Andy put a post up asking autism parents to name the one fear they have never said out loud. 858 people answered, and 103 of them said almost exactly the same thing.
So we sat down and read them. Not the tidy ones, the ones people only admit when nobody can see their name next to it. Mourning the child you thought you were getting. Envying families who can wake up and just go somewhere. Feeling like you are managing your child rather than enjoying them. Wondering, honestly, what your life would look like if this had gone differently.
And underneath nearly all of them, the same question that every one of us circles back to at three in the morning: what happens to them after I am gone.
If you have ever had a thought you were ashamed of, this episode is 858 people telling you that you are not the only one who has had it.
Timestamps
00:00 Cold open
00:13 Intro
00:39 The Indi app and a summer of tracking
02:25 The post that got 858 replies
03:33 The child you thought you were getting
07:12 Watching other families do the ordinary
12:38 "It's not a superpower, and I'm tired of pretending"
16:00 Neuro spicy, and who gets to pick the words
23:11 Managing, not living
26:33 What it costs the other children
30:52 The fear nobody says out loud
32:47 What happens when I die
42:42 Studio news, guests, and the fantasy league
47:13 Why we now support a Serie B team in Italy
Gaz and Andy are two dads raising autistic children, talking about the bits nobody else says out loud.
Link tree in bio.

Robbie Williams announced at 52 that he is autistic, and said he has "a little bit of autism". Within a day the community had split over the phrasing.Gaz and Andy use it as a way into the question that keeps coming back. If one word covers Robbie Williams, and the same word covers Lydia, who is five, non-verbal and working with Makaton cards, does it still tell anyone anything? And if it doesn't, would splitting autism into levels help, or would it quietly move support away from the families already fighting hardest to get it?Along the way, Lydia brings her mum her shoes and says ""Daddy"" for the first time. Thomas drops his communication card in a packed Aldi, and two strangers know exactly what it is.Timestamps00:00 Robbie Williams, 52, and ""a little bit of autism""07:42 Has the word ""autism"" stopped meaning anything?09:23 ""I have to explain that she's not Robbie Williams""11:25 What levels would do to the families in the middle14:03 ""Mild"" autism, and who gets to decide it's mild16:25 Making profound autism visible enough to change policy18:16 Lydia brings her shoes and says ""Daddy""20:26 A spectrum ""widened to the point of collapse""21:53 Private clinics, and the money behind a diagnosis22:54 Should the diagnosis just be the starting point?25:21 Why is the EHCP process still on paper?26:58 The enemy isn't another autistic family30:11 Does ""autism"" tell you enough about the person?32:12 The autism community police35:04 ""Thomas isn't suffering. I am.""37:23 Aldi, and the stranger who knew what the card was for41:27 Who would be in charge of drawing the lines?44:23 If it's already split where you live, tell us how it works47:21 The autism dads' night out51:07 Country Fest, and two men judging dogsLink tree in bio.

Andy put a video up asking one question: which phrase from a professional never left you? His own was a paediatrician who would not answer whether Lydia was autistic, and instead said "we just need to ensure she reaches her potential, whatever that looks like."

Around 685 parents answered. It is the only post we have ever done that got more comments than likes.
So we sorted the lot and read them back. The denial, the low expectations, the gatekeeping, the ones that were meant kindly and landed like a brick, and the small number that got it exactly right. Over half of the worst of it came from a professional or a school. This one is heavy in places and very funny in others, and if you have ever been told your child does not look autistic, you are going to recognise most of it.
Timestamps
00:00 Thomas spells Playbarn on his iPad and reroutes the whole day
02:49 The video Andy posted, and the phrase that never left him
06:26 685 replies, and more comments than likes
07:30 The split: denial, low expectations, cruelty, blame
09:18 Over half of it came from a professional or a school
10:34 "He doesn't look autistic" and what spazzy is actually short for
15:10 The comebacks parents keep ready
15:48 The grandad in the supermarket
18:15 "Your autistic children may never thrive in school"
19:02 Why families actually want a diagnosis
22:35 "She isn't worth the funding" and the iceberg
23:24 "Masking is a skill you should be proud of"
24:38 The tongue tie nobody would treat
25:51 Written off, and proven wrong
32:05 The ones that were meant kindly
34:53 The worst thing anyone said
35:50 The comments about the comments
36:01 What autistic adults asked us to hear
37:38 The professionals who got it right
40:36 A diagnosis doesn't change who your child is
41:10 Hope without a promise
41:25 Eye contact, and who it is really for
45:04 Takiwatanga: in his or her own time
46:01 "So am I. Don't worry. We see each other."
47:20 Lydia's sleep, transitions and the summer holidays
Timecodes are taken from the raw recording and need tightening once the cold open is on the front of the final cut.
Latest episode in the link tree in bio.

Across the world, parents of autistic children are being offered something that

sounds almost miraculous. Clinics promise better speech, better eye contact,

calmer behaviour, and in some cases claim to repair or reverse autism. The price

runs from £10,000 to £40,000, and often more than once.

Over the last few months we've been approached by clinic after clinic wanting to

come on the show and sell it to you. We said no. Instead we went and read the

studies.

This one isn't about having a go at parents. Every parent looking at this is

acting out of love, and we've both been desperate enough to try anything. But

love doesn't mean a clinic gets to make huge claims without evidence. Stem cell

therapy is a legitimate area of research. It is not currently a proven treatment

for autism, and there's a difference between something being researched and

something being proven.

We also get into the ITV whistleblower, and the GB News piece asking whether

"those people" should have access to children.

Timestamps

00:00 Hope, science, or a very expensive gamble

02:21 We are not attacking parents

10:15 What autism actually is

13:18 What stem cells actually are

15:56 The 2017 Duke study, 25 kids and no placebo

18:47 The 2020 Duke study, and what it found

24:38 Claim: a 95% success rate

29:08 Why you'd swear blind it worked

31:45 Thomas and Lydia progressed. Neither had stem cells

35:37 Claim: it repairs the autistic brain

38:12 Claim: most children improve

40:45 Claim: our treatment is evidence based

43:02 The risks nobody puts in the brochure

48:00 What that money could buy instead

50:45 The influencer taking commission

54:02 Have a word with yourself

66:45 "Have you missed the treatment window?"

72:32 Myths and facts

82:55 The ITV whistleblower

86:50 GB News and "those people"

Latest episode in the link tree in bio.

This week Gaz and Andy sit down with Jolanta Lasota, Chief Executive of Ambitious about Autism, at their college in Isleworth. 16 years leading the charity and mum to a 21-year-old autistic son, Jolanta has seen the whole picture, from the early years right through to adulthood and employment.

We talk about why purpose matters more than exams, the young man who is non-speaking and holds down two jobs, the boy who was allowed to come to school in his pyjamas, and naming the grief nobody warns you about. Jolanta describes raising an autistic child as walking through woods with no path and no torch, and says the job is to be the one who carries the light. Honest, hopeful, and one of our favourite conversations yet.

Timestamps

- 00:00 Welcome, and where we are today

- 00:27 [GUEST]'s journey, 16 years at Ambitious about Autism

- 01:07 What's really changed in how we understand autism

- 05:57 The sensory pod that blew us away

- 06:58 The schools, the age groups, and post-19 provision

- 10:36 Why "purpose" matters more than a curriculum

- 12:20 "Walking through woods with no torch": what family life feels like

- 13:27 The non-speaking young man with two jobs

- 15:03 Are employers actually changing?

- 15:49 Policy, the white paper, and autism as a political football

- 20:06 Being the "happy helper", never enemy-ising people

- 22:14 What school looks like at four to seven

- 24:40 Focus on strengths, don't drill them on what they can't do

- 27:09 Gaz's own school story: six D's and learning differently

- 33:03 The weight of GCSEs and "lost leaders"

- 38:02 Don't underestimate them: the iPad "daddy" moment

- 40:28 Parents' guilt, and why it won't always be okay

- 43:47 Grief without a death

- 45:06 What's next for Ambitious about Autism

- 49:13 Thanks and close

Paul Mullin has scored goals in front of millions and become a household name through Welcome to Wrexham. But this one is about the part of his life the cameras rarely catch: being dad to Albi, his autistic son.

Gaz and Andy sit down with Paul for an honest, Albi-centric conversation about the regression that stopped his little boy in his tracks, the guilt that kept him up at night, and why he wouldn't change a single thing about his son. Plus the moment Albi found a way to tell him 'you're my best friend' without saying a word.

If you have ever felt like the only dad going through this, this one is for you.

Timestamps

00:00 Welcome Paul Mullin

01:00 The first signs, and Albi after his 12-month jabs

02:00 Regression: like a click of the fingers

04:00 The guilt, and crying himself to sleep

04:30 I wouldn't pay a penny to change him

05:35 Denial, and getting the diagnosis

07:20 Speaking about it on Welcome to Wrexham

08:24 The hope that kills you

11:38 Why 'he'll be fine' doesn't help

13:00 Did he grieve? The problem-solver dad

16:14 Being a footballer dad: time away and routine

19:12 How Albi communicates now

22:15 Holidays: frozen meals, dry ice and the airport

25:40 Coming home: holidays, holidays, holidays

27:50 Razor-sharp awareness: he just knows

29:20 The crafty negotiator: jet skis and boats

33:40 The best friend clip

35:07 Macho on the pitch, in tears at home

35:48 Autism in Racing and giving back

38:26 Nobody ever asks the dad how he is

43:00 Advice to a dad just starting the journey

New episodes of the Autism Dadcast every week.

Real talk, real dads, real autism.

Listen, follow and find everything in our link tree in bio.

One missed board and one wrong word at in the morning, and Thomas's whole morning falls apart.

This week Gaz and Andy unpack how much detail autistic kids track, why a single word can rewrite their day, and how much they understand even mid-meltdown.

Plus Lydia becomes swimmer of the week, the new-neighbour conversation every autism parent knows, and an honest, conflicted take on the under-16 social media ban and what it overlooks for autistic teens.Timestamps00:00 Charlie's shop opening and meeting Sophie the BTS superfan02:00 Lydia's swimming breakthrough: swimmer of the week03:40 Thomas's Monday meltdown: how one wrong word derailed the morning06:10 He knew the score: what the meltdown hid09:15 The new neighbour, the fence, and explaining autism again11:05 Attention to detail: the thing they do best14:35 The under-16 social media ban: where we land26:15 What the ban gets wrong about autistic kidsLatest episode and Discord in the link tree in our bio. Merch from Neurospicy & Co at neurospicyandco.uk, 10% off with code DADCAST.

Every parent of an autistic child has been told the same thing: just take the nappy off and sit them on the toilet. This week Gaz and Andy sit down with Charmaine, a learning disability nurse turned continence consultant with over 30 years of experience, and find out why that advice not only fails, it can make things worse.What starts as a chat about toilet training turns into something much bigger: gut health, the gut-brain connection, sleep, meltdowns, and the quiet toll this takes on a whole family. Charmaine explains why you have to start inside the body and not on the toilet, why it is learning and not training, and why no parent struggling with this has ever been failing.If you have ever felt judged, stuck, or completely on your own with this, this one is for you.Chapters00:00 Meet Charmaine, continence consultant02:45 Why toilet training is so hard for autistic kids03:34 Gut health and the gut biome05:43 The gut as a second brain10:07 Where to actually start (inside the body)11:59 The Bristol stool chart21:54 Nobody makes mistakes: parent blame and misinformation25:51 Learning, not training30:05 Why rewards do not work38:20 What the NHS offers, and the postcode lottery49:53 Why it works at home but not at school53:47 It was never lazy parenting57:42 Sleep, the brain and meltdowns1:08:50 Charmaine's support group and free resources1:13:18 The real cost: holidays, work and isolationFind CharmaineClear Steps Consultancy: https://www.clearstepsconsultancy.co.ukSupport group: How to Get the Wee and Poo in the Loo (videos, live sessions and free downloads)Socials: search "continence consultant and trainer" on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedInNew episodes of the Autism Dadcast every week. Real talk, real dads, real autism. Listen, follow and find everything in our link tree in bio.

You can know your child inside out and still be blindsided in the space of a week.

This one starts with Thomas opening the front door and wandering off down a hill in a quiet Shropshire village - the same week Lydia did almost exactly the same thing. From there it runs into the half-term chaos that brought biting back out of nowhere, the dread of summer toilet training and puberty creeping into view, and a proper kicking of the Department for Education for handing SEND to Gemma Collins after the white paper left families feeling gaslit.

Underneath the rage and the dark humour, it lands somewhere quieter. Gaz and Andy talk about the pre-autism photos, the grief that takes turns between two parents, and the two-second forehead touch that says everything a spoken "I love you" never will.

You'll come away realising two things can be true at once. You can grieve the life you pictured and still get up and be the dad your kid actually needs.

You sit down with the paediatrician. You've got half an hour. You know the

first 20 minutes will be you trying to prove your child is different to every

other child in that waiting room - and you'll walk out no further forward.

Orrin Benford knows that feeling. After a year of being fobbed off across GPs,

neurologists and urologists for his daughter Indie, he stopped trying to

remember everything off the top of his head and built something that did it

for him. This episode is about what happens when parents stop fighting and

start advocating - with the full picture, not a half-remembered one.

In this episode: Orrin's journey from digital-nomad life to full-time parent

carer in Australia, why so many parents feel gaslit by the system, the

difference between fighting and effective advocacy, and how technology is

finally letting parents drive change instead of waiting for the system to

catch up.

🔑 Key moments:

- 00:38 — Orrin's story: England, Australia, and an airport on Christmas Day

- 04:29 — The seizure the day after Indie's first birthday

- 12:15 — Healthcare in Australia vs the UK vs Dubai

- 17:05 — Why parents hand over "dirty, incomplete data"

- 19:22 — The two-page summary that changed everything

- 25:16 — Why it's not gaslighting, but it feels like it

- 37:35 — The handovers, the ring binders, and the things you forget

- 46:19 — The things that break parents are the things that didn't need to happen

If this episode helped, subscribe and leave a review - it helps other parents find us.

Follow Orrin: @OrrinBenford | The app: @theindiapp

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