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112: Boundaries – When, What, How?

Boundaries are tricky. We are afraid to make them because we don’t want to risk the relationship, but we’re so angry, resentful, fearful, that we’re doing damage to the relationship by not setting them. Listen to this episode for the when, what, and how of boundaries to help you out. 

Do you have a relationship problem you don’t know how to fix? I’ll be running a new series on this podcast in November, which is the “Ask Me Anything” series. Click below to submit a question and get an answer on the podcast. And (of course) you can remain completely anonymous. 

Ask Me Anything

 

Boundaries:

Take aways:

1.       Use boundaries sparingly. Usually what you want is for someone else to be different. Unless this is threatening your physical, emotional, mental, spiritual health in some way, it’s probably not a boundary issue.

2.       The strongest, most secure relationships have strong boundaries because boundaries require taking responsibility for yourself, and inviting the other person to take responsibility for themselves. It might be difficult at first to put those in place, but in the long run, you’re strengthening a relationship, not weakening it. 

Challenge:

If you want to practice setting a boundary, start with setting one for yourself. If you’re like most people I coach, you have an inner narrator who is not very nice to you. In fact, that narrator can be downright mean. 

Ask yourself, “Would I let someone else talk to me this way?” I hope your answer is NO. You can say to yourself, “When I hear the mean inner narrator say something not nice, I will tell them, “When you talk to me like that, I will tell myself 3 reasons what you are saying is not true.” Or “When you say mean things to me, I’m going to take 3 deep breaths and remind you that I don’t listen to that anymore.” 

This is the inside-out approach and this is the best place to start!

Tina Gosney is the Family Conflict Coach. She works with parents who have families in conflict to help them become the grounded, confident leaders their family needs.
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Tina is certified in family relationships and a trauma informed coach.
Visit tinagosney.com for more information on coaching services.