After 450 episodes, the podcast takes a new direction as host Dr. Debi shares the deeply personal story behind the Post Betrayal Transformation® (PBT®) Certification Program—the only research-based program for healing from betrayal using the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough.

What You'll Learn

The Personal Journey

• How childhood betrayal and later spousal betrayal led to a transformative healing journey

• The decision to pursue a PhD in Transpersonal Psychology while barely functioning

• Discovering the Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery through rigorous research and personal implementation

• The vulnerable choice to share this private story to help others heal

The Research Behind PBT

• Why there was no deep-dive study on the lived experience of betrayal

• How the "Fab 14" women contributed to groundbreaking research

• The moment a study chair recognized a documented process in the findings

• Moving from theory to proven methodology through personal experience

Physical and Emotional Healing

• Understanding Post Betrayal Syndrome® symptoms and their impact

• How healing affects sleep, immune system, weight, and overall wellbeing

• Why traditional therapy often keeps people stuck in the same patterns

• The difference between staying in Stage 3 (quicksand) versus moving to Stages 4 and 5

The Certification Program

• Why teaching coaches and practitioners creates exponential healing

• How the certification includes personal healing work before teaching others

• Real transformations: new businesses, restored health, rebuilt relationships

• The vision of reaching thousands through trained practitioners rather than one-on-one work

Impact on Different Professions

• Life Coaches: Helping clients who can't focus or move forward

• Business Coaches: Supporting entrepreneurs who can't sell or promote themselves

• Health Coaches: Understanding why clients sabotage healthy protocols

• Leadership Coaches: Addressing trust issues that lead to micromanaging

• Parents: Becoming role models of resilience for their children

Key Takeaways

• Betrayal is uniquely traumatic—it shatters trust and creates physical symptoms

• Healing is possible through a structured, research-based approach

• The Five Stages can shorten decades of pain into a manageable healing journey

• Transformation creates access to a version of yourself you didn't have before

• Sharing your story, despite vulnerability, can create mass healing

Memorable Quotes

• "Get out of the way. Your ego and pride are preventing people from healing."

• "This work can shorten someone's pain by decades."

• "Stage 3 is quicksand—it's where most people get stuck."

• "Nothing was as painful for me as betrayal, and nothing feels better than transforming from it."

Resources Mentioned

• PBT® (Post Betrayal Transformation®) Certification Program

• The PBT® Institute

• Previous TEDx talks: "Stop Sabotaging Yourself" and "Do You Have Post Betrayal Syndrome?"

• Book: Trust Again

About Post Betrayal Syndrome®

Post Betrayal Syndrome includes symptoms such as:

• Sleep disruption and fatigue

• Weakened immune system

• Weight gain (especially around midsection)

• Inability to focus or concentrate

• Emotional overwhelm and triggers

Who This Episode Is For

• Anyone who has experienced betrayal (family, partner, friend, coworker)

• Coaches, therapists, counselors, and practitioners wanting to help betrayal survivors

• Health and wellness professionals whose clients are stuck or self-sabotaging

• Anyone interested in trauma recovery and transformation

• People seeking to turn their pain into purpose

Next Steps

If you're interested in the PBT® Certification Program or want to learn more about the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough, visit the PBT® Institute or reach out with questions and comments.

Guest

Dr. Rosenna Bakari - Psychologist, Entrepreneur, and Transformational Guide

Episode Overview

In this powerful conversation, Dr. Rosina BaKari shares her wisdom on letting go of what no longer serves us and stepping into our next best chapters. As a psychologist and entrepreneur, Dr. BaKari brings both professional expertise and personal experience to guide listeners through the challenging but essential process of transformation after betrayal and life's hardest moments.

Key Topics Discussed

The Journey to Entrepreneurship

• How becoming an entrepreneur forced Dr. BaKari to stop hiding

• The challenge of working alone and the fear that kept her isolated

• Recognizing when "personality traits" are actually fear-based responses

Understanding and Navigating Fear

• Why action is the only way through fear

• How fear gnaws at us when we avoid what needs to be done

• Taking baby steps instead of giant leaps

The Art of Letting Go

• Why "just let it go" doesn't work

• The 7X Framework: Seven areas that prevent us from moving forward

• Betrayal and silence

• Emotional dependency

• Stagnant relationships

• Complacency

• Indoctrination

• Loss of passion and purpose

• Ego and identity

Forgiveness vs. Acceptance

• Why you shouldn't rush to forgive

• Letting forgiveness arise naturally from healing

• Striving for acceptance before forgiveness

• Meeting yourself where you are instead of where you think you should be

Radical Self-Centeredness

• What it really means to be radically self-centered

• Why serving from an empty cup doesn't work

• Centering yourself in your own healing journey

• The importance of self-preservation over people-pleasing

Seeds of Disempowerment

• How childhood conditioning shapes our adult responses

• The concept of "disempowerment by 1,000 cuts"

• Recognizing subtle experiences of emotional disempowerment

• Why we acquiesce in adulthood based on childhood patterns

The Morning Practice

• Starting your day with five minutes of intentional self-reflection

• Deciding who you want to be before your day begins

• Creating self-awareness throughout the day

• Noticing when you drift from your intentions

Rebuilding After the Crash

• Why betrayal can be a catalyst for transformation

• The opportunity to create something radically different

• Not wasting trauma by just trying to get back to "normal"

• Building a life that's bigger and more beautiful than before

Key Quotes & Insights

"If it were that easy, we'd all do it right? It's the processes that matter."

"Don't rush forgiveness. Let forgiveness arise from the healing."

"Be where you are. So often we don't allow ourselves to just be in the present moment."

"You can't pour from an empty cup. The more full you are, the better for everybody."

"Why would you rebuild what you had? Give it everything the old house didn't have."

"There's a gap between what we want and what we really want. Spend time digging into what really brings you joy."

Actionable Takeaways

1. Practice the Morning Five Minutes: Before getting out of bed, spend five minutes deciding who you want to be that day

1. Identify Your X Factor: Determine which of the seven areas is blocking your progress

1. Take Baby Steps: Don't try to transform overnight; take the next closest step in the right direction

1. Center Yourself: Practice radical self-centeredness in your healing journey

1. Question Your Conditioning: Examine which behaviors are truly you versus learned responses from childhood

1. Create Space for Clarity: Ask yourself what you really want, not what you think you should want

Resources

Connect with Dr. Rosina BaKari:

• Website: RosinaBaKari.com

• Instagram: @RosinaBaKari

Perfect For Listeners Who:

• Are recovering from betrayal or major life disruptions

• Struggle with letting go of past hurts

• Feel stuck in patterns that no longer serve them

• Want to create meaningful transformation in their lives

• Are ready to step into their next chapter with intention

Want to dive deeper into transformation after betrayal? Subscribe to the podcast and leave a review to help others find these conversations.

The holiday season can be especially challenging for those who've experienced betrayal. This episode explores how coaches and practitioners can help clients navigate the pain that surfaces during this time and introduces the strategic framework of the five stages from betrayal to breakthrough.

Key Topics Covered

The Holiday Challenge

The holidays bring up complex emotions for those who've been betrayed:

• Memories of past celebrations become painful

• Questions arise about what the betrayer was thinking during previous happy moments

• The season amplifies unresolved trauma

How Unhealed Betrayal Shows Up

Betrayal affects clients across all coaching specialties:

Health Coaches: Clients may struggle with emotional eating, binging, or sabotaging healthy protocols due to underlying betrayal trauma.

Digestive Health Practitioners: 45% of betrayed individuals develop gut issues (Crohn's, IBS, diverticulitis, constipation, diarrhea). Even excellent protocols may fail without addressing the root betrayal.

Business Coaches: Clients may sabotage success, struggle with confidence, avoid promoting themselves, or have difficulty delegating due to shattered trust.

Life Coaches: Clients appear stuck, unable to find clarity or purpose because they're trapped in betrayal trauma.

The Five Stages Framework

Understanding where clients are stuck is crucial:

Stage 2: Nervous system dysregulation prevents clients from hearing suggestions

Stage 3: The most common stuck point where clients settle for "solid ground" rather than pursuing growth

Stages 4 & 5: Where transformation happens—new health levels, passion projects, businesses, and relationships become possible

Signs Your Protocols Aren't Working

• Client demonstrates patterns of self-sabotage

• Excellent strategies fail to produce results

• Client seems unable to move forward despite wanting to

• Symptoms persist despite proper treatment

The Transformation Process

When betrayal is addressed:

• Health protocols begin working effectively

• Confidence returns for business pursuits

• Trust rebuilds systematically

• Physical symptoms of Post Betrayal Syndrome disappear

• Clients look years younger as chronic stress reduces

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

Therapy Without Betrayal Expertise: Well-meaning therapists may keep clients feeling heard but stuck in Stage 3

Couples Counseling Issues: Often minimizes betrayal, lacks accountability, and frustrates the betrayed partner

Support Groups: Can inadvertently encourage people to sabotage healing to maintain their community

Numbing Behaviors: Medication, substances, work, or scrolling prevent actual healing

Why People Stay Stuck

• Fear of outgrowing their support system

• Fear of outgrowing their betrayer

• Settling seems safer than risking more pain

• Not knowing there's a roadmap forward

The Power of PBT Coaching

Certified coaches use the five-stage roadmap while bringing their unique strengths:

• Some work with couples, others with individuals

• Specializations include military families, faith-based approaches, empaths, men, women

• All share the strategic framework while applying personal gifts

Results of Moving Through the Stages

• New levels of physical health and vitality

• Transformed or new relationships

• Passion projects and new businesses

• Access to opportunities not visible while stuck

• Deep sense of fulfillment and purpose

Upcoming Opportunity

Free Masterclass: Becoming a Certified PBT Coach or Practitioner

Date: December 11 at 11am Pacific

For: Coaches, practitioners, HR professionals, therapists, doctors, counselors

Special Offer: Holiday bonus gifts available (details revealed in masterclass)

Register: ThePBTinstitute.com/certification-masterclass

Note: Replay available to all registrants

Key Takeaway

Whether you're struggling with betrayal during the holidays or you're a professional who wants to help others heal, there's a proven roadmap that shortens years of pain. The goal isn't just to return to the old life—it's to create something richer, healthier, and more fulfilling.

"The more coaches certified with their own spin, talents, and strengths, the more people get the help they need to move through something they never saw coming."

In this transformative episode, I sit down with my own teacher and mentor, Dr. Karen Parker, to explore the fascinating world of Quantum Human Design and how our stories literally shape our biology. Dr. Parker is a pioneer who studied with the founder of traditional Human Design and has taken the system to its next evolution—helping people not just understand who they're not, but consciously create who they want to become.

What You'll Discover

Understanding Quantum Human Design

• The difference between traditional Human Design and Quantum Human Design

• How Human Design synthesizes Eastern and Western astrology, the Chinese I Ching, Hindu chakra system, and Judaic Kabbalah

• Why getting back into your body is essential for authentic decision-making

• The evolution from learning "who you're not" to consciously creating "who you choose to become"

The Biology of Our Stories

• How victim-based narratives actually lower immune response (IgA levels)

• The physiological changes that occur when you reframe your story

• Why optimists live longer and have longer telomeres

• The connection between storytelling and post-traumatic growth

Moving Beyond Survival

• Why defining ourselves as "survivors" keeps us stuck at a minimal baseline

• The danger of stopping your story at the cliffhanger

• How to move from surviving to thriving through the redemption arc

• The Stage 3 trap: how repeating our betrayal story keeps us stuck

The Story Lab Process

• A creative, fun approach to rewriting your narrative (yes, it can be enjoyable!)

• Using creative writing to bypass logic and reasoning patterns

• Why taking your story "out of time" creates powerful shifts

• Real-life example: How one woman transformed from victim to empowered protector

Key Takeaways

• Your story creates your identity, and your identity calls in experiences that validate it. Breaking this cycle requires conscious narrative reframing.

• Healing doesn't have to be a crisis. The Story Lab process proves that transformation can actually be creative, playful, and fun.

• Check in with your body. After sharing your betrayal story, does your body feel light, open, and expansive? Or heavy and contracted? Your body knows the truth.

• The power of the redemption arc. Your story doesn't end at the betrayal—that's just the catalyst. The real story is what happens next and who you become.

Powerful Exercise to Try

Draw a horizontal line across a piece of paper. The left represents your birth, the right represents where you are now. Mark all the significant experiences in your life along this timeline. Then ask yourself: "Did I stop my story at the cliffhanger, or have I defined myself by what happened next?"

If you're still hanging at the cliffhanger, you deserve better than that.

About Dr. Karen Parker

Dr. Karen Parker holds a PhD in transpersonal psychology and is the creator of Quantum Human Design. She studied directly with the founder of traditional Human Design and spent three years in a Sound Lab testing the frequency of vocabulary to create an entirely new system that helps people consciously write their sovereign story. She's also the author of multiple books, including Quantum Wellness, which walks readers through the Story Lab process.

Connect with Dr. Karen Parker

• Website: QuantumHumanDesign.com

• Instagram & Facebook: @DrKarenParker22

• Book: Quantum Wellness (available at major online retailers)

Stay in Touch

• The PBT Institute: https://thepbtinstitute.com

My Personal Connection

As a 4/6 Manifesting Generator (Time Bender) myself, studying with Dr. Karen was life-changing. Learning about the triphasic life cycle of the 4/6 profile helped me understand why my life crashed and burned at exactly age 50—and why that was actually the beginning of my true purpose work. The concept of "finding shortcuts" as a Manifesting Generator perfectly explains why the five stages of Post Betrayal Transformation showed up in my research—it was THE shortcut to healing!

Dr. Debi Silber, founder of the PBT® Institute, shares groundbreaking research on betrayal recovery and introduces the #1 betrayal recovery certification program specifically designed to help coaches, practitioners, and healthcare professionals guide clients through healing from betrayal.

Key Topics Covered

The Hidden Impact of Unhealed Betrayal

• How unhealed betrayal shows up in relationships through repeat patterns or emotional walls

• The connection between betrayal and stress-related health conditions

• Impact on workplace performance, confidence, and decision-making

Three Groundbreaking Discoveries

Discovery #1: Betrayal is Different

• Unlike other traumas, betrayal shatters the sense of self

• Affects trust, confidence, worthiness, and belonging in unique ways

• Requires a specialized healing approach

Discovery #2: PBS® Post Betrayal Syndrome®

• A documented collection of physical, mental, and emotional symptoms

• Based on over 100,000 data points

• Time alone doesn't heal these symptoms

Discovery #3: Five Proven Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough

• Predictable pathway from pain to transformation

• Clear markers at each stage

• Specific strategies to progress through healing

Statistics on How Betrayal Affects Work Performance

• 84% struggle with trust (impacts collaboration and teamwork)

• 88% experience extreme sadness (reduces motivation and creativity)

• 68% cannot focus or concentrate (decreases productivity)

• 78% feel overwhelmed (increases mistakes and burnout risk)

• 83% carry significant anger (creates workplace conflict)

• 47% develop weight and digestive issues

• These symptoms persist regardless of when the betrayal occurred

The Transformation Model

Using the house metaphor: betrayal isn't about restoring what was (resilience), it's about rebuilding something entirely new (transformation)

Who This Certification Serves

• Life, health, business, and leadership coaches

• Therapists, counselors, and psychologists

• HR professionals and organizational leaders

• Healers and practitioners

• Anyone working with clients affected by broken trust

The Certification Program

• Self-paced training on the Five Stages

• Includes the signature "Betrayal to Breakthrough" program

• Case study work and practical coaching tools

• Provides coach or practitioner designation

• ICF continuing education credits available

Additional Growth Opportunity: PBT Pro

Monthly membership offering:

• Live business-building sessions with Dr. Debi

• Legal support and protections

• Marketing and scaling strategies

• Client scenario coaching

• Guidance on podcasting, speaking, publishing, and more

Resources Mentioned

• PBT® Institute Certification: thepbtinstitute.com/get-certified

• From Betrayal to Breakthrough Podcast (top 1.5% globally)

• National Forgiveness Day (September 1st annually)

Key Takeaways

1. Betrayal creates unique symptoms that persist until deliberately healed

1. Most people stay stuck in Stage 3 without proper guidance

1. Healing is predictable and achievable with the right framework

1. Specializing in betrayal recovery creates opportunities to serve an underserved population

1. This work complements existing coaching practices rather than replacing them

Special Bonuses Mentioned

• Featured listing in coaching directory

• Guest appearance on From Betrayal to Breakthrough podcast

• In-person retreat ticket ($1,800 value for PBT® Pro members)

• Five ready-to-use client assessments

• Legal disclaimer templates

For more information about becoming certified in Post Betrayal Transformation, visit thepbtinstitute.com/get-certified

In this transformative episode, host Dr. Debi Silber sits down with spiritual guide Panache Desai to challenge everything we've been taught about success, fulfillment, and self-worth. If you've achieved success by traditional standards but still feel unfulfilled, this conversation will completely shift your perspective.

Key Topics Covered:

Redefining Success

• Why material success often leads to depression, addiction, and unfulfillment

• The true meaning of success: being at peace with yourself

• How we've been sold a false bill of goods about where fulfillment comes from

The Inside-Out Approach

• Why looking outside ourselves for love, security, and happiness never works

• The illusion of external authority and how it betrays us from birth

• Why you are already the source of everything you're seeking

The Betrayal Experience

• How betrayal serves as a catalyst for redirecting attention back to ourselves

• Why we've only ever betrayed ourselves by making others the source of our fulfillment

• Understanding that betrayal is the ultimate initiation into self-discovery

Acceptance as the Key

• Why "working on yourself" keeps you distanced from your truth

• The revolutionary practice of accepting your emotions, thoughts, and humanity

• How acceptance is the entry point into genuine self-love

The Conditioning Crisis

• How women are especially programmed to sacrifice themselves for others

• Why the framework of living for everyone else is the ultimate betrayal

• Breaking free from the martyrdom archetype

Parenting and Authenticity

• Teaching children that their uniqueness is their superpower

• Why conformity in education dulls our natural gifts

• The parenting-as-gardening approach: nurturing without controlling outcomes

Moving Beyond Victim Consciousness

• Accepting powerlessness over the past as the path to infinite power in the present

• Why everything that happened was actually perfect for your evolution

• The importance of commitment, consistency, and repetition in transformation

The Golden Buddha Within

• Removing the layers of others' projections and interpretations

• Recognizing you're not broken, flawed, or in need of fixing

• Living from the truth of who you really are

Powerful Quotes:

"Success means to be at peace. If you're at peace with yourself, then you're successful."

"We've only ever betrayed ourselves, and that betrayal began in the moment that we made someone else the source of the love, the source of the security, the source of the safety."

"You're adorable, you're loved. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. You don't have to be fixed or changed or improved."

"The only way to be done with the trauma of the past is to accept it, to embrace the fact that it happened—it's not good, it's not bad, it's not right, it's not wrong, it just happened."

Resources:

Visit panachedesai.com to join Panache's free daily meditation "Call to Calm" - now 1570+ days running since the pandemic began.

The PBT Institute — programs, coaches, community: https://thepbtinstitute.com/ Corporate/HR offerings & talks: https://thepbtinstitute.com/corporate Work with Dr. Debi and her amazing PBT Coaches: https://thepbtinstitute.com/transform/

In this powerful episode, we welcome Dr. Alman, co-creator of the groundbreaking ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) study, to discuss trauma, betrayal, and the path to healing. Dr. Alman shares insights from decades of work with Kaiser Permanente and explains why all trauma contains elements of betrayal.

Key Topics Discussed

The Origins of the ACE Study

• How the study began through Kaiser Permanente's weight loss program

• Dr. Alman's work with patients trying to lose 50-200+ pounds

• The surprising discovery that successful weight loss patients were gaining weight back

• Collaboration with Dr. Felitti and Dr. Robert Anda to develop the 10 core questions

Understanding Trauma and Betrayal

• Core principle: All trauma is betrayal - it involves people we trusted who didn't have our backs

• Trauma comes from family members, partners, friends, grandparents, or anyone we depended on

• The weight-protection mechanism: How people use weight to protect themselves from harm

The 10 Core ACE Questions (and Beyond)

• The original 10 questions identify the most common childhood traumas

• Sexual abuse: Found in close to 60% of women in the weight loss program

• Neglect: Particularly common among men whose fathers were absent or overworked

• The list is not exhaustive - many other traumas exist

• The 11th and 12th Questions-important inclusions to access additional information

The Inner Critic Problem

• The perfectionist inner judge that becomes a "lifetime member" of your psyche

• How childhood conditioning creates an inner critic that fights with our emotions

• The futility of trying to eliminate the inner critic

• Why therapy alone often isn't enough to resolve this internal conflict

Coping Mechanisms and Addiction

• The dosage principle: Like aspirin, coping mechanisms are about dosage - some is helpful, too much is harmful

• Common coping strategies: food, work, exercise, drugs, alcohol

• High achievers and entrepreneurs often use success as a distraction

• The driven CEO who feels "empty and betrayed on the inside"

• How seemingly "healthy" distractions like work and exercise can mask deeper issues

The Path to Healing

The Three-Step Process:

1. Awareness - Answer the 12 ACE questions

1. Bridge-building - Awareness alone isn't enough; you must build bridges, not walls

1. Root cause healing - Access your inner wisdom beneath the trauma

Key Principles:

• Your emotions are bridges, not obstacles

• Your inner critic can be worked with, not eliminated

• Everyone has inner wisdom - "the gold underneath all that lead"

• Healing requires going deeper than emotions, judgment, and childhood conditioning

• The goal is to utilize your trauma and betrayal as tools for growth

Featured Resource

Enlight App - Developed by Dr. Alman and Dr. Felitti to help people connect with their inner wisdom daily, utilizing emotions, judgments, and childhood experiences as tools for healing rather than obstacles to overcome.

Key Takeaways

• The ACE study has reached 100 countries and millions of people worldwide

• 20% of people use 80% of healthcare services, often due to unresolved trauma

• Trauma manifests in physical symptoms: stomach aches, back pain, weight issues, autoimmune illnesses, migraines, depression, and anxiety

• Everyone's trauma experience is unique, even when ACE scores are similar

• Healing isn't about getting rid of parts of yourself - it's about integration and working with all aspects of who you are

• You can't "get rid" of your inner critic any more than you can remove the rings from a tree

• The path forward involves accepting, reassuring, and connecting with all parts of yourself

Notable Quotes

"All trauma is betrayal, because it's people we trusted, people we hoped would have our back, would take care of us."

"Awareness is great. It's a bridge, but it's not enough."

"The inner critic has a lifetime membership - you might as well learn how to work with it."

"Everybody has inner wisdom. It's probably real deep, deeper than you've ever gone, deeper than your emotions, deeper than your judge, deeper than your perfectionist."

"Two aspirin will help you, 100 will kill you. Same thing with coping mechanisms - it's all about dosage."

Connect with Dr. Alman

Download the Enlightn app for support (you can also go to enlightn.me) and for more information about the ACE Study and access to the assessment questions, visit https://drbrianalman.com.

To learn more about healing from betrayal trauma, visit https://thepbtinstitute.com.

Discover the groundbreaking ACE Study with co-creator Dr. Alman. Learn why all trauma is betrayal, the 11th and 12th ACE questions, how to work with your inner critic, and the proven path to healing childhood trauma and adverse experiences.

ACE study, adverse childhood experiences, childhood trauma, betrayal trauma, Dr. Alman, trauma healing, inner critic, emotional healing, Kaiser Permanente, sexual abuse recovery, weight loss and trauma, coping mechanisms, root cause healing, PTSD, childhood neglect, inner wisdom, trauma awareness, perfectionism, self-healing, Enlightn app

In this deeply insightful episode, Dr. Debi Silber sits down with addiction expert Amber Hollingsworth to explore the complex intersection between betrayal and addiction—and the impact it has on partners, families, and loved ones.

Amber, who grew up in a family affected by addiction and went on to dedicate her career to helping families heal, shares raw and eye-opening truths about how addiction patterns form, why partners often become "the villain" in the addicted person's story, and how to strategically navigate the balance between compassion and boundaries without losing yourself in the process.

Together, Debi and Amber unpack how betrayal shows up through addiction—whether it's substances, behaviors, or emotional disconnection—and what it takes to stop enabling, break the cycle, and create the conditions for real recovery.

🧩 Key Topics Covered:

• Amber's personal story of growing up in an addicted family and how it shaped her life's work.

• The hidden connection between betrayal trauma and addiction—and why family members often carry the deepest wounds.

• Why partners of addicts often become "the villain" in the story and how to reverse that dynamic.

• The psychology of enabling—and how to stop protecting your loved one from the consequences they need to face.

• The painful balance between love and accountability: how to let them fall without losing yourself.

• What it really means to "hit bottom" (and why you don't have to wait for it).

• How empathy, not anger, activates the brain's learning center and creates the possibility of change.

• How to stay grounded, maintain your boundaries, and heal your own betrayal trauma—even while someone you love is still struggling.

• The difference between fast-track addictions (like cocaine) and slow-burn addictions (like alcohol or marijuana), and how each impacts relationships differently.

• How "trickle truths" and hidden addictions re-traumatize betrayed partners over time.

• Why self-care and detachment aren't selfish—they're essential for clarity, health, and long-term healing.

🧠 Key Insights:

• "When you grow up around addiction, rebellion sometimes looks like choosing to live differently."

• "You're not powerless. You can't control your loved one, but you can influence the system they're in."

• "When you stop being the villain in their story, the world becomes the mirror that shows them the truth."

• "Empathy activates learning. Anger activates defense."

• "Every time you protect someone from their consequences, you're protecting them from their transformation."

💬 Memorable Quotes:

"Self-pity and resentment are how addiction lives. Until that dynamic changes, recovery can't begin." — Amber Hollingsworth

"We can't build anything stable on a cracked foundation of deception. Every 'trickle truth' is another trauma." — Dr. Debi Silber

"You don't have to wait until someone hits bottom. They can put the shovel down at any time." — Amber Hollingsworth

🔧 Practical Takeaways:

1. Stop enabling — Let natural consequences teach what words cannot.

1. Stay in your lane — You're responsible for your peace, not their choices.

1. Lead with empathy — It's the only tone that keeps the door open for change.

1. Don't hide behind "helping" — Over-functioning feeds denial.

1. Focus on your stage of healing — Take care of yourself before you decide what's next.

🌿 About Amber Hollingsworth:

Amber Hollingsworth is a master addiction counselor, family recovery specialist, and founder of the YouTube channel Put the Shovel Down, where she educates families on how to break the patterns of enabling and codependency that keep addiction alive. Drawing from her own lived experience in an addicted family and decades of clinical practice, Amber brings clarity, compassion, and concrete strategies for real change.

👉 Watch Amber's videos: Put the Shovel Down on YouTube

🎧 Listen to This Episode If…

• You've been betrayed by someone struggling with addiction.

• You're trying to help a loved one but feel stuck, angry, or powerless.

• You're tired of living in cycles of hope and disappointment.

• You want to understand how to support someone in recovery without losing yourself.

Resources & links The PBT Institute — programs, coaches, community: https://thepbtinstitute.com/ Corporate/HR offerings & talks: https://thepbtinstitute.com/corporate Work with Dr. Debi and her amazing PBT Coaches: https://thepbtinstitute.com/transform/

In this solo episode, Dr. Debi shares 11 anonymized, real-world scenarios showing how unhealed betrayal quietly derails performance, leadership, health, and culture at work. From weight changes and gut issues to micromanagement, perfectionism, disengagement, and self-betrayal, you'll see how a personal rupture (even years old) can surface on the job—and what to do about it. You'll also hear research-backed prevalence stats (weight, gut, sleep) and a clear invitation to move from Stages 2–3 (shock and survival) into Stages 4–5 (healing and growth).

Who this episode is for

• Professionals, leaders, and founders who feel "off" at work and can't trace why

• HR/people leaders noticing unexplained dips in performance, morale, or collaboration

• Anyone who suspects an earlier betrayal might still be shaping today's choices, health, and capacity

Key concepts & signals

• Betrayal shows up at work physically (weight, gut, sleep), mentally (focus, overthinking), emotionally (hypervigilance, distrust).

• Nervous system hijack: After broken trust, people often swing to micromanagement, second-guessing, isolation, or over-preparation.

• Stages matter: Creativity, confidence, and connection typically reliably return as you move into Stages 4–5 of the 5-Stage model.

• Research snapshots (from Debi's community data):

• Weight/eating struggles: ~47%

• Gut issues (IBS/Crohn's/constipation/diarrhea): ~45%

• Sleep problems: ~68%

Case snapshots (anonymized)

1. Sarah — Weight & confidence spiral Discovery of husband + best friend affair → stress eating → +40 lbs, pre-diabetes, energy crash. Missed two promotions; client-facing confidence plummeted.

1. Marcus — Gut & career derailment Brother's $50k "investment" betrayal (borrowed from 401k) → nausea → IBS, 30 missed days in 6 months, $12k out-of-pocket care → transfer to lower-paying support role.

1. Jennifer — From empowering to micromanaging Daughter's addiction/deceit eroded trust → hypervigilance, excessive approvals, morale drop → $30k demotion.

1. David — Cultural catalyst to clock-watcher Father covertly rewrote will for estranged sister → emotional numbness → stopped mentoring/initiatives → ~25% drop in departmental satisfaction.

1. Lisa — Anxiety, over-prep, stalled growth Fiancé + maid of honor affair weeks before wedding → panic in meetings, medical leave, therapy costs → over-preparation and hesitation → lost Senior Manager promotion.

1. Tom — Creativity collapse Close friend's emotional affair with his partner during family caregiving → withdrew creative risk-taking → lost edge in pitches → 3 major accounts (~$2M) missed.

1. Rachel — Sleepless CEO Sister's manipulation of elderly mother & finances → insomnia, ruminations → poorer board-level decisions, investor strain, performance dip; sleep meds added side-effects.

1. Kevin — Isolation after double betrayal Wife left for best friend → withdrew from people, closed-door leadership → cross-functional effectiveness down ~40%; silos and delays multiplied.

1. Maria — Paralysis by over-analysis Business + romantic partner embezzled to fund secret life → hyper-checking, documentation glut → missed time-sensitive opportunities; costly lost trading advantage.

1. Robert — Purpose lost, pipeline thins Adult son (aided by brother) sued him for "emotional damages" → quit mentoring/junior development → leadership pipeline weakened; burnout → early retirement.

1. Andrea (self-betrayal) — Successful but misaligned Pressured away from teaching into law → chronic fatigue, migraines, disengagement, ~30% billable drop, ~$800k lost potential revenue → leave of absence. The cost wasn't only professional—it was existential.

How to spot it (self-check)

• "I don't recognize how I lead or work anymore." (micromanaging, over-prepping, perfectionism)

• "My body is louder than my calendar." (gut flares, migraines, insomnia before big decisions)

• "I'm here but not really here." (numbness, disengagement, loss of initiative/mentoring)

• "I don't trust my read on people." (multiple confirmations for simple tasks, second-guessing)

• "I'm productive—but always late." (hyper-vigilant thoroughness that kills timeliness)

• "I'm successful—and empty." (self-betrayal: achievement without meaning)

Try this: 6 reflection prompts

1. Which case felt uncomfortably familiar—and why?

1. Where does betrayal show up most for you: body, mind, or relationships at work?

1. What do you over-do (control, analyze, isolate) to feel safer—and what does it cost?

1. Which responsibility did you stop (mentoring, initiating, pitching) after the rupture?

1. What would "Stage 4–5 me" do differently this week?

1. If self-betrayal is the theme, what small act of alignment could you take in 72 hours?

If you lead a team (HR, managers, execs)

• Watch for sudden style flips (empowering → micromanaging; creative → conventional).

• Replace "performance policing" with support + boundaries (clear priorities, fewer approvals, flexible micro-rest).

• Offer psychological safety + access to evidence-based healing resources; normalize PTO for real recovery.

• Protect culture carriers (your "Davids")—and rebuild when they dim.

Practical next steps

• Name it: If you recognized yourself, that's progress.

• Assess: Take the Post Betrayal Syndrome® indicators seriously (weight, gut, sleep).

• Stabilize the body: Basic routines (sleep hygiene, hydration, movement) reduce reactivity.

• Skill up: Learn boundaries, rebuild self-trust, and pace decisions during healing.

• Advance stages: If you're in Stages 2–3, get guided support to move into 4–5, where creativity, confidence, and connection reliably return.

• Share back: Tell Dr. Debi which story resonated most; it helps tailor future episodes.

Memorable lines

• "We can try to leave betrayal at the door—but our body and leadership bring it to work."

• "Micromanagement is often a trust injury in disguise."

• "Success that betrays you is still betrayal."

Resources & links

• The PBT Institute — programs, coaches, community: https://thepbtinstitute.com/

• Corporate/HR offerings & talks: https://thepbtinstitute.com/corporate/

Tell Dr. Debi which scenario hit home for you, and what you'll try this week. See you next time.

Betrayal shakes our sense of safety and self-trust—and that lights up fear. In this conversation, fear researcher and author Dr. Mary Poffenroth breaks fear down into plain language and gives you practical, physiology-first tools to calm the brain in the moment. We cover how fear hijacks the amygdala (your alarm system), how to bring the prefrontal cortex (clear thinking) back online, and how to tell the difference between fictional fears (rumination, future-tripping) and non-fictional fears (real, in-the-moment cues). You'll leave with quick exercises you can do anywhere—no apps, no gear, no supplements.

What we cover

• Why high-achievers and "head types" often research their feelings instead of feeling them—and how that becomes a hidden avoidance loop.

• How fear shows up after betrayal: fear of change, of the unknown, of failure and success, and the loss of control those trigger.

• The RAIN framework to move through fear step by step: Recognize, Assign, Identify, Navigate.

• Two fast neurohacks you can use anywhere:

• Pinch the Valley: massage the meaty point between thumb and index finger to stimulate the vagus nerve and down-shift arousal.

• Near & Far (convergence drill): track a finger/pen from arm's length to your nose and back to engage convergence and cue parasympathetic "rest & digest."

• The nervous-system bus: only one driver at a time (sympathetic fight/flight vs. parasympathetic rest/digest) and how to switch drivers on purpose.

• Fictional vs. non-fictional fear (sometimes called "dirty vs. clean" in the literature): how to stop feeding rumination and respond to real-time signals.

• The two big "buckets" behind most fictional fears: "I'm not enough" and "I'm losing control." How labeling one calms the spiral.

Try-it-now tools (step-by-step)

1. Pinch the Valley (vagus nerve reset)

• Make an "L" with one hand (thumb + index).

• With the other hand's thumb and index, massage the firm, meaty point where the thumb and index finger bones meet (below the web).

• 30–60 seconds per hand while breathing slowly. Expect a subtle down-shift in agitation; repeat as needed.

1. Near & Far (convergence reset)

• Hold a finger or pen at arm's length; softly focus on it.

• Slowly bring it toward the bridge of your nose until it blurs/doubles, then return to arm's length.

• Repeat 5–8 times to help re-engage focus and cue parasympathetic tone.

1. RAIN (micro-walkthrough)

• Recognize: Name the body cues (tight jaw, racing heart).

• Assign: "This is fear arousal." (Not anger, not shame—fear.)

• Identify: Is this fictional (story/rumination) or non-fictional (real cue)? If fictional, which bucket: not enough or loss of control?

• Navigate: Pick one action (boundary, breath, call a friend, make the ask).

Notable quotes

• "We spend so much time pretending fear doesn't exist—and that just drives it underground." —Dr. Mary

• "When the amygdala is lit, the prefrontal cortex goes dim. Get your body safe first; the smart ideas return second."

• "Healthy distractions—work, fitness, staying busy—can still be avoidance."

• "Label it: fictional or non-fictional. Then choose a move." —Dr. Mary

• "What we feed grows. Let's feed courage with small, repeatable actions."

Who this episode is for

• Anyone navigating betrayal who feels stuck between fear and next steps.

• Practitioners and leaders who need simple, teachable fear tools.

• High-performers who think their feelings and want body-based resets.

Resources & guest links

• Dr. Mary Poffenroth — official site (book, speaking, downloads). Mary Poffenroth

• Brave New You (book) — science-backed strategies, tools, and neurohacks to live more courageously.

• RAIN Method & Neurohacking Downloads (infographic + mini-deck). Mary Poffenroth

Resources

• Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz: Learn if you have been impacted by a past betrayal.

• For the betrayed – Reclaim: Heal from your betrayal and take your life back.

If this helped, share it with someone who's rebuilding after betrayal. Try one tool today (20–60 seconds), then repeat tomorrow. Small reps build big courage.