last night I did a little sharing of my story with a family group of people that our loved ones of people diagnosed with mental health conditions and the first hour they do their class material and then the second hour I share my story and I've done it a couple of times before and so I was actually struck by the conversation that happened they read a part of the material that says recovery is the development of a new ego and identity structures to replace those damaged by our illnesses recovery is about wellness that is the redevelopment of a new and healthier personality and lifestyle an independent personality that is strong enough to stand on its own recovery takes place through creation of new patterns of behavior that make our lives more satisfying and productive and from that there was a conversation by the parents and loved ones and they were kind of saying how their loved ones are in the grief stage of they can't get back to who they were before so when I shared my story I talked about that i believe it is about creating a new self you can't really get back to the one that you were before and i didn't really say but if a person gets stuck in the grief face it's going to make it so one can't really move into this phase of rediscovery and recreation of oneself and that may include some of the old structures and then this sheet goes on to be like oh you got to give up your hopes and dreams and build a dream of lesser whatever and stuff which is kind of old thinking but they're trying to put it in like a positive light but i still think that it's important to harvest one's mania if one had mania and move towards that not just about developing patterns of behavior and personality structures to help one function as a cog in the machine of the society because it's a cog in the machine of society that we're all suffering from uncertain number of us go into these supposed crisis mental illness states and it's a state of connecting with a different compass that wants us to create a different reality or we don't have to go into these states of crisis it's trying to show us something it's trying to show us that we're all one thing we're all one consciousness and we need to co-create towards that so that's why I don't really believe in personal recovery to just personally recover enough function to somewhat function in society and that's why I feel like I've done the best one I've been living in community or had a lot of interactions that are just based on being human and not really focused on mental illness at all so I was pretty inspired by just hearing their dialogue before I spoke I didn't say anything about it I was just listening to them but it seems like ever since that time I shared a couple of months ago and the woman said she's starting to believe her son that hey if we all acted this way we would create a different world or something whatever she said each time I go to something mental health-related it's usually a pleasant surprise and the perspective people are taking and and the one lady at the group yesterday even said well if they went back to their original personality that would just mean they would be back to beginning again they would be mentally ill again because that sort of was part of what caused the mental illness it was it was concurrent with the occurrence of the supposed mental illness and I was like wow that's kind of spot on because i think i might have said that before where someone new has to come into play so I definitely grieved the loss of my former self for several months but then I went like okay well I've got nothing to lose and everything to gain now so let's see what happens so I find it interesting that it's right in the literature of a family support group class that basically we need to create a new self and that's why I've talked about embodied mania and harvesting and practicing and embodying some of the grief is at least four people that go into mania is grieving the loss of manic co

it's so interesting that I was talking so much about dopamine brain in my last videos I think and then I listen to this talk by J Krishnamurti and David Bohm it was the 12th talk they had in 1975 and it's a really amazing bunch of conversations or dialogues and one could probably listen to it a million times over and get something different and I listened to it a number of months ago but when I listen to it this time everything they were talking about was exactly what I was saying with regard to the dopamine brain but they didn't say dopamine they said desire which is the same as pleasure and they are even talking about thought and thought is the same in a way as the ego but the ego sounds like an actual thing whereas thought is just individual thoughts which is one's voice and one's own head and they were basically talking about how that process is self-deception pretty much creating pleasure responses in order to deceive oneself because it's just getting pleasure from images so it's not really related to reality and i'll probably do a video soon about that because there were so many parallels but the one that was most incredible was at the end when Krishnamurti was talking about compassion he was talking about the word compassion and he was saying that word just really has effect on you like it's amazing but then what he was saying was that compassion is always different it's a mystery it's always different it's always a Infinite and he was really talking about that for not very long but it reminded me of what I was seeing about how I was talking about the inner human dimensions and how it might arise as play or as love or as spontaneity and then I went on to say that it's really always different each moment and that's sort of what he was saying about the word compassion that it's an unfolding and it's always different in that state of love Beauty truth is also compassion which is always different it's not a certain thing that was really interesting to me that that whole talk was sort of a mirror of what I was saying to myself in self dialogue and I think that endogenous biomolecules of the ego voice that are created when we're listening to our ego voice are different than when we're listening to the endo means of direct perception of actuality and interestingly enough I watched a Jason Silva video today on can we change the past and he was talking a lot about what it is I'm doing in a way because he was talking about if we reframe our story we actually changed the past because we're writing over that other store and we tele tell ourselves and i'll get to more of that later but he was pretty much describing exactly what it is that I'm doing so in a way it's becoming less congruent for me to work in mental health because I'm creating all this other context I'm trying to tell myself a different story and reframe and recontextualize even use the word recontextualize and that's what this is I'm recontextualizing this mental illness diagnosis based on what I perceived initially and I'm harvesting that and I've always had that held close to my heart but I've never spoken about it and I still don't have people to speak to about it so I'm just talking to myself and I was thinking about what is the quote unquote reward of the other state when we're not in a dopamine dominant brain state and I feel like it's actually the energy when we have direct perception we truly understand something we get energy we get a bit of a jolt of energy and we can't understand something when we're in our ego voice consciousness and it's wasting our energy so that waste of energy is preventing us from seeing which makes sense because we're meeting and that's preventing the eyes from actually directly perceiving something it's too busy creating impressions of past memories to take proper impressions of the reality all around so that other state is learning understanding creating playing and it would be always different each moment like the state of comp

I have officially being driven crazy by where I live so I'm sitting in my car in the rain out of quiet park last night I had a bit of a meltdown just all the noise was really getting to me I figure that with the job I have right now I just need less noise when maybe usually I could be okay with it one thing I didn't account for on my little jaunt to set it apart was the fact that eventually I'm going to have to pee I have a speaking engagement in a couple hours and it's about sharing my recovery story and I'm going to see if I can switch it up a little bit and share a bit more about the transformative nature of the experience and how it's like being transformed into someone with more empathy which makes it more difficult to go through society as it's designed even just saying the word difficult I don't want to need to say the word difficult I feel like I'm making my life difficult by staying in a paradigm that use people as difficult and having difficulties and having difficult lives so I've been feeling rather grumpy the last few days and I don't know if that's a sign to myself that this isn't the right paradigm maybe it's because I've been talking to myself so much about the other paradigm that this is feeling less congruent for me and I think about the last two years working in the mental health paradigm and trying to remember the number of times that I've really enjoyed myself and there's got to be some times but not a ton not like when I was working in a medical office and just having fun and it wasn't about the fact that I have a mental illness it was a very joyful and joyous place and I think about my newest job and the people I'll be relating to I can't imagine that it'll be like a joyous way of relating tired of convincing people of the value of pure support and like I said I don't even know how valuable it is within the system because the system turns it into something that it's not supposed to be because it doesn't understand the way that it helps people without setting goals and working towards goals and things like that it doesn't realize that when you really form a relationship with someone a person will just naturally start flower because we're designed to be related and through the process of having a diagnosis people often feel isolated and self stigmatized and all those things so the relationship helps to heal that which is impeding the person from naturally moving forward in their life so to go about it in a systematic way misses the point and then I'm thinking low B grade of people who are peer support workers could give feedback to the system to inform the system to support the system to change but I don't even know if they'll listen they're probably afraid that people would live experience will come in and take over their jobs and I was thinking about how before I talked about how recovery for what I don't like the term recovery anyway because I think it's a transformation it's recreation and rediscovery of oneself and it's developing new lines of intelligence that aren't valued by society so then they get sort of missed and lost and then gets funneled into this non-functional mentally ill person when they're supposed to flower into a different function so again recovery for what if you want to use the term recovery well right now I'm recovering in order to function in the mental health system and not necessarily function as the function that is innate within the transformative process itself so again and I'm the square peg trying to fit myself into a round hole maybe what I'm seeing with all this talking to myself with all the self dialogue is that not really moving into the context through which I'm speaking to myself about and it was interesting because I open this book that I have by Timothy Leary called your brain is God and I turned exactly to the page that talks about how Gaia uses the word gaya has divisions of labor for humans sort of like social insects and certain humans are supposed to do c

traffic noise just really annoying I drew a little diagram so the 528 Hertz is actually always available to us but when we have a thought as the ego at 7 41 and it's a faster frequency and it interrupts this so really it's like an ego thought and just a tiny little bit of the background the space in between thoughts that we don't actually notice because it's always talking so that would actually almost be like the equivalent of a breath in we can't really talk while we're taking a breath in you could almost imagine that when your ego voice is talking in your head that it needs to take a breath in between sentences and that breath is like a pause and that pause can actually be a lot longer and when we start to notice the space and perhaps identify with the space if you want to say identify them that is the silence from which sound comes from and when there's enough space it's the 528 Hertz and then that's when the 528 Hertz can actually hit our heart and our eyes because when we're not thinking we're not actually creating images on our mind screen so when that silence becomes more pronounced we actually can see and then when we can actually see with our eyes in our heart simultaneously we're going to have different impressions that are more like insights not thought memory voice sound image complexes and the silence there's no dopamine in silence so thinking is tied to dopamine I wonder if I feel like I get some kind of reward from seeing new insights I wonder wonder if that's dopamine or don't think it could be because it's not from the prefrontal cortex I think it's something else because learning this way is actually in my mind real learning just learning by observing not thinking and looking for answers and thinking other people are the ones that are going to tell me the answers because if I have a clear mind and a clear heart the universe will tell me the answers the answers that I wasn't even asking for because our brains are designed to learn in this way but they've been hijacked and when the mind is silent we can hear what's really there talking to us it's a different language it's a language of silence I think we have to have a silent mind in order to be able to recognize that language because the language of noise impedes that because with this if Olson the Eagles thoughts are largely gone there's just a little egos out here a little without here and the rest is 528 Hertz silence that's going to allow a perception insight to arise as a holistic impression that we then can unfold with language as we speak the whole sentence comes to us and it's not a sentence that is from the past ego and so we just speak the sentence we don't even pre form sentences that is from the associative process in the prefrontal cortex we don't need to be associating about reality in order to experience reality because the associations were making about reality are usually old I think dopamine is our voice it's I into our voice and oxytocin and something else is tied to giving voice to the insights perceived by clear perception of the universe and that's giving voice to that and giving voice to that is something completely different it would almost be like if I was able to look at a tree and almost tell the trees story from the trees perspective because it can't speak for itself that would seem a little bit strange but the trees might actually tell us something they might tell us man you human beings you're freaking doomed we wiII trees will be coming back our seats are everywhere I feel like part of this death feeling when one is losing grip of the ego when the ego is losing grip of us that is our voice losing grip of us and that's tied to dopamine I feel like it's almost dopamine withdrawal that makes us feel that terrified and if we're that terrified of dopamine withdrawal that's going to prevent the other circuits that are trying to come on line from being fired up so fear takes over and when fear is there it blocks the love that is als

I'm feeling a little grumpy but figured I'll make video anyway I don't know what it is exactly but I just feel bothered by reality right now perhaps after listening to that talk by those people who work in mental health about how they're all gung-ho about presenting different options about receiving people going through crisis and maybe they want to come off their meds and maybe they want to have less mats and different things like that presenting options and just knowing they're going to go on that sort of crusade in a way I feel like I want to participate but at the same time I'm not allowed I don't work for that part of the Health Authority so them experiencing that for one week at a conference now they get to go talk and share and present to all their colleagues and I've been living it for five and a half years and then researching it for the last two years and it's not even as long as so many people have and where's people's opportunity to have a voice they're just really isn't that and so I feel like I want to be like yes and jump for joy by the same time I think like it's sad that they're the people that get to speak up about it and share that kind of perspective when they haven't lived through it I guess they're sharing it with their colleagues and everything but it still bothers me a little bit because it's a chance to be like maybe try not pathology zhing so much maybe things might work a little bit better and and they're the ones that get to say that and so I guess I should be happy in a way but at the same time I feel almost like being like okay good it's in their hands maybe I don't have to do anything about it maybe I can just watch from the sidelines as it unfolds naturally sort of naturally I have a bit of a cold but talking to myself anyway and I tried to go to the park but then they were doing construction on the road right beside the park so I couldn't turn in the parking lot I had to go all the way around the block to park in the park and then I get in the park and all I can hear is the noise of that machine that's cutting a big slice in the pavement and so I was at the park for a few minutes in the night I just gave up my left there's no where to find peace and quiet around here it's just so much noise they even a park during the weekdays is not a park it's trucks backing up with their baby beep raking leaves and all this and bustle it's not a peaceful place it's not a natural park there's people doing stuff to the park everywhere as if the park can't take care of itself in some way and then I was looking for this woman who presented her email and so I was on the website of where she works or something and I look and it was funded by a family group whose son ended their life and so on the page it says so-and-so committed suicide and anything myself this is supposed to be like one of the most progressive places for mental health here and they're using committed suicide as language on the main page of the website and I'm like that is sad that stems from suicide being a crime and so the more acceptable language nowadays has died by suicide or something like that I don't know but to say committed suicide I just thought jeez and then I went on the website of this poor boy the foundation and I was reading the story and he was put on antidepressants week weeks before he died so a lot of times those make things worse and make a person actually go through with it so for for that to happen so much funding to go towards creating more of the same types of interventions it's just sad to me it could have I don't know it's just really sad it again it's like well it was a mental illness it was a brain disease so we better make more of the interventions of the mental illness paradigm never really taking into account what else could be going on and not pathologizing distress of these poor teenagers they're crying out for help and they can't even talk to their own parents because their parents were the ones that are putti

I was thinking it'd be cool to help decrease the allostatic load of being diagnosed with mania and associated things I'm trying to point out some of the pokemon is a positives but things that are fascinating about the process of mania and what it means to me and creating new memes through endo mimetics I feel like map consciousness is like climbing the entire spectrum of human consciousness the whole scale by David Hawkins dr. David Hawkins the 1000 points scale numerous times in one lifetime he says most people climb five points in one lifetime a person that goes into map consciousness can actually go through the entire scale in like a day and it's quite disorienting but I think that's actually part of the point is to disorient us from our ego consciousness and show us in a very extreme way that it's not really what is ruling the roost oftentimes I felt like when i get to some of the higher points on the scale I then go through a process of going down to the very bottom like shame and it's very difficult to keep myself alive protect myself for myself at that point because it's it's so awful in its feeling but it's part of me as a human being for sure and then when I'm in that state of shame i'm feeling the shameful things I've done or sometimes I feel like I did something I didn't do in this life at least i'm not sure where it's coming from and then I climbed back up again and I can climb up pretty fast but I also feel like when I climb too high on the scale I need to go back down to the bottom because or at least down lower because the society is at a different level and it's hard to remain in the higher part of the scale while operating in this society and I don't know if that's true or maybe it's just maybe it's just that a person that a person has access to the entire spectrum so just because a person gets to a certain point doesn't mean they're immune to the lower spectrum I feel like a person with map consciousness they can map the whole scale of consciousness so if I am exposed to too much of lower part of the scale consciousness then I am that too so and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that that's part of empathy but that's the trouble not having a very very solid ego to block me from that I go back into that place because that's level that I'm perceiving at and i'm not i'm just talking like if I see something that is sort of traumatizing within the system I feel that like I empathize with that and that's part of the gift of it because if I was able to just look at it and not see anything then that would just be like any other person who's pretty much blind to what is going on out there so it's a strength and it's also sometimes difficult and that could even have been what happened when i read that article that just brings me down too a level of consciousness where I am in a way judging that article from a certain vantage point but it's not the vantage point of Oh infinite love and blah it's a little bit lower so that's one of the reasons why I never watched the news because it's just awful I drove another picture this is like the current diagnosis of mania this is sort of the story and everything and now me with map consciousness and mania it's like this all this context and story and possibility and intertwining so one can find oneself in lots of different places in this map of context which I hope that we can co-create together and it's about creating your own context and I feel like as long as the context is heart-centered its context from that space of perceiving from 528 Hertz it's not going to hurt anybody because that intention is love and that intention is is infinite infinite context an infinite possibilities not this is how you should think about it and shut your brain down now because I told you how you should think about it and I think lack of X Forex sensation is lack of paying attention to the moment so lack of X Forex sensation is not sensing that it's coming from the past so we're not se

I just finished reading an article online and it talks about this transgender teenager who ended his life in a Correctional Facility and the way the article was written just really bothered me because it's written in the context of hat the teenager had mental health help then perhaps this would have happened and that may or may not be true but the article talked about all the labels that this poor teenager inherited like schizophrenia symptoms borderline personality disorder trauma gender identity issues and just putting all these labels on this poor person who's no longer here and then at the end of the article it says if you're transgender or gender non-conforming and considering suicide call this number I thinking gender non-conforming what does that even mean like that is just the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard like as if somebody wants to call hotline after reading that oh I'm a non-conforming person it's just ridiculous and then the article talks about how this teenager was just granted a clinical help and then a few hours later was found not living and I don't think they yet were able to intervene with the clinical help but it acts like Oh had they just had clinical help everything would have been fine and that is far from the truth I feel like if this poor person got wind that they were going to have extra help that might have given them more impetus to say I don't want that help and this person was in there for lighting their house on fire setting fire to their house that kind of shows like the person's like fu that get away from me parents and then the parents are trying to come at this poor teenager with all this psychological clinical intervention the person's like peace out world it's just such a sad story because it's contorted in such a way that it's like oh well we need more clinical help for these people when it's not true we need more love and more understanding and more empathy and more compassion and daily life not more clinical interventions once somebody's out their wit's end like how did that even get to that point it's just so sad and terrifying it because what people think is help for people is not really that helpful it can be a good temporary band-aid but it doesn't fix anybody's problems I guess I'm just feeling a little bit ger about it because I have to make a choice between staying here and working and and maybe leaving the country for a bit to explore different opportunity and I don't know right now I'm on the path of the job but I don't even know if I feel comfortable working in the job and maybe I do more so on some days than others it's really difficult because I don't know peer support really fits that well within the mental health system it's like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole as its said just doesn't really fit and so am i setting people up for for disaster for failure because I know for myself working in peer support was kind of a failure and a disaster for me and I love supporting people but it's so difficult to support it within a context of something's wrong with the people not something's wrong with the greater whole of things and why do people get to that point and what I shared about that talk I went to her they said well how do you deal with so much child abuse and societal inequalities well you just medicate the people that aren't able to get through it because it's sort of designed so it happens to a large portion of people and I don't know if I want to work in terms of the reaction to something that happens so far down the line and it's putting the blame on the person like to put the blame on a person and say oh they're mentally ill is psychological scapegoating so I'm just having trouble with that today and maybe other things in general and this morning I woke up and I felt like huh maybe I'm sort of done making videos I don't know if anything else is going to really come through me and then I was editing my last two videos and I wrote bunch more stuff

bipolar is a solution to the ego and mediocrity part of this is creating new words or terms partly to get rid of stigma in a way but not just equivalent terms so I i saw that PTSD was changed to operational stress injury so that's sort of like an equivalent right whereas i would say that you could also make extra valence meaning bipolar disorder is like a disease whereas i see it actually as a gift and strength so if i was to change it to something else i might say hacking mania implying it something that you want even though it stems from a supposed mental illness as it is interpreted by society and psychiatry it's one thing to transform words into equivalence and it's another thing to transform them into extra valence in order to show that there are dimensions beyond the pathology I could say that I'm extra polar I have more polls I don't think I just have to low and high I'm not like an on and off switch and I thought of kind of a joke I thought of if I'm bipolar does that make so-called normal people homopolar can I call normal people homopolar I'm curious about these Homo Polar's they're so consistent and afraid they always act the same in public but I'm sure they go home and cry about it later I used to be homopolar myself now i'm omnipotent houma Polar's tell me about being omnipotent yet transitioned the universe is making us trans polar just as people can have a sex change people can also have a change in consciousness the ego can be surgically removed by the universe this is part of the evolution of consciousness we're getting into connection with the inner human dimensions we used to have when we were children the celebration body the silly body the laughter body the inside body the learning body and then we arise as those inner human dimensions which is multi-dimensional not this unit dimensional ego thought image sound structure altered states of consciousness are multi-dimensional where the ego consciousness is Uni mentation ille it's thinking all the time along the same lines thinking about itself and that is in itself an illusion because there's no self to think about there is thought thinking about itself and I remember reading in the book the politics of experience by already laying that psychosis is necessary that's why it happens and I wonder what would make psychosis not necessary what would make it so we don't need psychiatry because nobody goes into psychosis I think it has something to do with the fact that reality sucks and we have to create it to not suck by being are embodied manic selves i'm omnipotent it took a while to learn how to steer normal people their consciousness is like an atari game it's like just like a joystick like yes no maybe so right wrong good bad up down left right and there's a lot more gears and controls when we get in touch with manic consciousness if there was a constitution for people with bipolar disposition I'm sure one of the amendments would be the right to bare buns I also realized I was talking before probably several times about allostatic load which I learned about from dr. Daniel Siegel and how certain stressors add up and it can accumulate as what's called a low static lobe which is just basically an accumulation of stress and it's different for different people and certain people are more you know resilient than others but I came to a realization the other day that certain people are actually allostatic load for me like just being around them kind of feels like and I'm sure I'm that way for some people as well so it's interesting it's like certain people resonate with certain people and certain people actually increase one's allostatic load and then certain people actually decrease it I was actually just thinking now that a psychiatrist who give someone a diagnosis just basically throws on a huge allostatic load of the collective of what that means and the implications of that so that is not good and that could be one of the things about the diagnosis is and th

this is my office and it's kind of messy but where it was before my upstairs neighbor star watching TV and I can hear it through the floor and it's kind of distracting I'm gonna go over some of things I wrote down in the last while and one of the things I wrote down is lose your mind to gain the universal mind and that is again that when the ego starts to break down and get scrambled we get into greater contact with the universal mind and it's somewhat the collective mind of humanity and that's why we can have access to information overload and other things that we feel we know that we shouldn't be able to know and just things that aren't a regular everyday ego consciousness so I feel like those states are actually symptoms of oneness not symptoms of personal mental illness we're starting to feel like we're one and it's difficult to to act and behave when we're perceiving things that aren't felt as us but it's felt as us we know it's from somewhere else it's not our normal feeling state so I feel like it's partly because we are what arises as us in relationship so it's not the ego with its defenses and delineation is keeping us separate but we arise as relationship and we're trying to act based on the arising of that relationship which could be the truth of that relationship if it's with someone we know then it can be quite strenuous because we can actually sense the energy of us in that state plus their energy and it's confusing so we act out of character because our characters what keeps us in consistency a new memes and new weems are technically sort of like hallucinations and delusions but I feel we can hallucinate a better reality we can hallucinate a better reality into existence and I was thinking too that the aliens are us and they're dreaming of the day when they were still human beings on earth and didn't destroy all the complexity didn't turn into these ubiquitous creatures that all look the same and I thought of a little thing thrive dive and revive for bipolar disposition because I feel like I can thrive for a certain period of time and I might go for a little bit of a dive but then I get revived and it's not too and I wouldn't want to not thrive to avoid the dive and I thought about the term fearless and I want to transform that I want to do one of my word transformations then turn fearless into love more not fear less and I had a realization that language is a living thing it wants to evolve and we get caught in these language structures and we're caught by our own voice in our own head keeping us in a prison of sound and preventing us from seeing beyond our own conceptualizations and I thought of that in terms of how most people that go into mania really connects with language in that they feel like their poets are their wrappers and I felt like a rapper at one point and its really playing with language in order to create and in order to learn and to learn about the language structure and the underlying meaning and the implicit bits that we don't necessarily hear or know about when we just use it in a regular daily basis when we get a grasp of it beyond daily use we can actually start to play with language and create language and we are language and sound machines why don't we create language just like we create anything else and part of this too is to create context which is really evolving the language that we use to describe these experiences our current language induces fear it's i vs you + with these weems that i'm trying to create or memes some of them are memes but whatever one's resonate maybe they become weems that become something that we would think together at the same time and that's more powerful than thinking about oneself in one's own voice in one's own head and I realized the first time I was in manic consciousness I could see language in this way and I was trying to create new language not a completely new language but just additions to language or transformations I think partly it needs to

I haven't made a video in about a week or so because I've been really busy with work but then what happens as the amount of stuff I write that I want to talk to myself about really piles up so I have a bunch to catch up on and also i'm probably going to start with what i've seen most recently and then work backwards i'm also going to try to start standing up because i am spending quite a lot of time doing this so it's better to stand as sitting is one of the leading causes of death even when i was editing my last videos i was walking in the park while editing and it probably makes me look like one of those people that just has their face in their phone but at least I'm among the trees I'm sort of working but among the trees and and also i need to keep the videos a bit shorter i noticed if they're about 10 minutes shorter they upload a lot faster and also if they go to the cloud before i edit them they should be easier to get out of the cloud if i don't make such long videos but i just keep talking and talking and talking and the point of my videos is there for myself really their self dialogue I don't have anyone to come and do open dialogue with me so it's just self dialogue and it's mainly for the purpose of unfolding context and making sense of my experiences and also sharing the insights and the extrapolations that I feel that I see I'm up to 58 videos on the playlist i'm creating and i feel like i barely scratched the surface of what i want to talk to myself about yesterday i went to an event put on by the hearing voices group in my area and i never gone to a group like that before but I had a feeling it would resonate with me to some extent as its voices and visions I've even seen a group called voices visions and extraordinary experiences if a person has visions that sort of implies that there's somewhat of a visionary perhaps and I identify with being a bit of a visionary sometimes what was exciting about the group was that they had two presenters speaking about their experience going to the hearing voices Congress in Paris France and they were two people that work in the mental health system that weren't voice hearers but in their position they work with people that your voices as well as I feel they they also have hearing voices group that they may or may not support that in terms of actually work in they support the group that's why they went to the conference but I was really blown away by their presentation because they gave a summary of four of the speakers that they went to see and everything that they said was related to everything that I've been researching in the last two years and it's more along the lines of the story that I choose to tell myself but I haven't really spoken out about except to myself on these videos for the most part and that was the point of me speaking on these videos so I have someone to talk to about it and give voice to it and not just keep it inside and so I was really pleasantly surprised by the fact that these two people that work in the system were sharing their perspective on what they learned at this conference as if they were somebody with lived experience in that they completely understood for the most part what it was that the presenters were saying what they were trying to illustrate and the things they shared were quite amazing and not surprising him that I didn't already sort of have those realizations myself but to hear people that work in the system who don't have lived experience saying these things plus they're going to be meeting with people this month and or next month and next year and they're going to actually hold a conference in my city regarding stuff related to it and they're kind of saying who should we invite to speak and then so I'm thinking wow this is totally amazing that this kind of conversation is going to start to happen around here and I just found it really interesting that it's sort of the same timing like I made a blog post that said something al