@Betches

Sorry, Jordana can’t get to the phone right now, she’s in Hawaii. But don’t worry, Sami and Aleen are here to dial in all things pop culture. Up first is the v smutty, royal family tell-all that Sami’s been reading. Sami breaks down the book, which explains why the royal family reacted the way they did, re: all things Meghan and Harry. Then onto a podcast expose about American royalty—Hailey Bieber. Sami and Aleen unpack the interview and realize they are in fact team Selena and Hailey. (Sorry to Jordana, the Jelena 4evr fan.) They discuss Hailey’s huge influence (Aleen even ruined her nails for the glazed look), before chatting about another Baldwin. Hilaria has named her seventh kid—wait for it—Ilaria. Lots to unpack. Sami and Aleen wrap up by predicting which songs Rihanna will sing at the Super Bowl before, of course, deciding who’s going to the Cayman Islands.

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From Adam Levine to the queen, there’s a lot to discuss. But first, Sami and Aleen share their peaks and pits from their retreat this past weekend (sadly Jordana is out today). The mutual peak? Hanging out on the couch and watching Tell Me Lies. They then give the full run down on all of the Adam Levine and Sumner Stroh cheating drama, and debate the big q—if you’re once a cheater are you always a cheater? Towards the end of that convo a special guest jumps in—Samantha Bush, AKA unofficial royal correspondent—to unpack the never ending royal tea. After the royal corner, they discuss Blake Lively’s adorable Insta post, and how she rightfully called out the paparazzi (go Blake go). They wrap up by breaking down the most predictable scam. You know those Kardashian giveaway posts? Yeah, well Kim K and Scott Disick are being sued for $40 million over them. Maybe Kim can defend them with her new law firm?

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Did someone say girl’s trip? Sami, Aleen, and Jordana are headed on a quick getaway this weekend to hike, bond, and sh*t talk (just a little). And speaking of sh*t talking, Jordana and Aleen have some thoughts about House of the Dragon. What’s with all of the uncomfortable sex scences? Then onto discussing The Patient which, despite Sami not watching the show, Jordana and Aleen still use her account—relatable. Jordana has one more show to discuss, Tell Me Lies, before they dive into an Emmys recap. Re: that weird Jimmy Kimmel incident & Sheryl Lee Ralph’s amazing speech. Sami then gives a full breakdown on all of the royal drama post-Queen Elizabeth’s death (RIP), before they quickly discuss Lemme, Kourtney Kardashian’s new company. Lemme guess, it’s a wellness product?

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This one goes out to the legend, Elizabeth. Jordana, Aleen, and Sami are IRL in the studio this week, and they get the notification of the queen’s passing while on air. Sami breaks down the royal family drama and Jordana questions the line of succession—are you sure it’s really Charles next? He just doesn’t give very king-like vibes. Then, Aleen is very ready to discuss the movie of the moment—Don’t Worry Darling and all of its many worries. Sami gives the lowdown on all of the drama and they pose the big q’s: Are Harry Styles and Olivia Wilde still together? Did Harry actually spit on Chris Pine? What’s up with Chris Pine’s hair? They wrap up with which Brit is going to the Cayman Islands this week. Hint: his name is Harry and he’s not a prince.

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Before getting into the packed week of pop culture news, Sami recaps her Israel trip. Despite not being able to eat fries at the hotel’s pool, she still had a great time. Then Aleen and Jordana jump in to debrief the first celeb story: Leo DiCaprio’s break up. They go through Leo’s roster of girlfriends past, and realize he needs to get on U Up? stat. Then Jordana shares her latest revelation—watching tennis is actually fun. They all chat about Serena Williams’ final US Open, before debriefing her episode on Meghan Markle’s new podcast. They unpack the big q—who really is Meghan? The show wraps up with yet another discussion of Bennifer’s wedding, re: NDAs and the leaked dancing video. But who’s going to the Cayman Islands this week, might you ask? Hint: he was kissing Addison Rae’s mom at the VMAs.

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They grow up so fast! Aleen shares all of the deets about Mila’s first bday party, and no, Jordana wasn’t invited. Don’t worry, it was a family-only affair, and yes, Jordana still analyzed every pic to make sure none of their other friends were there either. Meanwhile, Jordana went on a weekend trip to Charleston (sadly had no Southern Charm sightings). But speaking of celebs in the south, they debrief Bennifer’s three day wedding extravaganza in Georgia. Why wasn’t Casey Affleck in attendance? Then onto the *other* wedding—Sarah Hyland and Wells Adams tied the knot with a lot of the Modern Family cast. Jordana and Aleen wrap up the show with a whirlwind of celeb news: Scott Disick has a new, older-than-him girlfriend; Barbie Ferreira says goodbye to Euphoria; Taylor Swift is getting sued—again. Tune in for the breakdown.

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Welp folks, Sami’s leaving to go camp in the desert. Ok fine, she’s staying in a hotel and she’s just going on vacation, but this sparks a convo with Aleen and Jordana about adventure trips, go-bags, apocalypses. You know, the usual stuff. After they forget how they started talking about apocalypses in the first place, they pivot to the actual usual stuff—celeb news. Re: the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt airplane altercation story. How did they get to this breaking point? And Brad Pitt might be dating who?! TBH, they realize Brad should be dating Ben Affleck (they give v similar vibes), but unfortunately Ben can’t right now—he and JLo are entering their 3 day wedding extravaganza. Then onto Kathy Hilton’s philanthropic endeavors for homeless people, which oddly segues well into Kanye’s latest Yeezy x Gap collection. Is Kanye fetishizing homeless people? They wrap up with TV talk and have the great debate: what makes an icon?

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That’s a wrap! U Up? Live has officially solved dating everywhere, and Jordana, Aleen, and Sami give the highlight reel. But there’s still one (ex)couple no one can figure out—the mystery that is Kim K and Pete Davidson. The ever surprising duo broke things off, and we have q’s: Was the relationship real and the break-up is the PR stunt? What’s going to happen to Pete’s Kim tattoos? And most importantly, who will they date next? Then onto another ex-couple who made headlines this week—Britney Spears and Kevin Federline with the parenting video drama. Lots to unpack. There might also be trouble in newlyweds Brooklyn Beckham and Nicola Peltz’s billionaire paradise, and they dive into the age-old rift of wife vs mother-in-law (AKA Nicky vs Vicky). The show wraps up with Aleen’s fav topic: JAffleck was spotted canoodling at Dunkin Donuts. We just want to know, did JLo get munchkins? 

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Aleen is sussed out with Britney Spears—maybe she’s not as free as the #FreeBritney movement thinks. Are the red posts on her insta red flags? Next, they debate Will Smith’s apology to Chris Rock over the Oscars slap. Jordana appreciates him owning the mistake, but not hating himself for making it. Then they cover Taylor Swift’s 170 Private plane trips THIS YEAR. Sami is convinced it’s a plot by Kris Jenner to defend Kylie. Chrissy Teigen is pregnant, and Beyonce’s new album has the bops we all needed, minus some controversial wording. Meanwhile, Monica Lewinsky does not approve… 8 years later. Finally, JAffleck announced a huge wedding reception, and we are NOT happy about it. What happened to their pure, intimate love?

DM us who you would send to the Cayman Islands this week to sell timeshares.

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PSA: U Up? Live shows are really f*cking fun. Jordana shares all the deets from the Chicago show, which did include an onstage makeout sesh. Sami and Aleen can’t wait to join you at the NYC show, so be sure to get your tix ASAP. Then onto Aleen’s highly anticipated J-Affleck honeymoon theory. Are JLo and Ben actually a PR stunt after all? They debate, and Sami presents some pretty convincing evidence you’ll def want to hear. Speaking of industry intel, they chat about Sydney Sweeney’s latest interview breaking down the real Hollywood struggle. Group conclusion? Massive respect for you, Sydney. They wrap up discussing the people’s qualm: Instagram, you’re ruining everything. Where TF did the pics go? Let’s just say there are some top contenders for this week’s Hollywood Purgatory decision. IYKYK.

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