In Bed With Alexa: Have Better Sex

Are our dating standards keeping us single? Are we too quick to label people toxic, narcissistic, or full of red flags? Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in bed with sex therapist and author Todd Baratz for a conversation about modern dating, sex, intimacy, relationship anxiety, and why finding a healthy relationship might require us to rethink everything we’ve been taught about love.

Does a healthy relationship mean never having doubts or never going to bed angry? Todd challenges popular relationship advice and explains why real connection requires vulnerability, curiosity, discomfort, and the willingness to do the work.

Topics discussed:

• Modern dating and disconnection: How social media and wider cultural changes influence connection, intimacy, and the way we relate to each other.

• Vulnerability and emotional intimacy: Why opening up feels so difficult, how our defenses protect us from rejection, and why emotional closeness requires ongoing self-work.

• Dating standards and the search for the perfect partner: How unrealistic expectations and the pursuit of an ideal relationship can shrink your dating pool.

• Red flags, dealbreakers, and dating anxiety: Whether political differences, wanting children, lifestyle preferences, and other incompatibilities should determine who gets a chance.

• Entitlement, self-worth, and reciprocity: What we deserve in relationships and why healthy relationships require collaboration rather than one-sided demands.

• Couples therapy and emotional labor: What happens when one partner is ready to work on the relationship and the other resists.

• Relationship doubts and the fear of commitment: Why doubt is a normal part of making choices and why you don't need to feel 100% certain about your partner.

• Closure and heartbreak: Whether closure is necessary to heal, how to process grief without someone else's apology, and why the popular advice “if they wanted to, they would” can create more disconnection.

• Why the right relationship can trigger you: How intimacy brings unresolved childhood wounds to the surface, why the real question is how partners respond to conflict, and how repair and emotional safety distinguish a challenging relationship from a harmful one.

• Therapy speak and performative healing: Why words like “boundaries,” “attachment,” “triggered,” “holding space,” and “narcissist” can lose their meaning when they're used to avoid vulnerability rather than create genuine connection.

• Trauma, anxiety, and self-awareness: Why understanding your history is not the same as feeling and processing it, why we may need to worry less, and how to stop turning every difficult experience into an intellectual exercise.

• Therapy, self-help, and doing the work: Why practical steps such as therapy, books, and relationship resources can help us grow, and why insight alone doesn't automatically change our behavior.

• Authenticity and being yourself: Todd's perspective on showing up as a real person rather than performing a polished therapist persona, the pressure to maintain different identities at work and in relationships, and why humor, honesty, and imperfection matter.

• Todd's personal struggles and growth: His experiences with being single, solitude, relationship challenges, heartbreak, self-care, and decades of therapy and how he handles difficult emotions without beating himself up.

• Discomfort, shame, and curiosity: Why learning to tolerate uncertainty, asking more questions, challenging rigid thinking, and becoming more open to other people can create deeper connections.

Follow Todd:Instagram: @yourdiagnonsense

Website: www.toddsbaratz.com

Follow Alexa Andre:Instagram: @sexwithalexa

Patreon: https://patreon.com/sexwithalexa

Book a call: https://www.sexwithalexa.co/book-online

Sponsor:

Thank you, Beducated, for making this exploration possible. Take their quiz to start your journey: https://beducate.me/alexa 

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets back in bed with Carly from Read Aurore to talk about why affairs, cheating, secrecy, and other taboo desires can be so damn hot.

What makes an affair feel so passionate? Why does forbidden sex create such intense desire? And can cheating ever be understandable—or even acceptable—depending on the circumstances? Alexa and Carly get into the complicated psychology of infidelity, including why people cheat, why an affair isn't necessarily about the person being cheated on, the power of secrecy and feeling chosen, and why affairs between two people who are both in relationships can feel more equal than an affair between a partnered person and someone single.

Topic discussed:

• Affairs and infidelity: why affairs happen and why they're sexually appealing
• Cheating and relationship agreements
• Whether you should tell someone their partner is cheating
• The “what you don't know can't hurt you” debate
• The ethics of being the other person in an affair
• Married people cheating with single people
• Why people having affairs often don't leave their primary relationships
• The idea of financial compensation in an affair 
• Esther Perel and The State of Affairs
• Cheating in abusive or neglectful relationships
• Cheating when a partner is sick or disabled
• Sexual needs within long-term relationships
• Sexual incompatibility
• Sex workers and whether hiring one constitutes cheating
• Defining what “cheating” means in a relationship
• Porn as a potential form of cheating
• Open relationships and the possibility of cheating within them
• Public sex/public play
• The thrill and risk of getting caught
• Sex in semi-public places
• Privacy, consent, and the ethics of public sexual behavior
• Being walked in on during sex
• Consensual/role-play affairs
• The fantasy of secrecy without actual betrayal
• Hotel rooms and sneaking around
• Fear of getting caught
• Feeling chosen/special through an affair
• Novelty and new relationship energy

Follow Carly:Instagram: @readaurore

Website: www.readaurore.com 

Follow Alexa Andre:Instagram: @sexwithalexa

Patreon: https://patreon.com/sexwithalexa

Book a call: https://www.sexwithalexa.co/book-online

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in bed with certified holistic sexuality educator and embodied intimacy & relationship coach Lauren Elise Rogers for a deeply honest conversation about sexual trauma, healing, pleasure, intimacy, consent, and reclaiming your relationship with your body.

In this episode:

• Sexual trauma and sexual assault
• Consent and coercion
• Why sexual trauma can be underreported
• Shame and sex-negative culture
• Rape culture and normalizing sexual harm
• Victim vs. survivor language
• Why healing is not linear
• Trauma, fear and helplessness
• Processing an experience after it happens
• Talking to a safe person after trauma
• Trauma and the body
• Accountability and taking responsibility
• Apologies and relationship repair
• Defensiveness and ego after causing harm
• Listening to impact instead of defending intent
• Asking curious questions
• Communication and empathy
• Sex educators and trauma therapists working together
• Pleasure as part of healing
• Reclaiming intimacy after sexual trauma
• Sex after sexual assault
• Pelvic-floor responses and sexual tension
• Triggers and nervous-system responses
• Neural pathways and creating new experiences of safety
• Somatic healing and body-based responses
• Shaking, movement, dancing and laughter
• Orgasm and pleasure
• Play as a healing modality
• Trauma becoming connected to erotic arousal
• Forgiveness vs. reconciliation
• Boundaries after harm
• Self-forgiveness
• Healing within healthy relationships
• Time, memory and healing
• Why healing doesn't necessarily mean never being triggered
• Reclaiming pleasure, agency and identity
• Building a life beyond simply “surviving”

Follow Lauren:Instagram: @sex_ed_for_you

Website: www.sexedforyou.com

Follow Alexa Andre:Instagram: @sexwithalexa

Patreon: https://patreon.com/sexwithalexa

Book a call: https://www.sexwithalexa.co/book-online

Sponsor:

Thank you, Beducated, for making this exploration possible. Take their quiz to start your journey: https://beduc.at/pd2638-alexa

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in bed with sex educator, event planner and author Niki Davis for a conversation about sexual shame, uncommon desires, kinks, fetishes, fantasies, self-pleasure, relationships and the psychology of arousal.

Why do so many people feel ashamed of what turns them on? Niki Davis shares what she has learned from working with people with uncommon desires and explains the difference between shame and guilt, how shame can create a spiral of negative thoughts, and why people can feel like they have a “fetish self” and a separate identity.

Topics discussed:
• Sexual shame and how to recognize it• Shame vs. guilt• Uncommon sexual desires• Kinks vs. fetishes• Sexual fantasies• How the brain influences arousal• Whether desires can change or evolve• Exposure and developing new desires• Partner acceptance and exploring a partner’s kink• Balloon fetishes (poppers vs non-poppers)• Wet floor sign fetishes• Foot fetish• Carpet fetishism and Giorgio Carpet• Vore and being swallowed fantasies• Fantasy vs. real-life sexual experiences• Threesomes as fantasy vs. reality• Scat play• Disgust and arousal• Finding community around uncommon desires• Shame spirals and negative thought loops• Identifying sexual and emotional triggers• Keeping a thought log• Exploring kinks independently• Using imagination as part of erotic experiences

Follow Niki:Instagram: @missbloomsexeducator

Website: www.nikidavisf.com

Follow Alexa Andre:Instagram: @sexwithalexa

Patreon: https://patreon.com/sexwithalexa

Book a call: https://www.sexwithalexa.co/book-online

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in bed with gynecologist, sexual medicine expert, and author Dr. Maria Sophocles to talk openly about painful sex, vaginal health, sexual pleasure, menopause, low desire, and everything in between.

Topics discussed:

• Why does sex hurt? How common is painful sex, and when should you see a doctor? Dr. Maria Sophocles breaks down the most common causes of sexual pain, including vaginal dryness and inadequate lubrication, lack of arousal, vaginismus and a hypertonic pelvic floor, dermatologic conditions such as lichen sclerosus, STIs including herpes, chlamydia and gonorrhea, and internal causes such as endometriosis, ovarian cysts, fibroids and scarring.
• Alexa and Dr. Sophocles also get into why lubrication isn't the same thing as arousal, the importance of taking time before penetration, sexual scripting, communication with your partner, the orgasm gap, faking orgasms, low libido and desire differences, and why treating pain can sometimes bring sexual desire back.
• They discuss estrogen, genitourinary syndrome of menopause, perimenopause, postpartum and breastfeeding-related changes, surgical menopause, chemotherapy, vaginal estrogen, systemic estrogen, birth control and its potential effects on dryness and libido, as well as pelvic floor physical therapy, Kegels and pelvic floor relaxation.
• The conversation also covers PMS and period symptoms, breast tenderness, mood changes, back pain, exercise, sleep, meditation, mindfulness, magnesium, ibuprofen, vitamin E and evening primrose oil.
• Pap smears, trauma during gynecological exams, pediatric speculums, lubricant during Pap testing, and the future of at-home HPV/Pap sample collection. 
• They also play fact vs.fiction on cotton underwear, synthetic underwear, thongs, tight leggings, sweating after workouts, panty liners, vaginal discharge, vulva washing, soap, feminine washes, vaginal pH, normal genital odor, BV, boric acid, antibiotics, the vaginal microbiome, diet, fermented foods, probiotics/microbiome testing, vulvar irritation, pubic hair and friction.

Follow Dr. Sophocles:Instagram: @mariasophoclesmd

Website: www.mariasophoclesmd.com

Follow Alexa Andre:Instagram: @sexwithalexa

Patreon: https://patreon.com/sexwithalexa

Sponsor:

Thank you, Beducated, for making this exploration possible. Take their quiz to start your journey: https://beduc.at/pd2638-alexa

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in bed with sex educator Jill Lissner, aka @sexedprincesss, forconversation about performative sex, pleasure, body image, consent, communication, and the weird sex trends taking over the internet.

Topics covered:

• Performative sex and what it means
• Pleasure vs. performance
• Authentic/non-performative sex
• Gendered expectations around appearance
• Penis size, erections and stamina
• Moaning and performing sounds
• Staying quiet because of shame or expectations
• Soft penises and body acceptance
• Decentering penetration
• Mutual masturbation and vulnerability
• Porn as a performance
• Being perceived and worrying how you look
• Likeability, acceptance and social performance
• Reducing performance anxiety through exposure
• “Spectatoring” during sex
• Advocating for your needs during sex
• Defaulting to giving as a performance
• Preference vs. performance
• Orgasm faces
• “Cracked” and modern sexual terminology
• Active participation in sex
• Riding/on-top positions and performing for appearance
• Recording sexual experiences
• Penetration as a performance expectation
• Critical thinking about sexual norms
• Internet sex trends
• Ball maxing/scrotum maxing
• Scrotum size and attraction
• How sexual trends spread online
• The need for more scientific research on emerging sex trends

Follow Jill:Instagram: @sexedprincesss

Follow Alexa Andre:Instagram: @sexwithalexa

Patreon: https://patreon.com/sexwithalexa

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets back in bed with Small Hands (Aaron Thompson) to talk about what really creates sexual attraction, the difference between confidence and competence, rough sex, kink, consent, boundaries, and the fantasies people don't always know how to talk about.

In this episode:

• Non-sexual turn-ons and how they become sexual turn-ons
• Hands, feet, scent and other physical turn-ons
• Acts of service, chores, cleaning and thoughtfulness as turn ons
• Appreciation, validation and keeping long-term relationships connected
• Boundary talks before professional collaborations
• Reading someone's comfort level and adjusting in the moment
• Sexual toys, magic wands, lube and taking initiative
• Confidence vs. competence
• Why competence may be more attractive than confidence
• Humility, ego and letting actions speak for themselves
• Sexual performance anxiety and the pressure to “deliver”
• Small Hands' first gangbang and early experiences in porn
• CNC (consensual non-consent) fantasies
• Dark fantasies and the importance of genuine desire and safety
• Kink, trauma and how life experiences can shape sexual interests
• Reclaiming autonomy through fantasy
• The unexpected origins of a foot fetish
• What “rough sex” actually means
• Physical, verbal and psychological elements of rough sex
• Why rough sex requires context, intent and communication
• Rough sex vs. disrespect
• Consent, boundaries and negotiating BDSM/kink
• Choking and assuming a partner wants it
• Hot ways of checking in during sex 
• Why porn should never be treated as a guide for real-life behavior
• Trust and safety as foundations for exploring darker fantasies
• Small Hands' private fantasy of slow, romantic, sensual sex

Follow Aaron:
Instagram: @thesmallhands_

Follow Alexa Andre:
Instagram: @sexwithalexa

Patreon: https://patreon.com/sexwithalexa

Sponsor:

Thank you, Beducated, for making this exploration possible. Take their quiz to start your journey: https://beduc.at/pd2633-alexa

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in back bed with Dr. Evan Goldstein, founder of Bespoke Surgical, creator of Future Method, and author of Butt Seriously. They discuss anal health, pleasure, preparation, and all the questions people are often too embarrassed to ask.

Topics discussed in this episode:

• Anal pleasure and breaking down taboos and myths
• Exploring anal stimulation for the first time
• The P-spot/prostate and prostate orgasms
• The A-spot and anal pleasure for women
• Topping vs. bottoming
• Why tops should understand anal anatomy
• Anal foreplay and gradual penetration
• The three sphincter muscles
• Breathing, relaxation and communication
• Pain, bleeding and discomfort during anal sex
• Lube and why anal sex differs from vaginal sex
• Penis size, thickness and anatomy
• Mushroom-shaped penises and preparation
• Bad first anal experiences
• Self-exploration and masturbation
• Pressure vs. in-and-out stimulation
• Riding and controlling penetration
• Dilators and gradual anal training
• Anatomy vs. psychological/neurological factors
• Bleeding, tightness and when to seek medical care
• Poop during anal sex
• Shame and anxiety around cleanliness
• Douching and over-douching
• Gut health, fiber and diet
• Prebiotics and probiotics
• Food and how diet can affect anal sex
• Condoms and anal sex
• PrEP and DoxyPEP
• The “toy test” after douching
• Hemorrhoids and what they actually are
• Fissures and skin tags
• Pegging and strap-on play
• Prostate massage and prostate milking
• Edging and gooning
• Anal Botox and pelvic floor physical therapy
• Butt facials
• Butt acne, ingrown hairs and hair removal
• Wet wipes and anal irritation
• Bidets and portable bidets
• Toilet paper vs. water-based cleaning
• Evan's work with Bespoke Surgical and Future Method

Follow Dr. G:Instagram: @drevangoldstein | @bespokesurgical | @thefuturemethod

Website and more: Bespoke Surgical

Follow Alexa Andre:Instagram: @sexwithalexa

Patreon: https://patreon.com/sexwithalexa

Sponsor:

Thank you, Beducated, for making this exploration possible. Take their quiz to start your journey: https://beduc.at/pd2633-alexa

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in bed with Dr. Evan Goldstein, founder of Bespoke Surgical, creator of Future Method, and author of Butt Seriously. They do a deep dive into anal sex, butt health, and everything you've always wanted to ask about your asshole.

Topics Discussed

• Dr. Evan Goldstein's journey from heart surgery to anal surgery
• Coming out and discovering anal health as a medical specialty
• Cosmetic vs. functional anal procedures
• Hemorrhoids, fissures, skin tags, and anal anatomy
• Post-pregnancy anal changes
• Grooming injuries and anal skin concerns
• Confidence and body image around the anus
• Anal bleaching and whether it's worth it
• Perineum "sunning"
• What makes a "healthy" vs. "perfect" asshole
• The truth about anal douching
• Protecting the anal microbiome
• Why over-douching can increase STI and HIV risk
• Future Method and isotonic douching
• Safe products to use in the anus
• Can anal sex make you loose?
• Incontinence myths
• Male vs. female pelvic anatomy
• Anal Botox
• When surgery is necessary
• Dilators for beginners
• Fingering mistakes that cause injuries
• Proper lubrication
• Relaxation techniques for anal penetration
• Understanding the three anal sphincters
• The three "types" of assholes
• Building up to anal safely
• How often bottoms should practice
• Fiber, probiotics, hydration, and digestive health
• Whether everyone needs to douche
• Preparing for occasional anal sex
• The prostate (P-spot)
• The A-spot
• Prostate orgasms
• Common myths surrounding anal sex
• How to reduce injury while maximizing pleasure

Follow Dr. G:Instagram: @drevangoldstein | @bespokesurgical | @thefuturemethod

Website and more: Bespoke Surgical

Follow Alexa Andre:Instagram: @sexwithalexa

Patreon: https://patreon.com/sexwithalexa

Sexologist Alexa Andre (@sexwithalexa) gets in bed with Carly, founder of Read Aurore, to talk about why written erotica is becoming one of the most powerful tools for pleasure, communication and self-discovery. 

Together they explore how true erotic stories differ from fantasy, why women are increasingly choosing erotica over visual porn, the psychology behind imagination and desire, how writing about sex can help process emotions and improve communication, and how reading erotica can inspire better sex and stronger relationships.

Topics discussed:

• Carly's path to creating Aurora Erotica
• Interviewing strangers about sex
• Dating in Europe vs New York
• Vacation confidence and sexual freedom
• Why true stories are hotter than fantasy
• Turning real experiences into erotica
• Writing as emotional processing
• First-time sex that is actually good
• Why men should read erotica
• Women's real sexual desires
• Affairs and taboo fantasies
• Open relationships vs secret affair
• How Aurore selects submissions
• Writing as therapy
• Rewriting difficult experiences
• Smut vs erotica
• Romance vs erotica
• The decline in Gen Z sexual activity
• Benefits of reading erotica
• Benefits of writing erotica
• Reliving pleasurable experiences
• Reading erotica together as foreplay

Follow Carly:Instagram: @readaurore

Website: readaurore.com

Follow Alexa Andre:Instagram: @sexwithalexa

Patreon: https://patreon.com/sexwithalexa

Sponsor:

Thank you, Beducated, for making this exploration possible. Take their quiz to start your journey: https://beduc.at/pd2629-alexa