Loves Her Job

24:38      The Value of Kids Putting Their Heads on Their Desks

27:31      Managing the Emotional Drain

27:47      The Value of Shared Experience

29:23      The Transformative Power of Chef Boyardee and Ramen

30:23      On Self-Care

31:55      Self Care Outside of School

32:31      Being Goofy in Class

34:22      Ending Essential