At a Total Loss

Emily's first and only child Oliver died and was stillborn just 6 months ago at the time of this recording. The cause is still unknown. While she finds peace in not knowing, she does want to investigate further as she hopefully navigates pregnancy after loss in the near future.

Emily talks about what happened, the casualness of her care, knowing now what we didn't know then, and how she is prepping to try to have a living child someday.

She has a blog and Instagram @plannedandplanted that has helped her during her grief. She has been open with her followers about Oliver and her journey and has found that they have been receptive. She had to let her fear of being open about her grief journey go. Those that don't like it can unfollow. This unapologetic way of doing it works for her and I'm here for it!

Her perspective is one that I feel is simplified in a way that could help others when they are trying to navigate the early months after stillbirth.

Find her at @plannedandplanted and feel free to reach out!

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I am not a doctor or a therapist. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own.  I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions!

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another video drops!

 Instagram https: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

Follow me on Social Media:

Instagram and Facebook: @thekatherinelazar

Kelsey, Patrick's Momma from Episode 2, is back to discuss a topic that is near and dear to both of us: Baby weight and body image after loss. This is a taboo subject where so many feel like, after the stillbirth of their baby, they aren't allowed to be uncomfortable in their skin, to see someone different in the mirror, to have more weight and no baby. But we're here to smash the stigma that it's superficial or unimportant. It's part of OUR journey so we hope it can help those that struggle with this.

We are still mothers. Mothers who struggle with this. Just like those with living babies. It's time we normalize it!

Kelsey is a former gymnast and has been hyper focused on her physique her entire life. Me as a pro dancer and fitness professional, has also focused and pretty much identified with my body looking a certain way for success.  We unpack all the things we have felt before, during and after pregnancy. It's uncomfortable, it's sad, there are regrets, and things we wish we could do over, but it's real and if it is reality for us, it probably is for you too.

Listen to us discuss it ALL.

Find Kelsey on IG at @Kelsey.Heslin

And ME! at @thekatherinelazar

Fitness reference: @loved_momma_fitness

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I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. Not all of my guests opinions reflect my own. Do your own research and always make your own informed decisions. This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone.

 Instagram https: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

Follow me on Social Media:

Instagram and Facebook: @thekatherinelazar

Amy and I connected on Instagram shortly after her first and only child, Carter, was stillborn in July 2022. She is a total grief vibe as she still laughs, experiences joy and deals with her grief and coping in a way that is her own. Never receiving answers as to what happened to Carter, she has entered into pregnancy after loss. She has decided to relinquish control in some way and trust that things will work out.

We talk about

• Her story
• Grief after stillbirth
• Getting answers
• Her grief vibe
• Ok to laugh and experience life again
• Denying the autopsy
• Respecting partners' wishes
• Her doctors being on top of this new pregnancy
• Having a looming feeling but not with her rainbow
• How the techs handle ultrasounds/not reading charts
• Sharing information about our experiences and having people not think it could happen to them
• Drinking during pregnancy
• Believing that this could actually happen and we end up with a living baby
• Deciding that it's ok to not be ok, BUT it's also ok to be ok.
• Getting up from the ground and not going back down.
• Digging ourselves out of the trenches
• And so much more...

Hit up Amy on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amyycampisi/

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I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there to help you feel less alone. Not all views or opinions of my guests are my own. Always do your own research and make your own informed decisions!

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe 

Follow me on Instagram https: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

Follow me on Social Media:

Instagram and Facebook: @thekatherinelazar

This episode is incredible. Nikki talks to me about her beautiful baby Skye who died from a severe and rare disorder called Meckel-Gruber Syndrome. It is only passed to the baby if both parents are carriers. Upon hearing this news, Nikky and her husband decided not to have biological children moving forward, as the chances are high that it will happen again. Nikky talks about her journey through her pregnancy, all of the fear and heartbreak but also the love and beauty for her daughter that was so strong. She discusses their decisions after Skye's death and what that means for them moving forward as foster parents to children needing love and support.

Nikki also discusses her relationship with God and how to redefine what it means when we hear "God is good" The last 30 minutes of this episode are everything if you are searching to strengthen your relationship with your faith after loss. She puts it so simply and so eloquently, you have got to listen to it.

To message Nikki, find her on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nikki.hawk/

The Book we Discussed: A Grace Disguised

**NOTE: this is always an open platform from the viewpoint of the guest and does not always reflect my beliefs. As always do your own research & use your own judgement on what's best for you. I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. ***

For more REAL TALK about pregnancy loss, stillbirth and grief, hit follow!

Instagram @thekatherinelazar

Facebook: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Dr Heather Florescue is an OBGYN in Rochester, NY and works at Women’s Gynecology and Childbirth Associates. Her passion is caring for families who experience pregnancy loss and stillbirth awareness and prevention.

Dr Florescue is championing for major change in the prevention of stillbirth and she alone seems to be the only one in her field. I am hopeful after hearing her speak, others will want to step forward and join her in the fight to end preventable stillbirth as well as help provide better bereavement and grief support to families as they navigate pregnancy after loss.

We cover:

• What is wrong with our current system and why
• How the US is behind in any standard protocols for prenatal
• Grief support for mothers after stillbirth
• Making change to a system that doesn't want to be changed
• The lack of motivation for other medical professionals to make a difference in stillbirth
• Her motivation for why she wants to help lead this mission
• Speaking at the Stillbirth Convention

She can be reached via email is [email protected] but I actually like Instagram better. I don’t provide individual consults or advice.

Her IG Handle: @drflorescueobgyn

PUSH Pregnancy: https://www.pushpregnancy.org/about

**NOTE: this is always an open platform from the viewpoint of the guest and does not always reflect my beliefs. As always do your own research & use your own judgement on what's best for you. I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. *** 

For more REAL TALK about pregnancy loss, stillbirth and grief, hit follow! 

Instagram @thekatherinelazar 

Facebook: @thekatherinelazar 

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar 

Email: [email protected] 

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

The ladies from the 1st three episodes of At a Total Loss are back to tackle some popular topics regarding loss. If you didn't listen to their first episodes, Liz is Harrisons mom who was born over a year and a half ago. Kelsey is Patricks momma who was born still 4 years ago, and Sarah is the other Brody's momma who was stillborn 3.5 years ago.  They all have gone on to have "rainbow" babies and they give their insight as to what life looks like since they last recorded almost one year ago.

What we cover:

• Grief in the past year
• Being more comfortable with their grief
• Being able to mentor others is therapeutic
• Allowed to laugh again
• No Playbook but we can be a guide
• Validating our loss & grief
• Parenting kids after loss
• The term Rainbow Baby
• The pressure on rainbows to fix us
• Ready to TTC
• Having a PAL pal
• Baby's reincarnated spirits?
• Partners and their grief
• And omg we talk about it ALL...

Hit up each of them on instagram!

Liz: @lizmyers19

Kelsey: @kelsey.heslin

Sarah: @sarah_emmert

And ME:@thekatherinelazar

**NOTE: this is always an open platform from the viewpoint of the guest and does not always reflect my beliefs. As always do your own research & use your own judgement on what's best for you. I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. ***

For more REAL TALK about pregnancy loss, stillbirth and grief, hit follow!

Instagram  @thekatherinelazar

Facebook: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Sydney & I met up here in Atlanta to talk about her beautiful first born child, Leighton, who died at 39 weeks from a 4x nuchal cord on October 17, 2022. This is an extremely rare event, and unlike a lot of stories on this podcast, was not preventable.

Sydney opens up about how this has altered her whole world and the choices she's had to make to keep moving forward. We are friends here in Atlanta, and I can tell you Sydney is such a light in such a dark dark reality. Her faith in God is inspiring & how she handles her grief with such grace is truly admirable. I felt the world needed to hear her story.

What we discuss:

• Leighton's death & birth
• Things that happened in the hospital
• How to continue your faith
• Her experience "in the trenches"
• The choice she made to keep going
• How she handles situations that make her anxious
• Her relationship with her husband
• What she is battling now 6 months later
• So much more.

Sydney hopes to help as many mommas as she can. Feel free to connect with her on IG at @sydandlexphoto

Shop her store & help support! @shopleightonbrooke

**NOTE: this is always an open platform from the viewpoint of the guest and does not always reflect my beliefs. As always do your own research & use your own judgement on what's best for you. I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. ***

For more REAL TALK about pregnancy loss, stillbirth and grief, hit follow!

Instagram  @thekatherinelazar

Facebook: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Welp, y'all asked for it, so I'm givin it to ya! I've had some requests to tell my story, all the way back to my dancin days & what exactly happened to Brody. You could probably piece it all together on my IG but no one has time for that. So here is my story in my own words, the beginning of it at least. In this episode, I talk about how we got here. I laugh at myself, I cry, I curse, I rant, I chuckled again, I cheerlead. There's a lot going on but it will give you some insight on my background, how we got to this podcast, & my life as the mother of sweet Brody.

What I cover:

• My history, where I'm from, family life
• Being a dancer
• How I got into hosting
• My career in fitness
• My career on camera
• Meeting Michael
• My Pregnancy with Brody
• What happened to him
• His delivery & the trauma that ensued after
• Recovering
• Therapies I've done
• Coping in the early days of loss
• Starting this podcast
• And a lot in between!

I hope this helps you guys see where I'm coming from,  my experiences with pregnancy & stillbirth, to piece together what happened to Brody, & where I want to go from here in honoring his memory.

I do this for him, I do this for you, i do this for your babies.

Hit me up on instagram to say hi! 

Website:

Dr Kliman's info: EPV: Estimated Placental Volume

Pregnancy loss: Pregnancy Losses

Home page: Reproductive and Placental Research Unit

Organization: Measure the Placenta

Email: [email protected]

** As always do your own research & use your own judgement on what's best for you. I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. **

For more REAL TALK about pregnancy loss, stillbirth and grief, hit follow!

Instagram https: @thekatherinelazar

Facebook: @thekatherinelazar

WATCH IT HERE: Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Mim, Lenny & Bhai's mom, is back to catch up on what has happened since she came on Episode 18. Since then she has raised awareness about baby loss by cycling the length of New Zealand with her husband Roy, shot a film that she is submitting to all the major festivals, and started a training program for health care providers that will help improve the bereavement care of parents after their baby dies.

Mim & I talk all the time so you will hear some weird banter & a lot of laughing. Which is OK TO DO! Our grief vibe matches up and she has been a big part in getting through these last few months.

Listen to her insight on facing her grief head on, meeting other loss parents in the middle of no where, and how she hopes to help change the way healthcare workers treat bereaved parents.

Find her on IG at @lennyslegacy https://www.instagram.com/lennyslegacy/

Website for Lenny's Legacy: https://lennyslegacy.co.uk/

And stay tuned for info on when the film will be out!

**NOTE: this is always an open platform from the viewpoint of the guest and does not always reflect my beliefs. As always do your own research & use your own judgement on what's best for you. I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. ***

For more REAL TALK about pregnancy loss, stillbirth and grief, hit follow!

Instagram  @thekatherinelazar

Facebook: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Nathalie is a mother of twins, one here on earth and to the other, A'mya who died just days after birth 11.5 years ago. Since then, Nathalie has parented both of them the best she can while learning about her own grief. She is a holistic counsellor and coach as well as a writer and published author of multiple grief resource books and the founder of the Grieving Parents Support Network.

This conversation is truly so healing. We cover what it's like to carry twins knowing one may not make it, what it's been like to parent one without her sister, and how she is a source of hope for those that she coaches by shining a light on what this life is about after loss.

We discuss:

• Grief as front & center at first
• How it stays but it isn't as big as in the beginning
• Healing is a process and not an end point. We don't ever say we're "healed"
• How to not lose hope with the potential of losing hope
• Survivors guilt with twins
• Teaching her daughter about her sister & letting her find her own way of grieving
• Understanding our grief
• Being OK with always having just plan B, living life with grief
• Relationships during and after loss
• Who we are before will dictate how we handle loss
• And so much more!!

Find Nathalie on her website at https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/

Find her books here: https://nathaliehimmelrich.com/my-books/

The grieving parents network: https://grievingparents.net/

You can also find her on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/mymissbliss/

**NOTE: this is always an open platform from the viewpoint of the guest and does not always reflect my beliefs. As always do your own research & use your own judgement on what's best for you. I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. ***

For more REAL TALK about pregnancy loss, stillbirth and grief, hit follow!

Instagram  @thekatherinelazar

Facebook: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com