Dear Midlife...

Befriending Your Inner Critic and Saving Your Self


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Have you ever been asked to go out to a club or dinner with a friend on a Friday night...and there was a part of you that wanted to go and a part of you that wanted to stay home? Sometimes on Friday night...we are so exhausted and just shut down, but then equally want to get out of the house! Both of us spend so much time working from home...that sometimes we can feel physically torn about staying home or going out.

Raise your hand if you feel the same way?! Today our guest, Maureen Clancy helps us understand that this is because that there are, in fact, different parts within us. These "parts" were created (typically in our younger years) to protect us from trauma because we didn't have the external support or tools to manage some situations which were too much, too fast, too soon or too long.

And, sometimes these parts rule our lives and don't realize that we are now grown and capable women. When our survival response gets triggered, they can continue to try to protect us when our, sometimes to our detriment. Ladies...these "parts" or old narratives that you used in childhood to protect you no longer serve you in adulthood and could be the VERY things holding you back from living a life you love! What is your inner critic saying to you?

Maureen Clancy is a licensed therapist, group therapy practice owner, and trauma expert who, for the past 21 years, has been helping women who’ve experienced childhood trauma heal the past and fully embody the present.

She’s the creator of the Gate Passages Framework, a structured, bottom-up approach to healing trauma. She’s certified in a variety of healing modalities and in this episode, we spend time discussing Internal Family Systems, and her practice of combining therapy with Reiki, Tarot, and flower essences to heal the energetic body.

She’s presented on trauma and self-care at Rutgers University Graduate School of Social Work and Limerick Institute of Technology School of Social Care (County Clare, Ireland).

This episode is soo juicy as Trinity comes to a fascinating realization about herself. And in this space, perhaps this recognition is the first step to her own healing journey.

In this episode Maureen teaches us to: 

  1. Recognize where we are in our "survival" response, which includes not only the (traditional) fight, flight or freeze...but, also fawn (I will survive if I make sure you're ok), collapse (there's nothing I can do here so I'm just going to exist), submit (I'm giving in and waiting for this to get over with) and cry for help. These were developed early in life as your strategy to help you survive (The "fawn" really resonated with Trinity)
  2. Understand the definition of trauma or that which is too much, too fast, too soon or too long, and how we've adapted to navigate it by developing different parts of ourselves to protect us from certain situations.
  3. Recognize the different "parts" within ourselves that try to protect us, in addition to our current, adult "Self".  As we grow into adulthood, our parts continue to try to protect us, holding us back, even though we may no longer need protection. Today, we learn to show compassion to those parts, thank them for their "service" and reassure them we are grown and capable now.
  4. Acknowledge when our nervous system is disregulated and we're in hyper or hypoarrousal. In this state, access to our prefrontal cortex is inhibited. Move your body to help up-regulate you and pull you out of hyper or hypoarrousal. Take a walk, dance in your kitchen, do some yoga...this helps regulate your nervous system.
  5. Leverage a bottom-up approach (vs. top down) to healing trauma. Using your senses, such as smelling essential oils, and moving your body will open space to connect to our parts, while also turning off the survival response.

You can find more of Maureen at:

Website | maureen-clancy.com

IG | @themaureenclancy

TikTok | @maureen.clancy

And we'd love YOU to join us on this journey as well! Leave us a review. Tell us about your inner critic (another one of our damn parts that we all have!). What's her name? What does she say to you that holds you back?

Make sure we're connected: FB | Dear Midlife and IG | @DearMidlife

 

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Dear Midlife...By Shelby Bybee and Trinity Greenfield

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