Aleen and Sami are here holding down the fort while Jordana is out, and one thing that Sami doesn’t care about at all: Pat Sayjak retiring… Give her a notification when Raquel signs her VPR contract. The two dive into the drama of The Idol’s abrupt end. And while we’re discussing awful TV: AJLT is back for season 2 and we pose the question: just because we can show the sex, does that mean we should show the sex? Now onto actual celebs: they discuss Jennifer Lawrence’s fiery interview on WWHL, Taylor Swift’s call out to Swifties about John Mayer, and give their congrats to newly married man, Jon Hamm.

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While Jordana is in Boston doing U Up Live things, Aleen and Sami are covering all the trending news. Sami is 5,000 feet deep into the Titan submersible drama, and we get the latest details. (NOTE: This episode was recorded before news was confirmed of the Titan sub's catastrophic implosion, ending search efforts this afternoon.) Aleen shares the most recent Hollywood feud… the billionaires are fighting: Elon Musk VS Mark Zuckerberg. Seriously, this is like some South Park type sh*t. Whoever loses should donate everything to charity. They send their congrats to Kourtney Kardashian who is expecting a baby at 44 with hubby Travis Barker. We offer our list of baby names here. The betches share their hottest takes on Harry & Meghan’s split from Spotify before wrapping up with the first installment of “Who We’re Stalking This Week” — hint: she’s a Real Housewife, her name is Kyle, and her husband has been conspicuously absent from her IG posts lately. Get your tickets to UUp Live in Boston and NYC while you still can: link here!

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What happens when a pop star gets photographed in a private club? We found out this week in the Casa Cipriani v. Taylor Swift drama, and Jordana has a message for her Swiftie haters. We may be Scandoval’d out, but the trio agree that we need a Raquel tell-all once everything dies down. Sami shares her excitement for Olivia Rodrigos’s new single– Vampires… is it 2009 again? They share their takes on the latest beef in Hollywood aka Amy Schumer roasting the sh*t out of Hilaria Baldwin in her new comedy special. Aleen wraps up with her thoughts on the ~highly controversial~ new series The Idol starring The Weeknd and Lily Rose Depp. The Weeknd will be sent to the Caymans this week, but you’ll have to listen to find out why….

U Up? Live show plug! Come one come all, 7:30 tonight (Thursday, June 15th) in Philly, there’s still times to get your tickies!  Betches.co/uuplive

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Today is your day non-Bravo fans since we’re recording before the final reunion of the Scandoval of it all. The three betches share their takes on Taylor Swift and Matty Healy’s split — FYI, Sami doesn’t claim to be a Taylor Swift expert, and Jordana doesn’t need any more re-recorded albums. That’s followed by Aleen’s dramatic reading of Pete Davidson’s explicit voicemail to PETA. It’s giving Housewives– honestly, public shaming is never the answer. They wrap things up with Natalie Portman’s marital drama, and introduce the hottest new book club in town, Betch Lit Society. Natalie’s french hubby is being sent to the Caymans, bc gross.

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Aleen and Jordana are serving as a dynamic duo today while Sami is recovering from the dentist... picture that episode of the Kardashians when Kourt’s lip is numb, it’s exactly like that. The two talk all things Bravo a la VPR reunion part two, and Lindsay Hubbard needing her own PR. Then onto headlines you never thought you’d see, like Al Pacino’s 4th round of fatherhood at age 83 (like there’s no way he’s changing diapers… maybe his own), Blue Ivy's Renaissance tour debut with her mom aka Queen Bey (yes, we’re jealous), and of course the iconic Kim Cattrall's announcement that she's set to return to And Just Like That.

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We hope you have a high tolerance for pain and physical discomfort, because it's the series finale of Succession, and Sami and Aleen are back for the ultimate recap. They get into all the biggest moments, from the siblings' brief but sweet reunion, to Peter's special cheese, The Great Reallocation, violent hugs, explosive fights, and the all-important vote on the GoJo deal. Sami and Aleen discuss some fan theories and award their final Number One Boy, Out Of The Will, and Boar On The Floor of the episode. We'll never know if Connor is headed to Slovenia, but at least we have the phrase "face eggs" forever.

Thanks for listening…you can smile, Betch.

Read Sami’s written recap here: “Succession” Finale Recap: Who Deserves To Fuck Off This Week?

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All three betches are back and ready to dive into the biggest news in pop culture this week, which means is all things Eras tour, and VPR reunion. Sami shares a concert recap and her own theories following Taylor Swift’s statement that she’s “never ever been happier.” The trio also answers the toughest question of the day: who is worse… Matty Healy or Tom Sandoval? You be the judge, betch. They unpack every revelation from the first VPR reunion episode, along with thoughts on Ariana’s public interview. They close things with a tough decision — Matty frankly needs more help than selling timeshares, but he will be sent to the Caymans, because Tom Schwartz has many more weeks to come.

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Put on your glasses and cry in secret, because Sami and Aleen are back to recap the penultimate episode of Succession's ever, and at long last it's time to lay Logan Roy to rest. They get into it all, from Roman's bungled eulogy, to Shiv and Tom's reunion, and Kendall's strategic moves. Then, Sami and Aleen award their Number One Boy, Out Of The Will, and Boar On The Floor of the episode, and end with their final Forecast ever.

Thanks for listening…woof, woof. And be sure to tune in next Tuesday for their recap of the series finale!

Read Sami’s written recap here: “Succession” Episode 9 Recap: Who Deserves To Fuck Off This Week?

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Sorry betches, Aleen and Jordana are on the road this week – and missing the biggest VPR recap of all time. But never fear, Sami is joined by Emma Diamond, creator and host of the Comments by Celebs podcast, to talk all about the wildly revealing season finale of Vanderpump Rules. They break down all the best moments: Tom & Ariana’s epic breakup scene, the ever-so-satisfying cast reactions, Ariana’s shade-filled WWHL interview, and everything in between. How long do we think the affair was really going on for? What did everyone know about Miami girl? And what else are the Toms hiding from us? Plus, they debrief on where Tom and Raquel’s relationship stands and where we go from here. Finally, they send Sandoval on a solo trip to the Caymans… because he needs to think about what he’s done and those timeshares aren’t going to sell themselves.

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Tuck your cloven hooves into your slip-on shoes, because Sami and Aleen are back to recap Episode 8 of Succession's final season - and it's finally election night. Absentee ballots are on fire, there's wasabi in Decision Deck Darwin's eyes, Greg's getting busted back down to Greg for the night, and we're down to our last functioning touchscreen. Sami and Aleen share the power rankings for the week, some of their favorite quotes, and cap it off with The Forecast (or perhaps we could call it PENDING).

Thanks for listening… but be warned, for the Conheads are coming. And be sure to tune in every single Monday for the rest of this season of Succession to hear more recaps!

Read Sami’s written recap here: “Succession” Episode 8 Recap: Who Deserves To Fuck Off This Week?

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