Back from the Borderline

I received two listener emails this week that ripped my heart open. One was struggling with addiction, and the other was devastated by a recent heartbreak. These voicemails reminded me of why I started my podcast in the first place, so I decided to record this episode. It is a love letter to the person at rock bottom. The person who is so heartbroken, they feel like they can’t go on—the person questioning if they even want to be on this earth anymore. Through the words of authors who have inspired me and gotten me through my own dark times, it is my hope that this episode can be a light in the darkness. If it inspires just one person to keep fighting, it will have all been worth it.

Authors quoted in the episode:

■ In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction by Gabor Maté

■ The Hero's Journey: Joseph Campbell on His Life & Work by Joseph Campbell

■ Ether: Into the Nemesis by L.J. Vanier

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The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

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Navigating relationships with someone who identifies with BPD traits can be challenging, but meaningful connection is absolutely possible with understanding and patience. Splitting episodes, black-and-white thinking, and intense emotional experiences can make intimacy complex, but the idea that individuals with these traits are “toxic” or “incapable of love” couldn’t be further from the truth. While trauma and emotional sensitivity can present hurdles, relationships rooted in self-awareness, empathy, and open communication can thrive. In this episode, I share insights and tools designed to help both individuals identifying with BPD traits and their loved ones build stronger, healthier connections. I wish I’d had resources like this at the start of my own recovery journey—something to share with my partner and family to help them understand what I was going through. If you’ve ever struggled to put your experiences into words, this episode may serve as a supportive bridge for you and those closest to you.

In this conversation, we explore:

• How childhood trauma can shape emotional responses, creating a heightened sensitivity to rejection
• Recognizing triggers and the importance of validation (focusing less on “why” and more on creating a sense of safety)
• Using “behavior chain analysis” from DBT to access a balanced, “wise mind” perspective
• Developing “crisis plans” and identifying vulnerabilities to help prevent episodes
• Understanding the role of the “inner critic” and the impact of shame and self-judgment
• How family and loved ones can play a supportive role in treatment and recovery

Whether you’re on your own healing journey or seeking ways to better understand someone you love, this episode offers tools and perspectives to foster deeper empathy and connection.

Recommended resources: 

■ Supporting Loved One with BPD: Quickstart Guide (full YouTube video by clinical psychotherapist Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes)

■ Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes’ website: https://www.docsnipes.com/

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

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In this laid-back episode, I respond to listener voicemails and explore some of the intricate dynamics that shape our relationships and recovery journeys. We’ll dive into tough topics like trauma-bonded friendships, identifying signs of toxicity in our connections, and why diagnoses such as borderline personality disorder are more commonly applied to women than men.

We’ll discuss how to recognize trauma bonding and love bombing in friendships, and examine how patterns like intermittent reinforcement can create cycles of connection that are hard to break. Along the way, I’ll share some of the books that have been pivotal on my own healing path—insights and resources that may resonate with your journey as well.

Whether you’re reflecting on the health of a friendship, curious about the gendered aspects of mental health diagnoses, or simply looking for some thoughtful book recommendations, this episode offers a supportive space to explore these complex issues together.

Book recommendations:

■ What Happened To You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Bruce D Perry and Oprah Winfrey

■ Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor

■ Bringing Home the Dharma: Awakening Right Where You Are by Jack Kornfield and Daniel J. Siegel

■ Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience by Brene Brown

■ A Life of Meaning: Exploring Our Deepest Questions and Motivations by James Hollis

■ Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live by Martha Beck

■ Healing Collective Trauma: A Process for Integrating Our Intergenerational and Cultural Wounds by Thomas Hübel

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

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Do people who identify with symptoms of what is known as borderline personality disorder have a unique ability to connect to the transcendent? Are chronic feelings of emptiness less about being “disordered” and more about being spiritually starved? My guest on this episode, Dr. Lisa Miller, seems to think so. Lisa Miller has devoted her career to scientific research proving that spirituality is a natural aspect of our humanity and that our brains become more resilient and robust because of it. We are each born with an innate desire to question the world around us in search of something more.

A leading generational psychologist on the benefits of spirituality, Lisa graduated from Yale University and the University of Pennsylvania, earning her doctorate in psychology. She is currently a professor of psychology and education at Teachers College, Columbia University, and the Founder and Director of the Spirituality Mind Body Institute, the first Ivy League graduate program and research institute in spirituality and psychology. In her book The Awakened Brain, Dr. Miller uses science to show that spirituality (different from religious belief) is one of the strongest protective factors against psychological suffering. Her research clearly shows that our physiological development presents us with occasional moments of crisis at certain times in our lives. When we meet those moments of crisis and trauma from a spiritual perspective, we are more protected against psychological suffering in later life stages. Dr. Miller believes that healing from trauma requires bringing greater awareness to the signs and lessons that the universe has for us and bringing those lessons into the future without getting stuck in rumination over the past.

Questions answered in this episode:

■ The unexpected gifts inside the traits of borderline personality disorder (BPD / EUPD)

■ BPD and the importance of spirituality

■ Benefits of spirituality in recovery from trauma

■ How our current “me-centered” culture in the West (particularly in the US) is keeping us stuck – and sick

■ Lisa’s view on the future of mental health and personality disorder diagnoses

Recommended resources: Lisa’s website (where you can find links to her books and work) - https://www.lisamillerphd.com/ 

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

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I remember when I first stumbled upon BPD symptoms and found myself convinced they described my experience—I immediately went to Google, searching for a quiz to tell me if I “had it.” In today’s episode, we’ll go through one of these popular quizzes together, titled the “borderline personality disorder test” from PsychCentral, and take a closer look at what’s really going on behind these labels and online assessments.

We’ll unpack questions like:

• Why so many of us find ourselves Googling “do I have BPD quiz”
• Can an online quiz actually determine if someone “has” BPD?
• What’s the process of getting a formal BPD diagnosis, and what are the pros and cons of going down this path?
• Which licensed mental health professionals are actually qualified to diagnose BPD?
• Important questions to ask your therapist to see if they’re up-to-date on current research about personality and emotional dysregulation

This episode aims to pull back the curtain on what these labels and quizzes really mean, challenging the idea that a simple online test could ever capture the full complexity of our emotional lives. Tune in for a thought-provoking exploration of what it means to seek answers—and how to approach them with a healthy dose of skepticism.

Mentioned Resource: Borderline Personality Disorder Test (PsychCentral) 

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

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This episode brings all the “sitting down for coffee with your big sister” energy, as we dive into some of the most relatable struggles in mental health and relationships. We start with a look at social media’s impact on emotion dysregulation and why I’m currently on a digital detox. You’ll hear practical tips on cleansing your feeds to support mental clarity and manage emotional well-being without feeling the need to “split” from online spaces entirely.

We’ll also talk about how my views on BPD diagnosis have evolved. After years of navigating mental health systems, I’ve learned the importance of questioning labels and why it’s essential to get a second opinion when facing any psychiatric diagnosis. I’ll share what I’ve learned about finding the right therapist, including key questions to ask to ensure a good fit.

The conversation continues with advice on discussing mental health with family, particularly the sensitive topic of sharing a BPD diagnosis. We’ll explore how to approach these conversations with intention and honesty.

For anyone struggling in new relationships, I offer insights on handling the intense emotions that can arise, especially when it feels like the honeymoon phase crashes hard. We’ll look at “limerence” and its connection to emotional sensitivity, helping you understand why love can sometimes feel like an addiction and why some relationships might seem to follow a repeating pattern.

Recommended and mentioned resources: 

■ The Blindboy Podcast - Speaking to a Cyberpsychologist about the psychology of online behaviour

■ Article - "What is Limerence? 5 Signs You're Experiencing It (Not Love)"

■ Book - "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" by Kristin Neff

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

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This is the first in my “BPD Shorties” series where I tackle some of the most commonly asked questions about borderline personality disorder. Often, when someone first discovers that they identify with the symptoms of BPD or are struggling to come to terms with a new diagnosis, they find themselves wondering about the cause. It's only natural to wonder why we ended up experiencing these painful symptoms that can make us feel like life is nearly impossible to bear. In this mini-episode, I’ll attempt to tackle this extremely complex and nuanced question with some of the most up-to-date research and my own personal experience. 

Questions answered and topics discussed in this episode: 

■ What causes BPD? 

■ Does BPD develop or are you born with it? 

■ What kind of trauma causes development of BPD symptoms 

■ The various factors that contribute to BPD development (temperamental and environmental) 

■ The role trauma plays in BPD development (sexual abuse, physical, verbal and emotional abuse, neglect and bullying) 

Recommended resources: 

■ 2021 Frontiers in Psychiatry Article - The Role of Trauma in Early Onset Borderline Personality Disorder: A Biopsychosocial Perspective

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Disclaimer: information contained in this podcast episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

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In this episode, we take a closer look at comedian and actor Pete Davidson’s mental health journey, examining his openness about emotional struggles and trauma, and the journey that eventually led to his diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) in 2017. Known for his candidness, Pete has spoken about facing intense emotions, dissociation, explosive anger, depression, and challenges with substance use from a young age—experiences that have shaped both his personal life and public image. Through interviews and biographical pieces, we’ll explore how Pete’s story sheds light on the complexities of mental health and resilience in the spotlight.

Topics covered include:

• Pete’s early experiences with trauma and loss, including the death of his father
• His history with inpatient treatment and rehab, and his journey through recovery
• How mental health struggles have influenced his career, including his time on SNL
• Insights into his relationship history and how emotional challenges have impacted his personal life
• The role of social media in his life and his decision to step away from it
• His experiences with tattoos and tattoo removal as forms of self-expression

By analyzing Pete’s story, we’ll gain a broader perspective on the intersections of fame, mental health, and personal recovery, uncovering the resilience it takes to face these struggles openly. Join us for a reflective look at the ups and downs of Pete Davidson’s journey and the powerful message his story offers about mental health.

Recommended resources:

■ Pete Davidson’s full interview with Charlamagne Tha God (YouTube)

■ The Tragic Real-Life Story of Pete Davidson (Full Grunge Article)

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

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Marsha Linehan, creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), once compared people who struggle with emotion dysregulation to third-degree burn patients—those with no “emotional skin.” For these individuals, even the smallest emotional injury can lead to profound suffering. This is especially true during breakups. Losing the companionship of a “favorite person” (or FP) can feel devastating, leaving those with BPD, EUPD, cPTSD, ADHD, ASD, or other emotion-regulation challenges feeling as if the world has collapsed around them. In this episode, we explore why breakups feel so uniquely unbearable for those navigating life without this “emotional skin” and how to begin healing from the pain that follows. I’ll share insights and practical strategies for coping, along with a candid look at the ways emotion dysregulation can complicate relationships.

Topics we’ll cover include:

• Why breakups feel so devastating for people with intense emotional sensitivity
• How to manage the loss of a “favorite person” and start moving forward
• Understanding “breakup regret” and how to avoid self-sabotaging future relationships
• The possibility of healthy relationships for those who experience intense emotions
• Tools for building resilience and learning to manage symptoms without undermining connections

This episode offers a compassionate roadmap through the pain of loss, helping you find strength to rebuild and move forward, even when it feels impossible.

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

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Abandonment fear runs deep in the human psyche—it’s a primal instinct, woven into the fabric of how we connect with others. For some, this fear is manageable, an underlying hum that shapes relationships in subtle ways. But for those who struggle with emotion dysregulation, abandonment fear can feel overwhelming and consuming, creating patterns of self-protection that lead to isolation and confusion in relationships.

In this episode, we explore what it truly means to fear abandonment on a profound level. We’ll look at the difference between physical and emotional abandonment, how these fears develop, and the ways they can hijack our relationships if left unchecked. Many individuals who identify with certain mental health labels, such as borderline personality traits, often find that their most intense triggers stem from the terror of being left behind. Understanding this connection can be the first step toward breaking out of reactive, self-isolating cycles and finding healthier ways to relate to others.

Topics we’ll explore together include:

• The real, lived experience of abandonment fear, beyond clinical definitions
• Common symptoms and root causes of abandonment fear
• How this fear intertwines with BPD traits and emotional reactivity
• What triggers abandonment anxiety, and how it shows up in real-life scenarios

This episode offers a compassionate look at one of our most powerful fears and provides tools for navigating relationships in a way that fosters resilience and connection, rather than withdrawal. Join me as we unpack the layers of abandonment fear and explore ways to reclaim a sense of stability and self-trust.

Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.

The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.