Back from the Borderline

Discover the insidious nature of toxic shame and its potential role as the root cause behind our ongoing suffering and emotional turmoil. At the core of self-sabotage, toxic shame leaves us feeling empty, unfulfilled, and disconnected from others. Learn how internalized toxic shame manifests uniquely in individuals, evident through feelings of unworthiness, negative self-talk, perfectionism, fear of vulnerability, struggles with intimacy, boundary challenges, chronic self-consciousness, avoidant behaviors, negative body image, and emotional instability. This episode is the seventh installment of our multi-episode series, aiming to guide you in alchemizing and transmuting your toxic shame.

TIME STAMPS:

00:00 – 13:48: The sound of toxic shame (listener voicemails)

13:16 – 42:10: Understanding your core childhood dependency needs (how unmet needs in childhood affect us as adults)

42:10 – 47:54: Abandonment through enmeshment in the overt and covert needs of a dysfunctional family system

47:54 – 59:29: Understanding internalized toxic shame and shame spirals

59:29 – 01:14:20: Toxic shame as forced perfectionism in public school systems

01:14:20 – 01:20:51: How peer shaming in childhood leads to internalized toxic shame

01:20:51 – 01:30:05: The devastating impact of digital public shaming and internet “cancel culture”

[PREMIUM]

01:30:05 – 01:36:51: Listener question from Matt (rushing the recovery process)

01:36:51 – 01:51:42: Anonymous listener question (finding self-forgiveness after a shame-inducing mistake)

01:50:47 – 02:02:34: Listener question from Caleb (how to sit with the deep pain of recovery and deal with creative blockages)

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Discover the insidious nature of toxic shame and its potential role as the root cause behind our ongoing suffering and emotional turmoil. At the core of self-sabotage, toxic shame leaves us feeling empty, unfulfilled, and disconnected from others. Learn how internalized toxic shame manifests uniquely in individuals, evident through feelings of unworthiness, negative self-talk, perfectionism, fear of vulnerability, struggles with intimacy, boundary challenges, chronic self-consciousness, avoidant behaviors, negative body image, and emotional instability. This episode is the sixth installment of our multi-episode series, aiming to guide you in alchemizing and transmuting your toxic shame. Join us as we explore how various forms of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse contribute to the development of toxic shame and the initial steps towards healing.

Disclaimer: This episode contains discussions and graphic descriptions of sexual assault and abuse. Listener discretion is advised.

Check out the time stamps below for a more detailed description of the topics covered in this episode:

00:00 – 04:12: Intro + disclaimer (a brief description of what we’ll be discussing)

04:12 – 11:29: Recognizing the different types of sexual abuse

11:29 – 19:59: Covert (hidden) sexual abuse and trauma

19:59 – 32:25: Emotional-sexual abuse

32:25 – 42:07: Physical abuse and toxic shame

42:07 – 54:17: Emotional abuse and toxic shame

54:01 – 01:00:06: How our emotions become shame-bound

01:00:06 – 01:09:35: The impact toxic shame has on the development of sexuality

01:09:23 – 01:12:44: When shame becomes your “master emotion”

PREMIUM PORTION:

01:12:44 – 02:00:03: Toxic shame healing meditation “The Black Bear” [PREMIUM PREVIEW] The Black Bear meditation was inspired by and adapted from an original meditation by Sez Kristiansen.

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What is this sneaky, yet destructive thing called toxic shame, and could it be the root cause of our continued suffering and emotional dysregulation? Toxic shame lies at the heart of most self-sabotaging behaviors that keep us feeling empty, unfulfilled, and disconnected from others. Signs of internalized toxic shame can manifest in various ways and differ from person to person. Persistent feelings of unworthiness, negative self-talk, perfectionism, fear of vulnerability and intimacy, difficulty setting boundaries, chronic self-consciousness, avoidant behaviors, negative body image, and emotional instability can all be indicators of toxic shame. This is part five in a multi-episode series aimed at helping you alchemize and transmute your toxic shame. In this episode, we will explore the devastating impact on our lives when internalized toxic shame becomes our state of being. We will also dive into the different ways abandonment can present in childhood through physical abuse, emotional abandonment, and deprived narcissism.

TIME STAMPS:

00:00 – 11:24: Intro + reading of my poem “untethered” (the impact of toxic shame in my own life)

11:24 – 14:53: How toxic shame becomes a permanent state of being

14:53 – 19:35: Understanding the connection between toxic shame and abandonment trauma

19:35 – 36:32: Abandonment as physical absence

36:32 – 01:06:24: Abandonment as emotional neglect and deprived narcissism

01:06:24 – 01:12:57: Abandonment as physical abuse

PREMIUM PORTION: In the Premium half of the episode, I discuss my personal healing journey and the positive impact Somatic Experiencing therapy is having on my life. We finish up with a guided pendulation exercise inspired by the work of Peter Levine.

01:12:57 – 01:48:16: How somatic experiencing is helping me get back into my body

01:48:16 – 02:01:50: Guided pendulation exercise inspired by the work of Peter Levine (creator of Somatic Experiencing)

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is part four of our multi-episode series aimed at helping you alchemize and transmute your toxic shame. In this episode, we’ll dive into the generational aspect of toxic shame and how it gets passed down and embedded into dysfunctional family systems. We’ll also discuss the various roles and rules in shame-based families and the pervasive impact this has on children in adulthood.

Check out the time stamps below for a more detailed description of the topics covered in this episode.

00:00 – 05:14: Intro + reflections

05:00 – 18:07: How toxic shame sabotages our most important relationships

18:07 – 33:13: A case study of how toxic shame gets passed down throughout generations

33:13 – 48:54: Exploration of the various dysfunctional family roles and their characteristics 

48:54 – 01:09:54: Multi-generational shame cycles (how children develop toxic shame)

01:09:54 – 01:30:53: Dysfunctional rules in shame-based families

01:30:58 – 01:36:57: How to become more fully human with the “five freedoms” of Virginia Satir

01:46:37 – 01:59:46: Guided meditation and affirmation session to transmute toxic shame

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is part THREE in our multi-episode series aimed at helping you alchemize and transmute your toxic shame. First, we confront the detrimental effects of toxic shame, its correlation with personality disorder labels, and its potential role in criminal behavior. We’ll also tackle how unprocessed toxic shame from childhood can manifest as traits of grandiose narcissism, causing individuals to seek validation through exaggerated self-importance. Finally, we’ll discover how the burden of shame can stifle our spiritual growth and impede our quest for self-discovery and our connection with others. Tune in to this captivating episode as we uncover the deep-rooted effects of toxic shame on our psyche and gain insights into how we can heal and reclaim our authentic selves.

Check out the time stamps below for a more detailed description of the topics covered in this episode:

00:00 – 07:18: Reflecting on what we’ve learned so far and an introduction to this episode’s topics

07:19 – 19:46: Toxic shame and personality disorder labels

19:38 – 34:41: Toxic shame and guilt in criminal behavior (recidivism prediction)

PREMIUM | My Stupid Walk for My Stupid Mental Health – “head-fucked by perfectionism (ft. a very special surprise guest)”

34:37 – 37:00: Toxic shame and sexual abuse (will be expanded upon in a further episode)

37:00 – 45:17: How unprocessed toxic shame from childhood can lead to feelings of grandiosity (grandiose narcissism)

45:17 – 49:25: Toxic shame and spiritual starvation

49:25 – 59:24: The dehumanizing quality of toxic shame

59:00 – end: [PREMIUM PORTION] My Stupid Walk for My Stupid Mental Health – “head-fucked by perfectionism (ft. a surprise appearance by my partner Zaz)

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is part two in a multi-episode series aimed at helping you alchemize and transmute your toxic shame.What is this sneaky, yet destructive thing called toxic shame, and could it be the root cause of our continued suffering and emotional dysregulation? Toxic shame lies at the heart of most self-sabotaging behaviors that keep us feeling empty, unfulfilled, and disconnected from others. Signs of internalized toxic shame can manifest in various ways and differ from person to person. Persistent feelings of unworthiness, negative self-talk, perfectionism, fear of vulnerability and intimacy, difficulty setting boundaries, chronic self-consciousness, avoidant behaviors, negative body image, and emotional instability can all be indicators of toxic shame.

Check out the time stamps below for a more detailed description of the topics covered in this episode: 

00:00 – 05:56: Reflections from part one

05:56 – 11:06: Why discuss toxic shame? 

11:06 – 16:50: Shame and guilt in neurosis 

16:50 – 28:52: How childhood shame shapes adult identity

28:52 – 33:03: Understanding traumatic shame and abandonment

33:03 – 37:47: How toxic shame disconnects and freezes you out from your own needs and desires

37:47 – 46:42: How self-shaming = self-alienation

46:42 – 49:02: Toxic shame as the core of codependency

49:02 – 52:18: Toxic shame as related to BPD or ‘borderline personality disorder’ 

52:18 – 59:19: The role of toxic shame in addiction 

59:19 – 01:10:11: How are guilt and toxic shame related? 

PREMIUM | 01:10:19 – 01:37:32: My Stupid Walk for My Stupid Mental Health – “Out of My Head and Into My Body”

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What is this sneaky yet destructive thing called toxic shame, and could it be the root cause of our continued suffering and emotional dysregulation? Toxic shame lies at the heart of most self-sabotaging behaviors that keep us feeling empty, unfulfilled, and disconnected from others. Signs of internalized toxic shame can manifest in various ways and differ from person to person. Persistent feelings of unworthiness, negative self-talk, perfectionism, fear of vulnerability and intimacy, difficulty setting boundaries, chronic self-consciousness, avoidant behaviors, negative body image, and emotional instability can all be indicators of toxic shame. This is part one in a multi-episode series aimed at helping you alchemize and transmute your toxic shame. Check out the time-stamps below for a more detailed description of the topics covered.

TIME STAMPS

00:00 – 13:48: How mythical interpretations of journeys “into the underworld” can help us understand the process of alchemizing toxic shame

13:48 – 17:56: Shame as myth and allegory

17:56 – 32:50: How toxic shame impacts our sense of Self

32:50 – 37:23: Can shame be healthy?

37:23 – 49:04: When do we develop a sense of shame in childhood? (Psychosocial stage 2)

49:04 – 52:16: Shame as embarrassment

52:16 – 55:21: Shame as shyness

52:21 – 59:12: Shame and community

59:12 – 01:03:07: Shame as a spark for creativity

01:03:07 – 01:05:31: How shame is viewed from a spiritual perspective

01:05:31 – 01:13:23: What happens if we don’t develop a sense of healthy shame? (Shamelessness and its impact on our lives)

01:13:23 – 01:49:10 – Control as a trauma response (how chronic trauma can lead to controlling or caretaking behaviors)

01:49:10 – 01:56:15: Heart opening + shame reduction mantras / affirmations

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this transformative episode, we go beyond understanding the mother and father wounds to explore how we can actually heal from them. With insights from Eastern spirituality and grounded practices, this episode provides a blueprint for addressing the lingering impact of parental wounds, empowering you to cultivate a deeply rooted sense of self, peace, and inner resilience. If you’ve ever wondered how to truly heal from the past and reclaim the parts of yourself that felt lost, this episode is a powerful place to start. We begin with an exploration of "family constellations therapy," unearthing the hidden patterns we inherit and untangling what Eastern philosophy calls samskaras—the karmic knots that keep us bound to past wounds.

Episode Highlights:

• 00:00 – 12:00 | Intro + reflections on mother and father wounds: listener insights and the groundwork for self-healing
• 14:17 – 21:00 | Family Constellations Therapy: Seeing how ancestral and family patterns influence us in subtle, powerful ways
• 21:07 – 32:36 | Karmic knots and samskaras: How our emotional pain can transcend generations, and how to begin releasing it
• 32:26 – 42:55 | Buddhist philosophy and mindfulness as tools for healing parental wounds: slowing down, observing, and finding freedom
• 42:55 – 50:48 | Making healing a yogic practice: turning inner work into a sacred journey of integration and self-compassion
• 50:48 – 55:17 | Hidden roadblocks: Misunderstandings that may be keeping you stuck in cycles of self-blame or resentment
• 55:17 – 59:24 | The Four Core Functions of Parenting: Nurturing, Protection, Empowerment, and Initiation
• 59:15 – 01:02:07 | Mother and Father as Nurturer: Learning to nurture yourself and provide what was once missing
• 01:02:07 – 01:07:24 | Mother and Father as Protector: Cultivating a safe, strong inner space where you can truly rest and trust yourself
• 01:07:24 – 01:17:22 | Mother and Father as Empowerer: Finding strength to claim your voice, pursue your goals, and live authentically
• 01:17:22 – 01:28:11 | Mother and Father as Initiator: Awakening your sense of purpose and meaning, and moving into a life of self-leadership

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

- Connected Fates, Separate Destinies: Using Family Constellations Therapy to Recover from Inherited Stories and Trauma by Marine Sélénée

- The Wounded Woman: Healing the Father-Daughter Relationship by Linda Schierse Leonard

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

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In this deep-dive episode, we unravel the complex and often misunderstood concept of "daddy issues"—a term that has been trivialized and sensationalized in popular culture. But beneath the stereotypes lies a significant psychological impact that can shape a person’s life in profound ways. Whether we label it as the "father wound" or simply recognize it as the lingering effects of a strained or absent father figure, these unresolved issues can ripple into our adult relationships, self-worth, and emotional resilience.

Together, we explore the father wound beyond the clichés, examining how it manifests in both men and women, its roots in societal expectations, and its distinct differences from the mother wound. From "father hunger" and feelings of abandonment to the ways cultural stereotypes keep men and women alike stuck in cycles of pain, this episode offers both insight and practical guidance on how to start the healing journey. Through storytelling, poetry, and guided introspection, this episode provides tools to understand and begin addressing the father wound—an important step towards self-compassion, healthier relationships, and emotional freedom. 

TIME STAMPS

00:00 – 04:05: Intro + reflections (why explore the father wound?)

04:00 – 17:54: What is the father wound?

17:58 – 21:25: How it feels to struggle with an unhealed father complex (poem snippet by Marcus Lee)

21:25 – 24:10: High-level description of the father wound and how it presents

24:10 – 31:20: Father hunger, father absence, father deficit

31:20 – 43:19: The impact the unhealed father wound has on well-being and relationships and how it contributes to the cycle of abuse

43:19 – 01:00:44: How the father wound manifests in our daily lives as adult children

01:00:44 – 01:08:30: What is the difference between the mother and father wounds?

01:08:30 – 01:11:32: How societal expectations and cultural stereotypes keep men stuck in the father wound

01:11:42 – 01:20:09: Masculine expressions of an unhealed father wound

01:20:09 – 01:34:54: Feminine expressions of an unhealed father wound

01:34:55 – 01:42:47: Is the Industrial Revolution to blame for the father wound? (spoiler alert: it’s complicated)

01:42:47 – 01:48:30: Psychology of the Father Archetype

01:48:30 – 01:55:44: Fathers in mythology and symbolism (exploring our need for heroes and villains)

01:55:44 – Practical suggestions and techniques for father wound healing

02:08:46 –02:17:48: HEALING SEGMENT - Getting into the meditative state

02:17:48 – 02:37:18: Father wound healing visualization exercise (inspired by the work of Virginia Satir)

02:37:18 – 02:52:48: Final reflections, where Mollie is at in her current healing journey, additional thoughts + recommendations regarding the father wound

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, we journey into the raw and often hidden layers of the "Mother Wound." This is more than a psychological concept; it’s an emotional inheritance of unresolved pain, abandonment, and unfulfilled needs that many of us carry from our childhood into adulthood, shaping our relationships, self-worth, and the way we view the world. If you've ever felt that lingering ache from unmet maternal love, or if you’ve struggled to break free from self-sabotaging patterns rooted in early wounds, this episode is for you.

Starting with a grounded exploration of the Mother Wound, we look at how these core wounds can manifest, ways to recognize their impact on your daily life, and how to begin the healing journey. We draw on insights from Bethany Webster, philosopher Alan Watts, and ancient myth to illuminate how generational pain influences us and, most importantly, how we can reclaim our wholeness. From guided visualizations and re-parenting exercises to the archetypal power of the Divine Mother, this episode is a space to start releasing what no longer serves you and to reconnect with your authentic self.

Time-Stamps and Episode Highlights:

Part 1 - What is the Mother Wound?

• 02:00 – 10:17: Introduction to the Mother Wound
• 10:23 – 54:49: In-depth exploration of how the Mother Wound manifests in our lives and relationships

Part 2 - Healing Through Age Regression and Re-Parenting Tasks

• 54:51 – 58:40: Preparing for guided healing exercises and visualizations
• 59:00 – 1:09:20: Meditative connection to the Mother Wound, inspired by the words of Alan Watts
• 1:09:21 – 1:13:40: Re-parenting practices to nurture your inner child
• 1:13:45 – 1:29:07: Inner infant age regression: reconnecting to early unmet needs

Part 3 - Embracing the Divine Mother in Myth and Mysticism

• 01:29:13 – 01:33:03: The story of Demeter and Persephone and the archetype of the nurturing mother
• 01:33:05 – 1:58:08: Healing the Mother Wound through myth, archetypes, and the subconscious: reframing the hero’s journey as a path to self-acceptance and wholeness

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

★ https://www.bethanywebster.com/ [download her free mother wound healing pdf]

★Article: “You are more myth than science” by Dr. Mia Hetenyi

★ Book: Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child by john bradshaw

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.