Better in Bed | A Sex & Sexuality Podcast with Sarasense

How do you perceive sex work and sex workers? And why does the stigma around sex work exist?

Sara and co-host Prescott interview Vanessa Ho of Project X, a non-profit group dedicated to advocating for sex workers' rights in Singapore.

Vanessa helps to clarify some of the biggest misconceptions around sex work, and shares with us how the nature of sex work has changed over the years.

We discuss the draconian laws in many Asian countries surrounding sex work and the risks and dangers many sex workers face because they are afraid to come forward due to the stigma and shame associated with the profession.

By learning more about the why's, what's and who's of sex work, this thoughtful episode helps us examine where our own biases and prejudice regarding sex work come from, and challenges us to regard the profession with more compassion.

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• Detailed show notes for this episode here.

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After a year of lockdowns, what's being called the "summer of love" is upon us - wherein people are keen to release their pent up sexual energy.

So on this Sex FAQs episode, Sara chats with relationship coach and clinical hypnotherapist, Valentina Tudose about all things casual…casual sex that is!

Together we tackle common questions crowdsourced from listeners on the following topics:

• how to transition from a long term relationship to casual sex
• changing our mindsets about finding the right person
• what to do about "catches feelings" in a casual situation
• overcoming society's judgement about casual sex
• the motivation behind unsolicited dick pics, and if its ever ok

We also talk about the benefits of casual sex and dating, and give some tips on how to enjoy it while staying true to yourself. If you're single or casually dating, this episode is one you won't want to miss.

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• Detailed show notes available here

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Calling all penis owners and penis lovers! Want to know how to make sex last longer, and avoid finishing too soon?

On this episode, Sara chats with Jeff Abraham, CEO of Promescent, who shares some great pointers on one of the most common penis challenges - early or premature ejaculation (PE).

We start off by discussing the various ways to manage the anxiety, shame and fear around PE and its impact on penis performance.

Some of the strategies include talking openly with our partners, and focusing in on their pleasure instead of just being fixated on the duration of sex as a metric of performance.

After all, longer sex doesn't always equate to better sex!

Jeff also offers some practical tips on how to introduce toys and other sex-enhancing products in a confident, constructive manner.

Particularly, Promescent's trademark delay spray for penis owners and arousal gel for vulva owners can be used together can help to close the heterosexual orgasm gap.

This episode will help all penis owners (and their partners) increase intimacy, stay present in the moment and connect on a deeper level.

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• Detailed show notes for this episode here.

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[This episode was recorded live as part of the Hong Kong Podcast Festival 2021]

Are you using your pelvic floor to experience better sex and orgasms?

On this live episode, Sara is joined by Trista Chan, a Pelvic Health Physiotherapist from Joint Dynamics to discuss the link between the pelvic floor and the role it plays in our sex lives.

Trista explains what exactly the pelvic floor is and how to locate these muscles in the body. We also discuss the numerous sexual health benefits of strengthening the pelvic floor for all genders through Kegels and other physical exercises.

We discuss the lack of awareness surrounding the pelvic floor, and dispel the notion that strengthening the pelvic floor is only relevant to women post-childbirth.

In fact, men also have a pelvic floor, which helps them experience stronger erections as well as other health benefits.

Trista then guides the live audience a practical step-by-step process of how to do a Kegel, and encourages everyone to take the opportunity to practice doing Kegels whenever they can. Boring office meetings will never be the same again!

Check out this short and informative episode to learn more about Kegels the correct way, and how they can potentially improve your sex life!

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• Detailed show notes for this episode here.

P.S. If you've gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)

Why do we love having sexual fantasies, and what are their benefits?

On this episode, Sara chats with guests Mo and Andy, who are stand-up comedians that host the local Ho Ho Hong Kong podcast so be prepared for some big laughs.

We discuss how sexual fantasies stimulate arousal, are an escape from reality (like the pandemic), alleviate boredom and can even help us heal from past traumas.

We each share a few of our own personal stories around our favourite sexual fantasies and whether the reality lived up to our expectations. You might never look a camel the same way again!

We discuss how comfortable we are sharing and exploring our fantasies with our partners, and the role of boundaries in that conversation.

Sara presents some fascinating research around the top 3 most common sexual fantasies and how our fantasies may align with our personalities.

She also reads out several crowdsourced sexual fantasies that showcase the diversity and creativity of the human imagination. Mo and Andy respond with hilarious results.

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• Detailed show notes for this episode here.

P.S. If you've gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)

What does consent look like, and how do you make it sexy?

In this episode, Sara invites sex-positive friends Jessica and Prescott Gaylord to talk about their personal experiences on consent.

Prescott is an improv actor and instructor who facilitates consent workshops. And on the show, he gives us practical techniques and exercises on how to establish better consent and boundaries.

We talk about our definitions of consent and how our personal feelings towards this concept have evolved over time. Particularly with the #metoo movement bringing this discussion to the forefront.

One key consent technique we discuss on the show is shifting our feelings around the word "no". Often a "no" is construed as a rejection, and followed by frustration or disappointment.

However, by learning to celebrate "no", it gives us an opportunity to be more aware of someone's boundaries and accept this as a positive thing. This concept may take a little time to get used to but it's definitely something worth thinking about.

We also demonstrate how a simple question like, "how do you like to be ____?" can make asking for consent really hot and sexy.

This empowering episode will help you to feel more confident about asking for consent and expressing your own boundaries without shame or guilt.

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• Detailed show notes and resources here

P.S. If you've gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)

Is long-distance a deal-breaker for your sex and love life, or can it actually make things hotter and better?

In this episode, Sara chats with sex-positive friends Helen and James, who have both been in long-term long-distance relationships and are happy to share their experiences.

We talk about some of the difficulties couples may experience with intimacy and the misunderstandings that occur over long-distance relationships.

But more importantly, we talk about how to keep it sexy and fun!

We explore the benefits of being in a long-distance relationship, such as independence and the space to cultivate desire, and how to build a strong foundation for your relationship to grow on.

We also get down and dirty sharing some ideas on how to keep things steamy, share personal intimate moments through sexting, video chats, photos, and even toys that can be used across the world!

We learn that it takes trust, great communication, clearly defined boundaries, constant dedication and a safe place to explore your sexuality if you want to keep your spark alive across long distance.

Long distance sex and relationships are hard work. But they can actually help us gain the skills to help us get better at our in-person relationships.

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• Support our sponsor and keep this show FREE: Download Pure
• Detailed show notes and resources here

P.S. If you've gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)

Sexual desire, or libidos, naturally ebb and flow. Sometimes over a course of a single day. So one of the most common challenges that couples face in relationships is a loss of desire or mismatched libidos. Often in these situations, sex begins to feel like a chore or a performance, which leads to further avoidance.

On this Sex FAQs episode, Sara and relationship coach, Valentina Tudose from Happy Ever After tackle common questions crowdsourced from listeners around the topics of desire, and how to take sex from performance to pleasure:

1. "How can we restart our sex life after having a baby? I'm in the mood more often than my wife, but hesitant to bring it up with her as I'm afraid it will lead to conflict."
2. "I have a far stronger libido than my partner. When we do have sex, it tends to be the same every time, without much enthusiasm and passion. We've talked about it but she just doesn't have the same interest in it that I do."
3. "I've always thought of sex as a performance and for my partner's pleasure rather than myself. When my partner asks me what I want, I find myself not knowing what I want as well. Is there anything that can help him and us?"
4. "I used to enjoy sex but find myself avoiding it because it feels like too much hard work and gives me very little pleasure. I focus so much on not coming too fast that it takes me ages to get there and I sometimes just give up. What can I do to learn to enjoy it again?"
5. "I have been trying to get my wife pregnant but it seems my body disagrees. I am having trouble getting hard and when it happens, it only lasts a short time. Please help."

Valentina and Sara talk about broadening the experience of sex beyond just orgasm, and approaching it with a sense of curiosity, fun and playfulness. Adopting a "performance mindset" around sex (i.e. reaching orgasm) usually results in unsatisfying sex, and lead to couples overlooking other ways of building physical and emotional intimacy.

We also discuss strategies for couples to introduce novelty, explore each other's bodies, and take responsibility for their own sexual pleasure. After all, sexual desire is built on the assumption that you're having the kind of sex that is worth craving!

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• Want more Better in Bed? Get my free audio guide now
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• Support our sponsor and keep this show FREE: Download Pure
• Detailed show notes and resources here.

P.S. If you've gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)

Dirty talk usually gets a bad rep. After all, sex isn't dirty – so why should talking about it be?

On this hilarious episode, Sara chats with her sex-positive friends Kat and James, who are never short on things to say, in the bedroom or otherwise. We talk about the many benefits of dirty talk – from building fantasy, increasing arousal, establishing consent, getting validation and connecting more deeply with one's partner.

We explore the many different styles – from flirty, naughty, seductive to filthy and degrading – and agree its all in the delivery. We also dish the dirt on our personal best and worst sex talk experiences, which words turn us on or off, and give best practices for sexting.

Learn how to master the art of dirty talk as we come up with ideas for easy phrases for shy beginners, and other must-dos when it comes to the language of sex.

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• Want more Better in Bed? Get my free audio guide now
• Follow @hellosarasense on Instagram
• Support our sponsor and keep this show FREE: Download Pure
• Detailed show notes and resources here.

P.S. If you've gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)

How has the global pandemic affected your sex and love life? And how can you 'corona-proof' your relationship against the stress, uncertainty and conflict?

A crisis like the one we find ourselves in accelerates the dynamics of any relationship, and you may feel more intense emotions for each other or reach breaking point more quickly.

We're all concerned about staying physically healthy during these times; but it just as important to keep your relationships safe, strong and healthy too.

Sara chats with clinical psychologist Dr. Kimberly Carder, as we discuss practical strategies and solutions to answer the following crowdsourced questions from followers:

1. How do I reduce anxiety for myself, and comfort and reassure my partner during this crisis?

1. I'm around my partner all the time, and we don't have much desire for sex right now. How can we spice things up and re-capture that sense of excitement?

1. We're both stuck at home at this intense time, which is driving us to nitpick and fight with each other over lots of small things that wouldn't normally bother us. What can we do?

1. My partner and I are stuck in different cities, and I'm feeling lonely and bored now that we're separated. What can we do to feel more connected?

1. My partner thinks I am over reacting and minimizes my fear of the coronavirus, how can I get them to take it more seriously?

1. Is it even safe to have sex these days?

Kim and Sara talk about why the power of "teamwork" is more essential than ever during these times, and the need for the 4Cs – creativity, communication, connection and commitment – to strengthen any relationship, and keep things hot and sexy!

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Detailed show notes for this episode here

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