Botched Archives

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! At  least when the Botched boys play as viking raiders, they are playing to  their strong suits: murdering indiscriminately. In this episode, they  change their minds when they meet the people of North Umbria. The group  decides they want to be farmers, find a family, settle down and abandon  their violent tendencies. Just kidding. Of course they just ruin the  common person’s lives as much as possible. At least this time around  they actually found some members of society. Looks like they have other  problems to deal with than just vikings. Looks like they got a case of  the werewolves. How will the party torment the common folk? How good are  their wolf impressions? Why is Vyern always talking about his brother?  What is a baby kabob? Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads  whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral  compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters,  and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly  selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from  the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing  what this devil worshiping game is all about, Botched: A D&D  Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th  edition rules, so if you’ve never played this version of the game  before, listening to us will give you an idea of how it may be different  from previous versions of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to  start playing the game with. Find out if there’s a local game near where  you live at comic book or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some  dice, get some food and drinks and invite your friends over to play with  you for completely different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all  of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out  “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can upgrade our  dining room, I mean studio, with better quality microphones, sound  proofing and merchandise. Help us achieve our goals and reap the  benefits as we will begin producing novellas of the seasons, behind the  scenes features and live shows! Check out our store over at Botched  Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch  streams! Dennis, Phil, Austin & Jon, Tristan, GSTU(Phil gets drunk  and play games with other hosts)

Art by Emily Swan

Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast!  With Season 4 wrapped up that means only one thing! No, not the start of  a new season. You get tweeners! Everyone loves random short stories  with characters that will never show up again. In this particular story,  Austin is the DM now. The rest of us are a bunch of rookie vikings,  sailing towards England for fortune and glory. However, the gods are not  happy with us and send a storm to punish us. When it is all over, we  land in an unknown land. That won’t stop vikings though. When we arrive,  we conquer and we pillage! Where did we end up? What happened to the  rest of the crew? What is the best way to skin a wolf? What do you do  with three lower wolf jaw bones? Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads  whose understanding of the rules is questionable, and their moral  compasses are even more so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters,  and social intricacies as they attempt to complete a quest for wholly  selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from  the long long ago of the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing  what this devil worshipping game is all about, Botched: A D&D  Podcast is the DnD Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th  edition rules, so if you’ve never played this version of the game  before, listening to us will give you an idea of how it may be different  from previous versions of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to  start playing the game with. Find out if there’s a local game near where  you live at comic book or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some  dice, get some food and drinks and invite your friends over to play with  you for completely different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all  of our supporters over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out  “quality” episodes. With your continued support we can upgrade our  dining room, I mean studio, with better quality microphones, sound  proofing and merchandise. Help us achieve our goals and reap the  benefits as we will begin producing novellas of the seasons, behind the  scenes features and live shows! Check out our store over at Botched  Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch  streams! Dennis, Phil, Austin & Jon, Tristan, GSTU(Phil gets drunk  and play games with other hosts)

Art by Emily Swan

Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Here we are my  friends, at the end of all things. This is the final episode of Season  4! It has been a wild ride, and hopefully you all have enjoyed it thus  far. That being said, there is still the episode to listen to. The group  is currently trying to outrun the jilted lover known as Yig.  Shubniggurath is not far behind, but may be distracted. There are only  two pillars left to activate to end the apocalypse. Something tells me  the giant elder gods duking it out will not appreciate that. Can the  group get rid of Yig? Will they make it to all the pillars and activate  whatever device before the elder gods destroy them? What happens when  they’re activated? Who is breaking all these walls? What song will be  parodied at the end of the episode? Tune in and find out!

Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding  of the rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more  so, stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as  they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons.

If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of  the 1970’s or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil  worshiping game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD  Podcast for you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if  you’ve never played this version of the game before, listening to us  will give you an idea of how it may be different from previous versions  of the game. 5th edition is a great rule set to start playing the game  with. Find out if there’s a local game near where you live at comic book  or game stores. Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and  drinks and invite your friends over to play with you for completely  different experience!

A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters  over on Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes.  With your continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean  studio, with better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise.  Help us achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin  producing novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live  shows! Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts, stickers, prints and more!

Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Austin & Jon, Tristan, GSTU(Phil gets drunk and play games with other hosts)

Art by Emily Swan

Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Wow, things have really taken a  turn for the worst. Not only is the world ending, but the entire city of  New York has erupted into chaos. Oh, and there are giant monsters  rampaging around fighting each other or wreaking havoc. The group needed  to split up because they forgot what they were supposed to do. One  group is running from a big hairy toad monster, the other is dealing  with a goat monster that lactates monster juice on you. Speaking of  which, Tedward has been infected and is now hoping that Milton will be  able to cure him with a blast from the god gun. Will the gun cure his  affliction? How do you outrun a toad that is constantly evolving to  catch up to you? How can you run with no legs? Why did it have to be  snakes? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the  rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so,  stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as  they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s  or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshiping  game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for  you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never  played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an  idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th  edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if  there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores.  Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite  your friends over to play with you for completely different experience! A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on  Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your  continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with  better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us  achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing  novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows!  Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts,  stickers, prints and more! Art by Emily Swan Music by Gozer Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Austin &  Jon, Tristan, GSTU(Phil gets drunk and play games with other hosts)  ---   This episode is sponsored by  · rSlash Podcast: Host rSlash, a YouTuber with 1.5MM subscribers reads  Reddit posts from subreddits like r/entitledparents, r/prorevenge,  r/choosingbeggars and more.

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! So, the only job the group really  has at this point is to bleed on a few pieces of rock. That being  said...they forgot to bleed on the rock that was closest to them. Now,  said rock is under a building work of rubble...and under water. Not sure  if the group has time to go back, they do the smart thing in the middle  of a world ending event: split up. Now the group is half back-tracking  and half trudging forward into the depths of madness to try to save this  messed up world. Will group A bleed on the first pillar? How are they  going to find a pillar under water? What has tentacles but isn’t a  lovecraftian monster? What happens when you get that goat lady’s milk on  your skin again? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the  rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so,  stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as  they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s  or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping  game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for  you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never  played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an  idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th  edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if  there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores.  Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite  your friends over to play with you for completely different experience! A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on  Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your  continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with  better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us  achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing  novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows!  Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts,  stickers, prints and more! Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Austin &  Jon, Tristan, GSTU(Phil gets drunk and play games with other hosts) Hosts: Dennis, Phil, Austin, Tristan, Jon  Art by Emily Swan Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Montana is back from the dead!  That’s great on so many levels. Well, not for Montana, but it’s great  for everyone else. Now that the group is back in good ol 1932 New York  City, chaos reigns supreme! Turns out Father Bierce was Hastur all  along. Now New York is embroiled in a giant battle between outer space  titans. On top of that, all of the citizens are having it out in a  battle to the death. The group just now needs to bleed on some pieces of  stone around town and save the world. How hard can it be? What else is  lurking in the city? How will the group accomplish their goal? How can  they possibly mess it up? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the  rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so,  stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as  they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s  or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping  game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for  you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never  played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an  idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th  edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if  there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores.  Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite  your friends over to play with you for completely different experience! A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on  Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your  continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with  better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us  achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing  novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows!  Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts,  stickers, prints and more! Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Austin &  Jon, Tristan, GSTU(Phil gets drunk and play games with other hosts) Art by Emily Swan Music by Gozer

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! Last time we left off, the group  was dealing with some sort of giant mutant venus fly trap. The only  person who really had a problem was Montana Jackson, who is slowly  sliding into the mouth of the monster. He should be totally fine though  as he slides towards a garbage disposal esque maw of teeth. The rest of  the group tries to dig up a pillar in the hopes that they can run to the  next spot in time, before more monsters come to eat them. In doing so,  they finally discover who has been showing them these different windows  in time, and why. Will Montana make it out of the future alive? Who has  been sending the group through time? Why show the group these pillars?  What does death sound like? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the  rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so,  stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as  they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s  or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshiping  game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for  you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never  played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an  idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th  edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if  there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores.  Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite  your friends over to play with you for completely different experience! A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on  Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your  continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with  better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us  achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing  novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows!  Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts,  stickers, prints and more!  Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Austin &  Jon, Tristan, GSTU(Phil gets drunk and play games with other hosts)

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! As I said last week...all of our  content for the end of the season was completely corrupted. So...we did  the only thing we could do...re-record the whole damn thing! Never fret,  I added new dangers this time around and I am pretty damn happy with  it. So this time around, the adventurers are still traveling through  time. If they can manage to deal with a saber tooth tiger they will head  to the future! I’m sure everything is great there. It is? Well then  they head even further in the future. I’m sure it’s even better! What  does the future hold? Why everything getting higher all of a sudden?  What about John Lithgow? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the  rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so,  stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as  they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s  or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshiping  game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for  you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never  played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an  idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th  edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if  there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores.  Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite  your friends over to play with you for completely different experience! A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on  Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your  continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with  better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us  achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing  novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows!  Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts,  stickers, prints and more!  Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Austin &  Jon, Tristan, GSTU(Phil gets drunk and play games with other hosts)

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! So much for Bradley being dead I  guess. Not even the power of death can break the incestual, I mean  ancestral bonds between family members. Now that the group has made it  to the door in question, the only thing that remains is to make sure the  door never opens. Father Bierce said in order to seal the door, they  had to draw the elder sign. That’s pretty easy, so what could go wr...oh  where did these shiny urns come from? I mean, I get it, put a sign on  the door and get out, but these are urns! Not to mention they make the  head pain go away when you touch them! Also, they glow when you touch  them, so they must be important. What are these urns? Will the party  manage to avoid the temptation of breaking them? If they fail, how will  they manage to escape the clutches of Cthulu? Do sweet tea and Starcraft  mix? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the  rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so,  stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as  they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s  or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshipping  game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for  you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never  played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an  idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th  edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if  there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores.  Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite  your friends over to play with you for completely different experience! A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on  Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your  continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with  better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us  achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing  novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows!  Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts,  stickers, prints and more! Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Austin &  Jon, Tristan, GSTU(Phil gets drunk and play games with other hosts)  ---   This episode is sponsored by  · rSlash Podcast: Host rSlash, a YouTuber with 1.5MM subscribers reads  Reddit posts from subreddits like r/entitledparents, r/prorevenge,  r/choosingbeggars and more.

Welcome to Botched: A D&D Podcast! I guess the group cannot do  anything simply. Could they just sail to the island of R’lyeh? Nah, they  have to ramp off of Dagon’s head. However, now they don’t have a way  back home. Well, I guess they could swim. They seem to have found an old  ally once thought dead. He is dead actually, but now they can bring him  back. The island is filled with more tentacle monsters because why not.  Now, there is a giant door that stands in front of them. Behind that  door is Cthulu. Aka, they are fucked. Who do they bring back from the  dead? What special powers might he have? Is there anyone more handsome  than Tedward? Tune in and find out! Join in on the banter as these dickheads whose understanding of the  rules is questionable, and their moral compasses are even more so,  stumble through dungeons, traps, monsters, and social intricacies as  they attempt to complete a quest for wholly selfish reasons. If you are a veteran dragon slayer from the long long ago of the 1970’s  or a newbie who is interested in hearing what this devil worshiping  game is all about, Botched: A D&D Podcast is the DnD Podcast for  you. As mentioned, we are playing 5th edition rules, so if you’ve never  played this version of the game before, listening to us will give you an  idea of how it may be different from previous versions of the game. 5th  edition is a great rule set to start playing the game with. Find out if  there’s a local game near where you live at comic book or game stores.  Hell, buy some books, buy some dice, get some food and drinks and invite  your friends over to play with you for completely different experience! A special shout out and thank you to all of our supporters over on  Patreon. You help us continue to churn out “quality” episodes. With your  continued support we can upgrade our dining room, I mean studio, with  better quality microphones, sound proofing and merchandise. Help us  achieve our goals and reap the benefits as we will begin producing  novellas of the seasons, behind the scenes features and live shows!  Check out our store over at Botched Podcast where you can find tshirts,  stickers, prints and more!  Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, subscribe on Youtube, like us on  Facebook, check us out at BotchedPodcast.com, and feel free to email us  any questions, comments or suggestions at [email protected] Check out each of the hosts’ Twitch streams! Dennis, Phil, Austin &  Jon, Tristan, GSTU(Phil gets drunk and play games with other hosts)