At a Total Loss

Brody's dad, my husband Michael is back to answer questions that we polled from Instagram. This is the perspective of a loss dad and you will hear our back and forth regarding how differently we feel and think in grief, coping, PAL and parenting after loss.  Michael also has 3 other episodes: one right after Brody's death, one about TTC and PAL, and the most recent is about holidays after loss. Check them out!

Here are the questions the audience asked and we answered:

• How do you stay strong for Katherine when you feel like you’re struggling too?
• Do you ever have any weak moments in grief that you don't tell Katherine?
• When you have heavy grief moments, how did you deal with it?
• What is the most helpful thing that your wife did for you?
• How did you support Katherine during PAL?
• What was PAL like for the Loss Dad?
• What was helpful during PAL?
• Dad’s perspective of the birth of the second baby?
• Meaningful but useful gifts for Loss Dads?

If you want to reach out to Michael, find him on Instagram at: @lazar.michael 

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NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own.  I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions!

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops!

Support the podcast and shop the store!  At a Total Loss Shop

 Instagram @thekatherinelazar 

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

Casey tells us about her beautiful daughter, Charlotte, who was stillborn at 39 weeks from what she feels was a failed induction. She walked into the hospital with a perfectly healthy baby, was heavily monitored but ended up leaving  heartbroken without her daughter. It’s been over 2 years and Casey now hopes to find other loss moms that share her experience of losing her daughter during labor. If you are a momma that has a similar story, please reach out to Casey.

We also discuss:

• Trust in our medical professionals
• The dangers of induction & what we need to be told
• Getting properly informed of ALL risks when having to make decisions
• Having a perfect pregnancy after loss
• Conflicted about God and his involvement
• And a lot more...

You can find Casey on Instagram @Caseyhl21

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NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own.  I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions! We are real loss moms telling our FACTS regarding our losses. This isn't to bash anyone, to scare or or lose trust in medical care or deter anyone from decisions they have to make. These are just our stories and we are telling it because it's our life. We wish someone had told us their story. Maybe it would have changed things for us. Take what you want from it and ALWAYS do your own homework. 

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops!

Support the podcast and shop the store!  At a Total Loss Shop

 Instagram @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

I figured today was heavy for a lot of us so I asked Andrea, Terra's Mom, from episode 59 to hop on a quick recording with like 2 hours notice. I scrapped my whole plan for this week and just wanted a conversation that might be entertaining for those who may need it. We do cover baby death as we both had full term stillbirths and miss our babies tremendously but we have given ourselves "permission" to laugh if we need to. And we hope you can do the same. Take care of yourselves today, Mommas. Know we are always here for you...

We answer:

• How has your family reacted to your dark humor when it comes to baby loss?
• How do you cut out toxic people?
• How do you handle your partner who is so thankful you're alive but you really don't feel like you are?
• What's your coping vice?

We also talk about:

• Gratitude and Grief at the same time
• Holidays and having no expectations
• The expectations put on us
• Going to PTO meetings when grieving
• Explaining yourself for the way you are after loss
• Laughing as opposed to crying
• How much this is horrible but we are allowed to do this however we want
• Laughing is OK

Follow Andrea @grievinglikeamother and show her support by shopping her store @thegriefcloset

*************************************

NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own.  I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions!

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops!

Support the podcast and shop the store!  At a Total Loss Shop

 Instagram @thekatherinelazar 

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Brody's Dad, my husband Michael is back in the studio with me to discuss the upcoming holidays. This is the second holiday season after loss for us and we discuss how different they are from last year's. Michael and I are very different, even in our style of communicating. So this is helpful for those that want to maybe get a glimpse of what their partner may be thinking.

What else we discuss:

• Triggers around the holidays
• Relatives that are insensitive to your loss
• Traditions that include your baby
• Having a living child this year
• Being envious of blissfully ignorant pregnancies
• Him being hyper vigilant with my feelings around the holidays
• Giving pregnant strangers advice
• Having a less than perfect life as a parent vs others
• And a lot more...

This is a candid interview between a married couple. It is our views and ours only. We do not mean to treat or diagnose anyone. We are simply sharing our thoughts and experiences to help you navigate life after baby death.

Follow Michael on Instagram: @lazar.michael

*************************************

NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own.  I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions!

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops!

Support the podcast and shop the store!  At a Total Loss Shop

 Instagram @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

Lauren tells us about her beautiful boy, Austin, who died at 38 weeks from a cord compression. Her way of accepting what has happened has brought her peace which she explains in this episode. She also discusses how poorly some of the medical professionals around her treated her when Austin was born and then what she DID about it. We've all had experiences with people having no compassion right after our loss and this is how Lauren handled it. She does it the right way and received positive responses from those she spoke to thus making change for all bereaved families to follow her. This is a great episode to listen to if you've ever wanted to approach your medical team about their behavior after your loss.

Lauren has so many great pieces of information on how she handled things in the weeks and months after Austin was born.

We cover:

• How to approach medical staff with facts in order to give feedback on their professional behavior.
• Workplace policy for bereavement leave
• Fighting for policy
• Phases after loss
• Going day to day with loss
• Getting answers and being at peace with them.

Please reach out to Lauren on Instagram at @lkdrizzy 

*************************************

NOTE: I am not a doctor or a therapist. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own.  I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. These are my experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions!

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another episode drops!

Support the podcast and shop the store!  At a Total Loss Shop

 Instagram @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

Chelsea talks about her daughter Elizabeth who died and was stillborn just 9 months ago. Chelsea and I had connected just after her death and to see what she has done with her grief, how she copes and Elizabeth's legacy is inspiring. She never thought she'd make it to the day where she gets to tell Elizabeth's story. But it wasn't without putting in the work to get to this point.

We talk about a lot of this:

• Elizabeth's story
• Finding answers
• The question "How are you doing?"
• Medical staff and how they treat you. (She had a wonderful staff)
• Religious views after death
• Seeking out therapies
• Support Groups and committing to them
• Owning how you feel about the death of your baby and not letting anyone tell you otherwise

To connect with Chelsea, find her on Instagram at @icarryher_heart 

*************************************

I am not a doctor or a therapist. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own.  I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions!

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another drops!

Instagram @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

Crystal-Gayle tells her story from where she lives, Jamaica, and the many efforts she has put in to get change to happen there. Her precious son, Damani, was born prematurely and died just a few short days after his birth. During her time in the hospital, Crystal-Gayle noticed just how horrible the bereavement standards were and how uneducated the staff was on how to treat her. She dives into what she is trying to get done in her country and how she needs help to do so. She is a one woman voice helping so many but needs help from others to amplify her efforts. She is a wonderful mother to her son Damani and you can hear her unending love for him when she tells his story.

To connect with her, find her on Instagram at @4damani 

*************************************

I am not a doctor or a therapist. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own.  I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions!

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another video drops!

 Instagram  @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Support the Podcast and shop the merch here:  Hoodie Shop

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

HEADS UP: This episode speaks about having a living baby after loss. Sarah from episode 24 is back to chat with me about our experiences in this phase of loss life with a 4 month and 6 month old. This is uncharted territory for both of us and we have mutually felt that there is not much being said in the loss community about how challenging it is to have a living baby after loss. We want to tell you about what we've learned.  While mine and Sarah's losses are very different, we share the same feelings about the trauma, joy, grief, challenges, and pain that occur when having a living baby after your first baby dies.

We navigated loss life after Brody and Nathanial died. Now we are navigating parenting their little siblings, Wolfy and Thomas. 

This is NOT to scare or treat anyone. This is NOT complaining. We are also not speaking for everyone. This is us talking about our experiences in hopes we can help other mommas who are feeling the same way. Just shedding light on the normalcies having a living baby after loss include. 

What we discuss:

• The less than ideal way the baby after loss arrives
• It's not anything like we imagined
• We prepped for PAL but not for when the baby is here.
• We have the same experiences as other living baby parents do except ours has a layer of trauma 
• Early induction after loss
• Relationships with people who dropped off when our baby died but came back when we had a living one.
• Breastfeeding, pumping, feeding, formula, pain, etc
• Terror over joy
• Guilt for not hyper-focusing on our baby that died.
• The definition of a "good mother"
• Out partners and what they are experiencing
• Finding space to talk about our baby that died.
• Parenting a dead child while raising a living one
• We cover a lot of things...

Find Amy at @whenmybabydied and @totallythomaswilder

Support the podcast and shop the store! At A Total Loss Shop

*************************************

I am not a doctor or a therapist. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own.  I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real experiences, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions!

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another video drops!

 Instagram @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Amanda from Episode 12 is back! She talks about her recent efforts in DC to create awareness around stillbirth prevention and making moves to stop it. With the organization, Measure the Placenta, she hopes to help make some change in our prenatal healthcare in the US.  She is a wealth of knowledge on this subject and you will learn so much listening to her. This is for anyone that needs light shed on this subject to help others understand what stillbirth actually is and how we can try to stop it from happening in the future...

Here are some great links that we discussed:

Find Amanda's post about DC here! @orangeafmama 

Measure The Placenta info 

Info on the Maternal and Child Health Stillbirth Prevention Act

Info on Measure the Placenta: @measuretheplacenta 

Dr Kliman information

This is a petition to let your members of Congress know why their continued support for both the Stillbirth Health Improvement and Education for Autumn Act (H.R. 5012/S. 2647) and the Maternal and Child Health Stillbirth Prevention Act (H.R. 4581/S. 2231) is crucial to each bills success AND to urge those, who have not supported them in the past, to do so. Link Here: PETITION

Placenta Pathology Findings

Camila is a surrogate Loss Mom who experienced a full term stillbirth. In this episode we discuss her experiences with her surrogacy, the weight it put on her and her family and the preventable death of the baby that she was carrying. We talk about how her grief manifested, her relationship with the biological parents, and her calling to join advocacy and prevention efforts with PUSH for Empowered Pregnancy. As the Director of Communications, she has recently finished her time in DC advocating for changes in legislation to help put a stop to preventable stillbirth. 

This is a very specific topic within an already very rare category. Please share this if you know someone who has had a similar experience as Camila.

Find Camila on IG: @surrogacy_loss_mama 

To get involved: Pushpregnancy.org 

Preventative measures: Countthekicks.org 

*************************************

I am not a doctor or a therapist. The views of my guests are not always reflective of my own.  I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. Always do your own research and make informed decisions!

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another drops!

 Instagram  @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

Follow me on Social Media:

Instagram and Facebook: @thekatherinelazar