Autism Dadcast

Every parent of an autistic child has been told the same thing: just take the nappy off and sit them on the toilet. This week Gaz and Andy sit down with Charmaine, a learning disability nurse turned continence consultant with over 30 years of experience, and find out why that advice not only fails, it can make things worse.What starts as a chat about toilet training turns into something much bigger: gut health, the gut-brain connection, sleep, meltdowns, and the quiet toll this takes on a whole family. Charmaine explains why you have to start inside the body and not on the toilet, why it is learning and not training, and why no parent struggling with this has ever been failing.If you have ever felt judged, stuck, or completely on your own with this, this one is for you.Chapters00:00 Meet Charmaine, continence consultant02:45 Why toilet training is so hard for autistic kids03:34 Gut health and the gut biome05:43 The gut as a second brain10:07 Where to actually start (inside the body)11:59 The Bristol stool chart21:54 Nobody makes mistakes: parent blame and misinformation25:51 Learning, not training30:05 Why rewards do not work38:20 What the NHS offers, and the postcode lottery49:53 Why it works at home but not at school53:47 It was never lazy parenting57:42 Sleep, the brain and meltdowns1:08:50 Charmaine's support group and free resources1:13:18 The real cost: holidays, work and isolationFind CharmaineClear Steps Consultancy: https://www.clearstepsconsultancy.co.ukSupport group: How to Get the Wee and Poo in the Loo (videos, live sessions and free downloads)Socials: search "continence consultant and trainer" on Facebook, Instagram and LinkedInNew episodes of the Autism Dadcast every week. Real talk, real dads, real autism. Listen, follow and find everything in our link tree in bio.

You can know your child inside out and still be blindsided in the space of a week.

This one starts with Thomas opening the front door and wandering off down a hill in a quiet Shropshire village - the same week Lydia did almost exactly the same thing. From there it runs into the half-term chaos that brought biting back out of nowhere, the dread of summer toilet training and puberty creeping into view, and a proper kicking of the Department for Education for handing SEND to Gemma Collins after the white paper left families feeling gaslit.

Underneath the rage and the dark humour, it lands somewhere quieter. Gaz and Andy talk about the pre-autism photos, the grief that takes turns between two parents, and the two-second forehead touch that says everything a spoken "I love you" never will.

You'll come away realising two things can be true at once. You can grieve the life you pictured and still get up and be the dad your kid actually needs.

You sit down with the paediatrician. You've got half an hour. You know the

first 20 minutes will be you trying to prove your child is different to every

other child in that waiting room - and you'll walk out no further forward.

Orrin Benford knows that feeling. After a year of being fobbed off across GPs,

neurologists and urologists for his daughter Indie, he stopped trying to

remember everything off the top of his head and built something that did it

for him. This episode is about what happens when parents stop fighting and

start advocating - with the full picture, not a half-remembered one.

In this episode: Orrin's journey from digital-nomad life to full-time parent

carer in Australia, why so many parents feel gaslit by the system, the

difference between fighting and effective advocacy, and how technology is

finally letting parents drive change instead of waiting for the system to

catch up.

🔑 Key moments:

- 00:38 — Orrin's story: England, Australia, and an airport on Christmas Day

- 04:29 — The seizure the day after Indie's first birthday

- 12:15 — Healthcare in Australia vs the UK vs Dubai

- 17:05 — Why parents hand over "dirty, incomplete data"

- 19:22 — The two-page summary that changed everything

- 25:16 — Why it's not gaslighting, but it feels like it

- 37:35 — The handovers, the ring binders, and the things you forget

- 46:19 — The things that break parents are the things that didn't need to happen

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Follow Orrin: @OrrinBenford | The app: @theindiapp

#AutismDadcast #Autism #Parenting #Neurodiversity #ASD #SEND

Adam Parkinson came on this week. One of the Two Mr. Ps. Teaching assistant. Podcaster. Dad of two — a 10-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old autistic son called Max.

We talked about Max. We talked about the plane aisle moment his wife filmed without telling him, that went viral and started everything. We talked about siblings, and what it means to watch your daughter try not to look upset when her brother destroys her Barbie Dream House. We talked about online trolls, the dads' WhatsApp group, and the time a stranger told him celebrating his son's diagnosis was "like celebrating your kid having cancer."

And we talked about the moment in Popeye's last weekend when Max tried a chicken tender for the first time, looked up, and said one word he'd never said before.

Timestamps:

0:00 — SATs week, Popeye's, and a school uniform standoff

3:00 — Meet Adam and the family

4:00 — Spotting it during lockdown

5:18 — You're allowed to mourn the life you planned

6:23 — The plane aisle video that started everything

8:31 — Isla, sibling of the year

10:55 — When the Barbie Dream House got destroyed

11:53 — You can never relax

13:16 — What people don't understand until they live it

15:14 — The small wins nobody else sees

17:25 — Autism top trumps and 23 hours awake

18:30 — Handling violent moments differently after the community

20:07 — Verdict. Great. Outstanding.

21:25 — Are dads in the SEND world overlooked?

24:33 — Permission to talk

26:55 — The celebrating cancer comment

28:13 — Chubby Tommy Robinson and other DMs

31:51 — The dads' WhatsApp army

38:33 — Two Mr. Ps and how it started

49:17 — Pen licences and getting recognised in your swimming shorts

59:55 — Adam's advice to a dad at diagnosis

We ran the London Marathon. We didn't train. We finished it. And then we had a conversation we weren't expecting to have.

Halfway through writing this off as a marathon recap, we ended up admitting something neither of us had said out loud before. We talk a lot about wanting to be around as long as we can for our kids. But if we're honest, we're not always doing the things that would actually make that happen.

This one's got the funny stuff. The rhinos overtaking us. The fireman in full kit with an air canister on his back. The stranger who fed Gaz crisps when his calf cramped outside a pub.

But underneath all of it, the question we couldn't stop asking each other. Are we doing enough? And if we're not, when does that stop?

Timestamps:

0:00 — Medals, recovery, and the post-marathon shock

1:00 — The trainer mistake nobody warned us about

3:30 — Hitting the wall at 25k

4:53 — How slick the event actually was

6:30 — Cody's Sark and looking for Mish in the crowd

7:34 — Tower Bridge and faking it for the BBC camera

8:35 — "I'd love to do it again, but I'd train this time"

9:00 — Why we're already signing up for next year

11:21 — The bug we didn't expect to catch

12:23 — The honest conversation about staying alive

14:14 — What you'd say on your deathbed

16:11 — The other dads getting stuck in19:07 — Sean's response when he saw Mish

19:33 — Ambitious About Autism at mile 25

21:13 — Garmin lies and the 22-mile detour

22:35 — The fridge runner and the dementia genes

23:34 — The best of London on one day

27:19 — Why the donations kept us going

29:51 — The crisps, the IPA and the kindness of strangers

35:01 — Crossing the line and the wave of emotion

35:32 — The voice note that made Gaz cry

36:48 — The school forgot Thomas's good luck present

37:41 — A shout out to Spot Limited

40:11 — Buying us a coffee mid-marathon

41:35 — Adam Parkinson and the Australian app

42:31 — The kick up the arse we needed

We put two sets of questions to the community. One for dads, one for mums. The dads sent seven. The mums sent seventeen. And most of the mums' questions were about how to get their partner on board.

This one hits different. We talk about what happens when you refuse to accept your child's diagnosis. Why dads get left behind. Why mums end up carrying everything. And the moment you have to stop making it about you and start making it about your kid.

We also answer the question nobody wants to think about: what do you actually miss? Not the big stuff. The everyday things that every other parent takes for granted.

If you're a dad still sitting on the fence, this is the one.

Timestamps:0:00 — Marathon panic and stepping in human feces4:39 — Q&A starts: dads' questions5:06 — How did the diagnosis hit you?11:27 — Living in silence and burnout17:33 — Golden hope for adulthood19:25 — Low expectations and why we stop pushing our kids23:05 — Why mums do all the work29:01 — Should the UK adopt autism levels?32:12 — Guilt of calling home from work34:53 — Mums' questions begin35:02 — Why does mum do all the research?39:29 — The wake-up call for dads41:44 — How to support your partner after diagnosis46:42 — Processing trauma of being dismissed52:30 — Coping with isolation1:00:04 — The video that broke us1:02:14 — Advice for grandparents, friends, and family1:10:22 — Coping as a single mum1:14:03 — Keeping calm when professionals fail you1:19:22 — Why is it so hard to be heard?1:22:36 — Unawareness in the medical community1:25:35 — No support after diagnosis1:26:59 — Why aren't there enough specialist schools?1:32:22 — What do dads miss the most?1:36:24 — Supporting a partner as a stepparent1:40:39 — Helping your husband find his tribe

What happens when you die and your child doesn't understand death? What if they just think you walked away?

That's where this conversation ended up. It started with a story about a mum who overheard a dad talking about his autistic son and accused him of saying his life was harder than hers. It turned into something neither Gaz nor Andy were prepared for. Pre-recorded death videos. Whether your child needs to see your body. The arithmetic of outliving someone who might never understand why you're not there anymore.

They also talk about why parents of high-functioning autistic children are often fighting the system harder than anyone else, why dads stop telling their mates anything, and what happens when you've been in combat mode so long you can't switch it off.

Plus: the Guardian photoshoot, the London Marathon in two weeks, a game-changing app for SEND parents landing in the UK, and Sean ran another half marathon for fun.

0:00 — Back from Cyprus, the Guardian photoshoot4:23 — The pronoun conversation follow-up5:37 — The dad who stopped telling his mates7:21 — The mum who switched9:39 — The "top trumps" problem in the community13:47 — Luke's story: when your child can't live with you16:04 — What happens when I die?17:33 — The pre-recorded death video18:40 — Love on the Spectrum and the parents who can't grow old22:30 — Everyone's struggles are relative27:51 — The system was worse 30 years ago34:24 — The Discord and epic fails43:16 — The app that's going to change things45:29 — London Marathon and Ambitious About Autism50:22 — Why we're terrible at replying to messages

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#AutismDadcast #Autism #Parenting #Neurodiversity #ASD #SEND

When your autistic child turns 18, you stop being their parent in the eyes of the law. You have to apply to the Court of Protection, pay £850, wait four months, and hope social services don't oppose it. If you don't, hospitals won't listen to you and you can't touch their bank account.

We didn't know this. Most parents of young autistic children don't. A petition hit the parliamentary website asking for it to be scrapped for families where a capacity assessment already confirms the child permanently lacks capacity. The government said no.

This week we also talk about Andy's relationship breaking down, what it's like becoming one of the statistics, and the growing pile of comments from people telling us we're doing this wrong. From "did you ask your daughter's permission" to "autism doesn't exist, it's just bad parenting" from a mainstream teacher. We read them out. We don't hold back.

Plus the London Marathon is three and a half weeks away. The furthest either of us has run is 5K. Sean has been smashing half marathons. We're in trouble.

🔑 Key moments:0:00 — We're back2:02 — Andy's relationship breakdown5:12 — The petition that stopped us scrolling5:38 — What happens when your autistic child turns 186:35 — Deputyship: what it costs and what happens if you don't apply9:05 — The government's response10:35 — London Marathon training (or lack of it)14:06 — £6,559 raised for Ambitions About Autism17:59 — The Cyprus autism half marathon28:26 — How we upset people (reform, pronouns, and profoundly autistic)40:03 — The pronoun comment43:14 — The Hidden 20% podcast backlash45:57 — "Did you ask your daughter's permission?"51:56 — "Classic autism parents making money off their children"53:47 — A teacher who says autism doesn't exist

If this episode helped, subscribe and leave a review — it helps other parents find us.

#AutismDadcast #Autism #Parenting #Neurodiversity #ASD #SEND

If you've ever looked at your child mid-meltdown and thought "I can't do this anymore," this one's for you.In this episode, Gaz sits down with his wife Mish for a raw, unfiltered conversation about what life was really like from the moment Thomas was born. The traumatic birth. The baby who wouldn't latch, wouldn't calm, wouldn't make eye contact. The feeling of being nothing more than a feeding machine while every other mum seemed to have it figured out. The sleepless nights on a single bed downstairs. The marriage that quietly slid into housemate territory without either of them noticing.Mish talks openly about the moment she nearly got in the car and drove away. About sobbing for two weeks solid after accepting the diagnosis. About looking at Gaz and resenting him for not falling apart the way she was.But this episode isn't just the hard stuff. It's the story of how a picture of a car, a laminator, and principles borrowed from military dog training unlocked communication with their non-verbal son. How Thomas went from endless meltdowns to independently spelling words to tell his parents what he wanted. How that one breakthrough changed everything for the whole family.If you're a parent who feels like your child is trapped inside their own head, this might be the most important hour you spend this week.

🔑 Key moments:0:00 — Thomas's birth and the early signs9:25 — "Something isn't clicking" — Mish's gut feeling13:00 — The meltdowns and the marriage falling apart19:00 — The photo that made Gaz accept it22:00 — The diagnosis and the grief that followed30:26 — "I nearly drove away" — Mish's breaking point33:22 — Communication cards: where it all started41:40 — The moment Thomas brought them a picture46:50 — Thomas spells C-A-R on his bedroom floor57:44 — Mish's advice to parents who don't know where to startIf this episode helped, subscribe and leave a review. It helps other parents find us.#AutismDadcast #Autism #Parenting #Neurodiversity #ASD #SEND

The government's SEND White Paper promises a better system. But what happens when the independent expert on your complaints panel gets outvoted by governors? We asked the Minister directly.Gaz and Andy sat down with Georgia Gould, Minister for Schools, inside the Department for Education to put the questions SEND families are actually asking. The tribunal gap. The complaints panel. The undefined "complex needs" threshold. The workforce that doesn't exist yet.She answered all of it — and some of her answers might surprise you.Key moments:2:10 — The tribunal gap: what parents can and can't challenge4:06 — The complaints panel: can the SEND expert be outvoted?7:05 — Why families still have to go back to their local authority11:02 — The 90% debt write-off: what are the conditions?16:11 — "Complex needs" isn't defined. Who decides?25:21 — The workforce problem: what if the specialists aren't there?This is the conversation the SEND community needed to happen. Whether you leave reassured or more concerned - you need to hear it.