The Myth of Time Healing: Contrary to popular belief, time alone does not heal betrayal wounds. Assessment responses reveal people still struggling 15, 35, even 40+ years after their betrayal, with statements like "feels like it happened yesterday" and "I'll never trust again."

The Critical Difference: Betrayal recovery requires deliberate, intentional healing—you can't count on time or a new relationship to fix it.

The Problem with Traditional Approaches

Wrong Tools at the Wrong Stage: Even excellent therapeutic tools can backfire when applied at the inappropriate stage of recovery:

• Stage 2 (Shock & Trauma): Clients need nervous system regulation, not gratitude exercises or trust-building

• Stage 4 (Rebuilding): Clients may not need the same interventions that worked in earlier stages

Why Coaches Struggle: Practitioners often dread seeing betrayal clients because their proven methods aren't working—but it's not the tools, it's the timing. Someone who's been betrayed isn't starting at the same place as other clients.

The Waitlist Initiative

A new waitlist has been created to connect people struggling with betrayal to properly certified coaches and practitioners. The response has been overwhelming, with heartbreaking stories of:

• PTSD symptoms 30 years post-betrayal

• Closed-off relationships due to family betrayals from decades ago

• Lives that "haven't been the same since"

Understanding the Stages

Stage 2: Shock and trauma—nervous system completely dysregulated

Stage 3: Survival mode—functional but flat, no joy. This is where most people get stuck because:

• It feels better than the chaos of Stage 2

• It's the "familiar known"

• Fear of the shakeup change would create

• Intentionally ignoring intuition due to lack of bandwidth

The Stage 2-3 Loop: Many people bounce between shock/trauma and survival, like being thrown down a ravine, climbing up, then being thrown down again.

Stage 4 & 5: Hopeful, growth-oriented, forward-moving—but most people don't even know these stages exist.

Why People Stay Stuck

• Lack of awareness: They don't know Stage 4 and 5 exist

• Familiar vs. good: We choose the familiar known over the unfamiliar unknown, even when it's not serving us

• Fear of disruption: New boundaries and standing up for yourself creates a shakeup

• Bandwidth concerns: Mental, emotional, physical, or financial limitations

• Comparison trap: Stage 3 seems "good enough" compared to Stage 2

The Cost of Staying Stuck

Post Betrayal Syndrome symptoms persist when you ignore your intuition and stay in Stage 3:

• Physical illnesses and conditions

• Mental and emotional symptoms

• Your body communicates through its weakest link

• Over 100,000 people tested show consistent symptom patterns

The Reframe

The Weight Loss Analogy: Two friends, both 30 pounds overweight and "fine." One loses the weight and transforms—feels amazing, confident, energized. The other declines help, saying "I'm okay."

The Truth: If you knew for even a minute what Stage 5 felt like, you wouldn't waste another minute in Stage 3.

The Path Forward

Healing requires moving through all five stages with the right support and tools applied at the right time. The goal of the PBT Institute certification program is to get the Five Stages framework into as many qualified hands as possible—because it's not about one person, it's about every certified practitioner reaching everyone in their sphere.

Most Common Betrayal Types

From the waitlist responses:

1. Family betrayal

1. Partner betrayal

Note: Early, unhealed betrayals (often in childhood or early relationships) frequently underlie later betrayal experiences—it's often not where you think it started.

Bottom Line: Just because something is familiar doesn't mean it's good. There's something so much better waiting in Stages 4 and 5—but you have to move through the process deliberately and intentionally to get there.

Resources: Join the waitlist: https://thepbtinstitute.com/waitlist/ Grab the book and bonuses: https://thepbtinstitute.com/unstuck/

If you've done the therapy, read the books, and tried everything to move on from betrayal—but you're STILL not okay—this episode explains why.

Dr. Debi reveals what Post Betrayal Syndrome® (PBS®) is, why conventional support often falls short, and what betrayal-informed care actually looks like. You'll learn why your body won't let go, why your mind won't quiet, and why the healing path requires specialized support.

This isn't about trying harder. It's about getting the right kind of help.

IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN:

What Post Betrayal Syndrome Really Is

• The physical symptoms: exhaustion, digestive issues, immune dysfunction, unexplained pain

• The mental symptoms: brain fog, obsessive thoughts, decision paralysis, hypervigilance

• The emotional symptoms: numbness, endless grief, anger that won't leave, inability to trust

• The identity impact: not recognizing yourself, questioning your judgment, feeling fundamentally broken

Why Conventional Support Hasn't Worked

• Why therapy alone often isn't enough for betrayal recovery

• Why self-help books skip essential stages of healing

• Why wellness protocols don't resolve symptoms when betrayal is the root cause

• Why coaching strategies hit an invisible barrier

• The training gap: what most practitioners weren't taught

What Betrayal Does to Your Body

• How betrayal creates a nervous system paradox that keeps you stuck in hypervigilance

• Why your immune system dysregulates (and the autoimmune connection)

• The gut-brain-betrayal axis: why digestive issues start after betrayal

• How your entire endocrine system becomes depleted

• Why conventional medicine treats these as separate issues when they're all connected

The Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough

• Stage 1: This isn't happening (shock and denial)

• Stage 2: What happened? (making sense of shattered reality)

• Stage 3: The need for control (hypervigilance and trust issues)

• Stage 4: Finding a new normal (rebuilding identity and boundaries)

• Stage 5: Healing and rebirth (complete transformation)

• Why you can't skip stages—and what happens when you try

What Betrayal-Informed Support Actually Looks Like

• Why betrayal is different from general trauma

• What practitioners miss when they aren't betrayal-trained

• The difference between coping, managing, and actually healing

• How to recognize if support is truly betrayal-informed

• Why demand for this support currently exceeds availability

KEY QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE:

"You're not stuck because you're broken. You're stuck because you haven't had access to the right kind of support."

"Your body isn't broken. Your body is responding exactly as it should to betrayal."

"It's not that you hired the wrong people. It's not that you didn't try hard enough. It's that betrayal requires betrayal-specific support."

"With betrayal, the threat came from someone you trusted. Someone your nervous system believed was safe. That creates a paradox your nervous system can't resolve."

"You can't skip stages. You can't rush them. And you need support that understands which stage you're in and what you need at that stage."

"Most practitioners weren't trained in this—not because they're behind, but because it wasn't included in most certifications."

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Looking for Betrayal-Informed Support? Join the waitlist to be notified when certified PBT practitioners become available in your area or specialty: 👉 thepbtinstitute.com/waitlist

Connect with Dr. Debi: Instagram: @debisilber LinkedIn: Dr. Debi Silber TikTok: @debisilber Website: thepbtinstitute.com

ABOUT POST BETRAYAL SYNDROME:

Post Betrayal Syndrome (PBS) is a collection of predictable physical, mental, and emotional symptoms that occur after betrayal. Discovered through Dr. Debi's PhD research, PBS impacts the body, mind, identity, and worldview in specific ways that require specialized support to heal.

Most practitioners weren't trained to recognize or treat Post Betrayal Syndrome—not because they're inadequate, but because this syndrome wasn't included in traditional certifications.

NEXT STEPS:

If you're experiencing Post Betrayal Syndrome:

• Stop blaming yourself—this is a real syndrome with a real path out

• Recognize that conventional support may be incomplete (not wrong, just incomplete)

• Join the waitlist for access to betrayal-informed practitioners

• Share this episode with someone who needs to understand why they're stuck

If you're a practitioner:

• If you're recognizing these patterns in your clients, you're seeing what we're documenting at scale

• Most certifications don't include betrayal-specific training—this is the gap

• Learn more about betrayal-informed certification at thepbtinstitute.com

SHARE THIS EPISODE:

Know someone who's stuck after betrayal and doesn't understand why? Share this episode with them.

The more we talk specifically about betrayal (not just general trauma), the more people can access the support they actually need.

SUBSCRIBE:

Don't miss future episodes on Post Betrayal Syndrome, the body-betrayal connection, and what proper healing looks like.

Subscribe on:

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ABOUT DR. DEBI SILBER:

Dr. Debi Silber is the founder of The PBT® (Post Betrayal Transformation®) Institute and holds a PhD in transpersonal psychology. Her research identified Post Betrayal Syndrome® and the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough™ framework.

As a two-time TEDx speaker, bestselling author, and host of the globally-ranked podcast "From Betrayal to Breakthrough," Dr. Debi has helped thousands understand why they're stuck after betrayal—and what actually needs to happen to heal.

Do you have clients you just can't seem to reach—even though your tools work brilliantly with others? This episode reveals why traditional coaching methods often fall short with certain clients and what's really happening beneath the surface.

The Clients You Can't Reach

The Cycler Makes progress for weeks, then suddenly spirals back as if none of the work happened. You're building a foundation on quicksand.

The "Fine" Client Goes to work, takes care of responsibilities, shows up with a smile. They say they're okay—might even believe it—but you sense a flatness, a wall you can't get past.

The Body That Won't Heal Chronic fatigue, digestive issues, brain fog, insomnia, mystery pains their doctor can't explain. Stress management isn't helping because the body is holding something the mind can't release.

The Chronic Second-Guesser Can't make any decision—career moves, purchases, even what to eat for lunch. They've lost access to their inner knowing, and no amount of "trust yourself" coaching restores it.

The Analyzer Stuck obsessively revisiting the story, looking for new angles and insights. You've tried guiding them toward the future, but they can't leave the scene of the crime.

What's Really Happening: Unhealed Betrayal

These patterns all point to unhealed betrayal and Post Betrayal Syndrome®—a collection of physical, mental, and emotional symptoms so common to betrayal it's now formally recognized.

The Trust Shattering Effect:

• Betrayal doesn't just break trust in others—it shatters trust in your own mind, judgment, and sense of reality

• Clients can't trust their own thinking: "I believed this was what trust looked like, and I was completely wrong"

• Without rebuilding self-trust first, they outsource their entire lives

Why "Fine" Isn't Finished: Stage Three of the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough™ is where clients feel functional again—but transformation doesn't even begin until Stages Four and Five. Clients at "fine" are managing symptoms, building walls, and missing the actual breakthrough.

The Gap in Traditional Training

You're not failing your clients—you were never trained for this. Even the right tool at the wrong stage won't land.

Common Mismatches:

• Pushing someone to trust others before they've rebuilt self-trust

• Creating a new identity when they're still in shock and trauma

• Accepting "I'm fine" at face value when they're only halfway through

• Using general trust-building when they need the specific components rebuilt

The Real Problem (And Solution)

When you don't know the Five Stages, you can't identify:

• What stage your client is in

• What language they're using

• What they actually need right now

• How to move them forward efficiently and correctly

Each stage has:

• Specific phrasing clients use

• Particular presentations and behaviors

• Unique needs and readiness levels

• Precise tools and approaches that work

Who This Serves

Whether you're a business coach, health coach, somatic practitioner, or any type of coach—betrayal-affected clients are coming your way. These tools work as:

• A specialty focus if you want to work primarily with this population

• Essential additions to your toolkit for when betrayal clients appear

• The missing piece that lets you serve all your clients effectively

Key Takeaways

1. It's not your fault—this training wasn't available

1. It's not your client's fault—they're not being resistant, they're starting from a different place

1. Your tools are good; they just need to match the stage

1. The gap is closing—now you can learn exactly what to do

Learn More: The PBT Certification Program teaches you to identify stages, use stage-appropriate language, and guide clients from betrayal to breakthrough with confidence.

Visit: ThePBTInstitute.com

Episode Overview

If you've been struggling with betrayal for a long time despite trying multiple healing approaches, this episode reveals why well-meaning practitioners and proven methodologies often miss the mark when it comes to betrayal-specific recovery.

Key Topics Covered

Why Life Coaching Isn't Enough

• Life coaching excels at goal setting, accountability, and mindset shifts

• Works beautifully for career advancement, relationship improvement, and business growth

• Falls short for betrayal survivors because you're not starting from the same place

• When betrayed, your reality is shattered and your nervous system is in crisis

The Therapy Gap

• Traditional therapy covers diagnostic criteria, CBT, trauma treatment, and mental health conditions

• Post Betrayal Syndrome® isn't in the DSM yet, so therapists don't know to look for it

• Over 100,000 people have taken the Post Betrayal Syndrome assessment with staggering symptom statistics

• Physical, mental, and emotional symptoms like brain fog, anxiety, hypervigilance, sleep and gut issues all share one underlying cause

The Trust Rebuilding Misconception

• Relationship coaches often focus solely on rebuilding trust with the betrayer

• Multiple aspects of trust are shattered: trust in yourself, others, your intuition, and your judgment

• Rebuilding trust with your partner is actually the last piece, not the first

Why Other Modalities Fall Short

• Trauma-informed training: Doesn't differentiate betrayal from other traumas

• Somatic training: Critical for nervous system regulation but doesn't address the complete framework

• Attachment training: Valuable for relationship patterns but doesn't address identity shattering

• Grief counseling: Helpful but betrayal involves grief PLUS reality disruption, identity crisis, and complete trust shattering

The Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough™

• General trauma treatment doesn't account for betrayal-specific stages

• Someone in Stage 2 presents very differently than someone in Stage 3, 4, or 5

• Understanding the stages reveals why certain responses occur and what's needed to progress

The Timing Problem

• Right tools at the wrong time backfire

• Stage 2 (shock/trauma) clients aren't ready for accountability structures

• Stage 4 clients don't need basic nervous system regulation anymore

• Proper healing requires the right modalities at the right stage

The Stage 3 Trap

What a Stage 3 Life Looks Like:

• Surviving but not thriving

• Managing and suppressing Post Betrayal Syndrome symptoms

• Keeping people at bay out of fear

• Building a safe but flat life

• 67% of betrayed individuals prevent forming deep relationships to avoid being hurt again

• 84% have an inability to trust again (out of 100,000+ studied)

The Ripple Effects:

• Limited depth in relationships

• Challenges with workplace collaborations and partnerships

• Inability to trust yourself, your judgment, or your perception of reality

• Attracting more of the same situations

• Making decisions from Stage 3 thinking versus Stage 4 or 5 thinking

The Solution

Why Specialized Betrayal Training Matters:

• All aspects need rebuilding: physical, mental, emotional, psychological, and spiritual

• Requires a proven roadmap through all five stages

• Not just talk therapy, not just somatic work, not just goal setting—all of it together at the right time

Updated PBT Certification:

• Newly revised certification modules

• New exam, experiential exercises, forms, and worksheets

• Designed to help clients identify their current stage and move to the next one

• Makes it easier to work with clients using stage-specific tools

Key Statistics

• Over 100,000 people have taken the Post Betrayal Syndrome assessment

• 67% prevent forming deep relationships due to fear of being hurt again

• 84% report an inability to trust again

The Bottom Line

There's no reason to stay stuck in Stage 3. People need to get back to their lives, their work, their kids, families, and friends in the way they can only do when they heal. The roadmap exists—it's the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough™.

Resources Mentioned:

• Post Betrayal Syndrome® Assessment

• PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Certification: https://thepbtinstitute.com/get-certified/

• The Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough™: https://thepbtinstitute.com

For Practitioners: The more coaches, practitioners, and healers who become certified in this methodology, the more people can access the specialized help they need for betrayal recovery.

Discover why traditional therapy, life coaching, and healing methods fall short for betrayal recovery. Learn about Post Betrayal Syndrome®, the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough™, and why specialized betrayal training is essential for true healing and transformation.

Colette Jane Fehr a marriage counselor, EMDR therapist, and author of "The Cost of Quiet." With over two decades of experience helping individuals and couples navigate relationship challenges, Colette specializes in teaching people how to communicate vulnerably and assertively in their most important relationships.

Episode Overview

In this powerful conversation, Dr. Debi Silber sits down with therapist and author Colette Fehr to explore why speaking up in relationships is essential for healing, growth, and genuine connection—especially after betrayal. Colette shares her personal journey from childhood trauma to relationship betrayal, and how these experiences shaped her understanding of healthy communication and the devastating cost of staying quiet.

Key Topics Discussed

The Origins of Conflict Avoidance

• How childhood experiences with parental conflict shape our relationship patterns

• The difference between destructive conflict (screaming, fighting) and constructive conflict (honest, vulnerable communication)

• Why some people mistake silence and "keeping the peace" for relationship health

• The concept of parentification and how it impacts adult relationships

Understanding "The Cost of Quiet"

• Quiet as a euphemism for conflict avoidance

• Different forms of conflict avoidance that people don't recognize:

• Self-silencing and sweeping things under the rug

• Criticism disguised as "expressing feelings"

• Bickering about surface issues instead of deeper needs

• Why avoiding vulnerability doesn't actually protect you from pain

The Four Bad Communication Report Card Responses (The Four D's and an F)

1. Dismissiveness - "It's no big deal, why are you so upset?"

1. Defensiveness - Getting reactive instead of receptive

1. Distancing - Shutting down, stonewalling, pulling away

1. Fixing - Problem-solving instead of listening and connecting

Vulnerability as Strength

• Why vulnerability is actually the strongest choice you can make

• How to build the courage to be vulnerable after betrayal

• Connecting with your inner child before difficult conversations

• The only way through fear is action—building the vulnerability muscle

Self-Connected Communication

• The importance of I-statements over you-statements

• Connecting to deeper emotional needs beyond surface complaints

• Speaking from your "core sage self" (wise, loving adult) rather than reactive parts

• The distinction between being nice (self-abandoning) and being kind (self-honoring)

When to Speak Up

• Why waiting longer than 24 hours allows resentment to grow

• Common excuses that keep us from addressing issues (wrong time, they're tired, etc.)

• Most conversations don't need to be long—short, clear, vulnerable statements work best

• You can't control your partner's response, but you can control showing up for yourself

Building the Assertiveness Muscle

• Why successful women often struggle with assertiveness in intimate relationships

• Starting small with low-stakes vulnerable moments

• The confidence boost that comes from speaking your truth

• How assertiveness differs from aggressiveness

The Meta-Conversation Strategy When your partner repeatedly responds poorly to vulnerability: "I notice that I try to bring up things and share my feelings. I'm taking great effort to say things in a way that's tactful and diplomatic, but honest, and it seems like when I do, I get a defensive or dismissive response. I don't really know where to go from here. Have you noticed that? What's going on with you? Are you willing to work on this with me?"

Signs It's Working

• Reduction in fear when bringing up difficult topics

• Growing confidence in expressing yourself

• Your partner responding with openness rather than defensiveness

• Feeling closer and more connected after vulnerable conversations

• Even if they don't respond well—you're getting information faster and can make empowered choices

After Betrayal: Special Considerations

• Why vulnerability feels especially terrifying after intimate partner betrayal

• The connection to Stage 3 of the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough (doing the same thing expecting different results)

• How moving into Stages 4 and 5 requires having uncomfortable conversations

• Being vulnerable doesn't guarantee you won't get hurt, but not being vulnerable guarantees disconnection

• Vulnerability helps you discover more quickly what a relationship will or won't give you

Powerful Quotes from the Episode

"Being in a relationship is inherently unsafe. It is a risk. But if you're willing to be vulnerable, you're going to find out more quickly what a relationship will and will not give you, and you can make choices that empower and serve your needs."

"It's actually not about the coffee cup. It's about the fact that lately I feel like I'm communicating with you and you're not hearing me, and that makes me feel inside—my vulnerable part feels like I'm not important to you."

"You've got to speak up no matter what. I don't care how you were raised, what part of the country, what your personality was, who your partner is. This is something you do for you."

"Vulnerability is strength, but it is very, very scary. We could be rejected or abandoned. But the only way through fear is by doing—action in the face of fear is what develops the muscle."

"If your partner is repeatedly not listening, being dismissive, being defensive, then maybe that tells you something about, 'Do I want to invest in this relationship?' But if you're not being vulnerable and clear, then you're contributing to what's not working."

"The point of feelings, the point of emotion, is that they're information processing signals that point us to our needs."

"If you're going to bother to try to improve this relationship, we can't have anything better based on just fear of even speaking up."

Colette's Personal Journey

Childhood Experience:

• Idyllic childhood until age 10 when parents' marriage began deteriorating

• Parents (lawyer mother, doctor father) engaged in epic daily fighting

• Dealt with parental infidelity and eventual divorce

• Became parentified—taking on emotional mediator role inappropriate for her age

• Made meaning that she had to rely on herself because adults couldn't care for her properly

• Rebelled against Catholic school environment as a way of coping

First Marriage:

• Married someone from a conflict-avoidant Southern family

• Partner was emotionally unavailable and disconnected

• When she tried to express feelings, received dismissive, defensive, or distancing responses

• Learned to silence herself to "keep the peace"

• Marriage failed after having children, leading her to return to graduate school

Path to Her Work:

• Bad experience in marriage counseling inspired her to become a marriage counselor

• Spent 11 years between marriages dating and experiencing significant betrayals

• Been cheated on by two partners in ways that "gutted" her

• Now in second marriage of 9 years (together 12 years)

• Uses EMDR therapy in her practice

• Wrote "The Cost of Quiet" to provide a preventative roadmap for others

Practical Takeaways

1. Connect with your inner child before vulnerable conversations - Acknowledge the fear, reassure yourself you've got your own back no matter the outcome

1. Use the template for vulnerable communication:

• Start small with low-stakes topics

• Use I-statements, not you-statements

• Speak to deeper needs, not just surface complaints

• Be specific about what you need

1. Address issues within 24 hours - Don't let resentment build by waiting for the "perfect time"

1. Watch for your own conflict avoidance patterns:

• Are you criticizing instead of being vulnerable?

• Are you bickering about surface issues?

• Are you staying silent to keep the peace?

1. Remember: Vulnerability invites vulnerability - When you show up authentically, you often get authenticity back

1. Let go of trying to control your partner's response - You can't manage how they'll react, but you can show up for yourself

1. Apply this skill everywhere - Practice assertive, vulnerable communication in all relationships, not just romantic ones

Resources

Connect with Colette Fehr:

• Website: ColetteFehr.com

• Instagram: @ColetteJaneFehr

• TikTok: @ColetteJaneFehr

• Book: "The Cost of Quiet" (available on her website and wherever books are sold)

• Podcasts:

• "Insights from the Couch" (for women at midlife)

• "Love Thy Neighbor" (all about relationships)

For Post Betrayal Syndrome® Recovery:

• Learn more about the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough™

• Visit The PBT Institute for resources on healing from betrayal and becoming a Certified PBT Coach or Practitioner

Episode Themes

#Communication #VulnerabilityIsStrength #BetrayalRecovery #HealthyRelationships #ConflictResolution #EmotionalIntelligence #Assertiveness #InnerChildWork #RelationshipHealing #SelfAdvocacy #TheCostOfQuiet

In this episode, Dr. Debi explores two fundamental aspects of healing from betrayal that don't get enough attention: worthiness and self-compassion. She reveals how early conditioning shapes our sense of worth, how betrayal amplifies these wounds, and why the shattering experience of betrayal offers a profound opportunity to rebuild yourself intentionally.

Key Topics Covered

The Roots of Unworthiness

• How worthiness issues often start in early childhood

• The ways institutions, religion, and caregivers may have taught you to "earn" your worth

• Why some people had a vested interest in keeping you feeling unworthy

• How these early beliefs follow us into adulthood unquestioned

When Betrayal Meets Unworthiness

• Why betrayal can feel like confirmation of unworthiness

• The dangerous cycle: tolerating what shouldn't be tolerated, accepting what shouldn't be accepted

• How feeling unworthy can set up conditions for future betrayals

• The missed opportunity when we don't question who we were and who we're ready to become

The Intuition Factor

• Why we sometimes turn down our intuition before betrayal happens

• The fear of "pulling the thread" that might unravel everything

• How questioning one thing means questioning your entire life setup

• Understanding why this is so difficult (and not your fault)

The Beauty in the Shattering

• Why betrayal's complete destruction is actually an opportunity

• How to intentionally rebuild rather than just return to who you were

• The power of questioning decades-old beliefs as an adult

• Dismantling beliefs that no longer serve you

The Self-Compassion Struggle

• Dr. Debi's personal story: tying worth to productivity and achievement

• The belief that "if you're having fun, you're not being responsible"

• Why we're compassionate to everyone else but brutal to ourselves

• The familiar pattern: "If I spoke to a friend how I spoke to myself, I wouldn't have a friend in the world"

Changing the Internal Dialogue

• Dr. Debi's "adorable" practice: replacing self-criticism with kindness

• Why being "easy on yourself" feels wrong (and why it's actually right)

• The revelation: best ideas don't come from grinding at the computer

• How rest and being (versus constant doing) actually increases productivity

The Bicoastal Shift

• How moving between New York and California helped break the "hustle and grind" pattern

• Recognizing deeply ingrained conditioning that needs undoing

• The experiment: testing whether self-compassion affects productivity (spoiler: it improves it)

Key Quotes

• "If nothing changes, nothing changes"

• "Everything is energy" (referencing Masaru Emoto's water crystal experiments)

• "Hard now, easy later. Easy now, hard later. Take your pick."

• "Why in the world would you just want to go back to who you were?"

• "You're worthy just because you exist—that's enough of a reason"

For Coaches and Practitioners

Critical reminder: Betrayal is a different type of trauma requiring a different way to heal. The right tools at the wrong time will set clients back. Beautiful tools that work with other clients may not work with betrayal clients. If your tools aren't working, there's very likely betrayal at the root.

Action Steps

1. Question your worthiness beliefs: Where did they come from? Do they still serve you?

1. Experiment with self-compassion: Try replacing one critical thought with kindness

1. Test the productivity myth: Take intentional time away and observe what happens

1. Pull the thread: Start questioning beliefs that no longer serve you

1. Rebuild intentionally: Don't just heal—decide who you want to become

Bottom Line

Betrayal shatters everything, which means you get to intentionally rebuild. Take on worthiness. Take on self-compassion. You're healing from one of the most painful human experiences—you deserve both.

If you're a coach, healer or practitioner interested in learning how to effectively guide clients through betrayal recovery, learn more about PBT Certification at https://thepbtinstitute.com

Dr. Debi breaks down the fundamental differences between betrayal and other types of trauma, explaining why traditional trauma recovery approaches often fall short for betrayal survivors.

Key Insights

The Three Core Discoveries from Dr. Debi's PhD Research:

1. Betrayal is a different type of trauma that requires a different approach to heal

1. Most people who've been betrayed experience symptoms of Post Betrayal Syndrome®

1. There are five predictable stages of recovery, with most people getting stuck at Stage 3

Why Betrayal Trauma Is Unique

The Dual Rebuilding Process Unlike other traumas where you rebuild your life, betrayal requires you to rebuild both your life AND your sense of self. The core aspects that get shattered include:

• Confidence

• Worthiness

• Trust

• Belonging

• Sense of safety

Complete Reality Disruption With other traumas (car accidents, natural disasters, loss), your perception of reality stays intact. With betrayal:

• Your entire worldview gets destroyed

• Past memories become tainted and questioned

• Every moment you shared is reexamined through a new, painful lens

• Your trust in the person who was supposed to be your safest person is shattered

The Self-Trust Crisis When the person you trusted most proves untrustworthy, you immediately question yourself:

• "How did I not see this?"

• "What's wrong with my judgment?"

• "Can I ever trust my own decisions again?"

This creates a paralyzing fear about moving forward and engaging with others.

Identity Destruction Betrayal triggers a complete identity crisis:

• Your roles are questioned

• Your sense of self is shattered

• You take it personally, wondering if you're lovable, worthy, or deserving

• Everything you thought you knew about yourself comes into question

Why Traditional Trauma Treatment Fall Short When it Comes to Betrayal

Standard trauma approaches focus on:

• Processing the event

• Reducing fear

• Building coping skills

• Increasing sense of safety

But these don't address:

• The shattering of self-trust

• The identity crisis

• The complete disruption of reality and worldview

• The unique isolation that comes with betrayal

The Isolation Factor

Unlike other traumas where communities rally together (like natural disasters or loss of a loved one), betrayal creates unique isolation:

• People don't know what to say, so they say nothing

• Friends and family may distance themselves out of discomfort

• Some may minimize the betrayal to avoid dealing with it

• The betrayed often suffers in silence, embarrassed and ashamed

• Many cover for the betrayer to maintain appearances, suffering at their own expense

The Impossible Burden

After betrayal, people who've been betrayed are expected to:

• Continue caring for children and elderly parents

• Maintain their careers

• Keep up with daily responsibilities

• Function normally in society

All while their entire world has been shattered and they're questioning everything about themselves and their reality.

For Coaches and Practitioners

This is what your clients may be experiencing even if they haven't explicitly told you about a betrayal. They may be:

• Struggling and suffering in silence

• Unable to hold coherent thoughts

• Barely functioning day-to-day

• Covering for their betrayer while dealing with the devastation alone

Understanding these unique aspects of betrayal trauma is essential for providing effective support and guidance.

About Dr. Debi Dr. Debi Silber is the Founder and CEO of The PBT Institute, a two-time TEDx speaker, and holds a PhD in transpersonal psychology. Her groundbreaking research on betrayal led to the discovery of Post Betrayal Syndrome® and the 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough™.

Resources

• Learn more about becoming a PBT-Certified Coach or Practitioner at ThePBTInstitute.com

• Listen to the "From Betrayal to Breakthrough" podcast (top 1.5% globally)

In this episode, Dr. Debi shares why unhealed betrayal is the hidden barrier preventing your clients from achieving breakthrough results—and how the PBT® (Post Betrayal Transformation®) Certification equips coaches, healers, and practitioners to create deeper, more predictable transformations.

What You'll Learn:

• Why time doesn't heal betrayal (and what actually does)

• The shocking statistics: How unhealed betrayal impacts health, work, and relationships

• Why your best coaching strategies fall short when betrayal is at the root

• The research-backed framework that moves clients through the 5 predictable stages from betrayal to breakthrough

• How PBT® certification complements (not replaces) your existing coaching tools

• Simple diagnostic questions to identify unhealed betrayal in your clients

Key Statistics Revealed:

• 84% of those who've experienced betrayal struggle to trust (impacting team collaboration and leadership)

• 81% feel a loss of personal power (leading to self-sabotage)

• 68% can't focus or concentrate (reducing workplace productivity)

• 47% experience weight and digestive issues (that no diet can fix)

• 80% are hypervigilant (preventing intimate connections)

Who This Certification Is For:

• Life, health, business, and leadership coaches

• Relationship and mindset coaches

• Healers, therapists, counselors, psychologists

• HR leaders working with impacted employees

• Practitioners using modalities like yoga, reiki, EMDR, or EFT

Benefits of PBT® Certification:

• Specialize in a massive, underserved niche

• Increase income (specialist vs. generalist positioning)

• Gain 4 ICF CEUs

• Join our certified coaches directory for client referrals

• Access retreat opportunities, podcast features, and ongoing mentorship

• Bring research-backed credibility to your practice

Current Enrollment Bonuses:

• $500 discount with code GIFT500

• Listing in the PBT® Certified Coaches Directory

• First 10 enrollees: Guest feature on the top 1.5% ranked "From Betrayal to Breakthrough" podcast

PBT Pro Program Add-On Includes:

• Featured spotlight in the directory

• Podcast guest feature

• Discounted retreat pass ($1,800 value)

• PBT® Assessment Toolkit with 5 ready-to-use client assessments

Learn More: Visit thepbtinstitute.com/get-certified

Dr. Debi Silber is the Founder and CEO of The PBT Institute, a PhD researcher who discovered Post Betrayal Syndrome®, and creator of the 5 Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough™ framework. With 34+ years of experience, she's helped thousands transform their most painful experiences into unprecedented growth.

Join host Dr. Debi as she sits down with Gretta Perlmutter, a certified PBT® coach who specializes in helping people heal from ghosting. Gretta shares her personal journey from being ghosted multiple times to becoming an expert in understanding this painful form of betrayal and helping others move forward with confidence.

Key Topics Covered

Gretta's Personal Story

• Being ghosted multiple times in business, friendships, and dating

• The shocking experience of being ghosted after a multi-day trip invitation

• The mental health toll and unhealthy coping mechanisms

• The journey from self-blame to self-empowerment

• Turning pain into purpose through coaching and content creation

Understanding Ghosting

Why People Ghost:

1. Avoidance - Unwilling to experience the emotional labor of difficult conversations

1. Malicious Intent - Using silence to hurt and control others

1. Accidental - Truly unable to reach out (medical emergencies, lost contact info, tech glitches)

Warning Signs Someone Might Ghost You:

• History of ghosting others

• Regular use of the silent treatment

• Consistent avoidance of conflict and emotional conversations

• The "slow ghost" - gradually fading from your life

• Actions that don't align with their words

The Emotional Impact

• Feelings of unworthiness and invisibility

• Grief over the loss of the relationship and imagined future

• Anxiety, sadness, and confusion

• Physical symptoms like inability to eat or sleep

• The shock of going from feeling seen and heard to feeling deleted

The Healing Journey

Key Realizations:

• Ghosting says nothing about you and everything about the ghost

• You're not responsible for other people's behaviors

• Your worth doesn't depend on anyone else's approval or actions

• Not everyone shows up in the world with the same level of kindness and respect

Practical Steps to Heal:

• Take care of your mind, body, and heart

• Honor your emotions without judgment

• Focus on people who are actively choosing you

• Reach out to understanding friends, family, or specialized coaches

• Stop analyzing the ghost and focus on your own healing

• Give yourself what you wanted from them

If You Think You're Being Ghosted:

• Reach out casually 2-3 times maximum

• Give them the benefit of the doubt initially

• Don't keep messaging into an echo chamber

• End the relationship on your terms with a clear, dignified message

• Example: "I haven't heard from you in a while, and I'm not sure why. I'm disappointed that you haven't communicated with me. This dynamic isn't working for me, so I'm ending this relationship. Take care of yourself."

If the Ghost Returns:

• Take your time deciding how to proceed

• Remember: You don't owe them anything

• People can change, but they often don't

• If you choose to reconnect, do it slowly after investing in your recovery

• They need to show they've changed and are trustworthy

• Build an entirely new relationship with clear boundaries

The Power of PBT® Coaching

• How the five stages of betrayal recovery framework applies to ghosting

• The importance of not ghosting yourself during the healing process

• Moving from analyzing the betrayer to focusing on personal healing

• The transformation from stage three (learning about the betrayal) to stage four (focusing on self)

Memorable Quotes

"Ghosting says nothing about you, and it speaks volumes about the ghost. This is their behavior issue."

"Your worth doesn't depend on anyone else's approval, feelings or actions. Never put your worth in a ghost's hands."

"Not everyone is showing up in the world like I am, not everyone has the same level of kindness and dignity and respect."

"Stop analyzing the people who have ghosted me, and start focusing on myself. How can I heal? What do I need? How can I not ghost myself?"

"When you take that healing seriously, you become a version of you you didn't have access to."

Resources

Connect with Gretta Perlmutter:

• Website: https://www.copingwithghosting.com/

• Podcast: Coping with Ghosting

• Social Media: @copingwithghosting (TikTok, Instagram)

• Facebook Group: Coping with Ghosting (free and private)

• Upcoming Book: "Coping with Ghosting in Love and Dating"

Connect with Dr. Debi

• The PBT Institute

• The PBT Coach Certification Program

Recommended Episode:

• "What to Do When the Person Who Ghosted You Returns" (Coping with Ghosting podcast)

After 450 episodes, the podcast takes a new direction as host Dr. Debi shares the deeply personal story behind the Post Betrayal Transformation® (PBT®) Certification Program—the only research-based program for healing from betrayal using the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough.

What You'll Learn

The Personal Journey

• How childhood betrayal and later spousal betrayal led to a transformative healing journey

• The decision to pursue a PhD in Transpersonal Psychology while barely functioning

• Discovering the Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery through rigorous research and personal implementation

• The vulnerable choice to share this private story to help others heal

The Research Behind PBT

• Why there was no deep-dive study on the lived experience of betrayal

• How the "Fab 14" women contributed to groundbreaking research

• The moment a study chair recognized a documented process in the findings

• Moving from theory to proven methodology through personal experience

Physical and Emotional Healing

• Understanding Post Betrayal Syndrome® symptoms and their impact

• How healing affects sleep, immune system, weight, and overall wellbeing

• Why traditional therapy often keeps people stuck in the same patterns

• The difference between staying in Stage 3 (quicksand) versus moving to Stages 4 and 5

The Certification Program

• Why teaching coaches and practitioners creates exponential healing

• How the certification includes personal healing work before teaching others

• Real transformations: new businesses, restored health, rebuilt relationships

• The vision of reaching thousands through trained practitioners rather than one-on-one work

Impact on Different Professions

• Life Coaches: Helping clients who can't focus or move forward

• Business Coaches: Supporting entrepreneurs who can't sell or promote themselves

• Health Coaches: Understanding why clients sabotage healthy protocols

• Leadership Coaches: Addressing trust issues that lead to micromanaging

• Parents: Becoming role models of resilience for their children

Key Takeaways

• Betrayal is uniquely traumatic—it shatters trust and creates physical symptoms

• Healing is possible through a structured, research-based approach

• The Five Stages can shorten decades of pain into a manageable healing journey

• Transformation creates access to a version of yourself you didn't have before

• Sharing your story, despite vulnerability, can create mass healing

Memorable Quotes

• "Get out of the way. Your ego and pride are preventing people from healing."

• "This work can shorten someone's pain by decades."

• "Stage 3 is quicksand—it's where most people get stuck."

• "Nothing was as painful for me as betrayal, and nothing feels better than transforming from it."

Resources Mentioned

• PBT® (Post Betrayal Transformation®) Certification Program

• The PBT® Institute

• Previous TEDx talks: "Stop Sabotaging Yourself" and "Do You Have Post Betrayal Syndrome?"

• Book: Trust Again

About Post Betrayal Syndrome®

Post Betrayal Syndrome includes symptoms such as:

• Sleep disruption and fatigue

• Weakened immune system

• Weight gain (especially around midsection)

• Inability to focus or concentrate

• Emotional overwhelm and triggers

Who This Episode Is For

• Anyone who has experienced betrayal (family, partner, friend, coworker)

• Coaches, therapists, counselors, and practitioners wanting to help betrayal survivors

• Health and wellness professionals whose clients are stuck or self-sabotaging

• Anyone interested in trauma recovery and transformation

• People seeking to turn their pain into purpose

Next Steps

If you're interested in the PBT® Certification Program or want to learn more about the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough, visit the PBT® Institute or reach out with questions and comments.